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'Dear Mum. Thank you for the fairy cakes, they really are delicious.' | 0:00:02 | 0:00:05 | |
SOBBING | 0:00:08 | 0:00:09 | |
'So light, moist and tasty. Yum-yum. | 0:00:09 | 0:00:12 | |
'Anyway, we had a great show today...' | 0:00:12 | 0:00:15 | |
-# Ahhh... # -CHEERING | 0:00:16 | 0:00:19 | |
'..even though The Governor hadn't been himself this week.' | 0:00:19 | 0:00:22 | |
-WHOOSHING AND CRASHING -Ai ai ai ai ai ai! Oh! | 0:00:25 | 0:00:29 | |
KLAXON WAILS | 0:00:29 | 0:00:32 | |
# You've been found guilty of a howling show-biz crime | 0:00:33 | 0:00:38 | |
# So welcome to The Slammer where you're gonna serve your time | 0:00:38 | 0:00:43 | |
# With every type of minstrel entertainer and artiste | 0:00:43 | 0:00:46 | |
# Performing to the limit to try and get released | 0:00:46 | 0:00:51 | |
# So go and fetch the audience Bring them to The Slammer | 0:00:51 | 0:00:56 | |
# And polish up your act with a bit of glitz and glamour | 0:00:56 | 0:01:00 | |
# Your fate is in their hands So make them cheer and clamour | 0:01:00 | 0:01:04 | |
# It's the only way you'll ever leave The Slammer | 0:01:04 | 0:01:08 | |
# It's the only way you'll ever leave The Slammer! # | 0:01:08 | 0:01:14 | |
-Ah, Mr Burgess. -Sir. -There you are. The audience are on their way in. | 0:01:14 | 0:01:18 | |
This week's Freedom Show's going to be brilliant! | 0:01:18 | 0:01:20 | |
-Is it really, sir. -Honest, yes. | 0:01:20 | 0:01:22 | |
We've got jugglers... | 0:01:22 | 0:01:24 | |
-Pick 'em up, pick 'em up! -Never mind about that! | 0:01:25 | 0:01:27 | |
We've got an incredible somersaulting Chihuahua! | 0:01:27 | 0:01:30 | |
Come on, somersault! | 0:01:30 | 0:01:32 | |
Vermin, sir. | 0:01:32 | 0:01:34 | |
Oh. Ah, but we've got our incredible acrobats, ooh! | 0:01:34 | 0:01:38 | |
Stay on your feet, lad. | 0:01:39 | 0:01:40 | |
Never mind, never mind. We've got, er...our strong man. | 0:01:40 | 0:01:44 | |
-It's too heavy. -No backbone, sir. | 0:01:45 | 0:01:47 | |
I don't believe it. You lot are rubbish! | 0:01:47 | 0:01:49 | |
-ENTERTAINERS SOB -You're an embarrassment to entertainment! | 0:01:49 | 0:01:53 | |
They're lifeless, sir. The spark's gone, sir. | 0:01:53 | 0:01:55 | |
Yeah, well, cry me a river, Mr Burgess. | 0:01:55 | 0:01:57 | |
Yeah. I'm not having it. Get me the Ministry of Show Biz. | 0:01:57 | 0:02:01 | |
We need an expert to sort this lot out. | 0:02:01 | 0:02:03 | |
Get me Alec Baldwig. | 0:02:03 | 0:02:06 | |
Sir! | 0:02:06 | 0:02:08 | |
I know he said you were rubbish, but he didn't mean it. | 0:02:10 | 0:02:12 | |
"Oh yes, he did!" | 0:02:12 | 0:02:13 | |
Shut it, you! | 0:02:13 | 0:02:14 | |
He meant it in a nice way. | 0:02:14 | 0:02:16 | |
"How does that woik?" | 0:02:16 | 0:02:18 | |
Shhh! Have another try, I'm sure it's just nerves. | 0:02:18 | 0:02:20 | |
-DRUM ROLL -Put those juggling clubs down! | 0:02:20 | 0:02:25 | |
Got your attention, have I? | 0:02:27 | 0:02:29 | |
You lot are pathetic! | 0:02:29 | 0:02:31 | |
Call yourselves performers? You're a disgrace! | 0:02:31 | 0:02:35 | |
Well, who are you? | 0:02:35 | 0:02:37 | |
I am your ticket out of here, sunshine. | 0:02:37 | 0:02:39 | |
I'm Sunday night at the London Palladium. | 0:02:39 | 0:02:42 | |
I'm eight o'clock, BBC One, Saturday night. | 0:02:42 | 0:02:45 | |
I'm 50 performances at Caesars Palace. | 0:02:45 | 0:02:48 | |
