Health and Tembe Doctors


Health and Tembe

In a moment of distraction Heston puts Mrs Tembe in charge of health and safety, with mutinous consequences. Meanwhile, Julia makes an alarming discovery.


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Transcript


LineFromTo

'Dear brother,

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'I hope this finds your family well and your business prosperous.

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'I have settled back here again

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'in the British West Midlands

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'and my position as recept...' Oh.

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'..senior receptionist at the Mill Health Centre.

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'Now that the staff members have implemented my improvements,

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'the two surgeries are running like clockwork.

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'Almost too well.' Hm.

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'Perhaps I am in need of a new challenge.

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'Which is something I have in common

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'with my good friend and colleague

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'Doctor Heston Carter.'

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What are you doing today?

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Today, I am mainly thanking God for half-term holidays.

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We need to buy Mum a present. Are you free for lunch?

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Mm. Sounds like a plan.

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-Sushi? Italian?

-Either.

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Hi.

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Oh! What have you got there?

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Nardee made me pancakes.

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Did she? I think Nardee spoils you.

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No.

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Sally get off OK this morning?

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Yeah. 6:30. She's probably halfway up the motorway by now.

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I think Nardee spoils both of us. I'd better not get used to it.

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Sally hardly has any time to cook a breakfast these days.

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She's a working mum, isn't she?

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And since when did I bring you up to be a Neanderthal?

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Sorry. Bit of a bear with a sore head.

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Too much work and not enough play for me.

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We'll play with you, Daddy.

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Yeah. We'll play with you.

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Actually, I was hoping I might make the gym.

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You two can have some time together.

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Hm. What do you reckon?

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Can we make fairy cakes?

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I think we can make fairy cakes.

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-PHONE RINGS

-Ooh! Sorry.

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Hello?

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Oh, hi, Margaret.

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Yeah, I know. I heard.

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Are they now?

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A tip-off?

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"There's been an outbreak of C Diff at St Phil's."

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The powers that be have ordered a hygiene spot check

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on local surgeries to look for cross-contamination.

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"What do you want me to do?"

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Could you raise it at the staff meeting,

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check that we're all up to speed?

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Are you envisaging any problems?

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Absolutely not. Our hygiene and infection control is spot-on.

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Of course.

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Rain check till tomorrow.

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He calls and you come running. Will you ever learn?

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Do you mind? I'm getting dressed.

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Just don't say I didn't warn you.

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Any volunteers?

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Right. Well, you and you, for starters.

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Why us?

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Duh! Because you're OCD.

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-Zara!

-And you're the only nurse in the village.

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Perhaps a show of hands. All those in favour of Jimmi and Cherry?

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Excellent. Carried.

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That just leaves infection control and health and safety.

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-I think we can double up on those.

-Ahem!

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Don't look at me.

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It may be of interest

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that I possess a diploma in health and safety.

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-Do you indeed?

-And a certificate in first aid.

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I think that makes you a very suitable candidate.

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Are you stark-raving mad?

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Are you volunteering?

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Right. In that case, all those in favour of Mrs Tembe

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as infection control and health and safety lead?

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Unanimous!

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I hope you don't regret this.

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Congratulations, Mrs Tembe.

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I-I-I will, I will have to make a badge.

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MUSIC PLAYS

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-"Hello?"

-How's everything?

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"Oh, it's fantastic!"

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We're baking up a storm here.

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"That's great. Um, Mum, listen, I've been offered a round of golf."

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Can you manage for a few more hours?

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"Of course we can. You go and enjoy yourself."

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Anyway, if you came home now, you'd probably get covered in chocolate icing.

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Thanks, Mum. I really appreciate it.

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-That's what mums are for.

-HORN BLARES

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DIALLING TONE

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Sorry, darling, we got cut off.

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-Where's he going?

-Going to play golf.

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But he left his golf clubs.

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-Oh, well, I expect he'll be able to borrow some.

-RAPID BEEPING

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Ha! Come on, next batch. Chop chop!

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FAINT MUSIC PLAYS

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SIRENS WAIL

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-KNOCK AT DOOR

-Yes.

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-Mrs Tembe.

-Dr Carter.

-No tea?

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I fear there are more urgent matters requiring my attention.

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-Oh, yes?

