Party Time Doctors

# Happy birthday to you

# Happy birthday to you... #

Hello, darling.

I just wish you could come back for one more night, one more day...

SHE SOBS

-DOOR CLOSES

-Simon?

No. No. It can't be. No.

-OK. See you.

-KNOCK ON DOOR

Yes?!

HE GROWLS

Very scary.

How did you know it was me?

Because you are about as scary as a French poodle.

Now come in and try not to moult on the furniture.

-What are you going to be wearing?

-I don't know.

I might give it a miss, tell her I went as the invisible woman.

Evening all. I hope we're going to Valerie's Halloween bash.

Why the big fuss about Halloween?

Because it's a wonderful chance to eat, drink and be scary.

To blow away a few cobwebs. And you never know?

You might get yourself a ghoul-friend.

A ghoul, a ghoul friend.

-Hardy ha ha.

-It's a chance for the team to get together.

And I hope you're all going to be on side. Jolly good.

I'm not sure.

Oh, we're not going to drink the blood of virgins!

Are you coming?

-I've got a police surgeon's shift.

-Oh!

It's just going to be me and a pumpkin at this rate.

I could nip along later, but I won't get there till at least ten.

That's wonderful. Please, Mrs Tembe. Please!

But surely it is about worshipping demons?

It's not about worshipping them, Mrs Tembe.

The origins of Halloween are that people believed it was

the most haunted night of the year...when the dead rose again.

And the only way to stay safe was to dress up as one of them.

Good afternoon, how may I help you?

I've got an appointment with Dr Reid.

That's me. If you'd like to come this way.

-How can I help you?

-I want some sleeping pills.

That over the counter rubbish doesn't work.

OK, well first I'd like to find out the underlying reason as to

why you're not sleeping.

It's this time of the year. Halloween.

-I can't stand it.

-Why's that?

It's dark and depressing.

And there's this dreadful trick or treat nonsense.

It's just a bit of fun, isn't it?

-It's not much fun if they throw eggs at you.

-No.

I just want to take the batteries out of the doorbell,

-and have a good night's sleep.

-All right. Well...

Well, I can see that you've had them before.

-Were there any side effects?

-Yes! I had a good night's sleep!

OK. Just this once...

-It's my son's birthday today.

-Really?

I'm making him a cake. I made one earlier, but I had an accident.

-Does he live with you?

-No. Not any more.

But I'll be seeing him this evening.

Look, I'd love you to come.

I've made an enormous lentil casserole.

That sort of thing freezes very easily.

I was talking to Dr Carter.

He's hired his outfit from a top theatrical costumier,

but he won't say what it is.

He wants our eyes to pop out when we see his entrance.

-Well, I might turn up for a short while.

-See you at seven!

-KNOCK ON DOOR

-Come in.

All right, Bazza? I thought you could do with some refreshments.

Don't try and butter me up with all-butter shortbread.

I'm not pleased with you. Very not pleased.

I haven't done anything?

You allowed your emotions to get the better of you.

And you can't do that as a security guard.

We must be absolutely impartial when dealing with the little scumbags.

-It wasn't me who vandalised his car.

-Well, who was it?

I don't know, but...my money would be on Valerie.

You seriously think it was the lovely, sweet-natured Miss Pitman?!

Who was using silver spray paint on party invites?

She does seem a little bit...obsessive.

You want to keep an eye on her at the party tonight.

# Smile, though your heart is aching

# Smile, even though it's breaking

# When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by

# If you smile through your fear and sorrow

# Smile and maybe tomorrow

# You'll see the sun come shining through for you

# Light up your face with gladness

# Hide every trace of sadness

# Although a tear may be ever so near

# That's the time you must keep on trying

# Smile, what's the use of crying?

# You'll find that life is still worthwhile... #

Right, Frankenstein.

The good news is - Dracula's not going to press charges.

So you better get back to your home...or laboratory.

Mint Imperial?

Well, I don't usually accept sweets from strange men,

but since you asked so nicely.

DOORBELL RINGS Coming!

-Boo.

-Ooh! Howard!... Are you a Roman?

A ghost.

-The ghost of a Roman?

-No...the white sheet.

You're supposed to wear it over your head.

Then I wouldn't see where I was going.

No. Fair enough. Come on through.

Well, you've certainly gone to a lot of effort.

It's amazing what you can do with the inner tube of a toilet roll.

Now what would you say to some witchy brew?

It's blood-red Sangria, with eyeballs made of lychees.

I'd better not.

-Jas? Jas?!

-JAS GROWLS AND HE SCREAMS

-Gotcha!

-I SO knew it was you.

No, you didn't, you big wuss. How's the Kevmobile?

-I still can't get it to start.

-Look, why don't we just get a taxi?

No, I can fix it. I've got an app on my Smartphone.

-So where's Aran?

-Meeting us there.

It's great that you two are back together.

Yeah, yeah it is.

Whoa! Way to go with the enthusiasm.

Look are you going to fix this car or what?

Right. Where did I leave my phone?

HE WHISTLES

We're safe now! The campus security are here.

Not that you weren't safe before obviously... Now,

who'd like some witchy brew?

-Barry Biglow.

-Yes, I know who you are.

-Are you the Statue of Liberty?

-A ghost!

-DOORBELL RINGS

-The ghost of the Statue of Liberty?

Would you like an eyeball, master?

-Don't embarrass me, Franklyn.

-Yes, master.

-Look who it is!

-Hi!

-Hi!

Silence please for the Prince of Darkness!

Welcome, creatures of the night.

The moon is red with blood, the sky is filled with demons.

Which means it's time...to party!

THEY SQUEAL

I miss you so much.

It's so hard to get out of bed in the morning.

But soon, I'll see you soon.

DOORBELL RINGS

'Trick or treat!' DOORBELL RINGS

SHE GROANS 'Hello!'

Why won't they stop!

'Open the door!'

SHE SOBS

Oh, Doctor Carter! What a magnificent costume.

-And what a fine neck you have!

-HE GROWLS

SHE GIGGLES

Mr Bellamy. Are you supposed to be Mahatma Gandhi?

That's right. I'm Gandhi.

OK, everybody, I thought we could play a few getting to know you games.

-But we all know each other.

-So get into teams.

-I'm with these guys!

-Satan!

OK, the first game is passing the balloon from chin to chin.

Oh, that's not fair! They've got twice as many chins as us.

OK. So...here we go!

They've gone now. It's only me.

Happy birthday.

-No!

-SHE SOBS

And release pressure. Good work.

It's a balloon, not an unexploded bomb.

-What?!

-You're taking is so seriously.

Yes, I've never really been one for party games.

We could do something like this at the Mill on a Friday.

-Yes, but it's computer training day.

-Well don't do that,

-do something else.

-What, like apple bobbing?

-Team games. Bonding.

-That's what we appointed you for.

-We have a winner!

-CHEERING

-No. That is not fair.

They used their hands on several occasions.

Yeah, we did. Mostly to do this... Losers! Losers! Losers!

Valerie, I really must be getting going.

-But it's just started!

-I have several things to attend to.

Valerie, can I smell burning?

What?

Oh, no!

Trick or treat?

Oh...I'm not sure what I've got. Would you like a biscuit?

-No, thanks.

-FIRE ALARM SOUNDS

Are you all right?

Barry! Yes! I'm fine!

-I like your costume.

-Thank you very much.

-Though I'm not too keen on yours.

-Oh.

I've always had a thing about witches.

-Really?

-When I was a kid,

I was always terrified that one day my mom would be kidnapped,

and replaced by a wicked witch who looked exactly like her.

Oh, that's awful.

Every morning, before I went to school, I used to give her

a password, so I'd know it was her at the end of the day.

One day, I came home, and she'd forgotten it. Terrifying.

Oh, Barry.

Yes, well, my point is... I believe...

..that we're all capable of wicked deeds.

That we do reveal our dark side from time to time.

What do you think, Valerie?

Oh, yes, I'd be happy to show you my dark side.

So...get thee behind me, Satan.

-Get off!

-Sorry?

-I'm not that sort of bloke.

-But, I thought that...

-We'll pretend this never happened.

-But I think I'd better leave...

-Barry, I...

Goodnight, Valerie.

Trick or treat?

Get out! Get out...

Oh! Oh, it's you!

Oh, I knew you'd come back, but I've been waiting for so long.

Please. Please. Come in.

So how long for a taxi?

For heaven's sake! No, don't bother.

I'm just going to top up the fluid levels.

-Why don't you just call the AA?

-Why can't you just get a bus?

Looking like this?

Point taken. So, what's going on with you and Aran?

It's great, I've told you. Why do you keep asking?

-Cos your pants are on fire.

-I'm not...

Seriously if you're doing this because you think you should,

-or cos your mom thinks you should.

-Shut your face!

I chose to get back with him, it's got nothing to do with my mother.

-It's just...

-Ah-ha!

SHE SIGHS

I've still got all the feelings, and he's lovely.

But, I don't know, it's like there's something missing.

But I'm not quite sure what it is. Maybe I'm just being too picky?

Look, I like the guy, but if things aren't right,

-stop messing him around and end it.

-It's not that simple.

Look at my mum and dad - they had an arranged marriage

and it was amazingly successful. They're really into each other.

Yeah, but you can't force it. You two have dated for years,

if you're not that into him now, what's going to change?

But I am! I think. I don't know.

It doesn't help with my mom going on about being left on the shelf

all the time. And as for his parents...

There'll be some party and we'll have to go

and see everyone again and, well, you know what

Asian families are like.

Sorry! I forgot, you don't...

I'm going to top up the fluid levels.

I wonder if there's anything to drink round here...

-Have some more.

-Thanks.

Oh, who's a hungry little teddy bear?

You used to love my cakes. Do you remember?

I made you a choo-choo train out of Swiss rolls that went right

the way round the table. Oh, we had some lovely parties.

But you were always sick on the duvet.

You do know, that I don't really know you?

-Of course I know you, Simon.

-That's not my name.

Simple Simon met a pieman, going to the fair!

I've got to go now.

Said Simple Simon to the pieman, let me taste your ware!

No! You can't go out!

There are witches and demons... Simon!

SHE SOBS

-Jas isn't here yet.

-OK.

-Do you want me to go away and come back again?

-No! Of course not!

Finders keepers!

Not that I'm going to keep you, obviously.

Right, these are for you.

They're lovely! Thank you.

Come on through.

-You do realise it's fancy dress?

-This IS fancy dress. 007.

Oh, yes, of course! License to thrill!

Come on through!

Hi, everyone. This is Aran. He's with Jas.

Well, obviously, he's not with Jas at the moment,

-but he will be when she gets here.

-Hi!

Aw! No-one's touched the punch. It is home-made.

There's Sangria and lychees and glace cherries...

Oh, dear.

Just when you thought it couldn't get any more embarrassing.

I'm sorry?

Oh, come on. First we play kiddywinky tiddly games.

Then you set fire to the kitchen.

-And now you're dropping body parts in the punch!

-I see.

Well, I'm sorry if it's all too embarrassing! Perhaps you should go!

We appreciate everything you've done.

It's been a wonderful party and you've been a marvellous host.

Except when I dropped my nose in the punchbowl.

-Nobody noticed, and nobody minds.

-I notice you're not drinking yours.

Cheers!

You don't have to stay just cos you feel sorry for me.

Aw! We don't.

We're all dead impressed that you put all this together in 24 hours.

Come here.

Valerie, I just think we're all a bit tired,

so if anyone's interested, I've got a DVD in my bag.

-Which one?

-Bloodbath Of The Living Dead.

Oh! What is that about?

I think the clue may be in the title.

Oh. Well, perhaps I will help with the washing up.

-Get out of my house!

-We just want a few words.

We need to know what you gave that kid.

You're trying to trick me. It's a trick.

Mrs Dallison! It's Doctor Reid.

Oh! Who are these people? I didn't invite them.

No, I know. But there was a boy here earlier, do you remember?

Yes. Simon.

Well, now he's feeling very well now.

Oh! No! The poor little boy. Oh, no.

-Who is he?

-He's my son.

Every year, I make a wish, for him to be with me.

This year was different. This year, he came back.

SCREAMING ON TV

He hasn't changed a bit. He's got the same brown eyes.

-Full of mischief.

-Who has?

He has. Simon. My boy.

Will you excuse me a moment.

So you see. Dreams really do come true.

If you just wish, and wish, and wish...

What are you talking about?

-You were telling me about your son.

-Yes. Simon.

Your son died in a car crash 20 years ago.

But he came back. I saw him.

The boy who came in here was a trick or treater,

about the same age as your son,

-but now he's seriously ill in hospital.

-No! It was Simon!

Sometimes, when we really miss someone,

we start to see their faces in other people.

-But I was sure that...

-I know.

I'm so sorry.

It was his 13th birthday.

And I wanted him to stay home and have a special tea.

But oh, no.

He wanted to go out and do trick or treat.

Trick or treat! Trick or treat!

Mrs Dallison, did you give the boy anything to eat?

I don't remember.

You said you were going to make him a cake, and take it to him.

Yes.

What did you do with the sleeping pills, Mrs Dallison?

That's it, I give up. We'll get a taxi.

Hallelujah!

What's this?

Scotch. Howard's got a secret stash. Hi, Tony, Jas again.

Change of plan, we do want that cab, what are the chances?

Fab! Thanks.

So, you and Aran?

-Can we give it a rest now?

-Sure.

You never really talk about your background.

What's there to say?

Oh, you know, all this 'I'm not Asian' thing? It's a bit ...

My family's all white.

My mum, my uncles, my aunts, the whole lot.

-But aren't you ever curious?

-Can we give it a rest, please?

Sure.

And they all lived happily ever after.

Except for the disembodied corpses, obviously.

I don't know how I'm going to sleep tonight.

-Aw, it's only a film.

-Yeah, but when I'm lying there in the dark,

and I start to imagine things in the shadows.

-Sleep with your light on.

-No, that wont work.

Not when I'm all alone in this house.

I suppose I could stay over.

Aw, that's great! We can have a pyjama party.

HE GROANS

HE WRETCHES

EVERYONE GROANS

-Thanks, I'm sorry.

-Right. Party's over.

-Come on, mate. Heston, could you...?

-Creatures of the night,

I must love you and leave you. Valerie - a thousand thank yous,

but this friend of ours must lay down in a padded coffin.

You must think this is the weirdest party you've ever been to.

-I don't mind weird. Weird is good.

-DOORBELL RINGS

Who's that?

-Come in!

-Sorry we're late.

-Long story.

Not to worry. At least you're here in one piece.

-How's it going?

-Not bad. Nobody's died.

-Hello!

-Hi, Aran! I'm really sorry,

-did you get my messages?

-What messages?

-I left about ten.

-I think I left my phone at work.

-Ah.

-Am I glad you're here.

You're going to be OK.

You're going to be with some very kind people.

Who are they?

This lady is a social worker, she's going to take you to the hospital.

But I don't want to go.

No, I know.

But you've been on your own for too long, Mrs Dallison,

it's not good for you. So we're going to get you some help now.

OK.

It WAS him, you know. He came back.

Poor woman.

-I had no idea about her son.

-She probably never told anyone.

I should have seen it in her notes.

St Phil's called. The boy's on the mend it seems.

Well, that's something.

I'm not sure Mrs Dallison will be.

Hi, um, the little boys' room?

Just through there. It's for little boys and big boys!

SHE LAUGHS

-Sorry, I'm a bit tipsy.

-That's all right!

-Aw, Jas is so lucky to have you.

-And I'm lucky to have her.

I know. You're both lucky.

Lucky, lucky, lucky. SHE GIGGLES

Miss Pitman, thank you so much for welcoming me into your home,

and putting so much effort into this evening.

In Botswana, we do not have Halloween,

so it's definitely been an experience.

Do you know, this has been the best night I've had for years,

-and you people, I'm so lucky.

-Yes, we are all blessed.

And since it's Guy Fawkes' Night on Monday,

why don't we do it all again?!

Yeah!

-I'm sorry to interrupt, can I join you?

-It's not a good time, mate.

What if I said I could help you to adopt?

I'm Franklyn Ward, Contestant Liaison Officer.

You must be the future Miss Letherbridge?

There's a child missing, we're talking about kidnapping here.

-Kidnapping?

-Murder even!

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