There's No Emotion without Motion The Call Centre

Just a call in relation to lowering the cost of your energy bills

by finding the right tariff for you.

-Are you the bill payer?

-'I certainly am.'

Nev Wilshire is CEO of Swansea's third largest call centre.

Get out! Get out!

What sums up my management style? Some say I'm barking orders,

some say I'm barking mad.

Woof! Oh, sorry.

But there's life in the old dog yet.

DOG BARKS

'Not again. Not again.'

It's an industry that now employs over a million people in the UK

with an average age of just 26.

'Oh, piss off.'

Call centres are the factories of our time.

Get these deals, make these calls - that's what I'm talking about.

Think I just dialled your missus by mistake.

But times have been tough.

A few years ago, the Queen had an annus horribilis, a horrible year.

We've had an annus anus. It's been tough.

-Go on.

-Don't yawn!

More than ever, Nev's relied on his unique approach

to motivating his young workforce.

Oh, Jonny!

Now he's fighting back.

See? That's what you've got to beat!

And we're making money again now. Yeah? Go to it, then.

With his loyal troops right behind him.

Our main challenge in HR is, erm...

Hey, Geoff, you're looking good.

I was going to say Nev then. (Don't say that.)

Morale is on the up...

..for this Swansea call centre.

Where victory is only a cold call away.

Are you not entertained?

What's it like to be in charge of 600 people?

It's an endurance. Sometimes it's a marathon.

Sometimes you have to sprint to keep up.

But I love it, absolutely love it.

Welcome to Nev's world.

Hello there. It's George calling from the Billscutter team

at Nationwide Energy Services.

MUMBLING ON PHONE

Sir, I have no idea what you just said there. What?

It's Monday morning at the call centre,

and CEO Nev Wilshire is taking care of some very important business.

Anybody want a tea?

She'll kill me if she sees me doing this.

Thank you, Nev.

Can't do enough for good staff.

Being a hands-on boss,

Nev isn't just interested in what his staff are drinking.

The call centre diet is also a hot potato.

'Hello?'

-Hello, is that Mrs McCarthy?

-'Yes.'

Hi there, my name's Leah.

When you sit on your arse all day in this place and you munch away

and you get given sweets by me, then you put on weight.

You just get bored when you sit down all day on the phones.

Probably be ten stone heavier now if I was still on the phones.

A lot of people put on weight when they join a call centre,

everyone will tell you that.

The sales agent's snack of choice is a Swansea favourite,

the deep-fried rissole.

Two rissoles, normal ones,

and a cheese one, please.

Nutritional qualities of a good... Kyle?

What's nutritional about a rissole?

-BLEEP

-all.

-Nice, though.

It's like a little bit of heaven in a ginger ball shape.

But Nev's concerned that expanding waistlines

might lead to decreasing profits.

It's very important to be healthy.

If you're fit and healthy, your mind is working better.

You're better at your job.

If you're overweight and feeling lethargic, it's not so good.

So not everybody can be young and fit like me, but they can try.

He's called a staff meeting to announce a new initiative.

I've got a lot of people that have...

A lot of people that may have put on a few pounds lately

and need to lose it.

Anybody fancy, you know, putting their hand up

and saying, "Yeah, yeah, I'll come along to your Weight Watchers, Nev?"

Anybody? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Any fat bastards round here? Come on!

-All right.

-I'm a fat bastard.

Yep! OK.

So, tomorrow at this time,

in the canteen upstairs.

Why are they meeting in the canteen?

LAUGHTER

So, weight-loss clinic sponsored by Ginsters,

and off we go.

All right?

We don't know whether we can call it a clinic,

cos we're not technically a clinic,

so that possibly isn't politically correct.

So we'll have to come up with another name,

possibly something that is politically correct.

And I was thinking more in line of Fat Bastards Club.

I'll be joining Fat Bastards Club, yes.

What?

Oi! Fat bastards, down here.

I'm walking in the Fat Club with a box of sweets.

-Oh, jelly beans!

-Sorry about that.

That way, Hayley. What are you doing here?

Nothing of her.

Marketing.

Don't say my name.

Tamara, you all right?

Well done, Sid, good effort.

Phil, come on. I bet you're heavier than me.

I bet you I'm not.

Look at this, look at this.

Fat Bastards Club will involve weekly weigh-ins

leading up to a grand finale.

Whoever losses most will be call centre weight-loss champion.

-Shall I get on the scales first?

-Yeah.

Get my wallet out first.

Yeah, before you all joke,

you know we really don't want to be weighing my wallet.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

OK, when you're ready.

One at a time, please.

18st, 9.

LAUGHING AND JEERING

Muscle weighs more than fat, anyway.

Ouch.

MOCK WHIMPERING

-Hayley, on here.

-I don't want anyone else seeing it, though.

Well, they're going to see it. Everyone's got to see it.

-Get on.

-Everyone's going to know.

I'm going to lose weight anyway, so I don't care.

-Get off.

-That's fine.

It's not, I used to be 9st-odd.

The hefties, come on.

Oh-ho-ho!

21st, 6.

We have a winner!

Yeah! It makes me feel so much better.