-Dr Carter...

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I regret to inform you that I have already found

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several infringements of the regulations.

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I knew you would whip us all into shape.

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Would you like me to run through them with you?

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I would much rather leave everything in your more-than-capable hands.

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So...I have your permission

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to proceed as I see fit?

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You have my full authority, Mrs Tembe.

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'It has come to my attention

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'that the Surgery is in breach of hand-hygiene regulations.

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'Accordingly, there will be a compulsory assessment

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'and training session at 2:00pm.

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'All staff are required to attend.'

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This is all your fault.

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Mrs Tembe, is this really necessary?

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It is more than that.

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It is a requirement.

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"A yearly hand-hygiene training of all staff

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"and record of training

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"must be available at all times."

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We are already nine months out of date.

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We all know how to wash our hands.

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That remains to be seen, Nurse Malone,

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as I will be assessing you all.

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I'm quaking in my boots.

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Dr Carter, as senior partner, perhaps you would like to go first.

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Senior partner?

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Since when did we have a senior partner?

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I can't believe we're spending lunch having hand-washing lessons.

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Especially for you. You might as well teach the Pope to pray.

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One more word from you, Zara.

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Could you just, um...?

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Well?

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I regret to inform you that you have failed.

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-Failed?

-It seems that this assessment

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has come not a moment too soon.

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# The deep blue sea, sea, sea. #

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Mwah! OK. Ready?

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-PHONE RINGS

-Oh. Hang on.

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Hello?

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Yeah, this is she.

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What? We've got to go, baby.

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Ensure that the water is neither too hot nor too cold.

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Wet hands before applying soap.

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One squirt of soap.

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Perform the six-stage hand-washing technique

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for about 10-20 seconds of rubbing.

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One. Palm to palm.

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Two. Palm to dorsum.

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Fingers interlaced both sides.

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Three. Palm to palm, fingers interlaced.

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Four. Grasp fingers.

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Five. Rotational rubbing of the thumb.

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CHERRY CHUCKLES Both sides.

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Six.

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Rinse.

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-She's on her way to Radiology to have it X-rayed.

-Thanks.

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Excuse me. My son's been in a car crash. Patrick McGuire.

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He's in Resus being assessed for spinal injuries.

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-What kind of spinal injuries?

-He was brought in with neck pain.

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Try not to worry, it could be nothing.

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Take a seat. I'll come and find you as soon as there's any news.

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I hope you aren't expecting any sympathy.

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-This isn't my fault.

-When are you going to realise

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that by bringing bad things on other people,

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you bring bad things on yourself?

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I haven't hurt anyone.

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You really are that self-absorbed.

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His wife! His children!

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There's bound to be children. There always is.

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Maybe this is for the best. Force things out into the open.

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He's not going to leave his wife.

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-You don't even know him.

-I know you.

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Different man, same story.

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They promise you a future and you end up crying into a tub of ice cream!

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I've just been unlucky.

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You make your own bad luck.

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You're jealous. You haven't had a boyfriend for years.

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At least my boyfriends weren't all married.

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Can I go now?

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Families.

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Oh! Forgive me, Dr Clay.

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I am just conducting a regulatory self-audit. Nearly finished.

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Fine, Mrs Tembe.

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Ah-ah-ah-ah!

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The consumption of food

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is not allowed in the clinical area.

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All meals and snacks are to be eaten in the staffroom.

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Other than that, you have scored very highly.

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Although...

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this will have to go.

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Hey, that's my nailbrush!

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I do not make the rules, Dr Clay.

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I merely enforce them.

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I'd like to see Julia Parsons.

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No appointment, but tell her it's Marina Bonnaire.

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Oh. Mrs Parsons is on holiday.

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But you are speaking to Winifred Tembe,

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infections control and health...

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If you could excuse me, please.

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-Sure.

-WILD-WEST MUSIC

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Mrs Winifred Tembe.

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Infections control and health and safety lead.

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-Would you like to follow me, please?

-Thanks.

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Perhaps you would like to see our fridge.

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Is it a special fridge?

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The temperature is kept between nought and five degrees centigrade.

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Essential for preventing the growth of harmful bacteria.

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Now, please note,

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each food is stored on the correct shelf.

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Dairy products, meats, salads.

