Tenderness Doctors

Oh, Philip.

Oh. Please don't fret. I'll come and visit you.

That would be lovely.

I hadn't realised you would take this so hard.

Don't let me spoil things. You go ahead and make your announcement.

SHE TAPS WINE GLASS

Listen, everybody, I want your attention, please.

My daughter, Penny, is coming this afternoon.

The granny flat is finished,

so we're having a very special tea to celebrate.

Are you all free?

ALL: High tea!

Good. Good. That's settled then.

Oh...you poor man.

Here, this will buck you up.

It's my daughter's special recipe.

Blackcurrant jam with a touch of cassis,

for the more sophisticated palate.

It looks delicious.

I'll get her to bring you a jar this afternoon.

SHE CLICKS HER FINGERS

With you in a sec.

Philip would like some fresh toast.

-What's wrong with that?

-Actually, I'm not that hungry.

Don't be so polite. It's his job.

I'm not. I just have a slight headache.

A little lie down will cure it.

Whoa! Steady!

Good heavens, he's not a sack of potatoes.

Surely you've been taught how to lift people properly.

What have I told you about using your walker?

Can't remember when I had such a great night in.

Me neither.

Careful. You'll be blowing your cred!

As if!

Have you moved in with Kevin?

Yes, and it's absolute bliss. Hold the door.

I would say love is definitely in the air.

-Sorry. What?

-Forget I said anything.

Good morning, Karen, isn't it a lovely day?

Oh! I've just been blinded by a ray of sunshine.

Wish she'd keep her sarky comments to herself.

Have I missed something?

Do you fancy a cup of coffee?

No thanks. I've got to get on.

Jimmi?

Uh... Yeah, you've twisted my arm.

Give it a try, Philip.

I'm not feeling up to it just now.

You say that every time.

Look, we're short-staffed.

I can't always be there when you fall.

There's no need to raise your voice.

HE SOBS

Mary, it's OK. There's been a bit of misunderstanding

Yes. I lost my balance, that's all.

-He pushed you!

-No, he didn't. He put his arm out to try to save me.

I know what I saw, Philip.

Please, go. Mary, dear...

Leave me alone. I can manage.

-SHE KNOCKS ON DOOR

-Philip? Please let me in.

I'm all right.

Would you...bag an armchair for me in the sitting room?

HE SOBS

How are Jack and Immie getting on?

Your guess is as good as mine. They don't phone, they don't text.

-Never?

-Yeah, they do...but not often!

It only means they've got a life.

Things are never the same once you've had kids.

They fill a space you never knew was there and when they've gone,

they leave a great big gaping hole.

-If you had your time again, would you change anything?

-No.

But don't let me put you off having kids by moaning.

If anybody was ever meant to be a dad, it's you.

-Is Cherry's pregnant?!

-Not yet, we're trying.

Oh, that's made my day!

Karen, promise you won't say anything to Cherry.

No, she'll probably want to tell me herself.

Yeah, probably. It's a secret, no-one knows yet.

Well, I... Promise. Ooooh!

THEY LAUGH

Oh, thank you.

There was no need to lock me out.

I'm sorry.

I was embarrassed, not at my most debonair.

Do you think I'd mind about that?

I'm going to have to revise my plans.

That's nonsense.

I'm not going to leave you in the hands of that brute.

He's far too uncouth for an establishment like this?

I keep telling you, it was a complete accident.

You can't stop me reporting it.

It's up to you, but you'll only make a fool of yourself

and spoil your lovely party.

Speaking of which, why don't I ring the French bakery

and order some mille-feuille? My treat.

If you think you can just turn on the charm...

HE WINCES

You ARE injured. Show me.

It could be a cracked rib. That could lead to a pneumothorax.

-I'm getting the picture.

-Let me have a look.

Not here!

I'll ring the bakery about the pastries?

I am not leaving this spot until you ring the doctor.

Do that and I won't report it.

Promise?

Against my better judgment, but yes I promise.

Hello, it's Philip Moore from Broster Manor.

Erm...just hang on a minute, Mr Moore.

Philip Moore's had a fall.

-Broster Manor?

-Yeah.

