A Parent Thing Doctors

DOORBELL RINGS

Here she comes.

-Hiya.

-Oh, Karen, what a relief.

-What's up?

-The electric's off - faulty wiring.

Dick was fiddling with the junction box over the weekend, now we've got no power.

Engineer says it's going to take all day to put it right.

What're you doing standing there? Come on in.

It'll be lovely to have some kiddies around the place.

Alfie, stop wiping your nose on Abi's coat.

Fancy grabbing some lunch?

No, thanks, it's my half day working, but I've got to get to work, if you get what I mean.

-Come again?

-Telesales stuff.

I've got to get in a good few hours, but my neighbours are a nightmare,

so it'll be like trying to find a quiet corner in a drum.

-Haven't you got your own room?

-Yeah, plus the signal's rubbish.

Kev?

What?

Your place is empty.

-So?

-Don't make me beg.

I've still got a set from when I stayed.

Are you OK?

Does it feel cold in here to you?

Maybe you're coming down with something.

Yeah, maybe.

I'd better get a move on. Thanks, Kev.

Headache? Sore throat?

I'm fine, I just need to start wearing thermals.

You need sand, sea and sun. Get her to take you to Spain with her.

-When are you off?

-This time tomorrow.

It's all right for some.

How did you get on over the weekend?

Not great. I didn't sleep much.

Why don't you go home early - get some rest?

Because I don't want to be on my own.

You can't carry on like this, you're going to make yourself ill,

and lack of sleep causes hallucinations.

I wasn't hallucinating.

Your mind can play tricks...

I know what I saw, it was real, and if you don't believe me, read this.

-Cherry...

-I went on the internet, cos I wanted to see if anyone had been through the same as me.

I found that article written by Gregor Trask, he's local.

He knows the area, and there's been paranormal activity near to where I live.

Paranormal...you're joking?!

That's a typical response from someone who isn't receptive.

And you are(?)

It's easy to mock something that you don't understand.

Just read it.

# Oh, the grand old Duke of York he had ten thousand men

# He marched them up to the top of the hill

# And he marched them down again

# When they were up they were up

# And when they were down they were down

# And when they were only halfway up

# They were neither up nor down. #

Oh, OK.

Oh, come on then. Yes.

Let's cover teddy up, shall we?

Let's make him snug as a bug in a rug.

This is really good of you, Karen. If you hadn't stepped in,

I'd have had to call their parents and get them picked up.

We couldn't have that, could we?

Not with your Auntie Karen only around the corner.

This used to be my Immogen's teddy.

She didn't want any dolls.

Nor did my Dee.

She used to love to hang around with her dad and strip a car.

They grow up so fast.

Now Dee's at Uni, I'm thankful for the child-minding.

But they can be a right handful,

but you love a good old cuddle with your Auntie Bev, don't you?

No, no, no, no, no.

Give me... Give it to Auntie Karen. That's it.

Just give it to your Auntie Karen. That's good. No. Come on.

Good lad. Lovely. Go and sit down.

You need eyes in the back of your head.

-What's he doing with my flowers?

-Flowers?

Oh, Alfie, love, no.

Have you eaten those?

-You have, haven't you? Are they poisonous?

-I don't know.

I better get him to A&E and get him checked out.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

-It's OK. You go. I'll take care of these.

-You sure?

-Yeah.

-Oh, you're a real gem, really?

-Yeah.

Right. OK.

Who fancies having a quiet time with Auntie Karen?

No? OK.

I know it's someone's birthday today.

-Me! Me! Me!

-Is it yours?

Come on then. Let's make a cake!

Shall we? Come on. Roll your sleeves up. Let's get baking.

TV: 'Over recent months, there have been many incidences

'of paranormal activity in the local Letherbridge area.

'In particular, on the site of the old workhouse for the poor

'on Brinkwell Road.

'Many workers died there, and were buried in the unconsecrated grounds.

'Demolition work began last year.

'Several unexplained sightings have been reported,

'notably that of a young girl wearing what appears to be

'a long brown dress, shawl and bonnet.

