Brain O'Clock Club Ultimate Brain

Hey, Guinea Pig. Did you hear about the cow

who got blown away by a gust of wind?

Whoa, a whole cow by a gust of wind?! That's really dangerous.

They're going to be up in the air!

Imagine the damage cow pats are going to do!

I'm going to have to warn people, I am going to go right now.

It was a joke...!

That went well.

Are you ready for this eggs-traordinary eggs-periment?

Will our teams help GP beat the breeze?

And who will be the snappiest spitter?

All that and more... Get ready... Get excited...

This is Ultimate Brain!

APPLAUSE

Hey-hey-hey!

# Uh, bow-chick-a chick ow

# Boom, bip, boom-a-chick-ow

# Yes

# Dr Brain right here, and I'm going to make you grin from ear to ear

# I've got... I've got stuff, things like science

# Going to do things with a big...appliance

# Magnets and things... #

Chemicals... Test tubes and stuff...

All right, all right, all right - I'm not the world's greatest rapper,

let's see if any of today's guests can do any better?

It's time for the show!

# It's about time that we meet the Greens

# Big up Abigail, Freya and Niamh

# Next, they're from Portsmouth, they're friendly fellows

# JD, Kaiwan, Poppy, they're the Yellows

# That's enough dodgy rapping from this simian dude

# It's Grace, Jade and Daniel from the 4 O'Clock, uh, Cloob...? #

Oh, I don't know.

It's time to meet the teams.

Beginning with...

the Blues! How are you doing, Blues?

Not too bad.

We recognise you, of course, from your wonderful programme,

-which is called...?

-The 4 O'Clock Club!

And what's your team name?

Oh, got your buzzer to do it for you, that's pretty smart.

Now, I'm a bit worried about you, Dr Jade. Because of your character.

-She's a bit of a rebel.

-She is a bit.

-A bit naughty.

-She is.

-Are you going to behave yourself today?

-I am, I'll behave myself.

-And we've got some rappers on the team, right?

-Yeah!

-Yes!

We might get a little bit of that later on the show.

Maybe.

Good luck to you, Blues!

Thank you!

Now, let us meet my good friends...

the Greens! How are you, Greens?

-Good, thank you!

-Feeling good today?

-Bit nervous.

-Little bit nervous?

-I'm not nervous!

-You're not nervous!

You're up for it!

What's your team name?

Dragons, eh? Why's that, then?

Because dragons represent Wales.

Ah!

Wales, Wales!

MUSIC: Land Of Our Fathers

Land Of Our Fathers, oh, the hills! The rugby!

BAD WELSH ACCENT: Lovely! Nice to meet you!

Now then...

the Yellows!

What's your team name?

Why's that, then?

Because we're all from Portsmouth, which is nicknamed Pompey.

-Ah...

-And we're prefects, so we patrol the corridors.

Prefects?! Oh, I'm scared!

Hope I haven't done anything wrong, or I'll be sent to the headmaster!

Waaahhh!

Now, I hear one of you -

maybe Mr JD -

whose name stands for Jolly Delightful!

-You're a bit of a beatboxer, is that right?

-Yeah.

Wait a minute, we've got a beatboxer, we've got some rappers...

I feel a jam coming on! Hit it!

JD BEATBOXES

# We are the team that are better than you

# And you guys are going to lose! #

Whooooooaaaa! CHEERING

We smashed it!

This is the game where you're going to need ingeniousity.

I just made that word up. Pretty good, huh?

But first of all, it's time for the warm up!

MUSIC: Groove Is In The Heart by Deee-Lite

Not that type of warm up, GP.

Bring me my questions of fire!

Thank you very much.

So, let us begin. Take...

-11!

-Is the right answer.

What word am I spelling backwards?

Formula.

Is the right answer!

What is this sound?

DEEP, CALM WAILING

A whale.

It's a whale!

How many letters are there in the word...?

-Ten?

-Absolutely correct!

Yes!

I'm gutted.

Put yourselves in order of shoe size, with the smallest on my left.

So it goes small, middle, big.

Let's hear your shoe sizes.

-Five.

-Five.

-Six.

-Is the right answer!

Marvellous stuff!

APPLAUSE Ha-ha! Yellows ahead,

but it's early days, my friends.

It's time to get on with the next round.

It's the final of MonkeyChef, and Dr Brain has made a marvellous dish.

AS GREGG WALLACE: "Phwoar, what's going on over there, then, mate?"

Well, Gregg, what I've done is I've taken an egg - well,

a few eggs, actually - raw, still within their shell,

and I've put them in some vinegar.

"What you done that for?"

