Harper vs Harper My Family


Harper vs Harper

Sitcom. Ben and Susan decide to go their separate ways, but will they end up in the same place?


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Transcript


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With Kenzo's parents' evening coming up, I might ask Dad or Michael to come.

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Janey, how many times have we been though this?

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It's fine to go on your own.

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There's nothing wrong with being a single mother.

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Oh, I know, I know,

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but it can't hurt to show that Kenzo's got a mature, positive male influence in his life.

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No, you hang up.

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No, you hang up.

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You first.

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OK, we'll both hang up on three.

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One,

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two,

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three.

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You didn't hang up!

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Roger, what happened?!

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Oh! I was just smelling the sweet aroma of a geranium in the park,

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when to my misfortune I stumbled across a bee

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that happened to be collecting pollen from it.

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I was already a bit disoriented.

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I had just had a rather delicious ice cream, you see,

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and as a result, I had a bit of brain-freeze.

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Anyway, after the bee startled me, I stumbled back into the "space"

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a street theatre group were rehearsing in.

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It must have been some sort of improvisational youth aggression piece

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because they proceeded to set about me.

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If that moron parks in front of my drive once more,

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I shall take his fake residents' parking permit

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and stick it in the empty space where his tax disc should be!

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No, you hang up!

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No, I hang up!

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Single mother it is then.

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Don't forget we have plans for Friday night.

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Oh, let's just skip it, Susan.

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-You don't even know what you'd be skipping.

-What? Course I do.

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Well?

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It's the...

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-thing.

-You're unbelievable.

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We have an anniversary celebration.

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Of course, I remember.

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Eh, how could I forget the anniversary

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of the greatest day of my life?

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Not ours.

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No, not ours.

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It's George and Lillian's 60th wedding anniversary.

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How could you not remember? We go every year.

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I block things out, Susan.

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It's how I survive.

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I think the fact that they celebrate their love after so many years is incredibly romantic.

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Can you imagine being married 60 years?

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God no!

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Listen, I'm not asking you to be a good father. It's too late for that.

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All I'm asking is that you try to be a good husband and be more involved in our life as a couple.

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Listen, I have given you everything over the last 30 years, Susan.

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-Do you remember the Amalfi Coast trip?

-We didn't go.

-We... What?

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You moaned so much, I cancelled it.

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Really? I could have sworn we had a terrible time.

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Look, just be ready on Friday night to go at 7:30.

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-I'm not going.

-What?

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-I'm not going.

-They're my godparents, for crying out loud.

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Why can't you do this one little thing for me?

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-I always do little things for you. I just don't make a fuss when I do them.

-Name one.

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If I could, I'd be making a fuss.

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So, you're never there when I need you.

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-We always do things I hate.

-You're selfish.

-You're unreasonable!

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-What's got into you? Are you drunk?

-It's nine in the morning!

-Answer the question!

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-I mean, I don't know what's got into the woman.

-Ow!

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I mean, you know, I've given her my life, I've given her three children.

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-Aah!

-What am I left with?

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Probing around in the abyss of people's rancid gobs.

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Aaah!

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It is just one evening.

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Perhaps it'll be fun.

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Are you taking her side?

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No, no, no! I'm on your side. Please don't get upset.

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PHONE RINGS

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-This will just take a minute.

-Oh, thank God!

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-Hello, Susan.

-Oh, no!

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There is no way I am apologising and I can't talk now, I'm with a patient.

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-Just let her prattle on.

-'What?!'

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Nothing. Go ahead. I'm listening.

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'I think one of us should apologise.'

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Mmm, I agree.

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'When I said one of us, I meant you.'

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Susan, there is no way I am going to apologise.

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Ow! That really hurts.

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-Sorry.

-'That's all I wanted to hear.'

-Not you, Susan! Mr Harris.

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And I am not going to the party.

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'You're going if I have to drag your dead body.'

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Then I'll be out of my misery!

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Aaargh!

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Hello, Ben.

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-Argh!

-Oh, hello, Mr Harris. Sorry to interrupt, I have big news.

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I've got a date this weekend.

