Break In Two Doors Down


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Break In

Sitcom. When Cathy and Colin's house is burgled, Cathy goes into meltdown. Beth and Eric find themselves cast as laundress and chief suspect.


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This programme contains some strong language.

0:00:020:00:06

I wonder what's going on there. Beth! Come here and see this.

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Oh, what's happened?

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I don't know.

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Don't let them see you.

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Don't want to look like the nosey neighbours.

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-Right, that's them going, will we go down and see what's happening?

-Yes.

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Colin! What's going on?

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Everything all right?

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We've been broken into.

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Oh, no!

0:00:300:00:31

-Oh, you're joking.

-I know.

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Oh, you poor thing.

0:00:330:00:34

Have they taken much?

0:00:340:00:36

The usual. Laptops, jewellery,

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it's the sentimental stuff that gets to you, though.

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I know.

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That big fake Rolex I got in Thailand - just gone.

0:00:420:00:45

It could have happened to any of us.

0:00:450:00:47

Aye, well, not really, though, Eric. I mean, they're not going to

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target your place, you know, they want stuff they can actually sell.

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Uh.

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Just shows you though, eh, you can have all the fancy alarms

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and security cameras you like, they're always going to find a way.

0:00:590:01:02

How did they get in?

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I left the patio doors open.

0:01:030:01:05

Hi, Cathy.

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Oh, Beth.

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Oh, Cathy, I'm so sorry.

0:01:280:01:32

Oh, how are you feeling?

0:01:320:01:34

-I'm in shock, Beth.

-Oh!

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If it wasn't for my Botox, it would really show.

0:01:360:01:39

Have you lost much?

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Mainly expression around my eyebrows.

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House stuff, Cath, stuff out the house, she means.

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They said we've to make a list but I'm finding it really difficult.

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Well, you're upset.

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And I can't find a fucking pen! Oh, Beth, I'm devastated, I really am.

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Oh, come here, you.

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Look, the most important thing is that you're both OK.

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Well, that's right, you're right, Eric.

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I mean, I feel fine, actually.

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It was actually a good opportunity to get a word with the police there.

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-Right.

-Cos I said to them about those jonnie bags

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we found lying at the foot of the road - he said it was

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most likely as a result of someone getting pumped in the back of a car.

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Well, well, look, let's just focus on getting you back to normal, shall we?

0:02:150:02:19

-Exactly.

-Yes, Eric, normal! Life will carry on as normal.

0:02:190:02:24

I refuse to be affected by this.

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I refuse to live in fear because of what's happened to us.

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That's good.

0:02:290:02:30

DOORBELL RINGS

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I'll get it.

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-What did the police say, then?

-Oh, they were excellent.

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Really?

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Within two minutes, they could tell me it was an opportunist,

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working alone, looking for high-value items to sell for drugs.

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God, that's amazing.

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And what are the chances of them catching him?

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Practically nil.

0:02:530:02:54

Oh, hi, Christine.

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Hello, Beth.

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Colin, I've just heard what happened.

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I know. I mean, what can you say?

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Oh, fucking scum!

0:03:080:03:10

Christine!

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There was a bungalow on the other side got done last month.

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-I never heard about that.

-Oh, aye.

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Came in in the middle of the night while they were asleep in their beds.

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That's why I always sleep with all my jewellery on.

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-Do you?

-Oh, aye -

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when I come down in the morning for my breakfast, I'm like Mr T.

0:03:230:03:27

Oh, dear.

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Did they take much?

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The usual - laptops, money, iPad.

0:03:300:03:34

Thank God it wasn't me -

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they would have been off with that wee toastie machine of mine.

0:03:350:03:38

I mean, it sits there in full view.

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I-I still can't believe it.

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I think I'm still in shock.

0:03:440:03:45

Hot sweet tea, Cathy, that's what you want for shock.

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Do you want me to go and make you a cup of tea, Cathy?

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No, thanks, Beth.