Last, and most reluctant to get on the scales,

is 44-year-old customer service manager Lisa,

who Nev's hoping will be a leading light in his health drive.

Lisa is the general,

the sergeant major for drumming up the troops.

She's got drive and determination.

She's also got a lot of weight

to put behind the thrust of this weight-loss club.

He probably thinks...

apart from thinking I am a fat bastard,

I think he probably thinks that I'll motivate them,

and myself then.

-Right, get on there, Lise.

-I can't get on there.

-Get on there, Lise.

-No, I'm not getting on there.

-LAUGHTER

-I'm not getting on there.

OK, bugger off back to work, thank you very much.

Out! Oh, give us some sweets, quick.

-Does anyone want sweets?

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-No!

-Amazing willpower.

-Nev, no, you've had enough!

Just one, man! Just one.

Might as well, today's the last day.

No, he's just had his last one.

I'm going to give them to all my other rivalries.

-Look at that.

-Stop it!

Once everyone has left the room,

Lisa plucks up the courage to step on the scales.

It's got to be done.

BLEEP!

Oh, mine was horrific, I knew what was coming anyway.

Even my boobs weigh a stone each, so...

I'm not as bad as... Not as bad as I thought!

Fat Bastards Club,

I don't care how you lose the weight or whatever you do,

if you're serious about it,

we're going to weigh you once a week

as a club of people that are just going to motivate each other

to lose weight.

And that's what it's about.

It's doing it together instead of on your own and motivating each other.

Keeping a very close eye on his employees' welfare

is integral to Nev's unique style of man management.

Texting on his phone, I came around and he's texting on his phone,

listening to music.

-I'm on my lunch.

-Oh, all right, then.

Well done, James. James is on lunch,

he's allowed a lunch. They get lunch in prison as well, so that's allowed.

Jeffrey, you all right?

How was church this weekend?

Jeffrey is a born-again Christian.

He's come over from Nigeria to evangelise us.

Isn't that right?

-Partially right.

-Partially correct.

He's a proper qualified accountant, this man.

Who did you work for?

-Deloitte.

-He worked for Deloitte in Nigeria.

-It was Nigeria, wasn't it?

-Yeah.

OK.

But, you know, when he was on his uppers,

down in the dumps,

I picked him up and gave him a new job, yeah?

-Put a new song in your mouth.

-Very correct.

That's a quote from Psalms, that is.

Yeah, you knew that, didn't you? Yeah, OK.

Isn't he a nice guy?

-Good. Keep up the good work, Jeff.

-Thank you.

Jeff has worked in accounts for the last year and a half.

He originally applied for a job on the phones

to help support his accountancy studies,

but Nev saw greater potential.

At the orientation programme, I met Nev

and I was wondering, "Oh, my goodness,

"what have I got myself into?" Cos having to sing and all that stuff,

it's not something I'm used to,

but he was asking, more or less,

"What do you do? Where are you from? What's your background?" and stuff.

I could say I sold myself to him, though,

by saying, "Oh, these are my qualifications," and all that stuff

and he said, "I don't think you deserve to be in the call centre.

"You better come join the accounts team," and that's my story.

It's something I regard as a miracle,

so I thank God for that, yeah.

Since being talent-spotted by Nev,

Jeff's become a popular member of the call-centre family.

Jeffrey is a lovely, lovely sweetheart.

He calls me Princess Hayley.

He's like, "Princess Hayley, can I have some sweets?"

He's so polite, he's so polite.

Hey, Jeff.

-Princess Hayley, how you doing?

-Hello!

Big Jeff. Big Jeff.

Did I tell you I'm going to the dentist?

Today? Why?

-For your tooth?

-Yeah, the sweets.

Guess what time his appointment is as well.

-What time?

-CHUCKLING: 2.30.

I don't get it.

-LAUGHTER

-I don't get it.

2.30?

-Tooth-hurty?

-Oh!

That's good, that is.

That's brilliant, that is.

That is.

2.30 dentist appointment.

But Jeff's days in Swansea could be numbered.

His UK work permit is about to run out

so he needs Nev to perform another miracle.

-Jeffrey, you all right?

-Yeah, hi, Nev.

Hi, Jeff.

Um...

Yeah, my work permit is due to expire in two months and ideally...

In two months?

Yeah, so, since I've got a job now...

-Yeah?

-..you're supposed to sign off for me to reapply.

-Really?

-Yeah.

So if I don't sign...

Er...

..do you get kicked out of the country?

No, not kicked out, I'll move back home.

CHUCKLING: You'll get kicked out of the county!

Yeah, I'll move back home, yeah.

Ah, Jeff, let me have a look at this, let me have a look.

Oh, dear.

It's a dilemma, Jeff, it's a dilemma.

Erm...

I mean, you're a good worker, you're a nice guy and all that, but, erm...

..right now your arse is hanging out of a window.

And obviously... I've got to take advantage.

Oh, yeah?

-I tell you what.

-OK.

-I'll do you a deal.

-OK.

If you can beat me in a running race

I'll sign your form.

OK.

-Is that OK?

-That's all right.

