Invading Armies Wild & Weird

# Marauding mice and walls of ice and sharks on a golfing spree

# Cicada swarms and Martian storms and fish walking out of the sea... #

Really?

# Elks in trees and foaming seas and giant mayfly mobs... #

Huh?

# Zombie snails and friendly whales and completely frozen frogs... #

You what?

# They're wild and weird, wild and weird

# Really, really wild and really, really weird

# They're wild and weird Wild and weird

# They're really, really wild

# They're really, really wild and weird. #

Coming up on today's show -

a horde of invading armies,

bugs that like a bit of DIY,

some plants taking a tumble

and the worst holiday destination ever.

-HE WHISPERS:

-Naomi. Naomi.

-What is it?

-Get down.

What's wrong?

I think we've been invaded by an army of body-snatching aliens.

-What?

-Yeah.

I was in the bathroom earlier on and I saw a full-sized replica of myself

right next to the shower.

-In the bathroom upstairs?

-Yeah.

The one with the full-length mirror next to the shower?

Yeah, that's the one.

Is it...? Oh.

-It's my reflection again, isn't it?

-Yes, Tim.

-Yeah.

-Feel a bit embarrassed now.

-Hm.

Hey, I'll tell you what,

I've got a clip of a real-life invading army we could watch.

OK.

-Morning.

-Morning, Tim.

-Morning.

HE GASPS

We start on the other side of the Atlantic, in Nashville, Tennessee.

Where, in 2011, an invasion of truly epic proportions took place.

Please don't be bugs, please don't be bugs.

Emerging eerily from the ground were millions upon millions of mysterious

bugs.

Why is it always bugs?!

The town was under siege from a plague of insects

attacking the locals from all directions.

And, oddly, anyone using a power tool outside

was being completely mobbed.

Talk about DIY SOS.

Residents like John G Brittle Jr got out their video cameras

to record the invasion.

But if you think you've got bugs, let me tell you something,

you ain't got bugs like these.

We got them by the million.

HE CHUCKLES

They're literally flying around, you're batting them away

and trying to get them out of your hair.

I have friends who didn't leave their house.

SCREAMING AND LAUGHTER

There are people who don't like bugs.

Who does like bugs?

I quite like bugs, yeah.

He does.

SHE SHRIEKS

She doesn't.

Well, there's no reason to be scared, Naomi,

because the bugs in question are cicadas.

A relation of the aphid and they are completely harmless.

I'll take your word for it.

And they've been invading this town, regular as clockwork,

every 13 years.

13?! Unlucky for some.

Well, actually, unlucky everyone.

Except maybe John.

I quite like bugs, yeah.

He likes bugs.

In total, around 10 million cicadas had crawled out off the ground,

forming a ghostly red-eyed army.

One by one, they moulted out of their old skins

and unfurled a set of wings

before taking to the skies to mate.

But why so many?

One or two cicada I could handle, why 10 million?

Let's ask insect guru Dr Gene Kritsky.

First few that come out and transform into the adults

usually get eaten by birds and squirrels and raccoons.

But, eventually, the predators become so tired of eating them

they just stop.

To use an illustration, if you were to go outside

and see the place being riddled with hundreds of chocolate candies,

you might eat as many as you can but eventually you'd get tired of it.

You know, Tim, in science,

it's very important to thoroughly test all theories.

Just to ensure their accuracy.

And that allows the second wave, as they continue to emerge,

to have enough individuals around to survive, to reproduce.

He's right about the chocolate thing.

No, thanks.

SHE SIGHS

So, if they only come out every 13 years,

what are they doing the rest of the time?

Sleeping?

No, the cicada nymphs are simply waiting underground -

digging, feeding and growing -

until the big day when they can emerge,

take to the air and sing.

Wait. Did you say sing?

-Mm, yeah.

-What, as in,

# La la la la-aa-aa? #

Ooh.

Oh.

No, it's more like this.

CHIRPING

-HE SHOUTS:

-This is the mating song of the male cicada

and it's loud, really loud!

It can peak at about

-HE STOPS SHOUTING:

-100 decibels which is the same

as a typical rock concert.

It's a bit like me trying to win your heart by doing this -

MM-MM-MM-MM-MM...

Is it making me attractive? MM-MM-MM...

No. You sound like a drill.

Well, funny you should say that, Naomi,

because that explains why these amorous cicadas were so attracted

to the town's DIY enthusiasts.

Because the male song vibrates at much the same frequency

as your average power tool.

Luckily, there are some slightly more melodic cicada tunes.

# Cicada

# Run out of your hole. #

# Cicadas

# Why can't you leave us all alone and vacate to Vegas?

# And say farewell to this time zone

# Oh, cicadas. #

I'm speechless.

I'm literally speechless.

Well, you're not, are you?

If you were speechless you wouldn't be able to say,

"I'm speechless," you'd literally just go...

-Shall we move on?

-Yeah.

For our next story we're staying in America.

This time in the hot and hazy state of California where for a few days

every year the town of Bakersfield is invaded by an army

of plants.

A plant? That's the best you can do?

-Well...

-Plants are rubbish.

"Ooh, I'm a plant. I don't do anything, I just sit there.

-"I can't invade anything."

-Sssh.

Don't say bad things about Johnny, he has ferns in high places.

-Ferns, don't you mean FRIENDS in high places?

-No, ferns.

Anyway, I wasn't talking about Johnny,

I was talking about this kind of plant.

The tumbleweed.

Lonesome wanderer of the American Wild West.

Unlike other plants, this High Plains drifter likes to get out and about.

OK, so it can roll a bit, big deal!

Nobody's going to be scared of that if it invades their town, are they?