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I'd take one though, Beth.

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You're not in shock.

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No, but I was excited when I saw the police car.

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I'll make you a tea, Christine,

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it'll be good to take my mind off things.

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Oh, thanks, Cathy. God bless you.

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Three sugars.

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-What a shame.

-I know, she's taken it bad.

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She has, aye.

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Here, Beth, you go through and see if she's got any biscuits.

0:04:130:04:17

CATHY SCREAMS

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-What is it?

-They've been in the drawer.

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They've been in the cutlery drawer.

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How do you know?

0:04:260:04:27

I had Valiums in there beside the teaspoons and they've gone.

0:04:270:04:29

-Are you sure?

-Yes.

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I keep some in there, some in the living room,

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some in the bathroom, some in the hall cupboard,

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some in the vase on the landing and the rest in the car.

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Just to help me reverse park.

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Come on, we'll go back through to the living room and sit down.

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No, Colin, I can't be in this house!

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I mean, the thought of them being in here is making me - oh!

0:04:460:04:50

Come on, calm...

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I don't think we should stay here either, Beth?

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Why not?

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Well, if we're not getting a tea, there's no point.

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Come on!

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Do you know that, if you get caught thieving in Saudi Arabia,

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you get your hands cut off?

0:05:110:05:13

-Can you imagine that, Eric?

-Aye, I know.

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That'd certainly put them off burgling and what have you.

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Mind you, stumps - no fingers - no fingerprints,

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might just make the whole thing a lot easier for them.

0:05:270:05:30

How you feeling, Cathy?

0:05:350:05:36

A bit better, I think that brandy's helped a bit.

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That's good.

0:05:400:05:41

As I say, it's helped a bit.

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Would you like another one?

0:05:440:05:46

Well, if you think I should.

0:05:460:05:48

I'll maybe take a wee one as well, Beth.

0:05:490:05:52

The last thing Cathy's needing on top of all of this is to be drinking alone.

0:05:520:05:56

-Colin?

-No, no.

0:05:590:06:00

Och, aye.

0:06:010:06:02

Crime in this country is out of control.

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Nobody's got any respect for each other nowadays.

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As I said before, fucking scum.

0:06:120:06:16

I would never stoop to stealing.

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Nor me, Cathy, no matter how bad things got.

0:06:190:06:22

Yeah, you've got to keep your dignity.

0:06:220:06:24

I've always said, if it ever came to it,

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I would be a drug dealer before I would be a thief.

0:06:270:06:31

-Quite right.

-I would not get nutted myself, though.

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Or sell outside schools.

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During term time.

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I tell you what, they were lucky we were away cos, see,

0:06:380:06:42

if I'd got my hands on them...

0:06:420:06:43

Mmm, aye, I can just see the headlines in the paper now -

0:06:430:06:47

Man Bores Burglars To Death.

0:06:470:06:49

Beth, you've not got a wee biscuit on the go, have you?

0:06:520:06:54

It's worse if you're living on your own - I mean,

0:06:540:06:57

that just doesnae bear thinking about.

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Pat keeps a knife under her bed.

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In case she's broken into?

0:07:020:07:03

It's really for buttering crackers but it could double up.

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-If we were in America, we could have guns!

-She's right.

0:07:060:07:10

They're ten a penny there. They sell them in supermarkets.

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Do they?

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Jesus, can you imagine? I just popped in for a pint of milk

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and ended up buying a Kalashnikov as well.

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-What's wrong with that?!

-Oh, no, no, no.

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What, people having guns inside their own houses?

0:07:240:07:26

No, that's a recipe for disaster, that!

0:07:260:07:28

He's right. I mean, I cannae keep track of my remote control,

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never mind a fucking pistol.

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You'd have to use it responsibly, Eric.

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It would only be if someone attacked me that I would shoot them.

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Or if they attacked Colin.

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Or if they didn't attack either of us but were just being a cow -

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you know, just a little warning shot at their feet.

