Swap the Teacher Our School

There's something really odd going on at our school.

From the head dressing up as an old lady...

..to the history teacher looking like Florence Nightingale.

And when there's something strange in your neighbourhood,

who you gonna call?

Maths Man.

Welcome to Our School.

BELL RINGS

Meet our new year seven.

Sick bucket!

It's the most important school year of their life so far.

Haircut, sir?

They're all starting here together.

That level of noise is absolutely disgusting.

Yes!

This has seen better days.

You stink, sir.

CBBC have filled the entire place with cameras so you'll

get to watch year seven every step of the way.

-Stop waving at me.

-Yeah!

Hello, I'm Mr Jones.

I'm a maths teacher at Our School, and every time that you're here,

I'm going to be here, too.

Right now, I'm late for a lesson.

Excuse me.

Come on in.

# Our school. #

Boom. Mic drop.

BELL RINGS

Year sevens come in all different shapes and sizes,

but some are more eye-catching than others.

Tristan is known in school for his creative hairstyles.

First, go like from blue, to red and blue.

Now, it's yellow.

Not just yellow,

his latest hair-raising style has got everyone talking.

LAUGHTER

Like, he like shaved all of this and he like made it like...

-A Mohawk.

-Yeah, it looked really cool, but I wouldn't do it.

It looks like a duck, like, a duck's hair.

Look, look, look!

It just makes me who I want to be cos, with natural hair,

you just look like every other person.

Tristan, can you come with me, please?

But it looks like this time he may have taken it a step too far.

It doesn't... It doesn't look right on Tristan.

He's just had blue and red hair. That looks right.

But the yellow, spiky, that doesn't look right on Tristan.

-Right then, good morning, young man.

-Good morning.

Strength in diversity, that's part of our school's motto, isn't it,

yeah, which means variety.

And we've certainly got a variety of haircuts in school, now we've added

this one. The first time we've ever had someone turned up with

a mohican, and the thing when things happen for the first time,

it makes you think. It makes you question, doesn't it, all right?

So, why have you got a bright yellow mohican is a question I've never had

to ask in all my years here, but today it's the one I'm asking you.

It turns out Tristan's new look is for charity.

-My friend's dying of bone cancer...

-Mmhmm.

..and I asked if I could dye my hair yellow for him,

cos his favourite colour's yellow.

Hopefully, Mr Jones will be happy with that.

We're going to put one of these uniform pass lanyards around you.

And I think what we need to put is...

..charity fundraising, or something like this, OK?

It's a nice thing that you're doing. Quite a statement, all right?

-Cheers, miss.

-All right.

Putting yourself out for charity is a good thing,

and Tristan's hair is one of his best features.

But what do the rest of year seven think is their best feature?

My best feature is everything.

Everything is useful in a way.

My eyes to see, my neck to move around my head...

It doesn't matter what's on the outside.

It's like in the inside.

Yeah, but you can't see my inside, can you?

Well, I like my eyes, cos it attracts...

..the girlies.

-Look at the size of my hands.

-Holy Moley! What?

Look at the size of my hands.

I think your best feature's your hair.

THEY LAUGH

My best feature is my hair, because I'm...

I put it off to the side.

I think Salma's best feature is chubby cheeks.

What?!

George has got nowt, but complete bed hair.

I like it, it's soft.

I like it when I can do that, cos it feels soft.

My nose is to help me smell. My mouth is to help me talk and eat.

THEY LAUGH

See how it feels, you know? You look cute.

-No, I don't.

-Yes, you do!

-No, I don't!

I think Michael's best feature is his afro,

because he can just press the whole thing down,

and it just sticks back up.

Look!

Why are you dressed like that?

You have to be in school uniform.

-You don't.

-Yes, you do.

Have you ever had one of them dreams where you turn up to school without

your uniform on?

It looks like Tristan's dreaming right now.

It was Fundraising Friday, weren't it?

Oh, yes, it's...

Thank goodness for that!

A day dedicated to raising money for the school charity,

the Memusi Foundation in Kenya.

Today, literally anything could happen.

See what I mean?

I'm just a bit worried about your mouth.

When we initially launched the fundraising ideas with

the year group, a student randomly just suggested that

I shave my beard.

And that was one step too far for me,

so I stupidly accommodated the idea of dying my beard instead.

Think I've done quite a good job, actually.

It's a big pink thing on his face.

-You need a mirror.

-There's one there, just there.

I've got a mirror. Stay there.

That's only dye spray.

Why couldn't he have permanently...

Oh!

He actually looked nice with the beard.

He should've kept the beard, but his wife would kill him.

And Mr Shabir's not the only one looking silly for charity.

Very awkward, wearing a dress, isn't it?

I wouldn't recommend it.

-Sir, I like your dress.

-Thank you. Thank you.

-It's for charity.

-It's all a bit weird, really.

Everyone is acting... Strange.

Just for charity, girls. It's just for charity.

-I've not gone mad.

-If ever there was a time that a school needed a

superhero to take charge...

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

..it's today.

Do you ever get the feeling that things don't quite add up?

That difficulties in class subtract from having a good day?

Do you feel in two minds, and have to divide your time between lessons?

Are your worries multiplying?

Well, for the solution to all these problems, you can count on...

..Maths Man.

Woo!

# Oh, oh, Maths Man! #

-He's a clever maths teacher.

-He can solve any equation.

Maths Man.

The origin of Maths Man came around

when I found a rogue calculator lying

around in a drawer and it electrocuted me,

and since then, all I see are numbers.

Maths Man's heard a rumour that teachers are going to be swapping

classes for the day.

Right, let's get started.

Miss, are you a science teacher?

-I am now.

-Ridiculous!

It is a burden being Maths Man.

With great numbers comes great responsibility.

Who can keep the school safe on a day like this?

You do the math...

No, no, no, wait, I'LL do the math.

You! Five plus five.

-Ten.

-Correct.

Keep doing maths.

If people here need Maths Man, all you do,

you raise the Maths Man sign, and I will find you.

Algebra?

I shall alge-BREAK you.

What happened there?

I'm not very good at being a science teacher.

For teacher swap,

Mrs Black is ditching her history books for the biology lab.

Go on, Fareed, you were telling me about the owl.

It's nocturnal, er...

Nocturnal? What does that word mean? That's a good word.

It means it only comes out at night.

Only comes out at night.

I think I'd like to be nocturnal.

Put your hands up if you think daylight should be banned.

I definitely do.

OK, let's see if we're ready to burn some stuff.

She's like in the middle of the lesson and she's like, wait...

Magnesium.

Science was actually my favourite topic at school,

because I loved the experiments.

And I really wanted to do a really cracking experiment with explosions

so that the children would be like, wow, that's awesome.

You try, Morgan, you try.

Watch, Miss. Watch how quick...

In and out, in and out. Waft it, waft it.

THEY CHEER

It fizzled, but it wasn't the big explosion I was hoping for.

So, I was a little bit disappointed.

Has a penguin got gills?

I don't think so.

Penguins are mammals. I know that much.

Mrs Black didn't even know if a penguin was a mammal

or a bird.

A bird is a mammal.

Penguins... Are penguins mammals?

-Yes.

-Doesn't matter.

-But they're born from eggs.

-So they've got gills?

-I'm not sure.

Is a penguin...

..a bird?

-It's not a bird.

-Ain't it?

It's a mammal.

-We're a mammal.

-That's a bird, because it can fly.

A bird... No, penguins cannot fly.

-They don't go like that, do they?

-Penguins can fly.

-No, they can't.

-They can!

-No, they can't.

-They can!

They flap their wings.

Yes, Wayne, that's because they ARE a bird.

It looks so easy, teaching science, it's not.

Meanwhile, geography teacher Mr Webb is apparently teaching English.

-Sir...

-What are the Himalayas?

-Go on?

-Mountains.

-Mountains, brilliant.

They are mountains. One mountain in particular...

-Mount Everest.

-Mount Everest, brilliant.

In the Himalayas...

He kept going on about Mount Everest in an English lesson.

Geography is meant for the geography classroom,

not the English classroom.

I thought this was English, sir.

But hold on, hold on. We haven't got to the English bit yet.

Really, it was a geography lesson in disguise.

I think quite soon the kids picked up on that,

and felt like they'd been swindled.

So, as I'm reading,

if you want to rest your head on the desk or close your eyes or whatever

that's going to keep you focused, that's absolutely fine.

The South Col is a vast rocky area the size of four rugby pitches,

strewn with the remnants of old expeditions that have been here.

Ah, so he's reading about geography.

That's clever. More like English...

Go figure.

Their bodies lay within metres of the flat area, many of them now...

Mr Webb, I think your geography-English hybrid lesson

is not working.

The children are falling asleep.

You miscalculated.

The last few yards to their tent, and disappeared.

They disappeared?

Into their tents.

I think I got away with it.

I think I just couldn't resist teaching them more geography,

to be honest. I just love it.

I've got YOUR number.

Maths Man is always on patrol, searching out bad maths.

I've got a good maths.

I'm in your lessons quite often, Ben, and you do not have good maths.

My favourite sum is four plus three equals seven.

I love it that much I got it engraved on my mask.

Are you late for a birthday party, Sir?

I'm available all the time.

Whenever there is bad maths happening.

THEY LAUGH

I know who Maths Man's secret identity is,

but I can't tell you, cos it's secret.

Cos if I tell you the secret identity,

it won't be a secret identity anymore, would it?

I've heard that it could actually be someone that goes to our school,

but I'm not quite sure yet.

People trying to think, who is Maths Man?

-Come on, guys.

-Of course we know!

It's Mr...

Whoa there! That's enough, Wayne.

Whilst Maths Man's on patrol,

dance teacher Miss Mills is in charge of year seven maths.

She's got big shoes to fill.

Like Maths Man, Mr Jones is a 12, and she's only a size five.

Hello, Mrs Jones.

Hello. I'm not Mrs Jones.

Sit down! I'm teaching you maths.

She's teaching us maths.

OK, right. It's a bit confusing, yes.

I am your dance teacher, OK, and yes, I'm teaching you maths today.

In dance, when do we use maths, OK?

Put your hands up.

-Timing.

-Timing.

She was explaining everything in dance terms.

OK, what do we need to keep time with?

-What is it?

-The beat.

-The beat.

Music! Good boy, Roman.

Right, so, and in time with the beat. OK?

Miss Mills was trying to get the dance into maths.

-Which never worked...

-No, it never worked at all.

What's that key word? It begins with R.

Rhythm.

Good boy, rhythm. OK, right, now, I want you to open your books...

Wayne, Wayne.

Miss Mills had quite a big challenge on her hands,

cos we are a really loud class.

Excuse me!

I've got one person that's finished.

If you've finished, then you can talk.

But you haven't finished, have you?

Wayne, you haven't even started.

-Yes, I have!

-Get on with it.

I'm thinking, Miss.

You aren't thinking. You are talking.

I'm thinking about talking.

If I was a teacher, I'd let my class do whatever they wanted.

Maths Man is impressed.

Miss Mills is treating maths with the respect it deserves.

I'm surprised I didn't fall asleep.

It's equals the same by the same, OK, but we can't just put a number

down, can we? Because we don't know what it is.

THEY GIGGLE

Someone needs Maths Man's help.

THEY CHEER

When Maths Man walks in a room, you get awe.

BOTH: Awe!

Boy!

What's ten times six?

Maths Man asks the questions, not you.

THEY LAUGH

Hands off the calculators.

I hate negative numbers.

Negative numbers confuse the children, and this angers Maths Man.

Word around is you're struggling with your maths.

I need you to help with it.

Maths Man says you will listen to Miss and you will help.

With unruly children,

Maths Man takes them out of the classroom and reduces them to zero.

Use the calculator to destroy the world.

This is my secret weapon, a calculator.

And then everyone is going to be like, what are you going to do?

Like, do your times tables?

The people are mocking Maths Man.

His shoes didn't even match with his outfit.

-Yeah, should have just worn blue socks.

-Slippers.

-Blue socks.

-Blue shoes.

Where are you going to get blue shoes from?

Remember, brackets means multiplication.

Two times P, gives me 2P.

I do not need to pee, it is just 2P.

I've just realised something terrifying.

If Miss Mills is teaching maths, who is teaching dance?

This lesson, you have the pleasure...

..of having me as your dance teacher.

ALL: Yeah!

I like dancing, but completely out of my comfort zone.

I need an eight beat dance with you and a partner.

So, it might even be like one, two, three, four.

I don't know. Five.

So, I wanted to sort of show the kids what I've got basically.

I wanted to show them that I'm not just this science teacher.

MUSIC: Livin' la Vida Loca by Ricky Martin

He was like this.

