Angel on Hippocampus Wingin' It

This aroma will be sufficiently pungent

to stimulate the olfactory system in any normal human.

Everyone but me, that is, because I have absolutely no sense of smell.

Don't ask me why.

It's personal.

-Great news!

-Hold your mitochondrial processes!

Alex has done it!

Alex Rodriguez has been announced this year's winner of

the regional computer science award.

Sweet victory!

# There's your trophy in all its gleaming finery

# In honour of your victory I'll sing to you in binary

# One, zero, zero, one, one, zero One, zero, one, one, zero

# Is all I'd like to say to Bennett High's computer hero. #

Higher octane!

Porter, a really mean-looking man just beamed in.

-Gah!

-Shh!

-That's Agent 45.

-Can anybody else see him?

No, he's in stealth mode.

Jane Casey, you're under arrest.

For what?

For being a human with unauthorised knowledge of angels.

# Let's give it one more shot

# Let's give it everything we've got

# Cos if we get it right

# We will surely conquer the world, hey!

# I've got my wings from an angel

# Now we're wingin' all the time

# I'm givin' wings to an angel

# Always an angel

# Now we've got to learn to fly. #

What took you so long?

Jane's upstairs and she's in big trouble.

Only an AIT's assignment is allowed to have knowledge of angels.

That's why Carl Montclaire is in the know.

You see, if we didn't follow this rule,

every Tom, Dick, and Harriet would find out about us.

So, we're just going to wipe Jane Casey's memory.

They're wiping Jane's memory?

Just the part about her knowing there are angels.

-And maybe a little around the edges.

-That sounds really dicey, man.

The problem is, Jane's knowledge of angels is fairly extensive.

So when those memories get erased,

it might also erase everything that was part of those memories.

-Well, what kinds of things?

-Like me.

-Of course.

-And Bennett High.

-Uh oh.

-And maybe...

-Don't you say it!

-You.

I just said don't say that!

And also everything else she knows.

Ohhh! OK, so, Jane's going to have her entire memory wiped.

I know it's bending the rules but you got to beam me upstairs.

OK. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

-Hey, Britney, Serge heard a rumour that you wanted to see Serge.

-Ooh!

And that is how a good rumour is spread.

You heard right, Serge,

and I started that rumour because I want you to join the rumour club.

Well, what does a rumour club do?

The first rule of rumour club is everybody talks about rumour club.

Second rule of rumour club is that we spread rumours.

Serge wants to be captain.

Oh, no, you can't be captain because I'm president.

Is president the same thing as captain?

-Yes.

-Well, then Serge wants to be president.

Then according to the rumour club, we need to have a rumour-off.

-Where's that written down?

-It's not.

I just heard it somewhere.

The rules of the rumour-off are simple.

-First, we both spread a rumour.

-Got it.

And then whatever rumour gets back to us first, wins.

Serge agrees to those terms.

My rumour is the sloppy joes in the cafeteria are made out of sawdust.

Serge's rumour is to save electricity, we'll start using

glow-in-the-dark basketballs for night games.

Ready, set, rumour!

COMPUTERISED VOICE: 'Thank you for your patience.

'Our memory-erasing volume is higher than usual.

'Please remain on the podium and we will be with you shortly.'

Oh, there you are. We have been looking everywhere for you.

Whoa! Argh!

I don't think you can get too close to me.

They've built a force field around me.

-Yeah. No kidding!

-I'm so sorry about this, Jane.

I don't want my memory erased. I like my memory!

Don't worry, we'll figure out how to get you out of there.

Not going to happen. Carl, I think we've got this figured out.

In a few minutes, Jane Casey will have totally forgotten all of this.

Wait a minute. You THINK you have this pretty much figured out?

That means you have doubts.

No. CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY

-Absolutely...

-Ha-ha, yeah. There is something! Tell us right now.

No. That's not in my job description.

Carl, remember he's an angel and he can't lie.

That's right. He has to tell me the truth.

Can we stop Jane's memory from being erased?

Got to dash.

He's not going to get away that easy.

Huh? What the...?

We can do this all day.

Carl, I believe you got a question for Agent 45.

Oh, yes, I do. Can we stop Jane's memory from being erased?

Yes.

Is the answer to our problem easy to find?

N-No.

Is it hidden in something?

Yes.

-Is it bigger then a toaster?

-This is not 20 questions.

Is it hidden in something that's bigger than a toaster?

