Over a Barrel Doctors

We should've had those down yesterday, really.

-Do you know what time I got to bed at, last night?

-Yeah.

I was waiting for you.

I had to get all the brewery stuff ready for his nibs.

Sort out the cellar, finish the banking.

You were going to do that this morning.

Yeah, but I've got to still clean out all the lines.

Did you remind him to bring the new paperwork?

Oh, yeah, about 50 times.

I swear, one day I'm going to swing for that little...

After we've signed it, yeah?

Yes, well, we'll manage. Thanks for letting us know.

Dr Granger.

Saying he's going to be late on his first day back.

-What's he like, eh?

-So much for a new leaf.

I think it is going to be strange, him coming back, do you not think?

-Things have run much more smoothly without him.

-Have they?

Well, let's hope it's not going to be too much of an issue.

No. No, no, not at all.

-Be nice to start the year on a positive note.

-Wouldn't it just?

Dr Granger should have thought about that

before he ruined a marriage to satisfy his own lust.

To be fair, Cherry had a bit to do with that as well.

Oh, yeah. Despicable!

Who are we to judge?

Those whom God hath joined let no man put asunder.

Morning, Jimmi.

Oh, Dr Clay, your notes.

Thank you.

KNOCK AT DOOR Is that him already?

No, that'll be Stan.

Can you just serve him, I'll get these downstairs, yeah?

OK, but then I've got to go.

I could really do with you being here, love.

I've got the doctor's. I told you last night.

When?

Morning, Stan.

So what is it, what's up?

Nothing really. Just a check-up.

-Come on, Chrissie, it must be something.

-Usual?

You all right, Stan?

-Well?

-Love, I'm fine.

All right, suit yourself.

Oh!

Careful, David...

All right, I'll show it to Josh today.

Fat lot of good that'll do.

It's down to them, isn't it? Health and safety.

Health and safety?! They're a death trap.

Sorry, Stan.

Oh, are you all right?

Mm. Yeah, fine, thanks.

Must be really hard for you.

What's that?

Yeah, well, don't worry.

It'll be back to normal in no time.

What do you mean?

Well, he'll have smarmed his way in like he always does.

He'll start on the new lot first,

then get them eating out of his hands and move on to everyone else,

-Zara included, probably.

-Hmm, I doubt that somehow.

Straight back on his feet. Gets me every time, makes me sick.

Oh, Jimmi. What he did was despicable

and there's nobody here that thinks different.

But it's not about him now, is it? It's about whether you can stand it.

Whether you can work with him without wringing his neck!

Yeah, well, we'll see.

So what's he like, then?

Ooh, just your standard-issue slimeball.

If he was chocolate he'd eat himself.

Good-looking, though, to be fair.

Ha! And doesn't he know it?

So what you're saying is, I've got some competition.

I don't know, Al.

-Mr Wilson.

-Morning.

Do you always have that effect on women? Not from what I hear, anyway.

Dr Alisdair Haskey. Our new associate, Daniel Granger.

Call me Al.

Give me ten minutes.

Five!

-KNOCK AT DOOR

-Come in.

Mrs Tembe, hi.

Your notes, Dr Granger.

Thank you very much. Did you have a nice Christmas?

-Another pint there, Stan, aye?

-Aye, I'll have another one.

-Do you want the racing on?

-Yes, please.

Which channel is it?

METAL CLANGS

What the...?

HE HONKS HORN

Oi, oi, oi, oi! Hang on!

Thanks for that, Josh.

Yeah. Maybe you should lose those.

I'll see you next week.

Mrs Summersby, please?

Mrs Welsh?

Come though. I hope I haven't kept you waiting.

-Not at all.

-I got off to a dreadful start today.

They were not joking!

Not sure about these, Davey. How about some sofas?

And I see you've got nothing out the back, family-wise.

Yeah, well, there's not a lot of room.

Ball pool might work. With some netting.

Kids love it, gives the parents some peace.

Sounds more like a holding pen.

And this menu... Sorry, Davey.

Oi, her lasagne's second to none, all right?

Mmm, we could do you some sushi bites or tapenade.

Lighten it up a bit.

Hey, Stan, fancy some tapenade, aye(?)

And Simon always likes to smell coffee.

-Whether they're drinking it or not.

-And who's Simon?

My new boss.

YOUR new boss.

Curtains. Not sure.

Blinds are good. Shutters even better.

-Do you remember what this place used to be like?

-Yeah, they really let it go.

Right. Well, one small step at a time then, yeah?

Hey! Only suggestions, mate. Your baby.

Afternoon.

What can I get you?

I just feel queasy all the time, tired, a few headaches

and a bit tender, if you know what I mean.

Are your periods regular?

No, and that was worrying me.

OK, have you missed taking any pills?

