Wide of the Mark Doctors

No. I can't talk now - I'm driving.

I'll be in shortly.

Yeah. OK. Bye.

CAR BEEPS HORN

-Mum!

-Sorry.

SCHOOL BELL RINGS

-Oh. Have you remembered your PE bag?

-Too late now if I didn't.

Great, thanks, Mum! How many times do I have to ask you?

Keep your hands to yourself!

Sorry.

I've got to go.

See you tonight then, love.

DOOR OPENS

-Hello.

-Morning. Morning, Valerie.

Morning, Chris.

Oh, Chris, I'm just going to make some tea, would you like a cup?

I'd love one, please.

How do you like it, white with one - like your mum?

Yes, actually...but it's not genetic.

Not like medical talent.

Do you know, I've worked with a lot of father/son doctor teams,

-but this is my first mother/son.

-Except I'm not a doctor.

-What? I didn't say it.

-Medical teams then.

Isn't it lovely to see family working together?

Yeah.

Good morning, Patricia.

Good morning, Sister Vincent. I didn't hear you coming.

The chapel looks as lovely as always,

it's a pity we can't afford to pay you to come every day.

I could come more often, I don't mind doing it for nothing.

Oh, nonsense.

And how's your health? Have you got over that nasty cold?

Yes. Thanks, Sister, all gone.

-And how are things at home?

-Good.

Is Kim falling behind in maths again?

No, not at all. And he's happy here, at St Mac's is he?

Yes. Yes, of course.

We haven't seen him at mass since Christmas.

I've had trouble getting him out of bed on Sunday mornings.

He insists that teenagers have a biological right to sleep in -

something to do with circadian rhythms.

Adolescents. You have to firm with them.

Well, I'd better get on.

Of course, I'm interrupting you.

Not at all, Sister. Thank you for your time.

PHONE RINGS

'Hello?'

Hi. How are you?

Fine. Why are you calling?

Um, well, I was wondering if we could catch up tonight?

-Why?

-Um...

There were a few things that we missed - loose ends.

I thought we settled everything last week.

No. No, we didn't.

'Are you free tonight?'

-Yes, but...

-How about 6:30?

Why can't we just talk now, on the phone?

Um... I can't. I've got a patients waiting.

'I'll text you the place, 6:30, OK?'

All right. Bye. Thanks.

Mrs Tembe?

No. Oh. You're... Right... My name is Valerie Pitman.

Mrs Tembe's on holiday. Can I help you?

Oh, yes, she did mention something about that.

I'm sorry, I don't have an appointment,

Mrs Tembe normally just squeezes me in.

Right. We are very busy today, so what's your visit about?

I don't think I want to go into that.

It's just that there are no doctors free

-so is it something a nurse could help with?

-Hmm, possibly.

And it would have to be a male nurse today.

-Is he a young man?

-Yes, early 20s.

That would be perfect.

It suits you to see a young, male nurse?

I'll take a seat then, shall I?

Of course.

I'll call you when Nurse Reid is ready.

I'm sorry, even for a routine prescription such as Cocodamol

you'd need to see a doctor, or at least give us some advance notice.

How bad have your headaches been?

No worse than usual. I'll come back tomorrow.

I know it seems petty for a repeat, but that's the rules, I'm afraid.

Is there something else I can help you with?

I've got a son, he's 14.

-Sorry, this is very awkward for me.

-Go on.

It's something I need to speak to a man about,

someone who remembers what it's like to be a teenager.

Sadly, I think I can help with that.

Go on.

He won't let me touch him anymore.

Ah. Now, that cut looks rather nasty.

Would you mind telling me how you got it?

I walked into a door.

I wasn't born yesterday, Kim. I know you're being bullied.

I want to know who did this.

I slipped on something mum spilt and crashed into the door in the dark.

Oh?

She never turns on any lights.

It's totally hazardous living with a blind mother.

-Can I go to lunch now, Sister?

-Yes.

It sounds pretty normal to me.

I was pretty shy about my body when I was a teenager.

You don't understand.

I raised him by touch, I fed him by touch,

played games with him by touch.

I even taught him to read Braille.

Touch is how I navigate and communicate, and he knows that.

-Right.

-It's not about him being shy, it's about rejecting me.

Maybe he's just asserting his boundaries.

No.

It's something more than that, I can feel it.

If I didn't have a sixth sense,

he'd have run rings around me ever since he was a toddler.

Perhaps it's something medical I can't see.

