Carl+Alt+Delete Wingin' It

Next question. What is the process by which molecules of a solvent pass

through a semipermeable membrane from a less concentrated solution?

-Diffusion.

-Jane, that's the third question in a row that you've asked and answered yourself.

You're defeating the purpose.

But if you're a guest on your own talk show, you'll nail the interview.

Everyone, this is Ty Aaron, a new transfer student here.

At his old school he was a whiz at advanced science, a perfect addition to your study group.

Great! I'm Carl, that's Jane, Alex and Porter.

Oh, I just remembered I forgot a cannoli in the teacher lounge with my name on it!

It had better still be there.

My deets, in case you want to email me any questions you guys have about science.

I don't need to study. This biology exam is going to be a breeze.

I'm already warming up my victory dance. Later.

Wow, you've got to respect Ty's confidence.

Or envy it, because I have none.

Come on, Carl, do you really think you'll do poorly in the exam?

Sorry, I thought you were still answering your own questions so I was waiting for you to say something.

Exam humour, I love it! I'm going to go get a snack.

-Come on, Alex.

-Huh?

Oh, no, no, no! Jane is going to kill me.

Don't worry, I got you.

Whoa!

And now I lost you.

# Let's give it one more shot

# Let's give it everything we've got

# Cos if we get it right

# We will surely conquer the world

# Hey! I've got my wings

# From an angel

# Now we're wingin' it all the time

# I'm giving wings to an angel

# Always an angel

# Now we've got to learn to fly. #

"Jane's ideas"?

"Clubs I belong to"?

-I'm in Jane's laptop!

-Carl, I knew you were into computers, but this?

This is ridiculous.

-Porter!

-All right, hang on, I'll get you out.

Jane's coming! Hide in one of her folders so she doesn't see you.

I'll hide behind the trash can.

-Where's Carl?

-Ah, nowhere.

Somewhere. He's done studying.

Well, I'm going for an A plus, so I'm going off to the lunch area

to ask myself some more practice questions. See ya.

I have a question, what do I do now?

King me!

Oh, what's wrong, Denise? I thought you'd be happy for me. I know I am.

I'm just so bored without an AIT assignment, Dr C.

-That's why I'm down here, right?

-You'll get an assignment soon.

Just keep practising your angel magic and you'll be fine.

-Even that doesn't perk me up.

-Dr Cassabi, something's attacking your head!

Yeah, a bad fashion sense.

This is head fruit. Since my desk is so full, I keep my lunch up here.

-So, what can I do for you two?

-It's a nightmare, Dr Cassabi.

We have to memorise and perform a scene from Oliver Twist.

If we don't pass this presentation

then we'll fail and have to drop an extracurricular.

How about you two get a peer tutor to help you?

I'll do it.

-ALL:

-Really?

-I love literature. The perfect person for the job.

Technically, Denise, I'm the only perfect person here

and the fact you didn't know that makes you even less perfect.

I'll accept you as tutor.

-I've a spare next period.

-I'll be there.

Mind if I borrow a grape?

-Oliver Twist research.

-Whoa!

Stop trying to trash me!

I've got to get out of here.

OK, these notes should make Brittany happy.

-Maybe I can hitch a ride.

-Send.

Oh, everything's pink. Shocking. Oh!

Brittany didn't win that speed texting competition for nothing.

-Hey, Brit?

-One sec.

I just have to alert everybody in the school that my new eye shadow matches my lip gloss. There.

For a second there my player looked like Carl.

What an excellent glitch.

Hey, Ty! Still feeling good about the biology final?

Carl? Carl, are you in there, buddy?

It's almost criminal. They're going to have to throw away the keys, and there will be no chance for parole.

-Where did you go?

-Hey, what are you doing talking to my computer?

I thought your laptop was voice-activated.

You know, I've been studying a lot so I'm really tired and I...

I've got to go!

Now, this is more relaxing.

"Ty's tech tips."

"Cute kittens."

I wouldn't have pegged Ty for that one.

"Bio exam." I wonder if Ty took good notes during our study session?

Wait, this is the bio exam!

With the answers! Ty's planning on cheating.

Oh, I've got to get out of here.

This is the famous workhouse food scene from Oliver Twist.

