Desperately Seeking Melanie Doctors

Have you remembered your chemistry stuff?

Fine. Pull a strop. You're still not going.

Why's it always me gets left out?

I'm not going through this again!

-You go out.

-I don't have mocks.

And I want you doing homework when I get back tonight!

DOOR SLAMS

MUSIC: Domino by Jessie J

Not everything has to be for a reason.

Good morning, Dr Clay. Nurse Clay.

Morning, Mrs Tembe. So you cook breakfast midweek and that's it?

Nothing's broken?

You're not trying to build up to telling me your mum's visiting?

-Oh, now that you come to mention it...

-Oh.

She's not. You're so easy to wind up!

In that case, thank you very much, it was delicious.

-What?

-It's just nice to see you smiling.

I'm always smiling.

Mrs Tembe, notes?

Sorry, Dr Granger, I didn't see you. How are you...?

I tell you, that man...

The point is, it's easy for them to brag about it, isn't it?

Nobody's ever going to check. I'm talking about the advertising.

Whoever buys a light bulb, and then counts how long it's on for?

They can claim whatever they like!

Mind.

Blind's stuck again.

You need the knack.

If you would? Mrs Hollins?

A new one?

Thank you.

No need, I'm fine.

Sure. But this way, if you come off, at least it's a soft landing.

Oh, I thought you were somebody else.

Melanie?

You... You know this young lady?

Course. What're you doing here?

Sorry, Uncle Kev.

You OK?

Uncle?! You?

She's my cousin's daughter.

And she's 15, so chill yourself, yeah?

What's up?

It's Mum. I didn't know where else to go.

Come on. Whatever it is, we can talk in here.

Uncle Kevin?

So it was just an argument? You had me worried.

I thought it was serious.

It is! Mum totally flipped.

Telling me the sooner I left home, the better!

I can't believe that, unless you did something wrong?

Sorry...cuppa.

All I wanted to do was go out.

All my mates are going to this gig,

only Mum's got me revising.

It's all right for her, she's always out.

And why's this gig so important?

I met this boy. All my mates have boyfriends.

They think I'm weird. Keep on posting, saying I'm a lez!

And how does this boy fit in the picture?

I just wanted to show them I'd got someone.

Now Mum says I can't go, and they all reckon I made him up.

How would you like it if your mates took the mick out of you?

Have you spoken to your dad?

He's always at work.

OK. But I don't know what you think I can do?

I don't know. But you've always, like, understood me.

-Please, Uncle Kev...

-OK, all right, OK.

First, why not get yourself tidied up and I'll think about what I can do?

Hey, I didn't say I'd come up with anything.

What?

Well, I'm taking a wild stab here -

but I'm thinking teenage girls, tears, not your area of expertise?

So?

So, if I were you, I would dump her back on her mum, pronto.

Mind...you've probably already decided to do that.

See, that's where you're wrong.

The thing is, it should be me spoiling you

-for what you've done for Daniel.

-It was no biggie.

Next job's to make sure he gets there.

You don't think that he will?

Counselling's not exactly his thing. Anyway, I owe you.

You could take me to see the film.

Yeah, OK. Tomorrow?

What's wrong with tonight?

I can't, Daniel's asked to meet up.

And you said "yes"?

Yeah, why not?

All it'll be is a few beers with a mate and a chat.

You sure that that's wise? You know how you two get.

And the state that he's in, getting him drunk...

Is that such a good idea?

Then again, night out with a mate could be exactly what he needs.

See ya.

What's a naevus poster...oh... I can't say the next bit.

A what?

Whatever it is, it sounds gross!

Oi! That's confidential.

Be totally awkward if I found one of my teachers on here.

Well, you won't. Go on, clear off!

Didn't take you long to cheer up, did it?

OK, sorted. You're staying at mine.

Your mum agreed it'll give you both some breathing room.

-For real?

-Just for tonight.

I'll drop you round lunchtime.

-Excuse me, aren't you forgetting school? She's got exams coming up.

-One day won't hurt.

-And in the meantime?

-What if I said you could go shopping?