I've been reading about these teenagers

-who start to sweat profusely.

-That would be very unusual.

Maybe he's got confused, thinks it's not right or something.

That people might think it's strange me touching him.

I don't know.

It was just so sudden.

And he hasn't said why?

No, just that it was something he must do

and that I've got to accept that.

Has he got someone he can talk to?

His father or his uncle?

I would talk to our priest, he's always been a great comfort to me,

but ever since that Dawkins fellow, Kim's declared himself an atheist.

Is there a youth club or anything nearby?

No.

He's not a joiner.

Actually, one of the Sisters tried to talk to me

about Kim this morning.

What did she have to say?

I'm not sure, Kim doesn't like her so I didn't want to draw her out.

I was probably quite rude.

You see, it would have been disloyal to discuss him with her.

Well, a nun probably isn't the best person to turn to

for advice on teenage boys.

That's why I have come to you.

Have you got a minute?

Sure.

I need a repeat prescription for this patient, you saw her last.

It's just Cocodamol for her headaches.

Valerie couldn't fit her in with a doctor, so I said I'd help her out.

-Is she still here? I could see her now.

-No. She's left,

she was in a hurry. I said I'd drop it round later.

-Mum, it's just painkiller.

-I could call her.

Mum, it's just a run of the mill prescription -

-hand it over, will you?

-No, I won't.

And would you speak to another doctor like that?

No. Sorry.

It's potentially addictive.

It's not that long since her last prescription.

The headaches, they could be increasing in intensity,

or they might be a symptom of something else.

You don't think I asked her that?

HE SIGHS OK. Look, it's just a ruse.

She doesn't need a prescription, she just wants me to go round

to talk to her 14-year-old son.

I was going to pop by with this this evening as an excuse.

-What's wrong with the son?

-You don't need to know that, Mum.

-Well, I'm not happy about it.

-Just trust my judgment, please?

All right, if you let me buy you lunch.

Deal.

Stop!

I'll have the chicken, please, the special.

Are you not having a starter?

OK. I'll have the rocket salad to start.

And I'll have a glass of the house red, please.

-Would you like one?

-Not for me.

Wine at lunch?

We're celebrating.

Everyone's been saying how well you're settling in.

You've done really well.

Great.

-And?

-Nothing.

Except you could tell me why you are visiting one of my patients.

I do have first-hand experience of difficult 14-year-olds, you know.

Especially sulky ones.

As far as I can remember, you weren't around much when I was 14.

What was it that French feminist said, Bad-something, Badinter?

"Mothers can't win, they are always either too present or too absent."

That's so true - too present or too absent.

Sometimes I feel like I am walking on a tightrope with you.

Why did the tightrope walker enter the bank?

I thought you'd grown out of these.

He wanted to check his balance.

SHE LAUGHS

Have you changed?

I managed to get lunch all over my top.

-New trousers?

-Well, they didn't match.

Aran's decided to meet up then?

Yeah. I don't know what we are going to talk about.

I made up some story about loose ends.

What do you want to talk about?

Women are weird.

Can you remember who designed St Paul's?

-Christopher Wren.

-Thanks.

-Do you need a lift?

-No, I'll walk.

The Feldmans are in Sutton Verney, it's a long walk.

-It'll only take me half an hour.

-Suit yourself.

Haven't you got training tonight?

-Thanks. See you at home.

-Don't you want me to come in?

-What? I'm very good with people!

-And I'm not?

I didn't mean it like that.

-Mum, she came to me for help, not you.

-I know, but...

This is impossible.

Are you going to poke your nose into all my patients' business?

Remember your French lady? "Too present"!

Don't wait, OK?

DOORBELL RINGS

Can you get that for me, darling?

Mum, it'll just be someone offering double glazing again.

Please?

Hi. I'm from The Mill Health Centre,

I've come to drop off your mother's prescription.

-Oh, OK.

-You must be Kim. Is your mother in?

-Yeah.

-Can I come in?

That's a nasty cut you've got there, mate.

Has anyone taken a look at that for you?

-A cut? How did you get a cut?

-Playing rugby.

You hate rugby. Were you in a fight?

It's nothing, I'm fine.

Is this why you wouldn't let me touch you? What was the fight about?

They were teasing me about you, of course - my blind,

religious nutter of a mother who still walks me to school!

Hey, calm down.

Why don't I take a look at that cut? Cos that needs a proper dressing.

Mrs Feldman, do you mind if we use your kitchen?

Shall we sit?

No. Let's just get a drink at the bar, yeah?

