Episode 3 Never Mind the Buzzcocks


Episode 3

Comedian Jack Dee presents. Team captains Phill Jupitus and Noel Fielding are joined by Eliza Doolittle, Charlie Higson, Katy Brand and Jedward.


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Transcript


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This programme contains some strong language

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Hello, and welcome to the show.

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I'm Jack Dee. I'm now a father of teenagers, but I won't let that dictate how I run the show tonight.

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So let's all have some good fun, but keep it sensible.

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On Noel's team...

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# Say it ain't so

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# I will not go... #

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-..the greatest musical collaboration since Lennon met Chapman, it's Jedward.

-Hey, guys!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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She's got her own sketch show on ITV2, just after Jordan's show.

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It's not the best slot, but it makes Alex Reid happy. It's Katy Brand.

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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And on Phill's team tonight...

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# See you with a broken string... #

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..she's a shiny new pop starlet with a surname inspired by Justin Lee Collins' work diary.

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It's Eliza Doolittle!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Star of The Fast Show, here to appear on The Surprisingly Slow Show Until It's Been Brutally Edited,

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it's Charlie Higson.

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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So, we begin with Connections. Phill, Eliza and Charlie, have a look at this.

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# You can get delirious If you take life... #

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Interestingly, it hasn't been Chico Time since the clocks went forward - five years ago. It's Chico.

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# You can get delirious If you take life too serious

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# It's Chico time... #

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-# Sexuality... #

-For any younger viewers wondering what war,

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famine and injustice look like, here's the man that cured them all.

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It's Billy Bragg.

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# Your laws do not apply to me... #

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That was Chico with Chico Time and Billy Bragg with Sexuality, but what connects them?

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What connects Chico and Billy Bragg?

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Well done, Phill, you've correctly understood the question.

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Phill, you directed that video, didn't you?

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Er, yes. I was just actually looking at the still of myself there,

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seeing that actually, at the time, in the 1980s, I appeared to be a quite successful lesbian.

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I have to say that you, Phill and Charlie, you look like a very gay couple trying to adopt a daughter.

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But what do those lot look like?

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I think this lot looks more like a production of Oliver,

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styled by Vivienne Westwood.

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This team is amazing.

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Look how cool it looks, OK? Look at the... It's so cool.

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Never in my life have I looked more like a paedophile.

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I'm pretty sure I could get you in the back of my coffin.

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With the right sweets.

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I'm imagining Tutti Fruttis for you, and Jelly Tots for you.

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-OK. We love Jelly Beans.

-Well, you've given it away now!

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You aren't supposed to tell paedophiles what sweets you like.

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When we were younger, we used to have this book on strangers, and it was a really, really scary book.

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I was on the cover!

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No, they had some really, really strange man with glasses.

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-Did you learn from it? Did you find it useful?

-Yes.

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It was scary, and I was scared from it.

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Still worked with Louis Walsh, though, didn't you?

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Can I draw everyone's attention to the fact that Charlie Higson appears to be Tweeting?

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I am. I'm just updating my Twitter feed.

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"I can't believe I'm on Buzzcocks with Jedward. It's going well."

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Yeah, well...

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-You're a big Tweeter, aren't you? You like to Twit. Tweet.

-Yeah. Our Twitter's @planetjedward.

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John took a picture of me when I was, like, asleep in bed.

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We Tweet the most random things. I woke up...

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Can John finish the sentence before you start the next one, please?

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It's like an auction!

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"John Tweeted, then I Tweeted, then John Tweeted, then I..."

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I've got a couple here, cos someone looked into the kind of things that you Tweet.

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"Had nightmares. Now awake Tweeting and eating carrots."

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Carrots are very nice.

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Apparently, you also Tweeted, "It's so weird this morning.

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-"Edward broke a

-bowel,

-and then the Coco Pops went everywhere."

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I always have spelling mistakes, OK? And they're always, like, "Oh, my God, what are they trying to say?"

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But then, our fans know that we're always, like, misspelling things.

