Cosmonaut Claire 3-D Wingin' It

YAWNING

ALARM BEEPS

Wake up! It's time, guys.

Too bad I couldn't magic up tickets. Angel rules say no counterfeiting.

Cosmonaut Claire is my favourite fictional character ever!

And after a beloved book and two movies,

I get to see the third and final instalment in 3D!

SHE SQUEALS

The magic is in the waiting. I don't want magic tickets.

I'm a veteran waiter-in-liner. It makes being first in line

to see the Cosmonaut Claire 3D premiere so much sweeter.

SHE SQUEALS

Ha-ha-ha-ha(!)

Ah-aah(!)

SHE SQUEALS

# Let's give it one more shot

# Let's give it everything we've got

# Cos if we get it right

# We will surely conquer the world

# Hey!

# I've got my wings from an angel

# Now we're winging it all the time

# I'm giving wings to an angel

# On the wings of an angel

# Now we gotta learn to fly. #

I'll take the sleeping bags home and get my costume.

-Why not just sleep in it?

-And get it all wrinkled?!

No. I have to look perfect for the premiere. I'll find a cab.

Waiting in line is hungry work.

Do you want to go to Yolanda's diner for hot chocolate and scones?

I can just magic us some.

-Pass. You never get the raisins right.

-Fine, I'll be right back.

Oh! Sweet Vucovetchian blaster!

ELECTRICAL FIZZ

-Sorry, thought you were a statue!

-I always get that.

-Especially at the grocery store.

-You must be a huge fan.

-The hugest!

No, that would be Jane. She's talked about it for a month.

They're giving away Cosmonaut Claire posters.

-I bet your friend would love one.

-Yeah. She would, actually.

-I'll hold your spot if you go grab one.

-Really?

-Yeah.

-Thanks, man!

-No worries, buddy.

This movie is important to Jane so we camped out to get a good spot,

but I was happy to do it and I did it without magic from Porter.

If this was a movie, I'd be the hero.

Plus, I get a free movie poster.

Hey, here you go man, got you one too.

Oh, thanks. Ah-ah! No cutting in line.

-No, that's my spot.

-I have no memory of that.

Nor is anyone holding your spot. This guy's trying to cut in line!

-ALL:

-Boo!

Hey, hey! No cutting in line!

These guys have been here all night saving their spots.

-I was one of them.

-Where's your sleeping bag?

My friend Jane has it. She...

Yeah, I've heard all the excuses. Anyone remember this guy?

No. No, I don't and I'm in MENSA.

Oh. Tough break, kid. And nice try there, smooth talker.

Back of the line.

Jane is going to kill me!

-Hey, Carl.

-Hey, Porter.

Wait, Carl. What are you doing out of line?

Oh yeah, I got ejected.

Oh, drag.

-Scone?

-Mm.

At least they got the raisins right.

Oh, red carpet, adoring fans... it is Brittany's time to shine!

Whoa, whoa. Sorry, missy.

This red carpet is only for the Cosmonaut Claire premiere.

I don't know who this cosmopolitan Claire is,

but I'm, wait for it... Brittany.

Oh, and I'm, wait for it... security guard Bob.

-Are you my personal escort?

-Yeah. I'm here to escort you out of here.

-What? But I'm...

-I know, Bridget. Come on, move it, scram.

This is not over!

Look at all the people in front of us. This is the worst.

Uh, not yet, it isn't! There goes Jane.

Jane!

Huh! What are you guys doing here?

Some kid duped me and then security kicked me out.

-Stay here.

-Where are you going?

-To get our spots back!

Halt! No cutting in line.

Eli. I knew this was the work of my cosmo-nemesis!

Jane, my cosmo-rival.

You tricked Carl into losing our place?

Consider it payback for our last interaction.

Stone, I love your work. It's really heavy. Get it?

Heavy. Like Stone? Can I get your autograph too?

Oh! Looks like my pen's out of ink. That was the last autograph.

Thank you, adoring fans.

I got the last one!

He wasted the last of his ink on you?

I'm going to get you, Jane Casey!

I'm going to get you if it's the last thing I do!

Stone! Stone!

You won't be seeing the movie after all.

Unless you want to go with Yours Truly.

Suck an egg, Eli.

Love it when she says that. "Suck an egg, Eli."

-That's the pout of defeat.

-We're not getting our spots at the front.

So what? We'll still get to see the movie.

We're so far back, we may not even get in.

I've researched the Bijoux Theatre, it has a capacity of 500 seats.

I'll go to the front and count back 500, see if we can still make it in.

Good luck, buddy. Hey, show me that pouty face again.

Man, that's good.

Hey you, cosmo-nuts.

Turn your plasma rays to stun cos we're firing up a contest!

Our first question is...

what type of plasma does Cosmonaut Claire use in her ray gun?

Who's going to know that?

Oh, oh! Me, me! Pick Me!

I pick... You look like you know the answer.

Barker Blue Matter 71!

That is...correct! You win a gold space rock.

If you win three space rocks, you get to sit beside...

Stone Hardcastle!

SHE SQUEALS

Only one other person at the very front of the line got that answer.

Eli..

496, 497, 498, 499, 500.

So the cut off to get into the movie theatre is at this lamppost.

CHEERING

Mwah! Mwah! Oh, stop!

Hey! Cupcake! The only way you're getting on the red carpet

is if you come out of a limousine.

-This isn't over!

-Oh. I've never heard that before. Sarcasm.

Brittany.

727, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32.

All right, that means there's 232 people between us

and Cosmonaut Claire 3D.

We're too far back to get in. Let's just go home.

Not yet. Remember when Cosmonaut Claire fought that Yeti?

She stuck it out and now that Yeti is mounted on her spaceship.

I'm impressed. Are you becoming a cosmo-nut?

-I've been reading.

-That's really sweet.

I didn't really read the books, just sort of skimmed them.

All right, I didn't read them at all!

You just throw the word "space" in and you'll be close enough.

Space jail, space ham, space Yeti, space cotton candy...

Porter, you can't magic us any tickets, or magic us

to the front of the line,

but is there anything you can do to help out?

Here's a magic wish bag.

It gives you whatever the person in front wants more

than seeing the movie.

-You can trade up our place in line.

-Alright, let's do this! Ha!

Um, excuse me, hi.

Is there anything we could give you to, maybe, switch places with us?

I've always wanted to speak Dutch, but...

Maybe this will help you?

SHE SPEAKS DUTCH

I'm speaking Dutch!

Yeah, this plant has been extinct for over 200 years.

You wanted a Vucovetchian transporter?

One Vucovetchian transporter coming up.

CHEERING

Ooooh. A limo!

Oh you're, you're...

Stone Hardcastle. You may remember me from...

Uh, no. You're in my seat. Now move over!

-Who are you?

-I'm, wait for it...

Brittany Hansen. I'll be walking the red carpet with you.

Nice trading up, Carl. I'm impressed.

Just a couple more and we're at the lamppost.

-Porter, the bag's empty.

-You're right. It is empty.

The wish bag produces the item the person wants most.

But if there's nothing they want more than to see the movie,

the wish bag is useless.

Excuse me. Hi, sorry. I know this is a huge stretch,

but is there anything we could give you to trade places?

Thanks for all your hard work. It was a good try, Carl.

It's not over, we still have the trivia contest.

I do have one space rock. I just need two more.

We just wait until the DJ finishes with the other contestants

and somehow get her to ask me my next question.

Let's get those space rocks!

Why are we watching this?

-STONE:

-Helps me relate to all those cosmo-nuts out there.

BRITTANY: I love the costumes.

-Charles!

-Oh, Charles, you're always cramping my style!

Oh, perfect for my screensaver!

-Hey! No pictures!

-You're not wearing that?

-What? This is a thousand dollar shirt.

-Really?

It's Celebrity Magazine's shirt of the year.

Last year. You need to change.

-I'm not changing.

-I am not walking down the red carpet

-with you like that.

-I'm calling security.

They'll agree with me.

Everyone would agree that shirt is horrible. It's putrid.

-'Security?'

-Hey, I've got a live one here.

Hey, isn't that you?

Oh, yeah it is. Turn it up.

IN SPANISH

Ooooh. Nice twirling!

They paid me 5,000,000 for that spot.

IN SPANISH

Hey, I don't know French, but I know Gob Smack.

You are the official face of Gob Smack.

I have a picture of you drinking Yap Slap.

That is a total conflict of juice.

-Uh-oh.

-If you don't let me stay, I will e-mail this picture

to all the gossip websites that I know.

You called, sir?

You! You're the red carpet jumper.

I know, right?

-Come on, missy.

-Uh-uh!

Uh, actually, it's okay.

What? Are you sure? Because when you called, I...

I was rehearsing for a new movie.

OK. Well, very convincing. Should be a heck of a movie.

Now, about that outfit...

All right, you cosmo-nuts, it's trivia time again.

Hey, hey! Over here! Pick her! Pick her! Pick her!

Pick her! Pick her!

I guess we're going with you, then!

When Cosmonaut Claire was raised on Planetoid X14,

-what was unusual about her nanny?

-Oh, oh! I know this one!

-Cosmonauts Claire's nanny was half-robot.

-And?

And half-whooping crane!

That is...correct!

Congratulations!

A second gold space rock!

Just one more for a seat beside Stone Hardcastle!

-SHE SQUEALS

-With your Cosmo-knowledge, you're a shoe-in.

Guys, the movie starts in 20 minutes.

In that case, we're going to need a back-up plan.

Porter, I think it's time you and I got a new look.

Cosmonaut Claire, there you are.

You're going to have to come with us.

-Carl, what are you doing?

-Just go with it.

Make way for Cosmonaut Claire, going to the premiere.

Hey! Stop them! They're impostors.

Impostors? Hold it! I have to see some ID.

Do you know who this is?

It's Cosmonaut Claire. What more ID do you need?

Birth certificate? Driver's licence?

-She's not from this planet.

-Or this universe.

Oh, well, maybe she can show me her intergalactic passport.

She...left it on the spaceship?

Back of the line.

Come on, you little space monkeys, back, back, back! Hey, ho, hey!

550...

Now we'll never get in!

Space Pirate Bruce once said

to Cosmonaut Claire in the original movie...

TOGETHER: "All hope is lost!"

I can't wait to walk the red carpet.

I've been practising my whole life.

-I believe you.

-First, I will show them my poses.

-Those are all the same.

-Then I will dazzle them with my enchante.

-What is that?

-Who knows? But I've got it.

I was born to be famous.

Oh really? Cos I hate being famous.

Yeah, it's such a drag and it's like hard and stuff.

Huh. Well, maybe I could teach you a few things.

Help you learn to love the fame.

-You could do that?

-I was born to.

Hey, cosmo-nuts, if any of you have won two space rocks

in our trivia contest, follow me to the front of the line

for the final question.

I have two space rocks!

I just need one more to get us into the movie! Oh! Come on guys!

-Now, do it an a German accent.

-Really?

Yeah, it will help you deal with your fame.

To ze end of ze galaxy and beyond zat.

Now do it an a Swedish accent.

-SINGSONG:

-To the end of the galaxy and beyond that, yah.

Pout.

I am Stone Hardcastle and, and...

You can do it!

And I...I am...famous! Ugh!

Congratulations on owning your famey-osity.

You are totes ready to walk me down the red carpet.

We are in the middle of our final Cosmonaut Claire trivia round.

Only two contestants have two space rocks and are able to compete.

Still up for grabs is this final rock.

It'll be awesome to defeat Eli in the trivia contest.

There is nothing I don't know about Cosmonaut Claire.

Victory will be sweeter

than an Esbomian bar from Cosmonaut Claire's space bakery.

What high school

did Cosmonaut Claire attend in the prequel movie?

Oh, oh! I know this one! Asteroid High.

Oh! Too bad, so sad.

That's the high school she went to in the novel, not the feature film.

The answer you are looking for is this...

She wasn't at high school.

She was home-schooled in her capsule of solitude.

That is correct! You are the winner!

Eli, you're at the front. Why not just give Jane the space rock?

I will just be using my extra seat for my helmet. Right, buddy?

Huh? Right? Could be you though. If you wanted.

No! I don't like you.

-Please?

-Never.

-I love you.

-Ugh! That is disgusting.

Ladies and gentlemen!

The doors to Cosmonaut Claire 3D will be opening in 10 minutes!

CHEERING

Thank you, Brittany. Now I can finally enjoy being famous.

For you, I'm going to re-record your outgoing voicemail message.

-Why?

-So you can prove to your friends you know me. I am famous, after all.

Oh! Good idea! You have come so far.

Okay. It's set.

Hi. This is celebrated, award-seeking, handsome,

famous actor, Stone Hardcastle.

Brittany can't make the phone right now because she's too busy being...

-(Beautiful.)

-Beautiful. And...?

-(Beloved.)

-Beloved.

And...?

-And blonde. And...

-(She is also famous.)

-And she is also famous.

-(More famous than you.)

More famous than me and... Ha ha!

-Hey!

-I never needed your help enjoying being famous.

I love being famous! And now I've got your phone,

you can't ruin my drink sponsorship. Which means you got nothing!

You've been lying this whole time?

No, no. Not lying.

-Acting!

-I don't think so, Mister.

Get out of my way, crazy lady!

Give me my phone!

I don't think so. I'm bigger than you.

-Let me out of here!

-Get back here!

CHEERING

I've got your shoe!

You there, regular person, I need that phone back.

Isn't this Brittany Hansen's phone?

-You know that girl?

-Yeah. She's, uh...

Help me get rid of her, please I'm begging you.

Brittany wants what she always wants. To be famous.

I can't make her famous.

You could let her walk the red carpet for a bit.

Then I'd have to sit beside her the whole movie.

Brittany has no interest in the movie.

She'll probably walk the red carpet all the way through the movie.

-And probably well into the evening.

-And well into tomorrow.

-Really?

Ah! There you are, you no-good, dirty rotten phone stealer!

PHONE BEEPS

-Picture deleted.

-All right, look. Why don't you two trade?

Huh!

Alright, I'll get rid of her.

Hey, Brittany! Look at all those fancy, shiny cameras behind you.

Oh!

Thanks, little man.

I insist you and your friends watch the movie with me.

-Sweet!

-You did it, Carl. You got Jane into the movie!

How awesome is that, Jane?

Stone Hardcastle, right here, in front of me!

In 3D! The three-est of Ds!

Wait! No, no! No fair! They don't have tickets.

I have tickets. I've got golden rocks from space.

Space rocks.

-Who's this guy?

-He's Brittany's brother.

-Security!

-No!

-Yes, Mr Hardcastle?

-Get rid of him.

Where should I take him?

-To the end of the galaxy...

-OTHERS JOIN IN:

-And beyond that!

What! No! Jane, I love you! I love you more than I love this movie!

-Get out of here!

-Cosmonaut Claire 3D beckons us!

CHEERING

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd