Browse content similar to Break In. Check below for episodes and series from the same categories and more!
Line | From | To | |
---|---|---|---|
This programme contains some strong language. | 0:00:02 | 0:00:06 | |
I wonder what's going on there. Beth! Come here and see this. | 0:00:06 | 0:00:09 | |
Oh, what's happened? | 0:00:09 | 0:00:10 | |
I don't know. | 0:00:10 | 0:00:12 | |
Don't let them see you. | 0:00:12 | 0:00:13 | |
Don't want to look like the nosey neighbours. | 0:00:13 | 0:00:16 | |
-Right, that's them going, will we go down and see what's happening? -Yes. | 0:00:16 | 0:00:20 | |
Colin! What's going on? | 0:00:24 | 0:00:25 | |
Everything all right? | 0:00:26 | 0:00:28 | |
We've been broken into. | 0:00:28 | 0:00:30 | |
Oh, no! | 0:00:30 | 0:00:31 | |
-Oh, you're joking. -I know. | 0:00:31 | 0:00:33 | |
Oh, you poor thing. | 0:00:33 | 0:00:34 | |
Have they taken much? | 0:00:34 | 0:00:36 | |
The usual. Laptops, jewellery, | 0:00:36 | 0:00:38 | |
it's the sentimental stuff that gets to you, though. | 0:00:38 | 0:00:41 | |
I know. | 0:00:41 | 0:00:42 | |
That big fake Rolex I got in Thailand - just gone. | 0:00:42 | 0:00:45 | |
It could have happened to any of us. | 0:00:45 | 0:00:47 | |
Aye, well, not really, though, Eric. I mean, they're not going to | 0:00:47 | 0:00:51 | |
target your place, you know, they want stuff they can actually sell. | 0:00:51 | 0:00:55 | |
Uh. | 0:00:55 | 0:00:56 | |
Just shows you though, eh, you can have all the fancy alarms | 0:00:56 | 0:00:59 | |
and security cameras you like, they're always going to find a way. | 0:00:59 | 0:01:02 | |
How did they get in? | 0:01:02 | 0:01:03 | |
I left the patio doors open. | 0:01:03 | 0:01:05 | |
Hi, Cathy. | 0:01:25 | 0:01:26 | |
Oh, Beth. | 0:01:27 | 0:01:28 | |
Oh, Cathy, I'm so sorry. | 0:01:28 | 0:01:32 | |
Oh, how are you feeling? | 0:01:32 | 0:01:34 | |
-I'm in shock, Beth. -Oh! | 0:01:34 | 0:01:36 | |
If it wasn't for my Botox, it would really show. | 0:01:36 | 0:01:39 | |
Have you lost much? | 0:01:39 | 0:01:41 | |
Mainly expression around my eyebrows. | 0:01:41 | 0:01:42 | |
House stuff, Cath, stuff out the house, she means. | 0:01:42 | 0:01:45 | |
They said we've to make a list but I'm finding it really difficult. | 0:01:45 | 0:01:49 | |
Well, you're upset. | 0:01:49 | 0:01:51 | |
And I can't find a fucking pen! Oh, Beth, I'm devastated, I really am. | 0:01:51 | 0:01:55 | |
Oh, come here, you. | 0:01:55 | 0:01:57 | |
Look, the most important thing is that you're both OK. | 0:01:57 | 0:02:00 | |
Well, that's right, you're right, Eric. | 0:02:00 | 0:02:01 | |
I mean, I feel fine, actually. | 0:02:01 | 0:02:03 | |
It was actually a good opportunity to get a word with the police there. | 0:02:03 | 0:02:07 | |
-Right. -Cos I said to them about those jonnie bags | 0:02:07 | 0:02:10 | |
we found lying at the foot of the road - he said it was | 0:02:10 | 0:02:12 | |
most likely as a result of someone getting pumped in the back of a car. | 0:02:12 | 0:02:15 | |
Well, well, look, let's just focus on getting you back to normal, shall we? | 0:02:15 | 0:02:19 | |
-Exactly. -Yes, Eric, normal! Life will carry on as normal. | 0:02:19 | 0:02:24 | |
I refuse to be affected by this. | 0:02:24 | 0:02:26 | |
I refuse to live in fear because of what's happened to us. | 0:02:26 | 0:02:29 | |
That's good. | 0:02:29 | 0:02:30 | |
DOORBELL RINGS | 0:02:30 | 0:02:32 | |
I'll get it. | 0:02:32 | 0:02:33 | |
-What did the police say, then? -Oh, they were excellent. | 0:02:39 | 0:02:42 | |
Really? | 0:02:42 | 0:02:43 | |
Within two minutes, they could tell me it was an opportunist, | 0:02:43 | 0:02:45 | |
working alone, looking for high-value items to sell for drugs. | 0:02:45 | 0:02:49 | |
God, that's amazing. | 0:02:49 | 0:02:51 | |
And what are the chances of them catching him? | 0:02:51 | 0:02:53 | |
Practically nil. | 0:02:53 | 0:02:54 | |
Oh, hi, Christine. | 0:03:00 | 0:03:02 | |
Hello, Beth. | 0:03:02 | 0:03:03 | |
Colin, I've just heard what happened. | 0:03:03 | 0:03:06 | |
I know. I mean, what can you say? | 0:03:06 | 0:03:08 | |
Oh, fucking scum! | 0:03:08 | 0:03:10 | |
Christine! | 0:03:10 | 0:03:11 | |
There was a bungalow on the other side got done last month. | 0:03:11 | 0:03:14 | |