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Can I suggest something? Everyone shuts up now,

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and we get on with the question that I asked half an hour ago?

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-Chico is going to be...

-Oh, my God, I forgot about that.

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Oh, nearly.

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You guys are just...

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Come on, persevere, persevere. You'll get something out.

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OK, you broke my heart in pieces.

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-Go on, Charlie. Yeah?

-Chico is in a very weird position...

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-Shut up!

-Yeah.

-Is it political?

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-Not really.

-Is Chico a communist?

-No, it's not. No, no, no. No.

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-Is it something they used to do before they were singers?

-Jobs. Was it jobs?

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-Did they share a career?

-Well, they had the same career.

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-Pet grooming?

-Oh, very close.

-Police pathologist?

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No, Charlie, no.

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They were both goat herders at one point.

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No, they weren't!

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Well, I'm afraid they were.

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The answer is they both worked as goat herders before they found fame,

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although only one of them is absolutely certain to take it up again professionally.

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Chico recently helped launch an anti-bullying campaign.

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And if you've been affected by any of tonight's issues, here's the number.

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And, guys, I've seen the autocue, so you might want to hang on to that.

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Oh, yeah, cos, like... Yeah. Oh, yeah.

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Noel, Jedward and Katie, would you have a look at this?

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# All around the world... #

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He shocked the music world by quitting rock to start a fashion line.

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"There's a turn-up," he said, before also correctly identifying a pocket and a pair of trousers.

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It's Liam Gallagher.

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# All around the world... #

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# ..moment like this... #

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He always had a special place in his heart for his favourite twins.

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Not Jedward, he means his actual tits. It's the thoroughly heterosexual Simon Cowell.

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# And people search forever

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# For that one special kiss... #

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That, of course, was Simon Cowell. We also saw Oasis with All Around The World.

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But what connects Simon Cowell with Liam Gallagher?

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-OK, there's...

-I thought you might know.

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There is actually so many different things.

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-One will do.

-What do you think, Katy?

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I'm slightly disturbed, cos whenever that music comes on

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-with the sort of black and white montage of anyone, I suddenly find them quite attractive.

-Do you?

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-Yes.

-Most footage of Hitler is in black and white.

-Well...

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It's not something I want to... Yeah.

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There's a lot of negativity going round right now, people comparing Simon Cowell to Hitler, OK?

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I think he's pretty cool.

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You see, it's lines out of context like that that gets everyone in trouble.

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Exactly!

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-I love that window into the way you're processing this show.

-I don't know what's going on.

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Eliza Doolittle, now, you said that you would never go on X Factor. What's going on there?

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Well, the only reason is cos I love writing, and as far as I know,

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what you can see from what the people who do come off the show don't really...

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-Can't write.

-..write music, or it doesn't seem like they write music.

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-It seems like they just...

-No, fair enough. No, that's... Yeah. Yeah.

-We totally agree.

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Do you?

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Cos I think I've got a lot in common with you, cos you also list your likes

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as "bubbles in my tummy, smiles and laughing".

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That's me all over.

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So, what do you reckon? What's the connection between Simon Cowell and Liam Gallagher?

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Were they both goat herds?

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-Probably, at some point.

-Well, they're both the same height.

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-Who's going to win in a fight?

-Is it that they've both recovered from lupus?

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-They both have cool hairstyles.

-What would you know?

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-Did they both invent the Pritt Stick at the same time?

-No.

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-I know, I know!

-"They're human beings"!

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I actually know. They've both met the Queen.

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They've both met the Queen. What?

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-No, in actual fact they've both judged dog shows.

-Dog shows?

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In Jedward's defence, that connection is not necessarily any better than some of the ones...

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No, I agree, but it was there, and obviously, if you knew music like I do, you would have known that.

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I went to a dog race before.

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-You went to a dog race?

-You know the dog races, and you're, like...

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I think me and him one time bet money on it, OK?

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And we were below the age, OK?

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But we still did it anyway. And then... What do you do?

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The one that always goes to the...