Erm, "Jeff's challenge."

OK, you're in the diary.

I just hope you, erm...

..limber up, loosen up, do all the stretches necessary.

This is your career now.

Go on, get out, out, get out!

Good guy, really lovely guy.

Adds a lot to the accountancy team.

Adds a bit of energy into the accountancy team

and, boy, do they need it.

But, erm, Jeff does it with a smile on his face.

He's a genuinely happy guy

and I like happy people.

-Hello, guys.

-How did it go?

JEFF SIGHS

There's going to be a challenge.

-A challenge?

-Yeah.

Oh, boy, this is... Oh...

He's going to make this difficult for you, isn't he?

-I know, I know.

-Do you reckon he'll sign it?

If he doesn't, I've got to go home.

-Probably a good thing.

-Very funny.

Very funny.

We contacted you some time back

about you having a cavity-wall insulation.

Another staff member needing divine assistance

is cold-caller George Vorkas.

CALLER HANGS UP

31-year-old George has been drawing blanks on the sales board

since he recently joined a new campaign.

Er, yeah, of course -

it's George calling from Nationwide Energy Services.

Have you ever enquired about insulation before, sir, or...?

'Yeah, I've got it all, thanks.'

'Yeah, I've done enough. It's OK, thanks very much.'

-But we can do your walls as...

-MAN HANGS UP

My sales figures are not...

not what they used to be, unfortunately.

Think I had about three last week

and they are meant to be about 20 a week, something like that.

Although a couple of weeks ago I did have 13.

It's still not good.

George has been singularly unsuccessful in work.

He is probably the worst we've got at the moment.

We contacted you some time back

regarding your cavity-wall insulation.

'Right.'

Was there any reason why that was not done?

'Erm, a call back where, sorry?'

-Sorry?

-WOMAN HANGS UP

I don't know what she said.

There is a salesman in him.

He really can do the job.

The problem is that he negs himself out a lot.

If it doesn't go his way, he struggles to get it going,

shall we say. So I think a little bit of momentum,

a little bit of confidence, maybe...

..and we can get something going for him,

but at the moment, there's just nothing there.

George's manager Dwayne is running out of patience

with his underperforming underling.

You've got to remember,

sales is all about personalising a call, isn't it?

Yeah, definitely. I've tried that.

I've tried personalising it, but...

You can never just read something off a screen.

I know, I'm not reading it off the screen.

People don't buy from robots, man.

I'm not a robot, dude!

Nev, with his instinctive support for the underdog,

has tried to give George a helping hand wherever possible.

George hasn't any real family.

He ended up in Swansea as a result of being on a...

..a train, and he didn't even know where he was going.

A very kind family took him in and looked after him.

My adopted family, you know, they're, erm...

They're a family that kind of just took me under their wing, really.

I didn't have anyone

and they sorted me out, really helped me get my life back on track.

Hitting the alcohol quite hard then, so I weren't...

I weren't quite sure.

I didn't even know if I'd put my shoes on in the morning,

to be honest.

Was there any reason why you wouldn't like to go ahead with it?

Or just hang up instead.

People in the call centre are like an extended family to me.

If I ever left this place, I would feel gutted.

Possibly heartbroken.

You know, George is pretty much a loner and he needs help.

We'll see what we can do.

But as a businessman,

Nev can't allow George's dismal sales to continue.

Right here, right now, I'll try and get his head up

and get him going.

To try and break the losing streak,

Nev listens in to George's sales patter.

That's fantastic. Before I let you go,

was there any further questions that you'd like to ask me?

Anything I could help you out on?

Qualify the number. "Can I just check your number?"

Can I just check your number, please, before we go any...

-Er, before I let you go, sorry?

-And he's not impressed.

..1362?

Fantastic, fantastic. OK, thank you very much...

Thank you very much and have a nice day today, OK?

-Right, come with me.

-OK.

Right, can you just sit by there a sec. Right, George.

Are you all right, Dwayne?

Yes, very good, Nev, you OK?

Yep, not so bad. George.

-Upbeat people sell.

-Yeah, I know that.

Come on. You've got to get your head up.

You know you've done this a bit too much - undulation.

Five appointments since coming on. That's what you've booked in.

How long have you been on the campaign?

-Erm, a week tomorrow.

-You will never sell like that.

-Like what?

-That, down.

-Down, slouched?

An other thing - there is no emotion without motion.

-Yeah, I know, of course not.

-You know what I mean?

-Yeah.

Yesterday you sold absolutely zilch,

three fifths of sod-all yesterday.

Try the standing-up technique.

BRIGHTLY: Hello, Mrs Jones, how are you today?

Smile as you dial, basics.

Tomorrow is George's birthday and Nev has a surprise treat.

Tomorrow you're down with me in Pembroke,

the Pembrokeshire County Show is on

and you're with me eyeball-to-eyeball with people,

learn to stand up straight, learn to stick your chest out

and learn to say, "Good morning.

"How are you today?

"Sorry to bother you, two seconds."

You're going to do that to me on my birthday?

On your birthday with me down in Pembroke.

-Confidence.

-I'm oozing confidence.

