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This programme contains some strong language | 0:00:05 | 0:00:12 | |
HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYS | 0:00:30 | 0:00:33 | |
GUNSHOT | 0:00:41 | 0:00:43 | |
ANOTHER SHOT | 0:00:44 | 0:00:45 | |
Oh, God! | 0:00:45 | 0:00:46 | |
GUNSHOT | 0:00:48 | 0:00:49 | |
Sorry, vicarage. | 0:00:51 | 0:00:52 | |
Colin, what are you doing? | 0:00:52 | 0:00:56 | |
The crack squirrels. | 0:00:56 | 0:00:58 | |
-What? -Squirrels on crack. | 0:00:58 | 0:01:00 | |
That one's had 50 quid's worth. | 0:01:00 | 0:01:02 | |
The dealers hide their stash under the bins, yeah, for easy access. Then the squirrels dig them up. | 0:01:02 | 0:01:07 | |
We'll have the firearms unit here. We'll be on the ten o'clock news. | 0:01:07 | 0:01:11 | |
If I don't take 'em out | 0:01:11 | 0:01:13 | |
these squirrels can get dangerous. They get cravings. | 0:01:13 | 0:01:16 | |
They get irritable and depressed and then they attack people. | 0:01:16 | 0:01:20 | |
Look, I've got dead squirrels on the grass now thanks to you. | 0:01:20 | 0:01:23 | |
But that wasn't me. | 0:01:23 | 0:01:25 | |
I haven't hit any of them yet. | 0:01:25 | 0:01:27 | |
Nah, you see, no entry or exit wound. | 0:01:28 | 0:01:32 | |
Overdose. | 0:01:33 | 0:01:34 | |
Here she is. | 0:01:37 | 0:01:39 | |
You'll love her. | 0:01:39 | 0:01:40 | |
-Who's this? -Abigail. | 0:01:40 | 0:01:41 | |
The archdeacon's got a curate who wants to join me for second curacy. | 0:01:41 | 0:01:45 | |
This is great. I'll be able to achieve a lot more | 0:01:45 | 0:01:47 | |
with another priest, push through more of my plans. | 0:01:47 | 0:01:50 | |
Yes, she's pretty, isn't she? Nice for you to have her around to help you. | 0:01:50 | 0:01:54 | |
No, Alex, this is good. | 0:01:54 | 0:01:55 | |
I'll be able to impart some of my wisdom. | 0:01:55 | 0:01:57 | |
Oh, I can see you imparting your wisdom at her. | 0:01:57 | 0:02:00 | |
Abi is one of our bright stars. | 0:02:00 | 0:02:02 | |
Very able, very, very able. | 0:02:02 | 0:02:04 | |
Highly intelligent, terrific communicator and a popular touch. | 0:02:04 | 0:02:08 | |
I think she'll really be able to help Adam out. | 0:02:08 | 0:02:10 | |
It would be good to have someone to talk to on my level. | 0:02:10 | 0:02:13 | |
Have you read her PhD on neo-orthodoxy and realistic dialectical theology? | 0:02:13 | 0:02:17 | |
It's impossible to put down. | 0:02:17 | 0:02:20 | |
-Was it? -Yes. | 0:02:20 | 0:02:21 | |
It's high time you were a training priest. | 0:02:21 | 0:02:23 | |
We've all been saying so for a while. | 0:02:23 | 0:02:25 | |
-Have you? -Oh, yes. We all have. | 0:02:25 | 0:02:27 | |
Oh, you can help her flourish, guide her, enable her. | 0:02:27 | 0:02:31 | |
Yes, I bet he will. | 0:02:31 | 0:02:33 | |
And Alexandra, a curate will be able to cover services | 0:02:33 | 0:02:37 | |
so you and Adam can have some much-needed quality time together. | 0:02:37 | 0:02:40 | |
Weekend in a boutique hotel. | 0:02:40 | 0:02:42 | |
In that case, I think she's completely brilliant. | 0:02:42 | 0:02:44 | |
-Appoint her immediately. -I'm sure we'll make a great team. | 0:02:44 | 0:02:47 | |
Yes. Thanks for the coffee. | 0:02:47 | 0:02:48 | |
Is that the new curate's book on neo-orthodoxy and dialectical theology? | 0:02:59 | 0:03:03 | |
Yeah. It's, well, cor... | 0:03:03 | 0:03:06 | |
I'm loving it. | 0:03:06 | 0:03:07 | |
I didn't think it was that well-structured. | 0:03:07 | 0:03:10 | |
I never quite know what anagogical means. Do you? | 0:03:10 | 0:03:12 | |
Anagogical? | 0:03:12 | 0:03:14 | |
She mis-uses it a couple of times. | 0:03:14 | 0:03:16 | |
Oh, don't be sour. She's clearly brilliant. She'll be here any minute. | 0:03:16 | 0:03:20 | |
Bet you the archdeacon's thrown a dead cat over the wall. | 0:03:20 | 0:03:23 | |
No, she's going to be great for us. | 0:03:23 | 0:03:26 | |
Father Winters had a curate recently of course, the notorious Karen. | 0:03:28 | 0:03:33 | |