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I don't know. Yeah, before the race, kind of somehow always wins.

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Well, it's been a super anecdote, but we have to move on.

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The answer is they've both judged dog shows.

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Liam sat on the Pup Idol panel at his local pub, while Cowell judged an RSPCA dog show in Brighton.

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The RSPCA were delighted with the event, but a spokesman said

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it was a shame Simon's prize-winning puppies had stayed under his sweater.

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Cowell has promised to leave some of his fortune to a dogs' home.

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His children won't be happy. Oh, wait, that's right, I forgot.

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He'd love to have children,

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but there's currently no time in his busy schedule to instinctively fancy women.

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next up, it's the Intros round.

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So, Phill and Eliza, here are yours for Charlie.

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-There are your intros, please.

-Thank you very much.

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-OK.

-Hang about. "It's the Intros round. Hooray."

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Oh, OK. OK, go on, then.

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# Diddle-iddle diddle-iddle diddle-iddle diddle-iddle...

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# Diddle-iddle diddle-iddle diddle-iddle...

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# Der-der-der!

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# Diddle-iddle... #

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"Eliza is making a strangely exciting noise.

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"Am distracted."

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# Dum-dum

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# Dum, dum-dum, dum-dum

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# Dum-dum-dum-dum... #

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I have to admit, I've got the answer in front of me, and I do not know what they're doing.

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I could listen to it for hours.

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-It's very interesting.

-It goes on forever!

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Piano'll go...

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# Diddle-iddle diddle-iddle... #

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That's the clue to the fingers there.

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-Let her do the diddle-diddle-diddle.

-I'm happy to just do the fingers.

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You guys got to work together. You need to focus, OK?

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SHUT UP!

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Eliza!

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-I haven't the slightest idea what it is.

-I'll give you a clue.

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Can I give you a clue? What would you do, Charlie Higson, for love?

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What would you do?

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I'd Do Anything (But I Wouldn't Do That). By Meat Loaf.

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I Would Do Anything For Love. Yes, he got it. He did actually get it!

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He did actually get that. Oh, yes. And here's how it should have sounded.

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INTRO PLAYS

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I have to say that we are very thrilled to have Charlie Higson here,

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because I was going to mention his new book, which is an absolutely terrific read.

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I know that a lot of people love it.

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Oh, sorry. How did that happen?

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Sorry. No, that's Charlie Higson's new book.

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Let's go on with one more. Phill and Eliza, one more, please.

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-All right?

-Mm-hm.

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One, two, three, four...

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# Dow na-na-na-na-na-na Now na-na-na-na

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# Now na-na Now na-na

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# Now na-now-na-na-na

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# Dig-a-dow

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# Na-na-na-na Dow-dow-dow-da-da

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# Dun-der-der-der Dow-dow-dow da-dow

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# Dun-der-der Dow-dow-dow-dow

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# Dow-dow-dow-dung-dung

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# Dow-dow-dow da-da! #

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It's got some heavy guitars in it.

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-Yeah.

-Mm, I like that. It was really rocking.

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Yours sounded a bit like a mandolin. Is there a mandolin? Or was that a slightly weedy electric guitar?

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That was just my version of an electric guitar!

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-That's a tough one.

-It is a tough one.

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-We know it.

-Probably more up your street, knowing what I know about you.

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I think you probably would have had this.

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Yes, it's the Sex Pistols.

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Not Holidays in the Sun, is it? No.

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-Oh, no, it's not. It's...

-We know it!

-God Save The Queen by the Sex Pistols.

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It says in my notes that this is how it should have sounded,

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but of course, what it should have sounded like is the national anthem.

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This is God Save The Queen by the Sex Pistols.

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INTRO PLAYS

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Yeah!

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We knew the song.

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You didn't, but I did know the song.

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# God save the Queen... #

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So, we heard Meat Loaf with I Would Do Anything For Love.

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Meat Loaf is part Cherokee Indian.

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Interestingly, his Indian name is Running Back For Seconds.