Bounce all over them, Tigger it - you've become an Eeyore,

and you've got to be a Tigger.

I can be a Tigger.

# Bouncy, bouncy, bouncy Fun, fun, fun!

# But the most wonderful thing about Tiggers is I'm the only... #

-Get out!

-Right, I'm going.

-Out!

-Right, that's it.

Just try and kick him into shape.

Hello? Hello there, is this..? Hello? Hello?

Is this Mr Law?

Why would I keep him on if he is the worst sales person I've got?

Erm...

I do like George.

I will try one last campaign

to see if he can turn his game around

and, if he can't, then he will be going.

It's lunch time at the call centre,

but Nev's weight-loss challenge isn't on the menu for everyone.

-Made this last night.

-What is it?

-Pasta.

-With?

Cheese and bacon.

-Yeah, but it's pasta.

-I had them chocolates this morning.

-Was it nice? Did it fill you?

-Yeah, the box did.

-You had the box?

-Yeah!

But some are taking the competition seriously.

So what kind of smoothie are you going to...

I don't know, we're going to try a bit of broccoli,

a bit of cauliflower, bit of this, bit of that.

I'm not too sure about this.

I'm just going to eat juice.

You're just going to shit yourself to death are you, Nev?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's the stuff.

What the hell are you doing now?

-We're making jucifiers.

-Juicing.

-Look at that.

-What is wrong with these people?

If anybody's bitterly ill tomorrow, it's, erm...

It's all my fault.

How about we throw a Big Mac in there and see what happens?

THEY LAUGH

It's horrid.

-Don't tip it out.

-All right.

I'll finish all this later on.

In his quest to be crowned weight-loss champion,

Nev's on a strict diet of liquid lunch, breakfast and dinner.

See that brown stuff?

Looks like diarrhoea, probably tastes worse.

But I'm in this for the long haul,

we're going to get there.

This is going to lose me...

two stone.

Here we go.

Also rising to the challenge is Nev's trusty lieutenant Lisa.

This is all I've got for dinner today, is a tangerine.

I had a shake for breakfast.

I made my own shake

and this is my dinner, that's it.

That is my dinner.

It's not that I've got a lot of willpower,

I'm competitive.

So I haven't... It's not...

I don't think it's about that,

that's why I think when people join clubs

they do so well because they're competing against someone,

whereas I don't like to lose.

Lisa has worked at the call centre for four years

and has had Nev's support through good times and bad.

He's so generous to people.

It's quite heart-touching sometimes.

I was off work, I was off work for three months

because I lost one of my children.

One of my children died, sorry...

Even though I can cry now, talking about this,

I don't cry as a normal rule.

I think there's a time and a place

and it's not right to come to work and be miserable.

So I have my work Lisa

and I have my home Lisa.

I don't really know

how I will ever personally repay the company,

even though Nev would probably go crazy

if he thought I thought that I owed him something.

Because he doesn't really operate like that, but I was...

You know, I was given full pay

and I didn't have to put any sick papers in.

So the call centre...

..helped me to get back on track to me again.

Back at Nev's fat club it's time for the next weigh-in.

-I'm exactly the same.

-No, you've lost a pound.

-Lost a pound.

-Oh, there we are.

-Well done. Happy days.

OK, who's next? Come on, let's have it!

-Excelente!

-Yes!

-There we are.

-Hayley's lost two.

I lost a pound.

Excellent.

Next to hit the scales is Lisa,

who's been living mostly on tangerines to shed the pounds.

-Five pounds.

-THEY CHEER

# Come on, baby, light my fire. #

Finally it's Nev's turn

to see if his juice regime is doing the business.

18 stone 2. So that's seven pounds - half a stone.

Come on!

Get in there! You haven't lost half a stone between you lot!

I won. I lost more than anybody else this week.

I can't believe he beat me.

You and Nev have got your own little personal challenge going on as well.

Goddamn it.

Lisa's really going for it and I was really going for it,

but I was the champion, lost seven pound.

Yeah, I'm pleased. I'm going to do it again next week now.

Jeff from accounts needs Nev to sign his visa application form

so he can stay at the call centre.

I didn't know that erm... He...

What's it called?

A pass, is it, to go back home?

Is it a pass? Boarding pass? No?

What's it called now? Visa, visa, visa... Is it a visa?

He needs a visa to go back home now... What is it?

He needs a visa, or he needs to go back home,

or he needs to stay here, or something like that.

And, erm... What do you call it?

I think he needs Nev...

to sign something so he doesn't go back home.

But always keen to keep employees on their toes,

Nev won't sign unless Jeff can beat him in a running race.

I consider this to be the bridge I've got to cross

to get to the promised land, you know what I mean?

'Bless him, he's someone who keeps himself to himself as well,

'so for him to do this on Monday with everyone,'

it'll be quite...

I'll be like, "Go on, Jeffrey boy!" Not many people know him,

but I'm going to get everyone shouting "Team Jeff" and that, you know?

So, everyone will be on Jeff's side, bless him.

I'm surprised you're even doing it.

Jeff, you've got nothing to lose, mate.