-OK.

Mr Moore? Dr Carter will be out to see you.

No trouble at all. Bye.

Oh, great, I can squeeze in a coffee.

Heston, can I tempt you?

Alas, no. I'm off to Broster Manor.

Bit premature, surely?

-It's a joke?

-Right.

Oops. I seem to be putting my foot in it today.

-By the way, does Kevin know about your sideline?

-Yup.

He even offered a couple of suggestions at one point.

What's wrong with that?

Nothing. It's great you can be so frank with each other.

Puts your relationship on a firm footing.

I'm afraid you've dropped another clanger.

Oh, no. What now?

Me and Kevin aren't an item.

I've just moved in with him until I get myself sorted.

Hang on a minute. That doesn't compute. You said "absolute bliss".

Yeah, it is. Having a proper bedroom!

OK... Well, what's in it for Kevin?

The pleasure of my scintillating company.

Honestly, he's just being a good mate.

The sex chat line thing got very weird, so he offered me

a spare room so I wouldn't need the money.

-Won't it cramp your style, though?

-Nah. I'm off men at the moment.

All those perverts?

To be honest, it's more about my ex.

-I'm sensing an acrimonious break-up?

-Oh, not really.

Did something unforgivable and I just ruined his life.

What is it with women and guilt?

You're not responsible for his life, he is.

-It takes two to tango.

-I wish you'd tell my Mum that.

Well, take it from this wise old crone - move on.

Young and beautiful doesn't last forever.

KNOCK ON DOOR

Come in.

-Only me.

-If you don't mind, I'm expecting the doctor.

-And what are you going to tell him?

-As little as possible.

If Mary reports this, my career could be down the toilet.

Steve, I'm begging you not to say anything.

If you do, I will have to tell them

that you pushed me, and who do you think they're going to believe? KNOCK ON DOOR

Come in!

Morning, Philip!

-Is everything all right?

-Steve was just leaving.

Right...

I wouldn't worry, cos he's coming on really well.

-KNOCK ON DOOR

-Yes?

Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you'd finished.

We are. Here we go. Bye, bye Benjy.

Take care. See you later.

Oh, you looked dead natural then.

So I should, it's my job.

-What do you want?

-Oh...your next patient's cancelled.

Great, I can catch up. I'm really behind today.

What?

It's just, when I saw you with Benjy then, I had this strange feeling.

-You know, don't you?

-What?

-That we're trying for a baby.

-You're not! Ooh, Cherry!

How spooky is that? I had a premonition

-Jimmi told you, didn't he?

-No.

-You're a terrible liar, Karen.

-Your mum must be over the moon.

She doesn't know, nobody does, and that's the way I want to keep it.

I won't say anybody, I promise.

But what if you have a little boy, you could call him Benjy

Benjy Clay. Hah!

So how did you do this?

-The usual way.

-Too vain to use a walking aid?

-Don't you start nagging as well!

-Who's nagging?

Steve. That's what we were discussing when you came in.

Bone of contention, I'm afraid.

So, how did you fall?

I tripped over the carpet.

I'm absolutely sure, dear.

As long as you have no objection.

This means so much to me, thank you.

See you later.

Well, I don't think you've broken anything.

I can give you some painkillers.

Philip, you seem a little bit nervous.

Is there something you'd like to discuss?

I... KNOCK ON DOOR

I wonder if I might be of some assistance?

-I'm a trained nurse.

-OK.

-Oh, my goodness!

I think Philip would appreciate some privacy, if you don't mind.

We're old friends.

Whoa, Mary, you shouldn't be in here. Come on!

-Take your hands off me, you...

-Mary, please.

Right. If I'm not needed, I have a party to organise.

And I'm perfectly capable of finding my own way out, thank you.

-I think she just wanted to see him with his shirt off!

-HE LAUGHS

I'll...erm...leave you to it, then.

If you don't mind.

You see, it's never too late to cut a dash with the ladies.

There's hope for me yet.

Why did you tell Karen?

She guessed from my cheesy grin. I just can't help myself.

Mr Hilberry, come on in and take a seat.

I'll catch you later.

-What?

