Lottery Cagney and Lacey

Oh, this is awful, Christine. It wasn't just the one charity.

I had a whole lot of other receipts in here.

I told you not to do your own taxes. No wonder you're being audited.

-Thank you, Christine.

-I never, ever do my own taxes.

I usually have a man do them, but...

-Yes, Victor?

-Getting audited, huh? No kidding.

-No kidding?

-By the IRS?

No, they're being audited by the Department of Agriculture.

Hey, Cagney, I've got a question for you.

If you could have any dog that you wanted, what kind of dog would you pick?

-This is a trick question.

-No, really.

The annual dog show at the Garden opens this week. It's just on my mind.

Victor, you've never been interested in dog shows.

-Sometimes, I like to go...

-Is this one of those personality tests out of your magazines?

You ask me what kind of dog I like and I say, "Oh, a Doberman Pinscher"

and you'll say, "Hey, guys! Cagney just said Doberman Pinscher!"

No, no, it's really just for me.

Hey, Coleman. Cagney said Doberman Pinscher!

LAUGHTER

Anyway, what happened with your taxman?

Oh, he got off probation and moved to South Carolina.

Off proba...? You've got an ex-con doing your taxes?

He was a very good worker, Christine, and we never got audited before. Harvey's very worried.

-Cagney, Lacey.

-Good morning, sir.

-Huh?

-Good morning.

Oh, yeah, good morning. Listen, you two are up.

Just took a call about a crime at the lottery office.

-Let's see. Mrs Burnside.

-What kind of crime?

She said she would explain to the detectives when they get there.

-So, get there.

-Yes, sir.

Lotteries are held all over the country, all over the world.

Why does this have to happen to me?

I bet the state lottery's never had this problem.

Now, what exactly is it that happened, Mrs Burnside?

Right, well, this particular lottery was drawn almost one full year ago

and two winners were paid already - 2 million apiece.

We put out a news release that the time limit is almost up

and now these two men are each presenting winning tickets.

So, good for them, right? They both get 2 million.

But the problem is there were only three winning tickets printed.

One of those two men out there is attempting to perpetrate a fraud.

Have a seat.

So, then after Charlene died,

I had to sell everything, you know, to pay the doctors.

Then I moved into the projects.

-It's not a nice neighbourhood.

-I see, sir.

And you, um, you purchased a ticket at your local newsstand?

Yeah, I must have. I mean, doesn't it say on the ticket?

Isn't there a special code or something?

Well, I don't know, but if there is, we'll check on that too.

Now, you say you got this ticket as a gift?

Oh, yeah. It's a funny story.

See, this bar I work in - The Glide-In -

gets sort of a mixed bunch.

So, this guy, his name is Tommy.

He comes in a few months back, he has a couple of drinks

and then he reaches in his pocket to give me a tip.

-Well, he's flat busted, see?

-I see.

-Yeah.

So, all he had is this old lottery ticket, all gummy and wrinkled up.

Forgot he even had it.

Then he gives it to me as a tip. Was I sore!

So, I got it framed and hung it over the bar.

"The worst tip I ever got." Can you beat that?

-Well, it fits.

-Yeah.

There's nothing wrong, is there, Officer?

-I do get the money, don't I?

-Oh, yes, sir. Winners do get paid.

But we have to clear up a few things first, all right?

OK.

You had this ticket all along and you didn't know it?

It's lucky I never throw anything away.

This Tommy, do you remember his last name?

Listen, at The Glide-In, you ask a guy his last name,

he don't come back!

OK. No last name.

-And you missed the drawing on TV?

-I don't have a TV.

There's one at the senior centre, but I don't like it down there after dark.

Mm-hm. What about the newspaper?

Well, I had to let my subscription run out. It was too much money.

And I don't have any friends or family even to tell me.

That is the winning number, isn't it?

-Oh, yes, sir. It's the right number.

-Oh, boy!

You know, I always manage to get by.

You know, 40 years with the US Postal Service,

I always thought that would be enough with my pension and all.

Funny, it sure isn't.

Sir, forgive me for asking this, but I was wondering

if you have so little money, how is it that you can afford to buy all these lottery tickets?

Well, it's probably foolish, I know,

but an old man's got to have a dream.