-I never heard about that. -Oh, aye. | 0:03:14 | 0:03:16 | |
Came in in the middle of the night while they were asleep in their beds. | 0:03:16 | 0:03:19 | |
That's why I always sleep with all my jewellery on. | 0:03:19 | 0:03:22 | |
-Do you? -Oh, aye - | 0:03:22 | 0:03:23 | |
when I come down in the morning for my breakfast, I'm like Mr T. | 0:03:23 | 0:03:27 | |
Oh, dear. | 0:03:27 | 0:03:29 | |
Did they take much? | 0:03:29 | 0:03:30 | |
The usual - laptops, money, iPad. | 0:03:30 | 0:03:34 | |
Thank God it wasn't me - | 0:03:34 | 0:03:35 | |
they would have been off with that wee toastie machine of mine. | 0:03:35 | 0:03:38 | |
I mean, it sits there in full view. | 0:03:38 | 0:03:41 | |
I-I still can't believe it. | 0:03:41 | 0:03:44 | |
I think I'm still in shock. | 0:03:44 | 0:03:45 | |
Hot sweet tea, Cathy, that's what you want for shock. | 0:03:45 | 0:03:49 | |
Do you want me to go and make you a cup of tea, Cathy? | 0:03:49 | 0:03:51 | |
No, thanks, Beth. | 0:03:51 | 0:03:52 | |
I'd take one though, Beth. | 0:03:53 | 0:03:54 | |
You're not in shock. | 0:03:54 | 0:03:55 | |
No, but I was excited when I saw the police car. | 0:03:55 | 0:03:58 | |
I'll make you a tea, Christine, | 0:03:58 | 0:04:00 | |
it'll be good to take my mind off things. | 0:04:00 | 0:04:02 | |
Oh, thanks, Cathy. God bless you. | 0:04:02 | 0:04:05 | |
Three sugars. | 0:04:05 | 0:04:06 | |
-What a shame. -I know, she's taken it bad. | 0:04:10 | 0:04:12 | |
She has, aye. | 0:04:12 | 0:04:13 | |
Here, Beth, you go through and see if she's got any biscuits. | 0:04:13 | 0:04:17 | |
CATHY SCREAMS | 0:04:17 | 0:04:18 | |
-What is it? -They've been in the drawer. | 0:04:22 | 0:04:24 | |
They've been in the cutlery drawer. | 0:04:24 | 0:04:26 | |
How do you know? | 0:04:26 | 0:04:27 | |
I had Valiums in there beside the teaspoons and they've gone. | 0:04:27 | 0:04:29 | |
-Are you sure? -Yes. | 0:04:29 | 0:04:31 | |
I keep some in there, some in the living room, | 0:04:31 | 0:04:33 | |
some in the bathroom, some in the hall cupboard, | 0:04:33 | 0:04:35 | |
some in the vase on the landing and the rest in the car. | 0:04:35 | 0:04:38 | |
Just to help me reverse park. | 0:04:39 | 0:04:41 | |
Come on, we'll go back through to the living room and sit down. | 0:04:41 | 0:04:44 | |
No, Colin, I can't be in this house! | 0:04:44 | 0:04:46 | |
I mean, the thought of them being in here is making me - oh! | 0:04:46 | 0:04:50 | |
Come on, calm... | 0:04:50 | 0:04:52 | |
I don't think we should stay here either, Beth? | 0:04:52 | 0:04:55 | |
Why not? | 0:04:55 | 0:04:56 | |
Well, if we're not getting a tea, there's no point. | 0:04:56 | 0:04:59 | |
Come on! | 0:04:59 | 0:05:00 | |
Do you know that, if you get caught thieving in Saudi Arabia, | 0:05:07 | 0:05:11 | |
you get your hands cut off? | 0:05:11 | 0:05:13 | |
-Can you imagine that, Eric? -Aye, I know. | 0:05:13 | 0:05:16 | |
That'd certainly put them off burgling and what have you. | 0:05:16 | 0:05:21 | |
Mind you, stumps - no fingers - no fingerprints, | 0:05:21 | 0:05:27 | |
might just make the whole thing a lot easier for them. | 0:05:27 | 0:05:30 | |
How you feeling, Cathy? | 0:05:35 | 0:05:36 | |
A bit better, I think that brandy's helped a bit. | 0:05:36 | 0:05:40 | |
That's good. | 0:05:40 | 0:05:41 | |
As I say, it's helped a bit. | 0:05:41 | 0:05:42 | |
Would you like another one? | 0:05:44 | 0:05:46 | |
Well, if you think I should. | 0:05:46 | 0:05:48 | |
I'll maybe take a wee one as well, Beth. | 0:05:49 | 0:05:52 | |
The last thing Cathy's needing on top of all of this is to be drinking alone. | 0:05:52 | 0:05:56 | |
-Colin? -No, no. | 0:05:59 | 0:06:00 | |
Och, aye. | 0:06:01 | 0:06:02 | |
Crime in this country is out of control. | 0:06:04 | 0:06:08 | |
Nobody's got any respect for each other nowadays. | 0:06:08 | 0:06:12 | |
As I said before, fucking scum. | 0:06:12 | 0:06:16 | |
I would never stoop to stealing. | 0:06:16 | 0:06:19 | |
Nor me, Cathy, no matter how bad things got. | 0:06:19 | 0:06:22 | |
Yeah, you've got to keep your dignity. | 0:06:22 | 0:06:24 | |
I've always said, if it ever came to it, | 0:06:24 | 0:06:27 | |
I would be a drug dealer before I would be a thief. | 0:06:27 | 0:06:31 | |
-Quite right. -I would not get nutted myself, though. | 0:06:31 | 0:06:34 | |
