The First Among Equals Doctors


The First Among Equals

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Transcript


LineFromTo

I said, "I can't possibly see him this afternoon."

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I've got a Shiatsu at four. Other than that, I'm positively drowning.

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-Can I get a coffee, please?

-The line starts here!

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I want a macchiato, soya milk and an extra shot.

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Honestly, Saskia, trying to get anything approaching decent

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service in this town is impossible...

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And a skinny blueberry muffin. What?

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Darling, you'd never make it.

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We're so far north of Watford it's like another planet.

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Have you finished?

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Saskia, I'll call you back after my meeting.

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Can I get some full fat milk, please - from a cow.

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And one of those sticky bun things.

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-Cheers.

-Can you let your manager know I want to discuss

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the catering for the event this evening?

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PHONES RING

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-Hello?

-Hello?

-Valerie?

-Christine?

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-What's wrong?

-What's happened? Typical!

-You're kidding.

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-I'm having breakfast.

-It's my morning off.

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-You'll just have to deal with it.

-Yes, of course I'm coming.

-Bye.

-Bye.

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Can I get this in a takeout cup? I've got to go.

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It pays to delegate, you know.

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Have you got a paracetamol or something?

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I've got a head like a bear's botty.

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I thought you were going to have an early night before the interview.

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-I was on a promise.

-Who to?

-New barmaid in the Grapes,

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said she'd show me her puppies. I'm serious.

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She's just had a litter.

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Oh, crikey, look at that. Oh, I'm going to go blind working here!

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Girls love a man in uniform - fact.

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That's assuming you get the job.

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Barry's not exactly a normal bloke, I did warn you.

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-How do I look?

-Knackered.

-Thanks a bunch!

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-Don't blow it, Franklyn.

-You sound like my dad. See you later.

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Yeah, just you keep walking, pal.

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BEEPING

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Valerie, that's it.

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Sorry, but it just keeps beeping.

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Could you call the alarm company, please?

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I'll get back to the rest of my morning off.

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This is the last thing I need. I've got Mrs Tembe back off hols today.

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Don't worry your pretty head - I'll sort this.

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I've got an interview just now, but I'll be back later.

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You're going for another job?

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No, I'm conducting the interview.

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It's a huge responsibility, but one which I take fully in my stride.

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I've never been very good at interviews... I get all flustered.

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Well, let's hope my candidate takes these

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things as seriously as I do - I don't take prisoners.

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Hello?

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Anybody home? Shop?!

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-D'you work here, darling?

-Um, yes.

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Right, well, I want to see a doc. I haven't got an appointment.

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That's OK. We operate a drop-in service.

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There are a couple of people ahead of you... Sorry.

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Do I know you from somewhere?

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I don't think so. Where's your lav?

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I've got terrible IBS today.

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Downstairs.

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Hi! I'm Franklyn Ward. I'm here for the interview.

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That's right...

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Which starts at half past nine.

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But it's...

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Right.

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Mrs Tembe!

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Good morning, Miss Pitman.

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How was Portugal?

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Oh, very relaxing, thank you.

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I've prepared a checklist for you, it just covers some

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of the minor administrative matters that cropped up in your absence.

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Miss Pitman, I have only just walked through the door.

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Let me put the kettle on, and then we can have a proper catch-up.

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I am sure you have everything under control.

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Well, well, if it isn't old Miss Snotty Knickers!

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What is she doing here?

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Come in, Mr Ward.

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If you'd like to take a seat.

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Thanks. Ooh, nice office.

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My name is Barry Bigelow.

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I'm interviewing you today for the post of temporary security officer

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at Letherbridge University Security.

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Just so you're aware,

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I will be recording this interview for training purposes.

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Right.

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For the benefit of the tape, would you state your full name, please?

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Uh, Franklyn Ward.

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Have you got a criminal record, Mr Ward?

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I've got Agadoo by Black Lace - does that count?

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-This better be good, Valerie.

-Are you in charge here?

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I'm Howard Bellamy - practice manager.

