Boot Camp Doctors

It will be fun.

-Urg! Yeah, pigs might fly.

-Change of scenery.

A chance to get to know our new colleagues better.

Oh... Starting to feel guilty for mentioning it, are we?

Not at all.

That was Jas. She's not feeling well, she can't make it in.

Oh, poor thing. Is it serious?

It should probably clear up in 24 hours.

Thought you'd done a runner.

I still might. Does anyone know what we're actually doing today?

Childish games, I expect.

We might get some good grub. Those conference centres...

GAS HISSES

-Oh, my...

-What the...?

-Get down on the ground!

-What is that?

It's a smoke grenade! Come on, hit the floor!

What on earth do you think you are doing?

I gave you an order. Hit that deck, come on!

Come on...! On the floor.

It's me, Howard.

-We know.

-I've got a treat in store for you today.

I'm going to turn you into an elite fighting squad.

We're team-building, military style!

What?

OK, fellas, let's see the facial hair.

BOTH LAUGH

You're kidding me. Where are your 'taches?

What?

Come on. We appear to have one of our team missing in action.

Would you mind serving for queen and country?

Who'll let the boiler man in?

I've spoken to the scaffolders, they'll let him in.

Roof had better be fixed by the time we get back.

You're just loving this, aren't you?

Silence in the ranks. Board the vehicle.

I was thinking wine tasting, a treasure hunt,

not recreating D-Day.

Come on, troops, what's the delay?

-Where are we going?

-Is it paint balling? Cos I rock at that.

It's not going to be anything too hard, is it?

Right. I managed to pull a few strings

to get this place for the day. It's where the local regiment train.

We're not on a playground anymore.

Awesome.

Not on your nelly.

I'll make soldiers of you, yet.

I don't want to be a soldier.

How could doing your ridiculous assault course

possibly benefit our patients?

Dr Carter is right.

Ever since I came to the Mill,

I've seen nothing but squabbling and infighting.

Individually, you're all capable of amazing things.

I see that every day, the way you deal with patients.

You have heart, insight and compassion.

I brought you all here today to show you that we can work together...

Together as a team.

If any of you don't want that, well, there's the bus.

Right, are you all ready to go the distance?

ALL: Yes.

Are you ready to go the distance. ALL: Yes.

Yes, sir! ALL: Yes, sir.

Right quad, let's get kitted out.

KNOCKS ON DOOR

Have you seen Driver?

All right, get it out your system.

We all agreed to grow them for Movember.

When you say "we all"...

Yeah. Well, they all chickened out when I went on holiday.

I'm not going to back down, because it's for a good cause.

So, now, when you arrest criminals, you can raise

awareness of testicular cancer.

I'll do the jokes, all right?

She dashed through earlier. Everyone's in a panic.

Why?

Crashed prison van, maybe an inside job.

Got three big fish on the loose.

-OK. What can I do?

-That.

-What?

-The Andover case is going to court.

I need you to help Dr Clay check all the reports,

make sure everything's in order.

Wouldn't I be more use to you out there?

Believe it or not, we carried on working when you were on holiday.

You've missed the briefing. You're staying here.

Is that a problem?

-No.

-Good.

Why do you look like a porn star?

Ready to be pushed to the limit? BOTH: Sir. Yes, sir.

And what do we have here?

Um, Valerie, and this is Emma,

reporting for duty.

-Sir.

-Sir.

What's your role in the army? Hostage?

Don't disrespect your squad-mates. Ten press-ups.

-What?

-Now!

One. Two. Three...

You don't say much.

Yeah. Well, I let my guns do the talking.

You going to give me trouble, private?

Depends which way the wind's blowing.

Those aren't standard issue.

But they are extremely comfortable.

I won't stand for any insubordination.

-Hit the floor and show me what you're made of.

-Leave him alone.

-You too, 20 press-ups.

-I'm not getting down in the mud

while you stand there watching me, like a pervert.

I'm your commanding officer, not a pervert.

Remains to be seen.

Why do you get out of the hard work anyway?

That is an excellent point, Dr Carter.

You should lead by example.

Why should we do the things you're not prepared to do yourself.

Show us what you've got.

Who wants to go first?

MUSIC: Dad's Army theme tune

Come on.

Move it or lose it, Hollins.

Good.

Good.

Good.

Move, move, Karen, please! I need to get through!

Sorry, sorry, sorry!

Out the way, Karen!

Come on, soldier. Keep it up, keep it up!

Come on, Karen.

Come on, Karen!

I'm going as fast as I can.

Come on. You can do it.

ALL: Yay!

And not a scratch on me.

Ow.

Ow! Ow! Ow!

-Let me look.

-I've already examined her.

Well, maybe she needs the benefit of my experience.

Oi! I know what I'm doing.

Can you stand?

If I could stand, I wouldn't be lying here, listening to you lot.

Have we got a first aid kit?

You don't get first aid kits in the jungle.