'Some residents have seen sightings,

'but they are reluctant to come forward.

'Only...'

And you, look at yours.

-Do you think it's ready to go in the tin?

-Yeah.

DOORBELL RINGS

Oww, who can that be?

Hi. Sorry to bother you, but I saw the note on Bev's door.

Is Samuel here, I'm his mum.

I'm Karen, I'm just helping Bev out.

Do you want to come in? We're just in the kitchen.

Hello, sweetheart, can Mummy have a cuddle?

Hey!

Oh, let me get that... Sorry.

Don't worry about it. It's fine, really.

We're in a bit of a hurry, have you got his coat?

Coat. Coat. I think Bev maybe left it at her place.

She's at the hospital.

One of the little ones took a liking to my carnations.

She won't be long.

It's all right, he can do without it,

we've only got to walk to the car.

Does Bev know you're picking him up?

I don't need Bev's permission to pick up my own son.

I'm not saying you do, it's just he's my responsibility,

and I wouldn't feel right just...

Could you...? Could you just hang on a second and I'll give Bev a call?

No, I've already said, I haven't got time.

I'm telling you that you're not taking him anywhere, OK,

until I speak to Bev first.

Carry on making your cake.

PHONE RINGS

Speaking.

Really?

I see.

So you've been a very, very naughty boy...

..and naughty boys must be punished.

I say you need a good spanking.

Bend over.

I said, "Bend over."

Did that hurt?

Is your bottom stinging?

Good.

Yes, until next time. Bye.

Four today. Wow! You Mummy's big boy?

Hmm?

I've got you lots of presents.

Um... The phone's off, so I've left a message.

We've got to get going.

I'm taking Sam for a special birthday tea. I'll call Bev later.

I'm sorry, but...

DOORBELL RINGS

Ah... Hopefully that's Bev.

Don't you worry, you're coming with Mummy.

Bev about? Yes...

What's she doing here?

He's as much mine as yours, and I'm taking him out,

and you're not stopping me. I mean it, Vin.

He's coming home with me.

I'm sorry, but that little boy is not going anywhere,

-not until Bev gets back.

-But...

-That's final.

Come on, let's wash our hands. Let's go upstairs.

That's it.

Yay!

Shall I put this back?

No, I left it for Mandy.

Hey. You're looking a bit peaky.

Why does everyone keep on saying that I look ill?

-There's nothing wrong with me.

-OK, OK.

Sorry, I just didn't sleep very well.

It's the memory foam in that bed - it's lost its memory.

You on a call out?

No. I'm going to meet Daniel for lunch.

Mandy.

-Mr Lynch.

-Thank you.

And make sure you have some lunch - you're not taking care of yourself.

That's your job, isn't it?

I read that stuff you gave me.

OK. So now do you believe me?

That article...it was written by Gregor Trask, he's a patient here.

He's got mental health issues - paranoia, delusions...

What if he's right?

No. No. No. You just want him to be right,

because it validates what you think you saw. It wasn't real.

No.

Think about it, you're half asleep, half awake,

you have these vivid dreams.

Like that stuff on Friday, it feels real, but it's not.

So why's it happening to me?

Cos you've got a lot on your mind.

Why don't you take a bit of the pressure off,

and delay having a baby.

Are you saying that I'm not fit to have a baby?

-So, why're you here?

-To see my son.

You've got no right seeing him without my say-so.

Who do think you are?

I'm his father, and you walked out on us, remember?

I think you should both leave.

Where's Samuel, we're going.

No. I'm taking him for a birthday treat, and you're not stopping me.

Listen, he's in my charge,

and I don't know who either of you are from Adam,

so you're not taking him, OK?

And who are you? Beverley's supposed to be looking after my son.

-Where is she?

-She's...

-Don't start picking on her.

What're you doing, letting her in?

What kind of father won't let a mother see her son?

The kind of father whose wife walked out on him.

"Walked out"? "Walked out" he says.

It was a job relocation, Leeds, I'm a software analyst.

