It's Sherlucky Day Zig and Zag

# Five, four, three, two Five, four, three, two, one...

# Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

# Well, come along for the ride

# You and me and Zig and Zag

# When our weird worlds collide

# It may seem a little mad

# But you can't close your eyes or you'll miss it

# Hold on tight no-one's drive-drive-driving

# It's time to get on with it Not too late

# Start counting Are your engines on? We can't wait

# Count down It's Zig and Zag time

# Five, four, three, two,

# Time for Zig and Zag! #

Sher and Lock are the most detectivey detectives

in the history of detection.

Detectively.

-Whoa! We're out of crispy comestibles.

-That just won't do.

Urgh...

-Yes!

-Oh, nice one, bro-face. Now clone us some more.

OK, no peeking.

What flavour?

I deduce that the crisp flavour in question is none other than

cabbage and apricot.

Ooh, you're good.

Ooh, Sher and Lock are going to reveal who done did it!

Bet you it's that sneaky Lady Felicity Fortescue.

Nah, it's the villainous Vicar Norbert.

Nobody eats the crusts of cucumber sandwiches.

'Detectives Sher and Lock, what are you two doing here?

-'All right, the game is up, Vicar.

-And Lady Felicity Fortescue.

-'Because you are...

-..one...

'..and the same.'

ZIG AND ZAG: Whoa!

-Lady Fortescue WAS the vicar!

-Oh, we're good!

We can guess crisp flavours and criminals.

It's like WE'RE detective geniuses.

And we must use that genius for the good of all society, bro.

Burbia needs us. To the zoot and boot!

-I'm Detective Zag von Clue.

-I'm Ziglock Holmesless.

And together we are... BOTH: Clue Less!

Another day on the mean streets of Burbia.

All appears quiet, but crime doesn't take days off.

-Suspect at two o'clock. Well, maybe quarter past four-ish.

-Let's roll.

-Mr Jones, I presume.

-Oh, it's you two. It's not a good time, boys.

It's never a good time for crime.

Look, my favourite plant vulgaris nefarious is sick.

I'm taking it to the garden centre to see

if there's anything that could help it. It's a very rare plant.

Sorry about that, Mr J, but we're detectives now,

-and losing leaves is hardly a job worthy of Clue...

-..Less!

-Coo-ee! Boys!

-Arrivederci, Mrs Jones.

-I mean, any crimes to report, Mrs Jones?

-Er, no.

I just wanted to invite you

to Mr Jones' surprise birthday party...

tonight!

I'm sorry, Mrs Jones - as long as there's crime...

-..there won't be party time.

-Oh, no.

We don't get much crime around here, boys.

ARGH!

Sounds like Mrs Eyebrows.

And, judging by the length of the scream

and the pitch of the voice, sounds like she's in trouble.

WAILING

Mrs Eyebrows, perhaps we can be of assistance.

Mr President's gone missing. You haven't seen him, have you?

Well, no. Never, actually.

Detective Less, you do realise what this means?

It's time for Mrs Eyebrows to get a new cat called Mr Vice President?

No. Unless I'm very much mistaken,

Clue Less have just got their first case.

-What are you doing?

-We're sealing off the crime scene, ma'am.

-Crime scene?

-That's right, madam.

Wherever there's a crime we're seeing,

we're on the scene seeing the crime scene, see?

-Erm...

-The Case Of The Catnapped Cat Of Burb Street is officially open.

Stand back, ma'am. You could get ugly.

COUGHING

Ho-ho-ho-ho!

Argh!

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

-Well?

-I must say I'm rather stumped.

It appears there's not a single

clue in The Case Of The Catnapped Cat Of Burb Street.

-Ow!

-Now, Mrs Eyebrows, some questions to establish motive,

timeframe, and other detectivey investigatey things.

Well, I was about to wrap my birthday present for Mr Jones

when the doorbell rang.

It was Abs and Pek,

who had kindly come to help me

carry my piano over to the Joneses' for a birthday singsong.

Then the doorbell rang again.

It was Mrs Jones wanting to borrow a cup of sugar for the cake

she was baking for Mr Jones.

She helped me finish wrapping,

and that's when Nellie arrived with my weekly grocery delivery.

That is a long list of suspicious suspects.

It could be any one of them! Hmmm, suspicious.

Well, "suspish" no longer,

Detective Clue, I've figured out who the feline felon is.

It was the penguin in the sombrero!

A-ha! The penguin in the...

Or perhaps it could be one of the neighbours who

-were at the house this morning.

-Oh, yes, of course.

Now, if you don't mind, ma'am, it's time for Burb Street's

number one detective duo to go catch ourselves a catnapper.

Meow.

HE SNEEZES

HE SNEEZES

-Oooh.

-We got a messy situation. Clean-up on aisle three, please.

-Clean up on aisle three.

-Ugh.

All suspects are in place.

Shh! I hear footsteps. Everybody hide!

ALL: SURPRISE!

No, the surprise is it's Detective Clue and Detective Less.

-And together we are...

-BOTH: Clue Less!

Oh, boys, we thought you were Mr Jones.

And we thought YOU were innocent.

But one of you in this room is guilty of catnapping,

and we're going to find out whom.

Well, I am worried - he has been missing all day.

Mr President went missing this morning,

and each of you gathered here

has motive, opportunity, and evidence against you.

Oi, stop mucking about. Mr Jones is going to be here any mo.

-Nellie, Nellie, Nellie.

-Nellie.

Life at the mini-mart had become boring, predictable, humdrum.

-If only you had a pet - it would make your life complete.

-What?

-Get a life, What'syourname.

-Let's examine the evidence.

A convenient delivery of a cat-shaped box to Mrs Eyebrows

moments before the cat went missing.

An even more convenient shop full of convenient cat food

to feed the cat you napped.

How convenient.

What? No! Look, I was just making a delivery,

and we've all kinds of pet food in the shop.

I put it to you that Mr President is in this box.

A-ha!

-Nuh-uh.

-Ugh.

-You are wrecking the party, fluffy boys.

-Yeah, the party.

Abs and Pek.

You were at Mrs Eyebrows' house moments before the cat disappeared.

You, Pek, have catlike scratches on your arm.

Perhaps Mr President was reluctant to become a feline bodybuilder.

And, Abs, your sneezing... I deduce a cat allergic allergy.

-Yeah, the party.

-Ridiculous!

Scratches are from thorns on the roses that were

sitting on top of piano, and sneeze is from the pollen.

I put it to you that Mr President is in the piano.

-A-ha!

-No! What are you doing?

-STRING PING / DISCORD

No.

Madam, may I suggest you get this tuned?

-Please, boys, what if Mr Jones walks in?

-Ah, Mrs Jones.

You were seen calling to Mrs Eyebrows for a cup of sugar.

More like a cup of cat!

Not to mention all that cream I'm mentioning.

-How simply perfect to feed a hungry catnapped cat with.

-Silly boys.

They're just ingredients for the cake.

I put it to you, Mrs Jones,

that you've cleverly disguised Mr President as a cake.

-Oh, what?

-This is crazy.

-Aha!

-Nu-uh! Mmm.

-Oh, for goodness' sake!

-Oh, my word, what is going on?

-Oh, Mr Jones!

We were going to have a surprise birthday party for you,

but it's all gone a bit wrong, I'm afraid.

I'm not really in the mood for a party, anyway.

My vulgaris nefarious isn't going to make it.

-What now, bro? We're no closer to solving the case.

-Or are we?

-What if Mr Jones...

-..and Lady Felicity Fortescue...

-..are one...

-..and the same!

-Unmask her!

-Boys! Stop it at once!

-Ow, get off!

-Everything is ruined.

Please, at least let Mr Jones open his presents.

-Oh!

-Presents!

-Mr Presentident!

BOTH: We'll save you, Mr President!

-Woo-hoo-hoo!

-Ha-ha-ha-ha!

Oh, what's that doing there?

It's Mr President's cat basket.

Huh?

Oh, there you are, Mr President. That's where you've been all along.

With all the comings and goings this morning, I must have got

distracted, and accidentally wrapped your cat basket instead of

Mr Jones's present. Silly me!

Soooo...there wasn't a catnapping after all.

No. Just a napping cat wrapping.

BOTH: Case solved.

BOTH: Zog Drop!

HAKA STYLE MUSIC

You two are walking disaster areas. You wreck whole party, broken piano.

-Exactly.

-And my lovely cake is ruined.

-And worst of all, you opened all Mr Jones's presents.

-Except for one.

Ah. Wow!

A vulgaris nefarious! They are so rare!

Well, it is your birthday.

How on earth did you manage to find one?

-Cloned it from a leaf that fell off earlier.

-Cloned? Ha-ha!

Oh, very good. Thank you so much, boys, you've made my birthday.

I'll just go and give her a little water.

Well, I have to admit it, you really came through there, boys.

Now, what about the mess?

Don't worry, ma'am, we'll find out exactly who made this mess

and bring the perps to justice. Because I'm Detective Clue...

-I'm Detective Less. And together we are...

-Clue...

-Less!

-Let's roll.

-Huh? Suspect at two o'clock.

OTHERS SIGH

# Five, four, three, two...

# Hey! Hey! Hey!

# Hey! Hey! Hey!

# Hey! Hey! Hey!

# Five, four, three, two

# That was Zig and Zag! #