I know those dimensions anywhere. It's in the angel textbook.

I've said enough!

-Did I say how much I hate you two?

-Yeah. The feeling's mutual.

'You are now number six in line.

'Please stay on the podium.

'Remember your forgetfulness is important to us.'

You'll never find that loophole.

COMPUTER: 'You are now number four in line.

'In just a few moments, we will be happy to erase your memory.'

Any time now, Porter.

Yeah, this music is worming into my brain.

It's far from heavenly.

There are so many pages in this book and only one me.

But it could be a speedy me.

Speedy reading magic.

Chapter 12, subsection 32, paragraph 6/b to the 9. Hmm.

Whoa! Here's a little known loophole that states,

"if a human is about to have their memory wiped, they can..."

That's great.

-What?

-"They can tap dance and yodel

"to earn the chance to defend their memory."

That is absolutely ridiculous! Right, Jane?

Let's get this show on the ro-delay-hee-oad!

# Yodelay, yodelay, yodelay Hee-hoo!

# Yodelay, yodelay... #

Well, I guess you've won the right to defend your memory, Jane Casey.

Hey! Don't be so smug yet.

You've got to prove she's trustworthy enough to keep her memory.

# Yodel-ay, yodel-ay, yodel-ay Hee-hoo! #

Enough with the song and dance. Thank you.

We've heard and seen enough.

We'll release you from the force field temporarily

and I will grant you access to the angel library.

Ooh, I love a good library!

Oh, here comes my rumour now.

Who's to say it isn't Serge's rumour?

A mother knows these things.

Britney, I just heard a rumour.

Oh, please do tell, Mr Dolby.

I'd like to offer up my condolences.

For what?

I just heard your sloppy Uncle Joe's

been living in the cafeteria since August.

That must mean he's wily cos I've never seen him.

He's probably nocturnal.

Doesn't resemble your rumour at all.

My beautiful rumour. What has happened to my beautiful rumour?

Guess what I just heard from Britney?

The sloppy joes in the cafeteria are made out of sawdust. Pass it on.

Guess what I just heard? Britney's sloppy Uncle Joe's

been living in the cafeteria since August. Pass it on.

Your rumour is disqualified.

This is the problem with rumours. If the wrong person hears them,

they get all twisted and bent out of shape.

Serge's rumour is still in the running.

As a matter of fact, I see my rumour coming now.

Oh, so close!

-Well, Serge will be captain soon.

-President!

Captain president.

You might as well have this. I was going to name her Miss Ouch.

Or is that Mr Ouch?

That's the library?

Oh, yes. We went digital a while back.

All of Heaven's books, records, knowledge,

what have yous are contained here in our computer systems.

Time for me to prove I can keep a secret.

COMPUTER BEEPS

'Access denied.'

It says I need a password to log in.

-Agent 45?

-What? You think you should be able to log in anytime you like?

OK. This temporary password will grant Jane access,

but it resets after two hours and you won't be able to log in again.

Man, pretty tight security around here.

This information is invaluable!

It contains records of all of human history.

-You just cut me off...

-Yes, I just did.

THEY TALK OVER EACH OTHER

So...this can scroll back to every moment that's ever happened?

-Yes.

-Oh, sweet!

I'll be able to find out who stole my bike in the third grade.

Come on, Carl. Prioritise.

Yeah, it's just my memory on the line.

Chuckleheads.

CRACKS KNUCKLES

Research is what I live for.

-What are you going to do, Jane?

-Find every moment of my life that proves

I'm trustworthy and I can keep a secret.

So, if there's time left over, can we still look into the bike thing?

Have you heard?

Glow-in-the-dark basketballs for night games. Ground-breaking!

Pass it on.

Oh, no! Soon Serge's rumour will get back to him

and I'll lose my presidency.

Unless I sabotage Serge by changing his rumour around

so it won't get back to him correctly. Aha!

Alex, did you hear? To generate publicity,

they're doing a show after dark for the basketball team

after tonight's game. Tell everyone.

Got it! Did you hear? To save electricity,

they're using glow-in-the-dark basketballs for night games.

Tell everyone.

Wha-a-at?!

My plan to derail Serge's rumour didn't work,

so I'll spread a new rumour and it'll catch on like wildfire

and it's going to pass Serge's rumour.

-BAD FRENCH ACCENT:

-Dere's dat Melissa.

Did you, ah, hear about Britney?