Or sell outside schools. | 0:06:34 | 0:06:36 | |
During term time. | 0:06:37 | 0:06:38 | |
I tell you what, they were lucky we were away cos, see, | 0:06:38 | 0:06:42 | |
if I'd got my hands on them... | 0:06:42 | 0:06:43 | |
Mmm, aye, I can just see the headlines in the paper now - | 0:06:43 | 0:06:47 | |
Man Bores Burglars To Death. | 0:06:47 | 0:06:49 | |
Beth, you've not got a wee biscuit on the go, have you? | 0:06:52 | 0:06:54 | |
It's worse if you're living on your own - I mean, | 0:06:54 | 0:06:57 | |
that just doesnae bear thinking about. | 0:06:57 | 0:07:00 | |
Pat keeps a knife under her bed. | 0:07:00 | 0:07:02 | |
In case she's broken into? | 0:07:02 | 0:07:03 | |
It's really for buttering crackers but it could double up. | 0:07:03 | 0:07:06 | |
-If we were in America, we could have guns! -She's right. | 0:07:06 | 0:07:10 | |
They're ten a penny there. They sell them in supermarkets. | 0:07:10 | 0:07:13 | |
Do they? | 0:07:13 | 0:07:14 | |
Jesus, can you imagine? I just popped in for a pint of milk | 0:07:14 | 0:07:17 | |
and ended up buying a Kalashnikov as well. | 0:07:17 | 0:07:20 | |
-What's wrong with that?! -Oh, no, no, no. | 0:07:21 | 0:07:24 | |
What, people having guns inside their own houses? | 0:07:24 | 0:07:26 | |
No, that's a recipe for disaster, that! | 0:07:26 | 0:07:28 | |
He's right. I mean, I cannae keep track of my remote control, | 0:07:28 | 0:07:32 | |
never mind a fucking pistol. | 0:07:32 | 0:07:33 | |
You'd have to use it responsibly, Eric. | 0:07:33 | 0:07:37 | |
It would only be if someone attacked me that I would shoot them. | 0:07:37 | 0:07:40 | |
Or if they attacked Colin. | 0:07:40 | 0:07:43 | |
Or if they didn't attack either of us but were just being a cow - | 0:07:43 | 0:07:47 | |
you know, just a little warning shot at their feet. | 0:07:47 | 0:07:50 | |
Ch, ch - BANG! | 0:07:50 | 0:07:51 | |
Hiya Mum! | 0:07:52 | 0:07:54 | |
Hi, boys. | 0:07:54 | 0:07:55 | |
Hello, Mrs Baird, how are you? | 0:07:55 | 0:07:57 | |
Don't ask. | 0:07:57 | 0:07:58 | |
What's going on? | 0:07:58 | 0:07:59 | |
Cathy and Colin have been broken into. | 0:07:59 | 0:08:01 | |
Oh, no, what a shame. | 0:08:01 | 0:08:03 | |
-Are they OK? -Fine. | 0:08:03 | 0:08:04 | |
Well, Cathy's a bit down about it, to be honest. | 0:08:04 | 0:08:06 | |
Bang-bang! Bang, bang, bang, ba... | 0:08:09 | 0:08:13 | |
-Oh, hi, Gordon. -Hi. | 0:08:14 | 0:08:15 | |
-Hello, boys. -Hiya. | 0:08:15 | 0:08:17 | |
I'm so sorry to hear about what happened, are you OK? | 0:08:17 | 0:08:20 | |
I'm in shock. | 0:08:20 | 0:08:21 | |
Oh, thanks, Gordon. I feel safe with you, honey. | 0:08:24 | 0:08:29 | |
What happened? | 0:08:29 | 0:08:30 | |
We were at the time-share - | 0:08:30 | 0:08:32 | |
we have two weeks high season anywhere in Europe. | 0:08:32 | 0:08:34 | |
It's the Platinum Plan, Gordon. | 0:08:34 | 0:08:36 | |
-I came through the door, put the cases down. -Samsonite, honey. | 0:08:36 | 0:08:39 | |
Went through the hall, into the living room and that's | 0:08:39 | 0:08:42 | |
-when I knew something was up. -Aye? | 0:08:42 | 0:08:44 | |
The place was a mess, Ian. | 0:08:45 | 0:08:47 | |
Not like in here, where it just needs a good tidy. I mean, a mess. | 0:08:47 | 0:08:51 | |
There was stuff all emptied out the drawers, | 0:08:51 | 0:08:53 | |
a DVD player pulled out the wall. | 0:08:53 | 0:08:55 | |
Important medicine removed from its hiding place! | 0:08:55 | 0:08:57 | |
What an absolute nightmare. | 0:08:57 | 0:08:59 | |
Thank you, Gordon, that means a lot, honey. | 0:08:59 | 0:09:02 | |
Let me give you just a small kiss. | 0:09:02 | 0:09:04 | |
Have they got any idea who did it? | 0:09:09 | 0:09:11 | |
I'll tell you who did it... | 0:09:11 | 0:09:12 | |
All right, Christine, we know who did it. Fucking scum, thank you. | 0:09:12 | 0:09:17 | |
The police have been, but, eh, | 0:09:17 | 0:09:19 | |
-they don't think there's much hope of catching them. -Pf! | 0:09:19 | 0:09:21 | |
They're only interested in sitting in the comfort of their cars, | 0:09:21 | 0:09:25 | |
with the speed gun in one hand and a bacon roll in the other. | 0:09:25 | 0:09:29 | |
Did anyone ever watch The Bill? | 0:09:29 | 0:09:31 | |
So what have you two been up to? | 0:09:35 | 0:09:36 | |