That's Las Vegas, for your information! | 0:02:48 | 0:02:51 | |
That's who I am! | 0:02:51 | 0:02:52 | |
"Well, I have never hoid of you!" | 0:02:52 | 0:02:54 | |
Well, maybe you've been in here too long, you Muppet! | 0:02:54 | 0:02:57 | |
-HE LAUGHS -Out there, I am your biggest threat. | 0:02:57 | 0:03:02 | |
I'm something you should be very afraid of, | 0:03:02 | 0:03:05 | |
because I am an... | 0:03:05 | 0:03:08 | |
TAP-DANCE MUSIC | 0:03:10 | 0:03:12 | |
DRUM ROLL | 0:03:12 | 0:03:13 | |
CYMBAL CRASH | 0:03:13 | 0:03:15 | |
HE LAUGHS | 0:03:18 | 0:03:19 | |
SMASH! | 0:03:19 | 0:03:20 | |
So...want my help or not? | 0:03:20 | 0:03:23 | |
SCREAMING | 0:03:23 | 0:03:25 | |
That's more like it! I knew Alec Baldwig would do the trick! | 0:03:25 | 0:03:29 | |
Anything for you, my son! | 0:03:29 | 0:03:31 | |
You know, this man was the most talented student | 0:03:31 | 0:03:33 | |
I've ever had! He was the finest Riverdancer | 0:03:33 | 0:03:36 | |
to come out of the Wirral! | 0:03:36 | 0:03:38 | |
-The where, sir? -The Wirral! | 0:03:38 | 0:03:40 | |
Oh, get you! | 0:03:40 | 0:03:41 | |
"Do it! Do Riverdance!" | 0:03:41 | 0:03:43 | |
I haven't got any music! | 0:03:43 | 0:03:44 | |
Well, it's been a long time! | 0:03:44 | 0:03:46 | |
-"Ah, well, forget it, then!" -All right, hit it! | 0:03:46 | 0:03:49 | |
IRISH FOLK MUSIC | 0:03:49 | 0:03:51 | |
MUSIC STOPS | 0:03:57 | 0:03:59 | |
-Where am I? -You're in The Slammer, sir. | 0:03:59 | 0:04:01 | |
-What? -You're The Governor! -It's all coming back to me now! | 0:04:01 | 0:04:04 | |
But it seemed just then as if I was a superstar! | 0:04:04 | 0:04:07 | |
You were! Or rather, you could have been. | 0:04:07 | 0:04:11 | |
Well, I'm not having that! | 0:04:11 | 0:04:13 | |
Why should I stay in here, looking after his bunch of lowlife losers, | 0:04:13 | 0:04:16 | |
when I could be Lord of the Riverdance? | 0:04:16 | 0:04:19 | |
IRISH FOLK MUSIC | 0:04:19 | 0:04:21 | |
-Ah! -What about the Freedom Show, sir? -Forget that. | 0:04:25 | 0:04:28 | |
All I want to do is dance, dance, dance! | 0:04:28 | 0:04:31 | |
IRISH FOLK MUSIC | 0:04:31 | 0:04:33 | |
Oi! If you're serious about this, you'll need some representation! | 0:04:35 | 0:04:41 | |
That is brilliant, that is, eh? | 0:04:41 | 0:04:43 | |
That's just marvellous, eh? | 0:04:43 | 0:04:44 | |
Who'll do the Freedom Show now? | 0:04:44 | 0:04:47 | |
KLAXON WAILS All right. | 0:04:47 | 0:04:49 | |
-How do I look? -"Like you always do..." | 0:04:49 | 0:04:52 | |
Shut up! In that case, it's show time! | 0:04:52 | 0:04:55 | |
-OVER PA: -'Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to HMP Slammer, | 0:04:57 | 0:05:02 | |
'where you decide which prisoner is to be released! | 0:05:02 | 0:05:05 | |
'Now, please welcome your host... | 0:05:05 | 0:05:07 | |
'For this evening's performance, | 0:05:07 | 0:05:08 | |
'the part of Ted Governor will be played by Frank Burgess. | 0:05:08 | 0:05:12 | |
'It's Mr Burgess!' | 0:05:12 | 0:05:16 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:05:16 | 0:05:17 | |
Who's the senior prison officer? | 0:05:30 | 0:05:33 | |
-SCATTERED: -You're the senior prison officer! | 0:05:33 | 0:05:35 | |
Thank you, and don't forget it. Right, now, unaccustomed as I am | 0:05:35 | 0:05:39 | |
to presenting show-biz entertainment, | 0:05:39 | 0:05:43 | |
