Total Debate of the Heart Wingin' It

Have you got it? Have you got it?

I'm so excited to see who made the debate team this year, Jane.

I'm posting the list now, sir.

-I come from a long line of debaters.

-Hm?

Yeah, my grandfather coined the phrase "the defence rests".

Oh. We have a really good shot at beating Terrendale High this year.

-Maybe we could even win the whole tournament.

-For serious? Yes!

-Yes.

-Yes! Serge made the team.

-Me too, third year in a row.

-Jane, how come I'm not on the debate team this year?

-Yeah, about that.

Who makes the team is based on academic excellence, verbal skill,

charisma and a variety of other really rigorous

and super-complicated factors.

-So you chose your boyfriend Carl?

-Yeah, about that.

OK, I also based my decision on adorableness and smoochability.

How will I deal with Melissa?

That is where my excellent debating skills will come in handy.

So in conclusion that is why I chose Carl over you.

I totally understand now. Thanks, Jane. It was silly of me to dream.

I'm on the debate team? How did that happen?

I didn't even know it existed until now.

Er, Jane, hi. I think there's been a mistake.

-I didn't even sign up for the debate team.

-Yeah, about that.

Now that Carl and I are whatever we are...

OK, we're totally dating. Yay!

I took the liberty to put him on my debate team.

Isn't that what girlfriends do?

-It'll be exciting to be on the same team.

-Yeah.

I've just never debated before.

True, true, but this way we get to spend more time together.

-Isn't that great?

-Yeah, I'm just a horrible debater.

-No, you're not.

-Yeah, I am.

-No, you're not.

-Yes, I am.

-No, you're not.

-Yes, I am.

Ah, you got me! See, what a great debater. Good work!

-We'll talk about this at Yolanda's.

-But...

-Ah!

You've already won the argument.

# Let's give it one more shot

# Let's give it everything we've got

# Cos if we get it right

# We will surely conquer the world

-# Hey!

-Got my wings from an angel

# Now we're wingin' it all the time

# I'm giving wings to an angel

# All the wings of an angel

# Now we've got to learn to fly. #

Attention, everyone.

In my business class we're studying how to package a product,

so I need one of you to work with me.

-Oh, oh, pick me!

-Denise.

-Good choice, Brittany.

-I know, I made it.

-OK, I'll help you. What's the product?

-You are.

Believe me, you need to be repackaged.

-What do you want to repackage me into?

-A pop star.

I know, it seems impossible. But what the hey? Come with me.

Porter, I am not qualified to be on the debate team.

Jane picked me cos I'm her boyfriend. I'm barely qualified for that!

-So you need help?

-Yeah, we're meeting at Yolanda's to practise.

-I don't want to embarrass myself.

-I've got something.

You need a little blast from history's past.

Oh! Porter?

Oh, Porter. Good day.

Socrates, this is Carl. Carl, this is Socrates.

My AIT assignment needs help.

Since you're one of the greatest debaters of history,

I wondered if you could help.

-Don't drink the hemlock.

-No, about debating.

Oh, well, one might say

that a slow, deliberate thought process is important.

Right.

-But I say BORING!

-Really?

Sure. Oh, don't get caught up in the substance.

What you want is the FLASH! Hm? Hell, you gotta wow 'em. Wow.

-What about logical thinking?

-Logical-schmogical.

So who's up for some wings?

Er, maybe another time.

-Well, that was a complete waste of time.

-Yeah, I can't debate that.

Are you sure I count as a product to package?

Maybe you want something more inanimate.

I'm not going to package a cartoon, Denise.

Denise is the perfect blend of pitiful with potential.

If I can package Denise into a pop star

I will totally get an A on this. I'm an expert at people packaging,

but for this I have to follow class guidelines. I'm up for a challenge.

I'm only doing this because I don't have much else in my life.

That's obvious.

No, I mean I'm stuck waiting for a very important assignment

to further my career.

My business class assignment is more important than any of yours.

Fine, knock yourself out.

Great. So the first step is creating a look.

It says you have to make a product that our society deems necessary.

-That's what I just said.

-How is a pop star necessary?

How is it not?

A world without pop stars is like a world without air.

Why do I even bother?

Yes! Perf to the ect.

I feel like a colour-blind superhero who got dressed in the dark.

It's true, you do look heroic.

Well, this was fun...ish. Thanks, Brit.

Hold up, Simmons. We are not done by a long shot.

So, Carl, I like your shirt.

Thanks, Jane. You've never noticed my shirts before.

Oh, well, that's because we're dating.

Well, I like it. I mean, your compliment.

And the fact that we're dating. And your shirt.

Have you got a handle on how to debate yet?

Oof! Oh, Jane!

Handle is an interesting term.

I mean for... What is a handle exactly?

Very clever, Carl.

You've mastered the classic debate technique of evasive eloquence.

I think I was just trying to bluff you there.

Ah, Carl. All you have to do is speak from your heart.

It'll get you through anything.

Well, if that's all it takes.

See those two at that table? They're from the Bennett High debate team.

-THEY LAUGH

-Ah, aren't they such a cute couple?

And now I know just how to beat them.

Wow, nice uniforms, guys.

Can you show me where the plane's emergency exits are?

And can you get me a pillow?

Laugh at us if you will. We're fighting for school uniform.

It'll be pretty hard to argue with us when we look like this.

Debating is the only sport where you play on both teams at the same time.

-I'm getting a drink.

-Serge always hydrates before a competition.

I'll stay here and go over my notes.

HE MUTTERS TO HIMSELF

-Hi, I'm Amanda from the Terrendale debate team.

-Oh, hi, I'm Carl.

-I guess I'm your opponent.

-And I'm guessing I'm yours.

If you debate as smart as you dress I'm in trouble.

Um, thanks. I've had lots of compliments on my shirts lately.

I guess I'll see you out there. Best of luck.

Carl!

-What are you doing?

-You mean this Saturday?

HE STUTTERS

-I had nothing to do with that.

-Your lips had everything to do with it.

My lips were just breaking her lips' fall. I wouldn't let her lips crash.

-Where would they crash?

-On the ground?

-Yeah, they could get chapped that way!

-You keep out of this.

-She kissed me. What could I do?

-Not kiss her.

-I'm not kissing her now.

-And you're not kissing me later.

CHEERING

Thank you.

I'd like to introduce, arguing on behalf of school uniforms,

Terrendale High's Amanda Garatio and Kinkade Peperton Wilcox.

APPLAUSE

And arguing against school uniforms,

the team from Bennett High, Jane Casey and Carl Montclaire.

-Jane, for the last time, my lips are innocent.

-No, they're not.

-Guys, settle this after the debate.

-Fine.

-Let's go on stage.

-No, you're no longer my debating partner.

-Serge, you're with me.

-What? Serge is supposed to debate pro-uniform.

-Serge is always pro.

-I said the team from Bennett High.

-Serge, come with me.

-Oh, so mature Jane. So mature.

-Suck an egg.

Now show me your pop star walk.

Too much wobble. Try harder.

Better. Now add some swagger.

-Some what?

-Swagger. To swag, to be cool.

Ugh, come on, Denise. Get with the lingo.

Work it, work it.

That's it. Perfect.

And remember to keep the camera always to your left side

-because that's your best side.

-But there are no cameras.

No, there aren't cameras now but one day there might be.

It's just helpful knowledge that everyone should know.

Bad side, good side. Bad side.

Bad side, good side. See? Nicer, right?

And finally, I think school uniforms provide a level playing field,

where fashion sense doesn't decide who wins or who loses.

SHE COUGHS

-We're arguing against that.

-Oh, right. No problem.

Which is what I would say if I believed that, but I don't.

So, not that.

LAUGHTER

-If I could just clarify...

-Point of order.

The opposition is speaking out of turn.

I hate to say it, Jane, but I have to dock you a point.

You just started dating Jane and already wrecked it.

-That has to be a new record.

-What can I say? I'm just that good.

And now, Terrendale High to defend.

The honourable opposition is making this way too easy.

Urgh!

I haven't seen Jane that angry since that mishap at the Bennett Newshound.

No! This was supposed to be BIG news!

Porter, help me. I did not kiss that girl. She kissed me.

Why would Amanda want to kiss you?

-It's not out of the realm of possibility.

-It is.

Why would a Terrendale student kiss a Bennett student? Oil and water.

-Dish soap and maple syrup.

-Baking soda and vinegar.

Hand sanitizer and bacon fat.

I don't know what those two are talking about

but I'll tell you why I kissed Carl.

The way to defeat those boneheads is to turn them against each other.

And if I have to kiss some Bennett geek to win one for us, so be it.

And, OK, maybe he's a little cute so it wasn't that hard.

I guess we'll never know why she kissed you.

-It's a mystery for the ages. Like the Bermuda Triangle.

-Or Stonehenge.

-Or the Great Wall of China.

-That's not a mystery. It's just a wall.

Oh. Then like snowflakes and... carpet.

Amanda's argument stinks like hot garbage! Oh, and another thing...

Point of personal privilege, the opposition can't use my name.

Too true. Jane, your fourth point deduction. Terrendale to continue.

And here's proof that uniforms are beneficial to students.

At Terrendale we wear uniforms and we win everything.

At Bennett they don't and they lose everything,

including their tempers and apparently their boyfriends.

The uniform you should wear is a prison uniform for Grand Theft Carl.

-Carl was easy to steal. His engine was already running.

-Hey!

-I don't even have a licence. But I did pass the written exam.

-Show-off.

-Well, it took me three tries.

-It took me five.

Well, for someone who doesn't have a driver's licence,

you're a great kisser.

Oh! You did not just say that to my boyfriend.

-Oh, I did and I'll say it again.

-Oh, no, you won't.

-Oh, yes, I will.

-Can I sit down?

-Why don't you ask Amanda?

Still mad?

Well, this is my sixth milkshake and I'm lactose intolerant.

Look, Jane, that kiss meant nothing. Less than nothing.

-It was the worst kiss I ever had.

-And how many kisses have you had?

How am I supposed to answer that? I'll say, er, eight.

Yeah, that's a good number, right?

That's how they package hot dogs. Maybe I should say six.

Yeah, that's how they package the buns. Why is that?

Can't those guys just get together?

What do you do with those extra wieners?

Seven?

Seven! Oh, that is just like you.

Should have said six.

I meant six.

Six?

Eight! That was the number.

-Eight?

-Eight!

I should have said... There is no right answer.

Look, I should never have even let her lips fall on my lips.

It's not about the kiss.

-Then I'm also sorry about whatever it IS about.

-I know.

So tell me.

Look, tell me as a friend. I promise it'll help.

It's just that I got so worked up over the kiss

I completely lost sight of the debate. Apart from the fact

that I've never been disqualified from anything ever before,

I hate how seeing you with Amanda

made me completely lose sight of who I am.

-That's what you're sad about?

-And it wouldn't have happened

-if I wasn't so jealous over you.

-See?

-I told you that talking as friends would help.

-It has.

I'm sorry. I just... I don't think we should date anymore.

I'm so sorry, I can't.

Porter, you have to help me out, man.

Use a magic spell, give me some love perfume, anything to get Jane back.

I can't magically change anyone's emotion.

Can you give me some advice then? Jane hates me.

My advice? Pretend like nothing even happened.

She'll forget that she dumped him and it'll all go back to normal.

You can't beat the pretending manoeuvre.

Yeah, OK. I'll do that. Pretend nothing happened.

-Yeah, everything will be totally the same.

-Hey, Jane, girlfriend of mine.

How about a good old-fashioned walk to class like we always do?

You mean like we'll never do again?

I'm sorry I'm being harsh. I just don't know what else to do.

Jane, Jane, Jane! Always with the jokes.

You're such a jokey-joke-jokester.