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-Mrs Carr here...

-Miss Carr!

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Was taken off the list at the Mill after repeated warnings.

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I tried to explain that both surgeries are affiliated.

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That stuck-up cow Julia Parsons has had me blacklisted.

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Why don't we find somewhere more private to talk about this?

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So you can brush it under the carpet?

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You constantly missed appointments. You were rude and confrontational.

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-Well, nothing has changed there.

-Mrs Tembe.

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I had a drug problem, darling. I gave my own mother what-for.

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I'm sorry, Miss Carr, but if you were taken off the patient

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list at the Mill, then there's nothing I can do.

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You done this on purpose!

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-I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

-Oh, I'm going.

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I'm giving an interview this afternoon with one of the red tops,

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and I'm damn sure I'm going to mention how you treated me.

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As if the press would be interested in anything she has to say.

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I'll be in my office if there's any more dramas.

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I'm sure I've seen her somewhere before.

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Oh! Let's get back to the checklist.

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I've been looking forward to this all morning.

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Oh, and I mustn't forget to give you these invitations.

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I'm having a Halloween party tomorrow night.

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I wondered if you'd hand out all the invites to everyone at the Mill?

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There's one for you as well. It's just a bit of fun.

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Are there any reasons why you haven't been able to

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stay in one job for more than three months?

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I, uh... I keep on getting headhunted.

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Look, I've always wanted to work in security.

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Well, there's the matter of the CRB check.

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Already there. I did a stint as a Redcoat on Barry Island.

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No, I don't think you're what we're looking for.

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That's not what the SAS said.

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What?

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Me and Jimmi Clay, we did an SAS survival course on Anglesey.

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And Dr Clay can corroborate all this?

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Too right he can.

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Come in.

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Howard, I'm not disturbing you, am I?

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Valerie? You disturb me? Never.

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It's just that I knew I'd seen that Moira Carr somewhere before.

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She's set up a charity to help kids get off drugs.

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"Moira Carr, a recovered heroin, addict told hundreds of Letherbridge

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"schoolchildren yesterday how she ruined her life with drugs,

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"urging them not to follow a similar path.

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"Now Moira aims to take her campaign to the national media

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"and television."

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And we showed her the door.

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-Thank you, Mr Clarke.

-Thank you.

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Can I have a word?

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-How was Barry?

-Like a week's worth of constipation.

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-I did warn you.

-Jimmi, you know you said you'd be my referee?

-Did I?

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-The thing is, I might have told Barry a few porky pies.

-Franklyn!

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I said you'd corroborate my story.

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PHONE RINGS

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Hello?

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Barry. Hi, how are you?

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Hello?

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Ah, Miss Carr. Howard Bellamy - Campus surgery.

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Oh, yeah. What do you want?

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Well, I just wanted to apologise for asking you to leave the building.

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I've just been reading about your charity work.

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You've changed your tune. Worried I'll slag you off to the papers?

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I'm sorry if I jumped to the wrong conclusion but, to be fair,

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you were being rather abrupt with my reception staff.

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Yeah. I suppose.

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I have got a gob on me - I'll give you that.

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I work with a charity myself, helping ex-servicemen -

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some of them get hooked on drugs. I wondered if you'd be interested

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in talking to them about some of your experiences?

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Hmm, if you think it'll help.

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And you're welcome to re-register at either practice.

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Why don't you pop in this afternoon?

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Oh, I can't today.

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It takes three bus rides to get to your place, and I'm not well.

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Well, there must be a surgery nearer home.

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There is, Cumberland House - I'm blacklisted there, too.

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Well, maybe I can help.

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I know the practice manager at Cumberland House

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and he owes me a favour.

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Why don't you let me speak to him on your behalf?

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All right.

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An SAS survival course?

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It's called thinking on your feet.

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Well, fortunately for you, he must be some sort of military nut because

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apparently he liked it.

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Apparently he's got a "balaclava and all the equipment."

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PHONE RINGS

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Hello? Talk of the devil.

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All right there, Bazza...

