Episode 2 Children Talking

What do you think about these emotions?

I can really get angry.

I feel all tense,

and if I just get hold of the one who's taken my crisps,

I, um... I would... I'd feel like...doing something bad to him.

What do you do when you get in a temper?

Well, if I'm in the dining room and I'm getting angry,

I just go out of the door, close the door

and make funny faces at the door.

What makes you angry in life?

Well, all sorts of things, really.

Um...

Well, sometimes people get aggravating, you know?

When do they get aggravating?

Well, you know, occasionally my brother gets

a bit aggravating, you know?

He's 18 years old now.

And what does he do to you?

Well, you know, he's got a girlfriend

so he gets a bit sort of highered up when I go out with her for a bit.

How do you mean?

Well, he gets a bit...

You know, he likes being with her all the time,

so while he goes upstairs and gets changed,

I have a little chat with Linda.

Do you? What does your brother say about that?

Well, that's what he gets a bit, you know, aggravating with, you know?

I bet he does. What does he say to you?

Well, it's more thumping and fighting and that, you know,

between the two.

And how do you feel then?

Well, I don't mind it all that much.

You know, you get used to it after a bit.

Do you lose your temper very often?

Um... Not very often. I do sometimes.

What happens when you do?

Well, I go red in the face and then I go off...

I normally go upstairs, put my head under my pillow and start sulking.

Do you ever have a struggle with yourself

and try to stop yourself from getting angry?

Yes. I try counting to ten but I can never do it.

And how would you feel when you get angry against your brother?

Ooh, I go red in the face.

What makes you do that, do you think?

Um... Well, it's probably a natural reaction.

How much can you sort of control this tensed-up feeling that you get?

Oh! To quite an extent, really.

Oh. How?

How can you control it?

Well, you know, it's a sort of willpower.

And what do you do with your willpower?

What do you say to yourself?

Stop it, I don't like getting thumped.

Do you know an important person?

Yes, my mummy thinks she's important when she gets new clothes

and she tries them on

and she's very pleased with herself for getting them.

Who do you say is important?

Well, Mr Wilson's important because you can't criticise him.

What about you?

What kind of a job do you think the Prime Minister's got?

I think he's got a very easy one cos he plans to do things

but he doesn't get round to do them.

I've never met the Prime Minister, but I've got his autograph

and I've got the Foreign Secretary's, Mr...um, Brown.

They're both terrible writers -

if I wrote like that, I would get wrung off the teacher.

What would the teacher say?

She would say, "You're a naughty, naughty little girl."

Well, I think football referees are very important

in World Cup matches, FA Cup final matches

and other such matches as these.

But in league matches, no, they're not all that important.

Why not?

Well, half the time they don't know what they're doing.

Well, the pop groups are very important

because, I mean, without them, we wouldn't have any...

Well, at least they bring in money for the records

and we have to have a pop singer

to go into the Eurovision Song Contest,

and if we win, more people from other countries buy our records

so we get more money to put into the bank.

You're the head boy here - are you an important person?

Yes, I suppose I am, really.

Can you remember when you first got this authority, what that was like?

Well, yes, I can remember.

I was very worried of whether I would get the job -

I wasn't certain at all.

And I was almost certain

that either Kevin Corner or Stephen Sheer would get the job.

And I was off school for about a day with worrying.

Me mam said it was with worrying, but I didn't really know.

And then when I got to the school,

Mr Glover called all these people into the hall,

and I thought, "Oh, this must be it. I must be a monitor or something."

And...then Mr Glover said that the staff had...

"The staff and I have decided who's going to be the head boy,"

and he called out my name.

I really got the shock of me life and I didn't know what had happened.

Well, what about being important like this and having authority -

is it worthwhile?

Yes, it's very worthwhile.

It gives me a sense of responsibility.

I feel that I've got a job to do

and I must do it.

I think the sergeant majors think that they're important

because the way they boss soldiers around that are under their rank.

For instance, on the parades in front of generals,

they shout about the soldiers like,

"Attention!

