Never Give Up My Life


Never Give Up

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How much do I want to become a professional show jumper?

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The word is not even in any dictionary in the world.

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I don't think the word is even on earth yet.

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It's that much.

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Go! One, two, go. Good boy!

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One, two, jump. Go on, lad.

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Kai, you had air time!

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When I'm riding towards that jump, it's exhilarating.

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-Anything can happen.

-Two, three, go, Kai.

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It's the summer holidays and these are my mates.

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Iniko, Josh and Malachi.

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We met back in primary school, but there is one important

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difference between these guys and me.

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When the summer ends, they'll all go back to school,

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but I won't because I have been excluded.

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School, for me, wasn't fun.

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You could see he was challenged.

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He would get distracted sometimes in class.

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I was a lot more hyper than everyone else, I was a lot more fidgety,

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I didn't want to be ever sat down, I always wanted to move.

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He would learn by doing things, not by sitting down and listen.

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I have attention deficit hyperactivity disorder - or ADHD.

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Basically, my brain operates much faster than normal.

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I have loads of energy and my mind gets easily distracted.

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It's a behavioural condition that you are born with

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and there isn't a cure.

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You could see sometimes a teacher would get frustrated

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and they'd be like, "Ohhh!"

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When teachers singled me out,

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it wasn't nice. I'd get quite annoyed and get quite upset

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and I'd come home crying.

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I think he's quite a bright, energetic person

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who, in primary school, was greatly misunderstood.

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Go, go, go! One, two, go!

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Good boy. Keep that canter nice and forward.

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HORSE WHINNIES

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These are my stables that I come to on a Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.

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This is Jake, my favourite horse. Hello!

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He's very nice and calm and he'll mess about at times, when he can!

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-Good lad.

-And these are my riding instructors, Sarah and Connor.

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Most of my time at the stables is actually spent working hard,

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which I really enjoy.

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The yard needs sweeping,

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the horses have to be fed, there's always mucking out to do

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and I tack up the horses so they are ready to ride.

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If there's a job that wants doing, he wants to do it.

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If Kai had a choice, he wouldn't leave this yard -

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he'd sleep here if he could.

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He's a grafter, which is what we like.

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My favourite job on the yard is spending time with the horses

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and grooming them.

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He is desperate to learn and that's something you can't teach anybody.

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You use the body brush to get rid of the oil out of the coat,

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so you do that down the whole body.

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Now you will use the dandy-brush. It gets rid of mud. Brush down.

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Then mane and tail comb.

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And then you come to the front. Softly do it,

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because you don't want to do that and hit their face

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and the horse gets scared, so you just do that.

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I do like looking after the horses and taking that responsibility

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because I can be treated like an adult.

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I can look after something that's this big.

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I feel like someone can actually put their trust in me,

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so I can actually do that.

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I didn't know that he had ADHD. When he's around the horses,

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he's nice and calm and collected.

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Never have thought that he had ADHD.

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What people don't realise is that when they first ever see me,

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if they don't see me on a horse,

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they don't see how calm I can be.

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I feel calm because I know that nothing is going to judge me

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and hurt me.

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Humans, they always have, like, a reason to judge people.

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In between the world and the stables, there definitely feels like

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there's a vortex where I pass through it and the worry -

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everything, all my feelings - just goes.

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We can leave now, we don't need to be here.

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Horses are very giving animals, they give us their trust

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and their loyalty.

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Horses respond to people and people respond to horses.

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In four weeks' time, I've got my first ever show jumping competition,

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right here at my local stables.

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I'll be riding this horse - Gypsy.

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This is a big deal, so this summer we both need to train hard.

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Give him a good old belly kick and say, "Come on!"

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There you go. Good. Now, sit up, hands forward. Good.

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Good, good, good.

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Look at your green fence, keep your canter. Go on! Push him on!

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I have no doubt at all that he could become a really good rider.

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Good lad! Now sit up, ride over to B!