Brittany, you play Oliver. Serge, you're Mr Bumble.

All right, let's give it a whirl.

-ENGLISH ACCENT:

-Please, sir, I want smores.

-I love smores!

-Me, too! Let's go get some.

Wait, that's not the line. It's, "Please, sir, I want some more".

-Please, sir, I want some more.

-What does she want some more of?

-Gruel.

-Eugh!

-Oh, I prefer smores.

-Me too.

Some more smores?

-You said smore smores!

-THEY LAUGH

Check this out, some more smore smores?

Please, sir, smore smore smores?

Some mores? Some more smore smores?

Smoresy smoresy smore smores!

-Mr Smores.

-Mr Smores and his little kitty!

Miaow, miaow, miaow!

-Smores!

-Smores!

Hey, Dr Cassabi.

I have a friend who accidentally put someone in someone else's computer.

-You put Carl in a computer?

-No, no, a friend did.

Was that friend your height and looked like you?

-No.

-And did this friend choose head nods for his angel magic?

I accidentally magicked Carl into Jane's computer and now he's not there. I don't know where he went.

Well, we can't help him if we can't find him.

Yeah, but he could be anywhere in the internet, which means anywhere in the world.

-KNOCKING

-Come in.

Hello!

Carl! Am I ever glad to see you!

I have been sending myself around the internet all day.

I finally found Dr Cassabi's email address on a bagel enthusiasts' mailing list.

Well, I like bagels because they look like little puffy halos.

Can you get me out of here? And you might want to think about trimming your nose hair.

Well, brace yourself, Carl.

Getting humans out of computers isn't exactly a cakewalk. Here we go.

What's happening?

Porter, can you help out?

I'm stuck!

Guys, I'd rather not live as a half man, half laptop!

Denise, can you come here?

-A little help, please.

-Hey, Carl.

-Hey, Denise.

Is this Porter's handiwork?

-What do you think?

-All of a sudden I feel so much happier.

Computers and magic are highly incompatible, Porter.

Next time we may not be able to get Carl back.

Promise me, no more computer magic.

I promise, no more magic anywhere near a computer for me.

Dr Cassabi, I'm up to my neck in "duh"!

Serge and Brittany are tough to teach.

-Saddled with a pair of difficult students? I have no idea what that must be like.

-Hey!

Denise, tell me all about your troubles over a bagel.

OK, look, we have a problem.

Surfing through cyberspace, I came across the biology exam answers on Ty's computer. He's going to cheat.

Not Ty, he's a model student! Are you going to tell Mr Dolby?

-It's not like I can tell him that my guardian angel pinged me into Ty's computer.

-There they are.

Hey, guys, it's exam time.

-I'm so ready.

-Me too.

-Want to bet I get the highest grade?

-Maybe I do.

Don't waste your money, I think Ty's got the edge.

You're not getting the harsh conditions of the times you're living in.

You've been slaving in a workhouse for six months.

You've got to act like you're hungry.

I am such a good actress that I am hungry.

When's lunch?

Serge, you're the owner of the workhouse who looks down on Oliver, a well-fed fat cat.

Fat? I work out every day.

Oh, you two are impossible!

I'm bringing in back-up.

Keep running lines.

-Mr Dickens, how's the writing going?

-Horribly. Now that I'm upstairs,

everything is always so bright and happy.

It has giving me serious writer's block.

I've got two people who need to be sad and depressed.

They're totally incapable of understanding the harsh setting of Oliver Twist.

How wonderful! You've made my day!

Can you help me get through to them?

Absolutely! They didn't call me Dickie Doom for nothing!

Serge, Brittany, this is my grandfather.

You smell like cough drops.

How do you do? My name is Charles Dickens.

-No connection to the other Charles Dickens.

-What other Charles Dickens?

They've never heard of Charles Dickens?

Hey, I was shocked, too.

-Brittany, did you even read the book?

-I read the cover.

-Did you real the whole cover?

-Most of it.

Always have your name above the title.

Porter, I should tell Mr Dolby I think the biology exam answers were stolen.

It's not fair to let someone cheat.

Hey, I'm with you.

I'm an angel, you're preaching to the choir.

Attention everyone, today's final exam has been cancelled.