She ran off with his wife. | 0:03:33 | 0:03:35 | |
Well, I'm sure Abigail won't try and seduce Alex. Good luck to her if she does. | 0:03:35 | 0:03:39 | |
Hi, you must be Abigail. | 0:03:45 | 0:03:48 | |
You must be Father Adam. Please, call me Abi. | 0:03:48 | 0:03:51 | |
Nigel. | 0:03:51 | 0:03:53 | |
Hi. | 0:03:53 | 0:03:54 | |
What a beautiful church. | 0:03:55 | 0:03:58 | |
It's an incredible space. It's got so much potential. | 0:03:58 | 0:04:01 | |
You should see the heating bills. | 0:04:01 | 0:04:03 | |
I love it here already. | 0:04:03 | 0:04:05 | |
I've been looking forward to meeting you so much. | 0:04:05 | 0:04:08 | |
-You've got such an amazing reputation. -Have I? | 0:04:08 | 0:04:11 | |
-The archdeacon said you were the best vicar in London. -No. Did he? | 0:04:11 | 0:04:15 | |
He's the best vicar in the country. | 0:04:15 | 0:04:18 | |
Unfortunately we're not in the country. We're in the city. | 0:04:18 | 0:04:21 | |
# Say the bells of Shoreditch. # | 0:04:23 | 0:04:26 | |
-It's the actual bell. -Oh. | 0:04:26 | 0:04:28 | |
Abi, it would be great to get you doing some bible study groups. | 0:04:28 | 0:04:32 | |
-Of course. -And I'm very much here for you | 0:04:32 | 0:04:34 | |
-if you want to bounce ideas around on those. -I'd love to bounce with you. | 0:04:34 | 0:04:38 | |
-Er, er, well, I'm just looking forward to discovering what you're good at. -Right. | 0:04:38 | 0:04:42 | |
Perhaps Abi could help you reorganise the vestry. | 0:04:42 | 0:04:45 | |
Get it working properly as an office like you've always threatened. | 0:04:45 | 0:04:48 | |
-Yes, that would be good. -Sure. Happily. | 0:04:48 | 0:04:51 | |
Oh... | 0:04:51 | 0:04:52 | |
We should put all your sermons up on your website as sound files. | 0:04:52 | 0:04:56 | |
Can you do that? | 0:04:56 | 0:04:58 | |
It should be Twitter linked. | 0:04:58 | 0:04:59 | |
-We could link it up to my followers if you like. -Yes. | 0:04:59 | 0:05:02 | |
Have you got those Twitter people? | 0:05:02 | 0:05:05 | |
Mmm. A few hundred cos of my book | 0:05:05 | 0:05:08 | |
but tell me more about the parish, and what's the five-year plan? | 0:05:08 | 0:05:11 | |
Sorry, the mission action plan. | 0:05:13 | 0:05:15 | |
Er, yeah. Er, Nigel why haven't we got that written up yet? | 0:05:15 | 0:05:19 | |
-Cos you haven't thought about it. -No, I have, thank you. | 0:05:19 | 0:05:22 | |
I imagine you're far too busy to be distracted by paper exercises when you could be out in the parish. | 0:05:22 | 0:05:28 | |
Yes, that's right. No. | 0:05:28 | 0:05:30 | |
Oh, I've got something I wanted to give you. | 0:05:30 | 0:05:33 | |
I have got two free passes to the Green Belt Festival next weekend. | 0:05:33 | 0:05:39 | |
Glastonbury for Christians. You don't do to that? | 0:05:39 | 0:05:42 | |
Yes. | 0:05:42 | 0:05:43 | |
It's really cool and fun. Trust me. You'll enjoy it. | 0:05:43 | 0:05:46 | |
There's different music and people talking. They always have Peter Tatchell. | 0:05:46 | 0:05:50 | |
-Haven't you got friends you'd like to go? -Sure, but I'd like you to have them. | 0:05:50 | 0:05:54 | |
They gave me comps because I fixed them Brian Cox as a guest speaker. | 0:05:54 | 0:05:58 | |
It really doesn't sound like my scene. | 0:05:58 | 0:06:00 | |
Oh, I'm sorry. | 0:06:00 | 0:06:02 | |
I meant for Adam and his wife. | 0:06:02 | 0:06:04 | |
You and Alex could have a weekend off. | 0:06:05 | 0:06:07 | |
Abi... | 0:06:07 | 0:06:09 | |
Great. Thanks. Alex will be thrilled. | 0:06:09 | 0:06:12 | |
Er, do you think you could come into the church | 0:06:12 | 0:06:15 | |
at seven o'clock this evening and let in the ladies' yoga class? | 0:06:15 | 0:06:20 | |
Yes, sure. Maybe I'll slip a prayer in just to start things off. | 0:06:20 | 0:06:23 | |
Don't worry, no-one will notice. I like meditation classes. | 0:06:23 | 0:06:26 | |
It's just fat mums doing yoga. | 0:06:26 | 0:06:29 | |
Abi's lovely, isn't she? | 0:06:30 | 0:06:31 | |
