Almost Too Famous Wingin' It

Well, Porter, everyone wants you to sign their yearbooks.

-You can start charging.

-D'you want me to sing yours?

Of course, but I'm trying to keep most the real estate free,

-so sign along the edges.

-You've managed to keep most of it free!

"Have a great summer, Chip"?

It's a little nickname they gave me.

"To whom it may concern, hope you had a great year"?!

-I like it.

-"I think you were in my class, whoever you are"!

I know, it's brutal. No-one knows who I am.

-Has anyone asked to sign your yearbook?

-Aside from Alex?

-Yeah.

-No.

Actually, Alex didn't even ask.

I just kind of stuck it in front of him.

It's like I'm Mr Nobody, even Mum and Beck forget I'm around.

Hey, they were just about to break the next top hand model.

Ah, hello, I was eating that.

-Did you say something, Becky?

-Thanks for the ice cream, Mum.

You're welcome.

Newshound?

Jane, summer yearbook, please use as much space as you want.

The yearbook is completely overshadowing the school newspaper.

-Nobody's read this week's edition.

-If you could just sign.

If it looks like nobody's interested in the school newspaper,

Principal Malone might shut it down.

What would I do without the Bennett Newshound?

One of the 57 other extracurricular activities you do?

Order in my court.

So how about your initials and a smiley face?

I'm late for the newspaper staff meeting.

Jane completely blew me off.

It's officially an epidemic of no-one notices Carl.

At least she didn't call you Chip.

# Let's give it one more shot

# Let's give it everything we've got

# Cos if we get it right

# We will surely conquer the world

# Hey! I've got my wings

# From an angel

# Now we're wingin' it all the time

# I'm giving wings to an angel

# Always an angel

# Now we've got to learn to fly. #

Mitchell, I'm hearing great feedback about your Lazy Bear comic strip.

Keep doing what you're doing. Lister and sisters, you're covering

this month's teacher feature on Mr Nakamura.

He's been dodging the Bennett Newshound for months.

It smells like a zoo in here.

-Sorry to interrupt, Jane.

-Are you pulling the plug?

Just give us a second chance, Principal Malone,

it's been a slow news week.

Brittany will be joining you for a while. Her English grade is slipping

so in an attempt to boost it, she will be a Bennett Newshound writer.

I don't think we have the room. Might not work.

Oh, just like someone with your colouring

wearing that eye shadow.

We'll just have to make room.

Maybe another writer will help make the Bennett Newshound

a must read again. You got two weeks or the paper goes online.

There's no fact-checking on the web, it's chaos and bad grammar.

I think you mean poor grammar.

I just missed 18 texts.

Hey, Porter, will you sign my yearbook?

Look, I saved you a whole page, so sign it big!

-Bailey, you want...?

-Oh, thank you for offering.

That's a good idea.

Yeah, and maybe after...

Thank you so much, Porter. I am so going to remember you forever.

-Wow.

-Embarrassing.

Would it be too much to ask for a little attention for myself?

It's never too much to ask with your angel in training here.

I'm going to try something, you up for it?

Right now, I might as well be in the witness protection programme.

All right, stand still.

-Hey, Porter, I think they saw your angel magic.

-Yes!

Guess again, I just made you the centre of attention at Bennett High.

Centre of attention?

So you made me the most popular kid at school?

-Isn't that your big assignment?

-No, let's be clear on this, Carl.

I didn't make you the most popular kid, I put you in the spotlight.

Now it's up to you to do something with it.

Sign that.

SHE SNIFFS

Eugh...

Hey, check this out.

Turns out pro skateboarder Casper Sullivan

-does his own grocery shopping.

-Oh, no way!

You don't seem too interested. I thought you would flip over that.

Oh, I'm totally flipping inside.

I'm a little distracted. I'm doing an article for the school newspaper.

Is that cool now? Nobody told me. Shall I tell the others?

-I'll tell you once you tell them.

-OK.

This is what I've written so far.

"Hey, Bears, check out these titbits.

"Locker 127 reeks. Are they growing a puke farm in there?"

Anything for you, ladies.

Is that Carl Montclaire?

There's something different about him.

I've got to figure out what it is.

Carl, a quote for this week's Bennett Newshound?

Ah, things are really looking up.