APPLAUSE

Some diabolical mastermind has hacked my computer.

I say mastermind because my password is 30 characters long.

That's the last time I use my mother's maiden name.

Anyway, all my exam answers have been compromised.

Everybody in the hall for a thorough locker search!

I only conduct locker searches when it's necessary

cos I want the students to feel the administration trusts them.

Also, a student's locker is an ugly, smelly place.

Well, I guess Ty's going to get caught without my help.

All my notes are organised by subject.

Alphabetically first, then by binder hue.

Next!

-Bubble wrap?

-It's my earthquake preparedness kit.

-I have one myself.

-Next!

Where's all your stuff, Porter?

Everything I need is right here.

All right, children, let us begin your crash course in gloom.

-Picture a world where the smog is so thick you don't see the sun for days.

-You wouldn't need to wear sunblock.

A world where you toil at gruelling physical labour for 16 hours a day.

16-hour workouts, no membership fees, sign me up!

-No bread to eat.

-Cuts down on the carbs.

Rats gnawing at your feet.

-Exfoliates the skin.

-The Black Plague.

Great band.

Getting Serge and Brittany to relate to a story about poor hungry orphans is impossible.

It's as impossible as Principal Malone not playing an annoying song on his ukulele.

-What's that?

-Nothing.

Imagine a world

where only you are alive, everyone else is dead!

Ooh, I saw that zombie movie last summer at the drive in. Awesome!

-I heard they're making a sequel. It's in 3D!

-How many D?

That's it! It's hopeless.

The failure to inspire them has depressed even me.

Get me upstairs, quick,

I feel horrible enough to write another book.

If you need a character name, how about Denise?

And thanks for trying.

Where did that Mr Dixons guy go?

I carry a lot of spare pens during finals week.

If I ever need a pen I know where to come.

You can be my pen pal! THEY LAUGH

In point of fact, exams are to be written with number two pencil, not pen.

-Eureka! The exam answers.

-What?

No, no, no, no! That's not mine!

-Of course it isn't, Carl.

-Cheaters never prosper.

Unless they have a job as a cheater and their salary is high,

but that is a hypothetical situation that does not apply here.

Hey! Hey, why frame me?

Oh, nothing personal. You're the only one careless enough to leave his locker open, knucklehead.

He's right, I do do that.

Everyone, back to the classroom.

Except you, Carl.

You come with me.

So, Carl Montclaire.

Why are you using my full name?

Oh, you know, because this is serious.

Are you aware this situation is full-name serious?

Yes, sir, Principal John Malone.

-Philip? Beauregard!

-Do you have any evidence you were framed?

-Yes, sort of. I will, somehow.

-You have a good record as a student.

I have never known you to be dishonest.

Maybe this honesty thing is a big lie.

-It's not, sir.

-I believe you, but not about the cheating thing. I want to you bring me evidence.

You have until the end of the day to find your alleged framer otherwise, it's expulsion, Carl Montclaire.

-How's the tutoring going?

-It sucks! Even Charles Dickens himself couldn't do anything.

Wait, wait, wait. You magicked up a deceased author for back up?

Because you've never beamed in someone from upstairs before. I've read your file, PJ.

This isn't about me, Denise. You and I have been around for a long time, we've seen a lot of things.

-Serge and Brittany are of a different age.

-Yeah, age five!

They're modern teenagers.

Best way to get them to understand the hardships is to relate it to something they know.

That might be worth a shot. Thanks, PJ.

And stop calling me PJ.

Porter! Porter.

Put me back into the computer world.

Need the proof that Ty stole those exam answers.

I promised Dr Cassabi I wouldn't do any more computer magic.

-And you've never broken a promise to Dr Cassabi?

-OK, this isn't about me.

OK, it is, but you heard Dr Cassabi, if you go back in, you can get permanently stuck.

Well, can you think of a better way to clear my name?

All I have to do is to get into Ty's computer and email those answers to Principal Malone.

I'll help you, but I don't think this is a good idea.

-That's never stopped you before.

-True.

OK. So, all we have to do is find the nearest internet access.

OK, let's make this quick.

Wow, I must be at a new level on my video game! Oh, look at that!

I didn't know my game had an email function.