I'm not devoid of all wit and repartee in that department. | 0:05:43 | 0:05:46 | |
So if you'll indulge me, | 0:05:46 | 0:05:47 | |
I'd like to start with a few of my comedy stylings, | 0:05:47 | 0:05:50 | |
a little bit of observational comedy for you. | 0:05:50 | 0:05:53 | |
Ladies and gentlemen, have you ever noticed... | 0:05:53 | 0:05:56 | |
have you ever noticed... | 0:05:56 | 0:05:57 | |
that when you're banging the prisoners up at night, | 0:05:57 | 0:06:00 | |
the lock to cell three always sticks a bit? | 0:06:00 | 0:06:03 | |
SCATTERED CHUCKLING | 0:06:03 | 0:06:04 | |
HE CLEARS HIS THROAT Thank you very much. | 0:06:06 | 0:06:09 | |
Right! What a fantastic bill we've got for you tonight. | 0:06:09 | 0:06:12 | |
On the bill, we have the wonderful Tracy Jones! | 0:06:12 | 0:06:14 | |
-AUDIENCE: -Woo! | 0:06:14 | 0:06:17 | |
We have improvisational stuff - | 0:06:17 | 0:06:19 | |
that means making it up as you go along - | 0:06:19 | 0:06:21 | |
with the Showstoppers! | 0:06:21 | 0:06:23 | |
-AUDIENCE: -Woo! | 0:06:23 | 0:06:25 | |
And a bit of fancy footwork from Germaine Delbosq. | 0:06:25 | 0:06:29 | |
-AUDIENCE: -Woo! | 0:06:29 | 0:06:31 | |
But the first act up on the parade square this evening, | 0:06:31 | 0:06:34 | |
ladies and gentlemen, is a very unique act. | 0:06:34 | 0:06:37 | |
So please give a warm welcome for Sasha The Human Frog! Thank you! | 0:06:37 | 0:06:43 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:06:43 | 0:06:46 | |
MUSIC: "Theme from 2001: A Space Odyssey" | 0:06:53 | 0:07:00 | |
Woo! | 0:07:15 | 0:07:17 | |
GASPS | 0:07:19 | 0:07:21 | |
GASPS | 0:07:39 | 0:07:41 | |
CHEERING | 0:07:46 | 0:07:49 | |
DRUM ROLL | 0:07:49 | 0:07:52 | |
GASPS | 0:07:54 | 0:07:57 | |
GASPS | 0:08:01 | 0:08:04 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:08:14 | 0:08:16 | |
DRUM ROLL | 0:08:22 | 0:08:24 | |
GASPS | 0:08:31 | 0:08:32 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:08:32 | 0:08:34 | |
DRUM ROLL | 0:08:41 | 0:08:43 | |
GASPS | 0:08:47 | 0:08:50 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:08:54 | 0:08:56 | |
Well. | 0:09:01 | 0:09:03 | |
Sasha The Human Frog there. But what did you think? | 0:09:03 | 0:09:05 | |
Will he be hoppin' free over the wall at the end of the show? | 0:09:05 | 0:09:09 | |
Let's have a word with Mr Burge... Oh, that's me. | 0:09:09 | 0:09:11 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:09:11 | 0:09:13 | |
Right. Now then, Miss. Twisty enough? | 0:09:13 | 0:09:16 | |
It was disgusting, but cool as well and it was really awesome. | 0:09:16 | 0:09:20 | |
And I didn't think he would be able to get that far round, | 0:09:20 | 0:09:23 | |
I've never seen that before! | 0:09:23 | 0:09:26 | |
-What did you think of that? -It was really awkward. | 0:09:26 | 0:09:30 | |
When he was about to do the full turn, it made me shiver. | 0:09:30 | 0:09:34 | |
-Shiver? -Yeah. -Like...whoa?! | 0:09:34 | 0:09:35 | |
Like he would break his bone, cos no human can do that. | 0:09:35 | 0:09:39 | |
-Well, he did! -It was just odd. | 0:09:39 | 0:09:41 | |
-Sir? -I thought it was... amazing and very disgusting. | 0:09:41 | 0:09:47 | |
-What did you think of the froggie act? -It was fantastic. | 0:09:47 | 0:09:51 | |
Fantastic? What especially did you like about it? | 0:09:51 | 0:09:53 | |
-Their clothes. -The clothes? -Yeah. | 0:09:53 | 0:09:56 | |
