Without a Paddle Wingin' It


Without a Paddle

Similar Content

Browse content similar to Without a Paddle. Check below for episodes and series from the same categories and more!

Transcript


LineFromTo

My theory on the time continuum can be distilled as follows -

0:00:020:00:05

there are units of time...

0:00:050:00:07

..and in between those units of time are units of no time.

0:00:090:00:12

Time, no time. Time, no time.

0:00:120:00:15

Time...anybody?

0:00:150:00:18

-Ooh! Ooh!

-Carl?

0:00:180:00:19

-You take that back!

-Oh, I'll take it back - back to the bank!

0:00:190:00:22

What is this acoustical disturbance?

0:00:220:00:24

Tarrandale is going down at the Physics Games.

0:00:260:00:29

That'd be a first, Malone.

0:00:290:00:30

It's called the Physics Games, but it's just sports events

0:00:300:00:33

with a physics angle tacked on.

0:00:330:00:35

It hurts Serge to say this, but Bennett High's never won the Games.

0:00:350:00:39

Argh! It actually hurt me to say that.

0:00:390:00:41

The Bennett Bears could never take the Tarrandale Tigers.

0:00:410:00:44

Care to make it interesting, m'Looney Tunes?

0:00:440:00:46

Sure, Mooser-Looser!

0:00:460:00:49

If Bennett High wins the Physics Games...

0:00:490:00:52

..we get Tarrandale's gobsmack vending machine!

0:00:520:00:54

-No, their video-screen scoreboard!

-Printing press!

0:00:540:00:57

< Their atrium fountain!

0:00:570:00:59

What? It's stocked with koi!

0:00:590:01:01

I've got it. Mooser, if Bennett High wins the Physics Games,

0:01:010:01:05

I get one month with your convertible.

0:01:050:01:07

Deal. And if Tarrandale High wins, I get your...

0:01:070:01:11

ukulele.

0:01:110:01:12

ALL GASP

0:01:120:01:14

-Deal. That's the confidence I have in my students.

-Then you won't mind

0:01:190:01:22

if I pick your Bear Cubs for you.

0:01:220:01:25

You, you, you and you.

0:01:250:01:27

Well, that's only four. Who's your final pick?

0:01:270:01:29

Gah...I would like to volunteer.

0:01:350:01:39

It's on!

0:01:390:01:41

# Let's give it one more shot

0:01:480:01:51

# Let's give it everything we've got

0:01:510:01:55

# Cos if we get it right

0:01:550:01:57

# We will surely conquer the world

0:01:570:02:03

# I've got my wings from an angel

0:02:030:02:06

# Now we're wingin' it all the time

0:02:060:02:10

# I'm giving wings to an angel

0:02:100:02:13

# On the wings of an angel

0:02:130:02:16

# Now we've gotta learn to fly. #

0:02:160:02:19

# Sure as shootin', we love Newton

0:02:260:02:28

# Welcome to the 22nd annual Physics Games!

0:02:280:02:31

# Where we compete for the coveted Newton's Cradle! #

0:02:310:02:34

Which Bennett High will win this year.

0:02:360:02:38

Preposterous! Let's make this really interesting.

0:02:380:02:41

If Bennett High wins, my team will clean your entire school grounds!

0:02:410:02:46

-And if Tarrandale wins...

-Please don't say it.

0:02:490:02:51

..my team will clean your school grounds.

0:02:510:02:54

Yup, he said it.

0:02:540:02:56

After exhaustive negotiations,

0:02:560:02:58

Tarrandale's own Principal Mooser and I

0:02:580:03:01

have finally agreed on an impartial judge, so please welcome

0:03:010:03:04

Bennett High's own Mr Telson!

0:03:040:03:07

Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, that's great.

0:03:090:03:12

He teaches here. How is he impartial?

0:03:120:03:14

Stow it, Montclaire!

0:03:140:03:16

I'm impartial because I happen to dislike everybody equally!

