The Collectors Doctors


The Collectors

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Transcript


LineFromTo

Can't one of the others do it?

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Well, she's a liability.

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Of course I've talked to her. She keeps messing with the radio.

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I resent having to babysit some know-nothing

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Girl Guide who's never even...

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MUSIC: "Dancing Queen" by Abba

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Fine, but if she loses me my bonus she's walking home.

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# You are the dancing queen... #

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Everything OK, Mr Harris?

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It's just Harris, OK? No "mister".

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I've been doing this job twenty years.

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Going on a course is no substitute for experience.

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You keep your head down and your gob shut.

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And we won't have a problem, capiche? Si.

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I mean...

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..yeah.

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ENGINE ROARS

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There's a funny little man under my desk.

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Make sure you feed him. Anything else is just cruel.

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And my patients are going to find it funny too, being kept waiting?

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Easy, tiger. He's only going to be a few minutes,

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and he'll have to do mine next. Has Zara been in touch?

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More photo's of Joe. He's standing.

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That's great, isn't it?

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Yeah.

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Make mine a large one.

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-What's up?

-I'm calling my ex today.

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I wish you'd tell me what the big deal is.

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You and Aran were inseparable at uni.

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Well, whatever it is you've done, I'm sure he wouldn't want you

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living with cockroaches or doing sex chat lines for a living.

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Never mind. Who's next?

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We're not done yet.

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We're not going to break in?

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Course not. That would be illegal.

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But if someone has been careless... We have the right to peaceful entry.

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It's about your size.

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Unless you want to lift me?

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See, you've proved useful after all.

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Argh! My back! Argh!

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Mr Pixel, how long will you be doing whatever you are doing?

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Is that five hours, five minutes...?

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I need to see a doctor.

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Have you made an appointment?

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No. Sorry, I didn't plan on being in agony.

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Then you will need to take a seat.

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I'm not sitting with all that...argh!

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Maybe it won't be as long as you think.

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Ah. Mrs Tembe.

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Wonderful, you have finished.

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That is a very distinctive badge you are wearing.

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Oh. You want to hear it?

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-# Happy birthday to you... #

-Very tasteful.

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-Look what you did, you clumsy idiot.

-Dr Granger!

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What kind of incompetent moron are you? Blundering around smashing up

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-people's personal property?

-I'm sorry, doctor. I...

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Dr Granger, have you proof of these allegations?

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No-one else has been in there.

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What about the cleaner? Or Mr Bellamy?

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I think you should get your facts straight before you start

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accusing somebody. Especially on their birthday...

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-DOOR SLAMS

-I am so sorry.

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Come on, Jas. How hard can it be?

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-KNOCK ON DOOR

-Come in.

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Can I borrow you? There are some personal details missing off

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-staff registration forms.

-Sure.

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-How's it all going?

-All going to plan.

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Mr Darcus?

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So why did you become a bailiff?

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Why not?

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I so know what you mean.

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Everyone else from uni went off to become social workers or

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teachers, but when I read about this,

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I thought, "There's a career where I could really make a difference."

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These are real people with real problems. Without us they would

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keep spending money.

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We're like a wake-up call - sometimes literally.

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Could you...stop talking?

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It's making my headache worse.

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I thought it was your back?

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It moved.

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Mrs Jurksaitis?

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Do you want to hear it again?

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-# Happy birthday to you... #

-Right, next one!

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Do you think we should buy Mr Pixel a birthday cake?

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Who?

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Mr Pixel is installing the new phones with the intercom feature.

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Doctors will no longer have to walk to reception to

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fetch their patients.

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I often learn more in that little walk than in the entire

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consultation itself.

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Don't we have better things to spend our money on?

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The intercoms add value.

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This way doctors get to spend more time with their patients.

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We should have done it ages ago.

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Actually we should have video phones in our rooms by now,

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and a computerised check-in.

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That all sounds very complicated to me.

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It's all right, Mrs Tembe.

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With a computerised system we won't need you anymore, so...

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-What seems to be the problem?

-Are you kidding?

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Are you experiencing back pain?

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Are you actually a doctor?