Couple of pints. | 0:06:33 | 0:06:34 | |
Home early to see Alex. | 0:06:34 | 0:06:36 | |
We had a nice chat. | 0:06:36 | 0:06:37 | |
She said I should try and cut down on the drink and smokes. | 0:06:37 | 0:06:40 | |
Turn me life around. | 0:06:40 | 0:06:41 | |
Right. Good for her. | 0:06:41 | 0:06:43 | |
WE'VE talked about that before, haven't we? | 0:06:44 | 0:06:46 | |
Yeah, but she really makes me want to do it. | 0:06:46 | 0:06:48 | |
And, she said I should think about getting confirmed sometime. | 0:06:48 | 0:06:51 | |
Do you want to get confirmed? | 0:06:51 | 0:06:53 | |
I'm not sure yet. I need to know more about it. | 0:06:53 | 0:06:56 | |
Have you been baptised? | 0:06:56 | 0:06:58 | |
I'm not sure. Is it likely? | 0:06:58 | 0:07:00 | |
Don't worry, we can do a conditional baptism either way. | 0:07:00 | 0:07:03 | |
Oh, great. Let's definitely do the baptism. | 0:07:03 | 0:07:06 | |
Can Abigail do it? | 0:07:06 | 0:07:07 | |
Well, it's my church, Colin. | 0:07:07 | 0:07:10 | |
I'd like to do it. | 0:07:10 | 0:07:11 | |
Oh, OK. | 0:07:11 | 0:07:13 | |
Do you want a squirrel? | 0:07:14 | 0:07:16 | |
What are you doing with them? | 0:07:16 | 0:07:17 | |
The dealers give me two quid for every one I kill. | 0:07:17 | 0:07:20 | |
Then I sell them on to Abdul at Kebab Universe. | 0:07:20 | 0:07:23 | |
My round next. | 0:07:23 | 0:07:24 | |
Let the weekend commence. | 0:07:30 | 0:07:32 | |
Can't believe we've got a weekend away. | 0:07:32 | 0:07:34 | |
What's all this stuff? | 0:07:34 | 0:07:36 | |
Who's coming with us? | 0:07:36 | 0:07:37 | |
I hope Abi can cope without me. | 0:07:37 | 0:07:39 | |
She's a grown curate. | 0:07:39 | 0:07:41 | |
Have you seen the forecast? | 0:07:41 | 0:07:42 | |
Rain and light drizzle and then rain. | 0:07:42 | 0:07:45 | |
Darling, you know what? I'm knackered. | 0:07:45 | 0:07:47 | |
I'm not sure that I want to spend the weekend with 20,000 fellow Christians in a field | 0:07:47 | 0:07:51 | |
with bad food, bad weather, pooing in a hole and nothing but cheap cider to make it bearable. | 0:07:51 | 0:07:56 | |
How about we just spend the weekend here together? A stay-cation. | 0:07:56 | 0:08:00 | |
Shut up, Granddad. I've been looking forward to it. | 0:08:00 | 0:08:03 | |
-We'll enjoy it when we get there. I promise. -OK then. | 0:08:03 | 0:08:07 | |
I hate sleeping in tents. | 0:08:17 | 0:08:19 | |
Why have we done this? | 0:08:19 | 0:08:21 | |
It's fun. This is great. | 0:08:21 | 0:08:23 | |
I heard you flush last night. | 0:08:26 | 0:08:29 | |
No, I didn't. | 0:08:29 | 0:08:30 | |
That's cheating. | 0:08:30 | 0:08:31 | |
We said this would be a proper festival at home so no loo flushing. | 0:08:31 | 0:08:35 | |
Very funny. | 0:08:35 | 0:08:36 | |
# Moving on up now | 0:08:36 | 0:08:38 | |
# Getting out of the darkness... # | 0:08:38 | 0:08:42 | |
If we're doing this properly can you get some cheap cider from the shop? | 0:08:42 | 0:08:45 | |
WEST COUNTRY ACCENT: Yes, my lover, yes. | 0:08:45 | 0:08:47 | |
CHOIR SINGS | 0:08:53 | 0:08:57 | |
# I am the Lord of the Dance said he | 0:08:57 | 0:08:59 | |
# And I'll lead you all... # | 0:08:59 | 0:09:01 | |
Love, peace, justice, tolerance | 0:09:01 | 0:09:05 | |
but above all, hope. | 0:09:05 | 0:09:07 | |
If we can follow the example of the girl in the story | 0:09:07 | 0:09:10 | |
then maybe we can have these things in our lives too. | 0:09:10 | 0:09:14 | |
And we can start to have them now. | 0:09:14 | 0:09:17 | |
DOOR SLAMS | 0:09:18 | 0:09:20 | |
Everything OK at the church? | 0:09:22 | 0:09:24 | |
I didn't go to the church. | 0:09:24 | 0:09:26 | |
It doesn't take an hour to buy two bottles of cider from the corner. | 0:09:26 | 0:09:30 | |
I just put my head in. | 0:09:30 | 0:09:32 | |
Thought I better see if they could cope without me. | 0:09:32 | 0:09:35 | |
Can they? | 0:09:35 | 0:09:36 | |
Yeah. Yeah. | 0:09:36 | 0:09:38 | |
Abi's very up all the time. I wouldn't be surprised if she's manic depressive. | 0:09:40 | 0:09:44 | |