Uh, yeah. I heard her uncle sleeps in the cafeteria and eats sawdust.

Oh, non, non, non!

She got Alex to hack into the computer, how you say,

and get answers for Mr Dolby's science test.

Oh, I can't wait to tell everybody. Thanks, Britney.

Oh, de rien.

Dere's dat Serge.

I just started a new rumour for the rumour-off,

seeing as I'm such an experienced rumourer-r-r.

You know, visitors to the school have to

check in at the principal's office first.

-How do you say cactus in your language?

-"Cactous"!

Oh, "cactous".

Zut alors.

-So, I went to mom and I told her...

-Hey, hey, hey. Enough with the bike.

Look, I'm sorry. It was a really cool bike.

-You want the bike?

-Yeah.

-You really want the bike?

-Yeah.

-Well, there's your bike.

-Ha! Nice try. This isn't my bike!

My bike wasn't white.

We're in Heaven! Everything up here is white.

This is your bike and it wasn't stolen.

You lost it on the playground and the janitor found it,

put it in the lost and found. Did you look in the lost and found?

No, because lost and founds are for hats and scarves and retainers,

and not bikes.

Stop with the bike.

Do you see the seat?

-Hey! Guys, over here. I'm almost done.

-What do you got?

Well, I didn't tell anyone Britney's really a brunette.

And I didn't tell anyone Serge split his pants.

That's it? You only have two examples?

It's hard keeping secrets as a journalist!

I'm always looking for stories for the Bennett Newshound.

We only have a few minutes left.

We only have time for one more. Make it a big one.

Carl, are you sure you want me to reveal that? That's big.

Well, we don't have much of a choice do we?

-Oh!

-Serge'll get your pencil.

Oh, no. Serge's unitard's become a duotard.

-Please don't tell anybody, Jane.

-Your secret is safe with me.

Thank you, Miss Casey. Is that all?

No. For my final example...

I would like to take you all back to June the 10th of last year.

Oh, you're cute.

You're really cute. What's your name?

Ah, well, I'm Carl.

Carl Montclaire. What's up?

Oh, well, I just wanted to say that I really love your cute dimples

and your hair swish and your plaid shirts.

Oh, well, I think that you're pretty cute too.

Well, why don't you do something about it?

Oh, well, maybe I will.

Carl, you are such a good kisser!

Ssh! Ssh-ssh! I know, I know.

-Ahem.

-Argh!

I wasn't doing that! I was cleaning the smudge on the mirror!

It was...the reflection. Please don't tell anyone.

Never.

Your secret is safe with me.

Much obliged. I got to go home now.

I'll show myself out.

Dude, that's hilarious! You were making out with a mirror!

-It's funny.

-Look, I only let this info go public for Jane.

COMPUTER: 'Thank you for your evidence.

'We will be with you shortly.'

Don't worry about it, Jane. You did awesome.

-Totally won them over.

-The verdict is in. We'll soon see.

No! It is ruled that your position as a journalist

makes you too big of a risk.

-Your memory of angels will be permanently erased.

-Oh!

COMPUTER: 'You are now number two in line. Please stay on the podium.

'And remember, your forgetfulness is important to us.'

-This isn't fair!

-Oh, don't worry.

In 15 minutes, you won't even remember it wasn't fair.

It won't hurt her, will it?

Oh, no. It's standard procedure. We do it all the time.

Besides, even if it does hurt, she won't remember.

I can't have that happen. Porter, we have to do something.

I know. We need a great plan.

-What if we...

-That won't work.

-But we could...

-I tried that one centuries ago.

-What happens if...

-That's illegal.

-Well, have you even considered...

-No, I hadn't! Know what?

-I think you're on to something.

-Porter, get Agent 45 back.

Jane, this is what we'll do.

Five, four, three, two and one.

Britney, I heard you got the answers to Mr Dolby's science test.

Really? How come you didn't tell me?

You talk so much, I can never get a word in edgewise.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Even though my rumour started late, it still came back first.

I declare myself the winner of the rumour-off

and I am still the president of the rumour club.

Woo! Yes!

What do you want?

I have to go home and wait for the cable guy.

Um, I-I need to use the facilities.

-What?

-Really bad.

Yeah, you don't want to wipe her memory when she has a full bladder.

Yeah, that could get messy. You should probably let her go.

-Er, I don't think I can do that.

-Please!

Well, I'll deactivate the force field, but only for five minutes.