-We've been in town getting suits. -Suits? | 0:09:36 | 0:09:38 | |
It's Morven and Lynn's wedding. | 0:09:38 | 0:09:40 | |
-Is that the lesbians? -Mm-hm. | 0:09:40 | 0:09:42 | |
Oh, that's lovely. | 0:09:42 | 0:09:44 | |
I'm all in favour of the equal rights. | 0:09:44 | 0:09:47 | |
-I'm going to a wedding myself. -Are you? | 0:09:47 | 0:09:49 | |
Aye, but a proper one, though. See, the trouble I'm having, trying | 0:09:49 | 0:09:53 | |
to find something for round my neck to go with that dress I've got. | 0:09:53 | 0:09:57 | |
I'm sure I could find you something. | 0:09:57 | 0:09:59 | |
Would you like to get married, Gordon, if they keep allowing it? | 0:09:59 | 0:10:04 | |
-Erm... -So are we getting a look at them? | 0:10:04 | 0:10:07 | |
-Oh, no. -Go on! | 0:10:07 | 0:10:08 | |
No, I've got a photo on my phone I can show you. | 0:10:08 | 0:10:10 | |
Don't be so lazy and nasty, Ian, go and get them! | 0:10:10 | 0:10:14 | |
Gordon, if you had the choice between prison | 0:10:16 | 0:10:21 | |
and getting your hand cut off, what would you take? | 0:10:21 | 0:10:24 | |
Colin's got a lovely Hugo Boss one, Gordon. | 0:10:30 | 0:10:33 | |
It's midnight navy with purple lining. It's really classy, in't it? | 0:10:33 | 0:10:37 | |
Oh, yeah. Every time he wears it, I just want to shag him. | 0:10:37 | 0:10:40 | |
Oh! Woo! | 0:10:41 | 0:10:43 | |
Right, let's get a look at them. | 0:10:43 | 0:10:45 | |
Oh, I like a man in a suit! | 0:10:45 | 0:10:47 | |
Makes them look distinguished. | 0:10:47 | 0:10:50 | |
Well, not Eric. | 0:10:50 | 0:10:51 | |
He just looks like a probation officer. | 0:10:51 | 0:10:55 | |
Oh, yes. Very smart. | 0:10:55 | 0:10:57 | |
See, that'll do you for funerals, too, as well as gay weddings. | 0:10:57 | 0:11:01 | |
Try them on! | 0:11:01 | 0:11:02 | |
Oh, not just now, Cathy. | 0:11:02 | 0:11:03 | |
Come on, those off and that on! | 0:11:03 | 0:11:07 | |
It's a bit like being on that Gok Wan show, in't it? | 0:11:07 | 0:11:10 | |
Oh, I love him! | 0:11:10 | 0:11:12 | |
Beth - Gok Wan, eh? | 0:11:12 | 0:11:14 | |
-Yeah, I don't mind him. -Who's Gok Wan? | 0:11:14 | 0:11:16 | |
Och, you know, with the big specs and the teeth. He does that programme | 0:11:16 | 0:11:21 | |
where he gets folk to strip naked and then they burst into tears. | 0:11:21 | 0:11:23 | |
Dear God! | 0:11:23 | 0:11:25 | |
He's no oil painting himself so he's ideal for it. | 0:11:25 | 0:11:29 | |
Oh! Put the trousers on! | 0:11:29 | 0:11:31 | |
-Nah! -Not you. | 0:11:31 | 0:11:33 | |
Gordon, put the trousers on. | 0:11:33 | 0:11:34 | |
-Come on, slip your jeans off. -No. | 0:11:34 | 0:11:36 | |
Jeans off! Jeans off! Jeans off! | 0:11:36 | 0:11:40 | |
No, honestly, they're a bit long, anyway, the trousers. | 0:11:40 | 0:11:42 | |
Are they? Did you buy long trousers, Gordon? | 0:11:42 | 0:11:45 | |
I can get them taken up. | 0:11:45 | 0:11:46 | |
Oh, don't be daft, I can do that for you. | 0:11:46 | 0:11:48 | |
You don't need to, Mrs Baird. | 0:11:48 | 0:11:50 | |
Oh, it's fine. If you're putting them on, I'll just pin them up, get it done. | 0:11:50 | 0:11:53 | |
There you go - your own personal seamstress. | 0:11:53 | 0:11:56 | |
Here, Beth - I've got a pair of cords that are needing let out. | 0:11:56 | 0:12:00 | |
They're fine before I've had a meal, Gordon, | 0:12:00 | 0:12:03 | |
but, see, once I've eaten, they just cut me in half. | 0:12:03 | 0:12:06 | |
Right, let's get you out of these, mister. | 0:12:06 | 0:12:09 | |
You're not shy, are you? Oh, his legs are lovely and smooth. | 0:12:12 | 0:12:17 | |
Colin's are hairy, but he does clipper all around his ball area. | 0:12:19 | 0:12:22 | |
It's an electric razor I use, Eric, it's... | 0:12:23 | 0:12:26 | |
..it's... Well, it's actually quite a pleasant sensation. | 0:12:26 | 0:12:29 | |
Oh, they are lovely, aren't they, Col? | 0:12:31 | 0:12:35 | |
They don't look that long. | 0:12:35 | 0:12:36 | |
What shoes are you wearing, Gordon? | 0:12:36 | 0:12:38 | |
Brogues. | 0:12:38 | 0:12:39 | |
Oh, I hate lacing shoes. | 0:12:39 | 0:12:40 | |
Half an inch off, Ian? | 0:12:40 | 0:12:42 | |
Eh, eh! Cathy, can you get out the way, please? | 0:12:43 | 0:12:45 | |
-Can I measure him, Beth? -Eh - you don't need to do that. | 0:12:45 | 0:12:48 | |
She's just trying to help, she enjoys helping men. | 0:12:48 | 0:12:52 | |
Doesn't he look lovely, Eric? | 0:12:52 | 0:12:55 | |
Oh, thanks. | 0:12:55 | 0:12:56 | |
Are you feeling a bit better now? | 0:12:57 | 0:12:59 | |
I am, thank you, honey. | 0:12:59 | 0:13:00 | |
It's good to have something to take my mind off things. | 0:13:00 | 0:13:03 | |
Aye, you'll be fine. Once you get the place tidied up and made | 0:13:03 | 0:13:06 | |
to feel more like home again, you'll forget it ever happened. | 0:13:06 | 0:13:09 | |
It is quite traumatic, when you think about it. | 0:13:09 | 0:13:12 | |
Someone coming into your home when you're not there. | 0:13:12 | 0:13:14 | |
I mean, if it was me, there's no way I'd be able to go back and sleep there. | 0:13:14 | 0:13:18 | |
That's lovely, Eric, thank you. | 0:13:41 | 0:13:43 | |
-Cathy? -I don't think I could, Eric. | 0:13:43 | 0:13:46 | |
Actually, I can. | 0:13:46 | 0:13:47 | |
Oh! I enjoy a brandy. | 0:13:54 | 0:13:56 | |
I like whisky, too. | 0:13:58 | 0:13:59 | |
It's the clear spirits that you've got to watch. | 0:14:01 | 0:14:04 | |
You drink vodka, though. | 0:14:04 | 0:14:05 | |
Aye, but only if it's mixed with orange, though. | 0:14:05 | 0:14:09 | |
-All right? -Aye, aye. | 0:14:09 | 0:14:11 | |
Did you bring me a towel? | 0:14:11 | 0:14:13 | |
I don't like Beth's wee thin ones. | 0:14:13 | 0:14:15 | |
I brought you a towel. | 0:14:15 | 0:14:16 | |
And socks - did you bring socks? | 0:14:16 | 0:14:18 | |
I don't like her cheap carpet on my bare feet. | 0:14:18 | 0:14:20 | |
I brought socks. | 0:14:20 | 0:14:21 | |
-What's the matter? -Everything all right, Colin? | 0:14:24 | 0:14:27 | |
Well, there's been a bit of a development. | 0:14:27 | 0:14:30 | |
What kind of a development? | 0:14:30 | 0:14:32 | |
What is it? | 0:14:34 | 0:14:35 | |
Well, obviously, we know what they've taken from the house. | 0:14:35 | 0:14:38 | |
But they've left some stuff as well. | 0:14:38 | 0:14:40 | |
-What? -Well, there's some stuff that they've left behind. | 0:14:40 | 0:14:44 | |
What? | 0:14:44 | 0:14:45 | |
It's like a wee deposit. | 0:14:45 | 0:14:47 | |
-They've not shat in your Jacuzzi, have they? -No. | 0:14:47 | 0:14:50 | |
What is it, Col?! Tell me! | 0:14:50 | 0:14:52 | |
They've performed a sexual act. | 0:14:54 | 0:14:56 | |
-What? -Eugh! | 0:14:56 | 0:14:58 | |
What kind of sexual act? | 0:14:58 | 0:15:00 | |
They have pleasured themselves. | 0:15:01 | 0:15:03 | |
Oh! Oh, no! Where? Where have they done that? | 0:15:04 | 0:15:10 | |
-In the bedroom. -Oh, no! | 0:15:10 | 0:15:12 | |
It's all right, Cathy - you can turn your mattress. | 0:15:12 | 0:15:16 | |
No, it wasn't on the bed. | 0:15:16 | 0:15:18 | |
Where was it? Tell me. | 0:15:20 | 0:15:22 | |
It was in your pant drawer. | 0:15:23 | 0:15:24 | |
Oh, no, I don't believe it. | 0:15:24 | 0:15:27 | |
Oh, no. | 0:15:27 | 0:15:29 | |
Oh, dear God. | 0:15:29 | 0:15:30 | |
Oh, yuck. | 0:15:30 | 0:15:32 | |
That is so gross. | 0:15:32 | 0:15:33 | |
I mean, how would you even...? | 0:15:33 | 0:15:35 | |
You just trousers down, up on the tiptoes... | 0:15:35 | 0:15:37 | |
All right, Colin! | 0:15:37 | 0:15:38 | |
-I want everything out of that house now! -Eh? | 0:15:38 | 0:15:41 | |
Every single pair of pants out of that drawer and into the bin! | 0:15:41 | 0:15:46 | |
Cathy, no - that's a bit drastic. | 0:15:46 | 0:15:48 | |
There is spunk all over my pants! | 0:15:48 | 0:15:51 | |
What do you expect me to do? | 0:15:51 | 0:15:53 | |
Well, a boil wash and a wee bit of Vanish, no? | 0:15:53 | 0:15:56 | |
Oh, come here, you. | 0:15:56 | 0:15:58 | |
No, get off me! Can you not just leave me alone? | 0:15:58 | 0:16:01 | |
In fact, I want every single bit of clothing out of that house and in the bin! | 0:16:01 | 0:16:05 | |
Cathy, no! | 0:16:05 | 0:16:06 | |
Come on, Cath! There's no need for that. | 0:16:06 | 0:16:08 | |
Now! | 0:16:08 | 0:16:09 | |
OK, shall we make a start? | 0:16:12 | 0:16:15 | |
-It's a bit over the score, is it not? -Well... | 0:16:15 | 0:16:18 | |
I mean, she definitely wants everything out? | 0:16:18 | 0:16:20 | |
You know what Cath's like. | 0:16:20 | 0:16:21 | |
Well, I mean, I could see the point if he'd been in other places, | 0:16:21 | 0:16:24 | |
but the fact that it was only in that one drawer... | 0:16:24 | 0:16:26 | |
You don't think...? | 0:16:28 | 0:16:29 | |
We'd better check and see. | 0:16:29 | 0:16:31 | |
Oh, God. | 0:16:48 | 0:16:49 | |
How is she? | 0:17:03 | 0:17:04 | |
I've run her a bath | 0:17:06 | 0:17:07 | |
and given her half a bottle of white to keep her going. | 0:17:07 | 0:17:10 | |
That's good. | 0:17:10 | 0:17:12 | |
It's terrible, isn't it? | 0:17:12 | 0:17:13 | |
Aye, aye. | 0:17:13 | 0:17:15 | |
Did I ever tell you about the time that Pat saw a man | 0:17:17 | 0:17:20 | |
-masturbating into a bin in a railway station? -No. | 0:17:20 | 0:17:24 | |
It was in Kilmarnock. She was on her way to see a swimming gala. | 0:17:24 | 0:17:28 | |
Christine! Can we just talk about something else? | 0:17:28 | 0:17:32 | |
Of course, Beth, of course. | 0:17:32 | 0:17:34 | |
She also saw a woman stealing a roll of sellotape. Same trip! | 0:17:40 | 0:17:45 | |
Gordon, you're still sitting in your pants! | 0:17:46 | 0:17:49 | |
Oh, I don't mind. | 0:17:49 | 0:17:51 | |
Let's get these trousers sorted. | 0:17:51 | 0:17:53 | |
You all right, Cathy? | 0:18:04 | 0:18:06 | |
Yes, thanks. | 0:18:06 | 0:18:07 | |
It's the first time I've ever had a bath here. | 0:18:08 | 0:18:11 | |
-Right. -It's so tiny. | 0:18:11 | 0:18:13 | |
-You feeling better? -I am, thank you. | 0:18:15 | 0:18:17 | |
Oh, Beth. | 0:18:18 | 0:18:19 | |
Honestly, I don't know what I'd do without you. | 0:18:22 | 0:18:25 | |
You, and your little bath and your cheap dressing gown. | 0:18:25 | 0:18:31 | |
You are a godsend, missus. | 0:18:31 | 0:18:34 | |
FRONT DOOR OPENS | 0:18:35 | 0:18:37 | |
I had a bath. | 0:18:47 | 0:18:49 | |
To relax myself. | 0:18:49 | 0:18:51 | |
You had a bath here? | 0:18:51 | 0:18:53 | |
-Yes. -In that wee...? -Yes! | 0:18:53 | 0:18:55 | |
Cathy, are you sure you want to chuck all this? | 0:18:55 | 0:18:57 | |
It does seem a terrible waste. | 0:18:57 | 0:19:00 | |
The thought of having any of it near me... | 0:19:00 | 0:19:02 | |
It's not been touched, Cathy. | 0:19:02 | 0:19:04 | |
-We have searched the entire place, haven't we, Eric? -Aye. | 0:19:04 | 0:19:07 | |
And it's honestly only that one drawer he's had a go at. | 0:19:07 | 0:19:10 | |
Oh! | 0:19:10 | 0:19:11 | |
I think it's probably been an impulse thing. | 0:19:11 | 0:19:12 | |
You know, just when he's opened it and seen the pants, it's obviously just... | 0:19:12 | 0:19:17 | |
Why don't we throw all the pants out and just wash everything else? | 0:19:17 | 0:19:21 | |
I'm not washing 20 bags of clothes, Colin! | 0:19:21 | 0:19:24 | |
Aye, but you canny just chuck away all your clothes. | 0:19:24 | 0:19:26 | |
-We could go to a laundrette. -A laundrette? | 0:19:26 | 0:19:28 | |
A service wash - you pay someone to do it all for you | 0:19:28 | 0:19:31 | |
so you don't have to do it all yourself. | 0:19:31 | 0:19:33 | |
I've already had one stranger rummaging through my stuff, thank you! | 0:19:33 | 0:19:37 | |
Well...well, what about if it's not a stranger? | 0:19:37 | 0:19:41 | |
What do you mean? | 0:19:41 | 0:19:42 | |
Well, we could get someone we know to do it. | 0:19:42 | 0:19:45 | |
You know, somebody you trust. | 0:19:46 | 0:19:48 | |
Somebody who you've seen hanging out the washing | 0:19:50 | 0:19:53 | |
and would never say no to you at a time like this. | 0:19:53 | 0:19:56 | |
Everything on a 60, please, Beth. | 0:20:04 | 0:20:06 | |
And none of the own-brand fabric conditioner. | 0:20:06 | 0:20:09 | |
I don't want to smell like the inside of a taxi! | 0:20:09 | 0:20:12 | |
How you feeling now, Cathy? | 0:20:22 | 0:20:24 | |
Much better, thank you, Christine. | 0:20:25 | 0:20:27 | |
I always find that a good soak calms me down as well. | 0:20:27 | 0:20:31 | |
Mm. | 0:20:31 | 0:20:32 | |
Good for softening up your toenails if they're due a clip, too. | 0:20:32 | 0:20:36 | |
I actually prefer a bath to a shower. | 0:20:37 | 0:20:40 | |
And I'd never wash my hair in a bath. | 0:20:41 | 0:20:44 | |
Water that you've used to wash your undercarriage then being | 0:20:44 | 0:20:49 | |
used for over your head! | 0:20:49 | 0:20:50 | |
Oh, no! No, no, that's a no-no, Cath. | 0:20:50 | 0:20:53 | |
Right, let's take a look at these. | 0:20:55 | 0:20:57 | |
I want everything double double-checked | 0:20:57 | 0:21:00 | |