"March!"

And why do you think they shout at the soldiers like that?

Because they want to show how important they are

and because they're thick.

Have you ever met anybody who thought he was important?

Well, once I did.

There was this park I was playing in.

I was on these rocks at the edge of the water

and this park keeper came along.

You know, he was all la-di-da, thinking he was great.

I suppose he'd just got the job. Anyhow, he was only about 20.

Well, anyhow, I was sitting on the rocks

just watching the lads fishing, and he came over -

"Hey, get off the..." You know?

Just going on as though he was great and showing off and boasting.

What did you think about him?

Well, I thought he was a bit stupid.

How much do you think it matters what you look like?

Well, if you're going for a job,

the people who are going to give you a job

think that only the appearance matters,

not the character,

and so they give jobs to people who look good-looking

and...quite trendy and stuff like that and rich.

Say if you were going to visit somebody who you know very well

and say he was a major in the army or something like that,

and you want to look your best to go there for you going out to tea,

so and you want to look your best.

So what do you wear when you're going to see a major?

Well, you could wear your best dress if you were a girl

and your best suit if you were a man.

Well, it doesn't really matter at all, because when...

Well, it's when they're ugly,

they might, they might be very nice,

and when they look nice, they might be horrible.

How would you like to look yourself?

-All nice.

-How, though?

Um...

Nice face.

What sort of face would you choose if you could?

My own face.

Why do women wear fashionable clothes, do you think?

Well, to get boyfriends, and...

How do you mean?

Well, if they look nice and pretty and go to the dance,

-you know, boys go...

-HE WOLF-WHISTLES

And...they just want boyfriends, to get them.

What's wrong with the way some women look these days, then?

Well, some people dress up mad.

-How do you mean?

-They sort of...

They've got fringes on the bottom of their legs.

And they pour all ink on... The boys put ink on their jeans

and make themselves look a mess and have long hair.

And the girls have funny dresses on.

They're all jazzy colours.

Why do they do it, do you think?

To be mod.

Keep up-to-date with everybody else.

And what's wrong with some of these fashions and...?

Too many holes in the dresses.

-Too many holes in them?

-Must be draughty.

Now, why do these women go to so much trouble over their appearance?

Well, they want to look smart,

they want to look the best out of all their friends and relations.

They want to boast about it,

they want to be the smartest and the prettiest

and all this sort of thing.

They want to be the best out of them.

-What do you think of them?

-Well... Um...

They want to look...

Well, they look a bit posh, a bit over-smart, I should say.

Well, I think it's all craters and...

..full of... Well, they say cheese, but I don't think it is.

I just think it's...big craters...

-Yeah.

-..with little craters next to it

and big shiny rocks and...

Why don't you think it's cheese?

Well, from colour...no.

We would make a rocket and sneak out of the door

and we would get in it and fly up to space.

And he will come to my house

-and he could help me make a rocket.

-Yeah.

Cos I've got loads of wood and my daddy doesn't want it.

-And we could make...

-Big pieces?!

-Mm.

And we can paint it.

And that'd get you to the moon, would it?

Yes, cos I'd put some special controls in...

-Yeah.

-..and brakes.

-Are you sure it'd be big enough to take you to the moon?

-Yes.

-Yes.

Cos we'd make it that wide.

Or make it as big as we can.

Yes. As long as we've got enough wood.

-Why...

-We'll make it as big as this room.

-Why wouldn't...

-Yes, we'll make it bigger than this room.

Why wouldn't you take your mummy and daddy with you to the moon?

Cos we don't want them to send us to bed at our bedtime -

-we want to go to bed whenever we want to.

-Yes.

Do you think there are any humans there already?

Not like us.

What would they be like, then?

Oh, I don't know. They might have three arms. I don't know.

Three arms?

What do you think they'd do when people like us arrive?

Well, they might try and attack us or they might be frightened.

What would you do to try and make them friendly?

Give them things.

What would you give them?

Well, the things you've taken from home.

