Host Family Doctors

THEY TALK QUIETLY

No, no, no. You can't go yet.

I'm already late.

One more minute. We never have enough time together.

I wish my room was closer to town.

My mum would go mental if she knew I was seeing you instead of revising.

Maybe if I met her, she would like me.

It wouldn't make any difference, trust me.

Not even if I told her I'm crazy about you?

I really have to go.

I hate being without you.

I could meet you after your first class?

I've got a full day.

I'll call you.

Promise.

Good morning. Ready for the interviews?

Keen as mustard.

Ooh, mustard!

There are a million other things I'd rather be doing, too, but...

Now, you see, custard cream! That would be perfect.

Having the room repainted. Red is getting on my nerves.

Well, I'll leave everything in your capable hands.

-Really?

-Just as long as it's finished by the time I get back from my holidays.

You can leave the whole thing to me.

Actually, I'll pick something out from the chart later myself.

-Ready?

-Lay on, Macduff.

So, how exactly did you get lumbered with all this, then?

Mate of my at the youth club runs it,

but he broke his collarbone at the weekend.

So he's dumped it all on you?

Basically. It's only short term.

-That's what you think.

-I can handle it.

Um, where are all these kids from anyway?

Er, mainly Eastern European. Polish, Croatian...

They're studying English at a language school.

Apparently, the tricky bit is finding new host families.

-Hey.

-Edin? How is it going?

-Good, thanks.

What are you doing here, then? Injured?

-No, no. Just wanted to have a quick chat.

-Oh, right.

Sorry, Mandy, this is one of our overseas students, Edin, from...

-Croatia.

-Nice to meet you. Are you enjoying England?

-Definitely.

-Good. Well, I'll leave you two to it.

So, what's the story with training? It's been weeks.

I know. I'm sorry.

What's her name?

Seriously, mate, you're the best player there.

And you're our only left-footer. We need you back, man.

That's not the problem. It's the flat.

Thought you liked staying at your mate's.

It's not great. He's never there.

It's kind of lonely.

OK.

So, I was thinking, if there were any host families?

I don't think there's anything free right now.

I can check. All right?

Let's have a look at what we've got. We had one family,

but I think they're off the list now.

Yeah.

I think the girl that was staying with these people has gone back to Poland.

I can try, mate, but I'm not making you any promises.

Thank you.

-OK. I've got to get back to work. I'll speak to you later.

-OK.

Oh, and you're going to owe me for this. No more skipping practice.

OK.

Now, I've streamlined the whole process. I've devised a core selection grid.

-A what?

-We take the principle interview evaluations,

convert them into a series of marks, then merge them over into the final grid.

And the candidate with the highest overall scores at the end of the day is our man.

Or woman.

Sounds, um, mechanical.

I prefer efficient and economical. Trust me.

Or what about a chat to get the measure of him or her?

Heston, this is the 21st century.

There is such a thing as fair selection.

What about gut instinct?

KNOCK AT DOOR

The first candidate is here. Shall I send him in?

Thank you.

KEVIN GROANS

-Do you want another?

-No.

-All right!

-I just want him to get here.

-You're beginning to stress me out.

Let's go over the strategy one more time.

-Again?

-Yes. I just want to make sure that we've got everything right.

We cooperate as willingly and easily as we can,

make him believe that we will do absolutely anything to get a baby.

Got to hook him in with the minimum waste of time.

"The quicker you trick him, the quicker you nick him,"

as my old DI used to say.

-The quicker we make him smell a rat,

-Well, why would he?

I think we've got to give it more edge.

Otherwise we're going to look like pushovers.

We've got to be more realistic.

-Yeah, but surely if we do that...

-He's a businessman.

He'll respond to a challenge. He'll sell himself to us.

He'll sell us the baby.

Making him suspicious.

But he will be anyway.

Oh, I need more coffee.

I'm sorry. Natalia was a one-off.

I just think Edin misses being part of a family.

My mum and dad both work from home,

so I'm not used to being on my own so much.

I hadn't really intended to have any more students this year

and my daughter is studying for exams.

It's an important time for her.

Is it broken?

Oh, everything keeps coming out dirtier than before it went in.

-The arms, they're probably blocked.

-Really?

My mum, she owns the same make. Can I take a look?

Be my guest.

I hadn't considered having a male student before.

Well, I don't want you to feel pressured. This is your home.

How long were you thinking?

You'd like to take a seat...

This is Dr Heston Carter.

Right, let's get started, shall we?

Now, the question is in three parts.

Firstly, could you tell us how your previous clinical experiences

relate to the demands of this post?

Secondly, how do you envisage

the ongoing changes of fund-holding status affecting the post?

And thirdly...

HE GROANS

And thirdly, what you see as the main challenges you would face, if appointed?

