All Lizards Go to Heaven, Part 2 Wingin' It

'Previously on Wingin It.'

-You're going down, Jackson.

-No, I'm not.

Oh! You have been de...

SQUISH

-Uh-oh.

-What?

-Man, I killed Becky's lizard!

OK, angels, we all just heard that magical transgression alarm.

My suspect for the use of regeneration magic

is none other than Porter Jackson.

There's got to be angels other than Porter.

I'm innocent! You hear me?

I'm going to confess, even if I get expelled.

-From school?

-No, from being an angel.

You'll never see me again.

Call your first witness.

Carl Montclaire.

# Let's give it one more shot

# Let's give it everything you've got

# Cos if we get it right

# We will surely conquer the world

# Hey!

# I got my wings from an angel

# Now we're in it all the time

# I'm giving wings to an angel

# On the wings of an angel

# Now we've got to learn to fly. #

Quiet down! Quiet down! Everybody be quiet!

Bringing a human up here is absolutely against the rules.

This is madness! The court will adjourn

until we can find some way of dealing with this...

-This...

-Carl.

This Carl.

One minute, I'm brushing my pearly whites, the next,

I'm at the pearly gates. Good thing I took a shower first.

Wait, did I leave the water running?

Porter is skating on thin ice beaming up Carl as a witness.

A human hasn't set foot up here since Ezekiel.

Porter doesn't know what he's doing.

I know exactly what I'm doing.

Carl is the perfect character witness.

He's a fun-loving, lizard-kissing, pyjama-clad,

baby-faced, one-way ticket out of this mess.

Wow, everything's so white.

Cleaning bills up here must be huge.

So, why did you bring me up here?

I need you to explain to them how essential it was

that I brought Becky's lizard back to life.

-You're a persuasive guy.

-I am?

Remember when you got me to try yoga?

I'm not supposed to bend this way.

Ah, I'm holding the book upside down.

All right, I'll do it. Can you magic me up some pants?

Magic doesn't work in jail. Besides, pyjamas make you seem... Pathetic.

You mean sympathetic?

Whatever you need. Remember to occasionally pout,

and if you feel the need to tear up, don't be shy.

A well-timed, "Aw, shucks," goes a long way.

Aw, shucks!

Save it for the stand, pyjama boy.

-Hello, Carl.

-Aw, shucks!

Is it true that your sister Becky has a pet lizard?

Objection! Alleged lizard.

-Alleged?

-OK, it's a real lizard but I just wanted to say "alleged".

Was there an incident last week involving Porter Jackson

and this alleged lizard?

Aw, shucks, I don't know what you're talking about, Mr.

Oh, just so you know, we have a built-in lie-detector up here.

Every time you lie, your body twitches.

The bigger the lie, the bigger the twitch.

Well, that's just swell, ma'am.

I was being sarcastic. I thought it'd be funny.

Come on, I knew it wouldn't be funny. I was just stalling.

I move to dismiss this witness. His testimony's too shaky.

You can't dismiss your witness.

That's like blessing yourself when you sneeze.

-May I continue?

-Please.

Carl, would you say that Porter Jackson is a good AIT?

-Er, I can honestly say that he's the best

-I

-ever had.

Do you two get along all the time?

No, we argue about almost everything.

-Has Porter ever been reckless in his use of magic?

-Constantly.

-Should I cry now?

-No, I got it.

There is nothing heavenly about how little I got to eat in jail.

Hi, Sarah. Hi, Michael. I'm back.

-Hey, Brittany. Hey, Serge.

-We need Porter's help.

What's the problem?

-I think that this looks cooler.

-I think this looks cooler.

-Well, I think...

-Shh, only Porter can settle this. He has the last word in cool.

Let's keep looking.

He's easy to spot - he looks like Porter. Thanks for nothing, Bernice.

My name is Denise!

-Hey, Denise.

-Thank you.

You're welcome for whatever you think it's for.

Have you seen Carl? We've been looking for him all day.

Nope, I haven't seen Carl, but I've been away for a while. I was...

-Great! Anyway, if you see Carl let us know.

-See you later, Doug.

It's Denise!

I need a few moments to confer with my lawyer.

Ah, finally decided to lawyer up, did you? Wise move.

My lawyer is Dr Cassabi.

Ooh, Dr Cassa... Dr Cassabi?!

That's rich.

Me, a lawyer? I'm not qualified.

My only legal training is watching old movies.

Being my lawyer, you can't testify against me.

Game changer.

I realize Porter Jackson has already confessed

to using regeneration magic,

but, as his lawyer,

I move that this entire trial be dismissed.

On what grounds?

What grounds?

Well, there are no grounds. That's why it's a mistrial.

I'm sorry, you just said there are no grounds for a mistrial.

-Hung jury.

-There is no jury.

Objection!

I am the one with an objection to your ridiculous courtroom theatrics!

And, furthermore, hereto,

if this continues, I will find you out of order.

No, you are out of order.

This tribunal is out of order.

The vending machine in the lobby is out of order.

There's a bag of pretzels that I paid for

that are just dangling on that metal ring thingy.

So, I ask you, who are the real criminals?

This court owes me a bag of pretzels,

which, I will gladly exchange for the release of one Porter Jackson.

The defence rests.

What are you doing?

It's OK, I went to the cafeteria and got myself another bag of chips.

-It's all good.

-And what about my case?

Oh, yeah, here's the kicker.

I demand justice!

You call THIS justice?

I got my pretzels.

# Nobody knows The trouble I've seen

# Nobody knows my sorrow... #

-You have to stop that, sir.

-Yeah, that is really bad.

I was just trying to lighten things up.

Carl Montclaire, get over here.

You're free to go.

You know what, I'm good. I think I'll hang out here.

When I say you're free to go, you go.

It's not a hotel, even though there are chocolates on the pillow.

Can they at least have a moment to say goodbye?

Make it quick.

So, I'll see you again soon, right?

Yeah, sure. I mean, you still owe me five bucks.

Take care, man.

You're embarrassing yourself.

Almost as much as you're embarrassing me.

Oh! Carl, you scared me.

-Sorry, Mom.

-Hey.

Are you crying?

No, it's probably just allergies and carpet dust.

Well, you're welcome to pick up the vacuum once in a while, too.

Hey, Becks. How's Mr Phibian doing?

-Yeah, he's dead.

-What?! What happened?

Cricket fought back. What you going to do?

So, that's it?

Don't worry, Carl, all lizards go to heaven.

I wish I could go to heaven so I could help Porter.

I can't get up there myself. I need help.

Lots of help.

That's it.

Mom, I've got to meet somebody.

But you're in your pyjamas.

It's the latest thing.

I don't like it either. Brittany sets trends by force.

I could hardly wait to finally get the goods on Porter.

Wrapping up this case will be a real feather in my cap,

and that cap already has a lot of feathers.

So many feathers, it matches my wings.

Mr Jackson, let's get right to the point.

An angel who knows what he wants. Very admirable.

May I say, that white is very flattering. Is it vanilla?

It's eggshell, actually. Wait a second!

You're trying to divert attention away from yourself.

Very insightful observation, sir.

-May I say, that you're very good...

-Enough!

Would it be fair to say that you tried to frame Denise Simmons

in a blatant attempt to get rid of her?

That is not true.

And yet, it is common knowledge that you despise Miss Simmons

almost as much as Ms Stern here despises Dr Cassabi.

-Objection!

-Overruled. I do despise you.

Denise annoys me. Despise is a very strong word.

Oh, numbskull, dipstick, dingleberry!

Language, please.

Those are some of the words you've used

to describe Denise in the past year.

Objection! What does this have to do with the lizard?

Objection sustained.

-Really? What do you know?

-Where is this line of questioning going?

This testimony points out Porter's character,

of which I'm still very doubtful.

Hmm, I'll allow it.

So close!

Not really.

Denise and I have our differences. It's because we're so alike.