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All covered and dated.

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Splendid!

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Each room is damp-dusted daily.

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Perhaps you would like to see for yourself.

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I'd rather have a cup of tea.

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Of course. Where are my manners?

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Ah! Nurse Malone. I would like to introduce you -

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Well, well. If it isn't Cherry Malone!

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-Oh!

-Oh, Marina! What are you doing here?

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-I'm your new health visitor.

-You're not tutoring any more?

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Excuse me.

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You are not the hygiene inspector?

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-Oh, I see. You thought...

-SHE LAUGHS

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Thank goodness for that. I thought she was bonkers!

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THEY LAUGH

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Your son's fine.

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No sign of spinal injury.

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-They're taking him for a CT scan, but that's just a precaution.

-Thank God. Thank you.

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It could have been a lot worse. The paramedics said they were both very lucky.

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-Can I have some help in here, please?

-They?

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"'Is it weakness of intellect, Birdie,' I cried,

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"'or a rather tough worm in your little inside?'

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"With a shake of his poor little head, he replied..."

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# Singing willow, titwillow, titwillow. #

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Dr Heston Carter, I presume.

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I saw your Ko-Ko and was very impressed.

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As the actress said to the bishop.

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You have me at a disadvantage.

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Marina Bonnaire.

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-I'm your new health visitor.

-Ah!

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Your performance on Saturday was a triumph!

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Oh, well...!

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I'm just about to go in search of a cup of tea. Will you join me?

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Only if you let me make the tea.

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THEY CHUCKLE

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-Come in(!)

-Dr Carmichael. You will need these.

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-Why?

-Fingernails should be short,

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debris free and should not extend beyond the fingertips.

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-And?

-And, Dr Carmichael,

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you are in breach of the manual.

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Have you any idea how much this manicure cost?

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I'm afraid I have to insist.

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Insist? Who the hell do you think you are?

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I am infections control and health and safety lead.

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Which means on this occasion,

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I outrank you.

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-What if I don't do it?

-Then I have no option

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than to make a report of it in my audit.

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-Fine. Audit away.

-I take it you are prepared to be named and shamed?

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You can put me on Crimewatch, for all I care. Now if you don't mind...

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Dr Carmichael, I cannot allow -

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Just get out of my office, you wretched woman!

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There is no need to be rude!

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OK, then.

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Please take your nail scissors and your manual

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and your self-help audit and get the hell out of my office!

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You have not heard the last of this!

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Thank you!

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I was particularly impressed with your Sprechgesang.

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I think some of my critics thought it was more Sprechstimme than Sprechgesang.

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Oh, fiddlesticks!

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There's a fine line between the two and you drew it perfectly.

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Thank you. Thank you.

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-How's your Lapsang?

-I'm not sure whether to drink it or swab wounds with it,

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but it's warm and wet, as me granny used to say.

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Yes, yes. You're an Earl Grey woman.

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I must say, I'm very surprised to see fine china in a GP's surgery.

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A theatre and a porcelain lover. My good fortune.

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Actually, fortune had nothing to do with it.

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I've got a proposition for you.

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Mrs Tembe, my meditation cushions have gone.

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I have sent them off for steam cleaning.

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-They weren't dirty.

-They are incubators for bacteria.

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And contrary to regulations regarding soft furnishings in clinical areas.

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Mrs Tembe, I can't meditate...

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When will they be back?

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By the end of the week.

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When I will be asking for their permanent removal.

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You can't do that!

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I think you will find that I can.

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They said you were OK!

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I am. I'm fine.

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They just won't release me until my CT scan comes back.

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After the crash...

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..for a split second...

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..I thought you were dead.

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(We could both have died.)

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Do you think we have a guardian angel?

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-I think we had good air bags.

-I'm serious.

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Telling us what?

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Your mother's here. Shall I send her in?

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Oh, God! Um... Can you just give us a couple of minutes, please?

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Okey-dokey.

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You'd better go.

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I have to meet your family at some point.

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-What?

-Sally's your past.

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I'm your future.

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You and me and the baby she won't give you.

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Um...go home and I'll call you.

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You are going to tell her? Patrick?

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You are going to tell Sally?

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Go. I'll call.

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I love you.

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So, this is Nurse Teddy.

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Do you want to hold her while I give you a small little jab in your leg?

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-KNOCK AT DOOR

-Come in.

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(Who is it?)

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Oh! Mrs Tembe. Thank you.

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Nurse Malone, can I have a word with you outside, please?

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If a patient comes into the surgery with a cold,

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all staff who comes into contact with them

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must wear a face mask.

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Are you joking?

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That child is full of cold.

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I observed her in the waiting room.

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Coughing and sneezing.

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Her nose was running faster than Victoria Falls.

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Mrs Tembe, I'm a nurse. I've got a cast-iron immune system.

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And this is what you will say to the inspectors,

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should they drop in on you?

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Treating an infectious patient

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without proper protective clothing?

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That's my teddy!

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All toys should have a hard, wipe-clean surface,

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suitable for disinfection.

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An historical showcase trial?

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It's part of the university's centenary celebrations.

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Using the original transcripts,

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we're going to re-enact the trial of 19-year-old Amelia Watson,

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hanged for murdering her baby.

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Sounds like a very interesting project, but what's it got to do with me?

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The defence counsel was Edward Templeton KC.

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One of the most gifted orators of his time.

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His dramatic hyperbole could overwhelm a dubious jury

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and undermine the hardest evidence.

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-And?

-The minute I saw your Ko-Ko,

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I knew I'd found my KC.

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Where is that damn Tembe woman?

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She's overseeing a vaccine delivery,

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making sure the cold chain hasn't been broken.

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Right, that is it! I have had enough of this!

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I need someone with flair.

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-Well, I'm flattered, but...

-It'll up your profile at the university.

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In that case, how can I say no?

0:21:390:21:42

There you are. Sorry, excuse me. Have you seen what Mrs Tembe's done to -

0:21:420:21:46

Either you do something about her, or I will wring her scrawny neck!

0:21:460:21:49

-She took my beanbag!

-THEY TALK AT ONCE

0:21:490:21:51

-Hands full, I see. I'll call you tomorrow.

-I'll look forward to it.

0:21:510:21:55

I've had complaints from patients objecting to sitting in the Infectious Area.

0:21:550:21:59

Quiet, please. I know that Mrs Tembe has been a tad overzealous.

0:21:590:22:02

-I'll have a few words.

-That won't do, unless you say, "You're fired".

0:22:020:22:05

Impossible. Her pride would never stand it.

0:22:050:22:08

I don't give a toss about her pride.

0:22:080:22:10

Then we wouldn't have a receptionist.

0:22:100:22:12

Oh, dear. Never mind. Needs must.

0:22:120:22:14

Look, the power has gone to her head.

0:22:140:22:16

In time, she will calm down.

0:22:160:22:19

-That's what they said when Hitler invaded Poland.

-Maybe we should take a vote.

0:22:190:22:22

That is a surprisingly good suggestion, coming from you.

0:22:220:22:25

-I vote for a vote.

-All those in favour

0:22:250:22:27

of relieving Mrs Tembe of infection control and health and bloody safety lead?

0:22:270:22:32

-Cherry.

-Vote carried.

0:22:320:22:34

I think as senior partner, you should carry it out immediately.

0:22:340:22:37

BREATHLESS: Oh!

0:22:370:22:40

I have come to inform you...

0:22:400:22:42

..that the hygiene inspectors are here.

0:22:430:22:47

Oh, Patrick. Don't do that to me again.

0:22:490:22:52

I nearly had a heart attack.

0:22:520:22:54

So, what happened, sweetheart?

0:22:540:22:56

Oh! I hit a tree.

0:22:560:22:59

What? Who was the person in the car with you, then?

0:22:590:23:03

-What?

-The other person in the car.

0:23:030:23:06

Patrick?

0:23:080:23:10

She's...

0:23:130:23:14

I'm so sorry.

0:23:160:23:19

No, Patrick.

0:23:220:23:25

You're good to go.

0:23:250:23:26

The registrar will prescribe some painkillers for the whiplash,

0:23:260:23:30

and then you can go home.

0:23:300:23:31

(I'm sorry.)

0:23:330:23:35

Flying colours. You have to hand it to Mrs Tembe.

0:23:360:23:39

I'll hand her anything you like, as long as it's her P45!

0:23:390:23:43

Is that any way to reward staff for a job well done?

0:23:430:23:46

If you don't, you won't have any staff.

0:23:460:23:48

You'll have a mutiny on your hands.

0:23:480:23:50

Ha-ha!

0:23:520:23:54

The inspectors assure me they will be making a very favourable report.

0:23:540:23:59

-Congratulations, Mrs Tembe. Good start.

-Seconded.

0:23:590:24:03

Do you think we could all have a little chat in my office?

0:24:030:24:08

Of course, Dr Carter. You will be wanting a full debrief.

0:24:080:24:12

How are you finding your new role, Mrs Tembe?

0:24:140:24:17

-Very challenging.

-Ah! You see, that's -

0:24:170:24:20

But also extremely rewarding.

0:24:200:24:23

It's not too time-consuming?

0:24:230:24:25

Encroaching on your other duties?

0:24:250:24:27

Now, I know I forgot your morning tea, but...

0:24:270:24:30

-Yes.

-..I can assure you, it will not happen again.

0:24:300:24:33

Morning tea? You never bring me morning tea!

0:24:330:24:36

That is because you do not deserve it.

0:24:360:24:38

C-C-C-Can we just, um...

0:24:380:24:41

I hope you are not suggesting that I cannot cope.

0:24:410:24:44

Or that I should resign my position!

0:24:440:24:47

On the contrary. No, no, no, no.

0:24:470:24:49

We think that perhaps you should be, um...promoted.

0:24:490:24:52

-T-To...

-To...

0:24:540:24:56

infection control and health and safety...

0:24:560:25:00

-coordinator.

-Coordinator.

0:25:000:25:03

It's a role that has fewer duties, but...

0:25:030:25:05

far more authority.

0:25:050:25:09

What, what sort of authority?

0:25:100:25:12

We'll get someone else to do the day-to-day stuff,

0:25:140:25:16

-freeing you...

-Freeing you to be in charge

0:25:160:25:20

of signing off on everything.

0:25:200:25:22

Everything.

0:25:220:25:24

We don't want another foot soldier.

0:25:250:25:28

-We want a general.

-A general.

0:25:280:25:30

Oh.

0:25:310:25:33

Coordinator.

0:25:330:25:35

I will need another badge.

0:25:370:25:39

-I don't know why I'm surprised you turned out like your father. Maybe adultery's genetic.

-Mum...

0:25:410:25:45

-Who is this woman?

-She's no-one.

0:25:450:25:48

I met her at a work conference. It's not serious.

0:25:480:25:51

Oh, please! Don't make things worse by insulting me!

0:25:510:25:54

-I've seen it all before. Remember?

-Mum...

0:25:540:25:56

No. Just, just get your things and I'll wait in the car!

0:25:560:26:00

No, no, no. Go on.

0:26:030:26:05

We'll get the ice cream on the way home.

0:26:070:26:09

'Only this morning I told you I was looking for a new challenge.

0:26:120:26:17

'Well you will never believe what has happened to your sister today.

0:26:170:26:24

'I was promoted.

0:26:240:26:26

'Twice!'

0:26:260:26:27

She's in bed.

0:26:350:26:37

Good.

0:26:370:26:39

Mum, can we talk?

0:26:410:26:42

Patrick, I can't even look at you at the moment.

0:26:450:26:48

I'm going to have an early night.

0:26:480:26:50

Mum...?

0:26:500:26:51

Say hello to the nice lady, Gavin.

0:27:010:27:03

Gavin can't talk. He's lost his voice.

0:27:050:27:08

You're missing the point!

0:27:080:27:09

You, of all people, know what I went through.

0:27:090:27:12

-Keep away from me!

-Where are you going? Tessa?

0:27:120:27:15

Just keep away!

0:27:150:27:17

-"It's alive. I'm telling you, it's alive."

-What is?

0:27:170:27:20

The dummy. It can talk. It spoke to me.

0:27:200:27:23

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:27:240:27:26

E-mail [email protected]

0:27:260:27:29

In a moment of distraction Heston puts Mrs Tembe in charge of health and safety, with mutinous consequences. When Patrick has a car accident, Julia makes an alarming discovery. And Heston is charmed by The Mill's new health visitor.


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