0:03:160:03:19

How did you hear that?

0:03:190:03:20

My anger dumps adrenaline into my system,

0:03:200:03:22

which heightens my senses. Now I have the hearing of a fruit bat!

0:03:220:03:26

And the subtlety of a baseball bat.

0:03:260:03:28

I heard that. Let's get this show on the road.

0:03:280:03:30

I gotta be in anger management class this afternoon, so, teams, approach.

0:03:300:03:34

OK. Hi. How are you? Good.

0:03:340:03:36

Like I care. OK, let the Physics Games begin!

0:03:360:03:41

CHEERING

0:03:410:03:42

-Here, Carl, I brought you this sports drink.

-Quench Extreme!

0:03:440:03:48

-Um, thanks!

-So, how's it going?

-How do you think it's going?

0:03:480:03:52

-I'm sweating, and I haven't played yet.

-You'll do fine.

0:03:520:03:55

That's why I volunteered you.

0:03:550:03:57

"Volunteering" means you do it yourself.

0:03:570:03:59

No, you can volunteer people.

0:03:590:04:01

So, Carl, you ready to bring it home for Bennett High?

0:04:010:04:03

Oh, you betcha, sir. As a matter of fact,

0:04:030:04:05

my good friend Porter

0:04:050:04:07

has volunteered to document all of the games.

0:04:070:04:09

He's offered to do commentary on everything.

0:04:090:04:12

Excellent idea, Mr Jackson!

0:04:120:04:14

You're right, you CAN volunteer someone to do something else.

0:04:160:04:19

-Ha! Burn!

-I don't know why you're laughing, you're holding the camera.

0:04:190:04:22

CARL LAUGHS

0:04:220:04:23

My event is hollow sphere momentum battle, also known as Ping-Pong.

0:04:260:04:30

-Anything else you'd like to add?

-No.

0:04:300:04:34

OK, thanks for that riveting interview, Carl.

0:04:340:04:37

This is some good TV.

0:04:370:04:38

OK, best two out of three wins the event.

0:04:410:04:44

Gentlemen, if you'll grab your momentum conductors...

0:04:440:04:47

You mean paddles? Don't test me, Carl, don't do that, OK?

0:04:470:04:50

-Step up to your hemispheres, gentlemen.

-He means "side".

0:04:500:04:53

WHISTLE BLOWS

0:04:570:04:59

Just give me a chance, all right?

0:05:000:05:02

-How about a little warm-up?

-Oh, poor Carl! He's trying so hard! It's sad.

0:05:050:05:11

Cute, but sad.

0:05:110:05:12

I thought a Tarrandale victory would be a piece of cake,

0:05:120:05:15

but this is an entire bakery!

0:05:150:05:17

You want that to sound threatening? It just sounds fattening.

0:05:170:05:21

WHISTLE BLOWS

0:05:210:05:23

All right! First of three games goes to Tarrandale!

0:05:230:05:26

We'll now take a short break while I call my rage sponsor!

0:05:260:05:29

That was brutal! I wonder what kind of gloves I should wear

0:05:290:05:32

when I'm picking up trash off the Tarrandale school grounds.

0:05:320:05:35

You just need focus and determination

0:05:350:05:37

and you can pull off a surprise upset.

0:05:370:05:39

No-one would be more surprised than me, but I'll give it my best.

0:05:390:05:42

-All right.

-Why don't you magic him up some help?

0:05:420:05:45

-He's your friend as well as your assignment.

-I'm not stepping in.

0:05:450:05:48

He's got to do this on his own, even if he gets his but kicked.

0:05:480:05:51

PRINCIPAL MALONE MUMBLES

0:05:510:05:52

Well, at least he looks good doing it.

0:05:520:05:54

Do you have a thing for Carl?

0:05:560:05:59

A thing? As if! Please!

0:05:590:06:01

What are you talking about?

