Billy Goat's Grief Zig and Zag

# Five, four, three, two Five, four, three, two

# One

# Hey, hey, hey, hey

# Welcome along for the ride

# You and me and Zig and Zag

# When our weird worlds collide

# It may seem a little mad

# But you can't close your eyes

# Or you'll miss it

# Hold on tight No-one's driv-driv-driving

# It's time to get on with it Not too late

# Start counting Are your engines on?

# We can't wait

# Count down, this is our time

# Five, four, three, two

# Time for Zig And Zag! #

You're watching Goat Week on the Farm Channel.

-Next up, more goat facts.

-Yes! Give me the goats!

Who knew goats didn't have pockets OR play the banjo?

Goats are SO cool! Hahaha!

DOORBELL RINGS

Huh? Oh, who on earth calls during Goat Week?

-Hi, Nellie.

-Hi, Snuggleface. What's your name?

We've all had a letter from the Council saying that there's

going to be a neat neighbourhood inspection this afternoon.

It says they have concerns about the untidy state of the neighbourhood.

So, they're sending someone to inspect the whole street.

If they don't think it's neat enough,

we'll have to pay a huge fine.

Huh? The street looks awesome. What's the probs?

The "probs" is your garden.

MONKEYS SHRIEK

OK, maybe it could do with some light weeding.

But we're kind of in the middle of something.

It's Goat Week on the Farm Channel!

Favourite thing ever.

Well, if you won't help then I guess we'll have to cancel

tomorrow's street party.

ALL TALK AT ONCE Yes, there'll be no street party.

BOTH: There's going to be a party?

Not if the inspector fines us

and we have to spend the party money paying it.

Why didn't you say so?

We'll have this garden ship-shape before the inspector arrives.

I knew I could count on you.

Let's garden! Ow!

ANIMAL ROARS

Oh! Flippity flip flops! What was that?

I don't know, Zig. But I think we're way past the point of light weeding.

-Hmm.

-We need to find another way to get this garden under control.

-Or, we could just give up and watch Goat of the Week!

-Goats! Of course!

-I like the way you're thinking, Zig.

-Me? Thinking? Ha-ha.

There must be some mistake.

I just KNOW those alien slime are up to something.

What kind of dastardly weapon of doom have

they got hidden in that garden?

We need to get a closer look!

Tell me we don't have to dress up, sir.

For the last time, Honey, we don't "dress up". We don disguises.

But, yes, we have to dress up.

Oh.

GOATS BLEAT

HE LAUGHS

Wow, real goats!

What are we doing at the petting zoo, Zag?

If there's one thing I've learned from Goat Week,

it's that goats love to eat!

-Grass, weeds, flowers, underpants...

-Huh?

..You name it, they'll eat it.

So we're going to lure the goats back to Zogly Manor with flowers.

And the goats will literally eat our problems away!

And then we'll bring them back when they're all nice and full.

Zagmeister, you genius!

BOTH: Zap Rap!

# I want a ha

# I want a ha

# I want a ha

# I want a hey. #

Hey! # I want a ha

# I want a ha

# I want a ha

# I want a hey! #

-By the way, where did you get the flowers?

-Outside the Jones' house.

Can you believe they were just lying there in the mud?

SHE SHRIEKS

Oh! Here they come, Honey. Positions!

-Come on!

-Go, goats!

-Come on, goats. Come on, you wittle goats.

Come on, you wittle wittle goats!

Problem solved! We should celebrate.

May I suggest a haddock and egg smoothie, sir?

Why, that sounds delightful, madam!

What's that munching sound?

-Ahh!

-Ahh!

Go! Go, go, go!

Get away, get away!

THEY LAUGH AND MUTTER

Nice work! And perfect timing.

The neat neighbourhood inspector's on her way.

Now all we have to do is get those goats back to the petting zoo.

Uh, excuse me? Goats? What goats?

THEY SHRIEK AND YELL

GOATS BLEAT

Duh. Those goats.

-Oh, no!

-You two had better sort this out fast!

I'll try and stall the inspector.

There's no time to waste, Zig, come on!

You're watching Goat Week, on the Farm Channel.

MUFFLED SHRIEKING

Things are getting worse out there, Zag. What should we do?

Focus, Zig! We've got this.

It's finally arrived, Honey. Invasion day!

And those slimy alien geniuses are using Capra aegagrus hircus

to do their dirty work!

-They're using what, now?

-Goats, Honey, goats!

And they got us outnumbered.

We're going to have to go deep undercover to break this

alien army from the inside.

More dressing up?

I just hope Burb Street has made some neat neighbourhood

improvements, unlike the other streets I've inspected today.

-I'm running out of fines.

-Oh, I think you'll find it has.

GOATS BLEAT

-What's that noise?

-I don't hear anything!

Aren't you going to read out our welcome banner?

"Burb Street welcomes the Neat Neighbourhood Council Official,

"and hopes she will enjoy her time here as much as we will enjoy

"her visit, if not more so..." It's kind of wordy, isn't it?

Uh, you haven't finished.

"..which hardly seems likely, as we're just so honoured

"that she's coming, we can't wait for her to inspect."

Ever wondered how to deal with stubborn goats?

-HE GASPS

-It's very simple...

Huh? HE TALKS WITH MOUTH FULL

THEY PANT

GOATS BLEAT

Oi! That's a satellite dish! Not a dinner dish!

THEY SHOUT

-Hey!

-What's up with them?

-Hmph!

GOAT BLEATS

AAAAAH!

GOAT THUMPS AGAINST DOOR

There's only one thing for it.

O all-knowing Marshmallow of Destiny, with your mind

so spongy and delicious.

Enlighten me with your wisdom!

Always brush your teeth. You will miss them when you're old!

-Yeah, I was really asking about the goat problem?

-Oh, sure, the goats.

To move the goats, you must become the goats.

-We must become the goats?

-Huh? That's it! We'll become goats!

Here's the plan!

We mingle with the goats, gain their trust over the years

and move up the ranks, then BAM!

We take control and turn them against the aliens.

We have to dress like this for YEARS?

Focus, Honey, focus!

Here's the plan.

Disguise ourselves as their leader and the goats will follow us

back to the petting zoo.

Oops. But we don't look anything like their leader!

Sure we do! We've got the knobbly knees,

we've got the ridiculous hair,

and I can even do his googly eyes.

-Uh, Zag?

-What?

GOAT BLEATS LOUDLY

Oh. Aaaaah!

OK, I've read your banner.

Now if you don't mind, I'd like to get on with the inspection.

But you haven't heard the "Welcome To Burbia" song!

# Welcome to Burbia

# Where-bia? Burbia! #

If I didn't know better, I'd think you were trying to hide something.

Me? Never! I wouldn't want you to miss a thing.

-In fact, let me clean those glasses for you.

-What IS that noise?

Ah, haha.

Ahh, woohoo hoo hoo!

Zag, he's trying to headbutt my butt butt!

Hang on Zig, we're almost there!

Aaahhhhh!

And that's how you out-goat a goat, Zigmund. Zig?

Can we go home, now?

My bottom's had a very tough day.

ALL: Oh! SIGHS OF RELIEF

Oh!

Hmm. I've never seen anything like it.

No lawns, no trees, no flowers, there's no nothing.

This is absolutely...

fantastic!

It's the neatest neighbourhood I've ever seen.

So, we're not getting fined?

For what? There's nothing here to fine you about.

-Excellent work.

-Yeah!

-Yay!

-Brilliant!

-Woo!

I don't believe it! Guys, we actually passed the inspection.

Cool-ariffic, Zag! We did it!

And just in time for tomorrow's street part-ay!

Oh, um, yeah. The, the, uh, party. Um.

ALL: Oh, haha, yeah, OK, let's do it!

THEY LAUGH

GOATS BLEAT

I don't think these goats like us, sir.

Fear not, Honey. It's simply a matter of befriending their leader.

-Which one's their leader?

-The one with the knobbly knees!

And the googly eyes. Sort of like this.

GOAT BLEATS

Aaaahhhh!

Ow!

-Was that a flying goat?

-Ha! I don't think so, madam. Goats can't fly!

And if there's one thing we know everything about, it's goats!

GOAT BLEATS

Aaah ohhh!

Well, maybe not everything.

Oh, yeah.

# Five, four, three, two, one

# Hey, one, hey, one, hey

# Hey, hey, hey

# Hey, hey, hey

# Five, four, three, two,

# Time for Zig and Zag! #