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Ch, ch - BANG!

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Hiya Mum!

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Hi, boys.

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Hello, Mrs Baird, how are you?

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Don't ask.

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What's going on?

0:07:580:07:59

Cathy and Colin have been broken into.

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Oh, no, what a shame.

0:08:010:08:03

-Are they OK?

-Fine.

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Well, Cathy's a bit down about it, to be honest.

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Bang-bang! Bang, bang, bang, ba...

0:08:090:08:13

-Oh, hi, Gordon.

-Hi.

0:08:140:08:15

-Hello, boys.

-Hiya.

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I'm so sorry to hear about what happened, are you OK?

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I'm in shock.

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Oh, thanks, Gordon. I feel safe with you, honey.

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What happened?

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We were at the time-share -

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we have two weeks high season anywhere in Europe.

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It's the Platinum Plan, Gordon.

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-I came through the door, put the cases down.

-Samsonite, honey.

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Went through the hall, into the living room and that's

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-when I knew something was up.

-Aye?

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The place was a mess, Ian.

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Not like in here, where it just needs a good tidy. I mean, a mess.

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There was stuff all emptied out the drawers,

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a DVD player pulled out the wall.

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Important medicine removed from its hiding place!

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What an absolute nightmare.

0:08:570:08:59

Thank you, Gordon, that means a lot, honey.

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Let me give you just a small kiss.

0:09:020:09:04

Have they got any idea who did it?

0:09:090:09:11

I'll tell you who did it...

0:09:110:09:12

All right, Christine, we know who did it. Fucking scum, thank you.

0:09:120:09:17

The police have been, but, eh,

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-they don't think there's much hope of catching them.

-Pf!

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They're only interested in sitting in the comfort of their cars,

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with the speed gun in one hand and a bacon roll in the other.

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Did anyone ever watch The Bill?

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So what have you two been up to?

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-We've been in town getting suits.

-Suits?

0:09:360:09:38

It's Morven and Lynn's wedding.

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-Is that the lesbians?

-Mm-hm.

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Oh, that's lovely.

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I'm all in favour of the equal rights.

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-I'm going to a wedding myself.

-Are you?

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Aye, but a proper one, though. See, the trouble I'm having, trying

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to find something for round my neck to go with that dress I've got.

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I'm sure I could find you something.

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Would you like to get married, Gordon, if they keep allowing it?

0:09:590:10:04

-Erm...

-So are we getting a look at them?

0:10:040:10:07

-Oh, no.

-Go on!

0:10:070:10:08

No, I've got a photo on my phone I can show you.

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Don't be so lazy and nasty, Ian, go and get them!

0:10:100:10:14

Gordon, if you had the choice between prison

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and getting your hand cut off, what would you take?

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Colin's got a lovely Hugo Boss one, Gordon.

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It's midnight navy with purple lining. It's really classy, in't it?

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Oh, yeah. Every time he wears it, I just want to shag him.

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Oh! Woo!

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Right, let's get a look at them.

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Oh, I like a man in a suit!

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Makes them look distinguished.

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Well, not Eric.

0:10:500:10:51

He just looks like a probation officer.

0:10:510:10:55

Oh, yes. Very smart.

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See, that'll do you for funerals, too, as well as gay weddings.

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Try them on!

0:11:010:11:02

Oh, not just now, Cathy.

0:11:020:11:03

Come on, those off and that on!

0:11:030:11:07

It's a bit like being on that Gok Wan show, in't it?

0:11:070:11:10

Oh, I love him!

0:11:100:11:12

Beth - Gok Wan, eh?

0:11:120:11:14

-Yeah, I don't mind him.

-Who's Gok Wan?

0:11:140:11:16

Och, you know, with the big specs and the teeth. He does that programme

0:11:160:11:21

where he gets folk to strip naked and then they burst into tears.

0:11:210:11:23

Dear God!

0:11:230:11:25

He's no oil painting himself so he's ideal for it.