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The progression so far is just unbelievable.

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One, two, three! There we go, much better! Good boy!

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Give him a pat. Well done, that was nice! That was very nice.

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My biggest supporter is my mum, who comes to watch me ride every week.

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I'm really proud of him when I see him.

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He's at his best, he's happy and he's focusing.

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Children with ADHD function better in motion.

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I'm quite nervous about the competition coming up.

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It'll be totally new experience for me.

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I've never actually had a lot of people watching me.

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Normally, it's just my mum.

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Never, like, a whole neighbourhood or community.

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It's going to be good to watch.

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How are you, boo-boo?

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So you're the horse I'll be riding for the competition, eh, Gyps?

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Start bonding.

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Have you drunk any water recently?

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I've liked horses since I was about two and a half.

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I have horses everywhere around my room.

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My mates, they have said it's quite girly. They do tease me about it

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at times. But I don't really let that faze me,

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because I'm not going to stop doing what I love to do

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just to fit in with them.

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I'm going to do what I want.

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These are some of Britain's top show jumpers and I've come to see them

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in action at this year's British Show Jumping Championships.

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How much do I want to become a professional show jumper?

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The word is not even in any dictionary in the world.

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I don't think the word is even on earth yet.

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This is definitely the dream I want.

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When people clap you and cheer,

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it's having that feeling of the exhilaration.

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He's clear there - Vic Douglas.

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Show jumping is an elimination sport.

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To stand a chance of a rosette, you must first qualify for the finals

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by getting what is called a clear round.

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If you knock down any poles, if your horse refuses to jump

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or if you fall off, you could be immediately out.

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Once through to the finals, the one with the fastest time

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and the least mistakes wins.

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And look how high these professional jumps are! They're massive!

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One of the best and most famous riders here is this man -

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Tim Stockdale.

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He has represented Britain at world show jumping competitions

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more than 50 times.

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He is a legend and one of my idols.

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So I'm very excited because Tim Stockdale has agreed to give me a

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lesson in course walking ahead of my own competition

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in three weeks' time.

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OK, what we do is we allow four of our strides to be one horse stride,

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OK? But we also allow half a stride for take-off,

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half a stride for landing.

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So that's one, two, and that's where he is going to land.

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So, look - one, two, three - one stride.

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One, two, three - two strides. And then one, two.

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Basically, the order and the layout of the jumps are kept a secret from

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the riders until just a few minutes before the competition starts.

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Then all the riders are given one chance to walk around the course

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and remember as much as they can.

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You can see number six there, look.

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Just keep your eye on it, keep some canter through the corner.

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Three is the triple bar.

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Two. One, two, three. Yeah.

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Last fence coming up. You walk it and tell me how many it is

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and I'll meet you at the other end.

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(One, two. One, two, three, four.

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(One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four.

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(One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four.

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(One, two, three, four.)

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-That's six!

-Good lad, perfect.

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Lovely, six strides to the end. Yeah, perfect.

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One, two, three - five strides - four. Five - the bar.

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Six - the combination. One, sit up. Seven, the water. Eight, long four.

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-Nine, ten, 11. Four strides - 12. Six strides - 13.

-Yeah.

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That's how you walk a course!

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-Always being prepared for where you are going. Got it?

-Yeah.

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Well done, boy. Well done!

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-ANNOUNCER:

-There is the under-16 champion of Great Britain.

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It feels like there are a lot of people here.

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If you determine them from me, there would be quite a bit of difference.

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When you come to competitions,

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you do see more white people than you do black.

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People sometimes do stare at you and think things,

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but I don't really care what they think.

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I'm here and I'm just going to enjoy myself watching something

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I want to become.

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Because horses cost so much money,

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this is a very difficult world to get into.

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I'm not from a wealthy background at all.

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But I do have lots of determination.

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Tim Stockdale didn't come from a horsey background,

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I haven't come from a horsey background.

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I'm trying to get into this world, so if he can, I can.

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As long as you put the determination and the passion in,

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you can make it anywhere.

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I am going to carry on until I get to this sort of level.

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Nothing can stop it.

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One, two, three, four - leg up.

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One, two - up. Good lad.

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To help me become a professional show jumper,

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my riding lessons, that my mum struggles to afford,

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are paid for by a charitable foundation

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and I am very, very grateful.

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Now, push. Push. One, two, go. Go!

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Oh, that was beautiful. Do it again.

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The charity is like an island. It's like I've got

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a puncture in my boat and the water just keeps filling and I'm sinking,

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but there is an island underneath me that's keeping me afloat

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and keeping me arisen.

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If that island did disappear, it wouldn't be good.

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And this guy is my island.

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He's international Olympic dressage rider Emile Faurie.

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Today, I'm at his yard for the very first time.

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-And I hear you want to be a show jumper?

-Yeah.

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I think I might have to convert you into being a dressage rider.

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He is the world's top dressage rider, so...

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it's not even on a percentage scale just meeting him.

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It was just awesome.

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This is at the moment my top horse.

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Come on, don't be scared.

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She's one of those horses I totally fell in love with

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when I very first met her.

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Very sleek.

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I've never been this close to a top quality horse,

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so it's a very special moment.

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So why do you help kids like me?

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Horse riding, for me as a child, was my saviour

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and was the one thing that I felt that I could do and not be judged.

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I sort of thought, well, maybe if I can give just even one person

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the opportunity to have the same experience, then why not?

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So I really ask him to start powering a little bit in his trot.

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You can even hear in his breathing, you know it's hard work.

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And that's when he throws his legs out a little bit higher and then

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he should be able to come back quite quickly to a more collected trot.

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I think I may have changed my mind now about dressage.

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THEY LAUGH

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That's what I like to hear!

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Have a little walk around.

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-And there you're sitting on £385,000.

-Wow!

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Why don't you try and do a few sideways steps now?

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Put your right leg back and keep the left rein. That's it.

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That's it.

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Good, well done.

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Spot on!

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I thought, well, I don't really want to do dressage

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cos it's a very slow sport, it's a lot of concentration.

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But now, seeing this, thinking about it more,

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if I've got that concentration...

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if I want to do something else when I'm older,

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I've already had that concentration, so it should be a lot easier to do,

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especially with ADHD.

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Do you think you need a lot of money to get to the top?

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It is a sport where horses do cost a lot of money,

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but my parents couldn't even afford to send me for riding lessons -

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we had no money.

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Everything that you can't control, flush it down the loo,

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don't give it the time of day.

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Focus on becoming as good a rider as you possibly can

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and focus on the positive things towards your career.

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With this sport, what I've learnt to do is just to go for it.

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Even if you don't get there, at least you tried

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and you didn't give up and you're going to go for it.

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It's two weeks until my competition.

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Today, I'm jumping Gypsy out in the big field

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and out here it is really, really fun.

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Then have a canter back! Put your leg on!

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Light seat, hover! Go! Leg on!

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When you are on the back of that horse - walking, trotting,

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galloping, cantering round - that feeling is really, really good.

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It's exhilarating.

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Think about your line, Kai, little telegraph pole.

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When I'm riding towards that jump,

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the adrenaline does start pumping and you think anything can happen.

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Go, Kai!

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You OK? Yeah?

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Yeah.

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Now, all that happened there is Gypsy went to go on a long one.

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You was a little too much here. OK?

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I've seen him tumbling for nearly 14 years,

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so it's kind of...

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it's just Kai.

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Absolutely, he'll be all right.

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He just knocked himself a little bit. That looks fine.

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Come on, let's get back on.

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What did I say, not too quick? Cross-country for you.

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That's actually a very graceful dismount, Kai, I must admit.

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Thankfully, we're both OK and now you can see why riders wear

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body protection and riding hats.

