Exit Stage Centre Cagney and Lacey

He's outside awaiting the lock up.

All right, thank you.

The company was on their lunch break,

no-one saw her come off the catwalk.

'Life has burned too brightly in my breast

'and I can no longer endure.'

Suicide.

Excuse me.

Mary Beth. Want to take this to the lab, please?

-What is wrong with you?

-Nothing, I got something in my eye.

-You're crying.

-No, I'm not!

I got some dust or something in my eye. It is very dusty here.

Mary Beth, talk to me, what is...?

Do me a favour, Christine, don't argue.

You're right, it is very dusty in here.

I can't believe it.

I can't believe that Noreen Dixon would commit suicide.

There was nobody else in the theatre, Mary Beth,

there was a suicide note found in her pocket,

-there was nothing...

-No, no, I don't mean that,

Christine, I mean that she was Noreen Dixon.

Aw. Hey, listen to me, she was an actress.

Actresses are a little weird, you know that.

-That is a very prejudiced thing to say, Christine.

-What?

Hey, I'm sorry, actresses are artists.

Everybody knows that artists have a couple of screws lose.

-And none of us regular, ordinary people do?

-I wouldn't say that.

Well, I wouldn't say that either.

Mary Beth, wait up.

-Hello!

-Hey.

-Hey!

-How are you, babe?

-Hiya.

Hiya.

-You miss me?

-Yeah.

A lot.

We are in great shape, Mary Beth. If the weather holds in Saratoga,

we can start laying the foundation at the end of the month.

Oh, that's wonderful, sweetheart. That's wonderful.

Oh. Hey, you seem a little down. Anything wrong?

Noreen Dixon died today, Harv.

-Oh, the movie star.

-Yeah.

-I thought she was already dead.

-Harv!

-Oh, I'm sorry, Mary Beth.

-How did it happen?

-Suicide, it looks like.

-Oh.

-I know it is silly, Harv, but I feel like I lost an old friend.

-Remember her in Grand Destiny?

-Yeah.

-We saw that one on our first date.

Yeah. It's a real tearjerker.

-And at that movie, that's when I knew I liked you.

-Yeah.

You were crying your eyes out

and I was kicking myself for not having a handkerchief.

Yeah. I had to give you mine cos you were crying, too.

Oh, baby, they don't make them like they used to.

Oh, man.

From Here To Eternity, that was my favourite.

Yeah, I'll never forget the first time I saw it.

That movie got Angela and me so worked up,

we just took off for Maryland.

Maryland?

What, you wanted seafood?

No. Uh...

Well, we were, uh...

Underage.

Underage for what?

Who is Angela?

HE SIGHS

Mary Beth, I was 16-years-old, uh...

I mean, I thought I was in love.

I...I...I mean, you know how kids are.

Uh...uh...

Angela, she told her parents she was going to spend the night with

a girlfriend and so we drove down to Maryland and we, uh, got...

HE SIGHS

-You got what?

-Married.

Married?

Sweetheart, we didn't even spend the night together.

I mean, we couldn't afford a motel room. So we drove back.

We were going to try and borrow my brother's apartment,

but Angela's father was waiting for us at the Jersey Turnpike and, yeah,

he took us straight home and he got the marriage annulled the next day.

So, you see, babe, it was nothing.

SHE LAUGHS

Angela!

-The first Mrs Harvey Lacey.

-Oh, Mary Beth.

You better get ready for dinner, Harv.

You're not mad, are you?

Dinner is going to be ready soon, Harvey,

and if you're not, it gets cold.

Wow, yeah. Boy, it sure smells good, babe. What is it?

You have your secrets, Harvey...

So do I.

-Good morning, Chris.

-Oh, nice of you to come in.

Sorry, the subway was so jammed,

I had to wait for three trains before I could get on.

-Who's Gordon Lazaroff?

-Oh, he's a graphologist.

He does handwriting analysis for the Document Examiners Office.

They sent him Noreen Dixon's suicide note.

-Claims he has discovered something very important.

-What?

I don't know. He says he has to come over and tell us in person.

That's exactly how I wanted to spend my morning.

-Maybe he really has something.

-Maybe the next Pope will be Jewish.

Maybe Mr Lazaroff will be single and good-looking.

Maybe the next Pope will be a woman.

Sergeant Cagney.

-Yes?

-I'm Gordon Lazaroff.

-Yes, Mr Lazaroff. Please, won't you sit down?

-Oh, thanks, yes.

I'll try not to take too much of your time.

We appreciate anything you can tell us, sir.

You're very kind, most of the Department isn't.

They think what I do is...strange.

Some people even in my own office hum the theme from The Twilight Zone

-when I walk by.

-Hard to believe.

Could you tell us,

please, exactly what you found in the suicide note, Mr Lazaroff?

Yes. You can see it very clearly right in this part here.

'Life has burnt too brightly in my breast and I can no longer endure.'

Now, look at the energy in the B loops -

burnt, brightly, breast -

and the way the Os are crossed - too, no -

and look at the strength in those Ls - life, longer.

This is not Noreen Dixon's handwriting.

Oh, no, no, it's hers all right.

No, there's no doubt that Noreen Dixon wrote this note.

So what is your point?

When she wrote it, Noreen Dixon was not the least bit suicidal.

How does this guy think you can write a suicide note without

being suicidal?

Well, sir, apparently this science of handwriting,

graphology that is, has come a long way, sir, and they can tell things

about the way a person is feeling from the energy of the loops

and whether or not he or she is writing on the line

-or under the line...

-Cagney!

Personally, I think it's a lot of bull.

But you don't.

Well, sir, I had a kind of feeling that maybe this wasn't a suicide.

I mean, she doesn't seem to be a very likely type for suicide to me.

And I thought so even before this handwriting business.

Noreen Dixon is at the top of her profession.

Noreen Dixon has millions of fans all over the world.

Now, why would she want to kill herself?

Evidence. When do we get the ME's report?

-Any minute now, sir.

-All right,

-so let me know when it comes in.

-Yes, sir.

Cagney, you got a minute?

Yeah, sure.

Maybe you better sit down.

-Do you want me to close the door?

-Yeah, please.

Cagney, you know a lot of classy ladies.

Well, I need one of those for this thing I got to go to.

You want me to...find you a date?

It's black tie and it's Friday night.

-This Friday?!

-Yes.

Short notice, I know that, I'm sorry,

but the woman that I was going to take,

it turns out that she's got other plans that night.

Lieutenant, I'm not even sure I'd know your type. Maybe you should...

Well, she should be good-looking, but not a Miss Universe.

Beautiful but not a stunner.

And she should be intelligent.

But, you know,

not so smart that I don't know what she's talking about.

No rocket scientists, huh?

And she should have a good sense of humour, a nice laugh.

But she doesn't have to be a stand-up comic.

So forget Joan Rivers.

And if she's a little younger, well, I can handle that.

But no teeny boppers, OK?

Well, Lieutenant,

most of the women I know are a little more sophisticated than that.

Oh, yeah, sure. What am I worried about?

If she's a friend of yours, chances are she's no spring chicken.

-The ME's report.

-Yeah?

-Finding of the autopsy.

This is not what you could call a simple suicide.

And I think I could tell you who done it, too.

We apologize for bothering you again, ladies and gentlemen.

We know that you have already given your statements,

but we have to check some facts here.

And make sure that we have them all right.

OK, you, you're Iris McIntyre, the late Ms Dixon's understudy.

-Am I correct, ma'am?

-I am the producer, Gerilee Thackeray.

Or I was when we still had a play.

And those rumours about her being the Beast of Broadway

-are simply untrue.

-Cute.

-She stoops to conquer.

-You must be the playwright, Mr Eric...

-Webber, right.

I was also the director.

Isn't that a little unusual, Mr Webber,

-for a playwright to direct his own play?

-Noreen insisted.

-That way she thought she could really direct the play herself.

-Cute.

So, you must be Iris Redfern, Ms Dixon's secretary.

No, I was her understudy.

-Jean McIntyre.

-Oh, gee, I got you all mixed up.

So...

-You must be Iris Redfern.

-Yes.

-Ms Dixon's secretary.

-That's right.

Well, at least we all know who you are, sir.

Who among us would not recognize Mr Chet Gardner,

Ms Dixon's co-star in so many of her movies.

And here, too, I'm afraid.

And second billing once again.

It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr Gardner, I've loved all your movies.

What a lovely compliment.

Especially from such a charming young lady.

Thank you.

I mean, you're welcome.

You were married to Ms Dixon for a time, sir.

Am I right? Her death must have been a terrible shock.

About as terrible as our marriage.

I thanked my lucky stars when Noreen divorced me.

Oh. Ok.

Well, I think I got you all straight.

Oh, gee, this is great!

I love the theatre!

We never could go much when I was a kid.

It was a big treat, big treat.

Well, thank you.

How Do I Love Thee? It's the name of the play, huh?

It's about Robert and Elizabeth Barrett Browning.

Oh, I love her poetry.

"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

"I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can..."

What is that, make-up?

Noreen and Chet came out during intermission

and did a make-up transformation into their character's later years.

Yes, I did it downstage left and she sat over there.

Right here in front of the audience.

Huh, isn't that something?

What is this?

It's for the neck. Noreen was very proud, she had to wear it.

She had very few wrinkles for a woman her age.

I saw about this once on TV how they do this.

They stick it on with this here.

Spirit gum, they call it.

That's got kind of a strong smell, huh?

You take this, you put it on the rubber thing,

and then you stick the rubber thing on your neck.

Detective, I wouldn't put that on.

I'll be very careful.

You may have an allergy to spirit gum, a lot of people do.

-Thanks, I can't afford allergies.

-Detective, please don't.

-Why not?

Ms McIntyre,

because you know it's dangerous to put this spirit gum on one's neck?

That spirit gum has traces of synthetic arsenic in it.

-Which you've been using to poison Noreen Dixon.

-What?!

Ms McIntyre, I'm afraid we're going to have to take you

downtown for questioning.

I told you, I didn't want to kill her.

The medical examiner confirmed there was not enough arsenic to kill her.

It's still attempted murder, Ms McIntyre.

I only wanted her to miss a few performances -

the last few previews and opening night.

-So you could be reviewed by the critics?

-I am 55-years-old.

My career was never secure like Noreen's.

I still have to worry about my next job.

Well, wouldn't people think it was funny,

Ms Dixon missing her opening night like that?

Noreen was famous for what she called her little sinking spells.

She'd pulled them before on opening night.

Can I get this straight?

You say you have no hard feelings for Ms Dixon,

you just wanted to help your career by poisoning her?

All right, you'll find out sooner or later.

I didn't kill her...

..but I hated Noreen Dixon more than I've ever hated anyone in my life.

We met when we were both ingenues back in summer stock.

In one play, I had the lead, she was my sister.

We had a big emotional scene where she had to slap me.

At our dress rehearsal, she accidentally forgot to

take off her ring, cut my face all the way to the eye.

I went to the hospital and Noreen went on in my place.

You don't think she did that on purpose?

Oh, absolutely.

Oh, I know what you're thinking,

"Millions of people loved Noreen Dixon."

But they never knew what she really was.

OK, so the understudy has an airtight for the time of death.

This producer could have pushed Noreen Dixon off that catwalk.

Forensics didn't find anything to prove she was pushed.

They didn't find anything to prove she wasn't.

The producer does make a fortune due to Ms Dixon's death.

You think she's the type to kill for money?

Vito! Vito, no.

Be careful with that backdrop, it costs a mint

and I want to use it again. Oh, hello, ladies.

I can give you exactly five minutes of my time. Oh, love the coat.

This is a homicide investigation, Ms Thackeray.

Well, you arrested Jean McIntyre, I thought it was over.

She was charged with felonious assault and released on bail.

There's no actual evidence that she killed Ms Dixon.

I see, so, uh, I'm a suspect again.

We found out something quite interesting, Ms Thackeray.

You had trouble insuring this production, didn't you?

Every company in town knows about Noreen Dixon's reputation.

Apparently, you had to settle for a policy with a special clause

in it - you weren't covered if she got sick.

The only way you could cash in on your play

if it failed to open was if Ms Dixon died.

In case you've forgotten,

I accounted for my whereabouts at the time of Noreen's death.

Yes. In your original statement,

you said you went to have lunch with your accountant.

And he confirmed it!

The waiter said that you were gone from the table when the salad

was served and the stage doorman remembers your coming back here.

-Well, I forgot my appointment book, that's why I came back.

-Uh-huh.

-Did you see Noreen Dixon when you came back?

-No.

But, well, I could hear her going over her lines in the orchestra pit.

I knew better than to bother her.

-Why's that?

-Well, Noreen had a tendency to, um...scream at people.

You didn't like her very much, did you?

SHE LAUGHS

Our relationship was a legend in show business.

Everybody knew we loathed each other.

Years ago, Noreen broke up my marriage.

Well, that particular husband I happened to love...very much.

A month after the divorce,

-Noreen dropped him. I think she did it deliberately.

-Why?

Well, Noreen loved making people miserable.

Ms Thackeray, we'll probably be wanting to talk to you again

later, so you'll certainly let us know if you have to leave town?

Certainly. Certainly!

Oh, I wasn't the only one who could have cheerfully killed Noreen,

almost everyone I know had something against her.

Ta!

Not exactly Miss Congeniality.

Sometimes, Christine, when people are on top,

-other people get jealous.

-Jealous?

We've heard things about Noreen Dixon that make Lady Macbeth

look like Mary Poppins.

Maybe you shouldn't believe everything you hear, Christine.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I played this part in college.

A saint!

Interesting casting.

I was very good.

The director was kind of a jerk. But I played all ten performances.

It was my last fling at acting, however.

I feel kind of funny going through her belongings, Christine.

She'll forgive you, Mary Beth.

Especially if we find out which one of her friends bumped her off.

Come here, look at this.

Look at this here.

'My Life Upon The Wicked Stage, by Noreen Dixon.'

-Her memoirs?

-Oh...

-What?

-Let me.

So where are they?

Uh, leave a message when you come in, please.

Ms Dixon's secretary didn't answer,

so I left a message on the writer's machine.

Well, they should all be at the memorial service tomorrow.

If the writer and the secretary don't know about the missing

memoirs, somebody else will.

Do you have any single friends, Mary Beth?

It's not for me, it's for a friend.

A male friend. I have to get a date for this guy I know.

-Can you tell me anything about this man?

-No.

-Christine!

-I think that my friend would prefer that I remain discreet.

You're asking me to blindly set this fellow up on a blind date?

You don't want to help me, you don't have to.

I'd like to help you, Christine.

You're not giving me much to go on here.

I've called everybody I know. Laura Carter's getting engaged.

Nikki Levine just moved back in with her ex-husband.

And Julia Barker gave up men for Lent.

I tell you, women friends, they're a dying breed.

Sure for somebody who spends their time only with men.

You missed a great musical, babe.

I was not in the mood for Nelson Eddy and Jeanette MacDonald.

You're not going to wear that stuff to bed?

This is deep cleansing, Harvey.

I can't get deep cleansing in five minutes.

Directions said overnight.

About as long as your first marriage.

Mary Beth, I don't know what you want from me.

-The truth would've been nice.

-I told you the truth.

By accident, after 17 years.

-You think you know a person.

-Babe, it never occurred to me to tell you.

Sure, I'm only the second wife.

Dammit, Mary Beth, it didn't mean anything!

We were married less than a total of 24 hours.

And then it completely slipped your mind.

OK, OK, you want to know what it was? It was sex!

Not in front of the baby, Harvey!

That's what it was, we wanted to do it,

but we felt too guilty if we weren't married.

-Is this supposed to be making me feel better?

-Dammit,

we didn't get near a bed. The father caught us before we did anything more

than kiss!

Poetic justice.

APPLAUSE

Ladies and gentlemen, I thank you all for coming this afternoon.

Would you look at that man?

-Huh? 20 years, he hasn't aged one bit.

-Shh!

..as dear Noreen used to say.

That wherever she is, she is touched and gladdened...

If everybody hated Noreen Dixon so much,

how come there isn't an empty seat?

Give the people what they want, Mary Beth, they'll show up for it.

No-one more than I know what the passing of our beloved Noreen

really means - the sudden emptiness...

Makes you want to throw up, doesn't it?

I told Chet I'd write him a eulogy, but no,

he insisted on giving his own. Actors!

He could read the phone book.

-Still the sexiest man in the world.

-Will you please!

So you said you wanted to know about Noreen's memoirs, huh?

-Have you seen them?

-Oh, no, Noreen wouldn't let anybody read them.

She took them with her everywhere. That scared poor Chet to death.

And her greatest qualities always came out in the littlest ways.

-For instance...

-Scare Mr Gardner?

Well, for 20 years, she threatened to tell his secret to the world.

Every time Noreen wanted to get Chet,

she'd just haul out those precious memoirs that supposedly told all.

Told all what?

You're kidding.

I thought everybody in New York knew,

even if they didn't in Peoria.

Noreen and Chet were married in name only.

He's as gay as the 1890s.

With regal grandeur,

she stepped out of that limousine and, with a wave of her hand,

she stopped that traffic cold!

And I thought, "This, this is a true lady."

Sergeant, there were times I could have annihilated Noreen.

But I am an actor -

I don't do such things in real life any more than you do.

You and Ms Dixon went back a long ways, didn't you, Mr Gardner?

Your first picture together, Broadway Babies, 1950. Am I right?

As much as I hate to admit it, yes.

I'll tell you our whole sordid story over a pot of tea.

-Please, make yourselves comfortable.

-Oh, thank you.

Another fantasy down the tubes.

Still, he has nice eyes, don't you think?

Mary Beth, look at this.

-Come here!

-Oh, no.

-Come here!

If this is another secret, I'm not so sure I want to know.

Remember when Chet Gardner said he didn't steal Noreen's memoirs?

-Yes.

-How do you think he's going to explain that?

'My Life Upon The Wicked Stage, by Noreen Dixon.'

That's kind of coincidental, isn't it, Christine?

It is like something out of an Agatha Christie book.

KNOCK ON DOOR Yeah, sweetheart.

Be with you in a minute.

KNOCK ON DOOR Yes, honey.

-Hi.

-Thank you.

What is all this? Where is everybody?

The boys are at my mother's, Alice is asleep.

It's for you, babe.

-Feeling pretty guilty, aren't you, Harvey?

-Huh?

You went to a lot of trouble here.

I'm trying to make up, Mary Beth.

Is this what worked on your first wife?

For crying out loud, would you leave it alone?

You been mad longer than I was married.

It's not the marriage, Harv, it's the deceit.

OK, OK, so I didn't tell you,

but I could have kept a lot worse secrets from you, Mary Beth.

I could've...I could've been an axe murderer.

I could've been...I could've been a slumlord.

But no, no, I made a bigger mistake,

I got married once, for one day!

And now, I'm going to have to be crucified for it

-the rest of my life.

-Harvey...

-Here, you eat the dinner, I'm going out!

-Harvey, wait a minute.

You know, it could've been a lot worse,

Mary Beth, I could have worked for the CIA.

Cagney.

-Good morning, Lieutenant.

-Would you tell me what is going on?

-I beg your pardon?

-My date, have you found her yet?

Lieutenant, you know, if you had just given me more notice...

Yeah, I understand, I understand.

-I tried.

-Oh, yeah, sure, I understand. Thanks.

Maybe I should talk to Isbecki. The other day I overheard him

raving about some female musician friend of his.

Cheryl Carey.

-Sherry Carey?

-Yeah, you know her?

She is a stripper who plays the accordion, Lieutenant.

Wouldn't make the right impression.

What is this event you are supposed to go to anyway?

Well, it is sort of a celebration, you know?

My son, my kid, David, he has managed to put together enough money

to buy into a restaurant.

Why don't you take Thelma?

Cagney, remember I told you

about this woman that I wanted to take but she had other plans?

That was Thelma.

She's going already, with an airline pilot that she has been dating.

Thin and, uh, tall.

With a lot of hair.

Certainly not my type.

Didn't used to be Thelma's.

-Lieutenant, I do know somebody who would fit the bill.

-Oh, yeah?

-She's a workaholic.

-I can relate to that.

-She's fun.

-I've got nothing against fun once in a while.

Is it a problem if she works in the Department?

Hell no! No, what precinct is she in?

14th.

Are you serious?

Every now and then.

That's...that's just great.

Um, cocktails start at six o'clock.

And then a buffet dinner after that.

-I'll pick you up, OK?

-OK.

Uh, Cagney.

-You know, you don't have to do this.

-Yeah, I know.

Yes, sir, and she had received the advance and everything was...?

But you never saw any of the actual manuscript ever?

All right.

Thank you very much. Bye-bye.

-What was that all about?

-Noreen Dixon's publisher.

He said Noreen Dixon never turned in any of her memoirs.

Maybe she was holding out until they were all finished.

Or maybe she never started.

Lab findings on the ashes from the fireplace - negative for ink.

-You mean the whole thing was blank?

-Except for the title page.

Somebody only wanted us to think they were the missing memoirs.

I didn't kill her.

-I swear, I didn't!

-Either way, we could take you in for obstruction.

-You burned those memoirs.

-Fake memoirs, fake!

She carried around blank pages and tantalized everyone with them

for 20 years.

So, you burned up blank pages and the title page

and you planted them in Chet Gardner's apartment.

Chet has to be the killer.

I was sure that once you were on to him, Chet would confess.

If you had reason to believe that Chet Gardner was guilty,

-why didn't you come forward?

-I didn't think you would believe me.

I have written enough mysteries to know what it takes to convict

someone - I don't have that kind of proof. But I know how he did it.

Noreen was rehearsing in the pit.

She wouldn't hear Gardner sneak up on her.

He knocks her out and then he throws her over his shoulder, just like

he did with LaFlor in Pirates Cove, and then he climbs up a ladder,

and he walks across the catwalk, and then he throws her off.

Isn't Chet Gardner a little old for that, Mr Webber?

Chet Gardner is in very good shape.

LAUGHTER

That's very funny, Eric.

-I didn't know you did comedy.

-I don't find murder very amusing.

Neither do I.

But the idea of Chet Gardner climbing into the fly loft...

You should look up from your typewriter more often.

What are you talking about?

-Chet Gardner is afraid of heights.

-What?

-That isn't true!

-Trust me, stuntmen live off of Chet Gardner.

The man gets nose bleeds if he stands on a chair.

So much for that theory.

Maybe you should ask Eric why he is

so anxious to prove Chet Gardner killed Noreen.

He has a very interesting reason, don't you, Eric?

Or maybe you should ask Iris Redfern.

You play your little games with someone else, Gerilee,

I don't enjoy them.

You care to explain what you just said, Ms Thackeray?

Moi?

You haven't been very straight with us, neither one of you.

-I don't know what you mean.

-Well, my partner loves old movies,

Ms Redfern.

And she remembers that Noreen Dixon had played a character named Iris...

-Mayfield.

-Around the time that you were born.

-In All My Tomorrows, with David Niven.

-So we did some checking.

We found out that you, Iris Redfern, are Ms Dixon's niece.

Since when is nepotism a crime?

Nepotism is not, Mr Webber, but fabrication of evidence is.

You went out of your way to set up Chet Gardner

as Noreen Dixon's murderer, why?

-I told you, I thought...

-I know what you told us.

What you didn't tell us is that you and Ms Redfern are rather involved.

Ms Thackeray said that Noreen Dixon

had forbidden the two of you to see each other.

Ms Thackeray also told us that you were rather bitter about that.

Working night and day for a prima donna

who wouldn't let you have a private life of your own.

Maybe bitter enough to kill for your freedom.

Oh, come on, that's ridiculous. Iris couldn't murder anyone.

Why should we believe you, Mr Webber?

You've already lied about Chet Gardner,

setting him up to protect your girlfriend here.

I did not kill my aunt.

She was mean and vain and impossible to work for,

but she was also the only family I have left.

I could have never hurt her.

Eric lied to protect me because he knew

I didn't have an alibi the afternoon she died.

It was a mistake, that's all.

Because he loves me.

Haven't you ever been in love?

I guess we can scratch them off.

What is that supposed to mean?

Well, you saw them, Christine, they're lovers, not murderers.

Oh, you're breaking my heart, Mary Beth.

They were lying to protect one another.

Christine, do you really think that those two people murdered

Noreen Dixon?

At this point, I think they all could have done it,

and probably wanted to.

Cynic, you are a cynic, Christine.

-My money is on the producer.

-No way, it's got to be Chet Gardner,

he is the only one man enough to carry her up to the catwalk.

He is afraid of heights, Isbecki.

That's like saying John Wayne is afraid of horses.

Maybe it was the playwright, he tried to frame them.

He had a tasty thing going with the niece.

She probably inherits a fat piece of change if it's a homicide.

Yeah, but don't forget the understudy, she tried to poison her.

-Where is Ms Marple when we need her?

-Wait a minute!

Maybe it is like Murder On The Orient Express,

-maybe they all did it!

-Colonel Mustard did it.

-In the library.

-With a pipe wrench.

-Cut it out.

I would like to remind you people, this is a homicide here,

it's not some game.

-A great star lost her life.

-We know that, Mary Beth.

Good, cos I couldn't tell.

I mean, this may be a lot of fun for all of you,

but it wasn't too terrific for Noreen Dixon.

You want to play games, go ahead, count me out.

-What's eating her?

-She's a fan.

-Ah.

Too bad there's no butler.

LAUGHTER

Are we going to work this out or what?

How long are you going to continue acting like a teenager, Mary Beth?

Did you love Angela?

Yeah, as much as you can love somebody when you're 16-years-old.

That's how old you were the first time...

Was she the one?

Yeah, but that was much later.

We were supposed to not see each other,

so we sneaked off to my brother's place - Romeo and Juliet.

You don't have to tell me all the details, Harvey.

Oh, honey, that was such a long time ago.

What Angela and I felt for each other, that was puppy love.

It was a warm-up for the real thing.

It wasn't the marriage, Harvey, it was the secrets.

I felt like I didn't know you,

like I had been with some stranger the whole time.

Honey, I swear, I didn't mean

to keep any secrets. I had almost forgotten.

I want us to be honest, Harvey, not like the rest of the world.

I promise.

I cross my heart.

So this Angela, was she pretty?

We're being honest here, Harvey.

How honest?

Never mind.

"Guess now who holds the...

"..death," I said.

But there the silver answer rang -

not death,

but love.

I love thee with the love that I seem to lose with my lost saints.

I love the with the breath, smiles,

tears of all my life.

And, if God choose...

..I shall but love thee better after death.

Ah!

Great stuff.

-Good morning, Christine. What is going on?

-I read the play.

Yeah, we both read the play. There was nothing in it.

I read Noreen Dixon's copy. It was a very illuminating. Come with me.

In the scripts we read, there was no mention of suicide.

Elizabeth Barrett Browning didn't commit suicide.

I know it, but Noreen Dixon thought she should have.

And in her version of the play, she tore out the last scene

and rewrote a whole new one.

The only thing missing is the last speech.

-The suicide note.

-Exactly!

That's why she wasn't suicidal when she wrote it,

these are just words her character was supposed to say.

I told you actresses are weird!

You think the rest of them know about the note?

-Theatre is a small world.

-So... What now?

We can't even prove it's murder, never mind who did it.

I want to look at the catwalk up there,

see if forensics missed anything.

-Why don't you just look around down here?

-Right.

Mary Beth!

Help!

Christine! What are you doing down there?

Here, Mary Beth!

Where? I can't see you.

Whoooooooa!

Christine!

What are you doing?

-Peter Pan.

-Your voice was coming from the orchestra pit.

I'll explain it later, OK?

Just get me down from here.

Sure, Chris.

Hang on, OK?

This theatre plays an acoustical trick -

you all thought that Ms Dixon did her rehearsing in the orchestra pit

during your lunch hour because it seemed as though her voice

were coming from there.

But in reality, she was on the catwalk every day!

But it sounded as though her voice was coming from the pit.

On the day she died, Noreen Dixon was up there, as usual.

She was rehearsing a very emotional scene,

the scene she was hoping Mr Webber might put in his play.

Which you were all aware of.

Unfortunately,

Ms Dixon got a little carried away with what she was doing

and she leaned her weight against a faulty gate in the railing.

The gate swung open...

And she fell.

-So it wasn't murder.

-It was an accident.

It was death by overacting.

God, I am so tired.

That was very crazy up there, Christine.

Yep.

Chet Gardner would've had his stuntman do it.

-Go home, get some rest.

-That's what I'm going to do.

A hot bath, a stiff drink and 12 hours of uninterrupted deep sleep.

What are you going to do?

Oh, Harvey is trying to get me to go to the movies.

I don't know if I ever want to go to the movies again.

-Good night, Chris.

-Good night.

Oh, Lieutenant,

-you look like a million dollars.

-Thank you.

Have a lovely time, sir.

-Thank you, Lacey.

-Good night.

-Good night.

Good evening, Cagney.

-Lieutenant, hi. You look great!

-It's a rental. Nice, huh,

to know there's other guys around exactly my size.

-Yeah, I was just on my way home to get dressed.

-Cagney.

-All I need is 30...45 minutes tops.

-Cagney, please, listen.

You said cocktails aren't until six o'clock, right?

Cagney, I hope you understand, but I changed my mind.

I thought, you know,

it would be better if I would hack this on my own.

You're just saying that because I look tired.

You give me a couple cups of coffee and I'll dance all night.

I thought I told you, though,

that dragging somebody else to this, it doesn't make any sense.

What, I should impress Thelma?

Thelma is going to be impressed tonight by our son.

-You sure?

-Yeah.

Now why don't you get out of here, huh? Go on home, get some sleep.

All right, I will.

-I was just going to sign this DD-5 you were waiting for.

-Good.

-Have a good time, Lieutenant.

-Oh, thanks, I intend to.

Great.

-You're not mad I made you see her again?

-No, sweetheart.

I don't know how many times I've seen that picture,

not including reruns on TV,

-and every time my heart breaks.

-As long as you had a good time, babe.

-Why is that?

-What?

That I know all these terrible things about Noreen Dixon,

and I see her up on the screen, it doesn't matter.

-Everything else goes away.

-Well, it's magic, babe.

All the great ones got it, it's why we keep going back.

-Magic?

-Yep. And romance.

-In fact, I have been thinking about that all day long.

-Lacey!

Mrs Lacey.

Oh, honey.

Madame?

Perfect timing, Jimmy.

Magic and romance. Once around the park, Jimmy.