-ENGLISH ACCENT:

-There you go, baby.

Introducing Queen D.

Hm, well, packaging a person isn't exactly the idea I had

for this assignment but pop stars are products

so congratulations on a job well done. You get a B,

-a bodacious B.

-B?

OMG. This obviously deserves a higher grade.

It says in the assignment the product should do something.

She's got the sizzle but where's the steak? Hm?

You're good, Mrs Lennox. You're really good.

I know.

-Come on, Queen D, we have work to do.

-You've got it, baby.

Jane, Jane, I insist you let me carry your books.

-Just leave me alone.

-I'm afraid I'm going to have to insist.

-No, I...

-Jane, give me the books now.

Don't you hear how assertive Mr Montclaire's voice is?

Thanks a lot, Carl. I really didn't need you to carry my books.

-Yes, you did, Jane.

-No, Carl, I think I didn't.

What is your problem? I'm trying to be a nice, assertive guy.

Let me show you assertive!

-Oh, let me see what's in this book bag.

-Stop!

-Oh, a lunch box.

-Jane, stop!

-What's this? Oh, a bandana.

Hey! There's Principal Malone.

You two, come with me.

DOG BARKS

No, no, no. No, not there, dog.

That's our soccer pitch!

What's the meaning of this?

-I have no idea.

-Nothing.

-Balona.

Don't you mean baloney?

No! I mean balona.

It's a pronunciation I like, Carl.

Look at you two, looking at each other like that.

Just as I suspected. This is a feelings thing. Who started it?

Carl did! Yes, we did have feelings for each other

but my feelings are different than Carl's feelings.

That's because my feelings are real

and your feelings are apparently like some kind of fish on a boat

and they continue to flip and flop.

-Like a pancake.

-Yes, thank you.

-Not on a boat though.

-Right. Jane, your feelings are like pancakes.

-But not in a boat.

My feelings are not like pancakes.

OK, OK, enough with the pancake talk.

I know how we're going to handle this.

Be it resolved. Should Carl and Jane be an item?

Carl, you'll argue for the pro. Jane you'll argue the con.

OK, I agree. Let me first just start...

Let me cut you off right there, Jane.

We're not going to debate now, here in my office.

We'll be debating this afternoon in front of the whole school.

-It's time for you to sizzle, Denise.

-You got it, baby!

# Hang on

# And take me where you want to be

# Spread your wings and learn to see the love

# And if it's our time

# Then we need to let it shine

# Don't stop being who you want to be

# Live for today

# Believe in everything you say and do

# And let your light lead your way

# Oh, oh-oh, oh-oh-oh

I love how you smooth your hair when nervous.

You can't just say things I'm doing right now.

It's not just right now, Jane. It's all the great moments we've shared.

# When the world is getting you down

# You feel it push you to the ground

# Call me

# And when you feel as though you don't belong

# Just close your eyes and sing this song out loud

# And if it's our time

# Then we need to let it shine

# Don't stop being who you want to be

# Live for today

# Believe in everything you say and do

# And let your light lead your way

# Don't stop being who you want to be

# Live for today

# Believe in everything you say and do

# And let your light lead the way

# Oh, oh-oh, oh-oh-oh... #

Jane, you once told me that all I had to do was speak from my heart.

Well, my heart is screaming at the top of my lungs.

It's saying that we belong together. Thank you.

Be it resolved that Carl Montclaire and Jane Casey are an item.

-That was so great, Carl.

-Truly legendary, Mr Montclaire.

-Do you want to grab something to eat?

-Great, I'll get my coat.

-Actually, Principal Malone...

-Oh, of course, right.

You're talking to Jane. Rain check.

-I would love to. Yolanda's?

-I was thinking the food court at the mall.

I'm not so sure. Let me hear your arguments.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

It's all good. I do it all day. Years of practice.

-SHE LAUGHS

-I will!

Somebody make me laugh.

I will use my excellent... Mm!

HE GIGGLES

This is funny?

SHE LAUGHS