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OK, it looks terrifying because of all the bushes

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and the forest around it, but it's not actually that scary.

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Yeah, over you go.

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Don't take your eye off this fence - look.

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Look. Check your line out, sit up.

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Two, three. Good lad!

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Much better. Give him a pat, let him have a breather.

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I'm going to give you a shower later.

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I'm going to give you a good old little bath.

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Being a good show jumper isn't just about riding well.

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It's also about how you and your horse trust in each other.

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I want to learn to think like a horse,

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so I'm spending the afternoon with my friend Paddy Gracey.

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OK, I'm going to bring her back to a trot. And trot.

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He's a special kind of horse trainer who helps difficult horses

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like Phoebe to learn to work with humans, not against them.

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OK, I'm going to ask her to come and meet me.

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So wherever I go, she comes with me.

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With no lines attached.

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So that's pure trust. This way.

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And if I stop... Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

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..she will stop.

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I'm not going to hurt her in any way.

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Most people, when a horse has a behaviour problem, yeah,

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-they resort to the whip.

-Yeah.

-They say, you will do it.

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You will go into the horsebox, if you don't, I'll whip you.

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And yet today, I've not even seen a whip today.

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I would rather get the horse to want to do that through trust,

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rather than through violence.

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-A little kiss and a little...

-HE MAKES KISSING NOISE

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..is a good tool to... That's it. ..to make them go forward.

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Well done, lad. I think you've done this before.

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And let's see can you get her just with the softest of your hands,

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a little, mwah, mwah, and a nice trot.

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This horse is on a level with me.

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When I was in school, the teachers, they tried to control my behaviour.

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They tried to fight me, which didn't work.

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I fought back. Cos if they were calm and relaxed, I would have been

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calm and relaxed instead of always being on the edge.

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Little wiggle.

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Paddy is not using fire with fire

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and try and be angrier than the horse,

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he's cooling it down with water, with calmness and kindness

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and relaxation.

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No, look at that. Can you see that?

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And that was by being really soft. This is what this mare needs, yeah?

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Then she realises human beings ain't so bad after all.

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Well done.

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Being told that I couldn't go back to school was devastating.

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But, again, instead of always holding yourself back

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and being upset, you may as well just start doing things and

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pushing forward instead of holding yourself back.

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Don't condemn kids with ADHD.

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That's all I got to say.

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Just because they are different to everyone else

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doesn't mean that they can't do things like everyone else.

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So for instance, I want to become a show jumper.

0:18:200:18:24

People have said to me before, that's not going to happen.

0:18:240:18:27

You've got ADHD, that's not going to happen - you're going to be

0:18:270:18:29

too hyper. No! When I'm around horses, I'm completely calm.

0:18:290:18:33

That's what calms me down and let's my spirit run

0:18:330:18:37

and not be scared.

0:18:370:18:40

My name is Kai, this is my video diary

0:18:400:18:42

and that's my explanation about ADHD.

0:18:420:18:44

It's nearing the end of the summer and there are just a few days left

0:18:440:18:47

to prepare for my competition.

0:18:470:18:49

One, two, three.

0:18:490:18:51

One, two, go! Good lad, yes!

0:18:510:18:54

Push! Push!

0:18:540:18:57

Go! Go!

0:18:570:18:58

One, two, jump! Good lad!

0:18:580:19:01

Kai, you had airtime! Everything was off the floor, you were in the air.

0:19:010:19:06

You flew for about two seconds of your life then on a horse.

0:19:060:19:10

Yeah, I'll be very, very happy, very, very pleased

0:19:100:19:12

and very proud to see Kai in all of his show jumping gear,

0:19:120:19:15

with his show jacket and his white shirt and his tie.

0:19:150:19:19

See you in a minute.

0:19:190:19:20

-Do you need a hairnet?

-Really?

0:19:200:19:23

SHE CHUCKLES

0:19:230:19:25

Well, so far I think he looks amazing.

0:19:250:19:28

Mum, I always look amazing!

0:19:280:19:30

Yeah, I know, to YOU!

0:19:300:19:32

-Don't take my... Mum!

-Come on, Kai!

-Mum, it's a very delicate process.

0:19:330:19:39

The anticipation is killing me here.

0:19:390:19:41

I'm making sure it's perfect.

0:19:410:19:43

SHE GIGGLES

0:19:480:19:50

It's very smooth. Ready. Ready to go.

0:19:500:19:54

With this competition coming up, I am quite nervous,

0:19:540:19:56

because it's my first ever one and it will be at my local stables.

0:19:560:19:59

It's going to be really, really difficult because I'll have

0:19:590:20:02

so many butterflies in my stomach, but most of all,

0:20:020:20:05

I'm going to look awesomely good!

0:20:050:20:07

When I woke up on the competition morning, I was scared,

0:20:090:20:12

I was happy - so many feelings were going through my body.

0:20:120:20:16

You're the best.

0:20:200:20:23

Everything - all the training I put into it - that's the day when

0:20:230:20:27

all the work was released from that cannon

0:20:270:20:30

and it went to work, basically.

0:20:300:20:33

This is the day you've all been waiting for, guys -

0:20:370:20:40

my first ever competition. My friends and family are here

0:20:400:20:44

to support and I'm ready to go.

0:20:440:20:46

The first of my two competitions today is a general clear round.

0:20:590:21:02

All those riders who go clear automatically get a rosette.

0:21:020:21:06

Remember the rules of a clear round, guys -

0:21:060:21:08

I mustn't knock down any poles, Gypsy mustn't refuse to jump

0:21:080:21:11

and I can't fall off.

0:21:110:21:13

Before I went into that ring, I could see people was looking at me

0:21:130:21:16

and you think to yourself, "Oh, no, I'm really scared

0:21:160:21:20

"and something bad is going to happen."

0:21:200:21:22

APPLAUSE

0:21:220:21:23

OK, Kai! Off you go, when you're ready.

0:21:280:21:30

I just went straight into it, I just wanted to get it over with.

0:21:300:21:34

When I got over that first jump, it wasn't that big,

0:21:390:21:42

but to me it felt like it was six feet tall.

0:21:420:21:45

Everything was on high alert. I felt the horse breathing,

0:21:480:21:51

I felt its paces, I felt its movement

0:21:510:21:55

and I just went with those movements.

0:21:550:21:57

When I was coming to that final jump, I thought,

0:22:090:22:11

"I really hope the horse doesn't stop now!"

0:22:110:22:14

Oh.

0:22:220:22:24

-Oh, my days!

-Not bad, eh?!

0:22:240:22:27

SHE EXHALES SHARPLY

0:22:270:22:29

Well done, mate.

0:22:300:22:32

When I got that ribbon saying clear round, I thought to myself,

0:22:320:22:35

"I can do it, I don't have to have the nerves any more."

0:22:350:22:37

High-five me.

0:22:370:22:39

Yeah!

0:22:390:22:41

I didn't breathe the whole way round, so...

0:22:410:22:45

next time I shall know to breathe, I'll be fine.

0:22:450:22:48

Ding, ding, ding!

0:22:480:22:50

I felt very proud of me and Gypsy. We worked together as a team.

0:22:520:22:55

The day is not over yet. The jumps are going up

0:22:570:23:00

and the course made harder.

0:23:000:23:01

It's now the elimination rounds.

0:23:010:23:04

Rosettes are now awarded to the fastest six riders

0:23:040:23:06

during the final jump-off.

0:23:060:23:08

However, to get to the final I need to first go clear once again.

0:23:080:23:12

No clear round and I'm out of the competition.

0:23:120:23:15

I've got butterflies for him.

0:23:150:23:18

SHE EXHALES SHARPLY

0:23:200:23:21

Before I went in, I said to myself, "All right,

0:23:210:23:24

"it's like the first round, just with more jumps

0:23:240:23:26

"and it's slightly more difficult. Breathe, you can do it."

0:23:260:23:30

SHE GASPS

0:23:470:23:50

When Gypsy refused, I thought to myself,

0:23:500:23:53

"I can't believe this is happening."

0:23:530:23:55

MUSIC: Are You With Me by Lost Frequencies

0:23:550:23:58

It wasn't the horse's fault, it was mine, because I wasn't kicking on.

0:24:070:24:11

But I'm not going to give up and I'm going to at least finish

0:24:110:24:15

the competition, even if I am eliminated for what just happened.

0:24:150:24:18

# I wanna dance by water 'neath the Mexican sky

0:24:180:24:21

# Drink some Margaritas by a string of blue lights

0:24:220:24:24

# Listen to the Mariachi play at midnight

0:24:260:24:29

# Are you with me? Are you with me? #

0:24:290:24:33

Kai, Kai, Kai - head up, head up.

0:24:360:24:38

It's all right, Mum.

0:24:420:24:44

Well done. Well done, mate.

0:24:460:24:50

Thanks, Mum.

0:24:500:24:51

You did brill. OK?

0:24:530:24:55

You did brill.

0:24:550:24:57

Even when he had a challenge with it, he kept going. He didn't just

0:24:570:25:01

say, "I can't do this," and give up, he kept going and he finished it.

0:25:010:25:05

So, yeah. I'm really, really pleased with him.

0:25:050:25:09

COCKEREL CROWS

0:25:210:25:24

Since the competition day, I've suffered a little knock

0:25:240:25:28

to my confidence. So I'm speaking to Emile Faurie for advice

0:25:280:25:31

on how to pick myself up and move forward.

0:25:310:25:33

As I said, learn to focus on the positive things. You went in -

0:25:330:25:37

your first ever competition, your first round ever -

0:25:370:25:40

-and you jumped a clear.

-Mm.

0:25:400:25:42

I know some famous show jumpers that fell off in their first round ever.

0:25:420:25:46

It's just my second round, I kind of went in too early.

0:25:460:25:50

I rushed on the horse and didn't get through.

0:25:500:25:55

I was quite upset cos, as anyone would think, it's your first thing,

0:25:550:25:59

you want to do proud and you want to do it well.

0:25:590:26:01

Make sure that you don't beat yourself up about that,

0:26:010:26:04

because disappointments happen in sport

0:26:040:26:06

and what makes the difference between a good sportsmen

0:26:060:26:09

and a brilliant sportsmen is to learn from what

0:26:090:26:12

you didn't do so well. And the fact that you already

0:26:120:26:15

-realise this yourself, you know, that's great.

-Yeah, yeah.

0:26:150:26:19

Yeah, I definitely understand what you're saying there.

0:26:190:26:23

No talk of failure, OK?

0:26:230:26:26

Failure is when you give up!

0:26:260:26:29

Nice talking to him again, definitely.

0:26:290:26:33

He's right, I can never fail.

0:26:330:26:34

I can only make mistakes and I can learn from them

0:26:340:26:37

and change them.

0:26:370:26:38

So instead of crying over losing,

0:26:400:26:45

get on with life and get on to my next competition

0:26:450:26:47

and just show people that even though I've lost,

0:26:470:26:50

I'm not going to fall and just crumble,

0:26:500:26:52

I'm going to get back up again

0:26:520:26:54

and I'm going to try again and keep trying.

0:26:540:26:58

MUSIC: Stay With Me by Sam Smith

0:26:590:27:02

Oh, I love you, boo-boo.

0:27:190:27:21

Subtitles by Ericsson

0:27:210:27:25

# Oh, won't you stay with me

0:27:250:27:27

# Cos you're all I need

0:27:270:27:33

# This ain't love, it's clear to see

0:27:330:27:38

# But darling stay with me. #

0:27:380:27:43

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