-Thank you.

-Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, OK. Let's go. We don't have much time.

COMPUTER BEEPS 'Access denied.'

We're too late. My temporary password has expired.

-All right, Porter, time for Plan B.

-Already two steps ahead of you.

Hey!

Where am I?

Uh, Alex, we're in...

uh, my room.

I like how you painted it, Carl. My favorite colour's primer.

Thanks, buddy. Look, I need you to hack into my computer.

I, uh, forgot my password.

OK. I'll see what I can do.

And...done.

-You're in?

-I've been in for a while.

I was just checking my e-mail.

Alex, I need you to change the system password.

It's all set up. What's the new password?

Only Jane can know that. Everyone else, look away.

Jane, you change the system password.

-Done.

-'Password change accepted.'

All right. Porter, quick, get rid of Alex.

Ah, there you three are. Bathroom break's over.

Let's go, Jane Casey. Time to wipe your memory.

Or did you forget?

See, I made a funny. Forget? Memory?

See what I did there? No?

Nothing? OK.

There are so many things you still need to learn about rumours.

For example, it's not where the rumour goes, but who it goes to.

And that's why I'm president.

Allow Serge to give you this "cactous"

to congratulate you on your victory.

Ooh la la!

-You!

-Hyargh!

You are in huge trouble, Britney Henrietta Hansen.

I'll be taking back my condolence "cactous".

-Agh!

-I heard you stole the answers to the science test.

-That's nothing but a rumour.

-We'll discuss that at detention.

In the meantime, no more extra-curriculars for you, missy.

But I'm the president of the rumour club.

Well, here's a new rumour - not anymore.

Yes! Guess that means Serge is captain.

Oh!

Serge, I have to tell you something really cool.

I got transported to Carl's house and his room was painted all white,

and then I had to change his computer password.

As captain of the rumour club,

-Serge feels this rumour isn't worth spreading.

-OK.

You got other rumours, like about sports?

I do have this one about glow-in-the-dark basketballs.

Serge is interested. do tell.

OK. Well, there's these basketballs and they glow in the dark.

All right, let's get this over with. I have a knitting class in an hour.

-Ha!

-What? So I like sweaters. Sue me.

'Please stand on the podium.'

Up you go. Don't worry, you won't feel a thing.

-'All systems go.'

-Okey dokey. Ten, nine, eight...

-Ah, before you wipe my memory...

-Yes.

I just want you to know that

-I changed the password on your computer system.

-You what?

-'Is this true?'

-I'm not sure.

-'I'll be right back.'

Oh, I love this music.

What? I love this song. It's very relaxing.

'It's true. The entire system is shut down.

'No-one can get online.

'We can't access anyone in the AIT program.

'And the big guy is furious. He can't update his blog.'

And if you wipe my memory, you'll never know the password.

I knew I should never have let you use the bathroom.

-You tell us that password, young lady, right now!

-Never!

-Tell us!

-Not until you promise to not wipe my memory.

But that's blackmail!

That's outrageous!

'She has us over a barrel. Jane Casey, you may keep your memory.'

Promise?

-BOTH:

-We promise.

EVERYBODY CHEERS

Oh, what an unforgettable day!

-You were pretty good up there, dude.

-Ah, it was all right.

What are you talking about? You masterminded the whole thing.

Yeah, I guess so. Oh, I forgot my bike upstairs.

Can you beam it down?

You do realise you're too old for a bike you had when you were 9, right?

Oh, please?

All right, all right.

Yes! Ha-ha!

Hey, wait!

CARL LAUGHS CONTENTEDLY

Oh, hey, Jane.

Sorry, who are you?

I-I'm Carl.

Er, your boyfriend?

And best friend? This is Porter, my guardian angel.

Angel?

There are angels on Earth?

Oh, I got to go write a story about this.

-What happened?

-I-I don't know. I guess they wiped her memory.

What are you talking about? They said they wouldn't!

-I thought angels couldn't lie.

-Nope. But humans can. Gotcha!

Ha-ha!

I'm coming for you!

THEY IMITATE MONKEYS

# Yodelay-hee-hoo! #

I mesmerised you with my dancing!

I had no idea there would be such...

I had no idea I would have to deal with an episode of Glee.

Stop looking at me like that!

Yeah, but you said Casey. I know you are.

No, I'm reading your head. You said Casey. I could hear you say Casey.

-FRENCH ACCENT:

-Now, that is acting!