-My goodness, you're jumpy!

I was miles away. Can I help you?

It's no good. I've got to tell you what happened this morning.

To Philip?

Yes.

I've never broken a promise to anyone in my life

and certainly not to him.

There's no shame if you're protecting your friend.

He thinks he's going to spoil my party, but I think he's scared.

-Of what?

-Of Steve.

I saw him push Philip over, this morning.

Apparently, if you eat loads of bananas you'll have a boy.

Would you rather have a girl?

A girl would be nice, as longs as it's healthy.

What kind of underpants does Jimmi wear?

What's that got to do with anything?

Well, apparently if a man wears tight pants he'll father a girl.

-If he wears boxer shorts, he'll have a boy.

-That's rubbish!

No. I think there's something in it, because when I had our two, Rob...

Karen, that is far too much information.

-I'd rather just leave it to chance.

-You'll know once you're pregnant.

My two pregnancies, both really different.

When I had Jack, I didn't have many symptoms,

but I had really hairy legs. Rob said I looked like King Kong.

When I had Immie, I had mood swings.

He said I was still King Kong, minus the hair.

-Karen, can you just drop it, please?

-Ah, why?

Because you're tempting fate.

-I'm not even pregnant yet, it might never happen.

-Course it will.

Infertility figures are going up,

there could be all sorts of problems...

I didn't mean to scare you. You know I'm on your side, don't you?

Hi. What's the goss?

Something I said?

-KNOCK ON THE DOOR

-May I have a word?

-Sure.

So... How's he doing?

A resident has made an allegation of abuse against you.

I don't know what you're talking about.

You were seen pushing Philip over.

Mary! I knew it!

-Is it true?

-No!

She thought she saw me push him, but I didn't.

He lost his balance. I was putting my hand out to save him.

He told me he tripped over the carpet.

Yeah, well, that might be. Everything happened so quickly.

My main concern was to stop him hitting the ground.

But you failed.

Look, it's not in Philip's interests to pursue this.

Is that a threat?

I'm just saying he wouldn't be happy if the truth came out.

You're interfering with something that doesn't concern you.

I know how difficult it is to come to terms with being

physically abused.

You feel powerless, guilty...

-That's absolute rot!

-It isn't!

You need to report this,

if not for you, for the sake of other residents who may be at risk.

-They wouldn't be.

-So he didn't push you?

What will happen to him?

-He'll be suspended and they'll do a report.

-Oh, no!

That's a good thing, isn't it?

I'm having a consultation with a patient, do you mind?

-Please, let him stay.

-So he can intimidate you? I don't think so.

Please, I'll tell you...everything.

Give it a try, Philip.

I'm not feeling up to it just now.

You say that every time. Look, we're short-staffed.

I can't always be there when you fall!

There's no need to raise your voice.

HE SOBS

Sorry, mate.

It's not about you.

What's up, eh?

Come on, you can tell me.

"Better out than in", as my old grand dad used to say.

When we first met, I thought you were a widower.

I am, as good as.

Harry and I were together for 40 years.

Today would have been his birthday.

I feel so ashamed of myself.

You feel ashamed. What about me?

I shouldn't have pushed you, should I?

I've never hurt anybody in my life - wouldn't dream of it.

Just that split second when I didn't put the brakes on, and...

None of this is your fault.

Not only did I behave like a rampant old goat,

but I threatened you to keep quiet. I abused YOU!

I am deeply sorry, Steve.

So am I. I should never have assumed you were guilty.

I was just trying to help.

It's so long since I was touched by tenderness.

He was being so kind.

It might be better for all of us if I were to find somewhere else to live.

Look, this is all an unfortunate misunderstanding.

The only way to resolve this, is to move on.

Isn't that right, Steve?

Yup.

-Apology accepted.

-Are you sure?

-Let's shake on it. Come on.

Come on, better get going.

Don't forget, Queen Mary's holding court at her tea party.

Best bib and tucker.

KNOCK ON DOOR

Right, where were we?

-What's happened?

-You blabbing about our personal business!

I already explained, Karen sussed.

You just couldn't keep your mouth shut, could you?!