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OK, if you'd like to stand up, I'll have a look.

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Argh.

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Can you lean forward and touch your toes?

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I need to assess your mobility.

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-Are you on any medication?

-No.

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OK, take a seat.

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Seems to be muscular. I can prescribe you some painkillers, but

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the best thing you can do is rest up, don't do anything strenuous.

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No chance, I've got doors to bang on.

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You're a delivery man?

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No, I'm the fella who takes it all away again.

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Right...well, no-one will particularly mind

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if you take a couple of days off.

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People have got deadlines they need to meet.

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I can't have them thinking I'm going soft.

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There's no chance of that.

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Painkillers?

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Seriously. Stay home. Make some people happy.

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-Hello, is Aran there, please?

-He doesn't live here anymore.

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-He doesn't?

-No. Sorry.

-When did he move out?

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-About a month ago.

-Do you have an address?

-No, I don't.

-Oh.

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OK.

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-So what are you saving up for?

-What?

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You're worried about not getting your bonus.

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I'm not worried. I never worry.

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Do you have any idea how much money I've got in the bank?

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Well, no.

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I'm not like these idiots.

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I don't blow it on flash trainers or an expensive car I can't afford.

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Maybe you could get something for your wife?

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Or girlfriend?

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Brothers and sisters maybe?

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-I was thinking maybe I could do this one?

-I don't think so.

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I came top of my class in role-play.

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Don't mess it up.

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-Hi.

-Robert Gartside?

-That depends.

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Does it?

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Whether you're looking for me or my son? We have the same name.

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Er...

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..which one of you owes us money?

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Perhaps we could talk about this inside?

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Of course. Come in.

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Would you like a cup of tea?

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-Yes, please.

-No.

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No, thank you.

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Do you mind if we ask a few questions?

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-No telly?

-Never watch it.

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Stereo?

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I have a wireless but it's very old.

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Washing machine? Microwave?

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-Toaster?

-I don't need much.

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My son took them for his new flat.

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So where is this son of yours?

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He visits all the time. When he can get away.

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The thing is, my list says there is a Robert Gartside

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at this address, who owes money.

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Now either you're spinning me a yarn about an imaginary son

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or little Robbie's been a very naughty boy

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and left Daddy in the lurch.

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I don't know what you mean.

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Either way...I don't care.

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The debt needs to be paid.

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How much?

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Twelve grand.

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I haven't got that much.

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What have you got?

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That's a nice-looking train set.

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Thank you.

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I've been collecting since I was a boy.

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I don't have as many as I used to, because...

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But this one is my favourite.

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They don't make them like this anymore.

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I tell you what, Mr Gartside, I will have that cup of tea.

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-Jen?

-Er...

-She'll have the same.

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Right.

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Give us a hand with this.

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What about his son? Shouldn't we be looking for him?

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Right name, right address. We're in a hurry. Giddy-up.

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-No.

-No? What do you mean, no?!

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Oh, for...

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-Hello?

-Daisy, it's Jas.

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Jas! It's been a while!

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I know, break-ups. Who takes custody of the friends?

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But we haven't heard from Aran either.

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Really?

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-No, not for months. Not since he moved out of the flat.

-Right.

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You can't get taken in by every sob story.

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If you want to be a bailiff you want to be tougher than that,

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-and a lot more clever.

-How?

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It's no good asking nicely to come in.

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There are tricks you can use.

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If they say no, you say, "Fair enough, would you mind

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"if I use your phone to call the office?"

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-The tenant lets you in - bingo!

-Does that work?

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You'd be amazed.

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Let me try again. Please. I can do it.

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This one's a student. Probably more on your level.

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-Yeah.

-Richard Wimble? I'm from Black Cat collections agency.

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OK, I understand if that's how you feel but...

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can I use your phone?

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Marvellous.

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I tried my best.

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Course you did.

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You thought of maybe trying something a bit less demanding,

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perhaps babysitting? Argh!

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-Oh, God.

-What's wrong?

-My back! It's gone.

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I think I just need to lie down.

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He's hurt his back. It's true.