Could we break that down into something a bit more digestible?

-It's already in three sections.

-Yes, but it's very wordy nonetheless.

Shall we let the candidate answer?

Absolutely. If he understood the question.

Over to you.

So, how many islands are there in all?

-Over a thousand.

-Wow, I must go. It sounds beautiful.

You should visit North Dalmatia in spring.

The water is like crystal.

Didn't know you were sponsored by the Croatian Tourist Board, mate.

Hi, sweetie. This is my daughter, Kate.

This is Chris Reid. He's running the host family programme.

Just temporarily. Hi.

And THIS is our new host student, Edin. Edin...?

Korana. Hi.

Hi.

Fortunately, Edin is an expert in fixing dishwashers.

I'm not done yet.

I thought you said after Natalya had gone...

It's just a trial. If it interferes with your studies, we'll reconsider.

It might be nice to have a man around the house.

Take your time, Alasdair.

It's Al.

Which answer do you want?

The questions were...

I know. I'm asking which answer you want?

I mean, it kind of depends on the parameters you've defined for this interview process,

doesn't it?

There's one, the textbook answer.

Two, the post-med-school, hospital,

"I've been there, seen and done it" answer.

Or three, the careerist GP -

practical, "dealing with realities" answer.

-How about four.

-Your

-answer?

Any answer would be good.

I don't have an opinion.

I have opinions, just not on this issue.

But this is an interview.

If you don't offer an opinion, then...

You don't think that GP commissioning is going to affect you?

I didn't say that.

Then what are you saying?

I don't feel I'm in a position to comment on it

with any kind of authority.

It's not within the realm of my experience.

So far.

What ARE your areas of special interest?

That's not the next question.

Neuroscience.

Molecular, cellular, developmental, structural, functional,

evolutionary, computational.

There's some amazing stuff going on that I'd love to be part of.

So you're keen on research?

Of course.

And you don't plan on being a GP long term?

Every body is connected to a brain.

Every brain is controlling a body.

Being a GP, presented every day with a diverse range of conditions,

has to sharpen up diagnostic and investigative faculties.

You're interested in what makes people tick?

Of course, the metaphor of a clockwork mechanism

is an oversimplification.

We're dealing with something way more sophisticated.

-Digital not analogue.

-Fascinating stuff.

Not fascinating enough for you to complete your PhD?

I decided to...take a step back.

A broader view of medical practise might help me to decide

where I really want to focus my energies...later in my career.

Shall we just get back to the original question?

Yes, all right. For the purposes of this interview,

could you answer the next question in more basic and...

simpler terminology?

Depends on the question.

Why do you want this job?

-KATE:

-What are you doing here? You think this is a good idea?

-EDIN:

-Yes. We can see each other

whenever we like, when your mum goes out.

I can't believe you've done this!

It will be fun!

You can't stay here. You do realise that?

MUM: Would you like more tea? I'm just making some.

Um, no, I should be off, actually, as long as you're happy?

DOOR OPENS

Oh, hi. I wondered where you were.

Sorry.

No, it's fine. I just got on with things.

Mrs Harman and her flaky skin.

Anyway, how are you?

All right? You look a bit...

I'm fine. Just having... one of those days, you know?

-What is it?

-I don't know. Um...

I'm missing the kids, I think.

Yeah, it's a difficult time.

You have to be careful.

Jane Juggins, a friend of mine from the PCT,

her boy went to university last year

and it was shortly after that that all her problems kicked off.

Her husband started being all weird and secretive

and always working late, always disappearing off with some excuse.

There were other little things, too.

He started dressing differently, he had a haircut.

Anyway, it turned out he was having an affair.

Big surprise(!)

Oh. Not that I was implying...

I'm not saying that... Cos, you know,

your Rob he's, um, you know.

Ruby Ripple?

I think I should...

DOOR OPENS

DOOR CLOSES SHE SIGHS

Come and eat, Edin.

Nearly done.

OK.

Not hungry?

I was thinking I could take Edin out, show him around.

-Don't you have some revision to do?

-It's not urgent.

Oh, come on, sweetie.

So, what exactly is the problem?

Er...

You ARE joking? So he got you to move him in to his girlfriend's house?

Basically. I feel like a right prat.

Cocky little sod! What are you going to do?

I don't know. I mean, they're both legal.

What? They were seeing each other anyway!

You know, what they get up to is not really my responsibility, is it?

Yeah, but if it's in her mum's house...

You're not really thinking of leaving him there?

Chris! Are you mad?!

If it gets out that you placed a kid you were friendly with

in his girlfriend's house, without her mum knowing...

Can't you see how that looks? What will the other families think?

Slow down, all right. I didn't know, did I?

Yeah, but you do now. So you'd better get him out.

And quick.

So candidate number three was the tall one.

The blonde?

-No. The tall one was the brunette.

-Really?

Have you nearly finished?

And candidate two was the one with the funny mouth?

Funny mouth?

Yeah. Strange enunciation. He chewed his words.

Like a camel.

Did you actually make notes?

Yeah, I drew a camel next to number two.

Can we get this finished?

I am endeavouring to do exactly that.

-I don't know why this process has become so convoluted.

-Well, here's a clue!

Blind me with your mathematical magic.

-We're going to offer the job to Alasdair Haskey anyway.

-I doubt that.

I didn't score him very highly on appearance and presentation.

What possible bearing does that have on his suitability?

HE TYPES

Speak, O Oracle!

Well, the results are not entirely conclusive.

-Meaning?

-Several of the candidates have identical overall scores.

Which is quite low, surprisingly.

-Including Alasdair?

-Hmm.

Right, It's been a complete waste of time.

OK, the points system wasn't entirely a fair representation.

Right, cut to the chase. I am not wasting another day interviewing.

We give the job to Alasdair Haskey.

He wasn't necessarily the best candidate.

He may not have ticked all your shiny boxes.

He showed a lot more originality. Agreed?

Now, the candidates are waiting outside.

We have to make a decision.

He's the only credible choice.

-Why are you being like this?

-You really need to ask?

I thought you'd be pleased. All I wanted was for us to be closer.

There's close and then there's way too close!

Are you worried about your mum? Because we're getting on well.

You're not listening! Again!

If my mum finds out about this,

she'll probably kick me out as well as you!

-Kate, please...

-Stop it.

-Kate, I love you.

No.

I'm sorry, I'm confused. What exactly is the problem?

It's my fault.

I know it might seem like a bit of a quick U-turn,

but, having given it some thought,

I think Edin would be better off staying where he was.

I thought he wanted to experience the whole family environment.

I think he's actually coping OK.

And to be honest, it might do him some good

to spend life here a bit more independently.

I don't appreciate being messed around like this.

One minute you want me to take him in,

the next you don't think it's a good idea.

I know, and I can only apologise.

So what has changed?

-KATE:

-Get off me! You're not listening!

No, no, your interview technique was spot on.

If anything, I think you were slightly over-qualified.

So, Alasdair...

-Al.

-Al.

Um, the position is yours. I presume you are happy to accept?

Er...yeah.

Marvellous. Marvellous. Welcome to the team.

Um, we're having a get-together tomorrow night. A quiz night.

Perhaps you'd like to pop along and show your face?

OK.

You can sign all the necessities then.

Right. Well...I'll see you then.

Yep. Thank you very much...Al.

-Kate.

-Get off me!

What the hell is going on?!

We're in love!

Kate?

We're not! We've been on a couple of dates.

Wait for me downstairs. Now!

Did he hurt you?

No. I'm fine.

I'm so sorry, Mum. I didn't know he was going to do this, honestly.

It's OK, sweetie.

I promise, if I had any idea they were seeing each other,

I wouldn't have considered bringing him here.

It's not exactly as if I knew anything about it!

It's totally my mistake, and...

I should have acted as soon as I found out.

What do you mean, "as soon as you found out"?

How long have you known?

Well, only this afternoon, but...

I didn't know he was going to turn up here, I swear.

-I will be going above your head with this.

-Yeah, OK.

Now, get him out of my house!

I'm so sorry.

Oh...

A doctor should be someone that you look up to.

Someone who demands respect.

Laters.

I think not.

-So, have you made your choice yet?

-What? Oh, yes.

I'm going to go with that one.

-Minty mist?

-No, that one.

Cabbage drab?

Yes, with a plain white ceiling.

-POLICE RADIO:

-'He's here. Over.'

-Ready?

-No.

-Come in.

-How are you?

-I'm fine. And you?

-Yeah, very well.

-Go through.

-Nice to see you again.

-And you.

-You've got a lovely place here.

Thank you. Take a seat.

-Would you like a drink?

-No, thanks.

If you don't mind, I'll just plunge straight in.

-It'd be great to get to know you both a bit better.

-Likewise.

I'm very happy to answer any questions you have.

Um, Rob, you work with computers?

Yep. I'm an IT consultant. I troubleshoot for financial firms.

It's very boring.

-OK. And you work from home?

-I do sometimes, yeah.

That's good for the security and stability of the child, to have family around them a lot.

-That's what we thought.

-And you, Lyn?

Um, I work part-time for a small marketing firm.

It's mostly on the phone

but I sometimes get out to meet the clients.

Nice little job but I've got plenty of time left over.

-You lived here long?

-No, not really.

-But we are settled now.

-OK. Pets?

-TOGETHER:

-We had a cat.

-I'm allergic.

We-We-We did have, but it got run over.

-And you've got plenty of room?

-Tons.

Far too much for just the two of us.

Mind if I have a look around?

-It's standard procedure.

-Yeah, of course.

-Where would you like to start?

-Where's your baby going to sleep?

I was hoping you were going to ask that!

After you.

I really do appreciate you being so understanding.

I'm so sorry again for all the trouble.

And, of course, I'll pay for your dishwasher to be repaired.

Don't worry. I'd sooner deal with it myself.

OK.

-Well, bye, then.

-Bye.

The cot registers the temperature with an alarm system.

You can't be too careful.

Absolutely. A baby is a precious thing.

Yeah. Which is why we want to know exactly where ours is coming from.

Let me put your minds at rest.

This process is fully legalised by the Kovenian authorities.

All our children and staff are fully vetted and checked.

But we only have your word for that.

Not that we don't trust you.

We just want to make sure that you're going to keep to the deal, that's all.

That our baby is going to be OK.

I promise you, the welfare of our children is our biggest concern.

Now, if you're not sure

if you want to proceed or not, you need to tell me now.

-We have a very long waiting list. I don't want to pressure you...

-No, no, no. It's fine.

Look, I'm not accusing you of anything.

I just haven't seen any official proof that you can deliver what you're saying.

-I'm not prepared to just hand over the money...

-Rob...

-..without any guarantees.

-Rob!

No, it's fine. I understand.

It's perfectly natural to feel anxious at this whole process.

We prefer our clients to ask us as many questions as we ask you.

That's how we build trust.

These are our agencies' licensed fostering documents,

signed and approved by the state social services.

Now, if you have any other concerns or need any other documentation,

-then please ask and I'll be happy to...

-No, this is... This is fine.

It's... It's fine.

I just wanted to see something in black and white, that's all.

Of course.

No problem.

OK. My old room is still free.

Good. Sorted.

Look, what's done is done, mate. OK?

You were way out of line.

But I really, really liked her. I just wanted...

It's not what Kate wanted, though, was it?

You've got to move on.

I was lonely.

We've all been there.

They love the chase, then as soon as it gets a bit serious, mate, they're off.

Trust me, you're not alone.

But this is not the way.

I know.

I'll give you a lift on one condition.

That you make training every week. No excuses.

-OK.

-All right? Yeah.

HE SIGHS

So, you're really prepared for this?

Becoming a parent again overnight is no easy thing.

We've talked about it over and over.

And really, for me, it's like getting a second chance.

I know I can be a better father this time round.

Cos looking back, I-I...

Just wasn't patient enough, was I, love?

I got all caught up in the discipline, organising everything.

I never really learned to enjoy the time I had with them.

So now I want to do it right.

I want this baby...

..our baby, to be completely loved.

We're good together, so I know we can be really good parents.

I mean, whatever this child has experienced in Kovenia,

we know that we can offer so much more.

Right, I think that's all I need.

Um...

Look, this is a difficult process.

I just want to thank you for being so patient and welcoming me into your home.

-Thank you, too.

-So, what happens now?

Well, from my end, I am extremely happy.

So, really, it's now down to you.

Do you still want to proceed?

Target leaving now. Over.

That was a hell of a performance. I didn't know you had it in you.

I've got many hidden talents. You were pretty convincing yourself.

You swung it, though.

"The Sweeney" RINGTONE

Karen?

'I was getting worried.'

Oh, I'm sorry, love. It's... It's really been hectic.

What, did you not get any of my messages?

I've just been up to my ears in it.

Did you not have a free ten seconds just to check.

I'm really sorry, love

Why didn't you tell me that you were getting up early

cos I would've got up with you, you know? Just...

'I forgot. I've had so much on.'

Listen, love, I am sorry. And I will make it up to you.

Yeah, you will. Dinner's on you.

'Great. Yeah.'

Whenever you want.

'Don't creep.'

I just want us to spend some time together.

'Yeah. So do I.'

Boss!

What's that?

Er, what d'you mean?

-Where are you?

-'Look, you know I can't talk about that.'

-Are you still at work?

-'Yes. Listen...'

Why don't we make it a date? We'll go to that posh French place

'that you like the look of. OK?'

He's staying at a hotel near the station.

That gives us no lead to where he's keeping the children.

Did they speak to the hotel staff?

Nothing.

Karen? Look, I've really got to go, love.

-OK.

-'Right, I'll... I'll see you back home, OK?'

'Bye.'

Oi! Sonny!

HE CACKLES

-What time are you going to be back?

-I don't know. Late, I guess.

-Great(!)

Who was the last British prime minister not to have a wife?

-Thatcher!

-Correct.

-Yes!

Are you ready, or do you need more time?

No. We're ready. Everything's in place. We can't wait.

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