She's energetic so must be a manic depressive? | 0:09:44 | 0:09:46 | |
No, but there are a lot of depressives in the church. | 0:09:46 | 0:09:49 | |
She seems incredibly balanced and competent to me. | 0:09:49 | 0:09:51 | |
More than anyone else I've met in your world. I think she's great. She's got me a weekend with you. | 0:09:51 | 0:09:56 | |
She can be a bit conceited though, don't you think? | 0:09:56 | 0:09:59 | |
I thought you wouldn't talk about the church during the festival. | 0:09:59 | 0:10:02 | |
No. OK, we're going to get back to it. | 0:10:02 | 0:10:04 | |
Now, I want you to queue 20 minutes for one of these burgers | 0:10:04 | 0:10:08 | |
and then I'm going to make sure you get food poisoning. | 0:10:08 | 0:10:11 | |
Thanks. | 0:10:11 | 0:10:13 | |
I should have done it years ago, really. | 0:10:20 | 0:10:22 | |
What will I feel apart from a wet head? | 0:10:22 | 0:10:25 | |
You'll feel that God reached out to you with his love. | 0:10:25 | 0:10:28 | |
What does that feel like, then? | 0:10:28 | 0:10:30 | |
Well, on a good day, | 0:10:30 | 0:10:33 | |
that feels like heaven. | 0:10:33 | 0:10:34 | |
I feel at peace. | 0:10:36 | 0:10:37 | |
-I feel a real sense of connection to others. -Yeah. | 0:10:37 | 0:10:41 | |
An absence of anything bad. | 0:10:41 | 0:10:45 | |
And there are moments when... | 0:10:45 | 0:10:47 | |
..I almost feel like I'm surfing on a great wave of hope and love. | 0:10:48 | 0:10:53 | |
A bit like doing ecstasy? | 0:10:53 | 0:10:55 | |
No! | 0:10:55 | 0:10:57 | |
And most importantly, | 0:10:57 | 0:10:59 | |
you'll feel part of a huge, loving family. | 0:10:59 | 0:11:03 | |
So it's exactly like doing ecstasy, then? | 0:11:03 | 0:11:05 | |
No, it isn't. What I'm talking about is a permanent spiritual state that underpins my entire being. | 0:11:05 | 0:11:12 | |
What you're talking about is chemical, temporary, illegal and almost certainly harmful. | 0:11:12 | 0:11:19 | |
Have you ever taken any drugs? | 0:11:19 | 0:11:21 | |
No. I smoked dope once. | 0:11:21 | 0:11:24 | |
It's great, isn't it? | 0:11:24 | 0:11:26 | |
Have you ever had an E? | 0:11:26 | 0:11:27 | |
-No. -Oh, you've got to, Adam. You'd love it. | 0:11:27 | 0:11:31 | |
No, Colin. I'm not interested in any of that. | 0:11:31 | 0:11:33 | |
Well, what about those Mexican priests who get closer to God by sucking on a cactus? | 0:11:33 | 0:11:38 | |
-Peyote? -Yeah, they're very respected those priests, and they're always off their tits. | 0:11:38 | 0:11:43 | |
Mind-altering substances aren't that big in the Church of England. | 0:11:43 | 0:11:46 | |
Apart for drink. | 0:11:46 | 0:11:48 | |
All vicars drink loads. | 0:11:48 | 0:11:50 | |
And you smoke fags. | 0:11:50 | 0:11:52 | |
Them ones are fine. | 0:11:52 | 0:11:53 | |
No, they're not. | 0:11:53 | 0:11:55 | |
Right, I've got to go and see Abi now. | 0:11:57 | 0:11:59 | |
Oh, lovely Abi. Can I come? | 0:11:59 | 0:12:01 | |
Is it me or is she a bit full of herself? | 0:12:01 | 0:12:05 | |
No, she's an angel. | 0:12:05 | 0:12:06 | |
She came to the night shelter and she made two puddings. | 0:12:06 | 0:12:10 | |
You never do puddings. She did sponge and custard and trifle. | 0:12:10 | 0:12:15 | |
And she washed Goran's feet. | 0:12:15 | 0:12:17 | |
-Did she? -Yeah. | 0:12:17 | 0:12:19 | |
Isn't it marvellous? | 0:12:36 | 0:12:38 | |
When did you do all this? | 0:12:40 | 0:12:42 | |
I take it all back. | 0:12:42 | 0:12:44 | |
Abi is extraordinary. | 0:12:44 | 0:12:47 | |
What energy she has. | 0:12:47 | 0:12:49 | |
Look at all this. | 0:12:49 | 0:12:50 | |
Finally the room works. | 0:12:50 | 0:12:53 | |
Newsletters here, insurance there, DAC here, PCC there. | 0:12:53 | 0:12:59 | |
35 sheets a minute from this puppy. | 0:12:59 | 0:13:02 | |
Colour copy, print and scan. | 0:13:02 | 0:13:04 | |
And look at this. | 0:13:04 | 0:13:06 | |
It's on wheels. | 0:13:07 | 0:13:08 | |
You can move it about. | 0:13:08 | 0:13:10 | |