All the turning around, unnatural things, the best thing was...? | 0:09:56 | 0:10:00 | |
-The clothes. -Clothes? -Yeah. | 0:10:00 | 0:10:01 | |
-Sum that act up for me in one word, sir. -Incredible! | 0:10:01 | 0:10:04 | |
Incredible... Oh, it's me, isn't it? Incredible, sir. | 0:10:04 | 0:10:07 | |
It's totally sold out! | 0:10:11 | 0:10:12 | |
I've added two more shows tonight and seven on Thursday | 0:10:12 | 0:10:16 | |
and Live In Studio Five is looking good! | 0:10:16 | 0:10:19 | |
-Ha-ha! Are you all right? -Yes, fine, totally. | 0:10:19 | 0:10:23 | |
-BELL RINGS -How do I look? | 0:10:23 | 0:10:25 | |
A bit sweaty. | 0:10:25 | 0:10:27 | |
So, the next act up, please give a big warm HMP Slammer welcome | 0:10:29 | 0:10:34 | |
for the aerial acrobatics of Miss Tracy Jones! | 0:10:34 | 0:10:39 | |
Thank you! CHEERING | 0:10:39 | 0:10:42 | |
MUSIC STARTS | 0:10:48 | 0:10:51 | |
CHEERING | 0:11:04 | 0:11:07 | |
CHEERING | 0:11:13 | 0:11:16 | |
CHEERING | 0:11:20 | 0:11:23 | |
CHEERING | 0:11:26 | 0:11:28 | |
CHEERING | 0:11:37 | 0:11:40 | |
CHEERING | 0:11:45 | 0:11:47 | |
CHEERING | 0:11:57 | 0:12:00 | |
CHEERING | 0:12:05 | 0:12:08 | |
CHEERING | 0:12:12 | 0:12:14 | |
CHEERING | 0:12:25 | 0:12:27 | |
CHEERING | 0:12:42 | 0:12:46 | |
MUSIC STOPS, CHEERING | 0:12:52 | 0:12:55 | |
Well, Tracy Jones there defying the laws of gravity, | 0:13:01 | 0:13:04 | |
but can she defy the laws of this slammer to get out of here? | 0:13:04 | 0:13:08 | |
That'll be up to you. Mr Bur...? Oh, it's me again! | 0:13:08 | 0:13:11 | |
CHILDREN GIGGLE Right, yes, get down 'ere. | 0:13:11 | 0:13:13 | |
-Now then, young sir? -Well, I thought it was absolutely phenomenal | 0:13:13 | 0:13:18 | |
-and she was brave to climb up there. -What do you say about Tracy Jones? | 0:13:18 | 0:13:23 | |
-I thought it was incredible and really entertaining... -Yeah? | 0:13:23 | 0:13:26 | |
..and I'm not sure how she did it, | 0:13:26 | 0:13:28 | |
cos she must've got really dizzy and she was really flexible. | 0:13:28 | 0:13:32 | |
-What about you, miss? -It was absolutely mind-blowing. | 0:13:32 | 0:13:35 | |
I had tingles up my spine! | 0:13:35 | 0:13:37 | |
Should she be allowed out or should she stay? | 0:13:37 | 0:13:40 | |
Allowed out, cos she was the most incredible thing I've ever seen! | 0:13:40 | 0:13:44 | |
- She was so flexible and amazing! - Sir? You could call that act | 0:13:44 | 0:13:48 | |
amazing, spectacular, marvellous, splendiferous, out of this world! | 0:13:48 | 0:13:52 | |
Sum it up in one final word that isn't one of those. | 0:13:52 | 0:13:55 | |
-Um... -Good enough, sir, thank you. LAUGHTER | 0:13:55 | 0:13:59 | |
-That was amazing! -Yes, it was amazing! | 0:13:59 | 0:14:03 | |
-Who's the governor? -You're not, not any more! You're on in an hour. | 0:14:03 | 0:14:07 | |
-RINGTONE: # I've got rhythm! # -Hello? Yes, this is he! | 0:14:07 | 0:14:11 | |
I don't know what you'll think of the next act, | 0:14:15 | 0:14:18 | |
because it's time for... Solitary Confinement. | 0:14:18 | 0:14:20 | |
DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS, WOMAN SCREAMS | 0:14:20 | 0:14:23 | |
Yes! It's the part of the show where we bring a prisoner | 0:14:23 | 0:14:26 | |
who is so entertainingly awful, we must keep him locked away | 0:14:26 | 0:14:29 | |
on his own in a cell away from the rest of the prisoners. | 0:14:29 | 0:14:32 | |
Now, if they perform well, and you judge him to have done so, | 0:14:32 | 0:14:36 | |
