Horror Stories Wild & Weird

# Marauding mice and walls of ice

# And sharks on a golfing spree!

# Cicada swarms and Martian storms

# And fish walking out of the sea!

-# Really?!

-Elks in trees and foaming seas

-# And giant mayfly mobs!

-Huh?!

# Zombie snails and friendly whales

-# And completely frozen frogs!

-You what?!

# They're wild and weird Wild and weird

# Really, really wild And really, really weird

# They're wild and weird Wild and weird

# They're really, really wild

# They're really, really wild and weird! #

Coming up on today's show - a whole lot of horror...

..a tree in serious need of a plaster...

..an ant with the worst headache ever...

..and the flesh-eating fly with a taste for humans. Mwah-ha-ha-ha!

THUNDER CRASHES AND WOMAN SCREAMS

GHOST HOWLS

Please could you get me some more popcorn, Naomi?

-Does nothing scare you, Tim?

-No.

I have seen every single horror film there is.

Nothing gives me the heebie-jeebies any more.

-What about nightmares of nature?

-I'm not watching that again.

-You've made me watch it five times already today.

-No, no, no.

I've got some extra-special tales of terror

from the natural world that will definitely make you squirm.

-OK.

-Give us that..

Cool. Hang on. Where did you get this?

This is my nan's favourite tablecloth!

Oh!

Trees. They can be spooky, haunting, even ghostly.

Fairytales and folklore abound with stories of creepy,

deep, dark woods where terror lurks in the shadows.

Ooh-ha-ha-ha!

Come on, Naomi. You're going to have to do better than that.

-Trees aren't scary. They're just a bunch of wood.

-Really?

Well, let's take a trip to the other side of the world, to Australia.

And just look at what Chris Wharton found

when he was cutting down a tree in his back yard.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He found some wood. Big deal.

Hang on. Is that jam?

Nope.

Here we have blood pumping out of a tree

-after I cut it.

-Blood?

How's that for horror?

Oh! Look! It's still coming out!

The strangest thing I've ever seen, while playing with my chain saw.

-That is crazy.

-I know!

-A tree that bleeds.

-No, no, no, no.

Playing with a chainsaw. You could take your arm off. It's not a toy.

Remember, kids. If you're playing with a chainsaw, just be careful.

What am I talking about, kids?

You shouldn't even have a chainsaw.

-So this doesn't freak you out at all?

-No.

There's not much blood there, is there?

-And besides, it's just a graze.

-OK. What about this, then?

Because that tree isn't the only one.

All over the world,

people are stumbling upon this gruesome spectacle.

A bleeding tree.

Look, look. The tree is bleeding. Look!

-Looks like blood, doesn't it?

-Yes, it looks like blood.

Tree blood. It's flowing like a river.

I do hope he's not tasting that.

-Not too bad.

-Oh, he is.

Well, as long as he's not putting his fingers in it.

-I will try to plug my fingers.

-Go on.

-Why would you do that?

-Oh, dear.

-That is disgusting. Don't do it again. Oh!

-Scared now?

No, not really. Maybe. It's not real blood, though, is it?

No, you're right. It's not actually blood at all.

So what is it, then?

Well, to answer that, we need to understand a little more

about the inner workings of a tree.

Just like animals, trees have circulation.

Inside the trunk and branches is a fluid called sap

that carries water and food around the tree,

from the roots in the ground all the way up to the leaves at the top,

which means that when the trunk of the tree is cut in two,

the sap can come spilling out,

just like blood does when we cut ourselves.

But I have seen tree sap and it is a clear liquid, not red.

That's right. It usually is.

But if a tree is infected with a disease,

it may flood the sap with healing agents,

which turns it red like blood.

And in the spring, when the tree is growing new leaves,

it produces a lot of sap, storing it in the trunk under high pressure.

Ohhh!

Which is why a cut can lead to it literally

gushing like a scene from a horror story.

Tomato juice?

Uhhh... no, thank you!

So, if you want to avoid a total bloodbath,

it might be best to leave your chainsaw at home.

See? Nature can beat any horror film for gore. Even the plants are scary.

Yes, it's not bad. It's pretty impressive.

But is it as impressive...

as the zombie ant?

DRAMATIC CHORDS

-You are just making this up now, Tim.

-Am I?

Pay attention, my young novice,

for you are about to be schooled in the ways of horror.

Oh, yeah. First up, music.

# It's raining men, hallelujah... #

-I like this one.

-No...

# Her name was Lola... #

DRAMATIC MUSIC

Next. Lighting.

THUNDER CRASHES

And finally... HIGH VOICE: spoo...

CLEARS THROAT

LOW VOICE: Spooky voice.

Gaze upon this poor, wretched bullet ant.

See how it writhes and squirms like a crazed zombie.

It doesn't look very zombie-like. It's cleaning itself.

Or maybe it's break dancing.

Throwing a few shapes on the dance floor, you know, like...

Stop that! Stop that! Stop dancing! Listen to the music.

What dark forces of nature could possibly be behind

such strange and freakish behaviour?

MUSIC: "Axel F"

Yes, go on, ant.

Sorry.

As I was saying, this ant has fallen victim to one of the most

terrible afflictions in the natural world.