Abi. | 0:13:14 | 0:13:15 | |
What the hell's been going on while I've been away? | 0:13:15 | 0:13:18 | |
What have I done? | 0:13:18 | 0:13:19 | |
What have you done to the vestry? | 0:13:19 | 0:13:21 | |
I'm sorry. | 0:13:21 | 0:13:23 | |
I thought this was a good thing to do. You said reorganise the vestry. | 0:13:23 | 0:13:26 | |
No, I didn't! | 0:13:26 | 0:13:28 | |
I did, but not like this. | 0:13:29 | 0:13:32 | |
Rearrange, not restructure. I don't know where anything is now. | 0:13:32 | 0:13:38 | |
Where's my... Where's my maps of the diocese for a start? | 0:13:38 | 0:13:42 | |
My pens, where are my pens? | 0:13:44 | 0:13:46 | |
I want it put back as it was. | 0:13:47 | 0:13:50 | |
And how did you pay for all this? | 0:13:50 | 0:13:53 | |
You can't just spend church funds without talking to me first. | 0:13:53 | 0:13:56 | |
Did a special fundraising thing in the pub. | 0:13:56 | 0:13:59 | |
Pub church. It was great, Adam. | 0:13:59 | 0:14:01 | |
You can't preach in a pub. | 0:14:01 | 0:14:03 | |
Everybody loved it. That's why they gave so much. | 0:14:03 | 0:14:06 | |
OK, I'm sorry. | 0:14:06 | 0:14:07 | |
You're absolutely right. | 0:14:07 | 0:14:08 | |
I should have spoken to you first. It's my mistake. | 0:14:08 | 0:14:11 | |
Would you like me to cancel the family service that I've got planned? | 0:14:11 | 0:14:15 | |
You can't cancel that, Abs, everyone's really looking forward to it. | 0:14:15 | 0:14:19 | |
-I want to try and grow the congregation. -This looks good. | 0:14:19 | 0:14:23 | |
How was Greenbelt Festival? Did you have a great time? | 0:14:25 | 0:14:29 | |
Yeah, it was great, thanks. Yeah. | 0:14:29 | 0:14:31 | |
Who did you enjoy the most? | 0:14:31 | 0:14:33 | |
Peter Tatchell talking about injustice all over the place. | 0:14:34 | 0:14:38 | |
It was a great rally cry. | 0:14:38 | 0:14:40 | |
Peter Tatchell pulled out this year. | 0:14:40 | 0:14:42 | |
He didn't make it. | 0:14:42 | 0:14:43 | |
No, he was definitely there. I saw him. | 0:14:43 | 0:14:46 | |
Who else did you enjoy? | 0:14:46 | 0:14:48 | |
Beyonce? | 0:14:51 | 0:14:52 | |
Oh, I see. | 0:14:53 | 0:14:55 | |
You didn't go. | 0:14:55 | 0:14:56 | |
PHONE RINGS | 0:14:56 | 0:14:57 | |
Hello. Adam Smallbone. | 0:14:58 | 0:15:01 | |
Oh, hi. | 0:15:01 | 0:15:03 | |
Oh, that sounds awful. | 0:15:03 | 0:15:05 | |
How can I help? | 0:15:05 | 0:15:07 | |
It's for you. | 0:15:08 | 0:15:10 | |
Mmm. Hello. | 0:15:13 | 0:15:15 | |
Hi! | 0:15:17 | 0:15:18 | |
I'm very much enjoying helping Abi develop her skills. | 0:15:24 | 0:15:27 | |
However, although there are many aspects of her I admire enormously - her intelligence, bags of energy... | 0:15:28 | 0:15:33 | |
-Get on with it, Adam. -I'm not sure we're a perfect match. | 0:15:33 | 0:15:36 | |
Can't you cope with her? | 0:15:36 | 0:15:38 | |
No, I can. | 0:15:38 | 0:15:39 | |
Is it because she's a woman? | 0:15:39 | 0:15:41 | |
No, it's just we have different... | 0:15:41 | 0:15:43 | |
to be honest, she can be a bit insubordinate. | 0:15:43 | 0:15:46 | |
Really, what's she done? | 0:15:46 | 0:15:47 | |
For instance, she reorganised the vestry without asking me. | 0:15:47 | 0:15:50 | |
-Oh, no. -It's not just that. | 0:15:50 | 0:15:52 | |
She's alienating several of my congregation. | 0:15:52 | 0:15:54 | |
Who? | 0:15:54 | 0:15:56 | |
I don't want to name names. | 0:15:56 | 0:15:58 | |
-Colin? Nigel? -No. | 0:15:58 | 0:15:59 | |
-Ellie? -No. -Adoha? -No. | 0:15:59 | 0:16:02 | |
-Nigel? -No. -Colin? | 0:16:02 | 0:16:03 | |
Also, she can be very cavalier with the liturgy. | 0:16:03 | 0:16:05 | |
No, she's a star and you're very lucky to have her. | 0:16:05 | 0:16:08 | |
Did you read her review of Philip Pullman's new one in the Church Times? | 0:16:08 | 0:16:12 | |
-No. -It was superb. | 0:16:12 | 0:16:13 | |
Muscular, perceptive - it was gripping. | 0:16:13 | 0:16:15 | |
In case you hadn't noticed, Adam, | 0:16:15 | 0:16:17 | |
