What's a Girl? My Life

I'm Shelby.

I'm a girl, but some people think that I want to be a boy because of the way that I look.

I'm really happy being a girl and my life is pretty normal.

I'm confident now with being myself and being the way I am, but I wasn't always.

I know some people find it hard to stand out.

In this film, I'm trying to find out what it means to be a girl.

What I really want to know is...

..what's a girl?

'In this film, I'll be meeting different kinds of girls -

'Anna, who'd rather be a pirate than a princess...'

I always play with boys and I'm really, like, rough,

and I'm actually stronger than most boys.

'..Laila, who loves playing football and sparring with boys...

If you like sports that are classed as boy's sports, it doesn't matter. It's what you want to do.

'..and Meg, who is very different from me.'

I really like glittery stuff. I'm really into colour coordinating.

I'm quite a girly-girl.

I'm Shelby and I'm a very sporty, academic type of girl.

I don't like wearing skirts and dresses

and makeup and things like that

because I don't feel comfortable wearing them.

I like to wear jeans, trainers t-shirts, polo shirts, hoodies,

and smart-formal shoes to school.

I like being who I am. I wouldn't change it for anything.

'But I wonder how I got to be the girl I am.

'I guess my first influence is my parents.

'Me and my dad go running together.

'He used to be a fire-fighter. He even won the Silver Axe for bravery.

'My mum loves dresses.

'She sells wedding dresses. Sometimes I model them for her...

'..but only if I get to wear my own shoes!'

There we go. That looks lovely. Brilliant.

'I think Mum and Dad expected me to be a bit more of a girly-girl.'

She did go through a stage of having a really girly bedroom,

with a pink canopy and...

And when you were younger, you were a girly-girly

because we made you a girly-girl,

but you would always rebel against that.

When we'd buy you a beautiful dress, you'd go out and come back covered in mud

because you'd gone running in a stream or something.

-'Sorry!'

-SHE LAUGHS

Probably when you started hitting late 11, 12, into your early teens,

we realised that, actually, we don't have a girly-girl here.

# MUSIC: "Chelsea Dagger" By The Fratellis

Aww!

'Looking at myself as a little girl

'makes me wonder when those ideas about boys and girls start.

'I hope I didn't look as weird as these babies!

'But I can't remember when I first knew I was a girl.

'I'm off to a nursery.'

We're going to meet some three and four year olds

and see what they think about gender,

because when I was that age, I can't remember thinking about what was a boy and what was a girl.

You were just whatever you wanted to be.

Do you think girls are different from boys?

Boys have only short hair, girls have long hair.

-How do you know you're a girl?

-It's because I have long hair.

I'm a boy because I've got short hair.

Put your hand up if you think you're a girl.

You're not a girl!

How do you know he's not a girl?

Because he's called William.

-What do you think I am?

-A girl.

Yay!

What sort of things do you think girls like playing with?

-Fairies.

-Fairies.

I love playing with my princess.

-What do boys like to play with?

-Dinosaurs!

'Fairies and dinosaurs? No surprise there!

'Hm... I have short hair. Charlie's got long hair.

'That doesn't fit with what they said earlier.'

What trousers have you got on? They're like mine, aren't they?

-But they're not the same.

-No.

Do you think girls can wear jeans like yours?

No, don't be silly.

When I asked him if girls can wear trousers like his,

I wouldn't expect a three year old to actually come out and say,

"No, don't be silly!"

CHILDREN CHATTER

'Now, I want to do an experiment.

'When it comes to dressing up,

'is there a difference between what girls and boys will choose?'

I've got some dressing-up clothes here.

You're all allowed to come and dress up as whatever you like.

Ready? One, two, three.

"Dylan's first to the box. What's he going to choose?

"It's a race for the tiger skin.

"Sky pulls out the purple satin and Dylan's going for a Spider-Man.

"No! At the last minute, he's a policeman!"

-Why do you want to be a police officer?

-Because I like them.

-Do you think a girl could wear that?

-No.

-Why's that?

-Because they're only boys.

-Do you think boys could wear a skirt?

-ALL: No!

Boys don't wear skirts

because they look silly in them.

'I guess I asked for that!'

-Why did you pick this one out?

-Because it's for girls.

-Do you think a boy could wear this?

-ALL: No.

'Dylan and his friends have very clear ideas about what they want to wear

'but they're not sure about what suits me.'

I am going to be...

-..a spider policeman.

-THEY LAUGH

Do I still look like a girl, or do I look like a boy?

VARIOUS: A girl! A boy!

'I've really confused them now.'

There was a clear difference between the boys and the girls.