No, not break dancing - it's the horrifying Cordyceps fungus.

A fungus? What, like a mushroom?

Yes, but unlike a mushroom,

once the ant has breathed in the spores of the Cordyceps fungus,

it starts to grow inside it,

eating away all of the ant's internal organs.

-Ughh! What, all of them?

-Pretty much.

But then things start to get really weird.

The fungus turns the ant into its own personal zombie,

flooding its brain with chemicals

which force it to climb high up into the tree tops.

-Why? Does it like the view?

-No.

It's to get high enough to release its spores

because what happens next is the most terrifying thing of all.

The fungus devours the rest of the ant's brain

and bursts out of its body.

-Pretty grim, eh?

-Wow!

That would really give you a bad hair day.

-Not me, though. This is extra holding here.

-Oh.

Then, when it is fully grown,

the fungus releases its spores

to float away and infect new victims,

be they cricket, moth, or another poor, unfortunate bullet ant.

-There you go. The real-life zombie ant.

-Horrifying.

Well, not really. They're only about that big.

-Nothing scares me, like you said.

-OK.

What about a mini monster that doesn't feast on ants,

-it feasts on humans?

-No.

-Yes.

-No!

Viewers of a squeamish disposition may wish to look away now.

Because this is about as horrific as nature gets.

Check out this footage from Panama.

A man is having a strange object removed from his back.

-That's masking tape.

-No, not the masking tape, Tim.

What's under it?

PEOPLE GASP

-It's ready to come out.

-Is it there?

-It is.

It's, like, right there.

And that object appears to be alive.

-Ugh! That looks disgusting.

-Hold on to your lunch.

It's going to get worse.

I can feel it trying to pull back in. Gross.

-Ughh!

-Ohh!

That's huge.

That is gross. Gross.

Can you feel that coming out?

-TIM AND NAOMI GROAN

-Tim, make it stop!

They're huge!

THEY SCREAM

What is that?

And please tell me they don't have those in our country.

You're OK, Tim, because this horror story only happens in Central

and South America.

-What are you doing?

-Cancelling my holiday. Hello.

Is that South America? I'm not coming. Thank you, goodbye.

And Dr Mark Rowlands knows all about these nasty critters.

Not sure about his packed lunch, though.

Those insects that we are trying to pull out of people's bodies

are the larvae of the botfly.

I have some here pickled inside this jar.

They are quite large. They are about one and a half centimetres long.

But how does something that big get under your skin

-in the first place, I hear you ask.

-I didn't ask.

It's just an expression.

Yes, I know, but I just don't want you to show me any more.

Please don't show any more.

The botfly itself is quite large.

It is about the size of a bumblebee

so if it were to actually land on a host itself, it would probably

be detected by the human or by the cattle or pig and be brushed away.

That makes it less likely for the fly to succeed in laying its eggs

successfully on the host.

-So, how do they do it?

-Ah, they have a very sneaky tactic.

-Yes, ninjas. That's exactly what I would do.

-No, not ninjas.

-No?

What the fly has cleverly done is to grab usually an insect

like a mosquito or a tick or even a house fly...

And after a quick air ambush, the botfly

pins down its victim and quickly attaches its eggs.

Then the unsuspecting insect is sent on its way to do

the botfly's dirty work for it.

Yeah, that is pretty clever, but I'd have used ninjas.

Still quicker, more efficient.

On contacting the human or animal host,

the small botfly larvae inside the egg will be able to detect the warmth

of the host and it will hatch at that point

and it does this very quickly indeed.

The larvae is able to penetrate and embed itself in the skin of the host.

Over the course of several weeks, it will grow

and eat its way into the flesh.

And just in case you were thinking of getting rid of it at that stage,

it has spiny bristles that hold it in

and make it impossible to pull out.

The only way to win this tug-of-war is to play dirty.

One trick that you can do to actually make it easier is to smear

a gel or a fat over the rear end of the larvae.

I said they don't live in this country, Tim.

-Naomi, you can never be too careful. Now, am I completely covered?

-Yeah.

Now, this will block the breathing tubes of the larvae

and that makes it easier to actually draw the larvae from the body.

Or, alternatively, you could just wait

because after six weeks, the larva will become a maggot

and just pop out on its own, ready to turn into an adult fly.

And apart from a bit of a scratch,

they actually don't do us any harm at all.

Apart from the psychological trauma.

Why would you show me that?

Well, you did say you wanted horror stories.

Hey, it's not like I showed you the African eye worm or anything.

-Please tell me that's just a worm with a really big eye.

-No.

The African eye worm is another parasite carried by a fly

that burrows into your skin, swims through your body

and appears inside your eyeball.

-Do you want to see?

-No.

-Oh, come on!

-No.

-I thought you said you weren't scared of anything.

-No!

-Just one quick shot.

No!

MUSIC FROM "PSYCHO"

CAR STARTS AND DRIVES OFF

Great. That's got rid of him!

Now I can enjoy this in peace.

Aw!

# Loving you

# Is easy cos you're beautiful

# And everything that I do

# Is out of loving you...#

# Wild and weird

# Wild and weird

# Really, really, really wild and really, really weird

# Wild and weird Wild and weird

# Really, really wild and really, really wild and weird

# Wild and weird. #