We're 20 minutes from the M6. It's hardly the Congo.

We need something cold to put on her back.

Or something warm.

For pity's sake, does nobody know what to do?!

She'll be all right. A bit of R&R when she gets home,

she'll be back on her feet in no time.

Says the man who does the stationery order.

What do you know about dodgy backs?

About as much as the rest of them.

There's a greasy spoon down the road -

just take me there. I'll get Rob to collect me.

You're going nowhere. You're a casualty of war.

-It'll make the wilderness exercise more realistic.

-The what?

Right, I need two team leaders.

-Me.

-Me.

That was easy. Let's get started.

No, no way. Absolutely not.

I am not playing!

Why does he get to be team leader?

Kevin.

-Mandy.

-Woo-hoo!

I'll take Valerie.

It's just like boarding school all over again.

I never got picked for games... not even croquet.

You would be a valuable asset to any team, Dr Carter.

-Mrs Tembe.

-Oh!

I'll take Karen.

You can't be... She can't even walk.

I want to prove that I can win this, even when hampered by my team-mates.

Thank you very much.

Oh, Heston, you better come with me.

If it's not too much trouble.

Take these.

OK, recruits.

You've both been given a map, each marked with a series of checkpoints.

Hidden at each location is a token.

Now, the team that returns with the most tokens in 60 minutes wins.

Yes. Well, thank you for the briefing, Lord Sugar,

what about the catering arrangements?

What arrangements?

No food? Are You're having a laugh?

I'm a wounded woman.

Today is about surviving together in the wilderness.

If you're hungry, you'll have to find your own food.

Never skinned a rabbit?

Is that really necessary?

Oh, I have.

OK, team, back here in 60 minutes.

If you're late, you'll be disqualified.

Good hunting!

-There you are.

-Ta.

You see, the thing is about me...

..I'm a grafter.

-I get things done.

-Yes.

Because if something needs doing...

It needs doing. And you won't hear me complain.

FOOTSTEPS IN THE HALL

Have you seen that file for Mr Knight?

Park her there.

"Park her"?

OK, here's the strategy.

The other team entered the forest from the west,

so we're going to swoop in and clear out the checkpoints near them.

We'll need to split up if we're going to do it in time.

Yeah, that's what I was about to say, mate.

Einstein, that's not going to work - I can't move.

We'll leave you here, sweep the checkpoints,

then come back for you later.

No way. You are not leaving me in the forest.

It's supposed to be about teamwork.

No, it's about winning.

The pair of you...take this checkpoint near the stream.

-If you reach the path, you've gone too far.

-Obviously.

I'll take this checkpoint.

We'll meet at the crossroads, north from where you'll be.

No. Listen to me, you miserable bunch...

-Move out!

-Shh!

We need to clear the checkpoints from under their noses before

-they realise what's happening.

-We'll only be ten minutes.

No. I'm going to be covered in creepy crawlies by then!

Come back!

People have no manners anymore.

That is so true.

Where have you taken us?

I've lost my bearings.

Maybe we should set up camp for the night.

There's a chill wind blowing and the enemy has our scent.

Why are you talking like that?

Ah! At last...

Luncheon.

This isn't one of the checkpoints.

I knew Howard wouldn't leave us without any food.

I must confess, I am feeling a little peckish.

We are not stopping.

One problem - how are we supposed to get into this?

Did you get it? Excellent.

We're so going to win this.

I think that we should head east. Clear some more checkpoints

before the other team get a chance to regroup.

What about Karen? We promised to go back for her.

She'll only slow us down.

Why don't we just dump her?

She is part of our team.

If we win without her, it's no victory.

Meh!

I can't believe you. Chris?

She will slow us down.

But surely you can see it's not right to leave her?

-That's also true.

-All right, then.

-Let's go get her quickly, before we lose any more time.

-Thank you.

Does anyone remember where we left her?

Hello!

Where are you?

You said ten minutes.

There's no signal!

EAGLE HOWLS ABOVE

-Come on then, lads.

-Get off me!

Get off!

Come on, then!

I was thinking of running a marathon.

Cherry would have hated it - all that training -

so that's one good reason to do it.

If you're unhappy doing this, why don't you speak to the Inspector?

Did I say I was unhappy?

I just want to get stuck into something.

I did enough sitting around doing nothing on holiday.

That's the point of holidays.

I can tell you haven't got kids.

Normally I'm charging around, trying to keep them out of trouble.

Those days are long behind you.

Hmm.

-This is hopeless.

-Keep rubbing.

-You know this only works in films?

-I thought you'd gone commando?

-I hate to break it to you...

-Or at least you were a girl guide?

Yes, but I kept getting distracted, didn't I?

Look. We haven't got time for all this. We need to get going.

I don't give a damn. What is the food situation, Mrs Tembe?

I have nearly pierced another corner.

Keep up the good work.

Hello...

Oh, well done. Yes, very convincing.

Right. Have you got some matches for the fire?

And I could do with your tin opener.

MAN GROWLS

Yeah. I think it's marvellous that Howard has hired some of his friends

to make our afternoon more entertaining,

but you can stop the wild-man-in-the-woods act.

I'm very tired and I haven't had a cup of tea

for longer than is decent.

MAN GROWLS

Uh, Heston...

Yeah... I think we should just give this gentleman his things back.

Oh, nonsense...

The cheek of Howard. He left us tins without a tin opener,

and tea bags without any hot water. I will be having words.

Heston, I think you should stop talking now.

MAN GROWLS

Right. I will have you know that Mrs Tembe, here,

is an expert in unarmed combat.

MAN GROWLS

MRS TEMBE SCREAMS

Unhand... Unhand her now!

Nice!

And what should I do with him now?!

We'll have to kill him.

Or we could just run away, whichever you think, really.

Ruuuuun!

Five... Four... Three... Two... One.

Useless.

-Karen!

-Karen!

-Karen!

-Karen!

-Karen!

-Karen!

-Karen!

If we get back before the other team,

Howard might still count our two tokens.

That doesn't matter. Karen!

She's probably already back by now.

How? She can't walk.

She'll be fine. Tell her, Chris.

-Tell me? Tell him.

-I can see where you're both coming from...

Oh, get off the fence, mate.

Yes, grow a pair.

-We shouldn't have left her.

-Thank you.

Shh! I can hear something.

ALL SCREAM

I see you missed the deadline too.

How many tokens did you find?

We've both be disqualified...

He can't disqualify both teams, and I've got more tokens.

Shall we call it a draw?

-Draw.

-Right. We've got another problem.

-Us too.

-We lost Karen.

What do you mean, you lost Karen?

Literally. We put her down and now we can't find her.

How-How could you do such a thing?!

You try carting an angry receptionist round a forest.

Yeah. Well, we've all been there.

What was your problem?

We're being pursued by a madman who lives in the forest.

Oh.

ALL: Karen!

Mrs Hollis!

Karen!

-Mrs Hollis!

-Karen!

-Mrs Hollis!

If you're watching this, I didn't make it out.

I'm... I'm not alone in the forest.

There's...there's something out...

Jack, Immie, I love you to pieces.

I know we've had our ups and downs,

but...please don't remember the bad times.

If I've let you down, I'm so sorry.

Please forgive me.

I... I don't know how much longer I've got.

I think it's getting closer.

Rob, we've had our good times and we've raised the most beautiful...

I love you.

Please be happy, all of you.

Oh, come on. You must have some idea where you left her.

We went west to this checkpoint.

So look east of there.

That's funny - we thought of that. We couldn't find her.

You should've been more organised, shouldn't you?

We swept the whole area!

You need to stop this squabbling and work together!

Quite.

We'll have to spread out to find her before our wild-eyed friend.

Yeah. But then we'll be on our own.

-What if he catches someone alone?

-So what are we going to do?

All right. We'll walk in a straight line, like they do in the movies

when they're searching for a missing person who's already been killed.

Don't say that to Karen.

We'll keep in eye contact with the people either side of us.

That way we'll be safe, but we'll cover a lot more ground.

-Now, that is a very good idea.

-Agreed.

All right, team, let's do it. Let's sweep the forest.

Which way?

Does anyone know where we are?

Are we nearly done?

If by "nearly done" you mean "nowhere near done" then yes,

we're nearly done. KNOCKS ON DOOR

You all right, boss?

Hmm. The siege dragged out a bit, but it's over now.

-Siege?

-Siege?

That's where I should have been, not pushing bits of paper around.

Sorry.

I was going to ask if you fancied being seconded to CID for a bit.

I've got something coming up I think you might be good for.

But... If you'd rather be back on the beat,

I can arrange that for you.

No. No. No. I wouldn't, no.

So you want the CID attachment?

Yeah, I would, please.

Good. I'll brief you properly next week.

-Congrats.

-Fantastic.

Soon as we're finished here, we are going to go and celebrate.

-Oh, I don't know...

-No. No. No excuses.

-Wouldn't you rather celebrate with Karen?

-No.

No. She'll be happy for me not to be under her feet. Come on.

EAGLE HOWLS ABOVE

KAREN SCREAMS

Oh, Mrs Hollis! There you are!

She is here! She is here!

They left me!

I know.... But you are safe now.

I want to go... There was...there was a demon bird.

There are no demons here...

But there is a terrifying madman, but we found you first.

Karen, it is a pleasure to see you safe and well.

What do you mean, there was a "terrifying madman"?

-Josh?

-It's OK, you're having a panic attack.

I couldn't stop myself.

Josh Another one? What does that even mean?

Please help us.

Procuring children for illegal adoption.

Last week, he offered this little girl for sale.

Are you together because you want to be,

or was it arranged?

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