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And God Save the Queen by the Sex Pistols.

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Many have accused Johnny Rotten of selling out after his appearance in adverts for Country Life butter.

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Jedward have never lost their credibility, and refuse to sell anything.

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-Even records.

-Yes.

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Although, to be fair, Jack, their album's the biggest-selling album this year.

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-Was it?

-Yep.

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-In Ireland!

-In Ireland.

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And Papua New Guinea, so two big markets there.

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Well done. Well done, guys. So, Noel and Jedward, here are yours for Katy. So here you go.

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Oh, my God, it's shiny! Katy, are you ready?

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-I think I'm ready, guys.

-All these songs have been made famous by Jedward.

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If you do what we did in the room earlier, we can all have some Angel Delight later.

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# Are you ready?

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# Yes. #

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All right, hang on. Concentrate. It's like a simpleton Bros.

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One, two, three, go.

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# Dun-dun-dun diddle-oon dun

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# Dun-dun-dun diddle-oon dun Dun-dun-dun diddle-oon dun

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# Baow baow

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# Dun dun dun diddle-oon dun Dun-dun-dun diddle-oon dun

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# Baow baow

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# Dun-dun-dun diddle-oon dun Dun-dun-dun diddle-oon dun

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# Dun-dun-dun diddle-oon dun. #

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I'm in Jedward! Fuck you!

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-Do I stop this?

-Please.

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Jack, I think I know what it is.

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Go on, Katy. What is it? Do tell.

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-No, I know, I know.

-Remember...

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SHUT UP!

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Katy.

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I think it's Under Pressure (Ice Ice Baby).

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It is, you've got correct point, absolutely accurate.

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Here's how it should have sounded.

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INTRO PLAYS

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Worst boy band ever.

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Can we have the next song, please.

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OK, moving on. OK, ready for this amazing performance, OK?

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-You ready?

-Yeah.

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OK, you ready?

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Stop eating paper.

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Katy's had an aneurism!

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Ladies and gentlemen, it's very important

0:16:300:16:34

that you send what you can to have Katy Brand freed from this quiz.

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OK, we want to create the atmosphere, OK.

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-You do it straight away.

-OK, let's do this, OK.

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We're creating the atmosphere, OK? Aaagh! Aaagh! Aaagh!

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Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.

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Wait. Hold up for a second.

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I've got a gun, and I'm going to bust you.

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Are you creating atmosphere in the way that the guy who ran into Columbine created an atmosphere?

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# Do-do do-do-do do-do

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# Do-do-do-do-do do-do

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# Do-do do-do-do do-do... #

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Ready, ready?

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I can't get down that low, my trousers are too tight.

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Hey, move over.

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# Doo-doo, doo-doo... #

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-Where's your little "diddle eh-oh eh-oh?"

-I got a bit excited. I'm on a desk.

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-I think I know what it is.

-Please, Katy, do tell us.

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I think it might be Ghostbusters.

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It is Ghostbusters. It is, it is.

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Well done, well done.

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So rewarding to be able to watch people be able to perform and maintain their integrity.

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-Here's how it should have sounded.

-We're in the wrong seats.

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INTRO PLAYS

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How can you tell?

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-# Diddle eh-oh eh-oh

-Ghostbusters! #

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If there's something strange in the neighbourhood.

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# If there's something strange in the neighbourhood

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# Who you gonna call? Ghostbusters!

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# If there's something weird and it don't look good

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# Who you going to call? #

0:18:120:18:14

Does anyone remember when I used to host sometimes Have I Got News For You?

0:18:220:18:28

So, that was Jedward with Ghostbusters.

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Ghostbusters' original singer, Ray Parker Jr, has recently been seen on television advertising 118 118.

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A chilling glimpse into the future, eh, boys?

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And he was the ORIGINAL artist.

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At the end of that round, and I use the term loosely,

0:18:440:18:48

Phill's team have two, and Noel's team also have two.

0:18:480:18:52

-Lots of slapping of hands over there.

-High-fives.