-Sorry, I'm starving.

-OK.

Are you really being bullied because of your mum?

Being different is nothing to be ashamed of.

You mean, being gay?

Maybe.

I'm not gay.

Although... I don't think I am.

I certainly don't fancy any of those numpties at school.

But you are being bullied by them?

They caught me shopping for girl's clothing.

I tried to say they were for Mum, but no-one believed me.

She dresses like a nun.

Your mum's worried about you.

If she was that worried about me, she'd let me change schools.

Have you told her why you want to change?

I can't talk to her about this stuff.

She's been brainwashed by the church.

She's always talking about "unnatural" behaviour.

She'd think I'd gone to the devil.

She doesn't know the difference between cross-dressing

and S&M bondage - it's all the same to her.

You could explain it, mate. She's probably just frightened.

People hold onto these prejudices they think they believe in,

then someone important challenges them

and they realise they don't really care.

Not my mum, the church is her whole world.

No. Sorry, mate, I don't think that's true.

DOORBELL RINGS You're her whole world.

And how's your sister?

You're going to ask about my cousins next.

Cut the small talk, Jas, what do you have to say?

OK...

The night before the wedding, I think I made a mistake.

Mistake?

You completely turned on the idea of getting married.

You said the statistics were against us - there we no guarantees.

Two of my colleagues have just split up in spectacular fashion.

But you said you weren't even sure you loved me.

It was just cold feet.

I didn't expect you to cancel the wedding.

What was I supposed to do?

It's one thing to be a realist and say you might not always love me -

though what the vows are there for I don't know - but to say you weren't

even sure you loved me there and then, the night before the wedding?

Of course I had to cancel it.

Here he is! Kim, Sister Vincent claims that you've been shoplifting.

I suspect there's been some kind of misunderstanding.

Have those bullies been forcing you?

Look at his injury, Sister, see what they've done to him.

Yes. I suspected he was being bullied,

that's why I followed him from school.

-You were spying on me?

-Kim...

This is Chris, he's a nurse from The Mill Health Centre,

he'll tell you the problem's bullying - not shoplifting.

Kim, tell Sister Vincent what's been going on.

-What on earth are you wearing, boy?

-What's that got to do with anything?

If it was just shoplifting, I could probably believe it.

Children do all sorts of silly things - testing the boundaries.

But wearing women's clothes?

Congratulations, Mum, you've finally got with the program.

Your son's a cross-dressing freak,

and what are you going to do about it?

That'll be a challenge for you and your medieval cult.

Watch your language.

Are you going to burn me at the stake? Excommunicate me?

Exorcise me?

Kim!

I'll go after him.

What are you still doing here?

He ran off towards the park. Did I see a nun go in?

Yes, she didn't help. His mum just slapped him.

-Why?

-The kid's been cross dressing at home,

refusing to let his mum touch him so she wouldn't find out.

This nun turns up, starts accusing him of shoplifting.

The poor woman doesn't know what's going on,

and it all got a little out of control.

Will you go in there,

try and get this nun to back off the judgemental stuff?

Work your charm?

I'm not sure I know how to charm a nun.

I've been thinking about our traditions,

the Maiya, the confinement.

I know the whole not changing clothes for days is a bit much,

but I can see the sense in being separated before the big day now.

Most cultures have some sort of custom to keep the bride

and groom apart,

maybe it's so you that can't talk each other out of it?

So now you are saying we should have listened to our parents?

Yeah.

BOTH LAUGH

Don't worry.

Hello? Sorry to barge in, it's Dr Reid.

The door was wide open.

I gave a lift to my colleague and he thought I might be able to help.

How are you, Patricia?

I'm OK, Doctor. Um, Sister Vincent, this is my doctor.

Emma, please, I'm not on duty. Shall we sit?

Chris is out looking for your son now.

Is it dark yet?

No, not yet, but I'm sure he won't have got far.

-I shouldn't have hit him.

-You had good reason.

I just felt so stupid, everyone else knowing what he was wearing,

and I was completely oblivious.

Mother's are the last to know about everything.

I felt humiliated.

Well, he's the one who should have felt humiliated.

I'm thankful you didn't see it, Patricia.

He had a sparkly dress on.

Dressing up is a valid form of self-expression -

wouldn't you say, Sister?

I remember my son desperately asking me for a Barbie doll one Christmas.

Did he turn out to be...?

No, but it wouldn't have mattered if he had - he's my son.

Don't worry, Patricia, he'll grow out of it.