It surprised me a lot because I thought you might get,

like, them not caring what they dressed up as,

like, it's just dressing up, you can be whoever you want to be.

I think someone like me, like, the way I dress,

I just didn't fit into what they thought a girl or a boy...

..would normally dress up as.

I think it just puzzled them a bit

in what they should dress me up as.

How would you describe what a girl is?

Most people think that a girl should have long hair,

is pretty and hangs out a lot.

Obviously, the opposite of a boy.

A less rough boy and... a bit mature.

What type of girl would you class yourself as?

-A tomboy.

-Yes!

I'm a tomboy and I like football.

I skate. I don't wear dresses or skirts.

-What's a tomboy to you?

-A girl that wants to be a boy

and is not too girlish.

A tomboy is a girl who wants to be a boy.

'That wasn't how I felt. I always wanted to be a girl.

'What is it with the word "tomboy" anyway? Why not "tomgirl"?'

When I was seven, I loved going out skateboarding, getting mucky

and helping my granddad fix old motorbikes.

I didn't care what anyone else thought.

We're off to see a girl called Anna today.

She's a real tomboy, from what I've heard.

I'm curious to find out from her

if she thinks she's just a really tomboyish girl,

or if she does actually think that she's a bit more of a boy than a girl.

Today's going to help me bring back memories from when I was her age.

Hello! I'm a pirate!

'Nice beard! Anna is definitely turning herself into a male pirate.'

Have you got any pirate in particular you're going to be?

Jack Sparrow!

'Maybe she hasn't heard of female pirates.'

-Finished!

-Yay!

'Like me when I was younger, Anna loves playing outside.'

-# Let's go!

-# Hey!

# Take it to the top now

# That's right #

She's a really nice girl, really full of energy.

I can remember being really full of energy when I was her age.

What sort of girl would you class yourself as?

A tomboy. Mostly like a boy

because I never really play with girls.

I always play with boys and I'm really, like, rough,

and I'm actually stronger than most boys.

I don't really like playing with girls

-because they mostly like playing Dads and Mums and stuff.

-Yes.

I'm similar to her. Like, people called me a tomboy quite a lot.

I wasn't as similar, like, I really thought I was a boy and I'd rather be a boy.

How do you think you are different from your sister?

She's got, like, these handbags. She's not really into football.

Girls are not really into football. That's, like, we're different.

She's got these girl clothes, as well.

I like wearing boy's clothes. I got out of wearing girl's clothes when I was, like, three years old.

When you look at me,

what type of girl would you think I am?

A tomboy because you're not wearing, like, pink stuff.

-Yes.

-You're in jeans and a good hoodie

-and this really cool top.

-Thank you.

How do you think you will be when you're older?

Erm, like, really like you.

'Meeting Anna made me think about what I was like when I was her age and how different I am now.'

It shocked me, thinking there's people that want to be like me

and said that they want to be the same sort of girl, like I am.

I think it was really... I really liked it,

because it's nice to know that someone likes the way I dress, sort of thing.

I'd rather be a boy because, erm, I kind of like them more

-because girls are a bit, like, annoying and stuff.

-Mm.

I think Anna wants to be a boy

because she thinks boys are cooler and get to do better things.

But when she's older, she will realise that you can be a girl and still do cool things.

There's lots of ideas around about what girls should be like,

especially how they should look.

What is it with pink and girls?

No, no... Definitely not me.

It's a stereotypical colour for girls

and that's why people wear it, to show that they are a girl.

Definitely not.

No way.

I wouldn't wear that. Not me.

Princesses... What is it about princesses?

Maybe they tested it out. Maybe a girl said,

"I like that. You should use it on everything that's girly"

and then they did.

No wonder I feel different when all these magazines tell me

I'm "supposed" to look a certain way and like certain things.

Not interested.

Would never wear that.

Seriously?

I think a girly-girl is someone that likes pink and purple, likes shopping.

Who likes to wear dresses and to put on lots of makeup.

Loves shoes.

Likes fairies.

Really likes fashion and pink.

And goes crazy when they hear the word "shoes".

I'm off to meet a girl called Meg.

I'm really curious to see what her style is like

and how different it is from mine.

I'm really interested in seeing, like, what her perceptions are of me

and what she thinks of my style compared to her style.

I'm Meg. My favourite colour's pink and purple.

I love wearing dresses and flowers and that kind of thing.

I think my worst outfit to ever wear

would be something with a hat and baggy jeans.

This is my bedroom.

I'm quite a girly-girl so I've got jewellery and stuff.

That's all my makeup and that's my scarves and stuff.