0:06:010:06:02

Yes, I do like Carl, he's cute and sweet

0:06:020:06:06

and who can resist those dimples?

0:06:060:06:09

The problem is, I talked to Dr Cassabi last week

0:06:090:06:11

about whether AITs are even ALLOWED to date humans.

0:06:110:06:14

Dr C, you got a sec?

0:06:140:06:16

Make it fast, Denise, there's a lemon Danish in there calling my name.

0:06:160:06:19

What if an angel dated a human? Would they be in big trouble?

0:06:190:06:22

Oh, big is too small a word for that kind of trouble.

0:06:220:06:25

-You'd need a word much bigger than big.

-So it never happens?

-Ha!

0:06:250:06:30

It never works out.

0:06:320:06:33

I'm going to go ask Carl if he'll do a post-game interview

0:06:360:06:40

about crushing defeat, give us some stuff for the blooper reel.

0:06:400:06:43

Carl, Porter wanted to give you a little help

0:06:480:06:50

for the rest of the game.

0:06:500:06:51

Use this magic paddle and you'll be awesome.

0:06:510:06:53

-Oh, don't take it by the handle.

-Porter's cool with this?

-Totally!

0:06:530:06:58

-He was faking you out with that crummy pep talk.

-What does it do?

0:06:580:07:01

-Whenever you hold the handle, time slows down.

-Just the handle.

-Yep.

0:07:010:07:05

Everything slows down so much,

0:07:050:07:06

you'll be able to read the "Made In Taiwan" stamp on the ball.

0:07:060:07:09

This is great! Go get 'em, champ!

0:07:090:07:12

Now, let's battle this hollow sphere and get it over with.

0:07:120:07:16

SLOWED DOWN: All right, Tigers, come on!

0:07:290:07:32

SLOWED-DOWN CHEERING

0:07:390:07:40

Nicely done, Porter. With this magic paddle, I can't lose.

0:07:420:07:45

HE SIGHS

0:07:490:07:51

Time is relative.

0:08:020:08:03

Let's say you could experience it at a different rate to your normal time.

0:08:030:08:06

To you, everything else would move at a different speed.

0:08:060:08:09

It could move slowly...or quickly! Cos it's relative.

0:08:090:08:13

Wow! Carl's moving so fast it's hard to keep track of him!

0:08:130:08:17

You set me up, Malone!

0:08:170:08:19

Why do I feel this is some kind of a physics hustle?

0:08:190:08:22

Hey, I just wanted this to be a fun event.

0:08:220:08:25

You wanted to make it interesting.

0:08:250:08:27

SLOWED-DOWN CHEERING

0:08:390:08:41

Ow!

0:08:450:08:47

All right, and Bennett wins!

0:08:470:08:49

They take an early lead in the Physics Games!

0:08:490:08:53

-Carl, you were awesome!

-Thanks - thanks to Porter, anyways.

0:08:530:08:58

-Yeah, you're welcome...to Porter.

-Carl!

0:08:580:09:01

Look what your dumb Ping-Pong ball did to my fingernail!

0:09:010:09:04

I am not going to be able to compete in the texting match like this!

0:09:040:09:08

I'm going to be TTLY LOLs to my lead BFFs!

0:09:080:09:11

I'm going to be the laughing stock of the texting community!

0:09:110:09:14

Oh, you are so going to be hearing from my manicurist!

0:09:140:09:17

In parabola catch, the object of the game

0:09:220:09:25

is to flick the ball in a perfect parabolic arc

0:09:250:09:28

and land in the cup on one's head.

0:09:280:09:31

Usually I'm on the ball, but now the ball's on me.

0:09:310:09:33

That's some good physics humour!

0:09:330:09:35

WHISTLE BLOWS

0:09:420:09:43

Tarrandale wins the parabola catch event,

0:09:430:09:46

tying the Physics Games one to one!

0:09:460:09:48

Next event will be the angle shot.

0:09:480:09:51

Don't you mean "basketball"?

0:09:520:09:54

I mean THE ANGLE SHOT!

0:09:570:10:00

What is this event? Fill us in.

0:10:040:10:05

It's where you have to make baskets from farther and farther away

0:10:050:10:08

and from more and more complicated angles.

0:10:080:10:11

-You miss a shot, you lose.

-And as we all know, Serge doesn't miss.

0:10:110:10:15

Sorry, what was that? I missed it.

0:10:150:10:17

WHISTLE BLOWS

0:10:470:10:49

GASPS

0:10:540:10:57

WHISTLE BLOWS

0:11:060:11:07

GASPS

0:11:100:11:12

-Woo-hoo! Yeah!

-So many angles!

-Serge!

0:11:220:11:27

You just won by sinking your basket from way more angles!

0:11:270:11:29

What's that like?

0:11:290:11:31

Normal! Totally, totally normal.

0:11:310:11:33

-WHISTLE BLOWS

-No, no, no, no.

0:11:330:11:35

-Serge had a human assist.

-What human assist?

0:11:350:11:37

My HEAD! Which disqualifies you. The win goes to Tarrandale.

0:11:370:11:44

Tarrandale leads Bennett High two events to one.

0:11:450:11:48

Next event - stack strike!

0:11:480:11:50

WHISTLE MAKES NO SOUND

0:11:500:11:52

Oh, you made me break my whistle, loser!

0:11:530:11:56

Stack strike, where we test gravitational theory and stability

0:11:580:12:01

by stacking as many random, oddly-shaped items as possible.

0:12:010:12:04

If that's what they're telling you!

0:12:040:12:06

Time!

0:12:120:12:13

Oh, and the winner is...

0:12:130:12:14

Alex Horatio P Rodriguez!

0:12:140:12:17

Bennett High ties the Physics Games two to two!

0:12:180:12:22

The final event, velocity text, will determine our winner.

0:12:220:12:25

BLOWS HOOTER

0:12:250:12:27

Can someone get me a proper whistle, one that will express my FURY?

0:12:290:12:32

I'm a master at texting.

0:12:340:12:36

I learned to talk three weeks after I learned to text.

0:12:360:12:39

-My first word was LOL.

-Thanks, Brittany. We will BRB.

0:12:390:12:42

Let's leave the text talk to the pros, Porter.

0:12:420:12:46

It just got a whole lot colder in here.

0:12:460:12:48

Brittany, you have to compete. It's just a broken nail.

0:12:480:12:52

But it's my thumbnail! It takes forever to text with one thumb!

0:12:520:12:54

And it's going to take even longer than that to clean up

0:12:540:12:56

the Tarrandale school grounds!

0:12:560:12:59

You know what, take this.

0:12:590:13:00

I am not going to hollow sphere momentum battle with you, Carl!

0:13:000:13:03

It's called Ping-Pong! It's my good-luck charm,

0:13:030:13:06

and since breaking your nail was kind of my fault...

0:13:060:13:08

Kind of? Totally of!

0:13:080:13:10

Anyway, I figure you could use all the luck you get.

0:13:100:13:12

-Whenever you need luck, just hold the paddle by the handle.

-Whatevs.

0:13:120:13:16

What's Brittany doing with the magic paddle?

0:13:180:13:20

I figured she could use it.

0:13:200:13:21

It stops time for whoever holds its handle, right?

0:13:210:13:23

But I magicked it for you, not to give to some other girl!

0:13:230:13:26

Wait, you made the paddle? I thought Porter made it.

0:13:260:13:29

I only told you Porter made it because I wanted to help you!

0:13:290:13:32

I didn't think you'd take it if you knew it was from me.

0:13:320:13:35

-That's...weirdly sweet.

-Don't forget "oddly cute".

-You're funny, Denise.

0:13:350:13:42

Wait, funny "ha-ha" or funny "I like you"?

0:13:440:13:47

BLOWS SLIDE WHISTLE

0:13:470:13:49

How is this an improvement?!

0:13:510:13:52

Somebody get me a normal whistle or I'll stop being so nice!

0:13:520:13:55

OK, the object of Velocity Text

0:13:550:13:57

is to text as many famous physicists' names

0:13:570:14:00

as you can without error.

0:14:000:14:01

On my signal, ready...set...

0:14:010:14:04

text!

0:14:040:14:06

CHANTING

0:14:060:14:09

Ooh, look at me go! I am text-tastic!

0:14:180:14:22

Even with one hand I'm better than that poser! Oh, that's right, sister!

0:14:220:14:26

You stop in your tracks and take it in, take it ALL in!

0:14:260:14:30

-Man, look at her go!

-I know, there's no way she'll lose!

0:14:300:14:36

Wow, why's Brittany typing at hyper-speed

0:14:370:14:39

and why's she holding a Ping-Pong paddle?

0:14:390:14:41

-Oh, you know Brittany.

-Yeah, and I know you, so I'm calling your bluff.

0:14:410:14:46

OK, I magicked Carl up a Ping-Pong paddle that slows down time

0:14:460:14:50

so, you know, he could concentrate during the game.

0:14:500:14:53

-And you gave it to Brittany? That's cheating, Carl!

-No, no!

0:14:530:14:56

It's not cheating, it's...it's... All right, maybe it's cheating.

0:14:560:15:01

Plus, do you think Denise's magic doesn't come without a hitch?

0:15:010:15:04

-Or two or three?

-I find it hilarious that you don't think I can hear you.

0:15:040:15:08

All right, I'll go get the Ping-Pong paddle.

0:15:080:15:10

-But it was a very nice thing to do, Denise.

-Thank you, Carl.

0:15:100:15:13

BING!

0:15:130:15:15

BING!

0:15:150:15:18

BING!

0:15:180:15:20

BING!

0:15:220:15:24

-What the...?

-Sorry, I need my lucky paddle back.

0:15:290:15:31

Wait, it turns out your lucky paddle IS lucky.

0:15:310:15:34

-You saw how fast I texted the name of those psychics.

-Physicists.

0:15:340:15:37

-Bless you.

-Brittany, give me the paddle back.

-Just get away from me!

0:15:370:15:43

OK, maybe I can just screw it back together...

0:15:460:15:49

Whoa, talk about a time-out.

0:15:570:16:00

Looks like I'm stuck in a different time than everyone else.

0:16:000:16:03

Well, that cannot be good!

0:16:050:16:08

If matter stays too long in the wrong time,

0:16:080:16:10

it will eventually cease to exist.

0:16:100:16:12

If I don't get back to the right time,

0:16:120:16:14

then I'll be out of time...forever.

0:16:140:16:17

Thanks, you two! This is what I get for having magical friends.

0:16:180:16:22

LOUD, SLOW TICKING

0:16:220:16:25

Man, time's still moving. It's just going really, really slow.

0:16:280:16:32

Time can be interpreted at different rates and speeds.

0:16:320:16:35

Time for a turtle can seem much slower than time for a hummingbird.

0:16:350:16:39

So, if time's still moving, that means...

0:16:390:16:42

Carl, you're the hummingbird and everyone else is moving like turtles.

0:16:420:16:47

I'm the hummingbird and everyone else is moving like turtles!

0:16:470:16:50

Whoa! OK, just keep it together.

0:16:530:16:56

How does super-fast Carl get a message to super-slow Denise

0:16:560:16:59

and Porter?

0:16:590:17:01

I could just text them a message.

0:17:010:17:02

Sorry, Brit, I want you to win,

0:17:050:17:06

but my life's a little bit more important.

0:17:060:17:09

"Angels, broke the paddle, stuck in accelerated time, save me.

0:17:090:17:17

"Frowny face." Send.

0:17:170:17:19

Any minute now.

0:17:220:17:23

You know, when you actually take the time to do the math homework,

0:17:270:17:30

it makes sense.