I haven't got any money.

And stay in touch.

Oh. Well, my phone's out of credit.

Thanks. You're the best.

Amateur.

Ah, the rota,

the only facet of life more intangible than the Higgs boson.

-I can't make head nor tail.

-I'd only confuse matters.

Mr Bellamy, your analytical skills are urgently required.

I need you to help me unpick a few things,

get down to the nitty-gritty...of the rota.

Ah.

What did you think I meant?

I'll pop by later, shall I?

That woman is a ray of sunshine.

I know it's non-PC to say it, but it's a delight to see a lady

so well turned out.

I hadn't noticed.

PHONE RINGS

Hiya.

No, I told you, it's all sorted.

Of course I want to.

No. Asa, it's what I want, too.

I'd tell you if it wasn't...

-You think I won't go?

-I didn't say that.

I said I would, and I will.

Good. I know you're not exactly looking forward to it but...

You just make sure you're there for the debrief, all right?

Because I'm gonna need that drink.

-Not worried it'll cramp your style?

-She'll be fine.

I don't know why people keep banging on about how difficult kids are.

-All you have to do is talk to them.

-What're her parents like?

Boring. Their mistake was settling down too young.

Well, they had to because of...

-So they're the hassled parents, and you're the cool uncle?

-Hey!

There's a world of difference when you've got them 24/7.

Rubbish, it'll be fun.

Glad you think so, cos the fun's already started.

Have you any idea how embarrassing this is?

-I've got to go back and explain this to my colleagues.

-Sorry.

-You're lucky the shop didn't want to press charges.

-I know.

So, come on then...stealing, underage drinking? What's going on?

-I... I just wasn't thinking.

-Clearly.

-I just...

-What?

Well...it's all this stuff with Mum...

I just wanted to blot it out.

By drinking yourself blind?

I know...you must think I'm a right kid, but...

I didn't know what else to do.

I didn't mean to embarrass you.

If you want me to go home, I will.

It's OK. Come on.

-Wireless?

-All hooked to my console.

So tonight, I get to whup you at any game you choose.

Sorry, mate, if it's electricity, I've already switched.

Anything else, I'm not interested.

What're you doing here?

Just dropping my stuff off, then I'm back to work.

-How you doing?

-You know him?

Hang on, what's going on?

Sorry, Uncle Kev. This is Asa, my boyfriend.

We're going to that gig tonight.

Yeah, that's right. Neat place.

Ta for letting me crash. Appreciate it.

A word.

I thought you arriving was spur of the moment?

It is, then I called Asa.

To invite him to stay?

Yeah, sorry. My bad. I should've said.

ASKED is the word. Does your mum know about him?

-Course.

-I don't get it.

You were moaning before about her not letting you out.

She doesn't in the week, but she's OK about me and Asa.

Even though he's...how old is he?

20.

Oh, come on Uncle Kev, I never had you down as boring.

-I'm not.

-So you don't mind, then?

No... It's cool.

Great.

I'm on my way out.

Do you think you and Jimmi going out later is such a good idea?

What's it got to do with you?

Why d'you think? You might let something slip.

Oh, I see.

Warning me off is actually you doing me a favour, is that it?

I think that you should tell him that you can't make it.

You're something else. I'm going to see a shrink.

That's not enough, is it?

Now you want me to blank the only friend who might get me through this.

He's my husband first.

It's a shame you didn't remember that when your hand was down my trousers.

KNOCK ON DOOR

-Yup?

-Hi. Just returning this.

-Cheers.

-Everything OK?

Just a disagreement over a patient. All sorted now though, isn't it?

-Before you say anything...

-Actually, you've got a visitor.

Kevin, long time! Way, way too long!

Belinda!

I've just dropped Melanie back at mine,

but it's great to see you. You've...changed your hair.

I figured I deserved it.

15 years of putting myself second, about time I had a life too.

Besides, I'm not exactly going to be in the game if I look a frump, am I?

Sorry, "In the game"?

-Oh, my god! Paul hasn't told you...

-What?

Our marriage. Officially, we're on a trial separation.

Truth is, it's over.