0:19:000:19:04

How about faces next?

0:19:040:19:05

Round three is the identity parade.

0:19:090:19:11

Phill, Eliza and Charlie, how about some early '90s novelty pop?

0:19:110:19:15

For the audience only, here is Pat and Mick.

0:19:150:19:18

# Everybody

0:19:180:19:20

# All you people gather round

0:19:200:19:22

# I'm going to use it up

0:19:240:19:26

# I'm gonna wear it out

0:19:260:19:28

# Ain't nothing else in this whole world I care about

0:19:280:19:32

# One, two, three Shake your body down. #

0:19:350:19:37

That was Pat and Mick with Use It Up And Wear It Out.

0:19:370:19:40

But which of our line-up is Mick Brown?

0:19:400:19:43

Is it number one, use it up and wear it out?

0:19:430:19:46

Number two, roll it up and throw it away.

0:19:460:19:51

Number three, take it back and ask for a refund.

0:19:510:19:54

Number four, never shop here again.

0:19:560:19:58

Or Pat Sharp?

0:20:010:20:02

-So it's not five.

-It's not five, we don't think.

0:20:110:20:15

-Right,

-OK.

-So have we got to work out which one isn't Pat Sharp?

0:20:150:20:20

No, no, Pat Sharp is five. Gentleman broadcaster.

0:20:200:20:23

We've got to find Mick.

0:20:230:20:25

I don't want to lay on the pressure, but I'd just like to say at this point, if it's relevant,

0:20:250:20:29

that I know exactly who it is.

0:20:290:20:30

I know who all five of them are, but I'm not going to say.

0:20:300:20:33

I know number four, cos I'm friends with him on Facebook.

0:20:330:20:37

I don't like to ask, and it seems a little impertinent, but have you poked him?

0:20:420:20:46

-With my fingers.

-Oh please, stop.

0:20:490:20:52

Didn't Pat Sharp use to have mad hair?

0:20:520:20:56

It was not mad! It was luxuriant, sir.

0:20:560:20:59

Beautiful. He looked like a Norse god.

0:20:590:21:01

-Are you going to make a guess?

-What?

-Are you going to make a guess?

0:21:010:21:05

It's a nice respite,

0:21:050:21:06

the longer this round goes on. I don't want to say anything, Jack.

0:21:060:21:11

I get your meaning, Phill, I get your drift.

0:21:110:21:13

-You keep it going, it's relaxing.

-We cannot be silenced.

-Ugh.

0:21:130:21:16

It's like the mother of two naughty children.

0:21:160:21:20

People knocking at the door, going, "Your kids are absolute dicks."

0:21:200:21:25

And I'm going, "They're good boys, really.

0:21:250:21:27

"When they're asleep. Look at them."

0:21:270:21:30

We actually are really good.

0:21:300:21:32

You have a delightful and alluring naivety,

0:21:320:21:35

but within the context of this quiz, you do make Dappy look like Stephen Fry.

0:21:350:21:38

That was a compliment. Are we going to have a guess?

0:21:490:21:53

-We're not having a guess. We know! It's number two.

-Number two.

0:21:530:21:57

Well, let's find out. Would the real Mick Brown please step forward?

0:21:570:22:01

Mick Brown.

0:22:060:22:07

Now hosting the drivetime show on southwest London's Radio Jackie,

0:22:100:22:13

it's Mick Brown, ladies and gentlemen.

0:22:130:22:15

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:22:150:22:17

Noel and Jedward and Katy, how about some mid-'90s dance music? For the audience only, here is Pianoman.

0:22:230:22:30

# Girls who are boys

0:22:300:22:31

# Who like boys to be girls

0:22:310:22:33

# Who do boys like they're girls

0:22:330:22:34

# Who do girls like they're boys

0:22:340:22:37

# Girls who are boys Who like boys to be girls

0:22:370:22:40

# Who do boys like they're girls

0:22:400:22:42

# Who do girls like they're boys. #

0:22:420:22:45

That was Pianoman with Blurred, but which of our line-up is James Sammon, also known as Pianoman?