I'm sorry if my enthusiasm is so obvious,

cos no one would guess looking at you - you're as miserable as sin.

I'm not miserable, I'm just trying to find my way of dealing with this.

Dealing with it? This is supposed to be an exciting time in our lives

and you're acting like someone's died!

Why aren't you telling anyone? Your mum? Your best friend?

You know what, I'm beginning to wonder if you even want this.

It's hard being on your own when you've lost a partner.

Especially when you're old.

After a lifetime of companionship and love,

suddenly you're expected to do without.

I put all my feelings for Harry into a box and locked it.

"That's the end of that", I thought. And then today...

Silly old fool!

It'll be easier now things are out in the open

They won't be. Steve won't tell anybody.

Why the need for secrecy?

Because I'm doing my best to fit in.

For most people around here, homosexuality is still illegal,

either that or a subject for comedy.

Don't you want to talk about Harry?

Yes, but my sexuality is my own affair.

Of course. Other residents talk about their spouses,

why shouldn't you?

They wouldn't understand.

Have you given them the opportunity?

Philip, you're 75 years old and you can't be yourself -

it's such a pity.

It's my choice.

Indeed...I understand.

You know where to find me.

Thank you, doctor.

-So?

-All amicably resolved.

-Oh. So it's all been swept under the carpet.

-No, not at all.

Doctors, hopeless in a crisis,

only any good for prescribing pills.

Believe me, there IS no crisis.

It doesn't matter, it's all irrelevant now.

-Thanks for the pep talk earlier.

-You're welcome.

-Boosted my ego.

-That's what I like to hear!

So much so, that I'm thinking about phoning my ex.

-Whoa, hold your horses.

-Why?

For starters, making the first move

is tantamount to an admission of guilt.

Thing is, we have unfinished business.

Well, don't go rushing into things.

Actually, when I said "business", I meant just that -

there's money involved.

Even more of a reason to stay well clear.

-But he owes me.

-How much?

A lot.

Well, that changes everything.

-This is for you.

-Thank you very much, you're very kind.

Have the last cream slice, Philip.

I couldn't possibly. I'll already have to loosen my belt.

-You've hardly eaten a thing.

-I'm feeling a bit jittery.

There is something I want to say, you see.

Well, perhaps you should get it out of the way, then we can relax.

-That's a good idea.

-SHE TAPS WINE GLASS

Just to say, I'll miss you all when I leave.

It's been a pleasure knowing you - well, most of you, anyway.

-Ho! Ho!

-We'll miss you too, Mary.

I've made some good friends here, especially Philip.

-In fact, we've become very close.

-In a manner of speaking.

There's something that I want to say to you, dear.

I have very deep feelings for you and I hadn't realised,

until recently, that you returned them.

-Mary...

-We don't have to be apart.

The granny flat's big enough for two.

Penny thinks it's a wonderful idea.

It's a lovely flat. All mod cons...

You're asking me to live with you?

Yes!

You're not being prudish, are you?

I... I thought you'd be pleased. And it would be a wonderful idea.

I shouldn't have said this in public, should I?

Perhaps there is something I should have mentioned before.

Mentioned what?

I bat for the other side.

I take it you're not talking about cricket?

-I'm sorry, Mary...

-Shut up!

Leonard, this is for you,

and you can come and visit me any time you want.

Penny, we've got packing to do. Thank you all for coming.

-Lunch?

-No, thanks.

-Jimmi, I owe you an apology.

-You reckon?

Will you please look at me?

I do want to have a baby, more than anything in the world.

-I've told Mandy about it, she's really excited.

-Really?

Yeah. She can't wait to be an auntie.

So what's been the problem?

It's my mum...

I don't want her to find out before she has to.

She'll haunt us. She'll take over.

Yeah. It'll be more like her baby than ours.

Come here.

You're going to be a great mum. Everything's going to be fine.

You are more than welcome to attend. YOU, Dr Carter. Not you.

No, I got here first.

-I need to get ready.

-For what?

None of your business.

-Then I've got the bathroom first.

-Fine!

SHE COUGHS Please could you...?

No, I could not.

Please, they'll be so disappointed

Fine.

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