he gets to go back to a normal cell | 0:14:36 | 0:14:39 | |
with scratchy blankets and a nice, clean potty! | 0:14:39 | 0:14:42 | |
CHILDREN GASP THEN LAUGH However... | 0:14:42 | 0:14:44 | |
if he doesn't perform so well, and gets the thumbs down, | 0:14:44 | 0:14:47 | |
then it's a cruel and unusual punishment, which this week is... | 0:14:47 | 0:14:51 | |
Oh, dear. Yes, can't say too much about that, but it involves this. | 0:14:53 | 0:14:57 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:14:57 | 0:14:59 | |
Very strange. So... | 0:14:59 | 0:15:01 | |
to carry on, we need a judge and juror from the audience! | 0:15:01 | 0:15:05 | |
Who'd like to come up here and have a go? | 0:15:05 | 0:15:07 | |
Right, you miss, step right up, please. | 0:15:07 | 0:15:10 | |
Look sharp! Up on the stage, thank you! | 0:15:10 | 0:15:12 | |
-CHEERING Thank you. What's your name? -Katie. | 0:15:12 | 0:15:15 | |
Right, bring on today's Solitary Confinement act, which is... | 0:15:15 | 0:15:20 | |
-What do you want? -(Slight change!) -Give it 'ere! Get off! | 0:15:20 | 0:15:24 | |
Right, there's a last-minute change. Bring out the act that is... | 0:15:24 | 0:15:29 | |
Flat-Pack Monkey! Bring 'im on! | 0:15:29 | 0:15:31 | |
CHEERING | 0:15:35 | 0:15:37 | |
MUSIC: "If I Didn't Care" by The Ink Spots | 0:15:37 | 0:15:41 | |
CHEERING | 0:15:52 | 0:15:55 | |
GIGGLING | 0:16:01 | 0:16:03 | |
END-OF-ROUND MUSIC PLAYS | 0:16:38 | 0:16:40 | |
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING | 0:16:40 | 0:16:43 | |
Now then, miss, you've got to judge that horrific piece of entertainment. | 0:16:45 | 0:16:49 | |
Now, remember, thumbs up, it's a nice, clean potty. | 0:16:49 | 0:16:53 | |
Thumbs down and it's something grotty. | 0:16:53 | 0:16:56 | |
So, put your thumb out like that in the middle. | 0:16:56 | 0:16:59 | |
You've got five seconds starting now! | 0:16:59 | 0:17:02 | |
DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS | 0:17:02 | 0:17:05 | |
Thumbs down! Take him away, back to the cell! Something grotty. | 0:17:07 | 0:17:11 | |
-Take that with you! -I'm back! | 0:17:11 | 0:17:13 | |
CHEERING | 0:17:13 | 0:17:15 | |
-And who's the governor? -CHILDREN: You're the governor! | 0:17:15 | 0:17:18 | |
-Oh, Frank, it's great to be back! -All right! Not now, sir. -Oh! | 0:17:18 | 0:17:22 | |
Lovely. How's the show going? | 0:17:22 | 0:17:23 | |
-Very well, sir. ..Sorry, would you like to...? Thank you. -Marvellous! | 0:17:23 | 0:17:27 | |
-What's the next act up? -It's The Showstoppers, sir. | 0:17:27 | 0:17:31 | |
-Yey! -CHEERING | 0:17:31 | 0:17:33 | |
Hello, everybody, we are The Showstoppers | 0:17:40 | 0:17:42 | |
and we make up musicals from scratch! | 0:17:42 | 0:17:45 | |
We take your ideas and we make songs out of them. | 0:17:45 | 0:17:48 | |
What we'd like to do first for you is the opening of a musical. | 0:17:48 | 0:17:52 | |
So somewhere a musical would begin, like a place where people may meet. | 0:17:52 | 0:17:57 | |
-Yes? -A forest. -In a forest! Fantastic! Absolutely brilliant! | 0:17:57 | 0:18:01 | |
Can you think of the title of this musical set in a forest? | 0:18:01 | 0:18:04 | |
Or should we make it The Forest? What were you going to say? | 0:18:04 | 0:18:07 | |
-Brown Forest. -The Brown Forest! -LAUGHTER | 0:18:07 | 0:18:10 | |
We give to you the beginning of the musical The Brown Forest. | 0:18:10 | 0:18:13 | |
PIANO PLAYING | 0:18:13 | 0:18:15 | |
-# Trees! Lots of trees! -Squawk! Squawk! Squawk! Squawk! | 0:18:15 | 0:18:20 | |
# Fall to your knees and pray to the trees! | 0:18:20 | 0:18:26 | |
ALL: # Trees! Lots of trees! | 0:18:26 | 0:18:32 | |
# Fall to your knees and pray to the trees! # | 0:18:32 | 0:18:40 | |
MUSIC STOPS, CHEERING | 0:18:40 | 0:18:43 | |
Thank you very much! We'd like to do a different song, | 0:18:43 | 0:18:47 | |
maybe one in the style of something you might hear on the radio. | 0:18:47 | 0:18:51 | |
Or maybe a style of music? What about you? | 0:18:51 | 0:18:53 | |
-Pop? -Pop! What would we like this to be about? | 0:18:53 | 0:18:56 | |
-Right at the back, you? -Fish! | 0:18:56 | 0:18:58 | |
A pop song about fish. | 0:18:58 | 0:19:00 | |
OK. | 0:19:00 | 0:19:01 | |
# There is nothing better | 0:19:04 | 0:19:06 | |
# On your plate | 0:19:06 | 0:19:09 | |
# Than some fish for your tea | 0:19:09 | 0:19:13 | |
# Fishy fishy fishy fishy | 0:19:15 | 0:19:17 | |
# Won't you be upon my dishy | 0:19:17 | 0:19:19 | |
# For, fishy fishy | 0:19:19 | 0:19:21 | |
# I love you | 0:19:21 | 0:19:23 | |
# Aaaaaaaah | 0:19:23 | 0:19:27 | |
# Oh, my fishy. # | 0:19:27 | 0:19:29 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:19:29 | 0:19:32 | |
OK, we actually have time for one more. So we'll do one more song. | 0:19:32 | 0:19:36 | |
What would you like? | 0:19:36 | 0:19:37 | |
-Jazz? -A jazz song! | 0:19:37 | 0:19:39 | |
Ooh! And what would you like, flower girl? | 0:19:39 | 0:19:42 | |
A jazz song about cheese. OK. | 0:19:42 | 0:19:46 | |
# There's nothing better in the world than cheese | 0:19:49 | 0:19:53 | |
# Everybody loves | 0:19:53 | 0:19:55 | |
# Everybody loves Everybody loves | 0:19:55 | 0:19:57 | |
# Everybody loves cheese | 0:19:57 | 0:19:59 | |
# Give me, give me | 0:19:59 | 0:20:00 | |
# Gimme gimme gimme gimme | 0:20:00 | 0:20:03 | |
# Oh-ho | 0:20:03 | 0:20:05 | |
# Give me some cheese. # | 0:20:05 | 0:20:09 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:20:09 | 0:20:12 | |
Well done. Give them a big hand. The Showstoppers, boys and girls. | 0:20:16 | 0:20:19 | |
I stopped the show once. | 0:20:22 | 0:20:23 | |
Well, I didn't stop it, but I slowed it up a bit. | 0:20:23 | 0:20:26 | |
What did you think of that musical act? | 0:20:26 | 0:20:29 | |
Were they unsung? Mr Burgess? | 0:20:29 | 0:20:31 | |
Right, was that improvisation | 0:20:31 | 0:20:33 | |
or were they just making it up as they go along? | 0:20:33 | 0:20:35 | |
It was incredible cos they just made it as they go along, | 0:20:35 | 0:20:40 | |
any song you said. | 0:20:40 | 0:20:41 | |
What did you think of them? | 0:20:41 | 0:20:43 | |
I thought they were OK and on tune and they made a song each time, | 0:20:43 | 0:20:49 | |
nothing stopped them. They were good. | 0:20:49 | 0:20:51 | |
-Do you think they should go free? -Yes. | 0:20:51 | 0:20:53 | |
-Yes, you do. OK. -Now, young lady, | 0:20:53 | 0:20:55 | |
I'd like you to sum up that act of improvisation in one word, please. | 0:20:55 | 0:20:59 | |
-Gobsmacking. -Gobsmacking, sir! | 0:20:59 | 0:21:02 | |
Well, will The Showstoppers be singing like little free jailbirds | 0:21:02 | 0:21:05 | |
at the end of The Slammer? Who knows... | 0:21:05 | 0:21:08 | |
Only one more performing prisoner to see | 0:21:08 | 0:21:10 | |