You're kidding? I always thought you two were for ever.

You mean we were that good at hiding things?

Kevin, there never was a marriage.

Mel's the only reason it happened.

-But she hasn't said a word.

-Probably cos she don't know.

She must know something's wrong, she's pretty mixed-up.

And I'll tell her. It's just...

I've got to accept it myself first.

Of course. Sorry.

That explains why you two have been arguing.

Yeah, that must be it.

She thought you were just dead set against her going out.

I am. Sleepover at her mate's when she should be revising -

I don't think so!

I thought she was going to a gig?

Gig? Mel? Come off it.

She's still the little bookworm she always was.

-So...no boyfriend?

-No way!

No. I'm not having her wasting her life the same way I did,

which brings me on to the little favour I wanted to ask you.

-Favour?

-I know it's cheeky,

-but is there any way you can have her till the weekend?

-Ah...

You see, the thing is, I've met a bloke. You'll love him.

-Neville, he's a right scream.

-A bloke?

Bit of a charmer, too. Wants to take me off to Venice for a few nights.

Hang on. I thought you were still getting over your marriage?

I am. It's just, isn't it what they always say?

"When you fall off a horse,

"the best thing to do is to get right back on."

Besides I've never been to La Bella Italia.

Come on, Kevin. Please.

Didn't expect to see this place again.

Take a seat.

Not much has changed, except this. This new, or have you just moved it?

Daniel, this is patently uncomfortable - especially for a GP.

So the important thing is we go at your pace. OK?

Yeah.

How are things at home?

Being a parent again, has that been how you expected?

Does anyone know what to expect?

How is Joe?

And Zara?

I'm sorry, this is a mistake. I shouldn't have come.

Oh?

Yes, being a parent again has been difficult,

but it's nothing that I can't sort myself.

Good. Taking control is good.

I'm sorry for wasting your time.

Although, by the same token,

refusing to accept a problem is a major negative.

I'm not. I just said.

You also came here, Daniel.

Whatever it is, it's important enough to seek help.

I was wrong.

What changed your mind?

Daniel, the first step towards recovery is

when a person asks for help.

That's original.

It means they still care about their own health and well-being.

Presumably that's what brought you here today.

Well, you came here wanting something.

If not for yourself, then for Zara, maybe?

Or for your son?

She told me her mum didn't mind, little liar.

Then there's this.

It's her first time. So are you going to let them?

No... I don't know.

Well, you'd better decide.

Cos I'll tell you this much, she's playing you for all she's worth.

OK. All right, what do I do?

Send her back to her parents, let them sort it.

Yeah, like they'll be any help! Dad's gone,

Mum's acting like she's 18 again -

they're more immature than she is.

Besides, I'm not going to grass on her.

Well, tell her "no" yourself.

She only came to me because she thinks she can trust me.

Oh, I get it. This is about your ego.

No.

But if she thinks I'm against her as well, who's she got left to talk to?

Kevin, she didn't come to talk.

OK, what if things go wrong?

She'll need someone she can trust.

To do what? Let her get away with whatever she wants?

She's old enough to make her own decisions.

-And you think sleeping with this lad is her own decision?

-Isn't it?

You saw her wall. Some of that stuff is pretty vicious.

They're just girls.

It's bullying, Kevin, and she's 15.

So unless you're sure she's doing this for the right reasons,

you've got to decide what's more important - your cred,

or that girl's well-being?

The days when I had Joe, when it was my turn,

I'd wake up with this...cloud.

And I'd pray that Zara would make an excuse to stay home,

or forget that it was my turn.

Anything rather than being left alone with him.

And if that didn't happen...

Did you tell Zara this?

Why not?

And admit that I was the one struggling?

Would that've been such a bad thing?

Why was talking to Zara so difficult for you?

Erm...because I was scared.

That she'd think it wasn't Joe...rejecting me...

..but me rejecting them.

And were you?

I don't know.

What are you doing here? I thought you weren't coming till later?

Couldn't stay away.

Hey, it's OK here, isn't it?

Some neat stuff.