Better house, better money, better everything.

But this stick-in-the-mud doesn't want to move more than two streets away from his family.

What about me, my job? All you think about is yourself.

-I earn more in a day than he does in a week.

-Rub it in.

I've never thrown it in your face, but it is fact.

I'm the breadwinner.

And what I was offered was the opportunity of a lifetime.

For you maybe, but what about me, what about what I want?

Excuse me, can you two hear yourselves?

"I want, you want, he wants, she wants."

I've got to go and look after those kids.

So you...make yourselves a cup of tea, talk like grown-ups.

Mine's milk with no sugar.

More, more, give me more, tiger.

Yes, yes, oh, yes.

Oh, you know just what I want.

Oh, you do it so good! Yes, yes.

More, give me more more! Oh, yes! Oh, yes!

Yeah, same time next week. Bye.

SHE GASPS

MAN GROANS BEHIND CURTAIN

MAN CONTINUES TO GROAN

MAN CHOKES

Whoa! Yeah...um...

Heston, I'm so sorry. I thought you were...

I was what?

Nothing. I'm just being silly.

I'm such an idiot.

Go on.

Just recently,

I keep on thinking that I'm seeing things out the corner of my eye,

like a poltergeist or some sort of spirit,

and now I am actually hearing myself saying it...

-..I really sound like an idiot.

-Well...

I can't believe I was actually going to call that crackpot,

talk about UFOs and burial sites. I mean, how ridiculous is that?!

I miss Simon.

I once saw Elvis in a surgical sluice room.

Elvis?

Quiff, sequins, guitar - the whole caboodle.

I was tired, it was very late.

I'd just come out of surgery, a patient had died on the table,

my father wasn't very well...

In those situations, the mind can play tricks.

Stress.

Yes.

You know what to do.

Are you shocked?

When you said "telesales",

I thought you meant something like double glazing or insurance,

but, hey, - whatever tickles your pickle.

It doesn't tickle anything, it pays the bills.

Just make sure Howard doesn't find out.

He was one of my first callers.

SHE LAUGHS

All my callers feel better after I've spoken to them.

I wish I could say the same for all my patients.

PHONE RINGS

Hello.

This is Kevina, what can I do for you?

You're into what?

Yeah... Yeah, put it on.

OK. Yeah.

Mustard, that's right.

Mustard.

SHE MOANS WITH PLEASURE

SHE MOANS WITH PLEASURE

Kerching!

Sammy did this.

I think he's got real talent.

Must've got it from me.

Let's hope he hasn't got your stubbornness.

Compared to you, I'm a pushover.

I can't remember the last time you admitted to being wrong about...anything.

If you think I'm going to back down about wanting a better life for us, forget it.

For "us"? What "us", Della?

Me and your son are here, and you're in Leeds.

Oh... Us being apart, that isn't what I wanted,

that's not what I had planned.

You make so many plans. I'm not your little lap dog.

You might be the big I am at work,

but when it comes to home, it's got to be 50-50.

You've suddenly got a lot to say for yourself.

And about time.

All right, I'm bossy, I know that,

but...if I'd known this would... I would never have taken that job.

Do you mean that?

Look, I'm...I'm sorry for not letting you see Sammy.

Where do we go from here?

The cake!

Oh...

DOORBELL RINGS

Argh!

Hi. Come on in. Come on.

The doctor said he's fine.

The flower bit of the carnation is OK,

it's the leaves and stems he was more concerned about,

but Alfie said he hadn't eaten them, didn't you, poppet?

He's got discerning taste.

You've been an absolute godsend.

I hope they've not running you ragged?

Have you been running your Auntie Karen ragged, children?

No, they've been as good as gold.

All right, Bev?

Hello, love. Oh, hi, are you two...?

No. Not exactly. We're just...

So you found us then? Electric's off, I didn't know what else to do,

but it's being fixed, so it will all back to normal tomorrow.

I am sorry.

Not to worry. Anyway...we're off.

Come on, Sammy, we're going for a special birthday tea with Daddy...

and Mummy.