and, if there's any sign of anything, it goes in the bin! | 0:21:00 | 0:21:03 | |
That's fair enough. | 0:21:03 | 0:21:05 | |
Oh, there's your Puffa there, Cathy. | 0:21:06 | 0:21:09 | |
Oh, that's nice. | 0:21:09 | 0:21:10 | |
I hope they haven't cum on that. | 0:21:10 | 0:21:11 | |
Seems all right. | 0:21:13 | 0:21:14 | |
Beth? Puffa jacket coming through. | 0:21:14 | 0:21:17 | |
Oh, do not tumble-dry it! | 0:21:17 | 0:21:19 | |
What's in this one? | 0:21:20 | 0:21:21 | |
-Oh! -What is it? | 0:21:24 | 0:21:26 | |
It's your, er, bras. | 0:21:26 | 0:21:27 | |
They've got a drawer to themselves. | 0:21:28 | 0:21:30 | |
-We'd better check them. -Oh, yes! | 0:21:30 | 0:21:33 | |
It's frilly stuff, in't it? | 0:21:33 | 0:21:34 | |
Mm-hm. That is just the kind of thing that would get his tail right up in the air. | 0:21:34 | 0:21:39 | |
Right, Ian, tip them out. | 0:21:39 | 0:21:41 | |
Oh, God! | 0:21:41 | 0:21:42 | |
Ian. | 0:21:44 | 0:21:45 | |
Eric, get your big middle light on so we can see what we've got here. | 0:21:47 | 0:21:52 | |
Oh! | 0:22:01 | 0:22:02 | |
-Nah, it's just a bit of fluff. -Oh! | 0:22:04 | 0:22:06 | |
Here. Cathy, do you want these gel things taken out before you | 0:22:08 | 0:22:12 | |
put them in the machine? | 0:22:12 | 0:22:13 | |
Beth can sort all that. | 0:22:13 | 0:22:14 | |
That purple one's my favourite, Ian - I always wear that | 0:22:16 | 0:22:20 | |
if we're staying in a hotel. | 0:22:20 | 0:22:21 | |
Christ, how many bras does she need? | 0:22:25 | 0:22:27 | |
I've only got my good Marks & Spencer one for going out | 0:22:27 | 0:22:31 | |
and my old Cross Your Heart for round the house. | 0:22:31 | 0:22:33 | |
PHONE RINGS | 0:22:33 | 0:22:36 | |
Hi, Pat. I'm in at Beth's. | 0:22:37 | 0:22:39 | |
Oh, shitstorm! | 0:22:39 | 0:22:42 | |
Well, Gordon's trousers are too long | 0:22:42 | 0:22:44 | |
and somebody's shot their load into Cathy's knicker drawer. | 0:22:44 | 0:22:48 | |
Unbelievable, Pat... | 0:22:48 | 0:22:49 | |
I thought, when that phone went, it might have been the police ringing you. | 0:22:49 | 0:22:53 | |
That's a point, actually - you've not told them about this, have you? | 0:22:53 | 0:22:56 | |
-Eh? -They know about the break-in, but they don't know about him going in the drawers. | 0:22:56 | 0:23:00 | |
Honest to God, Pat, I've been in and out Accessorise like a whore | 0:23:00 | 0:23:03 | |
at a truckstop, and I still cannae find anything to go with it. | 0:23:03 | 0:23:06 | |
Well, they did say just to ring if there was anything else. | 0:23:06 | 0:23:10 | |
Well, go and tell them, Colin! | 0:23:10 | 0:23:13 | |
Ah, right, Pat. OK, then. Over and out. | 0:23:13 | 0:23:16 | |
I think the moths might have been at this one, Cathy. | 0:23:19 | 0:23:23 | |
Is there spunk on it or not? | 0:23:23 | 0:23:25 | |
Hello, it's Colin Whyte here. You were out seeing us | 0:23:25 | 0:23:29 | |
earlier in Latimer Crescent. | 0:23:29 | 0:23:31 | |
Aye, that's right, we were broken into. | 0:23:31 | 0:23:34 | |
No, she...she's calmed down a bit. She...she's had a bath. | 0:23:35 | 0:23:38 | |
Erm, what it is is that | 0:23:38 | 0:23:42 | |
whoever's done the break-in has also done something else. | 0:23:42 | 0:23:45 | |
Something a bit dirty. | 0:23:46 | 0:23:48 | |
No, no, it's not a shite. | 0:23:49 | 0:23:51 | |
They've, well - how can I put this? - | 0:23:52 | 0:23:56 | |
they've wanked onto my wife's pants. | 0:23:56 | 0:23:59 | |
Oh, here she is! It's like sale week at Oxfam here, | 0:24:02 | 0:24:05 | |
and you're farting about in that kitchen. | 0:24:05 | 0:24:08 | |
Excuse me, Christine, it's a Chinese laundry in there! | 0:24:08 | 0:24:11 | |
Beth, plenty of those little sheets in with the tumble-dryer, | 0:24:11 | 0:24:15 | |
please, so nothing smells of your house. | 0:24:15 | 0:24:18 | |
Oh, Gordon, I forgot your trousers! | 0:24:20 | 0:24:22 | |
Oh, it's fine, don't you worry about that! | 0:24:22 | 0:24:24 | |
I was just going to stick my jeans back on, if that's OK. | 0:24:24 | 0:24:27 | |
-No! -Eh? | 0:24:27 | 0:24:28 | |
Stay in bare legs! | 0:24:28 | 0:24:29 | |
You stay in bare legs until your trousers are ready! | 0:24:29 | 0:24:33 | |
What's this stuff here, Cathy? | 0:24:33 | 0:24:34 | |
Uh! Let me see. | 0:24:34 | 0:24:36 | |