But what sort of things would appeal to men with three arms?

A pair of gloves and an odd one.

I think they would be green with black spots on

and they'll have a little hook on the top of the head.

-What's the hook for?

-Hanging coats on.

-It would be quite exciting, really.

-Yeah.

All the Martian robots attacking.

Well...

-Do you think you could go?

-Well...

-Well, there's no oxygen up there.

No, well, there isn't, actually, so if there's no oxygen...

You can't breathe.

-Well, you couldn't breathe without any oxygen, could you?

-No.

-So...

-But if you took a plant up there

with oxygen tanks on that lasts an hour

and you put the plant in and it breathes out oxygen,

you could live up there.

But how would you get the plants up there?

-How would you get you up there?

-In a rocket.

In a rocket, I should think, because...

Two rockets soldered together!

Because if you wanted to jump up to the moon,

you'd only go about several feet

and if you wanted to go in a plane,

that wouldn't go very high either cos it's really faraway.

Do you think there should be things like pubs on the moon and that?

Well, no, I wouldn't say that

because we've got enough boozers down here.

Why should we have them up there as well?

Well, they couldn't have come from Jupiter

because that, phew, it's horribly gassy there,

so they couldn't have come from there...

And they couldn't have come from Uranus either - that's freezing.

-Oh, no.

-Or Pluto either. Ooh!

-Pluto, that's ever so faraway.

If you two went to the moon,

what would you like to leave behind most?

Oh, well, not school - I'd like to take school with us.

-Ew, would you?!

-Yes!

-Ew, ew...

What would you leave behind, then?

What would I leave behind?

I wouldn't go with my brother, not on your life.

Who would you take with you?

Poor people and people who are honest.

I wouldn't take royal people cos I don't like 'em.

-Don't you?

-No.

-Don't you think you'd need royal people on the moon?

-No.

How would you sort them out?

Well, I'd try and tell to them that you'd have to be good

and if they were royal, I'd say, "You're royal no more

"and you're just the same as the other people."

Who would be royal on the moon? Who would be the leader?

-Who would be the king and the queen?

-Me.

I wouldn't take any girls.

-Why not?

-I don't like them.

But wouldn't you need them

if you are going to start a new race, you know?

-No.

-No?

-No.

What would you do without them?

Yeah, we'd need them for cooking.

Do you think? Cooking?

-Yeah, and housework.

-And housework.

-Is that all girls do, you think?

-No.

How would you spend your last day on Earth?

Well, I'd read, um...history books.

What about?

About Custer's Last Stand and anything like that.

Why would you do that before you went to the moon?

Because I like it.

-Would it do you any good, though?

-Well, yes.

What good would it do you?

It would keep my mind refreshed.

Well, I'd go to an hotel...

-Yeah.

-..ask for a spare room.

-Yeah.

After I've had my dinner...

..and if I've had a drink,

-I might go into a bar...

-Yeah.

-..and I'll have a pint.

A pint, would you?

And then you'd be all ready to go to the moon?

-Not yet, not yet.

-Oh, what, what next?

Well, after I've had my dinner...

..and had a lie-down for two hours or so...

..go back to bar and have another pint.

Hey, you'll be drunk by the time you got on the moon.

And then have a good morning's sleep...

..and then ready for takeoff in morning.

Where do you say a baby comes from?

They come from a little tiny seed

what grows in your body and it grows bigger

and they, the mother has an operation

and when they have an operation,

they take it out and a little baby...

It cracks a little bit and then it cracks more

and a baby comes out and they feed out of something with milk

and then, when they're bigger, they can have a bottle and a dummy.

But what is it that cracks?

-Seed.

-The seed...with the baby in?

Because the baby has to grow first.

Where does the seed come from?

It grows.

Have you got a baby in your house?

Yes, but she isn't actually a baby - she's a toddler.

-She's a toddler.

-Yes.

What do you think about her?

Well, I'm a bit proud of her, but the thing is, she's a nuisance.

-A nuisance?