Don't think so.

-Any sickness at all?

-No, not really.

OK. Have you taken a pregnancy test?

No, but...

-Well, perhaps we should start from there.

-No, I can't be.

Are you sure?

Well, no, but I just can't.

OK, well, let's eliminate that possibility first.

Hi, Heston.

Hello.

Erm, you know that big house... your mates' place?

I wouldn't call the Fitzwilliams "mates".

Is it nice?

Oh, it's fantastic. There's a picture in Letherbridge Life.

Well, I've been thinking about it, house-sitting and that.

Have you changed your mind?

Just think it might help. Change of scenery.

From Freya's?

Her parents have been great,

letting me stay there and everything,

and I still feel really close to her.

I could do with a break.

I'll see what they say.

-Oh, thanks, Heston.

-If they haven't left already.

-What, the house?

-No, the country.

I just don't see how!

It's not like we've been, you know,

together all that much lately anyway.

We've just been that busy.

It just takes the once.

But seriously, what are the chances?!

If you knew how bad the timing was.

In what way?

We took on this pub last year.

The Milestone in Holbury Road.

We've had it on a trial and now they're offering us the lease.

Congratulations.

But we've worked so hard. I mean, 24 hours a day.

Right mess, it was.

Well, a total dump, to tell you the truth.

And we're just starting to get there,

you know, it really picked up over Christmas.

There's no way we could just pack it in now.

We couldn't even afford to anyway.

I'm sure you'll find a way.

Well, yeah.

We've got no choice.

I couldn't, you know...

Not have it.

No?

I did it once before...

when I was a teenager.

Erm...

Never again.

I couldn't even think about it now.

Well, then, maybe you need to go and have a chat with your husband.

But he'll go mad.

He's so stressed out at the moment it's unbelievable.

Sometimes people surprise you.

It's him who'll be surprised. He'll hit the roof!

So, come and see me if there's any sort of problem.

Do you have any children?

Yes, two.

-One of each?

-Uh-huh.

-Course you do.

-Sorry?

Ah, you just look sort of...content.

Bye.

Sorry.

'Does all that make sense?'

Yeah, perfect sense. We sign up to sell twice as much of your beer for half the profit

or you throw us out on our ears.

Davey, there's a lot more to this business than beer, OK?

Look, you're well down on your FABs.

These people don't drink alcopops.

And I don't see any Wi-Fi or space to park buggies.

-That's because it's a pub, not a creche!

-See what I mean?

You've just written off a whole demographic called "family".

Juices, coffees, energy drinks.

High margins, no duty.

Yeah, well, we do all of that.

Yeah, well, start thinking smoothies. Simon's very keen.

I'm sorry, you do work for a brewery, yeah?

No.

A leisure services provider.

Have to say, mate, I'm getting a lot of negativity here.

How would you feel if somebody said you'd wasted the last eight months of your life?

Have you got some nuts?

Do you have any idea how much money and time we've put into this place?

-Our money, not yours.

-Honey ones would be good.

And now you're saying take a pay cut or walk away with nothing?!

Yeah, it's called business, Davey.

Would you stop calling me Davey...

Everything all right?

It's fine.

Fine.

KNOCK AT DOOR

Yeah?

Hi.

I was thinking, it's no good us just dodging each other all day.

So why don't we say what's on our minds and...

see if we can't find a way through this.

OK. For what it's worth, I'm in a much better place now.

I've had a lot of time to think.

Reflect on what I've done.

The damage.

And I've got regular access to see Joe now, which is helping me a lot.

Good for you.

Look, Jimmi, I know that things will never be the same between us.

Which is entirely my fault, OK?

Because I did something that was wrong and which I utterly regret...

Yeah, you've said.

But I still hope we can manage to work together, civilly.

You know? Professionally.

But if you don't feel that you can bring yourself to do that...

What, you'll leave?

No.

But I'll understand fully.

Yeah, whatever.

-Sorry?

-That's what we'll do, then. Whatever you want.

Just, erm...

keep out my way, will you?

There's the new agreement, yeah?

And I know some of the prices might seem on the high side.

Daylight robbery side.

But if I can get you any discounts, going forward.

Yeah, yeah...

What we're offering you here is security, yeah?

For the next six years.

And sorry, but that does come at a premium, OK?

Real world, what can I say?

Your call.

What do you think?

We need some more time.

I'll stop by on the way back.

-Cheers.

-Yes, thanks, Josh.

Any probs, just bell me, OK?

-The jumped-up, thieving little swine.

-All right, all right.

He's never been in a real pub in his life!

-Cheap suit, cheap degree - thinks he knows the lot!

-Keep your voice down though, eh?

-We should've known this place was no good. We're flogging a dead horse!

-David, shh!

So how was it at the doctor's?

-I'll tell you later.

-Come on, don't be mucking around now.

Well, nothing, really.

It's just... Ah, you're not going to believe this...

See them curtains? He even started banging on about those!

Do you remember what they were like?

And you can forget about your holidays.

We'll be lucky if we get one day off a month.

-I'm trying to tell you something!

-Yeah, but so am I, love!

All right? We're finished. Our whole future, dead in the water.

Bye, Stan.

I'm sorry, what were you saying?

Forget it. Doesn't matter.

-I'll see you later tonight, mate.

-Cheerio.

'Have you had an accident that wasn't your fault

'at work, at home, or in the street?

'Then we're here to help. Because we care.'

-No, I'm sorry.

-Can't you leave a message?

-I have, twice.

-What about their mobiles?

They're in South Africa. You should have said something at the time.

-I know, I know...

-I think you've missed the boat.

Can't you keep trying? Please?

David?

Where are you?

David?

What are you doing?

Will you stop it?

Stop!

-What do you think you were doing?!

-Seemed like a good idea at the time.

You stupid, stupid idiot!

I wasn't going to do it, I was just thinking about it.

-What for?!

-So that we could get our money back.

And you think they'd have believed you?

They'd have a hard time proving otherwise.

And what about me, huh? If you'd have broken your neck?

Well, that's one good thing about the brewery - great life insurance.

-You are really pushing it now!

-Well, at least one of us would have a good life.

Will you just listen to yourself?! You're obsessed!

It's just money, all the time and this stinking, rotten pub!

I know, I know. I'm sorry, all right?!

-We don't even have a marriage any more.

-What are you talking about?

No, that's it. Finished!

-Chrissie...

-No! Leave me alone!

Yes, well, if you could pass that on it would be much appreciated.

I have been trying all day. Thank you.

Why do I bother?

-Oh, not you as well, Dr Carter.

-Sorry?

Oh, everyone seems so on edge today.

What, because of Daniel?

And then of course there's Chris and Emma.

Oh, have you spoken to them at all?

Five minutes, that's all.

I don't think we're open.

I need to see Dr Granger.

We are closed.

It's quite important.

Then I will make you another appointment.

But he said any time.

Yes, I'm sure he did.

Is something wrong?

I'm trying to explain to this young lady

that we are closed at lunchtime.

-It's fine. Come through.

-Thank you very much. Sorry about that.

Don't worry about it.

There's dedication for you.

Yes. So long as they have a pretty face.

-I'll only be a minute.

-It's fine. Take your time.

You keep saying that.

It's just, I've thought it all through,

and yes, I think we should think me about me having a...

-Termination? Are you sure?

-Yes. Absolutely.

OK, in which case, I'll need to sign some forms

and refer you to a second doctor at a clinic.

Thank you.

Did you speak to your husband?

There's no point.

You don't know the half of it.

Well, I'm sure I don't, but I think he has a right to know.

He's just not ready for a child.

-He's acting like one himself.

-Really?

You wouldn't believe it.

I'm sure I would. I've done some pretty silly things in my time.

But children have a great way of making you grow up, very quickly.

We can always try again later. When we're ready.

You think this is wrong, don't you?

I don't take a view either way.

-But you're a parent.

-I just want what's best for you, Chrissie.

You're the one that counts here.

Shall I make the appointment?

So, did you speak to Emma?

I sent her a text.

-And?

-No reply yet.

Well, maybe we should give her a call?

-Howard?

-You do know they must be going through hell?

-Of course.

-And I don't think we should intrude on that. Do you?

Well, how bad was the stroke?

I'm sure she'll tell us when she's ready.

-I'll call St Philomena's.

-You'll do nothing of the sort.

Why not? If we're concerned...

Because I think she deserves some privacy when it comes to her husband.

So we'll just hold on and wait for her to call.

Chrissie, I'm sorry.

Just don't. All right?

Come on, let's just get out of here, yeah?

-Cut our losses.

-And do what?

We'll go to another pub, with a lot less grief.

You don't want that though, do you?

Yeah, I know. But what about what you want?

Do you know how long we've been together?

Ten years? Oh, no, hang on...

12. And in all that time it's only ever been one thing -

having our own business.

And look how far it's got us!

Being held to ransom by that little twerp.

I know. I know, it's all my fault.

I don't care who's fault it is, I just want it to stop.

Just think about it, will you? All the things we've given up.

Are you talking about your car again?

No, David! My child!

When we were at college.

She'd have been going to big school this year.

-Chrissie, don't.

-Or he would have.

What are you thinking about this now for? After all this time?

Because I can't do it again, that's why.

What are you talking about?

What do you think, you daft...

The doctor's!

He said it was only me that counts,

but I feel like just the opposite

and I just can't do it again, I can't!

It's all right, it's all right. It's OK, love.

Please don't make me.

I've never made you do anything you didn't want to do.

So?

David,

I'm pregnant.

Yeah, I know.

And what do you think?

I think it's the best news I've heard in my entire life.

What, really?

Come here!

Oh, I love you so much.

-And I love you.

-Shh...

Well, I hope you enjoy Cape Town.

I remember the Constantia Valley and the gorgeous red wine!

Yes. Oh, actually she's here now.

Yes. She's a nurse and she's very responsible.

Gardening? Yes I think she'll be fine with the gardening.

Anyway, it'll be quite light at this time of the year.

Do I look like Alan Titchmarsh?

Oh, you have pets?

I think that'll be fine. Yes, yes, she loves pets.

And you have a pond, yes, and rabbits.

-And the other thing you've just mentioned.

-What thing?

I imagine they would need cleaning out.

No, no, no.

Yeah, she may have a slight allergic reaction to...

Look, if they wanted a slave, then they should have just asked for one.

Oh, there's a fee?

-Let me just...write that...

-(How much?)

-OK.

OK, yes. OK, that's very good.

You know, I'm not sure.

You see, she does do rather long hours.

H-H-Hello? Yeah, Mrs Fitzwilliams? Actually it's A-man-da. Yeah.

No, thank you, that was really, really generous,

thank you very much.

No, no, no. Just some antihistamines and I'll be fine.

You would have loved it. He was in there like a shot.

I bet he was.

Back five minutes and they're already salivating at his door.

Sorry, who's that?

Daniel.

What about him?

Just some dolly bird.

His patient, you mean?

Seeing as Daniel's a doctor? No, hang on, he's a partner.

-Hey, dude, we're on your side.

-Yeah, there are no sides, OK?

And even if there were, it'd still be none of your business.

Grow up, keep your noses out.

You still sure, yeah?

Listen, I'm on a flyer here, sorry. Big things happening back at base.

So if you haven't made up your minds yet...

We have.

-That right?

-Mm-hmm.

-And?

-Oh, we're staying.

Fantastic.

But first we want those stairs made safe, yeah?

-Tomorrow.

-And we want a break.

-Two weeks, starting from next week.

-You got it. Just book some cover.

We will. And what was the other thing?

-Maternity leave.

-Yes. Yeah, we want two months.

-For David.

Excuse me?

And six for me.

No, I'm sorry, no way.

There's no provision for that length of cover

under the terms of this agreement.

Yes, we know. We read it.

Which is why I've just got off the phone from Simon.

-You what?

-Well, you know, with all this family-friendly stuff,

we figured, what about us?

And what did he say?

He made us a better offer.

Much better. He's got three kids himself, you know?

Yes, I know.

So it's all about security.

Oh, yeah, and he said he wanted to see you as soon as you get back.

What about?

What was it?

Ooh, something about one complaint too many?

Nuts?

Hey, listen, I'm sure things are going to settle down, soon.

I'm sure.

-Hi.

-Oh, sorry, are you going?

-Everything OK?

-Yeah. It's just, we've talked about it now

and we won't be needing that appointment.

We're having the baby.

-Congratulations. That's great news.

-Thanks. Listen...

Thank you so much.

Well, I didn't really do anything.

-No, you've been brilliant, you really have.

-Yeah, thanks.

Well, it is time I was leaving.

And listen, if you ever fancy a drink.

-No, a meal.

-You've not lived until you've tasted her lasagne.

Seriously? Sounds good to me.

We'd love it. Anytime.

Good night.

Uh-huh.

Look, I just don't do gossip, OK?

Yeah, you said.

Well, I'm sorry.

Don't be sorry. I just thought that you, of all people...

What do you want me to do? Slag him off behind his back?

I've known Daniel a long time, OK?

And yeah, he's a complete and utter...

I just think he's been ill, OK?

Is that supposed to be an excuse?

No, but it explains a few things.

And if I can accept that, I don't see why everyone else can't?

No, because it makes you look like a fool, Jimmi!

-You do not know the first thing about what happened!

-No, I don't, and I don't want to know.

-Right, then keep it shut!

-Are you really that much of a saint, Jimmi?

You're going to let him swagger back in here and do nothing?

After all your pain? You're just going to forgive and forget?

You disappoint me, Jimmi. I think you're worth more than that.

If I was him, I think I'd just give up.

-Chris, you can't say that.

-Mandy, the man can't move!

-Like it?

-Come on, mate, I've been in nick, not the Army.

Jay!

Jay!

If he was your patient, what do you think his outlook would be?

Pretty bleak, I'd say. Let's not pretend otherwise.

-I came outside and there he was, choking.

-You stupid pig!

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