-Yeah!

-It was so funny.

-Yeah.

MUSIC: Livin' la Vida Loca by Ricky Martin

He was like really good, actually.

One, two, three, four, five.

It was quite weird, because we were actually having fun.

I think the hardest part was motivating them to do dance.

It's just tiring getting the kids,

getting the pupils to actually do what you want them to do.

One, two, three, four, five, six.

At least you've done eight steps.

That's easy, right?

I'm not asking for anything crazy like spins on the knees and stuff.

I'm not asking for any of that.

Let's try again. Let's try again.

Mr Shaw has finally got most of the class dancing.

Alojz has been quiet, but he can't hold those dance moves

in any longer.

I did it. I'm moving!

I thought Alojz's dancing was really, really good.

I had no idea of his sort of dance background.

Obviously, it really gave him a chance to express himself.

It was the first time I saw him come out of his shell.

MUSIC: Tik Tok by Kesha

Yeah!

Mr Shaw's the best teacher ever.

Same.

Right.

I didn't know you could dance.

Yeah, I do have... I know how to dance.

You know how to dance? So, why are you so shy about it?

Some people when they see... Some people, they'll laugh.

But you should show them, cos some people might look at you and

go, he can't dance. You CAN dance.

You should just stop being so scared about it.

I've seen all this and this.

-Like...

-Right, I've got an idea.

You don't have to say yes.

Some of the people in year seven, OK, are doing a show

called Strictly Come Dancing,

and we've got about three or four weeks to practice now, OK?

You don't have to do it, but I think you'd be great.

I think there'd be people who look on and go, I wish I could do that.

Cos you're good! So, have a think about it.

You don't have to say yes or no, but I didn't know you could dance.

I even didn't know that you can.

Exactly, it's surprising, right?

Don't you want to see all the looks on people's faces when you come out

on stage and you blow them away?

They'd be like, boom.

Wow, this kid can actually dance.

He's brilliant. And I'm so happy that I was able to persuade him to

take part. Going to be brave?

Yeah.

Nice. Give me five. Right, let's go sort it, yeah?

I absolutely... So proud of him.

I subtract evil from the world, and multiply it by good.

Maths Man was just about to fly home for some pie when he heard a number

of children causing a commotion in the school hall.

CHEERING

An assembly such as this has never been witnessed before.

THEY GASP

Let me remind ourselves, it's Friday,

but what kind of Friday is it today?

ALL: Fundraising Friday!

I need to make sure that the neighbours across the road complain

it's too noisy. What day is it?

ALL: Fundraising Friday!

Exactly.

Today's assembly was probably the best assembly I've ever had in this

school, because it was really funny.

Let's just see what people are doing before we get into things.

We have Tristina, sorry, Tristan.

Stand up. Dressed up as a girl.

A round of applause for Tristan.

CHEERING

We have some boys who are due to have their hair lived up.

And then he came up with like a hair dye in sprays, and then he started

putting it on some people's heads, including mine.

Can you see the pinks?

The highlight of this assembly will be a rap battle.

This equals fun.

Kayden plus Javonte have been giving rap lessons to teachers.

# The word proffer me it's a figure,

# Get your sums right and your brain gets bigger. #

Mr Jones's rap adds up to me.

I bet he'll take it to infinity.

Let battle commence!

So, can we have our first member of staff?

First up, maths teacher, Mr Jones.

But he's nowhere to be seen.

So, we're waiting around, you know, backstage, ready,

with all the other teachers.

We're looking around, where's maths teacher Mr Jones?

I must rap in his place.

And then this mysterious character walks in, supposedly Maths Man.

Time for me to stand up and be counted.

Maths teacher, he was dressed up as a superhero with

calculators there...

..called Maths Man.

Really?

He got onto the stage, and he was like pulling Superman poses.

Everyone was just cheering.

I thought his costume was really funny.

Our next member of staff has been here before.

As double doors open, please round of applause. Can we have Mr Webb?

CHEERING

Mr Webb.... I don't know what he was dressed up as,

but he had a wig and a hat, so I guess that's something.

Our next member of staff, the man with chunky thighs...

..Mr Shaw!

Miss Black!

CHEERING

We save the best till the last.

Our principal, Mr Jones!

He's like, oh, my back!

And then he just goes like, "Ugh!"

He might need a hand coming up... Hey!

Athletic granny here.

Top job. Let's get this started.

So, Mr Shabir, is your number up?

# You all know me

# Mr Shabir, slick and smooth being I'm head of the year

# You spot me round school always sharp dressed

# Well thing about me I never get stressed

# I'm king of IT, prince of high-tech

#I'm the man, the legend, total respect. #

ALL: Oh!

Mr Shabir's rapping was...

Questionable.

Can Mrs Black deliver 100%?

# My name is Mrs Black and this is my rap

# If you lad's are too cheeky, expect a C1

# School is your future, not just for fun

# Listen to me, I'm happy to meet you,

# I'm Mrs Black and I'm the history teacher.#

ALL: Oh!

I wasn't too keen on Miss Black's.

I don't think Mrs Black is the most natural rapper ever.

Miss Black's rapping skills were absolutely off the hook.

Hm, divided opinions, Mrs Black.

Maybe Mr Webb will square things up.

# Hands up, here's a question, I'm looking at you

# What on earth and what can I do?

# To save a green planet it means so much to me

# The world is my subject, big up geography. #

ALL: Oh!

Geograph-uh...

Geography.

Geog...

Geography.

Geography.

Geography.

Georgr- ...ugh.

It doesn't matter. Carry on.

I was trying to be, you know, a cool rapper.

It didn't work.

I liked his long hair and hat, though.

The hair was pretty cool.

Will science teacher Mr Shaw, go from zero to hero?

# Yo, I'm new to the school I'm an NQT

# That ain't a rap name that's what they call me

# I wear a white coat I work in my lab,

# I dissect safely...

# And I've forgotten the words. #

LAUGHTER

Yeah!

Mr Shaw's rapping on stage was OK.

Not top-notch, because he did forget the words.

ALL: Mr Shaw! Mr Shaw!

He got a really good reaction, and he rapped pretty well, actually,

you know.

I think Maths Man will do fractionally better.

# Straighten your ties and tuck in your shirt

# Maths is my business it ain't got to hurt

# I've got your number, You can add or subtract

# Multiply, divide, you got it it's cracked

# Get your sums right and your brain'll get bigger. #

ALL: Oh!

Maths Man, he was perfect.

He was in character.

He was doing everything like he was supposed to.

And he didn't forget his words.

Yeah, it's just such a shame that maths teacher Mr Jones missed it,

cos he would have loved it.

A Maths Man, you know, it's right up his street.

I will let him know you enjoyed it, Mr Webb.

And finally...

Can we have Mr Jones to the stage.

Gangsta ready.

# I'm the main man here at FPA

# Welcome to our school every day

# You'll see me around out on patrol

# It's a serious business I ain't taking a stroll

# When you come here, you make loads of homies

# Head down, work hard do something else.

# Who knows what the last word was I revised it

# I practised it in the car and I can't remember it.

# But I'm just going to keep rapping

# And we'll pretend this never happened I'll read it from

# The page. #

CHEERING

Round of applause for everyone, thank you.

ALL: Granny Jones! Granny Jones!

He really did act like a gangster granny.

He grabbed his glasses, took them off, threw the purse.

-I liked Mr Jones headteacher, me.

-Yeah.

-Because he flung...

Because you're at it, because you're at...

I remember, he was like...

He just chucked his glasses off, like...

"I'm the main man here at FPA."

He kind of freestyled like half the way through, and it was really cool.

Yeah.

Mr Jones may have won the rap battle,

but with so much money being raised for charity,

it seems like today everyone is a superhero.

Never in life think about, "I'm not doing that,

"because that might be embarrassing."

If that thing actually is quite fun and is a great way to respectfully

earn money for charity. So I want the biggest clap of all for these

two, please.

Go on then, let's go.

It seems my work here is done.

Oh, that were weird.

What have I missed?

Next time, Our School is getting down to business.

-Let's sell, sell, sell.

-Calendars for £1.

There's five minutes left.

Stop selling!

Maths Man lives in a little house shaped like a pie.

Maths Man has three small,

very masculine dogs called, One, Two and Three.

No maths teacher has a favourite sum.

Maths Man wakes up,

jumps in the Mathmobile and drives to Firth Park in a matter of

seconds, whilst still obeying the speed limit.

If my mum could see me now...

LAUGHTER