Like Father, Like Son Young Dracula

Cock a doodle doo!

-Cock a doodle doo...ooo!

Zoltan! You're a wolf not a cockerel. Please try to remember.

I'm sorry, Master Vlad. Your father wants to see you straight away.

That doesn't sound very good.

-Is he angry?

-No, he's not.

-Phew.

He's furious. He's read your school report.

-But my report's good.

-Yes.

That seems to be the problem.

"Vlad is a nice boy who is a pleasure to teach."

Nice? NICE!

You're a vampire, Vlad, and vampires are never nice.

-Not even at Christmas.

-Dad, I'm not like you.

I can't do charming and deadly.

But you can do pathetic and loser.

Face it, Dad, he's just not cut out to be a vampire.

Me, on the other hand...

"Ingrid is a born trouble-maker who delights in causing

-"as much disruption as possible."

-Oh, Ingrid...

I'm busy with the future Count Dracula here?

But I'm the eldest, I want to inherit the title.

-Mmm, Countess Dracula?

-Countess Dracula!

-That's a good one!

-That's a good one!

Vlad, wake up and smell the coffin.

Now promise me you'll try harder to cause trouble at school.

-Yes, Dad.

-That's my boy.

"Robin is moody and difficult in class.

"He only cheers up when he's dissecting a frog.

"Please could you ask him not to do this during maths".

-Morning.

-Morning.

-Why the long faces?

It's Robin's school report. It's not good.

We can't all be child geniuses, Miss Einstein.

-Besides how many GSCEs do you need to be a grave digger?

-Ha, ha.

Shouldn't you two be off playing rugby, getting badly injured?

-C'mon, I'm hungry.

-Race you to the muesli.

Oh, Robin. Why can't you be happy like Ian and Paul?

They're not happy.

They're concussed.

Look Robin, Mum and Dad just don't want you to end up on the streets

-having to beg people for money.

-Unlike my dad,

who wants me to make people beg for their lives.

You can't keep away, Ingrid. You're drawn to me like a moth to a flame.

Drop dead, Branagh.

If you think I'm going to stand back and watch you inherit my castle,

you're more stupid than he looks.

D'you think I like being Count Junior?

Dad's waited 600 years for a son and heir.

It would have made my life a lot easier if I was born a girl.

You shouldn't say that out loud.

I'm going to show Dad why I should be his favourite.

I'll be the biggest troublemaker this school has ever seen.

Ooh! Opening an umbrella indoors, that's bad(!) You go, girl.

Dad's won't be impressed by that.

FIRE ALARM RINGS

I stand corrected...and wet.

You know, your sister really is quite twisted.

I like that about her.

Well, don't just stand there. Turn it off!

-It wasn't us!

-Do the words "red-handed" ring any bells?

I'm suspending you two until further notice.

Looks like I'll be having a word with your father.

Won't that be nice?

-I suppose you think this is funny?

-Funny?

I think it's terrible what happened, I mean who could do such a...?

You look hilarious! Wait till my dad hears about this.

He won't have to wait very long.

-Vlad's probably telling him now.

-Vlad?

Van Helsing suspended him and Robin.

-They're in a lot of trouble because of you.

-Nooo!

MUSIC AND TRUMPETS PLAY

Bravo Vlad! Bravo!

-I'm guessing the school rang you then?

-Suspended!

Vlad, I knew you could do it, you young hellraiser!

Congratulations Master. I have baked a cake in your honour.

-You shouldn't have.

-It's chocolate...

and pigs' blood.

Really, you shouldn't have.

Mmmm...sweet and tangy!

I have composed a poem to celebrate your great achievement.

There once was a vampire called Vlad Who was terribly naughty and bad

He got suspended from school And learnt to be cruel

So now he can fang-out with his dad.

This is ridiculous!

-Well, it probably needs a bit of work but...

-I mean this.

I don't want to be suspended.

I want to learn things. I want to lead a normal life!

More cake anyone?

-I'll make a start on the washing up.

-Pssst. Don't leave me here.

I am very disappointed in you.

I'm sorry, Master, I'm just not good with family rows.

Not you! Him!

Waaaaah!

Ooof! I'll just be over here if you need me.

Oh, Dad! Stop creeping up on me like that.

It's all part of the training.

A good vampire hunter never drops his guard. You can't be too careful.

They could be anywhere.

What, you mean like that one behind you?