-Yes.

-In what way?

-Hm?

-In what way?

Well...

..we've got a double sink in our kitchen

and sometimes she goes to the sink when Mummy wants to go

and then Mummy has to move to the other sink

because she's playing ddwr bach, it's called in Welsh.

You know, she's got a teapot, her little tea set,

and plays with a little water on the sink.

-And this is called what?

-Ddwr bach.

Ddwr bach.

-In English, little water.

-HE LAUGHS

Do you want a baby?

How would you look after it? What would you do with it?

I'll feed its bottle - I know how to do that,

change its nappy - I know how to do that.

Is there a baby in your house?

Mm, well, no.

-Would you like there to be one?

-Yes.

Why? What would you do if you had one?

Play with him quite a lot.

And sometimes I'd stop him being naughty.

Why would you like to have a baby to play with?

Well, so I'd have someone else to play with,

cos I've got a game of snakes and ladders and ludo

and I haven't got anyone to play it with.

Well, I think Parliament, myself, is a good idea.

But the trouble is you hear more of it on television than other things.

I expect it would be a good idea

just to have one programme on Parliament on the television.

Well, it was nice and it was attractive in a lot of the places

and there was the Lord's...place

and the...Queen's Robing Chamber place

and I thought the throne thing was nice.

And there were two lobbies -

the Aye lobby and the Nay lobby

and they were both quite nice.

Were you surprised by anything?

Yes, I was surprised by not finding any ashtrays around.

How do you mean?

Well, I thought the Lords would, you know, like smoking.

-Did you look for ashtrays?

-Yes. I didn't see any around.

How does Parliament work? What happens?

Well, em, the Commons...

The Houses of Commons,

they talk to the Chancellor of the Exchequer

and they ask him what's going to go up.

They put sweets up, which I don't want the sweets to go up.

And things...cigarettes,

but...Mr Wilson, I think, tells them not to put tobacco up

cos he smokes tobacco in his pipe,

so that's not fair they'll put tobacco up.

Who can tell me what an MP does all day?

What do you think a whip does in Parliament?

A whip?

Whips people.

What for?

Cos they've been bad.

What sort of a life does an MP have? Does he have it easy, do you think?

Yes, I think he has it easy because he just sits in his office

and works out bills and doesn't do any hard work like...

..being a road sweeper or driving a big lorry.

Some MPs say the conditions in the House aren't fit to work in -

what do you think?

I think it's all right and I wouldn't mind it for me 'ome.

-You'd like to live in there, would you?

-Yeah.

What would you do with it?

Well, I wouldn't send it to America, that's for a start.

You wouldn't? Why not?

Well, cos they've got Queen Elizabeth,

they've got Queen Mary,

and they're going to have the London Bridge.

They're going to have nearly all the things that we're going to have.

So what would you do with the Houses of Parliament?

I'd add little things.

What sort of little things would you add?

-The Mona Lisa.

-The Mona Lisa?

What else?

Buy another throne and buy some other crowns

from other countries if they've got them spare.

What were the members doing? Was it all very lively?

No, they were asleep.

Some gentleman had his feet up on a chair

and he was leaning right back snoring.

Did anybody take any notice of him?

No, it was just a bit of a laugh, I thought.

They were all laughing about. It was like a comedy show.

I thought it would be a bit more serious than it was.

Supposing you had a home of your own

and you had some people in for dinner,

what's the best thing?

-Cheese pie.

-Pie?

-Cheese pie.

-Can you make cheese pie?

-Yes.

How?

The first course would be fish, because I like that.

And the second course would be...

stew or soup or something like that,

something extravagant.

And...well, I don't know what I'd give them for the third lot.

Anything they liked, I suppose.

Fruit cocktail, nice fresh fruit salad

and things like that.

-Do you like them as well?

-Yes.

I wouldn't give them anything I didn't like.

Your idea of an ideal home -

what would it be like and where would it be?

I'd have... In an island, and I'd have...

I'd have servants.

Um...