So much alike that you attempted to get rid of the competition?

How low.

No further questions.

Let's stop for a short recess.

-Have you seen Porter?

-No, have you seen Carl?

-No.

I drew this wanted poster to help find them.

I can't figure out why it's not working, though.

Hey, guys.

It worked!

Carl, we've been looking all over for you. Did you sleep in?

I didn't even have time to change.

Just came straight here in my pyjamas.

It's an improvement. At least you're not wearing plaid.

Yeah, have you guys seen Denise?

That's her name. I knew it had something with an "ise" in it.

-Where is she?

-I think she's at Mama Bee's.

OK, thanks. Got to go.

Carl's terrible at joyful reunions.

Do you think they'll go easy on me?

-If ever there is a place to expect mercy, this is it.

-Porter Jackson.

We have discussed your transgressions at length.

Must have had a few laughs, huh?

The tribunal can rule one of two ways.

Option one.

You can be put on probation and allowed to work as an AIT...

We'll take it! No need to hear option two.

Enough of this lip-flappery! My mouth is still moving, I am still speaking.

Option two...

..expulsion!

-Denise.

-No, I have not seen Porter!

-I'm not looking for Porter, I'm looking for you.

-Finally!

Sit, have a slice. Let's talk, pick a topic.

Politics? The weather?

People who wear pyjamas in the middle of the day?

What do you want to talk about?

-Porter.

-Get out.

Porter's about to be expelled.

-Not my problem.

-No, it's my problem.

I was the one that ratted you out to Agent 45, not Porter.

You did what?!

I'll explain later. Porter needs your help.

I am so sick of hearing Porter this and Porter that.

Then do it for me. Help Carl.

Why would I want to help the guy who put me in jail?

There are rare instances when an infraction is just too great.

Using illegal regeneration magic is one of those instances.

The tribunal has no choice.

Porter Jackson, you are expelled!

Getting expelled means you can't stay here.

But you can't stay on earth either.

Like in between two girls fighting over you?

No, like in between two parties when you're not invited.

You're banished to the planet of banishment.

-Does it have Wi-Fi?

-Yeah, but nobody knows the password.

Any final words, Porter?

Marmalade.

-Marmalade?

-I'm sorry, marmalade?

Yeah, I mean...

I've heard it used before, but I never used it myself so...

Marmalade.

Marmalade. Interesting choice.

But I'm afraid it won't get you out of this...jam!

THEY LAUGH

I'll toast to that.

What?

No toasting.

I'll let you say your final goodbyes,

and then, you are expelled forever!

-Don't beam away again.

-I can't believe you got me arrested.

First, I'm going to refuse to help you.

Then, I'll point out that only an idiot wears pyjamas to school.

Then, I'll shake my head and go...

Tut-tut-tut.

I'm really sorry, but Porter really needs your help.

-I really don't give a hang.

-What can I do to convince you?

Nothing.

No, no, no, you hesitated. Come on, tell me.

OK...

I want to see you dance.

Dance is an age-old form of non-verbal communication.

I want to see what message is communicated

by a desperate guy in his pyjamas.

-Dance?

-You heard me, dance. Here, now.

-In front of all these people?

-We're waiting.

Come on, shake those hips. Shake them good.

Not much communication, but still fun to watch.

Is this really necessary?

-As necessary as you eating a platter of eclairs.

-Wait, what?

The eclair is a custard-filled pastry

that originated in France in the 19th century.

Very tasty, very messy.

Eat, dance, repeat.

-OK.

-Ah, no hands.

And now a dash of yodelling.

I don't know a thing about yodelling,

except that it goes with dancing and eclairs.

Yodel-eh-hee-hoo!

Keep up the yodelling,

and shoving eclairs in your yodel hole.

Carl Montclaire dancing, eating eclairs,

and yodelling, equals cute.

Yodel-eh, yodel-eh... Will you help me now?

-One more thing.

-What?

You have to take me on a date.

-Say what?!

-No, no...