That's perfect, I totally have my next article.

"Carl Montclaire, from a nobody to a superstar."

-Hey, Carl, can I get a picture of you?

-Yeah.

Thanks.

Hey, man.

-Carl, sign my yearbook, buddy?

-Yeah, sure thing.

He signed it! Woo-hoo-hoo!

Woo-hoo-hoo, yeah!

This is pretty cool. I feel like a celebrity.

But I have one question, what's it going to be like at home?

One step ahead of you.

The spell doesn't affect people who love you.

OK, good, cos the only thing worse than Becky insulting me

-would be Becky fawning over me.

-Yeah!

Well, well, Porter Jackson, fantastic job.

-Carl is looking pretty popular.

-You bet, Dr Cassabi.

Quick question, do full angel wings come in blue?

Cos I look good in blue.

No.

Brittany's Bennett Newshound column is a hit, Jane.

"Carl Montclaire spotted at the drinking fountain.

"He drinks water like us, but does he arrive driving a motorcycle?"

This is just trashy gossip.

Since when does everyone care about Carl?

Who cares about WHEN? The point is that we do. That kid's amazing

-and the students are eating it up.

-Has everyone lost it around here?

Oh, here she is, journalist extraordinaire!

Thanks, Principal Malone. Who knew I was such an amazing journalist?

Especially when I have so many other talents.

The next edition, your column will run on page one above the fold.

What? I don't even have a story published above the fold yet.

And I'm the editor.

None of your articles attract the attention that Brittany's do.

-They're always so serious.

-It's true.

Oh, you know what, Jane?

-You should shadow Brittany and learn what sells papers.

-But it's free.

You get my point. Good luck, Jane. Try to soak it all in.

Oh, Carl!

Carl, you're late. You really know how to make an entrance, don't you?

Uh, hi, Mrs Lennox, everybody else.

You can take my desk, Carl.

It's fine, Serge, I'll sit at my own normal desk.

Just let me know if there's anything I can do to make sure your

history class experience is better.

OK, today we will be discussing the fall of the Roman Empire.

All right, I understand we have a very important person in our midst,

but we have to try to focus, right, Carl?

Yes, Mrs Lennox, we should all try and focus.

LAUGHTER

You're right.

I didn't say anything funny.

-LAUGHTER

-Some people say funny things, other people say things funny.

Carl does both! LAUGHTER

'Carl Montclaire, could you please come to the Principal's office?'

Mrs Lennox, I should go with him for protection.

-Yes, Serge, good idea.

-Thank you.

-Keep that boy safe, and thank you.

-Carry your binder for you, Carl?

Uh, sure, thanks.

-Don't crowd me, man.

-Sorry.

OK, don't be shy, tell me what your next article's about.

I've polled students about which items they want added

to the cafeteria menu.

Most votes only lean towards pastrami.

SHE SNORES

What is your problem?

My problem is that that is boring.

And plus, you forgot to mention Carl Montclaire.

"Carl Eats Tuna"? That headline has nothing to do with the story.

Carl doesn't like tuna?

Actually, no, he's more of a sliced-turkey-on-rye kind of guy.

-But people will read anything as long as Carl is mentioned.

-That's nutso!

It's just Carl. Besides, the role of a journalist is to

expose serious issues in a serious manner.

-Jane, you need to get off your high horse.

-I don't have a high horse.

-NEIGHING

-It's more of a medium sized horse.

Pony, really.

Carl Montclaire.

You know why I called you in here?

Principal Malone, if this is about my stinky locker, I can explain.

One of my hard-boiled eggs must have...

No, it's not that, Carl.

I've been hearing that some of our students are having trouble

-focusing on their schoolwork because of you.

-Oh, sorry.

But schoolwork, schmoolwork, Carl!

They should focus on you. You know what a man of your status needs?

-His own theme song!

-Sweet, that's totally what Carl should have.

I've been working on one that I think will accompany you nicely

on your hallway walks.

# Carl, he's captured our gaze

# Put us in a daze

# Wanna give him all our attention

# We wanna be stuck with him in detention. #

Nice.

-I got to get to class.

-Oh, there's more.

# We can't get enough He's smart, fun and tough

# Got all the coolest stuff

# He's Carl... #

I can piggy-back you if your feet get tired. Carl!

# We're stranded on an island We take off with Carl Montclaire

# Oh, don't eat food Don't need water

# Just need Carl and some air

# Why...?

# He's Carl, he's a wonderland

# He's Carl, the world is in his hand

# Carl's like a magnet We can't resist his pull... #

SCREAMING

# Carl is all the rage

# We should call this the Carl Age

# Check out the newspaper Cos he's on every page

# He's a wonderland

# Carl, we're his biggest fans

# He's Carl. #

Why did we come to the mall to learn about journalism?

All life's important lessons can be learned at the mall.

Like someone your height should not be wearing ballet flats.

-They're my signature look.

-And the signature says,

"I'm incredibly short and definite dweeb."

-Even serious things need pretty packaging.

-I want integrity.

Just cos something's pink, doesn't mean it doesn't have integrity.

Look at this chair, does that not have integrity?

There's no way I'm going to be able to walk in these.

Don't just wear the shoes, BE the shoes!

-High heels are going to make me a better journalist?

-Shh...

-I just...

-Shh...

Be the shoes, Jane.

OK, fine, I'll be the shoes.

I think we lost them.

They were like a swarm of bees.

At one point, they all bunched together and formed an arrow

-that pointed in the direction I was running.

-Really?

No, but I like when it happens in cartoons.

-I think I'm done with this celebrity thing, Porter.

-Sure?

-Yeah, I've had enough for the rest of high school.

-OK.

Huh, I feel lighter.

Which is weird, cos I just had light shoot out of me.

-Which is also weird.

-Yeah, the burden of fame can weigh you down.

Porter, I thought you...?

I did, it's fine.

Oh no, I guess it's not fine!

Stay back, stay back.

Carl, I made a little you so I can have you near me at all times.

I'm your number one fan.

Out of the way, reporters coming through.

-Why aren't you excited to see him?

-It's just Carl.

Porter, I thought you fixed this? Magic up a helicopter or something.

Who wants fresh pictures of Carl Montclaire?

-Ooh, he's gone.

-Not to me, he isn't.

Aaaaagh!

Aaaaagh!

-I...

-That was way better than a helicopter.

-What just happened?

You took the spell off, why are people still paying attention to me?

It's hard to unring a bell.

Let's see.

I'm reading the fine print. It started with a spell,

but now you're famous for real.

New rule. From now on, you read the fine print out loud

before we even think about using magic.

Relax, Carl. I think fame has gone to your head.

Carl, I need you to do the dishes,

-and don't forget it's recycling tonight.

-I'm all over it.

There's 60 messages for you on voicemail and it's not just Alex.

-Can you clear those up for me?

-Got it.

What's with you? You normally try to get out of chores

like an escape artist in a straightjacket.

Hit me with another, Becky, it sounds so sweet.

Sure, shouldn't you get back to your rainbow to guard your pot of gold?

Ha-ha, because I'm a little leprechaun! I love it.

-Because I know that you love me, Becky.

-You officially have issues.

Oh, man, my family's the only thing that's keeping me sane.

-Nothing wrong with that.

-I can't be centre of attention anymore.

We've got to stop this.

I hear Mr Dolby's showing an old science film today.

Something to do with memories being associated with scent.

Yikes, we can't use that picture, Carl's picking his nose.

-We are so, so sorry, Carl.

-He was touching, not picking.

-Are you wearing heels?

-Those are her new journalism shoes

and they are a real improvement over her constant ballet flats.

-Ignore her, Carl.

-Could you walk by again without looking so gross?

I'm trying to sell papers here. Your fans are clamouring

-for more news on you.

-Well, hey, go ahead, use a photo.

-Woah.

What sells newspapers more than a celebrity looking like an idiot?

-Wait a minute...

-That's an amazing idea, Carl.

D'you have any ideas for the headline?

-"Carl's Pick Of The Day."

-Funny!

-"Digging For Gold."

-That's even better.

I didn't know somebody could be so cruel around a celebrity.

-What are you doing, man?

-What most celebrity's do, Porter.

I'm going to crash, burn and then be forgotten.

Smart, you're not just a pretty face.

Carl, you're late. Find any gold lately?!

Perfect, at least everyone's making fun of me again.

Hey, Montclaire, you're gross.

And I love a good gross-out, you're my hero, man.

Always have been, always will be and never could've not been.

This has to stop now.

Oh, what's more pathetic than a good old-fashioned gas pass?

HE BREAKS WIND

Oh-ho-ho!

I cannot believe it. Carl Montclaire, you ought to...

be commended for your excellent comic timing!

LAUGHTER

No-one's ever had the guts to just do that.

He's a trailblazer, that Montclaire.

-Oh...

-SHE BREAKS WIND

LAUGHTER Good one!

THEY ALL BREAK WIND

Fame stinks!

OK, journos, we've gotten a major boost this week.

Oh, thanks to, wait for it...me!

Yes, thanks to Brittany.

But we've got to come up with a bunch of new awesome ideas.

Topics with real journalistic integrity.

No more stories about Carl, OK?

Excellent... Oh, I have an idea.

-Yes?

-How about, we ambush Carl

and then catch him doing something even more stupid,

-and then do that forever?

-Isn't it cheap, doing the same thing forever?

What about the new parking policies for students with cars?

Snoozeville. People want to read about famous superstars.

We could do an article about how I feel about Carl,

-but I don't give interviews.

-All right, I've had enough.

Brittany, your English grade must be up to a C by now,

which means you're fired.

Oh, and for the record,

I like ballet flats. I don't care if they make me short.

Without me digging up dirt for you,

no-one will ever read this paper again. I quit!

-I already fired you!

-You're fired!

No, you're fired!

I quit!

I don't have any shoes.

THEY LAUGH

It's Carl!

Thank you! You're all annoying!

Looks like Operation Fame Sabotage seems to be failing.

It's time to put it into overdrive.

You're a talentless hack!

Ooh, Carl says...

-# I'm a talentless hack... #

-Agh!

Go away!

# If I were a train, I wouldn't find the track

# Yes, I'm a talentless hack! #

How was that?

HE MAKES MONKEY NOISES

Well, so much for that.

People are just as happy seeing me as a train wreck.

I guess everyone gets their 15 minutes of fame,

and yours isn't up yet.

Huh?

DING!

That's it. If everybody gets 15 minutes of fame,

then maybe I can avert my fame onto someone else.

Get them their 15 minutes of fame. Can you use your angel magic?

I can't risk putting the spell on someone else. That never goes well.

I guess I'll have to do this myself. Ah!

Serge is the best athlete anyone's ever seen.

You're definitely the school's biggest celebrity.

Put him on the front cover!

I've been on the front cover so many times. Carl's where it's at.

-Get in the picture.

-I'm not on the team!

Get in the picture!

All right, guys, pick your nose like Carl does.

-Alex, Alex, Alex! We're going to make you famous.

-Finally!

-Yeah.

Just act cool, like me.

Yeah, you need your own catchphrase. Do you have a catchphrase?

-I'm allergic to that.

-That'll do. Now, ride this to the schoolyard.

Ha!

Alex Rodriguez is so good on that skateboard!

I hear he's actually going pro and even going to the X Games.

Hey, Carl, are you burping in Dolby's class later?

I give up.

Apparently, there's no-one at the school that's as fascinating as me.

How are you doing today, ladies?

-We're good, Carl.

-Thanks for asking.

-We were talking about...

-..our horseback riding lessons.

-We're learning dressage.

-Specifically, changing lead.

-And canter.

-OMG. The Lister Sisters talk?!

Can I get an interview with you guys for the Bennett Newshound?

-SISTERS: Sure.

-Why not?

Everyone, check your tomorrow's paper. Front page,

above the fold - I'm finally going to be above the fold -

the Lister Sisters talk!

Well, looks like that plan worked out.

You knew the Lister Sisters were going to talk to you?

No, I made someone else famous, and my 15 minutes of fame are over.

They did that themselves.

Whatever. You know what I mean. This is finally over.

Uh, I'm allergic to that!

You got unfamous,

and you helped Jane nail the biggest story of Bennett High.

You know what? I kind of want all that fame back. It wasn't so bad.

-All right. One famous spell coming up.

-No! No! No!

Don't know what you're hitting me for!

What's one little spell? Come back!

Thank you. You're all annoying.

Ow!

-Looks like Operation...

-Woo-hoo!

THEY LAUGH

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

E-mail [email protected]