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The doctor said this morning he should go home but he wouldn't.

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Please help us. He just needs to lie down.

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-We won't try anything, I promise.

-Argh.

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Thanks, mate. Cheers.

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Let's put him on the chair.

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Nice of you to invite us in.

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You were faking?

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Of course. We'll be taking that laptop. Ta very much.

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Nearly there.

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How'd it go? Your call?

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I'm going to have to ring his parents.

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Are we ready, Mr Pixel?

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Yes, I should say so.

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Dr Carter is not here.

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Then he's in position.

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Ladies and gentlemen, this new technology will revolutionise

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the practice of medicine in this surgery.

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Mrs Tembe, if you please.

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Dr Carter, number four, it's on the list.

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-PHONE BEEPS

-Dr Carter? Are you there? Dr Carter?

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Try again.

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-PHONE BEEPS

-Dr Carter? Are you there? Dr Carter?

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-Mr Pixel?

-What are you looking at?

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Try Daniel instead, number six, he's on the list.

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PHONE BEEPS

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Dr Granger? Are you there? Dr Granger?

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What do you want? I didn't ring anyone. I'm with a patient.

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-FEEDBACK

-Mr Pixel?

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Right you are.

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You never intended to let me do it on my own.

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-Do you blame me?

-You know, you're right.

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Doing a course is no substitute for on-the-job experience.

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If you knew what the job actually entailed...

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Isn't that what you want? To scare me off?

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Fine. I don't think you're up to it. You're not tough enough.

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If you don't let me try

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then you'll never be able to prove you were right.

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This one's all yours.

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You promise not to interfere?

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-Cross my heart.

-If you've got one.

-Don't push it.

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DOG BARKS

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Mrs Chandar? It's Jas.

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Don't worry. We'll tell the office no-one was here.

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I hope you get better soon.

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I know what you're going to say.

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But that woman is in a terrible position.

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She's not been able to work since the accident.

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Her husband walked out on her.

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I think it's sad that you're so cynical.

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I think more people should be like me in this job, you know,

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a little more trusting, a little more human. There! I said it.

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Are you done?

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I think so.

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Come with me.

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Mrs Chandar, I know I humiliated your son...

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in front of all those people.

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But...Mrs Chandar, I need to talk to Aran.

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No...because...because...

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..he owes me some money.

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Mrs Chandar, are you still there?

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You have a nerve calling me!

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Mrs Chandar, please stop shouting.

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Mrs Chandar, Mrs Chandar, there's no need for that...

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# Happy birthday to you

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# Happy birthday to you... #

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Sorry. It caught on the desk.

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Is it safe to come out now?

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She's addicted to catalogue shopping.

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I've been here before banging on the door

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while she's getting stuff delivered.

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They're all the same, the people on this list.

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Gamblers, drinkers, addicts, benefit cheats.

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My dad was the same.

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He got lucky on the horses one Christmas and got me an Atari.

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Games console.

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Come home from school two weeks later,

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and he'd sold it to buy booze.

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When I asked him why...

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..he gave me a slap.

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There's no place for conscience in this game,

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and the sooner you learn that the better.

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Come on. We can catch her up.

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I will just see if Dr Khella is ready to see you now.

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PHONE BEEPS Hello?

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Sorry, Dr Clay, I must have pressed the wrong button.

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No problem, Mrs Tembe.

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Now if you drop your trousers and let's take a look...

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Dr Clay?

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-Hmm. That is a lot bigger than last time I saw it...

-Dr Clay?!

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One button to talk and one button to stop talking. Dr Clay?!

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-Do you mind if I insert my finger?

-Dr Clay...

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Sorry about that. Please take a seat.

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Everybody lies. Learn to trust your instincts.

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If it sounds like a pork pie,

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and it smells like a pork pie, then it's probably going to be...

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What's that?

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Foot-spa.

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-That's my yacht paid for, then.

-Mr...

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..Harris.

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I heard what you were saying about me on the phone earlier.

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And you were right, I was clueless.

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But I'm going to learn, and I'll get tougher.

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Good.

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So I think we should go back for the train set.

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-Eh?