Well, I thought it would make a nice experiment. I did it 24 hours ago.

Ha-ha-ha! Get in there, get in there!

"I don't want to go!" Shut up!

Ah-ha-ha! "No!"

Ha-ha-ha!

Waahh!

Last one.

"No, I don't want to go!" Get in!

Ha-ha-ha!

"What a lovely, eggy, vinegary delight!

"I could have a bath in that!"

What I'm going to ask you is, what do you think will happen when I take

one of these lovely eggs out of the vinegar and drop it onto the table?

Now, I'm not just going to ask you the question,

I'm going to give you four options from which to select your answer.

Will it...

..which would go quite well with all the beatboxing and rapping,

a breakdancing egg. Will it...

..or will it...?

..or...

..something of your own thinking.

Something perhaps I haven't mentioned yet?

What do you think?

Got your thinking caps on?

Your thinking time starts...

Now! KLAXON BLARES

THEY CONFER

A, B, C or D?

Which have you gone for?

ALARM RINGS That's it!

Thinking time is up, let's see your answers now!

Very interesting.

I'm going to go for the C first -

why do you think it's going to bounce?

I can see little flecks of something, maybe a bit

of shell's come off, and it's going to have a little bouncy edge.

-It wouldn't produce smoke.

-You've discounted that one?

-Not going to smoke?

-Yes.

-Discounted all the others.

So by process of elimination, Dr Daniel?

Yes, it was really Jade's idea.

-It was a collaboration.

-Don't...

-Don't be modest!

-Teamwork!

-Best way to be.

OK, Yellows, D, something else.

And what is your something else?

Because of all the acid, we thought the shell would crack.

But not fully break.

Oh, I see, so the acid within the vinegar is going to make it

all fragile and break the shell?

So when I drop it on there, it'll go - bwwrp! - just crack?

I see, OK, very good.

Now, Greens - another D.

We had the same ideas as the Yellows, but not exactly the same.

We thought it would maybe peel a bit,

and then it would probably be really fragile.

Yeah, because the vinegar's making it lighter,

because it's taking pressure off it?

-I see, so it's taking weight off the shell?

-Yeah.

Making it lighter. So that's going to make it more fragile,

so you think, when I take it out, it'll just sort of...

-Start peeling?

-Yeah.

Three equally interesting answers there.

And quite different.

What was your answer?

AS GREGG WALLACE: "Right, let's have a look at this, then.

"Cor, look at that. Lovely, eggy, vinegary delight.

"Let's take that out."

Here we go. Are you ready?

One, two, three...

-Yes!

-Boi-yoi-yoing!

Doo-doo-doo... Boi-yoi-yoing!

It bounced, look.

Yes, you were right about the acid having an effect on the shell.

Isn't that strange? That's a raw egg, with its shell still on.

And yet, it's all squidgy. Ha-ha!

The eggshell, made of calcium carbonate,

is attacked and dissolved by the acetic acid in the vinegar,

leaving behind a surprisingly tough membrane around the egg.

Now though, what happens when you drop it from a great height?

Let's find out. Volunteers, please?

Dr Abigail.

Now then, from as high as you can,

drop the egg, and let's see what happens.

Standing back a bit!

Ugh!

Bosh! Smashed it!

And here it comes again!

There, you see, that proves - didn't I tell you? - it was raw inside.

Look what's happened to the shell, there it is.

Ugh!

Yellows and Greens, you weren't quite right,

but for some good, scientific thinking,

I'm giving you two points each, and the Blues get ten!

APPLAUSE

Well done, you Blues.

Let's see what happens in the next round.

Blow, winds, and crack thy cheeks! HOWLING WIND

That's King Lear - Shakespeare wrote that, you know.

He liked his science.

In fact, he designed a very early design of the helicopter.

No, wait, that's Leonardo da Vinci.

Oh, well - da Vinci, Shakespeare, they both had beards.

So, this next challenge is all about wind.

In fact, my good friend, Mr Guinea Pig,

wanted to do some dinghying earlier, but it was too windy,

so I've asked my friends here to design some contraptions

to help him to combat the wind.

I gave them each a budget of £50

and two days to come up with their solutions.

Teams must think of a way to keep landlubber GP and his dinghy

as close to the starting end of the pool as possible,

whilst a powerful wind blasts him backwards towards the far end.

Their designs must consider the best way for GP and his dinghy to

stay as stationary as possible,

keep from capsizing,

and resist the force of the giant fan blowing him backwards.

Teams that have prevented GP from hitting the other end of the

pool when the clock runs out will win themselves ten Honour Points!

Let's meet the man who's going to do the trial.