Yeah, but, I mean, you know, just not used to the fact that,

I mean, everyone's watching and stuff, the whole pressure.

Just embrace it, Jeff.

With the race just days away,

Jeff's getting in tiptop condition to try and beat the boss.

But Nev's discovered a snag in his rival's training plan.

He's got to try and beat me in a running race

and, whilst practising, he's split his trousers and ripped them asunder.

So I've got his coat and he's running to the toilet

and I'm going to rescue poor old Jeff,

who's trying his best.

Jeff? I've got your coat. Jeff?

He was in here, he just didn't answer. I've got your coat, Jeff.

Oh, come on, Jeff.

It was only a little rip, wasn't it?

No, it was...

How you doing, Jeff?

Can I have my coat?

You haven't been wiping your bum with that hand.

No, can I have the coat?

Jeff split his trousers - I won't be a sec, Lee.

You can come in if you want, Lee, just come in.

That one's vacant, this one's not. What's that?

-Needle and cotton?

-Yeah!

-Oh, Jeff. Sorry, Jeff.

Jeff, what's happened?

Er, just occupational hazard.

How bad is it, Jeff?

It's really bad.

-Really bad?

-Yeah.

If you didn't have such a big backside,

you know, if you were slim like me you'd be all right.

This is how you know you're likely to lose the running race -

cos I'm slim and fit.

Hey, Jeff, you're looking good. Where you going, Jeff?

Why you walking like John Wayne?

I'm going back to my desk.

It's the John Wayne walk, it is? Thanks, James.

No worries.

Jeff.

One careful owner, low mileage,

try not to rip these cos they're Versace.

-Oh, OK.

-That's just design, that's fashion.

I could go home and change and come back.

-Bugger off.

-Thank you.

-Thanks. Bye, Jeff.

I think he's a bit embarrassed.

I don't know about you,

but I got the impression he was embarrassed.

It's happened to all of us, you know, we've all done it.

-'Hello.'

-Hi, there, could I speak to the homeowner, please?

-'Yes.'

Yeah, it's Simon calling back from Nationwide Energy Services

in regards to a grant for your cavity-wall insulation.

'No. I don't want any grants.'

Jeff isn't the only employee facing a Nev challenge.

Determined to bolster George's confidence,

he's taken him off the phones and out into the real world.

Face to face is different to on the phones, right,

a lot of eye contact. You know, lot of smile.

Smile as much as you can, right?

Yeah, definitely.

Happy people sell.

You smile with your eyes, don't you? Smile with your eyes,

so, really - you know, big eyes, OK?

-Yeah, definitely.

-You can do it, cos you already know it.

But you don't know it there -

you've got to know it in there, George, just get rid of the Eeyore.

Oh, dear. It's raining again.

Oh, me.

We don't want Eeyore selling for us, we want Tiggers.

-Tiggers, yes.

-Tiggers is what we want.

Definitely. And I'll be a Tigger by the end of the day.

Here we go. Turn up the heat. MUSIC PLAYS

Sing along, George.

# Left a good job in the city

# Working for the man every night and day

# One minute of sleep

# Big wheel keep on turnin'

# Proud Mary keep on burnin'

# Rollin'

# Rollin'

# Rollin' on the river... #

Singing, George? I can't hear you, George!

I'm always singing!

# Doop-doop-doop-doop

# Doop-doop-doop-doop-doop... #

Get with the doop-doops, George.

# Doot-doot

# Doop-doop-doop-doop... #

This is brilliant.

Whoo!

I've never been in a car with a millionaire before.

Around 75,000 people visit the Pembrokeshire County Show every year

to buy the finest local produce and livestock.

Ladies and gentlemen,

children of all ages,

put your hands together, scream if you feel like it,

for the legend of the sheep world...

Nev's hoping the crowds of potential buyers

will awaken the sales demon inside George.

Face to face, George, is just to improve your technique on the phone.

OK? If you can do it face-to-face

you will learn about doing it face-to-face

-and then you just adapt that onto the phones.

-OK, yeah.

Simple. Simple as a pimple.

-You know how to sell?

-Yeah, of course I do.

Right. Don't be a gauger, George - get out there!

Go and do it, George, come on!

Sorry, sir, can I interest you in free cavity-wall insulation today?

-No, thank you.

-Not a problem, sir.

Can I interest you in free cavity-wall insulation today?

No, thank you.

Hello, there. Can I interest you in some insulation today, sir,

-for your cavity walls?

-No, thank you. Thank you very much anyway.

Not a problem, sir, thanks for your time.

I'm trying to look for the right type of people to ask.

Hello, sir, can I interest you in cavity-wall insulation today, sir?

No, thank you.

You just get people...

I like it when I can't see people, I feel more comfortable.

I don't like doing this whole face-to-face...

insulation thing.

HORN HONKS

Hiya, you all right?

Time for a Nev Wilshire masterclass.

-Have you talked to anybody?

-I've tried...

I don't find it as easy as you, Nev, to, like, just...

Just talk to people, all you do is talk to people.

-Talking on the phone...

-See this young lady now,

watch this now, right. Young lady, talk to me.

-I'll sing to you in a minute.