Yes, sir.

Oh! Why does this have to happen to me?

I'm not a bad person. What did I do to deserve this?

It'll work out, Mrs Burnside. Now, let me ask you something.

Don't the tickets have a magnetic strip on them

like a credit card to prevent forgery?

No, that was the old lottery. The new ones just have the computer code number.

That's why this is such a mess.

Wait, wait, why can't the two tickets be verified on the computer?

-Because the computer dumped the coding data.

-I beg your pardon?

Dumped! Erased! Happened about 10 months ago.

Oh, I don't know. It was a freak accident. It hasn't happened again.

I mean, it was an accident, but do you think that they will remember that?

Oh, no! It was MY lottery so it will be MY mistake.

There'll go my chances for a seat on the Racing and Wagering Board.

-The lab will pick up on the forgery.

-What will I tell the newspapers?

What will I tell the board? It's not my fault.

Of course not.

All I said was your guy looked like a weasel.

My guy is a sweet old postman. My money's on your guy.

-My guy?! How much?

-It's a figure of speech, Christine.

You said your money was on my guy. How much? 20 bucks?

-20? No!

-10?

5? Five bucks says your guy did it.

My guy is a senior citizen living on a government pension.

-Your guy works in a bar.

-Oh, right.

He works in a bar so let's lock him up.

-Five bucks, Mary Beth.

-All right, Christine. 5 says it was your guy.

-Got it. I still say it's your guy.

-It was NOT my guy!

-Five bucks.

Oh, what am I talking about 'my guy'?

He's not my guy. He's not my guy!

Where is it? Do you know where it is?

They are going to kill us, Mary Beth. They're going to kill us.

Harvey, would you calm down? It's not like we're some big-time tax evaders.

You don't understand, Mary Beth. These guys, they're killers.

They are trained to spot the tiniest little mistake

and once they do, that is it.

-What is this?

-What is what?

"MOS trailer rental." It's movable office space.

-The job at the... Ah!

-What?

-No!

-We used that trailer for poker on Friday night.

-So?

-Don't you see?

I mean, the rest of the time, it was strictly for business.

I mean, if they disallow a deduction this size...

-Somebody must have ratted.

-Why would they do that, Harvey?

Why? The reward, Mary Beth. The reward. That's how they operate.

I am telling you, these guys go for the throat.

Sweetheart, do you think maybe you're getting a little crazy here?

I'm telling you, this could be a penalty for 500 or 600 right there.

Oh, one more thing.

-When we get there tomorrow, do not put your hands on the chair arms.

-Why not?

Because they have little sensors in them to measure your skin response

to see whether you are lying or not.

Oh, no, but they do, Mary Beth. I heard.

Can't people hold on to their perps around here? What the hell are you doing?

-I'll have to call you back.

-Hey, I'm talking to you!

-No, you're shouting.

-Yeah, I do that when people rifle through my desk.

Now, stand up. Who's your arresting officer?

How about you? You're pretty arresting.

-Oh, a comic too, huh? Remove the hat and stand up.

-Say 'pretty please'.

If there's one item missing from my desk, you are dead meat.

You can search me and find out. How about a strip search?

Isbecki!

-Want to put a leash on this one?

-Who is he?

I thought he was your perp.

Maybe I should introduce myself.

Jonah Newman. I'm a detective, third grade.

Detective third grade? You look like you're in the third grade.

And who are you?

Sergeant Cagney. And what were you doing going through my desk?

What, do you always make yourself at home in other people's squadrons?

This is home, Sergeant. I was just assigned to the 14th.

-I am the new kid on the block.

-Lucky us.

The detective who can't even find his desk.

Check it out with Coleman.

-Is she always like that?

-Nah. Some days, she can really give you a hard time.

Hey, kid.

-All right, Christine, what do you think?

-What?

I have to meet Harvey at the Federal Building at 10:55 and I'm not sure about this outfit.

What's wrong with it? You look very nice.

Well, maybe I should have worn something older

so they shouldn't think I'm some kind of a clotheshorse.

-Gloves?

-Oh, well, Harvey heard from this fella...

-Don't ask.

-Harvey's really got you spooked about this audit.

-Hey, what are you doing?

-Got the lab report on the lottery tickets.

"Findings negative.

"Both exhibits fall within normal parameters for fibre and ink content.

"No detectable forgery indicated."

So much for this being a quick case.

-Well, what about the case files on Phelps and Carstairs?

-I'm just starting on them.

Well, there's nothing on Mr Carstairs. A couple of parking tickets.

What are you doing?

Remind me never to bet again.

Oh, what do you know?

Your guy turns out to be a convicted confidence man.

How come you forgot to mention the three to five you did at Dannemora?

-Yeah, OK. I served a little time. So did John Mitchell.

-A little time?

"Summary probation in 1969. Two counts of fraud in 1970.

"Six bunko arrests for various confidence games in 1971.

"Eight months in men's hall."

Then, of course, there was the long stretch for trying to play the big con.

I never was cut out for the big con. My best trick was the magic wallet.

-I've been clean for 15 years now.

-Hey, Big Al. Scotch here.

At this hour? Have you had breakfast?

Do you know what that does to your stomach?

-You're right. Scotch milk.

-Someone else is going to have to make his drink.

I'm afraid we'll have to take you in. Sorry.

Come on! I'm telling you the truth!

-This guy Tommy gave me the ticket as a tip.

-Oh, yeah.

The famous Tommy, who does not happen to be around to back up your story.

Listen, please don't do this to me.

I've got 20 percent of this place.

It took me a lot of years of living straight to do it, but I did.

Now, finally, I get my lucky break on the square.

You've got to believe me.

-Go ahead and make your drink.

-Thanks.

-What are you doing?

-I think he's telling the truth.

-I know when somebody's lying.

-And I don't?

Mary Beth, besides, we don't even have enough to take him in on in the first place.

-You're a soft touch, Christine.

-Yeah, well, don't let it get around.

Besides, I've got five bucks on it.

-Just the two dependents?

-Until next year.

-We're having another dependent.

-Baby.

Aw, that's very nice. I envy you.

It doesn't look like I'm ever going to get married, have kids.

Nobody wants to date an Internal Revenue inspector.

No, I mean it. This is a horrible job.

-People hate coming here.

-Not us. We got nothing to hide.

Oh, now, be honest. Weren't you just dreading coming in here?

No, no. I mean, it's our civic duty, right?

My mother wanted me to be a dentist, but I couldn't.

Couldn't stand the thought of hurting people.

So, I got a degree in accounting and I applied to the government for a nice, secure desk job.

They put me here.

The people who were in here just before you sitting right there,

-you know what they told me?

-What's that, sir?

They said, "This is like pulling teeth."

Isn't that something? Irony.

-Well, it's been pretty painless for us.

-So far.

Now, let's see.

Oh, Mrs Lacey's a police detective. That's a very interesting job.

-People like policemen.

-Criminals don't like us.

No, I guess not!

They dread meeting you as much as people dread meeting me, huh?

-I'm in the construction business.

-Oh, that's a very interesting job.

Lots of places to take deductions with that job.

You can hide all kinds of expenses and there's almost no way to verify the cost.

-No, no, no. No, Mr Bittenburger.

-Bender.

-Bender.

-Thank you.

-I thought I had all those receipts.

I mean, I really want to pay every penny I owe to the government.

-But you don't want to pay any more than you owe, do you?

-I don't mind.

-No, no, I mean...

-BUZZER

Bittenbender.

-He seemed very nice, Harvey.

-That was an act, Mary Beth.

This is just the first interview. Wait till the next time. That's when we see the teeth.

He didn't say anything about another interview.

Does the matador tell the bull about the sword?

-What's the matter?

-Come here.

-What?

-Come on. We've got to go to the post office.

I was thinking of getting Betty a dog. She likes the shaggy bathmat kind.

-Oh, those are OK.

-"Annual Canine Classic."

-Hey, Victor, maybe I'll go with you.

-Oh, you'll probably be bored.

-No, I love dogs. Really.

Let me explain it to you another way, Coleman.

If you want to go, go, but I am going alone.

That way, I can leave whenever and with whoever I want.

-Got it?

-Oh, I get it. You're afraid maybe I'm going to cramp your style.

-Is that it?

-Not cramp, Coleman. Kill.

Why is your partner so interested in dog shows all of a sudden?

He says dog shows are THE place to meet a better breed of chicks.

That was a direct quote.

Mary Beth.

He was an engraver.

-The tax guy was an engraver?

-What? No, my guy!

Wait a minute. What guy?

We were at the Federal Building

-and I saw this sign for the Personnel Department.

-Yeah?

Old Mr Carstairs, he's retired from the Postal Service all right,

but what he actually did was he's a master engraver.

-You're kidding.

-No.

He's even kind of famous there. He was really good.

He did this one stamp that's a bird and it's so real

that it seems to turn its head and looks at you wherever you go.

They've got it there in a case. It's really kind of creepy.

-Does that mean I won?

-Yeah, well, we've been looking for someone

who could forge a lottery ticket so well, the lottery guys themselves couldn't spot the forgery, right?

-PHONE RINGS

-Nice.

Real nice.

Sergeant Cagney, 14.

W...wait a minute. Will you slow down a minute?

Who? The ticket's locked up.

Who's got a gun?

Wait, hold...

Hello? Hello?

-He hung up.

-Who?

-My guy. Let's go.

OK, got a hostage coming out.

He's clear. Get him. Go! Go! Come on.

-That's the last customer, sir.

-Roger. Last customer's out.

He let the customers go, but he says the bartender owes him.

He's got a gun and he's going to kill Phelps if he doesn't pay up.

His name's Tommy.

He gave Phelps a 2 million lottery ticket as a tip.

I'll tell them you're coming in.

I'm going to start two female detectives in there. Watch the windows.

OK, Tommy. That's your name, isn't it? Tommy?

The ladies are here.

They're coming in now.

Just stay calm in there and this will come out OK.

No trouble.

Just stay calm in there.

All right, we just want to work this out. No trouble.

So, stay calm in there, Tommy, all right?

Just be cool.

Do you have the ticket?

Ticket's not much good to you this way, is it, Tommy?

-He said they'd have the ticket.

-They do!

Now, let's just keep calm, pal.

-I'm Mary Beth Lacey, Mr...?

-Van Dusen. Everybody calls me Tommy.

It's MY ticket.

I bought it and I gave it to him in lieu of a tip.

It's only fair I should get half. He owes me.

Tommy...what happens now?

-Well...I get the ticket, see.

-Yes.

Then, I'll tear it in half and then we'll have to cooperate.

Cooperate with that!

That was pretty convincing corroboration for my guy's story.

-I already gave you the five bucks, Christine.

-Thank you.

And how do we know it wasn't a put-up job?

-Tommy just had his head split open.

-2 million buys a lot of stitches.

Don't be a sore loser, Mary Beth. We both know it was your guy.

That's not fair. Who's going to look after him?

Maybe you should have thought of that before, Mr Carstairs.

I don't understand what all the fuss is about.

Well, you did tried to defraud the lottery out of 2 million.

I just made the ticket. I didn't get any money.

I'm afraid you're missing the point, sir.

-Where's the harm?

-DOG WHIMPERS

No, no, no. No, no, Maxey. Be still. It's all right. It's all right.

The money was just sitting there and I didn't even get any.

Well, I think we're going to have to go downtown, Mr Carstairs.

But who's going to take care of Maxey?

-Good afternoon, Mrs Burnside.

-Well, that was certainly quick.

Quick, ma'am?

I just this minute put down the phone from calling your office. Didn't they reach you?

No, they didn't. Is there a problem?

You see that man?

Just when I think there's nothing else that can go wrong,

he walks in with this - another winning ticket.

His name is Hank Stevens and, Harv, you won't believe it.

Even the hospital staff call him Hard Luck Hank.

Wait a minute, what is so tough about winning the lottery?

No, honey, here's a guy that leaves his lawyer's office after filing for divorce

and buys himself a lottery ticket to cheer himself up

and as he's walking away from the newsstand,

gets hit by a cross-town bus and winds up for three months in a coma.

HE LAUGHS That's not funny, Harvey.

-OK. Did you check all this out?

-Yeah.

Happened just the way he said.

The vendor remembered him because of the ambulances!

No, honey, he's a witness

-and the inventory of his property at the hospital shows the lottery ticket.

-Yeah?

OK, so, at least he is in the clear, am I right?