and you will really appreciate this, felon fans. | 0:21:10 | 0:21:13 | |
Please show that appreciation for... | 0:21:13 | 0:21:15 | |
Germaine Delbosq! | 0:21:15 | 0:21:17 | |
CHEERING | 0:21:17 | 0:21:20 | |
HEAVY METAL GUITAR MUSIC PLAYS | 0:21:20 | 0:21:24 | |
CHEERING | 0:21:54 | 0:21:56 | |
CHEERING | 0:22:06 | 0:22:08 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:22:16 | 0:22:20 | |
CHEERING | 0:22:30 | 0:22:32 | |
CHEERING | 0:22:37 | 0:22:39 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:22:47 | 0:22:49 | |
ATMOSPHERIC MUSIC PLAYS | 0:22:49 | 0:22:52 | |
HEAVY METAL GUITAR MUSIC PLAYS | 0:23:00 | 0:23:01 | |
CHEERING | 0:23:04 | 0:23:05 | |
CHEERING | 0:23:11 | 0:23:14 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:23:22 | 0:23:26 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:23:40 | 0:23:42 | |
LOUD CHEERING AND SCREAMS | 0:23:56 | 0:23:58 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:24:07 | 0:24:09 | |
Well, there we are. Marvellous, wonderful. | 0:24:10 | 0:24:13 | |
Well...on a motorbike and flames and... What she hot stuff? | 0:24:13 | 0:24:18 | |
What did you think, Mr Burgess? | 0:24:18 | 0:24:19 | |
I'd heard they were making a motorcycle test starter, | 0:24:19 | 0:24:23 | |
but that's ridiculous. | 0:24:23 | 0:24:24 | |
-What do you think? -Really good and brave. The fire was amazing. | 0:24:24 | 0:24:28 | |
What did you think of that act? | 0:24:28 | 0:24:30 | |
I thought it was very funny and clever | 0:24:30 | 0:24:33 | |
how she managed to hold all of the objects up in one go. | 0:24:33 | 0:24:37 | |
What about you, Miss? | 0:24:37 | 0:24:38 | |
It was very impressive when she flipped the fire. | 0:24:38 | 0:24:41 | |
I was so scared that it would fall on her. | 0:24:41 | 0:24:44 | |
I would never have the confidence to do that. | 0:24:44 | 0:24:47 | |
What did you think of Germaine Delbosq? | 0:24:47 | 0:24:50 | |
I think she's amazing, but crazy, | 0:24:50 | 0:24:52 | |
doing it with flames and her feet. | 0:24:52 | 0:24:55 | |
Yeah. Can you do that on your bike? | 0:24:55 | 0:24:57 | |
-No. -I wouldn't try it either, if I were you. Not a good idea! | 0:24:57 | 0:25:01 | |
One final word to sum that act up, Miss. | 0:25:01 | 0:25:03 | |
Brilliantastic! | 0:25:03 | 0:25:05 | |
Brilliantastic, sir. | 0:25:05 | 0:25:06 | |
Well, my little time-serving turn tabulators, | 0:25:06 | 0:25:10 | |
what did you think of those acts? | 0:25:10 | 0:25:12 | |
Four marvellous acts. Give them all a big hand. They were great. | 0:25:12 | 0:25:15 | |
But only one can go free from The Slammer. | 0:25:15 | 0:25:18 | |
Who's it to be? Let's welcome them back | 0:25:18 | 0:25:20 | |
as we get ready for the clapometer. | 0:25:20 | 0:25:22 | |
Sasha The Human Frog, | 0:25:22 | 0:25:23 | |
Tracy Jones, | 0:25:23 | 0:25:24 | |
The Showstoppers | 0:25:24 | 0:25:26 | |
and let's hear it for Germaine Delbosq! | 0:25:26 | 0:25:28 | |
-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE -Here they are. | 0:25:28 | 0:25:30 | |
They were sensational, colourful, wonderful, | 0:25:30 | 0:25:33 | |
but will they go free? Who was first? He was sensational. | 0:25:33 | 0:25:36 | |
He turned around, he turned our stomach. He was brilliant. | 0:25:36 | 0:25:39 | |
Will he be hopping over the fence? | 0:25:39 | 0:25:41 | |
It's Sasha The Human Frog! | 0:25:41 | 0:25:42 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:25:42 | 0:25:46 | |