What do you like doing?

Football and a lot of sport and a lot of drama,

so my bedroom's full of, like, sport stuff.

I'm quite sporty

but not in a football kind of a way!

I really like glittery stuff.

-I'm really into colour coordinating.

-Yes.

I'm quite a girly-girl.

We're two completely different people.

I found it quite hard because it was all about makeup

and really girly things and, like jewellery.

If you're going out every day,

what sort of things would you wear more of?

I suppose this is my normal style, like shorts or skirts and tights and stuff.

'I hope Meg's up for a challenge.'

I have brought some stuff along for you to try on,

which is what sort of things I would wear

-and, like, things that you probably wouldn't wear.

-OK.

'Meg's bringing out stuff for me to try on.

-'I should've seen this coming.'

-Would you rather wear a skirt and top or a dress with leggings?

I don't know. I'd probably just wear a top, really, because I wouldn't...

So a skirt and a top, or a skirt and leggings or something?

Hm... I don't know. It depends.

Would you wear some leggings and a top like that?

-Not normally, I wouldn't.

-Would you be willing to wear it today?

My reaction to having to swap clothes

was quite a strong reaction,

and I felt really unhappy and really...

..I didn't feel that confident

and I felt really uncomfortable wearing it

because I physically didn't want to wear it.

'But if Meg's up for it, I suppose I'll have to give it a go.'

I'm not enjoying these dresses. And Meg's not having a great time, either.

It's a horrible feeling,

just, like, being so uncomfortable in clothes.

We were planning to go into town in each other's outfits

but, to be honest, I really cannot do it,

so back on with my chinos and a girly top.

We head for the shops, with Meg in the baggy jeans and hoodie.

Wearing those clothes,

baggy jeans and things, it was really uncomfortable

and I felt really anxious wearing it,

and also I felt self-conscious, like people were looking at me

and that kind of thing,

and so I didn't really like wearing them

and so I didn't think I'd wear them again.

I don't think I was me. I felt like somebody different.

'I guess what you wear is a sign that tells people who you are,

'which is why I just couldn't go out in that dress.

'You're braver than me, Meg.'

-They're amazing! I really want to wear them!

-I really don't like them. No.

I really like this. It's so nice.

'We don't have the same taste, but even I surprise myself sometimes.

'Maybe we have something in common after all.'

Actually, I would wear those if they were shorter.

You can wear them with jeans, as well.

-Probably not the jeans I've got on, though.

-They're nice!

Meeting Shelby made me think,

even though people dress differently even though they're the same gender,

people can dress how they want

and you don't have to hold that against them.

I like these!

MEG LAUGHS

Even though they do stand out,

good for them for, like,

liking something different and not just following the crowd.

It's perfectly fine to be different.

Meg was really nice. I got on well with her.

She's different to me in a lot of different ways.

I find it quite hard to sit down and have a conversation about, like,

being a girl and what it means to be a girl

because I couldn't get my head around

her thoughts and feelings about being a girl.

It just made me realise, I think, that actually

it does matter where you are and what you wear,

because, like, walking down the street in a dress,

for me, isn't right

and I don't feel comfortable wearing that.

Whereas walking down the street wearing a pair of jeans and maybe a hoodie

would feel comfortable for me and I would feel right in the place where I am.

It's not just how girls look

but what we do that can make us stand out.

I'm really sporty but I'm often the only girl up for rugby, football or hockey.

Some people even think, because I'm a girl,

I'm not supposed to like playing football.

Rugby is a big no-no.

I can't do kung fu because I might hurt myself.

And I'm far too fragile for boxing.

I'm not the only girl who likes to play rough.

Laila's 11 and she's well into martial arts.

FAST-PACED MUSIC

All the girls here are doing really cool stuff.

It's great to see Laila giving it some.

But I'm not the kind of girl to sit on the sidelines and watch.

I want to get in there.

SHE GRUNTS

What made you decide to do martial arts in the first place?

I'm moving to secondary school, so Mum wanted me to learn self-defence so I could take care of myself.

Who do you prefer fighting with the most? Is it the boys or the girls?

Sometimes the boys because if I beat them afterwards, it proves I've done something.

But the girls are fun.

I'm going up against Laila. I'm excited and a bit nervous.

I think she might be tougher than she looks.

Ready to go? OK, guys, face each other. Feet together.

Hands at your side. And bow.

OK. Ready positions. Hands up.

You can go for it, all right? She's pretty tough.

MUSIC: "Do It Like A Brother" by Jessie J

Hi-ya!

No!

GIRLS GRUNT

OK, I'm not match for Laila at sparring,

but lucky for me, she also likes football...