Thanks, Kev, for lending me this place.

-I'd never have got through all those calls otherwise.

-Any time.

And you don't mind that I'm using it for...?

Makes no odds to me.

PHONE RINGS

Hi.

Yeah, that's me.

What can I do for you?

What did you say?

(SPEAKER) You heard. I'm paying for this call, so listen to me.

You'll do as you're told, and do what I want.

Get lost.

I know where you live.

-I'm going to get you...

-You're not going to do anything,

cos I'm going to trace who you are, and then I'll come round

and tell your wife what a dirty, disgusting old man she's got.

So put it back in your pants and take a cold shower.

I suppose I've got to expect that kind of call every so often.

Jas...

I'll have to get used to it.

What else can I do? I need the money.

I've got bills to pay...

Then come back with me and forget the rent.

I pay my own way.

You can do my washing.

I'd rather talk to the pervs.

I could phone....no, forget it.

-Could what?

-Call my ex, stupid idea, forget it.

He owes you money?

Let's not go there, eh?

That's it, then. You're moving back in with me. End of.

Oliver says I should try and get more exercise.

He says the endorphins will do me good.

Healthy body, healthy mind.

Sometimes some of the crap we spout to the patients

does actually works.

You'll be proud of me.

I've cleaned the house from top to bottom.

You sure you're OK, mate? What's Oliver done to you?

He says I should go to my GP, get some antidepressants.

Have you?

I haven't taken any yet.

Why not?

Oliver knows what he's talking about

and if he thinks they're going to do you good...

I don't want propping up with pills.

So it's OK for the patients to take them,

-but you're above taking them?

-Course not.

It's just like owning up to the fact that you can't do it yourself.

Is it really so bad?

Oliver says I hid my emotions too much. During the IVF,

all the stress,

but it was ten times worse for Zara, so how could I...

Could you imagine her reaction

if I'd started blubbing on her shoulder?

She might've surprised you.

Yeah, with a right hook.

I had no idea having a child would be so stressful.

Me neither.

Me and Cherry, we're trying.

Come on. You can do better than that.

Oh!

What you said to me earlier...

Listen, I don't want you to think that I was...

You were being truthful. And you're right, all this paranormal stuff.

I need to get a grip.

It's weird or what?

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be so blunt about you trying for a baby.

It's fine.

I'm not even trying.

That's brilliant news, fantastic.

I hope it goes well for you, I really do.

Thanks. Thanks you. We haven't hit the jackpot yet.

You been trying long?

Long enough to make you wonder if it's ever going to happen.

You just assume it's going to happen first time, don't you?

Early days, mate.

Yeah, I hope so.

You've been lying to Jimmi about trying for a baby?

We have been trying, I just haven't stopped taking the pill.

First the affair, now this.

How cruel can you be to him?

Mand, it's like you said, I'm not ready.

But why would you lie to him about something like this?

Jimmi is desperate to have a baby,

and I really don't want to let him down.

Think about how disappointed he's going to be

when he finds out you've been deceiving him?

He won't.

How long do you intend to keep this up for?

Bye. Bye, bye.

So...you're trying for a baby.

Leave me alone.

After what happened between us, do you think that's a good idea?

It's none of your business.

I don't want you to hurt him.

That's rich.

It's such a cliche, having a baby to fix a marriage?

What do you know about marriage?

Everything that's happened to you, you've brought on yourself,

so don't you dare try laying your guilt on me.

-You're right, I deserved what I got.

-Get out of my way.

What I did was unforgivable.

I was looking for some sort of a distraction,

a self-destruct button, if you like.

Is this the psycho babble Oliver feeds you?

I've had a lot of time to think about what I did,

the consequences. How about you?

Of course I have.

I know I was genuinely ill.

What's your excuse?

Whoa! Steady!

Good heavens, he's not a sack of potatoes.

By the way, does Kevin know about your sideline?

Yup! He even offered a couple of suggestions at one point.

What's wrong with that?

Nothing. It's great you can be so frank with each other.

You know, don't you?

What?

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