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-With a woman?

-Yes!

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The long walk through the desert of loneliness is almost over.

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It's been a year since Abi left.

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And two years since I've been intimate with anybody.

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Thank for sharing that image, Roger. Now, would you please go away.

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I want to get rid of Mr Harris so I can deal with my wife.

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Perhaps your colleague could finish up?

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I mean, you are under an extreme amount of stress.

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Yes, OK, good point, yeah.

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-Roger, do you mind?

-Oh, not at all.

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I'm so excited.

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Her name is Fiona. She is wonderful.

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My heart is racing.

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Oh, look at my hands! They're shaking!

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I've had enough! What's wrong with you people?!

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What's the matter with him? I'm just angry with my wife and he's just a bad dentist.

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Hey! Bring that... Bring the bib back!

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There's no point in dragging this out. Just admit you're wrong and we can both go to sleep.

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If I thought for one minute I was wrong, I would.

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-What about our rule?

-What rule?

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About never going to bed angry.

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Yeah, whatever. Just go to sleep.

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-So we're going to bed angry?

-Apparently so.

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-Normally, one of us at least fakes an apology so we can both go to sleep.

-Here's a thought...

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What if we just don't bother?

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We've never crossed that line before, you know that. It doesn't feel right.

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Oh, don't start getting superstitious on me now. Just go to sleep.

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-Fine.

-Fine.

-Fine!

-Fine!

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Thank God we're not superstitious.

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This is the Dream Slumber.

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1,400 pocket springs to provide comfort and support.

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Oh!

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Just testing it for bounce-ability.

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Why don't you give it the fart and snore test?

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I don't snore.

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I don't like this bed.

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What? What's wrong with this? This is brilliant.

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Oh, now this one...

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-this one I like.

-Oh, yeah.

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Well, of course you do, it's hard, it's unforgiving.

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No wonder you like it.

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-We'll take it.

-No, we're not.

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I am not sleeping on this mattress.

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Wow. I'll be comfortable, and you won't be there.

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That's a win-win situation.

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You're not having your own way. I'll be sleeping on 50% of this bed.

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Ha! That'll be the day.

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I've been sleeping on 20% of the mattress for years.

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-With 90% of the duvet.

-We're buying this bed!

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-No, we're not!

-Excuse me, could I offer an alternative?

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We have a bed called the Tender-Nite Twin.

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It has two separate mattresses, one firm, one soft,

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that can be zipped and linked together.

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Oh, right, well, we'll have a look at that, shall we?

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Oh.

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Yep, I like this.

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Ooh, I like this.

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And they can be linked together as one bed.

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Or we could just keep them apart.

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-Single beds, you mean?

-Why not?

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-It would solve a lot of problems.

-Yeah.

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Just put a bed-side table in-between.

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-Fine. Who gets the drawer?

-Me.

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-Why you?

-All right, we'll have one each.

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-One either side.

-Mmm-hmm.

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So what do we put in the middle?

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-How about a wall?

-What are you suggesting?

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-One moves into Michael's room.

-Separate bedrooms?

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-Separate bedrooms.

-Fine.

-Fine.

-Fine.

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Fine.

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And there are no payments until next year.

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Why do I have to move into Michael's room?

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You're the man, the man moves out.

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But it's smaller. You're smaller, you'll fit into it.

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-You're being ridiculous.

-No, you're being ridiculous!

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-What would it take to get you to shut up?

-You shutting up first!

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-This bickering is driving me insane!

-Well, that's the first thing we've agreed on in weeks.

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I can't stand this any more!

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You know what I need? I need not to see your stupid face for a while.

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Good, suits me. Won't have to see your stupid face either.

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Then perhaps a couple of days apart will do us both good.

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-What are you saying? Separate houses?

-We can't go on like this. We need a break.

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-Three days?

-Four days.

-Make it a week.

-Good idea.

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-Hi, Mum.

-Hey, Dad. Mum.

-What are you two doing here?

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Don't you remember? We said we'd come over Sundays, so we don't lose touch.

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And what's the reason you come over the other six days?