0:11:250:11:29

Oh! Put the trousers on!

0:11:290:11:31

-Nah!

-Not you.

0:11:310:11:33

Gordon, put the trousers on.

0:11:330:11:34

-Come on, slip your jeans off.

-No.

0:11:340:11:36

Jeans off! Jeans off! Jeans off!

0:11:360:11:40

No, honestly, they're a bit long, anyway, the trousers.

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Are they? Did you buy long trousers, Gordon?

0:11:420:11:45

I can get them taken up.

0:11:450:11:46

Oh, don't be daft, I can do that for you.

0:11:460:11:48

You don't need to, Mrs Baird.

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Oh, it's fine. If you're putting them on, I'll just pin them up, get it done.

0:11:500:11:53

There you go - your own personal seamstress.

0:11:530:11:56

Here, Beth - I've got a pair of cords that are needing let out.

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They're fine before I've had a meal, Gordon,

0:12:000:12:03

but, see, once I've eaten, they just cut me in half.

0:12:030:12:06

Right, let's get you out of these, mister.

0:12:060:12:09

You're not shy, are you? Oh, his legs are lovely and smooth.

0:12:120:12:17

Colin's are hairy, but he does clipper all around his ball area.

0:12:190:12:22

It's an electric razor I use, Eric, it's...

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..it's... Well, it's actually quite a pleasant sensation.

0:12:260:12:29

Oh, they are lovely, aren't they, Col?

0:12:310:12:35

They don't look that long.

0:12:350:12:36

What shoes are you wearing, Gordon?

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Brogues.

0:12:380:12:39

Oh, I hate lacing shoes.

0:12:390:12:40

Half an inch off, Ian?

0:12:400:12:42

Eh, eh! Cathy, can you get out the way, please?

0:12:430:12:45

-Can I measure him, Beth?

-Eh - you don't need to do that.

0:12:450:12:48

She's just trying to help, she enjoys helping men.

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Doesn't he look lovely, Eric?

0:12:520:12:55

Oh, thanks.

0:12:550:12:56

Are you feeling a bit better now?

0:12:570:12:59

I am, thank you, honey.

0:12:590:13:00

It's good to have something to take my mind off things.

0:13:000:13:03

Aye, you'll be fine. Once you get the place tidied up and made

0:13:030:13:06

to feel more like home again, you'll forget it ever happened.

0:13:060:13:09

It is quite traumatic, when you think about it.

0:13:090:13:12

Someone coming into your home when you're not there.

0:13:120:13:14

I mean, if it was me, there's no way I'd be able to go back and sleep there.

0:13:140:13:18

That's lovely, Eric, thank you.

0:13:410:13:43

-Cathy?

-I don't think I could, Eric.

0:13:430:13:46

Actually, I can.

0:13:460:13:47

Oh! I enjoy a brandy.

0:13:540:13:56

I like whisky, too.

0:13:580:13:59

It's the clear spirits that you've got to watch.

0:14:010:14:04

You drink vodka, though.

0:14:040:14:05

Aye, but only if it's mixed with orange, though.

0:14:050:14:09

-All right?

-Aye, aye.

0:14:090:14:11

Did you bring me a towel?

0:14:110:14:13

I don't like Beth's wee thin ones.

0:14:130:14:15

I brought you a towel.

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And socks - did you bring socks?

0:14:160:14:18

I don't like her cheap carpet on my bare feet.

0:14:180:14:20

I brought socks.

0:14:200:14:21

-What's the matter?

-Everything all right, Colin?

0:14:240:14:27

Well, there's been a bit of a development.

0:14:270:14:30

What kind of a development?

0:14:300:14:32

What is it?

0:14:340:14:35

Well, obviously, we know what they've taken from the house.

0:14:350:14:38

But they've left some stuff as well.

0:14:380:14:40

-What?

-Well, there's some stuff that they've left behind.

0:14:400:14:44

What?

0:14:440:14:45

It's like a wee deposit.

0:14:450:14:47

-They've not shat in your Jacuzzi, have they?

-No.

0:14:470:14:50

What is it, Col?! Tell me!

0:14:500:14:52

They've performed a sexual act.

0:14:540:14:56

-What?

-Eugh!

0:14:560:14:58

What kind of sexual act?

0:14:580:15:00

They have pleasured themselves.

0:15:010:15:03

Oh! Oh, no! Where? Where have they done that?

0:15:040:15:10

-In the bedroom.

-Oh, no!

0:15:100:15:12

It's all right, Cathy - you can turn your mattress.

0:15:120:15:16

No, it wasn't on the bed.

0:15:160:15:18

Where was it? Tell me.

0:15:200:15:22

It was in your pant drawer.

0:15:230:15:24

Oh, no, I don't believe it.

0:15:240:15:27

Oh, no.

0:15:270:15:29

Oh, dear God.

0:15:290:15:30

Oh, yuck.

0:15:300:15:32

That is so gross.

0:15:320:15:33

I mean, how would you even...?

0:15:330:15:35

You just trousers down, up on the tiptoes...

0:15:350:15:37

All right, Colin!

0:15:370:15:38

-I want everything out of that house now!

-Eh?

0:15:380:15:41

Every single pair of pants out of that drawer and into the bin!

0:15:410:15:46

Cathy, no - that's a bit drastic.

0:15:460:15:48

There is spunk all over my pants!

0:15:480:15:51

What do you expect me to do?

0:15:510:15:53

Well, a boil wash and a wee bit of Vanish, no?

0:15:530:15:56

Oh, come here, you.

0:15:560:15:58

No, get off me! Can you not just leave me alone?

0:15:580:16:01

In fact, I want every single bit of clothing out of that house and in the bin!

0:16:010:16:05

Cathy, no!

0:16:050:16:06

Come on, Cath! There's no need for that.

0:16:060:16:08

Now!

0:16:080:16:09

OK, shall we make a start?

0:16:120:16:15

-It's a bit over the score, is it not?

-Well...

0:16:150:16:18

I mean, she definitely wants everything out?

0:16:180:16:20

You know what Cath's like.

0:16:200:16:21

Well, I mean, I could see the point if he'd been in other places,

0:16:210:16:24

but the fact that it was only in that one drawer...

0:16:240:16:26

You don't think...?

0:16:280:16:29

We'd better check and see.

0:16:290:16:31

Oh, God.

0:16:480:16:49

How is she?

0:17:030:17:04

I've run her a bath

0:17:060:17:07

and given her half a bottle of white to keep her going.

0:17:070:17:10

That's good.

0:17:100:17:12

It's terrible, isn't it?

0:17:120:17:13

Aye, aye.

0:17:130:17:15

Did I ever tell you about the time that Pat saw a man

0:17:170:17:20

-masturbating into a bin in a railway station?

-No.

0:17:200:17:24

It was in Kilmarnock. She was on her way to see a swimming gala.

0:17:240:17:28

Christine! Can we just talk about something else?

0:17:280:17:32

Of course, Beth, of course.

0:17:320:17:34

She also saw a woman stealing a roll of sellotape. Same trip!

0:17:400:17:45

Gordon, you're still sitting in your pants!

0:17:460:17:49

Oh, I don't mind.

0:17:490:17:51

Let's get these trousers sorted.

0:17:510:17:53

You all right, Cathy?

0:18:040:18:06

Yes, thanks.

0:18:060:18:07

It's the first time I've ever had a bath here.

0:18:080:18:11

-Right.

-It's so tiny.

0:18:110:18:13

-You feeling better?

-I am, thank you.

0:18:150:18:17

Oh, Beth.

0:18:180:18:19

Honestly, I don't know what I'd do without you.

0:18:220:18:25

You, and your little bath and your cheap dressing gown.

0:18:250:18:31

You are a godsend, missus.

0:18:310:18:34

FRONT DOOR OPENS

0:18:350:18:37

I had a bath.

0:18:470:18:49

To relax myself.

0:18:490:18:51

You had a bath here?

0:18:510:18:53

-Yes.

-In that wee...?

-Yes!

0:18:530:18:55

Cathy, are you sure you want to chuck all this?

0:18:550:18:57

It does seem a terrible waste.

0:18:570:19:00

The thought of having any of it near me...

0:19:000:19:02

It's not been touched, Cathy.

0:19:020:19:04

-We have searched the entire place, haven't we, Eric?

-Aye.

0:19:040:19:07

And it's honestly only that one drawer he's had a go at.

0:19:070:19:10

Oh!

0:19:100:19:11

I think it's probably been an impulse thing.

0:19:110:19:12

You know, just when he's opened it and seen the pants, it's obviously just...

0:19:120:19:17

Why don't we throw all the pants out and just wash everything else?

0:19:170:19:21

I'm not washing 20 bags of clothes, Colin!

0:19:210:19:24

Aye, but you canny just chuck away all your clothes.

0:19:240:19:26

-We could go to a laundrette.

-A laundrette?

0:19:260:19:28

A service wash - you pay someone to do it all for you

0:19:280:19:31

so you don't have to do it all yourself.

0:19:310:19:33

I've already had one stranger rummaging through my stuff, thank you!

0:19:330:19:37

Well...well, what about if it's not a stranger?

0:19:370:19:41

What do you mean?

0:19:410:19:42

Well, we could get someone we know to do it.

0:19:420:19:45

You know, somebody you trust.

0:19:460:19:48

Somebody who you've seen hanging out the washing

0:19:500:19:53

and would never say no to you at a time like this.

0:19:530:19:56

Everything on a 60, please, Beth.

0:20:040:20:06

And none of the own-brand fabric conditioner.

0:20:060:20:09

I don't want to smell like the inside of a taxi!

0:20:090:20:12

How you feeling now, Cathy?

0:20:220:20:24

Much better, thank you, Christine.

0:20:250:20:27

I always find that a good soak calms me down as well.

0:20:270:20:31

Mm.

0:20:310:20:32

Good for softening up your toenails if they're due a clip, too.

0:20:320:20:36

I actually prefer a bath to a shower.

0:20:370:20:40

And I'd never wash my hair in a bath.

0:20:410:20:44

Water that you've used to wash your undercarriage then being

0:20:440:20:49

used for over your head!

0:20:490:20:50

Oh, no! No, no, that's a no-no, Cath.

0:20:500:20:53

Right, let's take a look at these.

0:20:550:20:57

I want everything double double-checked

0:20:570:21:00

and, if there's any sign of anything, it goes in the bin!

0:21:000:21:03

That's fair enough.

0:21:030:21:05

Oh, there's your Puffa there, Cathy.

0:21:060:21:09

Oh, that's nice.

0:21:090:21:10

I hope they haven't cum on that.

0:21:100:21:11

Seems all right.

0:21:130:21:14

Beth? Puffa jacket coming through.

0:21:140:21:17

Oh, do not tumble-dry it!

0:21:170:21:19

What's in this one?

0:21:200:21:21

-Oh!

-What is it?

0:21:240:21:26

It's your, er, bras.

0:21:260:21:27

They've got a drawer to themselves.

0:21:280:21:30

-We'd better check them.

-Oh, yes!

0:21:300:21:33

It's frilly stuff, in't it?

0:21:330:21:34

Mm-hm. That is just the kind of thing that would get his tail right up in the air.

0:21:340:21:39

Right, Ian, tip them out.

0:21:390:21:41

Oh, God!

0:21:410:21:42

Ian.

0:21:440:21:45

Eric, get your big middle light on so we can see what we've got here.

0:21:470:21:52

Oh!

0:22:010:22:02

-Nah, it's just a bit of fluff.

-Oh!

0:22:040:22:06

Here. Cathy, do you want these gel things taken out before you

0:22:080:22:12

put them in the machine?

0:22:120:22:13

Beth can sort all that.

0:22:130:22:14

That purple one's my favourite, Ian - I always wear that

0:22:160:22:20

if we're staying in a hotel.

0:22:200:22:21

Christ, how many bras does she need?

0:22:250:22:27

I've only got my good Marks & Spencer one for going out

0:22:270:22:31

and my old Cross Your Heart for round the house.

0:22:310:22:33

PHONE RINGS

0:22:330:22:36

Hi, Pat. I'm in at Beth's.

0:22:370:22:39

Oh, shitstorm!

0:22:390:22:42

Well, Gordon's trousers are too long

0:22:420:22:44

and somebody's shot their load into Cathy's knicker drawer.

0:22:440:22:48

Unbelievable, Pat...

0:22:480:22:49

I thought, when that phone went, it might have been the police ringing you.

0:22:490:22:53

That's a point, actually - you've not told them about this, have you?

0:22:530:22:56

-Eh?

-They know about the break-in, but they don't know about him going in the drawers.

0:22:560:23:00

Honest to God, Pat, I've been in and out Accessorise like a whore

0:23:000:23:03

at a truckstop, and I still cannae find anything to go with it.

0:23:030:23:06

Well, they did say just to ring if there was anything else.

0:23:060:23:10

Well, go and tell them, Colin!

0:23:100:23:13

Ah, right, Pat. OK, then. Over and out.

0:23:130:23:16

I think the moths might have been at this one, Cathy.

0:23:190:23:23

Is there spunk on it or not?

0:23:230:23:25

Hello, it's Colin Whyte here. You were out seeing us

0:23:250:23:29

earlier in Latimer Crescent.

0:23:290:23:31

Aye, that's right, we were broken into.

0:23:310:23:34

No, she...she's calmed down a bit. She...she's had a bath.

0:23:350:23:38

Erm, what it is is that

0:23:380:23:42

whoever's done the break-in has also done something else.

0:23:420:23:45

Something a bit dirty.

0:23:460:23:48

No, no, it's not a shite.

0:23:490:23:51

They've, well - how can I put this? -

0:23:520:23:56

they've wanked onto my wife's pants.

0:23:560:23:59

Oh, here she is! It's like sale week at Oxfam here,

0:24:020:24:05

and you're farting about in that kitchen.

0:24:050:24:08

Excuse me, Christine, it's a Chinese laundry in there!

0:24:080:24:11

Beth, plenty of those little sheets in with the tumble-dryer,

0:24:110:24:15

please, so nothing smells of your house.

0:24:150:24:18

Oh, Gordon, I forgot your trousers!

0:24:200:24:22

Oh, it's fine, don't you worry about that!

0:24:220:24:24

I was just going to stick my jeans back on, if that's OK.

0:24:240:24:27

-No!

-Eh?

0:24:270:24:28

Stay in bare legs!

0:24:280:24:29

You stay in bare legs until your trousers are ready!

0:24:290:24:33

What's this stuff here, Cathy?

0:24:330:24:34

Uh! Let me see.

0:24:340:24:36

Och, it's just bags and belts. It'll be fine, Cathy.

0:24:360:24:39

Oh, God!

0:24:390:24:41

Oh, oh, I remember this.

0:24:440:24:47

Oh, I've not worn that for ages.

0:24:470:24:50

I bought that in Crete, Gordon.

0:24:510:24:53

Oh, I love Greece, me.

0:24:530:24:55

No, CRETE, Gordon!

0:24:550:24:56

Let's have a wee look at it, Cathy.

0:24:580:25:00

That's lovely.

0:25:000:25:01

Yeah, that's nice in't it, Beth?

0:25:030:25:04

Yeah, very nice.

0:25:060:25:07

-Oh, that suits you, Christine.

-Do you think?

0:25:070:25:10

Mm-hm. It's just a wee cheap thing from a little guy in the market.

0:25:100:25:14

I think that would go with that dress I've got for this wedding.

0:25:140:25:18

What do you think, Beth?

0:25:180:25:19

Er, yeah. Very nice.

0:25:190:25:21

-Have it.

-Eh?

0:25:220:25:24

-Take it.

-Are you sure?

0:25:240:25:26

In fact, there's a bag to go with it as well.

0:25:260:25:30

Are you sure, Cathy?

0:25:300:25:31

Take them both.

0:25:310:25:33

Christine, I would like you to have them.

0:25:330:25:36

Thanks very much.

0:25:370:25:38

Oh, give the inside of that a wipe, though.

0:25:380:25:41

I'm sure I brought half a kebab home in it the last time I used it.

0:25:410:25:44

So, what did they say?

0:25:460:25:47

Well, he's taken all the details,

0:25:470:25:50

and I've given him as much information as I could.

0:25:500:25:52

Is that it?

0:25:520:25:53

Well...

0:25:540:25:56

..there was one other thing.

0:25:560:25:57

What was that?

0:25:570:25:59

He said, obviously, it could be a random attacker who just

0:25:590:26:02

seized the opportunity to have a...

0:26:020:26:05

All right, Colin!

0:26:050:26:06

However, very often, in cases such as this,

0:26:060:26:10

-it can actually be someone you know that's done it.

-Eh?

0:26:100:26:13

-That's what he said.

-Och, that's ridiculous!

0:26:130:26:16

Well, he's asked me to make a list of anybody

0:26:160:26:18

that we know that had knowledge of our whereabouts,

0:26:180:26:21

would have known that we were away and the place was empty.

0:26:210:26:24

Who's familiar with where stuff is in the house.

0:26:240:26:28

Anyone who might be a bit of an oddball,

0:26:280:26:32

or seems as though they could potentially have

0:26:320:26:35

a sexually...deviant streak.

0:26:350:26:37

What?

0:26:440:26:45

DOG BARKS

0:26:490:26:51

-You all right, Cathy?

-Oh, I'm fine. I've just got some Bacardi...

0:27:040:27:07

Shh!

0:27:070:27:08

..in a mug for during the night.

0:27:080:27:10

Shh! Right, anything else you need?

0:27:100:27:13

No, I'm fine, I'm fine.

0:27:130:27:14

-Colin's going to pop round...

-Shh, Shh!

0:27:140:27:16

..with my dressing gown.

0:27:160:27:18

OK? This one's OK, but I just don't like it.

0:27:180:27:22

Right. Well, goodnight, Cath.

0:27:230:27:25

Night-night.

0:27:250:27:26

Oh, Beth. I'm sorry for accusing Eric of...

0:27:280:27:31

Don't worry about it.

0:27:310:27:32

-I know he'd never do anything like it.

-Honestly...

0:27:320:27:35

I know he's not tall enough to reach,

0:27:350:27:38

so there's no way he could get his...

0:27:380:27:39

Let's just try and forget about it, OK?

0:27:390:27:42

Oh, f...!

0:27:530:27:54

# Well, come on, baby Cos I wanna do

0:27:540:27:57

# That washing machine boogie with you

0:27:570:28:00

# Hear that washer slapping 'em clean

0:28:000:28:02

# I love the sound of your washing machine

0:28:020:28:04

# Slip-slap, slap-sloo

0:28:040:28:07

# Come on, honey, and I wanna do

0:28:070:28:08

# The washing machine boogie with you

0:28:090:28:11

# Slip-slap, slap-sloo

0:28:140:28:16

# Come on, honey, and I wanna do

0:28:160:28:19

# The washing machine boogie with you. #

0:28:190:28:21

When Cathy and Colin's house is burgled, Cathy goes into meltdown. Beth and Eric find themselves cast as laundress and chief suspect.