Well, yeah, but somebody else still forged the ticket.

-You eliminated the bartender?

-Well, no-one is eliminated, Harvey.

-It's a matter of finding a forger.

-Yes, you already found your forger.

One. One forger.

So, the thing with Tommy could have been a put-up job, but I don't know.

OK, so, what now?

So, tomorrow, we go and check out the first two winners.

-Maybe one of them is fishy.

-But they've already been paid.

-Isn't it a little late?

-Yes.

I think it's the guy in the hospital.

His alibi is too perfect.

Honey, that's what a perfect alibi means -

that you didn't do it.

-Yes, but nevertheless...

-Five dollars.

-You're on.

Let me ask you a question.

What would you do if you won 2 million?

First, I'd take care of taxes.

Then 250,000 each into trust funds for the boys

and a separate fund for the baby at 300,000 because of inflation.

And 100,000 into blue chip securities,

100,000 into bonds - state, not city -

and another 100,000 into a real, solid mutual.

Then we'd buy a house outright. No mortgage.

And then the rest into a pension fund for the two of us

except maybe 2,000-3,000 mad money.

You're sure?

-OK, I thought about it. So?

-Come here.

-What?

-Please, sit down. Please.

Let me put it a different way.

What would you do with 600?

600? Oh, I don't know, Harvey. That's an entirely different thing.

What? What are you smiling at?

I've been waiting all day to tell you. Results of the audit.

I found out this afternoon we are getting back a 600 tax refund.

-Refund?

-Yes.

-That's amazing.

-Yes.

-You're sure it isn't some kind of a trick?

-No. No trick.

This is the first time this year they are giving money back.

-The guy, Bittenburger...

-Bender.

-Bender.

-He said it will cost him his job.

-Oh, the poor man!

-No, he's happy for us.

He wants to get into a different line of work anyway.

One for each dollar.

Three, four...

And, of course, Harvey wants to spend all the money right away.

Well, why not? It's found money.

It's easy for you to think like that, Christine.

You've got that trust fund and all. I can't be like that.

Be like what, Mary Beth? It's only 600.

You can spend more than that on a TV set.

No, I can't.

We need every penny, Christine. I've got another kid on the way.

That's a major expense that keeps on being expensive.

What does Harvey want to buy?

He wants to hire a babysitter and go to the Poconos for the weekend.

You know, rent a cabin, see the shows,

like we did nine months before Harv Jr was born.

-Well, that's nice.

-Actually, he's got a point.

I mean, when the new baby comes, you can't go out for a while. Like, a couple of years.

-So, go.

-No, I can't. I...I can't.

See, when I was growing up, we didn't have any money and...

I don't know, the thing about money is maybe too deep in me.

I don't know.

Harvey was so excited about maybe going somewhere

and I love to see him like that cos he's so cute.

And then I got to thinking that I haven't seen him like that for a long time.

Oh, there it is.

Nice house.

-She was the first one to claim the prize, right?

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-Yes?

-Mrs Alverta Edwards?

-You're the detectives who phoned?

Yes, I'm Sergeant Cagney. This is Detective Lacey.

May we come in, please?

We've been waiting 45 minutes. This is Mr Irwin Elias, my attorney.

I asked him to be here.

Since the Lottery Commission attached Mrs Edwards' property,

we feel it may turn into a matter that will require some litigation.

Oh, believe me, ma'am, this is the first we heard about attaching property.

Well, it hardly matters, does it?

The fact remains that everything my client owns

has been frozen by the courts until such time as the matter is resolved.

In plain English,

every hour, every day that this mess remains unsolved,

you're hurting my family.

Well, Mrs Edwards, we're trying to clear that up now.

Don't you understand? We have no money.

And even if I could get my old job back,

it will take my yearly salary to meet my new monthly expenses.

So, I am suing your department, ladies.

And the lottery.

Nice talking with you.

This business of attaching everything belonging to the suspects

isn't exactly making our investigation any easier.

Not my fault. The board decided on that.

Nobody even asked me! I'm a woman so I don't get asked my opinion.

Well, we have two tickets already paid

and then we have poor Mr Stevens, the bus victim,

and the ex-con bartender.

-One of them is dirty.

-Unless there has been an error.