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Yeah, I meant Mr Bigelow.

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What's that?

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Well, I don't know.

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I'll just have to check my diary. Give me a sec.

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Actually, I do have a window free this afternoon.

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Great. Yeah, see you then.

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He wants me to start immediately. Nice one, Jimbo!

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Just remember, I've stuck my neck out for you.

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Don't do anything stupid.

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He who dares, wins, mate.

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Excuse me, where can I find the practice manager?

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Upstairs.

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I'll call you back.

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Haven't you heard of knocking?

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-I'm here to see Hugo.

-Got an appointment?

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I didn't think I needed one - I've known Hugo for ages.

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I'm Howard Bellamy of the Mill Health Centre and Campus surgery.

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YOU'RE Howard Bellamy. I'm Holly, Hugo's daughter.

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I've been meaning to drop by and introduce myself.

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-Is Hugo around?

-No.

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He's disappeared off to Phnom Penh with his Thai bride.

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I'm in charge now. Why don't I show you round?

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We're in the middle of renovations...

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I'm here about a patient, Moira Carr.

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She's been taken off the list at our surgery and

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would prefer to be part of this practice.

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Oh, I see, trying to palm the dregs of your patient list onto me?

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That's very naughty.

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Actually, Moira's a reformed heroin addict.

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She's set up a charitable initiative on the estate to help get

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kids off drugs. I know how much Hugo likes to support local

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charities - I thought he'd be interested.

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Oh, gosh, of course. Hugo's motto has always been "the patient is king".

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We'll do anything to support the local community.

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Really? I thought Letherbridge was

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"so far north of Watford it was like a different planet"?

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I was joking.

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I'd love to take your patient,

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especially if it'll get me Brownie points.

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Well, I'd appreciate your help.

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And, in return, maybe I can take you for lunch?

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Maybe some other time.

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Now, listen here, darling. I was told I could register here!

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Miss Carr. I've just been speaking to the practice manager on your behalf.

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You're the lady that would like to register.

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Lady?

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Christine, get a patient registration form, would you?

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Why don't you go up to my office?

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I'd love to hear all about your charity work.

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Give my regards to Hugo.

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I must pop into the Mill sometime - check out the competition.

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I'll be fighting the ladies off in this.

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I bet they're all over you like nits, Bazza.

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It's not about pulling women, Officer Ward,

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it's a symbol of authority.

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Right. Gotcha.

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You'll need to wear this at all times during your induction.

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But I'll look like a bell-end in this!

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It's a statutory requirement during your probationary period.

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Oh, come on, Bazza.

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This department's already two men down.

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Besides...

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I've a very important job for you.

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Well, why didn't you say so?

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So put that on and follow me.

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I look like a lollipop lady.

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So...that's it regarding the admin you've missed. Oh, by the way,

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Moira Carr will be registering at Cumberland House. You owe me one.

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KNOCK ON DOOR

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Come in!

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Ah, Holly?

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Not disturbing you, am I?

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Um, no...

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I will go and type up that memo.

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You turned down my lunch invitation for that?

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It's a working lunch.

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Very impressive surgery.

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This is exactly how I envisage Cumberland House.

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Sorry to turn up on the hoof like this,

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but I've got a proposition for you.

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Observe the windscreen.

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Could do with a wash.

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That is a student concessionary parking permit,

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which is mandatory unless parking in a designated visitor area.

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Right.

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Here's your copy of the full concessionary parking guidelines.

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Say nighty-night to insomnia.

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I'd like you to check each and every one to ensure they're valid.

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What? Every car?! Are you joking?!

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Report back to me when you've finished.

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Give me a break!

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Is that what you wanted to be when you grew up? A traffic warden?

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It's security officer, actually, pal!

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-Very impressive stuff.

-I think so.

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I understand you used to work as a business consultant to GP surgeries.

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You've been checking up on me.

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I like to do my research.

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Well, I'm very flattered you asked for my feedback.

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Oh, I didn't.

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I want you as a partner, Howard.