Och, it's just bags and belts. It'll be fine, Cathy. | 0:24:36 | 0:24:39 | |
Oh, God! | 0:24:39 | 0:24:41 | |
Oh, oh, I remember this. | 0:24:44 | 0:24:47 | |
Oh, I've not worn that for ages. | 0:24:47 | 0:24:50 | |
I bought that in Crete, Gordon. | 0:24:51 | 0:24:53 | |
Oh, I love Greece, me. | 0:24:53 | 0:24:55 | |
No, CRETE, Gordon! | 0:24:55 | 0:24:56 | |
Let's have a wee look at it, Cathy. | 0:24:58 | 0:25:00 | |
That's lovely. | 0:25:00 | 0:25:01 | |
Yeah, that's nice in't it, Beth? | 0:25:03 | 0:25:04 | |
Yeah, very nice. | 0:25:06 | 0:25:07 | |
-Oh, that suits you, Christine. -Do you think? | 0:25:07 | 0:25:10 | |
Mm-hm. It's just a wee cheap thing from a little guy in the market. | 0:25:10 | 0:25:14 | |
I think that would go with that dress I've got for this wedding. | 0:25:14 | 0:25:18 | |
What do you think, Beth? | 0:25:18 | 0:25:19 | |
Er, yeah. Very nice. | 0:25:19 | 0:25:21 | |
-Have it. -Eh? | 0:25:22 | 0:25:24 | |
-Take it. -Are you sure? | 0:25:24 | 0:25:26 | |
In fact, there's a bag to go with it as well. | 0:25:26 | 0:25:30 | |
Are you sure, Cathy? | 0:25:30 | 0:25:31 | |
Take them both. | 0:25:31 | 0:25:33 | |
Christine, I would like you to have them. | 0:25:33 | 0:25:36 | |
Thanks very much. | 0:25:37 | 0:25:38 | |
Oh, give the inside of that a wipe, though. | 0:25:38 | 0:25:41 | |
I'm sure I brought half a kebab home in it the last time I used it. | 0:25:41 | 0:25:44 | |
So, what did they say? | 0:25:46 | 0:25:47 | |
Well, he's taken all the details, | 0:25:47 | 0:25:50 | |
and I've given him as much information as I could. | 0:25:50 | 0:25:52 | |
Is that it? | 0:25:52 | 0:25:53 | |
Well... | 0:25:54 | 0:25:56 | |
..there was one other thing. | 0:25:56 | 0:25:57 | |
What was that? | 0:25:57 | 0:25:59 | |
He said, obviously, it could be a random attacker who just | 0:25:59 | 0:26:02 | |
seized the opportunity to have a... | 0:26:02 | 0:26:05 | |
All right, Colin! | 0:26:05 | 0:26:06 | |
However, very often, in cases such as this, | 0:26:06 | 0:26:10 | |
-it can actually be someone you know that's done it. -Eh? | 0:26:10 | 0:26:13 | |
-That's what he said. -Och, that's ridiculous! | 0:26:13 | 0:26:16 | |
Well, he's asked me to make a list of anybody | 0:26:16 | 0:26:18 | |
that we know that had knowledge of our whereabouts, | 0:26:18 | 0:26:21 | |
would have known that we were away and the place was empty. | 0:26:21 | 0:26:24 | |
Who's familiar with where stuff is in the house. | 0:26:24 | 0:26:28 | |
Anyone who might be a bit of an oddball, | 0:26:28 | 0:26:32 | |
or seems as though they could potentially have | 0:26:32 | 0:26:35 | |
a sexually...deviant streak. | 0:26:35 | 0:26:37 | |
What? | 0:26:44 | 0:26:45 | |
DOG BARKS | 0:26:49 | 0:26:51 | |
-You all right, Cathy? -Oh, I'm fine. I've just got some Bacardi... | 0:27:04 | 0:27:07 | |
Shh! | 0:27:07 | 0:27:08 | |
..in a mug for during the night. | 0:27:08 | 0:27:10 | |
Shh! Right, anything else you need? | 0:27:10 | 0:27:13 | |
No, I'm fine, I'm fine. | 0:27:13 | 0:27:14 | |
-Colin's going to pop round... -Shh, Shh! | 0:27:14 | 0:27:16 | |
..with my dressing gown. | 0:27:16 | 0:27:18 | |
OK? This one's OK, but I just don't like it. | 0:27:18 | 0:27:22 | |
Right. Well, goodnight, Cath. | 0:27:23 | 0:27:25 | |
Night-night. | 0:27:25 | 0:27:26 | |
Oh, Beth. I'm sorry for accusing Eric of... | 0:27:28 | 0:27:31 | |
Don't worry about it. | 0:27:31 | 0:27:32 | |
-I know he'd never do anything like it. -Honestly... | 0:27:32 | 0:27:35 | |
I know he's not tall enough to reach, | 0:27:35 | 0:27:38 | |
so there's no way he could get his... | 0:27:38 | 0:27:39 | |
Let's just try and forget about it, OK? | 0:27:39 | 0:27:42 | |
Oh, f...! | 0:27:53 | 0:27:54 | |
# Well, come on, baby Cos I wanna do | 0:27:54 | 0:27:57 | |
# That washing machine boogie with you | 0:27:57 | 0:28:00 | |
# Hear that washer slapping 'em clean | 0:28:00 | 0:28:02 | |
# I love the sound of your washing machine | 0:28:02 | 0:28:04 | |
# Slip-slap, slap-sloo | 0:28:04 | 0:28:07 | |
# Come on, honey, and I wanna do | 0:28:07 | 0:28:08 | |
# The washing machine boogie with you | 0:28:09 | 0:28:11 | |
# Slip-slap, slap-sloo | 0:28:14 | 0:28:16 | |
# Come on, honey, and I wanna do | 0:28:16 | 0:28:19 | |
# The washing machine boogie with you. # | 0:28:19 | 0:28:21 |