Could you have printed up four winning tickets instead of three by mistake?

No, the printing on the tickets is done by the computer

and it's very closely guarded,

almost as tightly as the drawing itself.

Well, then, what about the drawing? Could someone have rigged the numbers in advance?

Don't even think that!

There are four sets of balls.

They are weighed and sealed under our eyes in an independent auditing firm

before and after and then the drawing is held on live television.

Actually, there was one case of a man trying to pawn the balls.

He was an amateur magician. But that was before I came here. That had nothing to do with me.

Well, no-one is blaming you, Mrs Burnside.

Ha! That's what you think. The Racing and Wagering Commission is going to have my head for this.

I hate this. I should have taken that job with luxury cruises.

I'd have gotten free travel.

Well, ma'am, I'm afraid we're back to one of the four.

Mrs Edwards, Mr Stevens, Mr Phelps and Mr, um...

What is the other guy's name?

-Mr Sycamore?

-Hey, call me Claude.

-All right, Claude.

Listen, can I get you ladies something, maybe?

No, not for me, thanks.

You know, there's been a little mix-up with the lottery.

Doesn't affect me much, though, does it?

-You haven't got the court order yet?

-No. What for?

Well, sir, it's very likely that you will be getting such an order.

I'm afraid that the lottery is attaching all of the money

and the property of the winning ticket holders.

It's true!

Who cares?

No, this is very serious, Mr Sycamore.

-I haven't got it anymore!

-DOG BARKS

I haven't got it!

Hey. Hey, Sally.

Aw. Here you go. You haven't met my Sally.

Look at those big, brown eyes. Is this a face? Is this a face?

Very cute. If we could get back to the money, Mr Sycamore.

You know, this dog is a champion, but don't tell her.

-I mean, you know how stars get.

-Mm-hm.

About the money, you're kidding, aren't you?

No. I spent it.

-You spent 2 million in 11 months?

-It didn't take that long.

You see, after taxes, which I had because I took this all in one lump,

well, there were bills and business loans and debts.

Most of it went on wine, women and song, I guess you'd say.

And the rest was...

The rest was wasted!

Oh, but we had some fun. We had some fun, didn't we, girl?

Sweet.

I'm agonising over 600.

He sits there smiling over how he blew 2 million.

Well, it's not as bad as you see it at first.

I mean, he built up that little food company.

What was that cutesy name? Wannabite Industries.

Could have been a strong thing. He just had bad luck.

Yeah, but he doesn't even care. That's what kills me.

-He's a flake.

-I don't know. Maybe it's not such a bad attitude to have.

What are you going to do, cry about it?

What's the matter with you, Christine? It's 2 million!

Mary Beth, remember that TV series The Millionaire?

It is an example of how that kind of money can sometimes ruin people's lives.

Listen, at least this guy enjoyed it.

-You like this man?

-Oh!

-You always like the flakes.

-Have you noticed that?

-That is not true, Mary Beth.

-Mm-hm.

Just seems that way.

-Oh, Mr Stevens, how are you, sir?

-How's the investigation coming?

It's progressing, sir. Are you all right?

It's like a nightmare that won't end.

I don't know how much more I can stand.

-Well, why don't you sit down, Mr Stevens?

-Oh, thank you.

I wish I could be arrested right now and locked away forever.

Mr Stevens, are you trying to confess, sir?

Would you like us to call your attorney?

A lawyer. That's all I need is another lawyer.

Um...court order. You knew about the court order?

Yes, sir. We do.

Well...

..on top of that,

my ex-wife is trying to get her hands on the prize money.

Her lawyers said that I owned the ticket

before the divorce became final.

-Oh.

-And I, um...

I can't cash a cheque. I've got zero credit.

I can't buy my medicine now.

I'm hungry. I've been locked out of my apartment.

So, if I was arrested, at least I could eat

and have a place to sleep until the investigation is over.

So, I was...

I was wondering...

..is there some kind of minor crime I could commit?

Just a small one?

-OK, I just got off the phone with the woman from the lottery.

-Mrs Burnside.

Yeah, she got word back from that computer company upstairs.

-And...?

-And she said that this time, it is as conclusive as you can get.

The first ticket -

the woman called Mrs Alverta Edwards -

presented her ticket before there was that computer screw-up.

-Dump.

-What?

Dump.

It's computerese, Lieutenant,

meaning a massive discharge of memory.

Mrs Burnside explained that to us. Dump.

-Sorry.

-Anyway, the point is that her ticket was the only one of the five tickets

that was able to be computer verified.

-And it was. So, she is in the clear.

-Oh, that's good. I'm glad, sir.

I'm glad that you're glad, Lacey. We've got no case here!

What I meant was, sir, that I'm glad Mrs Edwards has been eliminated

because that narrows the list of our possible suspects, sir.

Right. So, run it down.

Well, with Mrs Edwards eliminated, we're looking at the bartender,

the flake in Jersey who already spent the money and Hard-Luck Hank.

-Who?

-Mr Stevens.

-I hope it's not him. I loaned him 50 bucks.

-You leant the suspect 50?

-That was my fault, sir.

Well, no, it was a judgement call, Lieutenant.

-We both agree that he's innocent.

-Let's hope so.

-I've got a gut feeling it's the flake, sir.

-No.

-Now I think it was the bartender.

-The bartender? He was your guy.

Unless it was Claude.

-Wait, is Claude the flake?

-Yes, sir.

-No, he's not a flake, lieutenant. He's...different.

-Yeah, different flake.

Anyway, the bartender has Tommy to back him up.

-See, I think that was a set-up job.

-That's what I said!

-Anyway, Tommy's in jail.

-Yeah, but it's his first offence.

All the judge is going to do is slap his wrist, charge him a few bucks.

He gets out, he splits the 2 million with Big Al the conman.

-Wait, wait. Now, who is big Al?

-Mr Phelps.

-Now you say it could be Big Al?

-Not if it's the flake, it couldn't.

Hey, I've got such a headache!

Look, I don't care if it is the flake or if it's the bartender

or if it's your guy or if it's her guy.

It's late.

Go home and come back with a fresh attitude tomorrow morning.

Yes, sir.

At which time, I would like to hear some straight answers.

-Yes, sir.

-Fine, lieutenant.

-Hey, he's a kicker.

-Yeah. Yeah, more than the other two.

This one likes to work out.

-Harvey?

-Mm-hm.

-Do you really want another boy?

-I don't know.

-I haven't thought much about it.

-Well, you keep saying 'him'.

Well, it's habit. I love whatever we have.

Yeah, I know.

I just wonder sometimes what it would be like to have a little girl.

Different.

I saw a little girl in the park the other day.

Little doll. And she had a dress about that big.

Her father was putting her on the carousel.

-Made me think about you.

-It did?

-Yeah. The way he looked at her.

Like she was the most precious thing in all the world.

I thought about you looking at our daughter like that.

-Daughter, huh? Might be nice. Whole new ball game.

-Yeah.

-Night, baby.

-Goodnight, sweetheart. Goodnight, baby.

-You're sexy when you're pregnant.

-Yeah, sure.

I mean it. More cleavage, more stuff.

-Yeah, more everything.

-The more the merrier.

Harvey, stop that!

In a while.

You know what's wrong here? We've been looking for two master forgers.

-What do you mean?

-Well, look at it.

Carstairs was the first time that a lottery ticket had been forged so well,

-it couldn't be detect it, right?

-Right.

OK, so, what are the odds that on the same lottery,

a second ticket would be forged with the same perfection?

Two master forger's at the same time? That bothers me.

Yeah, but what are our choices?

I don't know, but it doesn't seem logical.

Guess who finessed the afternoon off.

Oh, please don't bore us with your hot dates, OK, Isbecki?

No, I am going to the dog show.

-Are you going to be in it?

-Yeah, a Doberman Fanny Pinscher!

Go ahead. You two laugh. But who's got the afternoon off?

Cocker spaniels!

-Christine!

-That's it!

Mary Beth, that's the connection we've been looking for.

The old guy and Claude, they both have cocker spaniels.

Oh, that's good, Christine. We can go right to grand jury with that.

I am telling you, Mary Beth. They both have show dogs.

-You spelled it wrong.

-Can't you find your desk yet?

No, no, it is not Wannabite - B-I-T-E - Industries.

It's Wannabyte - B-Y-T-E - Industries.

You know, like computers.

A friend of mine bought stock. Told them it was stupid, but wouldn't listen to me.

Computers! That's it!

-Claude, he's in...

-The flake?

-Claude is into computers.

What if he tapped into the lottery's computer and dumped the memory?

-Huh?

-Exactly. Didn't you see War Games?

-Who are you?

-Come on. Let's go.

-Mary Beth, come on. Let's go. Hurry up.

-Fine. OK. I'm coming.

Where?

This is the first call for Old English Sheepdogs.

Old English Sheepdogs, your breed is to be judged in ring three.

-I had no idea dog shows were this big a deal.

-Oh, yeah.

This is the big deal annual showing, which means it was held at the exact same time last year.

-Same time as the lottery drawing.

-Christine.

Oh.

Mr Sycamore! Hello there, Mr Sycamore.

-Do you remember us?

-Oh, hi.

-Hi.

-Hi. What are you two doing here?

-Oh, Sally. Hiya, girl!

Hey. How you doing? Aw.

-Look, Mary Beth, Sally has a new friend.

-DOG BARKS

-Hiya, Maxey.

-Oh, you know Maxey?

-Oh, yes. We've met.

Going down?

You know what was throwing us?

We kept looking for two master forgers,

each with one perfect forgery.

Silly. There never were two master forgers.

There was one master forger and he made two tickets. Am I right, sir?

You and Carstairs met here last year.

We checked - we know you were both here -

and the two of you came up with the idea.

He makes the perfect ticket with the winning number,

you use your computer to dump the lottery computer's memory,

then you present the winning ticket and the computer can't verify it.

-Fascinating theory.

-Isn't it?

We just talked with Mr Carstairs at Rikers.

-Oh, you did?

-Yes, sir. We did.

-Um, Sycamore.

And he was very informative.

He told us that he didn't get much out of the split.

Seems that you used most of the funds by yourself -

alimony, gambling debts, that computer company of yours.

Wasn't much left for him

and he couldn't exactly come to the police about it, could he?

-How am I doing?

-Pretty good.

-Yeah, he was a little cranky about it.

-I'll bet.

But I never thought he'd forge another ticket.

DOG BARKS

Maxey, Maxey.

Fingered by a paw. You know what?

-Here.

-Oh, oh, oh! Don't run here!

All right, Claude! Have security seal the exits!

I'm the cops. How can I get in touch with security?

Watch it. Coming through. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me.

Police! Coming through. Very sorry. Sorry, sir.

I've got a badge here somewhere.

Hey! Ho!

Excuse me. Thank you. Sorry, dog.

-He does have great lines.

-It's a she.

Oh. I'll believe you know the difference.

Hang on. Hang on.

-Nice doggie. Excuse me. Police!

-I'll be right back.

Police coming through!

OK! Excuse me.

-He hasn't made it to an exit. None of my men have spotted him.

-Well, keep looking, sir.

-Hello, Victor.

-We lost him.

Lady, you better do something about these dogs.

-Well, what do you want me...? Oh, terrific.

-Oh, come on.

DOGS BARK

Go! Go!

Terrific.

Michael wanted me to read him a bedtime story.

He hasn't done that in forever.

What are you looking for?

Those brochures on the Darcey cabin resorts.

-I took them.

-You did? What for?

Three days bought and paid for.

You're kidding. Oh, wow! Oh, boy!

Ha!

I opened an account at the bank this morning.

It was going to be a surprise.

"Baby Lacey."

Harvey, you're the best.

It's one of those special deals -

you can't get your money back without substantial forfeiture and all that stuff.

-But, Harvey, the trip is not refundable either.

-Yeah, the cheque's going to bounce.

You know what this is like? This is just like that story where...

Where she sells her hair and he sells his watch.

Oh, no, baby. Hey, we'll borrow till payday. It'll be OK.

No, it's just that you bought me what I wanted

and I bought you what you wanted and it's so romantic, Harvey.

-I always want what you want.

-Yeah?

-Mm-hm.

You really wanted to take me to the mountains for a romantic weekend,

even when I'm pregnant and I feel like a whale?

-Yes.

-Oh, Harvey!

-Oh, God, I love you, Mary Beth.

Yeah?

Yeah.