-Mr Gartside. Then you'll have done

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everyone on the list and you'll definitely get your bonus.

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You don't think we should search for his son?

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You're right, everybody lies. And it's not our problem anyway.

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Right, let's get a move on, then.

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Remember us, Mr Gartside? We need to talk about your finances.

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-It's not a good time.

-Fine.

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Do you mind if we use your phone to call the office?

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There's the telephone.

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Thanks very much, we'll be taking that.

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What?

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I'm sorry, Mr Gartside, I misled you.

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And now that you've let us into your house we are within our rights

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to confiscate items adding up to the amount of your debt.

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But I don't have anything.

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That's not strictly true, is it?

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You can't!

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Where are the trains?

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-Have you hidden them?

-No.

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Don't lie to us, Mr Gartside.

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I'm not. I didn't.

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You haven't got a visitor, Mr Gartside?

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No.

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-Mr Gartside!

-Robbie! No!

-DOOR SLAMS

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-PHONE BEEPS

-Dr Tyler, are you there? Dr Tyler?

0:20:110:20:17

-Yes, Mrs Tembe?

-Oh!

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Sorry. I was sitting in my office, twiddling my thumbs,

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I thought I'd pop in and see if we had any patients?

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I am so sorry, Dr Tyler, we seem to be having one or two problems.

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-Let me take a look.

-That is very kind of you.

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# Happy birthday to you... #

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If I never hear that song again it will be too soon.

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I know exactly what you mean.

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Every time I hear it,

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I half expect Mr Pixel to pop up from behind the furniture.

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MR PIXEL GROANS

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# Happy birthday to you

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# Happy birthday to you

0:20:550:20:58

# Happy birthday

0:20:580:21:00

# Happy birthday to you

0:21:000:21:03

# Happy birthday to you

0:21:030:21:06

# Happy birthday

0:21:060:21:09

# Happy... #

0:21:090:21:10

You've got to be kidding. What did you do to him?

0:21:110:21:13

-He fell.

-What about these other bruises?

0:21:130:21:15

-He was like that when we got here.

-You expect me to believe that?

0:21:150:21:19

Why didn't you call an ambulance?

0:21:190:21:21

Are you going to look after him, or what?

0:21:210:21:22

-Mr Gartside? I'm Dr Granger. How are you feeling?

-OK.

0:21:220:21:27

I need to examine my patient.

0:21:270:21:29

If you two vultures could leave, please.

0:21:290:21:31

Did they do this?

0:21:370:21:38

Robbie.

0:21:380:21:40

Your son?

0:21:400:21:42

He came for my trains. He took everything else.

0:21:430:21:47

-There goes our bonus.

-You're unbelievable.

0:21:520:21:56

You said his son didn't exist. "Another sob story," you said.

0:21:560:22:00

So?

0:22:000:22:02

We're no better than he is - taking from a helpless old man.

0:22:020:22:06

How can you not feel bad about that?

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You know what? You're just like your dad.

0:22:110:22:14

No, I'm not. You don't mention my dad, right?

0:22:140:22:18

Come on. We're not going to get anything here.

0:22:190:22:21

I don't think I want to be a bailiff anymore.

0:22:210:22:24

If this is what it's like, not caring, not trusting anyone.

0:22:240:22:29

Sitting on your big pot of money with no-one to spend it on.

0:22:290:22:32

I'd rather be unemployed.

0:22:320:22:34

How is he?

0:22:380:22:39

A bump to the head is the least of his worries, so just keep away, OK?

0:22:390:22:42

He's got nothing to give you, he's not even feeding himself.

0:22:420:22:46

It's the son you need to look for.

0:22:460:22:48

That's what he said.

0:22:480:22:49

If you bother him I'll hear about it.

0:22:510:22:53

# Happy birthday to you

0:23:140:23:16

# Happy birthday to you... #

0:23:160:23:19

Mr Pixel, will you please turn off that music?

0:23:190:23:23

It is most annoying.

0:23:230:23:24

# Happy birthday to you... #

0:23:290:23:32

Mr Pixel!

0:23:320:23:33

This is a place of work not a children's party.