81.6. Not bad. | 0:25:50 | 0:25:51 | |
Could be going free. He's blowing you a kiss there. | 0:25:51 | 0:25:54 | |
Merci beaucoup, Sasha. | 0:25:54 | 0:25:56 | |
But next act up was marvellous. She was high up there on a rope. | 0:25:56 | 0:25:59 | |
Will she climb the rope to freedom? | 0:25:59 | 0:26:02 | |
Let's hear it for Tracy Jones! | 0:26:02 | 0:26:04 | |
SCREAMS AND APPLAUSE | 0:26:04 | 0:26:07 | |
Oh, lots of noise! Oh! | 0:26:08 | 0:26:10 | |
85.2! | 0:26:10 | 0:26:11 | |
Let's have a look at that - 85.2. | 0:26:11 | 0:26:14 | |
That means that she's in the lead. Yes, 85.2. | 0:26:14 | 0:26:17 | |
Our next performing prisoners - | 0:26:17 | 0:26:19 | |
there were quite a few of them, they were certainly in harmony. | 0:26:19 | 0:26:22 | |
Will they win your vote? Will they go Top Of The Pops? | 0:26:22 | 0:26:25 | |
It's The Showstoppers! | 0:26:25 | 0:26:27 | |
VERY LOUD SCREAMING AND APPLAUSE | 0:26:27 | 0:26:30 | |
Oh! With a sensational 90, they go into the lead! | 0:26:33 | 0:26:36 | |
Showstoppers! | 0:26:36 | 0:26:38 | |
Only one act now can beat The Showstoppers. | 0:26:38 | 0:26:40 | |
Will they be going free | 0:26:40 | 0:26:41 | |
and not having sloppy, ploppy porridge for tea? | 0:26:41 | 0:26:44 | |
Who knows... Let's hear it, please, for Germaine Delbosq! | 0:26:44 | 0:26:48 | |
LOUD SCREAMING AND APPLAUSE | 0:26:48 | 0:26:52 | |
It's going... | 0:26:53 | 0:26:55 | |
It's close. It's very close. | 0:26:56 | 0:26:58 | |
88.9, but going free, | 0:26:58 | 0:26:59 | |
it's The Showstoppers! | 0:26:59 | 0:27:00 | |
-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE -Take them away. They're free. | 0:27:00 | 0:27:04 | |
The rest of them, they go back to the cells. | 0:27:04 | 0:27:07 | |
They go free, they go back for tea. | 0:27:07 | 0:27:10 | |
Here at The Slammer we always have a yummy tea. | 0:27:10 | 0:27:12 | |
What's for tea today, Mr Burgess? | 0:27:12 | 0:27:14 | |
Japanese favourite today, sir. | 0:27:14 | 0:27:16 | |
Sloppy, ploppy porridge. | 0:27:16 | 0:27:17 | |
-That's not Japanese. -It is if you drop a dead fish in it, sir. | 0:27:17 | 0:27:20 | |
Take them away. Give them a big hand. They were brilliant. | 0:27:20 | 0:27:24 | |
Back to the cells, though, they go. | 0:27:24 | 0:27:26 | |
Well, there they are. | 0:27:26 | 0:27:27 | |
We've had great fun in The Slammer | 0:27:29 | 0:27:31 | |
and if you don't make the audience clap, scream and yell, | 0:27:31 | 0:27:34 | |
there's always room in a cell, here at The Slammer! | 0:27:34 | 0:27:37 | |
See you soon, folks. Bye. | 0:27:37 | 0:27:39 | |
Bye, everybody! | 0:27:39 | 0:27:40 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:27:40 | 0:27:42 | |
# It's the only way | 0:27:50 | 0:27:52 | |
# You'll ever The Slammer! # | 0:27:52 | 0:27:54 | |
Ah, lovely, Frank. | 0:27:55 | 0:27:57 | |
This is ridiculous! | 0:27:57 | 0:27:59 | |
Don't you know what you're throwing away? | 0:27:59 | 0:28:02 | |
Fame, fortune! | 0:28:02 | 0:28:04 | |
That Live From Studio Five gig came through, by the way. | 0:28:04 | 0:28:07 | |
I don't care. I don't need showbiz! I'm happy here. | 0:28:07 | 0:28:11 | |
No, I'm not doing it. | 0:28:14 | 0:28:15 | |
No. | 0:28:16 | 0:28:18 | |
I've made me mind up. | 0:28:18 | 0:28:19 | |
Oh! Now that's not fair! | 0:28:21 | 0:28:23 | |
E-mail [email protected] | 0:28:23 | 0:28:26 |