young, smart, dynamic women are not exactly queuing up to join the church as if it were The X Factor. | 0:16:17 | 0:16:23 | |
Is she like Susan Boyle? | 0:16:23 | 0:16:25 | |
Shut up! She's ten times the cleric you'll ever be. | 0:16:25 | 0:16:28 | |
People are saying "female bishop", | 0:16:28 | 0:16:30 | |
so I suggest you just try and get on with her. | 0:16:30 | 0:16:33 | |
Otherwise I fear it could be extremely deleterious to your ministerial review. | 0:16:33 | 0:16:38 | |
Right. | 0:16:38 | 0:16:40 | |
Can I get out at these lights, please? | 0:16:40 | 0:16:42 | |
No. | 0:16:42 | 0:16:43 | |
PIANO PLAYS | 0:16:44 | 0:16:47 | |
'Oh, fucking hell, she plays the piano as well. Of course she does. | 0:16:52 | 0:16:56 | |
'Why have you sent this woman, Lord? | 0:16:56 | 0:16:59 | |
'I should be able to love her but I can't. | 0:16:59 | 0:17:02 | |
'I'm jealous of her | 0:17:02 | 0:17:04 | |
'because she's cleverer than me and kind and hardworking | 0:17:04 | 0:17:07 | |
'and she brings the Liturgy alive and she fills the church. | 0:17:07 | 0:17:11 | |
'I bet she speaks Hebrew as well. | 0:17:11 | 0:17:13 | |
'And Aramaic. | 0:17:13 | 0:17:16 | |
'Why do I find her so irritating? | 0:17:16 | 0:17:18 | |
'It's pathetic. | 0:17:18 | 0:17:20 | |
'It's cos I'm scared, isn't it? | 0:17:20 | 0:17:22 | |
'I'm scared I'll be side-lined. | 0:17:22 | 0:17:25 | |
'She's like a...a cuckoo | 0:17:25 | 0:17:28 | |
'who's also a concert pianist. | 0:17:28 | 0:17:31 | |
'I've got to rise to the challenge. | 0:17:32 | 0:17:34 | |
'I'm going to try and love her. | 0:17:34 | 0:17:36 | |
'Love does not envy. | 0:17:36 | 0:17:39 | |
'I want her to go away. | 0:17:41 | 0:17:43 | |
'Please make her go away. | 0:17:43 | 0:17:45 | |
'Hello.' | 0:17:48 | 0:17:49 | |
I'm a hopeless priest. | 0:17:52 | 0:17:54 | |
I don't inspire anyone. | 0:17:54 | 0:17:55 | |
-You do. -People are bored with me. When I see how people respond to her I realise they love her. | 0:17:55 | 0:18:00 | |
They look forward to her services. I bet even God's bored with mine. | 0:18:00 | 0:18:03 | |
No, he's not. You're not boring. | 0:18:03 | 0:18:05 | |
Just because as a child I used to dress up and pretend to baptise the cat | 0:18:05 | 0:18:09 | |
and Mum and Dad laughed and clapped at me, here I am, 30 years on, still doing it. | 0:18:09 | 0:18:13 | |
But now everyone's stopped enjoying it. | 0:18:13 | 0:18:15 | |
So I might as well stop. | 0:18:15 | 0:18:17 | |
I was always irrelevant outside my church and now I'm irrelevant inside it. | 0:18:18 | 0:18:22 | |
Why has God chosen me for this when I'm no good at it? | 0:18:22 | 0:18:25 | |
I'm sure Abi's service will be amazing. | 0:18:25 | 0:18:28 | |
Give me some of that, Colin. | 0:18:28 | 0:18:31 | |
"The best service I've ever, ever been to. | 0:18:33 | 0:18:37 | |
"Much better than yours, Adam. | 0:18:37 | 0:18:40 | |
"She's so talented. | 0:18:40 | 0:18:43 | |
"You're so lucky to have her." | 0:18:43 | 0:18:45 | |
-Shot, vicarage! -Good shot! | 0:18:45 | 0:18:48 | |
This is quite nice, what is it? | 0:18:48 | 0:18:50 | |
That's one of me specialses, Colin Brainmasher. | 0:18:50 | 0:18:54 | |
Two parts whisky, one part ouzo, some mint | 0:18:54 | 0:18:57 | |
-and mostly MDMA. -What? | 0:18:57 | 0:18:59 | |
Ecstasy. | 0:18:59 | 0:19:01 | |
You'll love it. | 0:19:01 | 0:19:02 | |
I quite often have an E before the service. | 0:19:02 | 0:19:04 | |
-Ecstasy's in this? -Yeah. | 0:19:04 | 0:19:06 | |
Colin, I can't believe you've done that. | 0:19:06 | 0:19:09 | |
How dare you do that? | 0:19:09 | 0:19:11 | |
That's outrageous. | 0:19:11 | 0:19:13 | |
What, what, you can't force feed people chemical drugs. | 0:19:13 | 0:19:18 | |
What if I die? | 0:19:18 | 0:19:19 | |
What if I have an adverse reaction and, and, and die? | 0:19:19 | 0:19:23 | |
Should we, shall we call an ambulance? | 0:19:23 | 0:19:25 | |
Is there an antidote? | 0:19:25 | 0:19:27 | |
What will it feel like? | 0:19:27 | 0:19:29 | |
When, when will it start? | 0:19:29 | 0:19:31 | |