I'd have servants doing all the work sometimes.

I'd let them have, like, days off -

Sunday and Saturday and...Monday and Wednesday,

something like that.

Why would it be on an island?

So you can be all by yourself then.

Nobody's bossing you around,

like the Queen saying you've got to do this,

you've got to pay your rates and all this.

Well, I think most men do help, but some men are very lazy.

What about you? Where would your ideal home be?

Well, probably under the sea.

Em...

Roundabout where there's lots of coral and oysters.

-Lots of...?

-Coral and oysters.

-Is it possible to live under the sea?

-Yes.

Well, how would you breathe?

Well, there'd be an oxygen tank up in the roof

and some pipes coming round to each room -

one for the oxygen to come in and one for the used air to go out.

Before you came here with your caravan and your mother and father,

where else have you lived?

Bradford, Axbridge and Southend and...Colchester.

-Do you like moving about like this from place to place?

-No.

-No.

-You don't?

-No.

What would you like to do, then?

I'd like to settle down and go to school.

-You'd like to what?

-Settle down and go to school.

Why would you like to settle down and go to school?

Cos I could read and write.

Why do you want to learn to read and write, then?

Cos I won't be a fool then, would I?

What about you two - are you both real Gypsies?

I'm a real Gypsy.

-Why?

-My mother and father's a Gypsy.

What about you? You don't look like a Gypsy to me.

No, I'm half and half.

-You're half and half?

-Yes.

-What does that mean?

Well, me mum's a Gypsy and me dad's a Gorgie.

Your mum's a Gypsy and your dad's a....?

-Gorgie.

-What's a Gorgie?

Well, someone who lives in the 'ouse.

Well, what about the children at school that live in houses?

-Do you call them Gorgie?

-Yes.

What do you say to them?

Gorgie, Gorgie, live in the 'ouse,

all the rats are running in and out.

-Gorgie, Gorgie...

-Live in the 'ouse,

all the rats are running in and out.

And is that right? People who live in houses...

No.

-They don't have rats really?

-No.

Have you got any other sayings like this?

Any other Gypsy sayings?

-Yes.

-What?

If your wash your hair in May, you washes one of the family away.

What does that mean?

Well, if you washes your hair in May, one of your family dies.

-Is that a Gypsy saying?

-Yes.

-Yes.

-Is it true?

-No.

-No.

But the old Gypsies believes in it.

-The old Gypsies believe in it?

-Yes.

-Yes.

-And you're one of the new Gypsies?

-Yes.

-Yes.

Why don't your mummy and daddy travel about with you now?

Because we're settled down on a site and they likes it here.

Well, when you are travelling about, what is it like for you?

When you're driving about and when you open some window

it's like all cold

and you've got to shut the window again.

And when you travels about and you put the trailer on a towbar,

you got to make sure you put all your crocks down...

All your...?

Your, all your crocks and cups, cos, for our tea,

cos if you leaves them up, they all smash

when they goes over a bump or something, they all smash -

that's why we puts them in a box.

What kind of a job do you want to have?

I'll do the job that me dad does - rag and bone hunter.

-Rag and boning?

-Yes, sir.

-Is that a good job?

-Not quite so bad, sir.

As in...working in the factory. You can earn more money.

-You can earn more money doing rag and boning?

-Yes, sir.

-Do you know how to go about it now?

-Yes, sir.

-Have you done any?

-Yes, sir.

-What do you do?

-So we go round the houses and knock on the door

and ask for any old rags or any old scrap iron.

If they don't, we go out and shut the door behind us.

-You what?

-We go out and shut the door behind us.

And if we don't want to go to the doors,

we can holler out, "Rag bone!"

-You can holler out rag and bone?

-Yes, sir.

And so, yeah, he comes out and says,

"We've got some old scrap here," or anything like that.

We'll come down and fix that with the lorry.

Are you good at hollering out?

Not, not quite so good, but I can do it.

-You can do it?

-Yes, sir.

-Can we hear it?

"Rag bone!"