Yeah. Uncle Kevin's got some great DVD's, we could watch one?

I'd rather watch you take that top off.

Come here, sexy.

I want you to do something.

You say it's often just you and Joe.

I want you to think of an occasion and describe it.

Is this absolutely necessary?

Where is Joe?

He's on his play-mat and...I'm in my chair.

Let's say he starts to cry.

What now? Do you go to him?

BABY CRIES

Sometimes...not that he wants me to.

Sometimes it just makes it worse.

-Worse?

-Yeah.

Because he doesn't want me...he's pushing me away.

He just wants his mum.

BABY SCREAMS

How's that make you feel?

Like I'm not really his dad...

..because if I was, then I'd be able to cope.

Is that what you think? That you should be able to cope?

What do you think?

You think other parents always cope?

Shut up!

BABY CRIES

Shut up! SHUT UP!

Other parents don't...

Don't...?

Daniel?

Nothing. It's erm...nothing.

OK, good. You've done well.

We'll fix up another appointment.

In the meantime, you may wish to talk to your GP about medication.

Erm... Maybe we should put some music on?

Whatever you want, babes.

Now, how about...you get the rest of this off?

Do you get off on teasing me? Hmm?

Asa...no...

DOOR CLOSES

Asa...

-Uncle Kevin!

-What the hell are you doing?! No, don't answer that!

Sorry...I thought...

What? That this is OK!? You, get decent.

-You, get out!

-Yes.

Thanks! How awk was that!

OK, we shouldn't have been in here...

You shouldn't have been anywhere, not like that!

Sorry, I just thought you'd be OK with it.

-Well, I'm not. You've taken me for a mug.

-No.

-Yes.

No. I just thought you'd be cool with it.

You always got me more than Mum and Dad.

-Way you're going on, you sound just like them!

-Maybe I am!

What? So all that taking my side, what was that?

You're just making out you're better than them?

No.

I don't know....

Listen, Melanie, I am on your side.

-But not if it means seeing you get hurt.

-Who said I was?

I've read your wall, what the other girls have written.

What?!

Kill me now!

They didn't mean it.

So that's not why you set all this up?

No...

Melanie, tell me straight, is this what you really want?

Yeah, I mean...

KNOCK ON DOOR

Excuse me.

Could you just..?

Thank you.

So, the gig, you coming? No point in missing it, right?

No, you go.

It wasn't cos of what you said.

He was getting too clingy.

Not like any of them will believe that.

And what your mates think matters, does it?

Melanie, listen. Thing is - when people your age brag,

most of the time, that's what it is.

Them making things up to impress their mates.

Yeah, like you'd know anything about it!

I do, because...that's what I did.

What? You lied about..?

Well, I wasn't going to be the only one left out.

So how old were you?

-19.

-Oh, my god!

OK. All right! But if anyone else finds out, I know it came from you.

What I'm trying to say is, it didn't do me any harm.

And you can always make up for it later on.

So what are we going to do now?

Are you going to tell Mum?

-No. On one condition.

-What?

No more messing about.

You think you're an adult, start behaving like one.

-I'm sorry.

-Hey.

-Take-away?

-They pushed it through the door.

I've been meaning to show you. They do everything.

-They do Thai, Chinese...they even do beers.

-I can get beer at the pub.

Why do you want to sit in some dingy pub

when you and Daniel can come to ours? I'll make us some nibbles.

It'll be a nice night for all of us.

No, you're definitely missing the point. It's supposed to be a lad's night.

It doesn't have to be.

Cherry, I love you dearly, but you don't qualify.

KNOCK ON DOOR

-Taxi's here.

-How did it go?

Fine.

I was just suggesting to Jimmi...

I think we've knocked that idea on the head.

Listen, I'll try not to wake you.

Why don't you get a take-away for yourself? Give it a trial run.

-Yeah.

-Have a good night.

You too.

Remember "Dare to care"...

There is a slight decrease in your heart rate.

I usually make her heart beat faster.

DOOR CLOSES

You're not going to go all "stalker" on me, are you?

Course not.

Boo. Sorry, it was a joke!

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