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If we combine our surgeries,

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we could change the face of healthcare in Letherbridge -

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create a super-practice.

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And you've priced these up? The in-house dispensary?

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-The holistic healing centre?

-Every penny.

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-What's your timescale?

-It's tight.

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I had another surgery lined up, but we parted ways.

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They had a number of undisclosed debts.

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So I'm looking for a new investor - someone who shares my vision.

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I'd like to announce the partnership tonight.

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Tonight?

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I'm chairing a PR event at the Icon.

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I can't move that quickly.

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All I need is a signature, Howard.

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I'm not asking for funds at this stage.

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I already have a deal with a pharmacy chain to provide

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the in-house dispensary.

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Their funding is contingent on me

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having the signature of a partnering practice.

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If we made a formal announcement tonight,

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it would seal the deal for them.

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I'll need to speak to the partners.

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This is a massive opportunity.

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Imagine what we could achieve together.

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I took the liberty of making us a pot of Earl Grey.

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This is what I have been looking forward to all day.

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Me too. I'm dying to hear all about your holiday.

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Mrs Tembe, I need you to set up an urgent partners meeting.

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Heston, are you available now?

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I am. Was that Holly Fox I saw you with?

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-You know her?

-Well, I know Hugo.

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-We share a taste for the finer things in life.

-He's in Cambodia.

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Yeah. He's doing voluntary work, building a dam.

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Holly's running Cumberland House.

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Is that wise, after what happened?

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OK. Thank you. Bye.

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Put that on ice, would you?

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And I've dictated a revised press release.

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So? How are things at the Campus?

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Oh, fine. Why?

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I just know that Valerie can be a little over-zealous.

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Perhaps you could let her know how much we appreciate her hard work.

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Massage her ego, she might calm down a little.

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That reminds me, there is one of these for you -

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an invitation to her Halloween party.

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Urg! Is that really necessary? Are you going?

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-To a Halloween party?

-Well, I know you don't approve but...

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At least we know she's made an effort.

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I will think about it.

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Hmm. Now that, Dr Carter, is a very fine cup of tea.

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Hello. I'd like to speak to Howard Bellamy, please. It's urgent.

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It's Holly Fox.

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Howard? I need a decision. The phone's ringing off the hook here.

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Holly, I'm afraid it's going to be a no.

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What?

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But surely you can see what a massive opportunity this is?

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I just don't think it's going to work for us.

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An hour ago you were biting my hand off.

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Yes. Well, that was before I heard about your last business venture.

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That's got nothing to do with this.

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Well, I really must get on now. I'm needed at the Campus.

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Well, I wish you all the best.

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You realise the Mill stands to get left behind

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if you don't come on board with this?

0:18:250:18:27

Well, we'll take that risk. Good luck.

0:18:280:18:31

Oh, hi, Barry.

0:18:400:18:41

Valerie, this is Paddy - he'll fix the alarm.

0:18:410:18:44

Don't worry, I'll show him where it is.

0:18:440:18:47

Then I'll put the kettle on, shall I?

0:18:470:18:50

We can have a chat, if you've got a minute?

0:18:500:18:52

Yeah...

0:18:520:18:53

I'd like that.

0:18:560:18:57

ALARM BEEPS

0:18:570:18:58

Yoo-hoo! Is anybody there? Coo-ee!

0:18:580:19:02

ALARM BEEPS

0:19:030:19:06

Hello?

0:19:060:19:08

Do you work here, dear?

0:19:080:19:10

I've been sent to see a doctor.

0:19:100:19:12

-Sorry. You're going to have to use the disabled lift.

-What?

0:19:120:19:15

-I said, "You're going to have to...!"

-There's no need to shout.

0:19:150:19:18

How do you have your tea, Val?

0:19:180:19:20

I'm out here.

0:19:200:19:22

The lift's just through there.

0:19:220:19:23

Yes. I know, dear. I'm trying to tell you the lift isn't working.

0:19:230:19:28

Everything all right?

0:19:280:19:30

Lift's broken.