I believe in one God, the Father Almighty, maker of Heaven, | 0:19:32 | 0:19:36 | |
of Earth, of all things visible and invisible. | 0:19:36 | 0:19:39 | |
God of God, light of light. | 0:19:39 | 0:19:42 | |
I'm off my tits, Lord! | 0:19:45 | 0:19:47 | |
Colin did it, naughty Colin. | 0:19:50 | 0:19:53 | |
This is... | 0:19:55 | 0:19:57 | |
I'm sorry but this is... | 0:19:59 | 0:20:01 | |
..this is wonderful. | 0:20:02 | 0:20:04 | |
Look at the window. Look at the colours in the window. | 0:20:06 | 0:20:10 | |
So beautiful. | 0:20:10 | 0:20:12 | |
I can feel you. | 0:20:16 | 0:20:18 | |
I love you, Lord. | 0:20:21 | 0:20:22 | |
I love your world and all the people in it... | 0:20:26 | 0:20:29 | |
..and the Milky Way and all the other parallel universes that we haven't discovered yet | 0:20:32 | 0:20:39 | |
and everything else that you've made that we don't even know about. | 0:20:39 | 0:20:43 | |
The archdeacon. | 0:20:46 | 0:20:48 | |
And... | 0:20:51 | 0:20:52 | |
..Abi. | 0:20:54 | 0:20:55 | |
# Lord of all hopefulness | 0:21:07 | 0:21:11 | |
# Lord of all joy | 0:21:11 | 0:21:14 | |
# Whose trust ever child-like | 0:21:14 | 0:21:18 | |
# No cares could destroy | 0:21:18 | 0:21:20 | |
# Be there at our waking | 0:21:24 | 0:21:28 | |
# And give us we pray | 0:21:28 | 0:21:33 | |
# Your bliss in our hearts, Lord | 0:21:33 | 0:21:37 | |
# At the break of the day. # | 0:21:37 | 0:21:43 | |
It's great to have a family service, Adam. | 0:21:43 | 0:21:46 | |
We've got our "Jesus cures the leper" colouring sheets. | 0:21:46 | 0:21:48 | |
Steve, I love having you in this church. | 0:21:48 | 0:21:51 | |
If you ever need anything from me will you just ask me? Yeah, will you do that? | 0:21:51 | 0:21:55 | |
Will you just ask? Promise you will. | 0:21:55 | 0:21:57 | |
Yes, OK. | 0:21:57 | 0:21:58 | |
Hello, girls. | 0:21:58 | 0:21:59 | |
Come on, girls. Let's find a pew. | 0:21:59 | 0:22:01 | |
I've put out the kids' fairy cakes. | 0:22:04 | 0:22:07 | |
So many people today. | 0:22:07 | 0:22:08 | |
Isn't it wonderful? | 0:22:08 | 0:22:10 | |
It is. | 0:22:10 | 0:22:11 | |
Adoha, you're such a vital part of this congregation, of my life. | 0:22:11 | 0:22:15 | |
Am I? | 0:22:15 | 0:22:16 | |
-I love having you here. Come here. -Ooh! | 0:22:16 | 0:22:22 | |
Hello, you two. | 0:22:27 | 0:22:28 | |
-What's going on? -Nothing. | 0:22:33 | 0:22:35 | |
I love you. You look so beautiful today. | 0:22:35 | 0:22:37 | |
Oh, thank you, Adam. | 0:22:37 | 0:22:39 | |
I think he's talking to me, Adoha. | 0:22:39 | 0:22:41 | |
Oh! | 0:22:41 | 0:22:42 | |
-What's the matter with you? -Nothing. | 0:22:45 | 0:22:47 | |
Oh... | 0:22:47 | 0:22:48 | |
I've had some ecstasy by accident. | 0:22:50 | 0:22:53 | |
What?! | 0:22:53 | 0:22:54 | |
Colin put it in a drink. | 0:22:54 | 0:22:56 | |
You've got to do service. | 0:22:56 | 0:22:57 | |
No, it's OK. Abi's doing it. | 0:22:57 | 0:23:00 | |
Adam, are you happy for me to start? | 0:23:00 | 0:23:03 | |
Wonderful, beautiful Abi, yes, please start. | 0:23:03 | 0:23:08 | |
In fact, | 0:23:08 | 0:23:09 | |
I'm going to introduce you. | 0:23:09 | 0:23:12 | |
Hey, everyone, | 0:23:15 | 0:23:16 | |
er, | 0:23:16 | 0:23:18 | |
I'm so excited about today's service. | 0:23:18 | 0:23:21 | |
It's so wonderful | 0:23:21 | 0:23:23 | |
to have so many of you here, due to Abi, | 0:23:23 | 0:23:26 | |
who is a wonderful, beautiful, special person. | 0:23:26 | 0:23:30 | |
Intelligent, lovely, charming, clever, wonderful and beautiful, | 0:23:30 | 0:23:35 | |
so come on up here, angel, and start things off. | 0:23:35 | 0:23:41 | |
You can be the great multitude who followed Jesus down the mountain | 0:23:44 | 0:23:48 | |
to meet the leper, try and look like a multitude, whatever that looks like. | 0:23:48 | 0:23:52 | |
Mel, can you pretend to be the poor leper for me? | 0:23:52 | 0:23:56 | |
You've got like horrible, scratchy skin, scratchy, oh, scratchy. | 0:23:56 | 0:24:00 | |