Look out, Ty, cos here comes justice.

Guys, I've got a whole new approach on how to be an effective peer tutor.

-Do we have to pay you?

-No.

I'll pass. If you don't want any money, you can't be any good.

OK, you can pay me.

Now I'm interested.

OK, this strategy will help you understand the world of Oliver Twist. Close your eyes.

-I'm texting.

-Serge doesn't close his eyes.

Except for sleep. Even then I keep them open a little bit.

If you two don't close your eyes you'll fail English.

Now just sit back and relax.

I want to you imagine something.

Serge! These towels need to be washed by hand,

the real players need to be clean!

Ha-ha-ha!

Argh!

What is the matter with my reception?

I have no signal, low battery...

Oh, can I use your phone?

Does anybody have a spare battery?

An extra phone charger?

No cellphones in the hallways.

Please, sir, can I text some more?

Open your eyes.

That was so real.

-And how did it make you feel?

-Bad.

Like missing the jump shot at the buzzer with your pants around your ankles.

Yeah, my phone is, like, the most important thing in my life.

Well, besides, like, my lungs and stuff.

So, you feel horrible, lonely, helpless?

Yeah. I am ready to be Oliver.

And I'm stoked to play Mr Bumble.

I spy with my little eye, something that is cheaty.

Got you. Now to copy.

Ty, you couldn't have made that any easier.

Oh, come on, Ty, you could've made it a little easier!

Hacker!

-You'll never get me.

-Man, a guy could go deaf in here.

Delete, delete, delete!

Come on, come on, come on! I hope I make it in time.

Loading! Come on, move faster!

One more file to delete and I'm safe.

Oh, my feet!

I mean I've always hated them, but this is no way for them to go!

-ENGLISH ACCENT:

-Get back to work! And, you, fetch me my tea!

Oh, stop complaining, it's only a flesh wound.

-ENGLISH ACCENT:

-Please, sir, can I have some more?

More? Get out of my sight, you wretched cur.

APPLAUSE

Looks like you created a couple of stars.

-Great job, Denise.

-Thanks, it was nothing.

Actually, it was a huge pain.

They were impossible to work with and I never want to spend another...

Hi.

We should go on tour and perform for schools all over the city.

Principal Malone, hey!

-There you are.

-Here I am.

-There you are, Principal Of The Year award.

Yeah! How did you get this baby?

Oh, what a night that was!

The competition was fierce, but my ukulele fiercer.

Yeah, yeah, the ukulele, great.

Now, if you'll excuse me, it's the end of the school day and Carl has yet to clear his name.

Hate to do it, but I'm about to call his mother.

Oh, yeah, you got a new email right there.

Is that what that's for?

Oh, yeah, I always thought it meant it was time to get more envelopes.

-My stomach!

-It says there's two attachments, but I don't see anything anywhere on my keyboard.

-You've just got to click that little paperclip.

-That one?

Yeah. Use the mouse.

No, click it with the mouse.

No, just click it! Click on it here!

There you go.

The answers for the biology final!

Yeah, and it's sent from Ty's computer and the document's labelled "Ty's Cheat Sheet".

Cheating will not be tolerated!

He's probably waiting for the school bus now!

Carl, are you still in there?

Hang in there, buddy.

-Whoa!

-Porter, my winning smile is not enough

-to get through the rest of my life.

-I can rebuild you.

I've got the angel technology.

-What, you couldn't have made me a bit taller?

-Do you really want me to try?

-I'm good.

I had to sent Carl back into the computer to clear his name.

But I warned you he could get trapped in there.

Ta-da!

I was down to nothing but a mouth and Porter managed to get me out.

You are both very lucky.

I'll say. How is this guy an AIT and I'm still waiting for my assignment?

I'm starting to wonder that myself.

All I know is that I'm glad to be back.

Carl? Ah, you are off the hook.

Ty just confessed at being the biology exam cheater.

He was an academic ringer sent in to bring up the grade average.

A school board plant, outrageous!

REDNECK ACCENT: I didn't know we done need someone to help us with our akee-demics!

-We done learned that Ty a lesson.

-I thought we was edu-macated!

Now let's go and get us a tater.

And I heard your tater had tots!

THEY LAUGH

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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