0:17:300:17:32

I think I'll go for a walk.

0:17:380:17:39

HE WHISTLES

0:17:410:17:44

Finally!

0:17:480:17:50

-Frowny face! We need to get to Carl's speed.

-Yeah.

0:17:540:17:59

Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up, hurry up! Oh! Finally!

0:17:590:18:04

-I've been here for hours!

-Whoa, I feel like I'm in a wax museum.

0:18:040:18:07

-I was thinking department store.

-Wax museum's way cooler.

-Never been.

0:18:070:18:11

You should go.

0:18:110:18:12

Well, maybe if I don't vanish forever, I'll take you up on it.

0:18:120:18:16

Yeah, quite right. I can't undo another AIT's magic.

0:18:160:18:19

We have to wait for Denise to get up to speed and even then,

0:18:190:18:22

I'm not sure she has the right skill.

0:18:220:18:24

-By the way, I think she likes you.

-No way, you're lying. Really?

0:18:270:18:31

-She gave you a magic paddle in your time of need.

-Yeah, she did.

0:18:310:18:34

-But you don't like her, do you?

-You know what? I kind of do.

-No way!

0:18:340:18:40

-Look at her standing there all cute and blushing.

-What? Blushing?

0:18:400:18:43

Hey, guys! I didn't see you there!

0:18:430:18:47

-Did you hear everything that we just said?

-Yes!

0:18:480:18:51

No.

0:18:510:18:52

Yes.

0:18:520:18:54

I was just pretending to be frozen for the last ten seconds or so.

0:18:540:18:57

You deceitful little badger!

0:18:570:18:59

Remember what I said about the bickering?

0:18:590:19:01

Fix me and then we can talk about liking each other.

0:19:010:19:03

Great idea! I'll take care of Carl.

0:19:030:19:05

All right. See you guys on the other side.

0:19:050:19:07

-So, how about a date?

-Yes. Yes. Yes, yes, yes!

0:19:090:19:13

Oh! It's great to be back in regular time. Oh, yeah, the velocity text.

0:19:150:19:18

Stop texting!

0:19:180:19:20

All right, due to a rogue sentence

0:19:200:19:22

that is not part of the required texting field,

0:19:220:19:24

points will be deducted from the Bennett Bears'

0:19:240:19:26

velocity text score.

0:19:260:19:28

-PRINCIPAL MOOSER:

-Yes!

0:19:290:19:31

I'll expect your team this weekend

0:19:310:19:33

to clean up the Tarrandale grounds

0:19:330:19:35

and hand over that ridiculous baby guitar, m'loser!

0:19:350:19:38

But with the number of characters that Brittany has texted,

0:19:380:19:40

she has set a new world's record for speed texting.

0:19:400:19:43

According to our rules, that gives her enough bonus points

0:19:430:19:46

that the Physics Games trophy goes to Bennett High!

0:19:460:19:48

CHEERING AND BOOING

0:19:480:19:51

You may have won the battle but you haven't won the war, m'homie.

0:19:580:20:03

See you later, alligator.

0:20:030:20:06

TYRES SCREECH

0:20:060:20:07

-CRASH!

-That's my car!

0:20:070:20:11

That tyre needs air.

0:20:140:20:15

I guess I'm more of a public transit kind of guy.

0:20:190:20:22

-ALL: Oh, Principal Malone!

-The movies?

-You got it!

0:20:230:20:26

I hope you guys know what you're doing.

0:20:260:20:28

Angel-human dating - it's against the rules.

0:20:280:20:31

Carl? Carl? Denise?

0:20:310:20:34

Am I stuck in accelerated time? Guys! Guys!

0:20:350:20:38

-That's not cool, dude!

-That was kind of funny!

-For a second.

0:20:410:20:45

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:20:500:20:53

E-mail [email protected]

0:20:530:20:56

Download Subtitles

SRT

ASS