It's my good friend -

and talking of wind, he knows a little bit too much about that -

Mr Guinea Pig!

Bwwrrp!

-Ugh, Guinea Pig! What have you been eating?

-It wasn't me, Dr Brain.

Bwwrrp!

I think we should get on with this round,

before he stinks the whole place out. Ugh!

So, here I am with my good friends, the Greens.

And beside me, my other good friend, Winnie the Wind Machine.

I happen to know, he likes you, Greens, do you know that?

He just told me, he did.

He said, "I'm a big fan." Ha-ha!

There, you see?!

Talk us through your plan, what have you got there?

-We've decided to use suckers so he's going to pull himself along...

-Yes.

-..and try to stay in the middle.

-What effect is that going to have?

It's hopefully going to keep him still.

So it's going to stick him there?

He's also going to put them in the water,

-and take them out and put them on the side.

-I see.

-It gives it more grip...

-Bit of grip?

-OK, you're hoping that grip is going to combat the wind.

-Yeah.

Right! What do you think, GP?

I think this idea's going to suck,

-and then I'm going to plunge to my doom.

-Ha! Good one, GP!

What's the name of your plan?

-Super-suckers.

-Super-suckers.

The Super Three Magnificent Dragons have given GP

two super-suckers to help him grip onto the side of the pool.

The plungers work because, when you push them onto a surface,

there's less air on the inside than there is on the outside.

The pressure from the air on the outside holds the sucker

against the surface they're against.

And if GP dips them in the water first,

it will help stop the air leaking through the edges.

Will the suction power be enough to counteract the force of the wind?

Will GP be able to get stuck in before he's blown away?

What's for dinner? It's time to find out!

Three, two, one...

Go, GP! KLAXON BLARES

Quickly!

Oh, dear!

ALARM RINGS Oh, unlucky!

That's it.

-He blew all the way to the end.

-He didn't do it in time!

-You're blaming him?

-Yeah.

-Your fault!

How did it feel, GP, what went wrong?

The wind was too powerful, it blew me across too fast.

And you were too weak.

You were beaten by a bit of wind.

How does that make you feel?

Bwwrrp!

Oh-ho-ho!

Unlucky there, Greens.

Ah, well, let's see how the next team do.

Now, their coats may be the colour of bananas, but they're

no cowardly custards, it's my good friends, the Yellows!

What's your plan?

He'll put the welly plunger in the water.

Yes, you've got a welly there, on the end of a long pole?

And then the water will fill up the welly, which will make it heavy.

-I see.

-So then it will hold him in place.

And if it does start moving,

the friction of the bottom of the boot will stop him.

So you've got friction on the bottom,

and you're using weight to weigh Guinea Pig down.

And what's at the other end of the pole?

There's elastic bands for him, so he can have grip.

Grip, a bit more friction, as well. Very good.

-You've thought this through, haven't you?

-Mmm.

You think he could tread water with this?

Tread water!

How are you feeling about it, GP?

-I don't think it's a WELLY good idea.

-Welly good!

Well, if you get it wrong, I'm going to give you the boot!

Ha! Stop!

Pompey Patrol are using a wellington boot

to help GP stay put in his boat.

Whilst rubber floats on water, by filling it up,

they hope it will act like an anchor.

The tread of the boot will provide friction against the bottom

of the pool, so when GP forces the pole down,

the boot will help him to stay put.

Friction's also at play up top, with rubber bands on the pole to

help GP really get to grips with the Yellows' plan.

Let's see it in action!

Three, two, one...

Go, GP! KLAXON BLARES

Now, he's putting the boot down...

-It's working.

-Keep it next to you.

It's working.

Try and keep it as close as you can.

It is holding quite steady.

That's good!

Go on, GP, get your muscles in there!

-It's working.

-Yeah.

ALARM RINGS

-That's time!

-Yay!

He held in there, he didn't go all the way to the end.

Why do you think it worked? What was so good about it?

Because of the weight of the water inside the welly,

and where it drags along the floor it created friction.

Yes, it worked like an anchor, didn't it? Well done.

-And, GP, of course.

-I feel exhausted, Dr Brain.

Ha-ha! I'm afraid you're going to get even more tired,

because it's time for the next plan.

Five, six, seven, eight...

# Our idea will be the best

# We are going to win the whole contest

# The dinghy will stay in its current state

# Because of our awesome stage weights

# Hopefully, we will not lose

# Because we're the team that's better than yous!

# Yous! #

Ha-ha! Brilliant!

So what is actually going to happen here? Scientifically speaking?

