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Zog's Got Talent Zig and Zag

Zog's Got Talent

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# Five, four, three, two Five, four, three, two, one...

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# Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

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# Well, come along for the ride

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# You and me and Zig and Zag

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# When our weird worlds collide

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# It may seem a little mad

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# But you can't close your eyes or you'll miss it

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# Hold on tight no-one's drive, drive, driving

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# It's time to get on with it, not too late

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# Start counting, are your engines on? We can't wait

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# Count down it's Zig and Zag time

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# Five, four, three, two

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# Time for Zig and Zag! #

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-Hi, Nellie.

-Hi, Fluffy Alien Buff Bunny.

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-Huh?

-Heh. Hey, Whatever.

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I bid you good after-day, Miss Nellington.

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We'd like to exchange the custard we purchased here yesterday

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for custard that doesn't fall through the bars of the barbecue.

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Zig?

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It's plippy-ploppy. Eugh.

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-SHE GASPS

-BNE - Biggest News Ever!

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Wait. They've finally invented a dishwasher that does

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socks and pants as well?

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Even better. Everybody's Got Talent is coming to town!

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Apologies, mis amigo!

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For a moment there, we thought you said our favourite TV show,

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Everybody's Got Talent, was coming here!

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I know! Isn't it awesome?

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BOTH SCREAM

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-Ha-ha-ha-ha.

-Whoa!

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It's only the greatest televisual spectacular

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of the entire solar system!

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They're doing auditions at the mall tomorrow,

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and get this - Barry Blancmange is going to be there, in person.

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B-B-Barry Blancmange! He's my hero!

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We've got to get our photo taken with him.

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Oh! That would be the coo-hoo-lest thing ever!

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We'll simply audition for Everybody's Got Talent.

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That way, we'll definitely get to meet Barry Blancmange! Ho-ho!

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-Now, let's go get talented, bro.

-Ho-ho!

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ZIG SNIFFS

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These footballs smell melon-y.

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Whoa-oh-oh! Ooh!

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Ugh.

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Clean up on aisle three, please. Clean up on aisle three.

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All righty, Zigmeister General.

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Now all we have to do is discover our hidden talents.

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Ha-ha! Down, boy. Down.

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Argh! Snail-taming's not for me. It's coming to get me.

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Look! It's coming to get me!

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Oh, Zag, it's only a harmless little snail.

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Waah! It's on my face! It's on my face!

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Oh. Huh-oh.

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Oh!

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Ow!

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-Whoa.

-Whoa.

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-Whoa.

-Whoa.

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-Oh.

-Whoa.

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-Steady.

-Oh, oh, oh!

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Ow. PEK LAUGHING

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What are you silly bug-eyed fluffy boys doing?

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Oh, we're finding our talent.

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SPEAKING OWN LANGUAGE

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O-ho-ho!

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Pek says he has more talent in his little snoozlehooven than

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you two put together. O-ho-ho!

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Well, that's just downright rude.

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You've got to face it, fluffy boys.

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The truth is, not everybody's got talent, but some of us have a lot.

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-Wow!

-Wow!

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So, we will not be seeing you at the auditions, then?

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I wouldn't be so sure. We haven't tried our knife-throwing act yet.

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We might be really good at that.

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GULPS NERVOUSLY

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You two are such a joke.

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PEK AND ABS GIGGLE

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Maybe Abs is right, bro. What if we don't have a talent?

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But I really, really,

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really want to get my photo taken with Barry Blancmange.

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Hmmm.

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Oh, mighty squidgy Marshmallow Of Destiny, what if we are talentless,

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and Abs is right, and we're a joke, and everyone laughs at us?

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Then perhaps you should embrace who you are, and be the joke.

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Perhaps we should be the joke?

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Jokes. That's it, Ziggy Boy!

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People are always telling me how funny I look.

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Our talent can be telling jokes!

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But Zag, we don't know earth jokes.

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Well, that's where my inge-he-nious idea comes into play.

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-Ta-da! What do you think?

-Ho-ho!

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Check this out!

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Why did the picture go to jail?

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Er... I told you, Zag, I don't know any jokes.

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-Press the button.

-Mmm?

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Because it was framed. Wa-ha-ha-ha!

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I feel a little bit funny. Ha-ha!

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That's because you're now one half of a joke machine.

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My chuckletastic Ha-Ha-Hats are designed to

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tickle your brainwaves, and bring your funny to the fore.

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What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant?

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Swimming trunks! Huh?

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Ha-ha! What kind of key opens a banana?

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A mon-key! Wayhay!

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I got a million of them.

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Then what in the name of Leonardo da Vinci's sock drawer

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are we still doing here?

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It's showtime, baby!

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BOTH: ZOG DROP!

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HAKA-STYLE DANCE MUSIC

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Ow!

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Hello, Burbia!

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This is, without doubt, the best audience we've ever had!

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Today. Ha-ha-ha-ha. And I truly mean that, most sincerely.

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Oh!

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Remember - everybody's a winner, because everybody's got talent!

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Hey, you've got it. Let's start the show.

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This way. Here we go.

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And now, Mr President will perform a series of spectacular cat tricks.

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First, the quadruple somersault.

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DRUMROLL

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Yay!

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-Huh?

-Er...

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-OK... Weren't they great?

-He's not finished yet.

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# I work in a shop,

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# It's owned by my dad

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# I get free stuff

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# So it's not all that bad

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# I work where my dad is

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# He's always up ladders

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# I work in a shop, I do. #

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Oh, gets you right there. Oh, beautiful, beautiful!

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Nearly there! Another half hour should do it.

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Oh! Hup! Hoo!

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DISTORTED VOICE: Good afternoon, I am robotic.

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TWINKLING KEYBOARD TUNE

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This jagerschnitzel is delicious.

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Hee-hee! Catchy.

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PEK GIGGLES

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Surely those guys are unbeatable?

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Beat that, furry boys.

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Our superior talents and strength are unbeatable. Even Barry says so.

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-Ah, forget them bro. We now have a talent.

-Hmm.

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Just think of all those millions of viewers at home watching.

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It's so exciting!

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And not only that, Zag gets to meet his hero, Barry Blancmange,

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right up close and personal!

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M-M-Meet Barry? M-M-Millions of people w-w-watching?

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-BARRY:

-And now, give it up for our next act,

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Burb Street's very own brothers, Zig and Zag,

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with their act, Joke Machine!

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-Yay!

-Let's go and kill it, bro.

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Knock them dead, guys.

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-I want to go home now, please. BARRY:

-Er, Zig and Zag,

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Joke Machine?

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Zig calling Zag. You can do this! Over.

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Zag want his blankie.

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Zig, you'll have to go on alone. Don't worry, I'll look after him.

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CHEERING

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NERVOUS LAUGH

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A zebra with a drum kit!

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-Huh?

-Huh?

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I've no eye-deer!

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Huh?

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Zag, snap out of it. Zig needs you.

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But I'm scared.

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-Oh, come on!

-ZAG MUTTERS

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You might be scared now, Zag, but when you're together you won't be.

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Two brothers against the world! Isn't that what you always say?

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Well, that and, "I've an inge-he-nious idea!"

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"Chaise la mange," and "Clean up on aisle three," and...

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Whoa!

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CHEERING

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Ha-ha-ha! A fridge in a denim jacket.

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Now, power up, and let's get talented!

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-Stable tennis!

-What's a horse's favourite game?

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Uh-oh. I think our Ha-Ha-Hats are out of sync.

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It doesn't matter, bro. Moo-seli!

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What do cows have for breakfast?

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Wait a minute, they're doing jokes in reverse! It's incredible!

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Barry Blancmange is laughing!

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Hugo first into the haunted house!

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Hugo who?

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Hugo.

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Who's there?

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Knock knock.

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I've never seen anything like it in all my years! Ha-ha!

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-Ha-ha-ha-ha!

-Hee-hee!

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-Ooh!

-Come on, yeah! Get in!

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Well done, bro.

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You boys were stupendous!

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Well, when you got a gift like we got, you got to share it.

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I like to keep it real, for my peeps.

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Uh, yeah(!)

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MUFFLED SPEECH

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Thanks, Mr Jones, appreciate your kind worderinos.

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I've got to admit it. You were pretty funny out there, fluffy boys.

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Well, as Barry Blancmange always says...

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..Everybody's got talent! Ha-ha-ha!

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B-B-B-Ba... Bla-bla-bla...

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Blancmange.

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-Emb-ba-barrassing.

-Hee-hee-hee!

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You guys are the most original act I've seen in years!

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Ho-ho-ho! Thanks, Your Majesty.

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-Zig, isn't it?

-So they keep telling me, girlfriend.

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And you must be Zag.

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Er... So... Er, I'll see you on next week's show for the next round.

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Next week? Hmm. I don't think so, Bazza.

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I think we'll just stay at home and watch the show instead.

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What? You'll turn down Everybody's Got Talent?

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Yeah! Being talented is hard work.

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We need a break from the pressure of being in the spotlight.

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But... But... Don't you want fame? Fortune?

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Your own range of hair products?

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Nyaaaa. We just wanted a photo with our favourite TV celeb.

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Well, if that's what makes you happy.

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Come on, bro!

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You know, you look taller on our telly. Now, say "underpants!"

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-Under... Oh.

-Underpants?!

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Ah, look at that! The proudest moment of our lives!

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Later generations will say, "My ancestors met the legendary

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"Barry Blancmange off the telly, and got their photo with him."

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I'm so proud, bro.

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So very proud.

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Hee-hee!

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# Five, four, three, two...

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# Hey! Hey! Hey!

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# Hey! Hey! Hey!

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# Hey! Hey! Hey!

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# Five, four, three, two

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# That was Zig and Zag! #

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