0:23:330:23:37

# Happy birthday to you... #

0:23:420:23:44

Right, that is it.

0:23:440:23:46

Mr Pixel, I don't know what you think you are...?

0:23:470:23:51

Mr Pixel?

0:23:520:23:54

Mr Pixel!

0:23:540:23:55

Calling all doctors! I need some help in Dr Carter's room.

0:23:580:24:02

Please come quickly.

0:24:020:24:03

Mr Pixel. Help is on its way.

0:24:050:24:08

Mr Pixel, can you hear me?

0:24:080:24:09

Hello. Hello. He's unresponsive. There's no pulse. Grab the defib.

0:24:090:24:14

I will call an ambulance.

0:24:140:24:15

-MACHINE:

-Connect electrode.

0:24:310:24:32

-MACHINE:

-Analysing now. Stand clear.

0:24:350:24:38

-MACHINE:

-Stand clear.

-Clear. Push to shock.

0:24:430:24:46

-Nothing.

-Shock again.

0:24:490:24:52

-MACHINE:

-Stand clear. Push to shock.

-Clear.

0:24:550:24:58

I've got an output.

0:25:020:25:04

The ambulance is on its way.

0:25:040:25:06

The intercom claims its first victim.

0:25:070:25:09

If it wasn't for the intercom,

0:25:090:25:11

Mrs Tembe wouldn't have been able to have called for help so quickly.

0:25:110:25:14

If we weren't wasting money on intercoms

0:25:140:25:17

he wouldn't be here in the first place.

0:25:170:25:19

Yes, he would have had his heart attack somewhere else,

0:25:190:25:22

somewhere that wasn't a doctor's surgery.

0:25:220:25:24

Mrs Tembe, can you put in a call to

0:25:280:25:29

the elderly persons' health visitor, please?

0:25:290:25:31

Is Mr Gartside not coping?

0:25:310:25:33

At the very least he should be getting meals on wheels.

0:25:330:25:36

I know they're stretched. And it'll take... Is that Mr Pixel?

0:25:360:25:40

He has had a heart attack.

0:25:400:25:42

-Is he...?

-He is going to be fine.

0:25:420:25:44

But if you feel that concerned maybe you could send him a get well card.

0:25:440:25:48

Mr Gartside.

0:25:570:26:00

Mind if I come in?

0:26:000:26:01

I've got something for you.

0:26:030:26:04

Thank you.

0:26:070:26:08

I could do with a sit down, my back's killing me.

0:26:100:26:12

Are there any of those left?

0:26:180:26:20

Sorry.

0:26:210:26:22

What happened with Aran?

0:26:230:26:26

No-one knows where he is.

0:26:260:26:27

Seriously?

0:26:270:26:29

I rang all our mates. Unless they're lying for him.

0:26:290:26:31

And his parents won't talk?

0:26:310:26:33

Not in my lifetime.

0:26:330:26:34

So now what?

0:26:340:26:36

I forget about it. Get the money some other way.

0:26:360:26:39

Are you sure this is just about the money?

0:26:390:26:41

What else would it be?

0:26:410:26:43

Oh, I don't know.

0:26:430:26:44

Maybe you still haven't got over whatever it is that happened.

0:26:440:26:47

You are way off.

0:26:470:26:49

Am I?

0:26:490:26:51

I don't like not knowing where he is. But that's it.

0:26:510:26:54

You sure you're still not in love with him?

0:26:540:26:57

-Shut up.

-All right. I was just asking.

0:26:570:27:00

I think you can tell a lot by the way a man dresses.

0:27:080:27:11

-And what do waistcoats tell you?

-Depends on the waistcoat.

0:27:110:27:14

And the man.

0:27:140:27:15

Chloe was looking after you when your mum was in hospital.

0:27:150:27:17

That's what she wanted us to think. She killed my mum.

0:27:170:27:21

Do I smell a touch of romance in the air?

0:27:210:27:24

There better not be.

0:27:240:27:25

Look, we have to do this so try and be professional,

0:27:250:27:28

if you can manage that.

0:27:280:27:29

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