Basically, we've got these two weights that should hopefully

keep him to that side of the pool.

-So they're going to act like an anchor?

-Yes, an anchor.

-What's this all about?

-He has to push forward.

Oh, he's going to get a little bit of water resistance?

I see, very good.

-And the penguin costume, presumably just to humiliate Guinea Pig?

-Yeah.

Yes, lovely! We always enjoy a bit of that! How do you feel, GP?

I feel like a guinea penguin.

A guinea penguin! Ha-ha!

Yes, The Team Over Here That Are Better Than You have turned

our GP into a Guinea Penguin.

Inspired by a penguin's flippers, they've given him some

paddles to take advantage of water resistance and propel him forwards.

And, most importantly,

a pair of heavy weights to keep him anchored to the bottom of the pool.

Three, two, one...

Go! Drop anchor! KLAXON BLARES

-There go the anchors.

-Push, push, push!

-That's it, keep pushing.

-That's it!

It's working so far.

It's got caught!

Put your back into it!

Look at that.

Working very, very well.

-CHANTING:

-Penguin, penguin!

ALARM RINGS

-Brilliant!

-Yay!

Wow! Well, you've got to say, it worked.

-What do you think was so good about your plan?

-The weights.

-The rap.

The weights and the rap.

The power of rap.

Marvellous.

Well, you've done pretty well there.

Let's see how well you've done?

Wow, what a round that was.

Yellows, how do you think you did?

-We probably won.

-You think so?

Greens, what about your plan?

Rubbish!

Aw, didn't quite work, did it?

Unfortunately, you don't get any points.

-Blues, how did yours go?

-Oh, we won.

We thought we did brilliantly.

Well, you're right,

because your Yellows and your Blues both get ten points!

Well done to you. How did you feel, GP?

I was terrified, but I'm glad I didn't get too wet.

You didn't, did you? You're going to now, though. Go on, get him!

Aargh, aargh!

Let's have a look at the scores.

Hee-hee!

APPLAUSE

This next round is all about lightning-fast reactions.

Pee-yow! You got to be quick in this game!

Especially, well, you've got to be quick if you're going to be

a comedian. I didn't tell you, I used to be a comedian.

-Wow, Dr Brain, you can change colours, that's amazing!

-What?

Bah! That's a chameleon.

I was a comedian.

Yes, I was the master of the double take.

Oh!

But Guinea Pig here is the master of the spit take.

Show them how it's done, GP.

He's filling up...

Now, we all know, spitting is a pretty disgusting habit,

only done by camels, footballers, and, occasionally, beatboxers.

# Boom-boom-bix, duh-ba-doo-dit! #

Ugh!

But today we're breaking the rules,

because this is science and TV rolled into one.

So the teams have got a little cup of coloured water

each in front of them.

What they're going to do is fill up their cheeks like you just

saw GP do just then, and when they get the signal -

the Guinea Pig squeal - they're going to go.

-Ready, teams?

-Yeah!

Here we go. Load up.

And aim...

SQUEAL

Spit-tacular!

But who wet their whistle but fastest?

Let's check on the slow-mo camera.

Here we go... Oh...

Here it comes...

Steady...

Ugh, it's disgusting.

Yes, it's definitely Greens!

Good on you, Greens, ten points for you. Well done.

APPLAUSE

Let's see if anybody can catch them in the next round.

So, GP, a little science test for you,

see if you've been listening all this time.

-Can you tell me, what do you know about lasers?

-Dr Brain!

Are we going to have a disco?

# D-I-S-C-O

# D-I-S-C-O... #

Lasers emit a very focused beam of light.

That's what today's test is all about. What do you know about light?

Light lives in light bulbs, and when you switch the on button,

they all come out to play.

When you press the off button, they all go home to have their dinner.

You live in your own special little world, don't you?

That's what I love about you. Ha-ha!

And it can be reflected, you see,

and that is what this game is all about.

So our contestants have got a little laser pen here, you see?

That's going to emit a beam of light into that mirror there.

And then they're going to have to adjust that to get it

so it hits that mirror over there.

And then adjust that so it hits that mirror just there, you see?

And that mirror, hopefully, once they've adjusted it, will go bang!

Straight into the target there. For ten Honour Points!

Do you think you could do it?

I could do it on my first go.

Ha-ha, let's see you have a go, then.

# You're beautiful

# You're beautiful, it's true... #

Oh, GP.

Let's see if our teams are any more inspired.

In a world where lasers are no longer

just a part of science-fiction,

but a part of reality, it's up to one half-man, half-monkey

to warn millions of viewers...