He hasn't had the guidance he's needed.

What do you mean?

We need to get him back in the church.

One of the fathers will take him under their wing.

I've involved that young male nurse, and I'd rather he helped Kim.

Father O'Brien specialises in these matters.

Father O'Brien is a good priest...but he's not right for Kim.

I think you should trust our judgement on these matters.

Chris is a very capable professional, I'm sure he can help.

So you think it's a medical, not spiritual matter?

I think it's a private matter, one for Patricia

and Kim to work through as they see fit.

I shouldn't have taunted her like that,

I'm worse than those bullies.

I think you both felt under attack, and that sister didn't help.

Poor Mum, it'll be all around the parish by tomorrow.

A priest will be knocking on the door in the morning,

trying to get me into confession,

though I'm not sure wearing a dress is actually a sin.

Well, the priest wears one, doesn't he?

She'll be so ashamed.

People have survived much bigger scandals.

Your mum seems to have lived a pretty sheltered life?

Cloistered is the word.

Maybe the church has been a safe place for her in the past,

but I know that now, she'd rather be challenged than lose you.

I dunno.

Your mum asked me to come and speak to you,

she wanted to find out why you weren't letting her touch you.

I said it was pretty normal for your age

and for her not to worry, but she sensed there was more to it.

When I was a kid, she used to say she had a "special radar".

It was really hard for her to ask a complete stranger for help.

I know...but the way she thinks, she's not going to accept me.

Trust me, she'll get used to it.

You think she can handle it?

Mothers don't really have a choice, mate.

No matter how much you try and push them away,

they'll still look after you, care about you,

and try and be in every part of your life.

They're hardwired for all that sort of stuff,

whether they like it or not.

The house was all decorated, my mum went around pulling down garlands,

saying over and over again, "It felt like someone had died."

My Dad wouldn't talk to me for over a month,

it got so tense I had to go stay with Rosie.

I think the hardest thing was, I couldn't explain it to them.

I think it was just too humiliating to tell them it was

cos you didn't love me anymore.

-That's not true.

-So I made up all sorts of excuses,

in the hope they would latch onto one of them.

What did you tell yours?

The truth, that I was worried about the future,

of not loving you always.

Isn't that the same thing as not loving me enough?

No, I don't think it is.

The henna stayed on for over two weeks and, towards the end,

I stopped washing my hands because I didn't want it to disappear.

When the last bits wore off, I cried my heart out.

I am so sorry I hit you.

It's OK, Mum.

What about the shoplifting? It is stealing.

If you could leave the shop's details,

we'll go and talk to them in the morning.

If it wasn't for the school's standing in the community

the police would already be involved.

I had to work very hard to convince them...

I bet you were more concerned about the school's reputation than mine.

Kim! I'm sure Sister Vincent did her best, you should be grateful.

Like I should be grateful to be at that archaic school on charity?

Well, I'm not - and I'm not going back.

You will do what you are told.

He's been asking to leave for months, and now he's being bullied.

Oh, nonsense, we'll sort that out in the morning.

And then we'll go and see Father O'Brien, and he can give Kim

guidance on...that other matter.

And we'll meet in my office after roll call.

No. I'm sorry, but we won't be there.

All I have heard from you this evening has been disapproval,

and that's not the right approach.

-But we can cure him.

-Of what? Who he is?

Thank you all for your help, but it's getting very late.

But, Patricia, we need to discuss this further.

We can see ourselves out. Can I offer you a lift, Sister?

There's no need, it's only a short walk... I'm not happy.

Are you sure I can't offer you that lift, it's very nippy out?

-Good night, Doctor.

-Good night.

-Goodnight, Sister Vincent.

-Good night, Patricia, for now.

That could do with a new dressing in a few days -

-will you pop into the surgery?

-Yeah, thanks.

DOOR CLOSES

I thought I was fooling you,

but I should have remembered you had a "special radar".

Tough customer, that penguin. You did well.

I thought we made a good team.

So you want a lift to training, then?

OK.

Thanks for coming.

I... I know for sure now that I did make a mistake.

Jas, don't.

Nothing's changed, I still love you.

I can't do this.

You want me to grass on Tyrone?

The bitch. How bad is she?

The only options I can see is,

they either make you full-time or they extend Emma's contract,

so get onto Howard and sell yourself.

I think perhaps we should reward experience.

Well, it's a no-brainer.

This morning, you owed me, but now, I owe you.

You have to get over Cherry.

I am.

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