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-We love you.

-And we get hungry.

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-Now's not a good time.

-Why, what's going on?

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Your father and I are taking a break from each other.

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We've been doing nothing but bicker for the last few weeks.

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-So you're separating?

-No, no, no, we're just taking a little break.

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-I'm pretty sure that's separating.

-No, no, no.

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We're just not going to live together for a little while.

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-No, that's definitely separating.

-Afraid so.

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Is that what do you think?

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Is that what...

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-we're doing?

-Is that what you want?

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I don't know. It's what YOU want.

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I don't know, I don't care either.

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Fine. Well, if that's what you want, then that's what we're doing.

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-Fine.

-Fine.

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-So where are you going, Dad?

-Why does everyone assume it's me that's moving out?

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Well, I'm not leaving, I've made a home here.

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And you... What? And I haven't?

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Come on, this place is full of memories for me.

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Kids, how many times have we sat there in front of that fire

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on a cold winter's night with you on my knee, cuddled up and... Fine! I'll go!

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KNOCKING

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Be right there! Don't you go away!

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KNOCKING

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My God, she's as eager as I am!

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KNOCKING

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Hello, my darling!

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-Hello, dear.

-Ben? Ben?

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What are you doing here?

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-I need a place to sleep.

-I don't mean to be rude, but you can't stay.

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It's my big date tonight. It's all systems go.

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Well, you carry on. You won't even notice me.

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It's been two years, Ben.

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Please, just let me have tonight.

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Just go, just go!

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Oh, right. Well, I've been cast out of my own home

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and the long and winding road of despair naturally led me

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to my best mate, Roger.

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Best mate.

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Good old Roger.

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Am I really your best mate?

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That's what I thought.

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All right.

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-You can stay.

-Got any crisps? KNOCKING

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-That's Fiona!

-Good, carry on.

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You won't even notice me.

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Here's to the most beautiful woman,

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whose eyes sparkle...

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whose smile gives me goose bumps,

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-whose hair...

-Yes! No! Hit the post, two yards out!

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Oh, you two are missing a great game here.

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Ben, please. We're trying to have a nice quiet dinner.

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Sorry, yep, not even here.

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Now then, where were we?

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Maybe I should go.

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But it's our big night.

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-Oh, it's OK, we can do it another evening.

-Oh!

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You should be with your friend right now.

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He needs your support.

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I do hope things work out with you and your wife, Ben.

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Thanks, thanks, Fiona.

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Rog, can't believe that bloke didn't score. It was wide open for him.

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Bye, girls, thanks for coming.

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-Hello, darling!

-Hi, Mum.

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-Come join the party.

-OK.

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I thought you might need a shoulder to cry on,

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but you seem to be doing fine.

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I certainly am.

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Everyone, this is my daughter, Janey.

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-ALL: Hi, Janey.

-Hi.

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Janey, these are some of my closest friends who you've never met because they didn't like your father.

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-Nice to meet you all.

-Come and have a drink.

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OK. Mum...

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-it's so weird to have smiling people in the house.

-Tell me about it.

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And this is just the overflow.

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You can't move in the kitchen.

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I wonder what Dad's up to.

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Who cares? He's probably ruining someone else's life.

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-Cheers, darling!

-Cheers, Mum!

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TOILET FLUSHING

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That's the last of the dead fish.

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What would make you unplug an aquarium?

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Oh, Roger, I had to charge my phone somehow.

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Goodnight, Ben.

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GLASS CLATTERING

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-Oh, hello.

-Hello.

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Been thinking about anything?

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Like an apology? Nope, haven't. Have you?

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Nope. Can't say I have.

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-Fine.

-Fine.

-Good.

-Fine...

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I mean good.

0:14:200:14:21

You know, now that we've separated,

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I think you should knock before you come into the house.

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Now that we're separated, I don't have to care what do you think.

0:14:290:14:32

What are you doing here?

0:14:350:14:36

I might ask you the same question. It's my night, remember?

0:14:360:14:39

That's what we agreed, we share the house 50-50.

0:14:390:14:42

I thought you might do the gentlemanly thing and let me stay.

0:14:420:14:45

Isn't that funny, all these years together and you don't even know me yet.

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Yes, I do.

0:14:490:14:51

-I've packed a bag.

-Oh, good.

0:14:510:14:54

Drowning your sorrows, I see.

0:14:540:14:55

I had a little party last night to celebrate my freedom.

0:14:550:14:58

Mmm-hmm, don't tell me,

0:14:580:15:00

bunch of bitter women whingeing on about who has the worst husband.

0:15:000:15:06

Is this a limbo set?

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-I won, by the way.

-Yeah?

0:15:090:15:11

Well, Roger and I had a bit of a party last night.

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Yes, I heard you killed his fish.

0:15:150:15:17

God, that guy has to Tweet everything.

0:15:170:15:20

Right, I'm off.

0:15:200:15:21

Would it be too presumptuous to ask what I'm having for my tea?

0:15:210:15:25

-There's a bottle of bleach under the sink. Knock yourself out.

-Thank you.

0:15:250:15:29

-DOOR SLAMS

-Ben?!

0:15:340:15:36

Up here.

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RUNNING FOOTSTEPS

0:15:380:15:39

Thanks, Roger, thanks for coming.

0:15:450:15:47

-Your call sounded urgent.

-Yeah,

0:15:470:15:50

I'm in a bit of a situation here, Rog, that I can't handle on my own.

0:15:500:15:54

-It's a bit too much for one man.

-Well, you can always count on me.

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Can I, Roger? Can I really?

0:15:580:16:00

-Absolutely.

-Thank you, thank you.

0:16:000:16:02

-OK, grab an end.

-What?

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The mattress, we've got to take it downstairs, we're getting a new one delivered.

0:16:040:16:08

But, I thought you wanted to talk?

0:16:080:16:10

Talk? Talk?! Why would I want to talk to you?

0:16:100:16:14

I've left someone in the middle of a root canal for this!

0:16:150:16:18

-Stop whining.

-But, he's under anaesthetic.

0:16:180:16:21

Well, we'd better hurry then!

0:16:210:16:22

Now, move, move, come on.

0:16:220:16:24

No, no, no, no, no, this won't work, won't work, I'm going backwards.

0:16:240:16:28

OK, you carry on, OK.

0:16:280:16:29

-To me.

-Left!

0:16:310:16:33

-Oh, right.

-Left! Yep, yeah, go on.

0:16:330:16:36

Slow down, Ben! Slow down!

0:16:360:16:38

Take the weight.

0:16:380:16:41

-To me.

-Come on, Rog, come on!

0:16:410:16:43

-OK! OK, I've got it. To you, to you a bit. Yep.

-Good boy, good boy.

0:16:430:16:46

-To me.

-Yep, move it, move it right.

0:16:460:16:48

-Oh, Ben...

-What?

-We're just like the Chuckle Brothers!

-The who?

0:16:480:16:53

The Chuckle Brothers, they're on CBBC.

0:16:530:16:54

Oh, get a life, Roger, get a life.

0:16:540:16:56

-Move it right, move it right.

-Your right or my right?

0:16:560:16:58

Just move it to your right.

0:16:580:17:00

-Well, that's my left!

-Pull it, Roger, just pull it!

0:17:000:17:04

-I don't think you've got it at all, Ben!

-Come on, Rog, pull. Pull. Pull.

0:17:040:17:07

PHONE RINGS Hang on, why's someone ringing...

0:17:070:17:10

Hello?

0:17:100:17:12

Hello?

0:17:160:17:17

No, but we've waited two...

0:17:170:17:19

Oh, not another two weeks for the mattress, please! Right, OK, fine.

0:17:190:17:24

All right, Roger...

0:17:250:17:26

back up.

0:17:260:17:28

Help...me...Ben.

0:17:280:17:33

I really appreciate you letting me stay the night.

0:17:330:17:37

-It's no problem.

-Feel free to stay as long as you like.

0:17:370:17:40

Of course, it's...just for tonight though, right?

0:17:410:17:44

Yes, Michael. Don't worry.

0:17:440:17:46

I've sheltered you in my womb for nine months,

0:17:460:17:49

gave you a home for 20 years, but I don't want you to put yourself out.

0:17:490:17:53

Is there something I can find for you?

0:17:540:17:57

What happened to the daisy-patterned plates I got you?

0:17:570:18:01

Oh, those were for everyday?

0:18:010:18:04

We were saving them for a special occasion.

0:18:040:18:07

Oh, here they are, right at the back.

0:18:070:18:09

You know, you should make this table the focal point of the room.

0:18:110:18:15

Otherwise, your eye goes directly to that throw,

0:18:150:18:18

which I think would make a much better table cloth.

0:18:180:18:22

-Susan...

-Not now, Scott. When she's in this mood you might lose an arm.

0:18:220:18:28

You two are young,

0:18:280:18:29

you have to think outside the box when you're decorating.

0:18:290:18:34

Mum, you don't have to do this.

0:18:340:18:36

It's my pleasure.

0:18:360:18:38

You see, even this chair is in the wrong place.

0:18:380:18:41

You see, the energy has to come through the door

0:18:430:18:47

and disperse evenly throughout the space.

0:18:470:18:51

You two should let me come over and Feng Shui this place.

0:18:510:18:53

Trust me, if there's one thing in this room that shouldn't be here, it throws everything off.

0:18:530:19:00

You don't say.

0:19:000:19:02

For example,

0:19:020:19:05

where do you think you should stick this yucca?

0:19:050:19:07

(Michael, no.)

0:19:070:19:10

-Ben?

-Umm.

0:19:250:19:27

Ben.

0:19:320:19:33

OK, boys, let's have one for the road, eh?

0:19:330:19:36

Whoa! Oh, hi, Susan.

0:19:360:19:39

-Had a little party last night?

-Um, ha!

0:19:410:19:45

Yeah, we had a little, um, well, I wouldn't call it little.

0:19:450:19:48

It certainly wasn't a Chinese takeaway.

0:19:480:19:51

Well, clean up your mess. It's my turn to stay here.

0:19:510:19:54

-Yeah.

-And if you call, don't expect me to be around.

0:19:540:19:58

-It's the anniversary party tonight.

-Well, have fun.

0:19:580:20:01

I assume you're still not going?

0:20:010:20:03

-Are you kidding? I'll still have a hangover.

-Fine.

0:20:030:20:06

Whoa, yeah, baby, what a night.

0:20:060:20:11

Little tip, Ben.

0:20:130:20:14

Next time you throw a pretend party, use someone else's underwear.

0:20:140:20:18

These are mine.

0:20:180:20:20

Oh, and that's my lipstick on your collar.

0:20:200:20:24

I want you now.

0:20:300:20:32

I think there's something I need to admit to you. Um...

0:20:320:20:35

It's been a long time since I've been intimate with anyone and, er,

0:20:350:20:40

I'm a little bit worried about tonight.

0:20:400:20:43

Oh, relax, Roger, it's just like riding a bike.

0:20:430:20:47

I can't ride a bike.

0:20:470:20:49

-Then it's just like swimming.

-No.

0:20:490:20:53

What can you do?

0:20:530:20:55

I can do a passable Frank Spencer.

0:20:550:20:57

-Who?

-Michael Crawford?

-AS FRANK SPENCER:

-Hee-hee-ooh-ooh!

0:20:570:21:01

-Could you not?

-All right, but it's your loss.

0:21:020:21:05

KNOCKING

0:21:080:21:11

KNOCKING CONTINUES

0:21:120:21:14

No!

0:21:200:21:21

Roger, come on. I've nowhere else to go.

0:21:210:21:23

What about Michael or Janey's?

0:21:230:21:25

-They haven't got cable.

-Tonight's the night, it's me and Fiona.

0:21:250:21:29

Oh, right, good, well... Hi, Fiona.

0:21:290:21:32

-Sorry, hope I'm not interrupting.

-Oh, not at all, Ben.

0:21:320:21:35

-It's nice to see you.

-Yes, yes, Ben.

0:21:350:21:38

It's a lovely surprise.

0:21:380:21:40

Very nasty weather out there.

0:21:440:21:46

-Yes. It is, isn't it? Yes, yes.

-Yes.

0:21:460:21:50

Yes. Look, I don't want this to be awkward, but Fiona and I are going to excuse ourselves.

0:21:500:21:56

-Oh, really?

-Yes.

0:21:560:21:59

Ah, OK, yes, for... Pretend I'm not here.

0:21:590:22:02

Oh...

0:22:110:22:12

Roger, there's nothing in the fridge.

0:22:150:22:17

Roger?

0:22:200:22:22

Is there anything? I'm starving.

0:22:220:22:24

Ooh, Betty, I'm having a bit of trouble.

0:22:240:22:27

I've just lost my appetite.

0:22:280:22:31

-Dad?

-Janey.

-Dad...

-What are you two doing here?

0:22:310:22:34

-Dad, we need to talk. It's important.

-It's about you and Mum.

0:22:340:22:37

Oh, I know kids, I know, I know it's difficult for you that Mum and I have separated, but you know, hey...

0:22:370:22:43

It's not your fault, all right?

0:22:430:22:45

Well, it's partly your fault because were quite happy before you came along.

0:22:450:22:50

Look, Dad, you can't just throw it away, OK?

0:22:500:22:52

You and Mum, you're meant to be together.

0:22:520:22:55

Your love's too strong, your bond's too deep.

0:22:550:22:57

-Also, we can't have her over all the time.

-It's a living nightmare.

0:22:570:23:00

Yeah, I'm sure, but I...

0:23:000:23:02

I'm thinking of giving up my part of the house, letting your mother have the house full-time.

0:23:020:23:07

-Really?

-Yeah.

-Wow.

0:23:070:23:09

Then that stuff we just said about you and mum? Forget it.

0:23:090:23:13

-Que sera sera.

-Yeah.

0:23:130:23:15

Hang on, I'm going to have to spend a few weeks with each of you in turn.

0:23:150:23:18

But you and mum are soul mates.

0:23:180:23:20

-You two belong together.

-I mean, mum may seem really, really, really happy now, but deep down she isn't.

0:23:200:23:27

-She's lost without you.

-She's at that anniversary party right now.

0:23:270:23:31

You need to get down there and fight for your marriage.

0:23:310:23:34

Michael, really, I do have my pride, OK?

0:23:340:23:35

Until your mother apologises to me in person, there's no way on

0:23:350:23:38

this earth that I will be even in the same room as that woman.

0:23:380:23:42

# The power of the music of the night... #

0:23:420:23:47

Oh, Frank!

0:23:470:23:48

I'm doing this for you kids, OK? Come on.

0:23:480:23:51

It would work a lot better if you brought a shovel and a bag.

0:24:070:24:11

I'm just a bit peckish.

0:24:110:24:13

That's what 30 years of your cooking does to a man.

0:24:130:24:16

Hello, Ben.

0:24:160:24:17

-Hello, Susan.

-What are you doing here?

0:24:170:24:20

-Free world, I can do whatever I want.

-Typical.

0:24:200:24:23

When I wanted you to come, you wouldn't.

0:24:230:24:25

Now, I don't want you here, you're here. I think you should leave.

0:24:250:24:28

Excuse me, you're not my boss anymore. I'm single, OK.

0:24:280:24:31

And word gets around, the stallion's out of the paddock.

0:24:310:24:34

Look at your friend over there, checking me out.

0:24:340:24:36

Samantha's got a detached retina, Ben.

0:24:360:24:38

She thinks you're the chocolate fountain.

0:24:380:24:41

Hello, George.

0:24:450:24:47

Ben!

0:24:470:24:48

Susan said you weren't coming.

0:24:480:24:50

We were afraid we'd ordered too much shrimp.

0:24:500:24:53

Oh, no, fine, it's fine.

0:24:530:24:55

60 years, eh, George?

0:24:550:24:57

That's quite an accomplishment.

0:24:570:24:59

Oh, thank you, thank you.

0:24:590:25:00

I cherish every morning I wake up with Lillian.

0:25:000:25:03

I'm sure. At your age, George,

0:25:030:25:05

I imagine you cherish every morning you wake up.

0:25:050:25:09

Um... But 60 years.

0:25:090:25:11

I mean, you know, that's quite an achievement. How do you do it?

0:25:110:25:15

Well, it's easy.

0:25:150:25:16

We're friends, we're companions.

0:25:160:25:18

-We share a wide range of activities together.

-Oh, yeah.

0:25:180:25:21

Eh, eh, George, activities, eh, eh?

0:25:210:25:25

If that kitchen table could only talk.

0:25:250:25:28

Go on.

0:25:300:25:33

Well, the other week Lillian made a cracking plum chutney.

0:25:330:25:37

Is that code for something?

0:25:410:25:43

Oh, yes.

0:25:440:25:45

Canasta, Bridge and cribbage.

0:25:450:25:48

Yes, but on your honeymoon night?

0:25:480:25:51

Well, you have to remember it was 1950,

0:25:510:25:54

and Canasta was considered quite exotic.

0:25:540:25:58

Lillian, let me ask you something.

0:25:580:26:01

How do you patch things up after a blazing row?

0:26:010:26:04

Oh, but we never argue.

0:26:040:26:06

-Not once?

-Not really.

0:26:060:26:09

We always find there's nothing that can't be solved

0:26:090:26:13

with a nice cup of tea and a fresh Jaffa Cake.

0:26:130:26:17

George, surely you must argue?

0:26:200:26:24

No, no, not really.

0:26:240:26:26

Oh, there was that one time when Lillian wanted me to take the M4

0:26:260:26:31

and I wanted to stay on the A40.

0:26:310:26:34

That was a hell of a hullabaloo, I can tell you.

0:26:340:26:37

He's always been very generous in the bedroom.

0:26:410:26:44

Yes, I have to admit, Ben's like that.

0:26:440:26:47

He brings me up a cup of cocoa every night.

0:26:470:26:50

Oh, no, Ben's not like that.

0:26:500:26:53

Excuse me, I think George wants to dance.

0:26:530:26:57

Yeah, that's lovely, lovely.

0:27:020:27:05

Lovely. Heart warming sight, eh?

0:27:050:27:07

-Yes, sweet. Young love.

-Yes, what a testament to cod liver oil.

-Yes.

0:27:070:27:12

-They seem so happy.

-Mmm, I know.

0:27:120:27:15

-And so boring.

-I know, did you get that too?

0:27:150:27:18

I know we have our problems.

0:27:180:27:20

You make me angry, you frustrate me, you beat me down at times. But you're never, never boring.

0:27:200:27:24

I know, I know. You infuriate me, you rub me up the wrong way, but you know my darling, life is never dull.

0:27:240:27:29

-God, I've missed you these past few days.

-I've missed you too.

0:27:290:27:32

We have something they don't have.

0:27:320:27:34

-Functioning bladders.

-Yes. No, passion!

-Passion, passion.

0:27:340:27:37

We have to recognise that we are what we are and I love you in spite of all your faults.

0:27:370:27:42

Your many...many...many...

0:27:420:27:44

Yes, thank you, all right, OK, OK.

0:27:440:27:46

-Let's go home.

-Let's go home. I just want you to know now,

0:27:460:27:50

it's just you and me, Susan.

0:27:500:27:52

And I will never ever leave your side.

0:27:520:27:55

Ooh, chocolate cake!

0:27:550:27:57

-How do you feel?

-Oh, fantastic.

0:28:010:28:04

-You?

-Ah, what?

0:28:040:28:07

Well, that's the best ever.

0:28:070:28:09

These pocket springs are so supportive.

0:28:120:28:15

I can't believe there are no payments until next year.

0:28:160:28:20

I know, it's brilliant!

0:28:200:28:21

-Hate you.

-Hate you too.

0:28:250:28:27

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0:28:450:28:48

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0:28:480:28:51

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