0:22:450:22:51

Is it number one, James Salmon.

0:22:510:22:54

Number two, split kipper.

0:22:540:22:57

Number three, prawn balls.

0:22:570:22:59

Number four, little winkle.

0:22:590:23:02

Or Pat Sharpe?

0:23:020:23:04

Why are four of them bald and one of them has hair?

0:23:110:23:14

Because, John, one of them's Pat Sharp.

0:23:140:23:17

That's the joke of this round, that former DJ Pat Sharp...

0:23:170:23:21

I know, he's cool.

0:23:210:23:23

I know, but he's in both the line-ups, it's like a joke.

0:23:230:23:26

-I know, I was thinking... Oh, yeah.

-Thank you for explaining that, Katie.

0:23:260:23:31

I think if I had had to explain it, I would have been sick.

0:23:310:23:35

-Do you want to swap for a while?

-Yeah, why not?

0:23:350:23:38

Come on, little fella.

0:23:450:23:47

Come and sit with your Uncle Phillip.

0:23:470:23:49

I love you both, but you're bringing on a panic attack.

0:23:490:23:53

Really? Really?

0:23:550:23:57

I just wanted Phill to get the Jedward experience.

0:23:570:24:00

-Phill, do you know which one Pianoman is?

-No, but I know who Pat Sharp is, my friend.

0:24:000:24:04

I've got an idea. What about if Jedward joined the line-up?

0:24:040:24:07

Would that be a good idea? Who'd want to see that?

0:24:070:24:10

-You can have Pat Sharp on your team instead.

-Yes, yes!

0:24:100:24:15

CHEERING

0:24:150:24:18

Shall we go for it?

0:24:180:24:19

I don't want to.

0:24:190:24:21

Join the line-up. You saw what they did in the line-up.

0:24:210:24:25

Come on, Jedward, come with Daddy.

0:24:270:24:29

Stand next to each other.

0:24:320:24:34

Hold the five.

0:24:340:24:37

There's been another hostile takeover.

0:24:380:24:40

Pat Sharp, as befits a man of his stature, is now team captain.

0:24:400:24:44

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:24:440:24:46

As befits a man of my stature, I have two seats.

0:24:530:24:56

It only took 14 years, but finally I'm comfortable.

0:24:580:25:02

Guys, you know what you need? You need sunglasses. Pat, may I?

0:25:020:25:06

Yeah, absolutely.

0:25:060:25:07

This is what we need, hang on.

0:25:070:25:10

This is going to work.

0:25:120:25:14

OK, Jackie.

0:25:140:25:16

-I'm going to break this in half, so you have half each.

-Jedward are pirates.

0:25:160:25:20

Can I just say, someone has just told me that Pat Sharp is blind, and I feel terribly bad.

0:25:300:25:34

-Katy, have you got any ideas?

-Shall we put it out there and just say, let's maybe go for number one.

0:25:390:25:45

Number one. Pat, are you happy with that?

0:25:450:25:48

I feel number one more than five, yeah.

0:25:480:25:52

-Let's find out. Would the real James Sammon please step forward?

-Check out the fingers.

0:25:520:25:57

It is!

0:25:570:25:58

APPLAUSE

0:25:580:26:03

Still works as a dance music producer, it's James Sammon, ladies and gentlemen. Thanks very much.

0:26:030:26:09

Thank you to Pat Sharp, our guest captain. And could everyone just return to their seats, please?

0:26:120:26:19

Thank you, Pat. Bring the boys back. Come on, guys.

0:26:190:26:23

Well done.

0:26:250:26:27

It's Next Lines time.

0:26:320:26:35

Noel's team over this side, it's you first. Everybody in love.

0:26:350:26:39

Put your hands up.

0:26:390:26:41

Nearly. Go on, put your hands up.

0:26:410:26:42

JLS, Everybody In Love.

0:26:420:26:46

God save the queen.

0:26:460:26:47

She ain't no human being.

0:26:470:26:50

Actually, no. The fascist regime. Sex Pistols.

0:26:500:26:53

What time is it?

0:26:530:26:55

-Chico time.

-Yeah, Chico time.

0:26:550:26:58

I don't care what the whisperers say.

0:26:580:27:00

They whisper too loud for me.

0:27:000:27:02

Eliza Doolittle, well done, you got it.

0:27:020:27:04

Warm face, warm 'ands, warm feet.

0:27:040:27:07

-Oh wouldn't it be loverly.

-Oh wouldn't it be loverly.

0:27:070:27:10

-Eliza... You've made lots of songs.

-That's not mine.

0:27:100:27:12

Eliza Doolittle, it says. From My Fair Lady.

0:27:120:27:15

If you could walk with the animals, talk with the animals...

0:27:150:27:18

THEY LAUGH

0:27:220:27:24

-I don't know this.

-You should, this is Dr Dolittle, that's your dad.

0:27:240:27:28

He's actually my uncle. My uncle.

0:27:280:27:32

END OF ROUND BUZZER

0:27:320:27:35

Phill's now got nine points,

0:27:400:27:42

and Noel's team here on this side, I know it's confusing, have three points.

0:27:420:27:48

Which means, you need seven to win.

0:27:480:27:50

Who let the dogs out?

0:27:500:27:52

# Who let the dogs out? Who, who, who, who? #

0:27:520:27:55

Yes, I'll do that.

0:27:550:27:57

Stop, collaborate and listen.

0:27:570:27:59

# Stop, collaborate and listen Jedward's back... #

0:27:590:28:01

-Or Ice is back with a brand new adventure.

-Don't just sing the words I've read out.

0:28:010:28:07

Vanilla Ice, Ice Ice Baby.

0:28:070:28:08

Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack.

0:28:080:28:10

Inside voices.

0:28:100:28:14

You're my mum, you're my dad, and you're my uncle now.

0:28:140:28:19

I would like a blood test.

0:28:190:28:21

If there's something strange in your neighbourhood. Who you gonna call?

0:28:240:28:27

The Samaritans.

0:28:270:28:29

-It's Ghostbusters.

-Ghostbusters, it is.

0:28:320:28:34

Two little boys had two little toys.

0:28:340:28:35

-Each had a wooden horse.

-Correct, Rolf Harris.

0:28:350:28:38

Shut up, shut up, just shut up.

0:28:380:28:41

# Shut up, just shut up, shut up. #

0:28:410:28:44

In that case you're right to repeat what I read, it's the Black Eyed Peas.

0:28:440:28:47

It's-a not-a so bad, it's a nice-a place.

0:28:470:28:50

Shadappa your face.

0:28:500:28:52

Please shut up.

0:28:520:28:55

-Are you trying to tell us something?

-Yeah.

-Finally!

0:28:560:29:00

It's not a song, it actually says, "Please shut up."

0:29:000:29:04

END OF ROUND BUZZER

0:29:040:29:07

The final scores are that we knew that Phill's erstwhile team,

0:29:120:29:16

now Noel's team, with the lovely Eliza and Charlie Higson had nine points.

0:29:160:29:21

And at the end of that, Noel's old team,

0:29:210:29:24

Phill's new team, have 11 points.

0:29:240:29:27

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:29:270:29:29

Thanks to Noel, Eliza and Charlie, Phill, Jedward and Katy.

0:29:350:29:39

This has been Never Mind The Buzzcocks,

0:29:390:29:41

and I'll leave you with this thought.

0:29:410:29:43

No, that's what Stephen Fry does. Now, there's a show I DO watch. Good night.

0:29:430:29:46

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:29:490:29:52

E-mail [email protected]

0:29:520:29:55

The anarchic, award-winning pop quiz returns with team captains Noel Fielding and Phill Jupitus. Guest presenter is comedian Jack Dee, with guests singer Eliza Doolittle, author Charlie Higson, comedian Katy Brand and X Factor twins Jedward.


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