I'm serious. Now listen, I'll need your help later.

-We're going slaying.

-You know Dad, just for once,

it would be nice if you said, "Let's go bowling."

But slaying is fun.

You call watching the castle all night, fun?

This will be different. The time for watching and waiting is over.

Vlad has given me the perfect excuse to suspend him.

So?

Which gives me the perfect excuse to visit the castle.

-We're going in!

-But Dad, they're not vampires!

We've been watching for weeks and the only things that bite are mosquitoes.

-Sometimes you have to go with your gut.

-I know all about your gut,

we share a caravan toilet remember?

-But Dad, I'm not going to let you slay that family.

-Oh, yeah?

Just try and stop me.

This is your new timetable.

9am fang hygiene followed by double coffin maintenance.

-And after lunch it's hypnosis and flying.

-But what about my friends?

If I don't go to school, I'll hardly see them.

We're vampires. A friend is someone we haven't bitten yet.

The Branaghs, Master.

Ah, welcome...

friends!

-Isn't it terrible, Vlad and Robin getting suspended?

-Terrible.

And I hate to think of all the lessons they're missing.

So you're teaching Vlad yourself?

I don't like to brag, but I am an expert on most things in life.

Please, will you teach Robin? He can't afford to fall behind.

He's doing badly enough as it is.

Thanks for the vote of confidence, Mam.

These boys are a bad influence on each other.

Bad influence, you say?

Mmm.

Leave him with me, I'll see what I can do.

I'm sorry to hear about Vlad.

Why is everybody so concerned about Vlad? You sound just like my dad.

It's always Vlad this, Vlad that.

You've VLAD enough of it?

I've heard there's a great film on at the cinema.

You should go and see it.

Get out of the castle. All of you.

-The whole family. Tonight.

-Is that your lame way of asking me on a date?

No, I'm just trying to be helpful.

Oh, you can help all right.

You can help get me suspended.

Now, look into my eyes.

Deep into my eyes...

As you can see,

the sharp fangs enable the vampire

to bite into the neck of their victim and drain them of blood.

Ah, but be careful if they've just been trampolining

as it can be a bit fizzy.

Now you must be rather peckish after your hard morning's study.

Renfield has prepared something special for you.

Wow, this looks posh. Better than school dinners any day!

Mmmm. Yummy.

-You've really outdone yourself this time, Renfield.

-Bon appetit.

Garlic, deadly to adult vampires but, well...

-harmless at your age.

-Harmless?

On a first date these can be lethal.

I want you to eat one so you're familiar with the taste.

Know your enemy and all that.

Of course this doesn't apply to...

This doesn't apply to you, Robin so you don't have to eat yours.

Mmm. Mmmm. Mmmmmmmm. Not bad. You should try some.

This is all a dream!

I'll wake up and find I'm back in school.

Eat.

Jonathan! What are you doing lad? Get down!

Doesn't he look lovely?

I told him to do it.

I'm sure you're very angry and will want to suspend me immediately.

Go back to your class, I'll deal with you later. I said get down!

But it's all my fault! Aren't you going to punish me?

All in good time young lady, all in good time.

Remember Vlad,

the key to hypnotising your victim is to look deep...into their eyes.

I'm feeling a little uncomfortable with the word victim.

It's no use Dad, I'm never going to get it. I keep going cross-eyed.

Even Ingrid has mastered this and she's a girl.

Look, I'll show you how it's done.

You make eye contact and then you draw them in, freezing them

with your gaze like a rabbit caught in the headlights.

And then before you know it they're...

They're what?

Dad?

You've hypnotised him!

-No way!

-You have! Watch this!

Hello, my name is Count Dracula-la...

la la laaaaaa!

How did I do that?

You are now a true vampire! Ha, ha, ha, ha, haaaaa!

-Can you stop that? You're freaking me out.

-Sorry.

I mean, sorry.

Do you realise what this means?

I won't make it as a ventriloquist?

I'm going to grow up to be a vampire

and there's nothing I can do about it.

I'm going to watch all my friends grow old and die

and I'll still be here...

flapping around in this gloomy old castle.

You make it sound so negative.

Vlad! You have the power to hypnotise people.

You can make them do what you want. Surely that's a plus?

That's it! Why didn't I think of that?

Dad, from now on you are no longer a vampire. You're just a regular dad.

-What are you doing?

-This way, for once in my life

I'll have a normal dad and I can be a normal kid!

You know this place is a bit gloomy.

It needs a lick of paint to brighten things up. I'm thinking...

sunflower yellow.

What do you reckon?

He used to be dark and interesting. Now he's just like my dad.

Pardon me for being selfish, but this isn't a win-win situation for me.

He's my dad and I'll hypnotise him how I want, thank you.

Fair enough, but in that case you've got to do me a favour.

-Are you trying to make a laughing stock out of me?

-I'm sorry.

I don't know what got in to me.

Ingrid hypnotised you, it's a basic vampire skill.

She's manipulative. It's a basic teenage skill.

I told you, a good slayer never drops his guard.

And I told you, I'm not a slayer!

Jonathan, whether we like it or not we're Van Helsings,

and it's our duty to hunt down and slay vampires.

-Don't forget, a family that slays together...

-Stays together.

If you don't want to help me then fine, I'll do it myself.

A number seven should be the right size for the Count.

What if he's not a vampire?

What if he's some foreign guy trying to make a new home for his family?

-Welcome to our country. Wallop! You're dead.

-That's a point.

I'll need these for the family.

This is crazy! That's it. I'm coming with you.

I'll prove they're not vampires and we're never slaying again.

-What mallet do you want?

-Wood or rubber?

HE PLAYS SOMBRE TUNE

MUSIC CONTINUES

-What's going on?

-Have we had a power cut?

-Do you mind? I was pretending to play that.

-Mum and Dad won't like this.

"Elizabeth Branagh."

-Oh, no! You don't mean...?

-They're...they're...

-Having a nap.

-What?!

-Hello kids.

-Had a good day at school?

-Aaaargh!

Looks like you and Vlad have been busy.

-Hi, Ingrid.

-Hi, Dad.

-You just said hello to me.

-Of course my poppet.

-Why wouldn't I say hello to my favourite daughter?

-Right.

-What's going on?

-Nothing's "going on".

I thought I'd bring a little sunshine into our lives.

-Where's Vlad?

-Up in his room watching TV.

But you said we couldn't have a TV in our bedrooms.

I don't remember saying that. I don't remember much at all.

Master, what colour next? Sunflower Yellow or Daisy Delight?

Mmmm. What do you think, Ingrid?

Ingrid?

This is the life, eh, Zoltan?

Yes, Master. I'm surprised the Count agreed to this.

It is most unlike him.

Well, well, well. Who's been a busy boy then?

I don't know what you're talking about.

-What are you doing?!

-I believe Mistress Ingrid

intends to throw the television receiving device out of the window.

Which can't be good for it.

Have you hypnotised Dad? You've turned him into Mr DIY regular guy.

OK, yes!

I may have accidentally hypnotised him.

I told him he wasn't a vampire.

I have to say, Master, I don't think that was one of your better ideas.

I just wanted to have a normal dad,

who didn't want to teach me how to turn into a bat.

-Was that so wrong?

-No, I suppose not.

He's been a vampire for 600 years, the change will do him good.

No! What did you do that for?

We're vampires Vlad, always have been, always will be.

You can't change that.

I don't want Dad to be normal.

I want him to make me the Princess of Darkness.

You could have a TV in YOUR room!

Or you could throw it out of YOUR window.

And...pizza!

I'm going to change him back.

You'd better not hypnotise anybody else ever again.

I know that guilty look, Master.

It reminds me of when you were toilet training.

What have you done?

Robin, this is getting scary, please change them back.

-It's just a bit of fun.

-Tell that to Ian and Paul.

I've never seen them run so fast.

Time for dinner I think.

We'll start with the youngest.

Do you want first bite?

Ooh, could I?

I'm parched.

Dad! What are you doing? It's me, Chloe!

Robin! Do something!

You're not really vampires, you're just pretending to be vampires!

-Wake up!

-Robin!

-Let's get out of here.

He's stolen our dinner!

The greedy pig!

Hey, princess! How's it hanging?

Dad, I want you to look into my eyes. Deep into my eyes.

Ingrid, you really are growing up to be a lovely young lady.

Really?

Look, I've been reading your report

and I know you can do a lot better.

I am here for you. We can sit down and work this thing out.

You...you want to spend time with me?

As long as it takes.

But you never want to spend time with me.

Well, that's all going to change. Come here. I love you, Ingrid.

I love you too, Dad.

-Hey, what is it, sugar plum?

-This is wrong, all wrong.

-DOORBELL RINGS

-Ah, that'll be my guest.

I've invited Mr Van Helsing for dinner

to discuss Vlad's suspension.

Could you let Vlad know he's here?

Let me do the talking. You can't be too careful

coming face to face with the Prince of Darkness.

Mr Van Helsing.

Mr Count? Sorry I didn't recognise you. You look...different.

Have you done something with your hair?

Look, I am so sorry about Vlad's behaviour today.

It's good of you to come and see me. Please, please...

do come in.

Oi! Your dorky woodwork teacher's here to see you.

Van Helsing?

-Duh!

-No! Oh, this can't be happening!

Take a chill pill, Vladerella. They'll let you go back.

-You don't understand. Van Helsing is a slayer!

-What?!

-You didn't think to mention this before?

-Sorry.

So are you telling me that Dad is downstairs chatting with a slayer!

Yes! Dad won't know how to fight him or how to use his powers.

This is what happens when you turn people into someone they're not.

-I should never have hypnotised them!

-Them? What do you mean, them?

-Vlad, I'm going to kill you!

-Mum and Dad are after our blood!

You just don't know when to stop.

You're worse than a werewolf at full moon!

-OK, so I made a mistake.

-A mistake!

Our dad, Count Normal, is downstairs talking to a vampire slayer!

That's not a mistake, that's fatal!

Time for a spot of slaying, son.

Wait! Mr Count doesn't even look like a vampire.

Just let me at him.

-Is everything all right?

-Yes.

-Yes, no problem.

Ah, welcome! Just in time to discuss our boys' suspension.

Who cares about that? We've come for a bite to eat!

We've hit the jackpot, son.

It's time to break up this little vampire club.

-You take the girl, I'll take the two guys.

-I'm not taking anyone!

They're not vampires. Those two are wearing plastic fangs!

Call yourself a slayer?

You can't even spot a vampire when he's three feet away!

Fine, I'll take them all. Me on my own, I'll do it!

-Fine! Go to jail on your own.

-Would you care to join us?

Mr Van Helsing, we're so glad you're here.

-We want to apologise about earlier.

-That's the spirit, boys!

Now let's all sit down and talk about this suspension.

See if we can work it out.

-Mum! You'll be late for that fancy dress party.

-See?

-We're late for dinner...

-How's the stir-fry coming along?

-It's burnt. Totally ruined.

-We'll have to do this another night.

Well, that's sorted. Time we were leaving.

We're going nowhere. Time we stopped messing about

and finished the job we came here to do!

We need to talk this suspension thing through properly.

Renfield, I'm sure there's something we can eat.

Yes, I'm sure.

Come on!

Anyone fancy a canape?

Mmm. Tasty.

Mmmm. You're right, this is delicious.

Apparently, they're very good for your blood.

Here you go, eat up.

-But we can't eat garlic.

-A-ha! Told you.

You'd be annoyed if I didn't eat what I was given.

-It can't be one rule for me and one rule for you.

-He's right.

We need to set a good example.

-Garlic-eating vampires.

-This can't be right.

What about a piece for me? I'm starving.

Oh, dear, looks like I had the last one.

How convenient(!)

Don't worry. I've got a piece for you.

Vlad, no!

Mmm.

-It's a bit dry but...not too bad.

He ate garlic...

-I think it's time we got going.

-But what about the suspension?

-I was wrong all this time...

-See, it was a mistake. Suspension over.

Bye.

Don't be strangers now!

-Right, we've got to change them back. Agreed?

-Agreed.

ALL: Agreed.

Will Mum and Dad still be after my blood?

Unfortunately not.

They won't remember a thing...

Lucky them.

My gut tells me I'm right about that family...

but my nose tells me I'm wrong.

Oh, I'm a rubbish slayer! I know. Go on - say it.

You just need some practice.

You're right, son.

We shouldn't give up.

They ARE vampires. And I'm going to prove it.

Master, we've run out of Ghostly Grey - will Ghastly Grey do instead?

It doesn't matter what I think.

Vlad can always hypnotise me to like it.

I said I was sorry, it was an accident.

Yes, well, it's flying lessons next.

-You might "accidentally" fly into a tree.

-So unfair!

-Why can't you teach ME flying?

-Oh, Ingrid...

-Yes, Dad?

-Get on with it.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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