0:19:300:19:31

Why are you all on the stairs?

0:19:310:19:33

The lift's broke.

0:19:330:19:34

Your phone's going, Val.

0:19:350:19:37

How am I going to get her up the stairs?

0:19:370:19:39

There's just one thing for it.

0:19:410:19:43

-Where d'you want her?

-Over there.

-She weighs a ton.

0:19:460:19:49

I heard that, young man.

0:19:490:19:50

-I thought you were deaf.

-I heard that too.

0:19:500:19:53

The practice manager isn't here at the moment,

0:19:530:19:55

but I can assure you that we haven't turned any patients away.

0:19:550:19:59

There's certainly variety in this job. You all right there, princess?

0:19:590:20:03

Yes, thank you. Now I need to make the appointment.

0:20:030:20:08

Sorry, I'm going to have to call you back.

0:20:080:20:10

What was that, dear? Just a moment.

0:20:100:20:12

These gentlemen carried you up the stairs

0:20:120:20:14

because we thought you were disabled!

0:20:140:20:17

I'm not disabled, I was merely testing your disabled access routes.

0:20:170:20:21

Why? Are you planning on becoming disabled at a later date?

0:20:210:20:25

Don't be facetious, young man. Now, I need to see a doctor.

0:20:250:20:29

Are you registered with us?

0:20:290:20:31

Howard, I've had the Gazette on the phone.

0:20:310:20:34

No. But that nice lady at Cumberland House said her patient lists

0:20:340:20:38

-were full and that I should come here.

-What?

0:20:380:20:43

Somebody's been telling the Gazette that we're blacklisting patients.

0:20:430:20:46

There she is! Hello!

0:20:460:20:48

I'd like a word with you.

0:20:480:20:50

Make sure this lady sees a doctor, Valerie.

0:20:500:20:52

Have you any Bourbons, dear?

0:20:540:20:56

And I'd like a nice cup of tea.

0:20:560:20:58

Psst! Let Daniel see the old trout.

0:21:000:21:04

You don't like him very much, do you?

0:21:050:21:07

Can you blame me, after what he did to Jimmi?

0:21:070:21:10

What's that?

0:21:100:21:11

And all this because I turned you down?

0:21:140:21:16

I don't know what you're talking about.

0:21:160:21:18

This is petty and pathetic.

0:21:180:21:20

I took Moira Carr off your hands,

0:21:200:21:21

I thought it only fair you take one off mine.

0:21:210:21:24

These are real people, not some pawns in a stupid game.

0:21:240:21:27

And whatever happened to "the patient being king"?

0:21:280:21:31

Look, Howard, I'm giving you one last opportunity.

0:21:310:21:35

Patients get to choose their own provider.

0:21:350:21:38

Do you really think they'll choose

0:21:380:21:40

this place over my shiny new surgery?

0:21:400:21:42

And once that happens,

0:21:440:21:45

it won't be long before your staff want to jump ship as well.

0:21:450:21:48

Well, we'll see what Hugo has to say about this.

0:21:480:21:51

He's halfway up the Mekong.

0:21:510:21:52

The answer's still no.

0:21:520:21:54

Fine.

0:21:540:21:55

If you'll excuse me, I've got a new partnership to announce.

0:21:550:21:58

You can't use the press to advertise NHS services!

0:21:580:22:01

I'm a PR guru. I can get the press to do whatever I want.

0:22:010:22:05

Valerie, get me a conference call with the practice managers of every

0:22:170:22:20

surgery in Letherbridge - excluding Cumberland House.

0:22:200:22:24

And get me the number of the British Consulate in Cambodia.

0:22:240:22:28

Cambodia?

0:22:280:22:29

ASAP.

0:22:290:22:30

I've never been so popular.

0:22:320:22:35

I've just had Mrs Tembe on the phone, singing my praises.

0:22:350:22:38

Although I am a bit busy at the moment, actually.

0:22:380:22:41

No worries. What's this?

0:22:410:22:42

I'm making invitations for a Halloween party I'm having

0:22:420:22:44

tomorrow night. Would you come?

0:22:440:22:47

And would you give Barry an invitation as well?

0:22:470:22:50

Of course.

0:22:500:22:51

I reckon you're a bit sweet on big ole Bazza.

0:22:510:22:55

-Oi! Am not.

-Valerie?

0:22:550:22:57

Anyway, better be off.

0:22:590:23:01

Have any of the surgeries returned my calls?

0:23:040:23:07

No. Sorry.

0:23:070:23:08

Well, keep trying, please.

0:23:100:23:11

Hi. Everything OK?

0:23:130:23:15

Clean bill of health.

0:23:150:23:17

And how about you?

0:23:190:23:20

Are you OK?

0:23:220:23:23

Fine.

0:23:250:23:27

Really?

0:23:270:23:28

You can't kid a kidder, love.

0:23:300:23:32

Bad day?

0:23:340:23:35

Whatever it is, it's not worth it.

0:23:390:23:42

Drink?

0:23:570:23:59

White wine.

0:23:590:24:01

Two glasses of white wine, please.

0:24:010:24:03

Come to gloat?

0:24:070:24:09

Not my style.

0:24:090:24:10

PHONE RINGS

0:24:100:24:12

Daddy, hi. Thanks for getting back to me. No, I'm fine.

0:24:160:24:20

Look, whatever you've been told about the practice, it's not true...

0:24:210:24:25

What? But I thought... Sorry, this is a really bad line.

0:24:260:24:32

Can I call you back later?

0:24:320:24:33

You didn't tell him?

0:24:370:24:39

It didn't seem fair.

0:24:390:24:42

I'm sorry.

0:24:420:24:43

It's a small town - we look out for each other.

0:24:430:24:45

This was all for my father's benefit.

0:24:460:24:48

I just wanted him to be proud of me

0:24:500:24:52

You've got some great ideas -

0:24:520:24:54

you just need to keep a hold of your finances.

0:24:540:24:57

It's OK. I've decided healthcare isn't for me after all.

0:24:570:25:01

So what's all this in aid of?

0:25:010:25:03

Giving someone else a platform,

0:25:050:25:08

giving my ego the night off.

0:25:080:25:10

Moira?

0:25:120:25:13

I've talked the Mayoress into backing her charity.

0:25:130:25:17

So why the change of heart?

0:25:170:25:19

The patient is king after all.

0:25:190:25:22

Excuse me.

0:25:230:25:24

-Your father would be proud of you.

-Thanks.

0:25:240:25:28

Do you know what?

0:25:300:25:32

I rather like you, Howard Bellamy.

0:25:320:25:34

I wish we'd met under different circumstances.

0:25:340:25:37

It's my privilege to introduce to you a woman who wanted to

0:25:490:25:53

give something back to her community.

0:25:530:25:56

That woman is Moira Carr. Moira.

0:25:560:25:59

APPLAUSE

0:25:590:26:01

Thanks, Holly.

0:26:030:26:05

Hold up. Here comes Darth Vader.

0:26:050:26:06

Going somewhere nice, Dr Granger?

0:26:090:26:11

Yes, taking my daughter to Greece.

0:26:110:26:13

You checking up on me, guv?

0:26:160:26:18

Just doing my rounds.

0:26:180:26:20

All parking permits checked, all infringements noted on here.

0:26:200:26:24

-Fancy a pint?

-Yes. Hang on a minute.

0:26:270:26:30

See you tomorrow.

0:26:440:26:45

PHONE BEEPS

0:26:450:26:47

Oh, Franklyn!

0:26:500:26:52

Silence, please, for the Prince of Darkness.

0:26:570:27:02

Welcome, creatures of the night. The moon is red with blood.

0:27:020:27:05

Mrs Dallison, it's Dr Reid.

0:27:050:27:10

Who are these people? I didn't invite them.

0:27:100:27:13

How's it going?

0:27:130:27:15

Not bad. Nobody's died.

0:27:150:27:18

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