Yeah, that's it. That's great. | 0:24:03 | 0:24:04 | |
I'm a leper too. | 0:24:07 | 0:24:09 | |
Look, my fingertips have dropped off. | 0:24:09 | 0:24:14 | |
Er, OK, I'm Jesus and I heal you. | 0:24:14 | 0:24:21 | |
I'm so sorry. It won't happen again. | 0:24:33 | 0:24:35 | |
Bye, Mel. | 0:24:35 | 0:24:38 | |
What a great service, Abi. | 0:24:38 | 0:24:40 | |
-Everyone loved it. -Thank you. | 0:24:40 | 0:24:43 | |
It was wonderful. It had such grace and depth to it. | 0:24:43 | 0:24:47 | |
I'm realising you and I can achieve great things together here. | 0:24:47 | 0:24:50 | |
I thought you didn't like me. | 0:24:51 | 0:24:53 | |
No, no, no. You mustn't think that. | 0:24:53 | 0:24:55 | |
I think you are the most naturally gifted priest that I've ever met. | 0:24:55 | 0:24:59 | |
OK, yes, you're right, | 0:24:59 | 0:25:01 | |
I have to confess I was envious of you | 0:25:01 | 0:25:04 | |
and it's made me feel small and jealous and nasty and pathetic | 0:25:04 | 0:25:10 | |
and it's ridiculous because I'm so lucky to have you here. | 0:25:10 | 0:25:15 | |
Can I... | 0:25:16 | 0:25:17 | |
Would you mind if I...? | 0:25:21 | 0:25:22 | |
Oh, no, of course. | 0:25:22 | 0:25:24 | |
Er, it's just that I heard you were complaining about me. | 0:25:24 | 0:25:28 | |
What? Oh, no. | 0:25:28 | 0:25:30 | |
You said I was insubordinate and turning people away. | 0:25:30 | 0:25:34 | |
You mustn't think that. | 0:25:34 | 0:25:36 | |
People can misread things. | 0:25:36 | 0:25:37 | |
You complained about me to the archdeacon, didn't you? | 0:25:37 | 0:25:40 | |
I did a bit. | 0:25:40 | 0:25:42 | |
I was upset to hear you felt that. | 0:25:42 | 0:25:45 | |
I'm moving on, Adam. | 0:25:47 | 0:25:48 | |
I've been asked to become a Canon of St Paul's Cathedral. | 0:25:48 | 0:25:52 | |
St Paul's? | 0:25:52 | 0:25:53 | |
Right. | 0:25:54 | 0:25:56 | |
Wow! | 0:25:57 | 0:25:58 | |
-Good for you. -It's funny, isn't it? | 0:25:59 | 0:26:02 | |
All that stuff that we're supposed to understand | 0:26:02 | 0:26:05 | |
about loving thy neighbour, it sounds so easy | 0:26:05 | 0:26:08 | |
but actually it's hard, isn't it? | 0:26:08 | 0:26:10 | |
Yeah. | 0:26:12 | 0:26:13 | |
I really need some water now. | 0:26:16 | 0:26:18 | |
Hey, hey. | 0:26:21 | 0:26:23 | |
Adam, what? | 0:26:24 | 0:26:26 | |
Oh, again? | 0:26:26 | 0:26:28 | |
It's 4am. Twice is enough for one night. | 0:26:28 | 0:26:31 | |
-It's night? -Yes, it is. | 0:26:31 | 0:26:33 | |
OK, do nice spooning. Night night. | 0:26:33 | 0:26:36 | |
-I love you. -Yeah. | 0:26:36 | 0:26:38 | |
What's up, vicarage? | 0:26:51 | 0:26:52 | |
It's all right, Colin. | 0:26:52 | 0:26:54 | |
I just feel incredibly sad today and exhausted and I don't know why. | 0:26:54 | 0:26:58 | |
Is it because Abi's left? | 0:26:58 | 0:27:01 | |
I don't think so. | 0:27:01 | 0:27:02 | |
I very rarely cry. | 0:27:04 | 0:27:06 | |
What day is it? | 0:27:06 | 0:27:08 | |
Er, Wednesday. | 0:27:08 | 0:27:09 | |
Yeah, that's just your E comedown. | 0:27:09 | 0:27:12 | |
Always on a Wednesday for some reason. Best off drinking through it. | 0:27:12 | 0:27:15 | |
I wish you'd never made me take that stupid, shameful drug. It's not fun. | 0:27:15 | 0:27:21 | |
I'm really looking forward to my baptism tomorrow | 0:27:23 | 0:27:25 | |
and being held in God's palm and everything. | 0:27:25 | 0:27:27 | |
Come on, let's go to t'pub. | 0:27:27 | 0:27:29 | |
You'll be right as rain in the morning, vicarage, promise. | 0:27:29 | 0:27:32 | |
Come on. | 0:27:32 | 0:27:34 | |
Colin Benson Lambert... | 0:27:42 | 0:27:44 | |
..I baptise you, | 0:27:45 | 0:27:47 | |
in the name of the Father... | 0:27:47 | 0:27:49 | |
..and of the Son... | 0:27:51 | 0:27:53 | |
..and of the Holy Spirit. | 0:27:56 | 0:27:58 | |
Amen. | 0:28:01 | 0:28:03 | |
Thanks. | 0:28:07 | 0:28:09 | |
Ta. | 0:28:11 | 0:28:12 | |
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd | 0:28:24 | 0:28:27 | |
E-mail [email protected] | 0:28:27 | 0:28:30 |