Episode 3 Boomers

MUSIC: "The Tears Of A Clown" by Smokey Robinson & The Miracles

# Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah

# Now if there's a smile on my face

# It's only there trying to fool the public

# But when it comes down to fooling you

# Now, honey, that's quite a different subject... #

Trevor? Hoover's gone again.

We'll have to go online and order a new one tonight.

Why do they make these things so complicated?

HOOVER STARTS Oh, it's all right, it's started.

Counselling was good yesterday, wasn't it?

Yeah, very constructive.

She's a lovely girl, Helen, isn't she? So easy to talk to.

Very much so.

Don't get me wrong, I'm enjoying it a lot, but, to be honest,

I still don't quite know why we're going.

Everyone at yoga goes to counselling.

They all go online and share tips and benefit from each other's experience.

Well, I don't like the idea of people sharing in our business.

HOOVER STOPS

It's an anonymous online community, Trevor. I don't give my real name.

Oh. Well, what do you call yourself?

Miss Sadie.

What do you call me?

Trevor.

So what do you think of the new run-around?

-Very smart.

-I was going to park it on the drive,

but it looks like Alan's doing something on it.

Yeah, he's doing the patio out the back.

He's been talking about doing it for months.

That's the trouble with Alan.

He never seems to be able to finish things off once he's started them.

They're all a bit like that.

You doing anything for Thurnemouth Day?

Well, I was going to take Mum to that sing-along,

but Carol just called and Trevor needs a lift into Norwich.

Do you want to take Mum?

I would. You know I would,

but we've got our Choral Society performance today.

Oh! You singing?

No. I'm not musical, Maureen, you know that.

I joined for the social aspect. This'll be my first gig as chairwoman.

Got voted in last month.

Oh, I thought they already had a chairwoman.

She died, finally...

and sadly.

-TREVOR:

-Oh, no, she drives too fast, Carol.

You know what I'm like with motion sickness.

Anyway, we always do Thurnemouth Day. What have you got on?

Nothing. It's a surprise.

We don't normally have surprises.

Exactly.

I thought we'd agreed we were going to try new things?

And this is something that will get me out and about, exactly like Helen was saying.

It's not one of those swingers things, is it, where you all put your keys in a bowl?

Oh, no, that would be a new thing.

You don't have to go to Thurnemouth Day, you know.

Carol, I'm chairman of the committee. I have to be there.

I have to lead by example.

Bit silly, isn't it, grown men running around dressed as sailors?

Two things there, Carol. One, nobody looks silly,

and two, I don't think you'll find too many people

who think Lord Nelson was just a sailor.

MUSIC: "Hey Joe" by Jimi Hendrix

You lost a contact lens there, Al?

You know your eyes shrink as you get older, Alan.

That's why your lenses fall out.

-You coming fishing?

-I've got to sort the patio out.

Joyce wants to have her Choral Society meetings out there.

They've just made her chairwoman.

I think her goal is to take over every society in Thurnemouth,

and then invade Poland.

Hmm...

It's never seemed to settle quite right, that patio.

Well, it's subsidence, because you live on the edge of a cliff.

-Oh, it's just not been laid properly.

-You got the Gypsies in, didn't you?

It was a reputable firm of builders.

-Where are they now?

-They moved out the area.

-Gypsies.

-They weren't Gypsies.

Did they have a caravan?

Look, Trevor and Carol have got a caravan. That doesn't mean they're Gypsies.

I can't see Carol dancing

round the campfire with a rose between her teeth, can you?

I just think she's spending too much time on her online communities.

She sees all these newly divorced women in their 60s on there,

banging on about what a great time they're having in the Gabon,

or wherever it is they go to find black steel.

Black steel?

Not my words, Maureen. That's just what they call it.

The idea that older women have got to have fun, independent lives

isn't going to do anyone any good, not in Thurnemouth it isn't.

Well, he'll have driven her to it.

He doesn't talk to her, Joyce. He doesn't communicate.

I bet that's what the marriage counsellor is telling them.

We don't know what the marriage counsellor's telling them!

No, but I'm going to find out. They don't need counselling.

It's obvious what the problem is - Trevor.

When someone's having difficulties in their relationship,

you can't ever put it down to one problem, Maureen.

It's lots of different things all coming together.

Marriage isn't a one-way street. There's two sides to every story.

So you don't think it's Trevor?

I do think it's Trevor, but you don't like to say, do you?

I don't know why you don't let me help.

I don't want to put you out.

It's no trouble. I've done hundreds of patios.

I don't need any help.

-Could save you a bit of money.

-I'm not a charity case.

-OK, OK, I'm just saying.

-It's all sorted, John.

You're not the only one who can lay a patio, you know.

-You're not doing it yourself?

-What do you mean?

Digging out, laying the aggregate, screeding over so the slabs don't shift.

-You can't do that yourself.

-Yeah, I know.

-You need a builder.

-I know. I've got a builder.

-Well done.

-Thank you.

-Which one?

-What?

-Which builder have you got?

-Why do you want to know?

I'm in the trade, Al. You don't want a cowboy.

-Is it Dave Howard? Dave's a good lad.

-No.

Chris Baines? He'll do you a discount if you mention my name.

-No.

-Keith Enfield?

-No.

-Mike Bird, Murray Goodwin, Paul Clancy?

-None of them.

-Which one is it, then?

-Someone you don't know.

-I know them all, Al.

-Not this one.

You haven't got a builder at all, have you?

CAROL: Hi!

The upside of doing it yourself is you'll miss Thurnemouth Day.

-Oh, my God.

-Bloody waste of time, that is.

Worst day of the year.

Hello, you two. Looking forward to Thurnemouth Day?

-Yeah, not half.

-Yes.

-Let's hope the weather holds.

-Oh, it will. All right, Trev?

Are you not doing anything for Thurnemouth Day?

Nothing much.

I'm just opening it.

What's that, then? Cutting some sort of ribbon?

There's a bit more to it than that.

Like what?

Actually, it's mainly the ribbon.

Oh, thanks for giving Trevor a lift.

Silly to waste the new motor.

I know, isn't it smart?

I saw it outside...and on Facebook.

Here's his bag.

He's picking up the rest of his outfit here in Norwich at midday.

-Right.

-The opening ceremony's at 5pm.

He's a bit concerned that he might miss it

if the traffic coming back from Norwich is bad.

Oh, don't worry about Trevor. You just have a good day.

-I'd love to take you, Trevor.

-If I could, I would, mate.

-You'll be all right with Maureen.

-You'll get a spin in the new car.

She done much driving in it?

She's a good driver, Maureen.

And you want to get there quickly, don't you?

Come on, Trev. I've got you all to myself today.

Now there's an offer you can't refuse.

-Where are you going?

-Fishing.

-No, you're not. You're taking Mum out.

-What?

-She's got a sing-along this afternoon.

-Hang on. You're taking her to that.

No, I'm taking Trevor.

Yeah, but wouldn't she rather go with you two?

Thurnemouth Day, see the lights?

She's not going there again.

Not after the cider chug last year. Come on.

JOYCE: What are you going to do with yourself today?

Going to put your feet up?

It's the Choral Society today, isn't it?

Yeah.

You were going to get me signed in.

I was going to surprise Trevor, get him to come along and watch,

put a bit of the sparkle back, remember?

Do I remember? Duh! How could I forget?

How could I forget you and Trevor getting your sparkle back?

I've actually being saying for years that I'd love to sing in a choir,

but Trevor doesn't seem to take any notice.

Sometimes I think you're the only person that listens to me.

Don't know about that.

So what did they say? Am I in?

Course you are!

-Yay!

-Yay! (GIGGLES)

# Wouldn't it be nice if we were older?

# Then we wouldn't have to wait so long

# And wouldn't it be nice to live together

# In the kind of world where we belong?

# You know its gonna make it that much better

# When we can say good night and stay together

# Wouldn't it be nice if we could wake up... #

Joan, it's me. You ready, love?

Ready to go?

You got the short straw, did you?

Why are you sitting in the dark?

I don't like going out with my curtains open.

Burglars can see in.

Yes, well, come on. You don't want to miss your sing-along.

What happened to that nice picture of you and me?

It's around somewhere.

-I thought it was in there.

-Only keep my treasures in there.

Are you ready?

-We can't go yet.

-Why not?

My toilet's making a funny noise.

-What do you mean, a funny noise?

-It's gurgling.

Are you sure it's the toilet?

We'll get maintenance to look at it.

He's not in till next week. I thought you could do it.

I'll look at it tomorrow.

I'm not using the toilet if it's gurgling.

OK, OK, we can sort this out. We've got time.

You going fishing again?

No.

ENGINE REVS AND TYRES SQUEAL

I'm loving having my own motor again.

Have you not put the address into the sat nav?

Oh, we've got a map, Trev.

We don't need some smartarse woman telling us where to go.

We've got me to do that.

You can put it in if you like.

Isn't it nippy?

Yes, very smart. Lovely smooth... Watch the bike!

-TYRES SQUEAL

-Oh, bloody bikes all over the place.

Should stay on the pavement.

He was on the pavement.

I just thought I should get a bit of independence back, you know.

That light's red.

John was very keen for me to get out and about on my own.

-Red light.

-I'm sure that's what you want for Carol as well.

-Red light, Maureen!

-TYRES SQUEAL

There.

This is nice.

We don't often get to spend time together, do we?

ENGINE REVS AND TYRES SQUEAL

No, I understand, you've got too much work on. Lucky you.

I've called 15 builders this morning and they've all got too much work on.

I know we're out of the recession but this is ridiculous.

We'll start rehearsing soon,

only someone's got to put the refreshments out.

Oh, I'm just happy to be involved.

Me and Trevor have always shared a love of music.

He'll listen to jazz, I'll listen to Magic.

You see, Joyce, if you think of marriage as a tent,

then a shared activity, like music, could be one of the tent poles.

Don't take this the wrong way, Carol,

but have you been spending time with your online yoga group again?

The yoga women are very Zen.

Jennifer's actually been to a Buddhist retreat,

and while she was there she found herself,

and decided to leave her husband and live in an all-female community,

where they build their own houses out of dried mud.

Yeah, but things are different out in the Far East, Carol.

This was in Ipswich.

I just think you'd be better with down to earth people here, Carol.

You know being chairwoman doesn't mean you have to put out the chairs?

Oh, I know.

Going to be a full house for you this afternoon.

I managed to sell all the tickets. That wasn't easy.

Oh, right.

Everything else going OK for you?

Yes, fine, yes, just sorting out all the refreshments,

but otherwise all good.

Now, I've noticed a couple of issues.

The piano needs tuning. It's a semitone out.

And we need a backdrop to the stage there,

and some material up there to absorb the echo.

Erm, and the lighting...

Shall I break the ice?

No, you just go and put the crisps away, Carol.

..and the front two rows are

going to have to go because they'll block the sound.

I don't want people who are just along for the ride.

We need to make sure the intensity is up around the 110% mark.

110%? That is high, isn't it?

I think this choir's been underperforming for some time now.

-Do you?

-I do. I look around. I see dead wood.

A lot of people who are just coasting.

Think it's a bit of fun, you know, a chance to socialise with their friends.

People who don't really understand music.

Well, you won't get that from me, Emma. I'm all about the music.

Is that person waving at you?

No. I've never seen her before.

FLUSHING

Well, there's nothing wrong with it that I can see.

-It gurgles.

-It didn't gurgle for me.

I thought you were a plumber.

What's the point of you if you can't even fix a toilet?

-KNOCKING

-Hello, Joan? Door's open. Everything OK?

It's the warden. This place is like a bloody prison camp.

Don't let her...in.

The toilet doesn't work.

No, it's fine.

It's not fine. What if it floods?

It won't.

It might. It might flood when I'm on it.

Well, then the warden can help you, can't she?

Er, no. I don't attend residents in those circumstances.

-Why not?

-I just don't.

Maintenance will be back on Monday.

I can't go without a toilet until Monday.

We do have an out-of-hours service, but it's more expensive.

Perhaps you could have Joan till then?

I'm busy.

Going fishing?

No.

I just think with Dad passing and Mum withdrawing into

her own little world, and Simon finally leaving home,

there was just no-one else left to talk to except Trevor,

and I suppose I've never really relied on him for that,

you know, not for that emotional connection.

Did you put the peanuts out as well?

Oh, yeah.

So what did Emma say? Is it all right?

Yeah, course it is. You can sing, can't you?

Oh, not that it matters. It's all a bit of fun, really,

but at the same time it is quite serious,

and they have been practising for the best part of six months.

That is serious.

Me and Trevor can sing the whole of Love Will Keep Us Together

without looking at the words.

I'm Tennille. He's the Captain. It's our thing.

Carol, you don't have to do it.

You're the one who said I needed a challenge!

You said it would be a change from working at the hospice.

Yeah, I know, but there are lots of challenges, aren't there?

I mean, you still haven't been on the Oblivion ride at Alton Towers

with your little granddaughter, have you? That's a real challenge.

Oh, it's not the same thing.

Yeah, but you promised her, Carol.

I can still remember the look on her face when you said it.

A performing challenge. Bring me out of my shell.

They do pole dancing here now. Monday evenings.

Keeps you fit, plus,

it's still got that little bit of showbiz thrown in.

I know you're trying to give me an easy out,

but I really want to do this.

It's important to still be able to surprise each other.

That's what the marriage counsellor says. She wants us to be more spontaneous.

Has she met Trevor?

Mr Mitchell?

Yes.

Thomas Parlour. We spoke on the mobile phone.

Sorry I'm late. I couldn't find you.

I think my map's out of date.

New estate, is it?

1982.

Oh, thought so.

Erm...

Everything all right?

Yes. It's just, erm, I assumed I'd be getting the son.

I am the son.

FLUSHING

You fixed it yet?

We can't find anything wrong with it.

What about the gurgling?

All toilets make a noise, Joan.

I'll have to get somebody else in.

The old girl next door has a very good handyman. I'll give her a ring.

We're not calling anyone else.

You want me to use the toilet when it's unsafe, do you?

You want to leave me to get sucked down the pan next time I flush it?

She seems distressed. Maybe we should call someone who could help?

Like the warden, you mean?

How you ever made any money, I don't know.

-HANDYMAN:

-There you go.

My daughter Maureen did all the work.

Fine. You know what, Joan? It's fine.

We've had the toilet out and we've had it back in again,

and there's nothing wrong with it. But that's not an issue.

No, you were right and we were wrong.

But let me tell you something, Joan,

you've had three people running round after you all morning,

and not one of us have complained, have we? No?

Even this young man came out on a call-out.

He's even been down the cesspit at the bottom of the garden,

but he's happy to do that, aren't you? Your welfare, Joan,

has been the number one priority for me and Maureen,

and everyone else who cares about you. But that's it, Joan.

That's it. I've had enough.

You've hurt me, Joan.

You've hurt me. And I've missed a very important appointment.

I thought you said you weren't going fishing?

I'm not.

Hi, Emma. Sorry, can I...

Sorry, Joyce, I'm a bit busy at the moment.

I know. This is two minutes.

Now that we've got some of the technical things out of the way,

I wanted to say the thing I was going to say before.

-Which is what?

-Which is, I actually wanted to

ask you a tiny favour. I've got a friend who has...

-Oh, no.

-What?

You've got a friend who has always wanted to sing?

-Yeah, she...

-I'm sorry, Joyce.

We're supposed to be putting on a performance this afternoon.

She'll just slot in anywhere.

At the back, even, behind the big girls.

We've been rehearsing this piece for months.

But the words are all written down, aren't they? In English?

I mean, how hard can it be?

It's one of the most complex and powerful pieces of choral music ever written.

This isn't about doing favours for our mates. It's about the music.

I'm sure you understand that.

If you're prepared to use the choir as a form of patronage to get your friends in,

then that suggests you don't take the music very seriously.

I know, but if she's standing at the back, miming...?

# It brings a tear

# Into my eyes... #

You want a hand?

Why don't you leave it to the professionals?

# When I begin to realise... #

-You all right there?

-Yeah, yeah, it's fine.

It's just, you know, keen to stay on schedule.

Oh, stop worrying, Trevor.

We'll get you there on time.

You know, me and John had a bit of a wobble ourselves a few years back.

Mark had just left home, finally,

and we were thinking, "What do we do now?"

It was a difficult year.

We grew apart, physically.

Look at this. I've got the eye-patch and everything!

We even stopped sleeping together.

I see no ships!

You can imagine how hard that was. Especially for John.

Wonder what the sound system's like in here.

CAR RADIO: # Ah, I love to love you, baby

# Oh, oh

# Ah, I love to love you, baby

# Lay your head down real close to me... #

MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY

Shame you're missing the sing-along, hearing all those old tunes.

# We'll meet again Don't know where, don't know when...

# But I know we'll meet again Some sunny day. #

That's a lovely one, isn't it?

To be honest, Joan, I don't like it.

No, neither do I.

Look, I know you'd rather be going fishing.

Matter of fact, so would I.

But at my time in life you don't get much choice.

I am going to the bloomin' sing-along,

and you are getting me there, so we might as well like it or lump it.

Yep, we might as well.

-# Keep smiling through... #

-Don't push it.

OK!

If you mix it right, the cement will spread smooth.

That's lumpy. You've put too much sand in the mix.

I told you about that, now, didn't I?

You all right there?

Yeah, I'm fine.

You know my wife's turning up here tomorrow

with the entire Thurnemouth Choral Society?

Can I rely on you to explain the situation to her?

We're on schedule. Don't worry.

Good. Let me know if you need anything.

I wouldn't mind a biscuit.

I don't understand.

John always avoids the A47 this way.

SAT NAV: 'Searching...route.'

Doesn't know what road we're on.

Probably hasn't been updated for years.

I know how she feels.

So anyway, me and John's physical relationship - where was I with that?

-I think you'd finished.

-No, no, that's it.

What I was saying was that after we'd rebooted

that side of things, everything else fell into place. You know what I'm saying?

-Not really.

-No.

No, I know you find it hard to talk about this sort of stuff,

but sometimes it does help to share your worries with a friend,

rather than an anonymous person in a Relate office.

-But I don't really want to share them.

-You're holding back on me, Trevor.

No, really, I'm not.

I can't help you unless you open up.

Yes, but I don't want you to help me!

Well...

I must say, Trevor, that's a real slap in the face.

CRASH

-Hi!

-It's filling up.

Yeah, there's going to be a lot of people in here.

You're probably really nervous.

If you did want to pull out...

No! I just wanted to say thanks again for getting me in.

That's what friends are for.

But if at any point you wanted to pull out...

No, I've told everyone I'm doing it.

What do you mean?

My friends from the Age UK music club, they're all here.

CAROL GIGGLES

It's just a boat. Look at my car.

-This is going to cost a fortune.

-It'll still float.

You know a lot about boats, do you?

No, but he does.

OK, here's the deal.

I have actually been a member of the Choral Society for several years, Emma.

That's several years more than you.

And while I appreciate you are very serious about your music, so am I.

I'm a music lover, as is everyone in this room, including my friend Carol,

who is going to join in this afternoon's performance.

Joyce, I just don't think you're quite grasping what we're trying to accomplish.

Emma, love, this is the Thurnemouth Community Centre,

not the Royal bloody Opera House.

We're here to have a bit of fun,

and if you can't get your head round that,

I'm afraid I'm going to have to sever my connections with the society.

Because you are making me choose between supporting my friend

and being chairwoman.

I understand.

Good. OK. Good.

Just checking.

MUSIC: "Itchycoo Park" by The Small Faces

# Over Bridge of Sighs... #

MAUREEN: Sorry we missed it.

I can't believe they used another Nelson.

It just doesn't feel quite right.

I'm not being racist.

I mean, you can have any kind of Nelson you like,

but a Chinese Nelson?

Sounds like a wrestling hold, doesn't it?

John's going to do his nut.

-No, that'll be fine.

-Will it?

Yes, you haven't got much to repair there.

Head lamp, grille, front wing panel.

-And a boat.

-And a boat.

You know what I was looking forward to most?

It wasn't officiating at the opening ceremony,

though that would have been nice. It was the sameness of it.

Thurnemouth Day is always the same, Maureen.

Same bunting, same speeches, same morris dancers in Market Square.

You can rely on it,

and there aren't many things you can say that about any more.

Well, that's all very well, Trev,

but this is a Mini Cooper we're talking about.

I'll have to update my Facebook page.

# Under Dreaming Spires

# To Itchycoo Park, that's where I've been

# What did you do there?

# I got high

# What did you feel there?

# Well, I cried

# But why the tears there?

# I'll tell you why... #

She won't let you sing.

Emma. Not going to do it.

-But you said she'd already...

-I know. It's come from nowhere, Carol.

APPLAUSE

I don't think I'm going to be able to listen to this.

Don't worry. You won't be the only one.

PIANO PLAYS

PACKETS RUSTLE

-You all right?

-Don't say anything.

OK. Who's that?

That's Mr Parlour.

Oh.

How's your dad?

HE SNORES

Thought you were going fishing?

No, I just dropped Joan off at her sing-along.

You know, when our Mark left home I thought Dad's taxi service

would go out of business. Now it's doing a roaring trade again.

-Why don't you go fishing tomorrow?

-No, she's got Pilates tomorrow.

-Really?

-She's bendier than she looks.

-MOBILE RINGS

-At least you've got the evening off.

I don't know about that.

Yes, Joan.

All right, sit tight. I'll be there in a sec.

She wants to leave. Apparently there's no bar.

MUSIC: "It's Not Unusual" by Tom Jones

Well, it was all right.

It was amazing!

Definitely missed Carol, though.

Yeah, definitely.

I thought it was cool.

Yeah, really good. I love Handel's Messiah.

You going to hang around for five minutes?

What for?

It's a treat.

# It's not unusual to be loved by anyone... #

-So I'll see you tomorrow?

-Yeah, thanks. OK.

# It's not unusual to have fun with anyone

# But when I see you hanging about with anyone

# It's not unusual... #

MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY John! John!

Joan?

Joan? I'm coming in.

Silly arse!

# Now stop, cos I really love you

# Stop, I'll be thinkin' of you

# Look in my heart and let love bring us together... #

It's nice to be able to help people.

I'm not sure they'd agree with you.

# You, you belong to me now... #

What did the Choral Society make of it?

They kicked me out.

Oh, no.

Well, it's for the best. You've done a good turn.

I know.

You'll bounce back.

I already have.

I'm starting a country and western society.

We're all meeting on Thursday round at ours.

# Look in my heart and let love keep us together... #

How's the patio coming on?

# Whatever... #

# Young and beautiful

# Some day your looks will be gone

# When the others turn you off

# Who'll be turning you on?

# I will, I will, I will, I will

# Be there to share for ever

# Love will keep us together

# I said it before and I'll say it again... #