These pens have been specially approved as safe for use

without additional eye protection,

but always avoid looking directly at a laser beam,

or pointing it towards the eye.

Three, two, one...

Go!

Straight to action from the Blues...

Stop, stop! Leave it there.

Spot-on.

Yellows are on their way too, just got to hit that second mirror.

-You got it?

-Got it!

But it's a struggle for the Greens.

-Is it...?

-Abby, to me.

Oh, no.

-OK, that's it.

-Blink and you'll miss the Blues.

Third target already.

I've got it.

Upper. Downer.

Yellows not far behind.

Perfect.

OK, I'm going to help you as well to get it.

Keep it there!

The Greens are under pressure.

It's on... You can turn it around.

You need to make it go through the hole there.

A bit more higher.

-There?

-Almost.

The final target's in sight for the Yellows.

A bit higher.

And the Blues.

Yeah.

Turn it to the mirror.

Now, here come the Greens!

Now you can move it.

But can they catch those Blues?

First to target, it's the Blues!

ALARM RINGS

Well done!

-30 more seconds, teams.

-Come on!

-Turn it, turn it!

Can our Greens and Yellows make it before the time is up?

-Move the thing a bit.

-There.

Stop the clock!

Ooh, just in time, Yellows.

-Be careful, be careful!

-Time's running out...

ALARM RINGS Oh!

Unlucky, you ran out of time.

What a challenge that was! Did you enjoy that one?

Yes!

Like being on the set of a sci-fi movie.

Chackow! Vvrrrhhm! Bwow!

So, Greens...

Unlucky, you didn't quite make it, did you?

You ran out of time! Unlucky!

So no points for you, I'm afraid.

But the Blues and the Yellows,

-you both managed to do the challenge, didn't you?

-Yeah!

And I can reveal, Blues, you were fastest, so, Yellows,

you get five points, and the Blues, you get ten!

-Yay!

-Well done.

PHONE RINGS Oh, that's my phone.

Where's my phone? Have you got my phone?

Oh, thanks very much. Let's have a look.

Oh, it's Guinea Pig.

He's texting me.

Ah, you see, the way that those lasers all reflected

is a bit like satellites.

They beam your texts around the world. Brilliant, eh?

Time for the last round.

Pee-yow!

Wacka-wacka...

# Boom chicka-bip, chicka-boom-boom

# The show's nearly over, time to close the lab

# As something, something, that rhymes with lab. #

That's that as far as my rapping goes, I'm afraid.

I'm a physicist, not a lyricist, know what I mean?

Time for the quickfire round, folks, are you ready for it?

Yes!

There we go, only one team can win, and that team will get Honour!

Here we go...

True or false? Eating tuna can make you brainier?

Yes?

Is right! Fish oil, you see? Omega-3, develops the brain.

Ornithophobia is the fear of which species?

Erm, humans.

No, it's birds.

Which star is closest to the Earth?

-The sun.

-Is right.

Stratus, cirrus, cumulus and nimbus are all types of what?

-Metal?

-No, it's clouds.

What did GP have for dinner last night?

Tuna?

No, it's bangers and mash.

A doe is what kind of animal?

A dear.

# A dear, a female deer... #

Is the right answer!

Along with heat and fuel, what do you need to create fire?

-Oxygen.

-Is right!

How many legs, in total, do a gazelle and a kangaroo have?

-Six.

-Is right!

In which country can you find the Golden Gate Bridge?

-America.

-Is right!

What is the tingling sensation more commonly known as paraesthesia?

-Vibrations.

-No, it's pins and needles.

Which sweet substance is produced by bees?

ALARM RINGS

Erm...

Gah, we've ran out of time, I'm afraid.

But you all did pretty well there.

Very, very good stuff.

Let's find out who was the winner, because there can only be one

winner, and that team will receive all the honour!

In third place...

..with 14 points...

it's the Greens!

Well done, you Greens!

In second place...

with 33 points...

it's the yellows!

Well done, you Yellows!

Which means our winners...

who've won by a massive, massive margin of one point -

-it's the Blues!

-Yay!

Well done, Blues.

A magnificent victory.

Look how proud they are as they hold their trophy.

There you go. Didn't they all do brilliantly?

-Did you enjoy yourselves, folks?

-Yes!

Did you enjoy it? I hope so.

Join us again for more Ultimate Brain!

Dr Brain, I went round the whole studio,

and there was no flying cows anywhere, I couldn't find even one!

-Guinea, Guinea, Guinea... It was a joke.

-Yeah, I knew that, yeah...

Did you hear about the cow who was blown away by a gust of wind?

It was an UDDER disaster!

Udder disaster...!

Udder...?