-Come on, I'll talk to you.

-OK, talk to me. Where you from, then?

-I'm from Tenby.

Ah, lovely place, you lucky person.

Give me a pen. A deer with no eyes - "no-eye deer".

We can save you money

and then we can get you a cheaper fuel tariff.

-If it saves me money I'll be interested.

-OK, what's your name?

Charlotte Martin.

Charlotte Martin.

-Yes.

-That's posh, that is, mind, in Tenby. Are you posh?

-Delta Bravo.

Delta Bravo. Well played. We'll see what we can do.

-Thank you very much.

-It was lovely to meet you.

-And you. Thank you.

Right, George, how long was I here?

-Two seconds.

-Two seconds.

George, you see the grimace on your face.

It's not a grimace.

Yeah, you're just going... like that, instead of...

Keith's losing his hair.

Keep the smile on it.

Yeah, I know, but it comes so easy to you to go up and talk to people.

'It gets to the stage where you think,'

"Well, my time is better placed elsewhere."

Like, you know, as much as I love George and he's been there a while,

we're a sales organisation

and if you can't sell, you know, you're in trouble.

You know, there's got to be some sort of spark there,

there's got to be a desire, and if anybody's hungry for a job

and they really want to sell, then, yeah, I'll get it out of them.

But George's get-up-and-go seems to have got up and went.

What can I do to kick you up the arse and get you into gear?

I don't know.

I have no idea.

You can take a horse to water,

you can't make it drink, George.

'I'm going to see if I can get his head back up,

'settle him down again

'and get him into a pattern of selling.'

I haven't given up yet, erm...

but I'm pretty close.

It's just days till the final fat-club weigh-in.

And desperate to beat Nev,

Lisa's wasting no opportunity

to keep the pounds falling off.

Put them down now,

do some squats. Now I can type.

I can type but I can't see.

Feel the burn in my...

in my thighs.

This is good for your arse.

And I've got a big ass!

While Lisa goes the extra mile,

Nev appears to be sticking to his tasty juice regime.

Look at that.

In this one, we've got tomatoes,

celery, lettuce...

..lemon...and Worcestershire sauce to take the taste away.

Strategy.

If you drink it quickly...

..it still tastes gross.

It is never going to catch on.

Urgh.

That's horrible.

But Lisa's discovered that even her boss' legendary willpower

has a breaking point.

I'm going to print out a picture,

because I've found Nev cheating.

And here's the evidence.

Somebody took a picture of Nev yesterday

eating a chip sandwich.

Nev is so competitive,

I'm really taken aback that he's letting someone beat him,

cos I am beating Nev at the moment.

And I don't think he's going to like that,

he's going to go full pelt on this diet

because he hates people beating him.

Didn't want that to happen.

CHATTERING

It's been a week since Nev and George's motivational road trip,

but George's sales have stalled again.

So, your walls have not been insulated.

Was there any reason why the walls haven't been insulated?

-MAN:

-'No.'

Sorry?

PHONE DISCONNECTS

WOMAN: 'Hello?'

Hello there, is this a Mrs...?

'No, I'm sorry, this is the wrong number.'

That's not a problem...

'No, it's OK, thanks very much. Bye.'

LINE DISCONNECTS

'At the moment he's not performing,

'which in a sales job just ain't going to cut it. With these guys

'I expect them to be doing six, seven a day.'

I can't carry him any further or any longer on the sales floor

cos, erm, a seat that he's taking

is a seat that somebody else could be in making sales,

which is going to be a lot more beneficial to the customer, erm...

to the company.

Under call-centre guidelines,

continuously low sales can lead to dismissal.

The situation is, you know,

he's not selling anything then, you know,

or two deals a week worth 40 quid, then, erm...

there's nowhere to go.

But Nev's hoping another quiet word will do the trick.

-Hi, Nev.

-Hi, George.

-You all right?

-Erm, I'm all right, just about. You all right?

Yeah, yeah, I'm pretty good, Nev.

Erm...

George.

Your sales during this period have been virtually nonexistent,

worst in the company by a mile.

Yeah, I know.

-OK.

-You've got two weeks to sort yourself out.

All right, cool.

If in two weeks you don't make a dent in some sales,

-then I won't interfere with HR the next time round.

-All right.

-All right, cos you're then taking the piss out of me.

-All right.

-All right, go and sort yourself out, George.

-All right. Thanks, Nev.

OK, still love you.

Hey, still love you too, man.

Not in that way. As a friend.

-All right, thanks, Nev.

-As a boss.

As a boss, as a good boss.

I would have shouted at him...

but I don't think he could have taken it.

Despite George's flatlining sales figures,

Nev's doing everything possible to avoid wielding the axe.

Sometimes you need the kick up the arse,

but it's a management technique that I hate using.

I would rather encourage them

and make sure they're happy and, you know, but...

George has just been beyond the pale, erm...

Let's hope he turns it round. Let's see if it works.

It's the day of Jeff's race with Nev

to secure his future in the call centre and the country.

Oh, Team Jeff! Look at this!

You bunch of no-hopers.

Nev's refused to sign the work permit

to allow Jeff to stay in the UK

unless Jeff can beat him in a running race.

Just going to go for it, isn't he?

We're hopeful in this one. Team Jeff.

THEY CHEER

It's always nice knowing you have support.

Stretch.

Loosen up.

SHE HUMS "EYE OF THE TIGER"

To keep his place in the call centre accounts team, and the country,

Jeff needs to show Nev a clean pair of heels.

Come on, Jeff, come on, Jeff.

THEY CHANT: Jeffrey, Jeffrey, Jeffrey, Jeffrey, Jeffrey!

You ready? On your marks, get set, go!

CHEERING

I'll say go. On your marks...

Get set...

CHEERING

-Oh, bugger!

-Very easy.

-That was easy.

Doughnut?

Anyone's got a pen?

Well done, Jeff.

For once, Nev hasn't won. But this time maybe he's not too bothered.

What?

-Time for you to sign the dotted lines.

-Jeff...

..with my blessing,

have a work permit.

-Well done, Jeff.

-Thanks.

I think he's a happy boy.

He is a lovely lad, isn't he?

Come on.

I was obviously going to sign Jeff's work permit anyway, erm,

what type of bastard do you think I am?

I'm very, very pleased, you know?

It shows how much they want me to stick around,

so that I'm grateful for. Grateful.

Just for the record, Usain Bolt wears these as well.

Since Nev's ultimatum,

George has been pulling out all the stops to raise his game,

including a new clean-shaven image.

Hello there, it's George calling from Nationwide Energy Services.

Erm, I'm...

I'm not asking you to change anything, or anything like that...

HE SIGHS

But even this hasn't been enough to boost his sales figures.

Was there any reason why you never went ahead with it?

I'm sorry, sir?

It could be Mr or Mrs, isn't it?

Could be a man or a woman.

Well, I was not... I was not to know that, sir.

I don't want to get rid of George, I'd feel...

..awful if I had to get rid of George.

But he is far and away the worst sales person that we have got.

Yes, my man!

-Do me a favour, log out for a second for me.

-Why?

Nev wants to see you in his office.

Oh, what have I done this time?

The big man himself wants to see you.

The big man wants to see me, does he?

-I'll see you in a little while.

-Yeah, I'll see you in an hour then.

Nev's been forced into a tough decision

about George's future at the call centre.

-George.

-Hey, Nev.

-How you doing, son? Come on in.

-I'm all right. Yourself, Nev?

-I'm OK.

OK.

Anyway.

-You've shaved, George, you've shaved.

-I've shaved, Nev.

Well, that makes you look a lot more human.

-Oh, thank you.

-OK.

Heart-to-heart, George, heart-to-heart. OK.

Erm...

Honestly, you know, you like it here,

we all love you, erm...

but when you sell three fuel switches in a fortnight,

whatever it was,

it's £60 that you've earned in a fortnight.

Yeah, it's not...

It's not good, "nicht gut" as they would say in Germany, you know?

-I think we've come to the end of the road.

-OK.

I really believe that there is a place for everybody on this Earth

and we need to find your slot,

and it's an odd-shaped slot

-but we're going to try and find it.

-All right.

You know, I'm trying to have a bit of blue-sky thinking here, you know,

where can I slot you and what can we do?

I could move you into doing the mail, there is an opening

for somebody to sort the mail, right?

-I just need you to do it diligently.

-Yeah.

I need you to focus and concentrate and do it right.

All right, we've come a long way, let's not cock it up now.

-All right, Nev.

-All right? Thanks, George.

Thanks. Cheers, mate.

I could be saying goodbye to the place right now,

which is not what I want to do.

I do genuinely like the place, I've made a lot of good friends

but thinking about it, it's something new,

something I've never done before and it's...

I'm actually quite excited now,

now I've had a chance to come outside and get some fresh air,

I'm quite excited.

I haven't done this much for anybody before and this is a...

We're out on a wing and a prayer on this one, erm...

Let's see if we can find a vocation for him, cos it's not in sales.

I think I'll declare myself the head of the postal department

and I mean department - it's just me, so...

Yeah, I'm like the head of the postal department.

It's the day of reckoning for Nev and Lisa's weight-loss showdown

and the trash-talking has begun.

She might be competitive

but she's not in my league, really, is she, let's be fair.

You know, she's a novice when it comes to competing.

I've just got to beat Nev, I don't care about anybody else now,

cos Nev always wins everything and it pisses me right off.

You going down!

I'm not going down, you're going down.

Look at this, it's gone.

Men seem to lose weight quicker than women as well, and I know this,

so it's really difficult to be in competition with a bloke.

Look at him.

No, I'm not even turning round.

No, thank you.

Look at these.

Look at these!

No.

Oh, yeah, these are nice, look at that!

I'm going to leave these there for you and just see what happens.

No problem, I could look at them all day.

Bastard!

He is looking really lean, isn't he?

I don't care, I'll give it my best shot.

In order to make weight this last five days,

I have just about starved myself.

I've been having these juices all the time. I haven't drunk any juice today

cos I've been trying to starve myself even of juice today

just to make sure I have every chance of winning.

Right now, erm, I could eat whale and chips.

Are you ready for a Fat Bastards weigh-in?

Nev's rallying the troops for the final showdown.

Upstairs now. Now, now, now.

I got... I need fat bastards.

But not everyone's keen to stand up and be counted.

Hayley, now.

-Now.

-Not weighing, thanks.

-Now.

-I'm not weighing, I'm not weighing, Nev!

Just watch the floor, will you?

-I'm starving.

-Be careful. Are you starving?

-Yeah, and Kayleigh is.

Ah, never mind, see.

I'd have shaved if I'd have thought, there must be half a pound to shave.

After weeks of gruelling discipline, and the odd chip butty,

it's time to see who is the call centre's biggest loser.

I can't even fit in here, that's why I need to lose weight.

OK.

-Here we go.

-Don't be shouting out now, Nev.

So, since your last weigh-in, you've lost four pounds.

So that's five in total.

Nev's quest to inspire his workforce into weight-loss

seems to be working.

Here it goes.

Everybody's holding their breath.

You've lost five pounds.

THEY CHEER

But not everyone's going in the right direction.

-HE INHALES SHARPLY

-I know.

Since the first weigh-in, she's put on half a stone.

You've put on half a stone since the first weigh-in.

Finally, the favourites step forward.

Come on, Lise.

I'm not weighing till you leave the room.

-I'm not leaving the room.

-Yeah, I'm...

I need to see fair play.

No, there'll be fair play. I'm not cheating.

There'll be fair play.

Don't let him see it.

CHUCKLING

No, you can't, no!

-Come on.

-I need to see fair play.

You've lost 11 pounds.

THEY CHEER

Come on, Nev! Come on, Nev!

Now it's Nev's turn.

Hang on. Hang on.

And he's taking no chances.

Shoes...

socks...

shirt.

Let's go.

11 pound?!

I didn't have 11 pound to lose, did I?

Right, come on!

You've lost 13 pound.

Yes!

No! No! Cheat, it's a fix.

Well done, Nev.

Yes!

Nev's juice regime has shed 13 pounds,

earning him the call centre weight-loss crown.

Thank you all very much.

You all did very well - well, apart from Pippa.

Everybody did really well.

Excellent, excellent laugh.

Now I'm going to go and get fat.

THEY LAUGH

As expected, it was a walk in the park and, erm,

I stuffed Lisa out of sight - out of sight!

-You didn't.

-Didn't I?

-No.

All right then. She did very well.

You can't all win all the time.

-But you can try your best.

-But you can try your best.

But before the scales go back in the cupboard,

Nev's arranged one final weigh-in especially for Hayley.

Take the jumper off as well.

No, I can't - it's all-in-one!

I can't get my pecs out like you, Nev.

THEY LAUGH

Don't look at it then. You don't need to look.

Hayley, try not to break the scales.

-Blooming hell.

-Too fat for it, it's not working.

Oh, no, there's seriously something wrong with that.

Girls, there is. No, there is. Honestly now.

It's only, you've only put on three.

You've put on three pounds?!

-CRYING:

-No, there's something wrong with that.

-There is something wrong with it.

-Hayley.

-Don't get upset now.

-Hayley.

No, cos that means I've put on five pounds since last week in my house.

No, look, Hayley, I adjusted the scales.

-Did you?

-Yeah.

-Did you? Did you?!

THEY LAUGH

Did you really? Did you?!

What is it then?

-Exactly the same as you was before.

-Exactly the same as you were before.

HAYLEY GASPS

Are you serious?

-Yeah.

-Yeah, yeah.

Well done, Hayl, good girl.

-You bastard. Bastard!

-Argh!

Can I have a cup of tea now?

-Yeah.

-Thanks.

She must have forgiven me!

HE CHUCKLES

What a wanker of a boss, eh?

THEY LAUGH

See, one of the things about doing this job, I don't mind it,

it's good, but it's just the paper cuts at the end of it.

I'm wondering if I'd get danger money for that.

Let's see...

Come on, you bastard.

Steven, I've only put two sugars in here cos you're dieting now,

all right? Get used to it.

I don't know. I just want an Indian or something,

I just want a chicken bhuna.

-Hello, George.

-Hello, Nev.

-Are you getting into it?

-Yeah.

-All right, Jeff, how are you today?

-Very well.

Are you all right? Yeah, good.

I'm not sure what God will think of Nev, really,

but I'll say even the Bible says

a man is judged based on the content of their heart.

-Right. Now, get out!

-Oh, he shouted at me again.

HE LAUGHS

I think Nev's got a big heart

and I'm grateful for everything he's done for me.

-Ta-ra, George!

-See you later.

-Bye, love you. Bye!

-Love you too.

Call-centre enforcer Thorpy wants to have his cake and eat it...

-We have to share the cake.

-It's not, it's for my...

it's MY cake.

..Sales Agent Jody reveals her childhood dream...

I always thought that I was going to teach Welsh people

how to paint pictures of Jesus.

..and after being led a merry dance after his season tickets go missing,

Nev puts the boot in.

THEY LAUGH

A little bit of butt stocks always good for sales.