SHE SHRIEKS

LAUGHTER

OK, she might have been a little bit scared

but you could hardly call that an invading army, can you?

Maybe but sometimes these wandering weeds aren't so lonesome.

Check this out.

For a few days every year,

thousands upon thousands of tumbleweeds roll through Bakersfield.

This is the attack of the tumbleweed!

Clogging up back yards and gardens for miles around.

We have a long fence and they were just covered down the whole side,

almost an eighth of a mile of just fence of nothing but tumbleweeds.

When I drove in thought, "Oh, my."

Tumbleweeds were everywhere.

Some sort of hedge trimmer will sort that out.

SHE GASPS Don't listen to him, Johnny.

And as for Bakersfield's streets and highways,

they're temporarily converted

into the world's most dangerous game of dodgems.

It's almost like a fog that's come through,

so you've got the dust in the air,

so all of a sudden you see cars appear out of nowhere.

They hit a car and they just seem to scatter and smash.

All of a sudden, it just goes, "Pew!" And it just disintegrates.

Traffic gets a bit crazy because they'll end up,

breaking and letting the tumbleweed cross

and it's, like, so all of a sudden you're slamming on the brakes.

Looks a bit more like an invading army now,

-doesn't it, Mr Smarty-Pants?

-A little but it still wouldn't scare me.

What, even if you were right out in the middle of it?

Argh!

OK, it's mildly scary.

So, where do they come from?

Well, tumbleweeds start out like many other plants.

Just unassuming green shrubs stuck in the ground.

But when winter arrives, the plant dries out

and curls up into a ball, waiting for a gust of wind.

When the Santa Ana winds come, they rock the tumbleweeds

and they snap off their bases and then they start tumbling.

And this last year we had a lot of tumbleweeds.

Thousands and thousands.

Right. So, why are there so many of them in Bakersfield, then?

Well, Bakersfield is set in miles of open land

and trapped between two mountain ranges so the prevailing winds funnel

the tumbleweeds straight towards the town at speeds of up to 50mph.

But why do they do it? Do they just like being dizzy?

No. Each tumbleweed has around 200,000 seeds and as they roll

they scatter, ready to take root and turn into the next generation.

And this method is so successful,

tumbleweed is now growing out of control right across North America.

So, Bakersfield can expect even more tumbling invaders in future years.

Is it's getting dark in here or is it...?

I think some of Johnny's friends might have overheard

what you said about him.

-RUSTLING

-Ooh!

Wa-aa-aa-aa...

SCUFFLING

So, next time you think plants are just plain, boring stick-in-the-muds

you might want to remember the poor old residents of Bakersfield.

TIM WHIMPERS

CRASHING

HE PANTS

OK, I admit it. Plants can be a terrifying invading army.

Told you.

-What's that?

-Oh, it's a holiday brochure.

Just booked a three-week holiday to Guam.

Guam the island?

Yes, the beautiful, remote, tropical island

nestled in the crystal blue waters of the Pacific Ocean.

You do know the story about Guam, don't you?

What story?

This story.

The tiny island of Guam in the Western Pacific.

Beach towel, check.

Home to a range of colourful and quirky native wildlife.

Binoculars, little bit of bird spotting, check.

Er, that is until the 1950s when one by one the native bird species

began to systematically vanish

until the once raucous rainforest was completely empty

and silent.

Oh. No bird spotting, then.

But I can still go for long walks in the rainforest, can't I?

You could but I should point out next

the silent forest filled with spiders.

Their webs continually expanding, covering every available space.

-Oh. well, maybe I'll give the rainforest a miss.

-Yeah.

So, what had stunned the island into silence

and given rise to an army of spiders?

Queue the black and white archive.

Occupying a strategic position in the Western Pacific,

Guam was used by the Americans as a military base during WWII.

But the US soldiers left behind a very different invading army.

The spiders.

-No, snakes.

-Snakes?!

-Mm-mm.

-I thought you said the island was full of spiders?

-It is.

It's full of snakes, as well.

Great.

The Papua New Guinean brown tree snake, to be precise.

They arrived as stowaways on the US ships.

Having never seen a predator like this before,

the native birds simply didn't know how to respond.

They were easy pickings.

The snakes gradually spread out across the island,

chomping down all our feathery friends as they went.

But one species' loss was another species' gain.

With no birds around to eat them, the spider population exploded.

Guam now has 40 times more spiders than its neighbouring islands.

So, basically, it's just an island filled with snakes and spiders?

Venomous snakes and spiders, yeah.

Well, that's OK. I mean, I can stay at the hotel.

I could have a barbecue or two.

I'd be careful having a barbecue.

Because brown snakes are not fussy eaters,

they'll happily scavenge our food, as well.

So, they'll probably be hanging out at the hotel, too.

-I'll just stay in my room. I could lock myself in the bathroom.

-Yeah.

Watch yourself in the shower, though.

I've just remembered, actually,

Tim, I need to reorganise my stamp collection.

I'm going to have to cancel this holiday.

-That's a shame.

-Mm.

But there is hope because the US government have now begun

hunting the snakes down to try and control their numbers on the island.

But for the time being, it looks like both the spiders and snakes

of Guam are here to stay.

-Shall I help you put your suitcase away, then?

-Oh, thanks, Tim.

-That's unexpectedly kind of you.

-It's the least I can do.

HE WHISTLES

-Thanks, Tim.

-You're welcome, Tim.

I know, yeah, he's handsome, isn't he?

# Wild and weird, wild and weird

# Really, really wild and really, really weird

# They're wild and weird wild and weird

# They're really, really wild

# They're really, really wild and weird. #

Wild and weird!