Fine, but there will be no yodelling, no dancing,

and we're not going for dessert.

Fair enough. What's the plan?

Porter Jackson, it's been a pleasure.

I wish you the very best of luck.

Thanks a lot, Dr Cassabi.

I appreciate it.

I'm going to miss you, right?

Into oblivion.

What's that?

Stop!

Bring him back. We have important information.

Try harder!

I am.

That was close.

I'm sorry to interrupt,

but I really need to say something to the tribunal.

Porter Jackson has a reputation as being a rebel,

but he's not the only angel to break the rule.

I can prove it.

-Ready?

-For our date?

-No, for the plan.

Oh. Observe.

This butterfly is dead.

Alive, ta-da!

GASPING

- Not again. - Denise should be expelled, too.

Wait, wait.

Denise beamed me all over the world so that I could talk to AITs.

It turns out they all had a moment

where they wished they could've used regeneration magic for a human.

Porter Jackson was the first AIT to be compassionate enough to do it.

So, Carl asked them if they'd come here today on Porter's behalf.

All these AITs believe in Porter Jackson.

This AIT just brought this hawk back to life.

It flew into a building.

None of its chicks would have survived.

I just brought a party back to life.

-What, by leaving?

-Yeah.

I just brought this cat back to life - ten times.

Sure, the first nine lives are easy, but the last one, hard stuff.

SHE SPEAKS A FOREIGN LANGUAGE

What? What? What is she saying?

She just brought a dead language back.

I just brought these shoulder-pads back in style.

Need more evidence?

Turtle - back to life. Bunny - back to life.

Goldfish - back to life.

Look, Miss Stern,

there's regeneration magic happening all over the planet.

It's outrageous.

OK, enough, enough.

Quiet!

What is this all about, Carl?

Take a look around you, Miss Stern. What do you see?

AITs from all over the world, a human boy,

-shoulder-pads that shouldn't have seen the light of day.

-Continue.

All of us, every single one of us, are here because of Porter Jackson.

-Even Denise is here. She hates the guy.

-True.

Porter Jackson was sent to earth to help me become popular,

and I still have a long way to go.

-Hey, you're doing better than me.

-Well...

Whatever it is Porter did, it doesn't justify being banished.

None of us feel the punishment fits the crime.

So, if you're going to expel Porter, you'll have to expel all of us.

ALL: All of us.

Yes, expel them!

This is a remarkable display of solidarity.

The tribunal needs to discuss this new turn of events.

Thank you all for your moving show of support.

It's clear that Porter Jackson has committed a crime of compassion,

and I hereby declare that Porter Jackson is not expelled.

THEY CHEER

Great!

I further declare

that those shoulder-pads are officially back in style.

-It's great to be back.

-It's great to be back in pants.

Porter, how dare you not be around when we're looking for you.

You'd look cooler if you posed back to back.

Way better.

Let's test it in front of the whole school.

Porter, you're back.

I guess I won't be needing these 400 posters with your face on them.

I know, I'll use them to wallpaper my room.

Where were you all this time?

I'm an AIT, I can't lie.

Er, I was up in...

The attic in my house. He accidentally got locked in.

-I had a white cell...

-Phone but he couldn't get a signal.

-I had to defend myself...

-From dust bunnies and boredom.

-But he was finally found...

-Innocent of all charges against me.

BELL RINGS

Class already? My watch must be slow. Later.

-Hey, Carl. I'm here for our date.

-Oh, I forgot about that.

Relax, I'm not going to hold you to it.

No, no, no, I want to go.

Really? Come on, let's beam to the moon.

Actually, I'll have to take a rain check on that one.

-I've been beamed around a little bit too much lately.

-Sure, sure.

-How about some time next week?

-You got it.

-Somewhere within walking distance.

-Sounds good.

What class am I supposed to be in again?

-History.

-Oh, thanks.

Wait, wait, wait. You're going on a date with Denise?

For me?

You should have just let me rot!

Man, you really must love me, give me a hug.

Get off me, it's not cool!

Get back here!

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