..and plays on a boys' team with her friend Molly.

Because of all the sports you do, does anybody ever say anything

-and call you tomboys and things?

-A few people call my a tomboy.

But it's just the way you want to be,

-and if you like martial arts or football...

-Yes.

..or sports that are classed as boy's sports, it doesn't matter, it's what you want to do.

I'm in the school play. We do a summer production at the end of the year.

Last year I went for a talking part

and some people laughed, as if to say, "You're a tomboy.

"Why are you doing singing and dancing?"

and acting as if I can only be one thing.

-But it's just, people judge you before they actually know you.

-Yes.

When you're acting, you can do anything because you're someone else.

Laila's moving up to secondary school next year.

Out of everyone I've met, I found that Laila was most like me

because I found it easy to talk to her and have a good laugh with her.

Oh! Look at that skill!

I think, as well, because I've done secondary school

and she's just moving up to secondary school,

I found it easy to talk to her about how it is to fit in there.

Are you excited for when you go up to secondary school or are you a bit nervous?

I'm actually more excited to go to secondary school

than I was to come to school right at the beginning,

because you can start again and be who you really are.

When I first moved to secondary school,

I started hanging round with all the girls who were classed as...

-Girly-girls.

-Girly-girls.

-People who weren't your type.

-Yes.

And then I started realising, "I don't feel comfortable. This isn't what I feel like."

Then started being myself, and I made more friends being myself than I was changing myself.

It was really nice meeting Shelby

because I was finding somebody who was really similar to me.

She helped me out with telling me how I could go through secondary school being me, a tomboy,

and it was really fun meeting her.

I really hope Laila does well at secondary school.

I know it can be tough but if she sticks to being herself, she'll be all right.

Sometimes, trying to fit in with others

can be more difficult than just being yourself.

One of the hardest times, for me, was when I moved schools.

I think moving from my old secondary school to this secondary school,

I changed the way I dressed because I thought that was the only way to fit in.

I started hanging around with all, like, the really girly-girls of the year.

They all had their own image of what a girl should look like,

wearing the skirts,

and because they all followed it,

I think I had my own image of it in my head what I wanted to be like,

and I think they just couldn't understand where I was coming from

with, like, the way I wanted to be.

So then I just started wearing trousers

and things like that because I felt more comfortable.

I started noticing that people were saying things

and people did have an opinion of me,

and it used to be just like, "You look like a boy,

"you're a tomboy" and things like that.

I used to get upset and take it to heart

if it was my friends saying it.

I find it a lot easier being myself

than I was when I was trying to fit in with everyone else.

I actually made more friends

than I was when I was trying to fit in.

When I first met her, I wasn't too sure what to think because she definitely stood out.

I didn't know what to think of her

because she was so different to all the other girls I hung around with.

Everyone's kind of unique, but Shelby's more unique than everyone else.

She's very brave for it, and I think other people should follow what she's done

and just not think about what other people think

and be their own person.

'Now I'm confident about being myself.

'It really helps me at school, especially with drama.'

It won't go down!

It's staying up! There you go.

-You're going to get...

-Eww! THEY LAUGH

'I've got a leading role, playing a man

'in our school production of Measure For Measure.'

'It's a big deal. I'm really happy and excited

'because Angelo is my favourite character.'

Always obedient to Your Grace's will, I come to know your pleasure.

'Now I've got the courage to get up on stage

'in front of all my classmates and teachers.'

'I'm not afraid of being in the spotlight.'

This is that face, thou cruel Angelo,

which once thou sworest was worth the looking on!

This is the hand...

Going on stage and performing it

and then having all the teachers coming up to me and going,

"You kicked it, Shelby. It was really good..."

..let me have way...

"..you were excellent, I didn't know you could act like that",

and knowing that from your teachers and from other students,

like, having Year 8s come up to me and say,

"I want to be like you when I grow up, I want to have your confidence,

"I want to be able to get up on stage in front of your peer group"

having the people say that to you

changes how you think about yourself.

It's nearly the end of my mission to find out "What's A Girl?"

Anna, Meg and Laila

have come to my hometown for a bit of fun.

During this journey, I've had a laugh,

felt awkward and upset, there's been surprises,

I've been kicked, dressed up and applauded.

What did I learn about what a girl is?

I've learnt that some girls think that they need to be a boy to do cool stuff,

but they don't.

A girl is someone confident in her own style

and doesn't need to change it for anyone.

A girl is someone who can stand out or fit in,

but has the courage to be herself.

So, what is a girl?

I am.

I am.

I am.

I am.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd