Thicker Than Water Doctors

MUSIC: "How Do You Like Your Eggs In The Morning?" By Dean Martin

# How do you like your eggs In the morning?

# I like mine with a kiss

# Boiled or fried?

# I'm satisfied As long as I get my kiss

# How do you like your toast In the morning?

# I like mine with a hug

# Dark or light?

# The world's all right As long as I get my hug

# I've got to have my love in the morning

SHE LAUGHS

# Or the rest of my day Is positively mayhem

# I'm a regular monster

# How do you like your eggs In the morning?

# I like mine with a kiss

# Up or down?

# I'll never frown

# Eggs can be almost bliss

# Just as long as... #

Paul!

Paul!

Paul!

7244, the incident with the two IC3 males.

I think we've just found them.

Whoa-whoa!

It's all right, officer. There's no need to arrest him.

We've had a report of a disturbance, sir.

I didn't call you...

-What's your name?

-Paul.

Paul Segunle. He's my nephew.

He broke something in my office. It was nothing.

What did you do that for?

His mother has just died. I don't want to press charges.

-Are you the building's owner, sir?

-No. I rent an office there.

It'll be up to the building's owner,

if any of his property's been damaged.

-We'll sort this out down the station.

-He's 16.

You can't interview him without an appropriate adult.

I suggest you speak with his grandparents,

he lives with them now. I can give you their number.

OK, thanks.

And his hands are bleeding.

Right, well, we'll get the doctor to have a look at that. Come on.

It'll be OK, they don't need stitches.

-Sergeant Hollins said that you'd lost your Mum.

-So?

I'm sorry.

Do you have anyone you can talk to?

Don't need to talk. I'm dealing with it.

What, by smashing windows?

He deserves it.

Your uncle? Why?

Like I'm going to tell you. The Feds.

I'm not a Fed. I'm a doctor.

Yeah, right. So's he. Supposedly.

Paul, has your uncle done something?

He killed my Mum.

Anybody want any rocket?

-Bit healthy for me.

-It grows all year round,

you can pick it whenever you want for your salads.

Nurse Marquez, there is a bit of a smell.

I can smell it, as well.

Do you mind? I had a shower this morning.

The burner's working beautifully now.

I think it is manure.

Check your shoes.

He runs this practice.

Alternative medicine. Live blood testing.

Yeah. I've heard of it.

Well, Mum got ill.

It didn't seem serious at first.

She had this cough and felt run down.

So she went to see him.

I thought...

Well, we both thought that he'd cure her.

So he took some of her blood,

put it under this microscope

and showed us it on the screen.

He said it was vitamin deficiency

and all he had to do was give her some pills and she'd be fine.

So she kept seeing him,

kept taking the pills.

She said she was feeling better, but...

she was getting worse.

I mean, anyone could see it.

But he wouldn't let her see a regular doctor.

He said that if she did, he'd stop treating her.

Then, one day...

she collapsed at work.

What happened?

What do you think?

I'm so sorry.

If she hadn't gone to see him, if he'd let her see a proper doctor...

He knew his pills weren't working, but he didn't care,

as long as she kept paying him!

If you really think your uncle's a fraud,

then maybe you should talk to the police.

They won't listen to me.

Why not? If you've been in any trouble in the past.

Been stopped and searched plenty of times, though.

Look. Sergeant Hollins and PC Miles, they're not like that.

You should talk to them.

You know what? Don't worry, yeah?

I'll sort this out my own way.

What are you going to do?

Attack him? Vandalise his office?

What's that going to achieve? What'll that get you?

It'll get you a record.

Your uncle will walk away and he'll do it to someone else.

Not only that, thanks to you, he'll look like a victim.

-Is that what you really want?

-So what are you going to do?

Talk to Sergeant Hollins. Tell him what you told me.

Just do what you want.

Will you come with me, make a statement?

He's fit to interview.

No need.

You're being released without charge.

What?

Your uncle's spoken to the building manager

and all charges are being dropped, so thanks to him, you're free to go.

One, two, three.

So, what's the plan for today then?

Lads' day out.

Have a bit of brekkie at Cafe Favela.

It's nice, you'll like it, and it's accessible.

Isn't a favela a slum?

Eh, yeah. But it's pretty trendy.

Then we're going to go and do some shopping

and have lunch at another accessible restaurant.

Then we're going to check out the local gallery

and then go and watch a film.

That sounds like a lot to pack into one day.

Yeah, well, you know, take it at your pace.

Mum never lets you do anything, Dad, and that's part of the problem.

To be fair, I am recovering from a stroke.

She's been like it ever since the accident.

-Thanks for taking the day off work.

-I wanted to.

It'll be good to spend some time together.

Anyway - door, freezing!

People like Joseph Segunle are a menace.

He's a quack.

There's a lot of them about.

Assuming Paul's telling us the truth,

then his uncle is partly responsible for his mum's death.

No-one in the family believes him.

Oh! Joseph Segunle is putting lives at risk.

-Is he?

-Yes!

Fleecing hypochondriacs is one thing, but there'll be some people that go to him

with serious underlying conditions.

He strictly forbids them from consulting with anyone else - course he does.

Because any real doctor would know that Joseph's treatment's worthless.

He's stopping them getting a proper diagnosis.

Getting treatment that could save their lives.

There's nothing we can charge him.

Not manslaughter or murder. Or anything, actually.

There's nothing we can do.

Nothing you can do.

I can, though. I can book a consultation.

See how he operates.

Go to school. Make the most of your education.

Everyone else thinks you're this miracle doctor.

But I know what you are.

And what am I?

Grace was my baby sister.

I'd have done anything to save her. But it wasn't to be.

You don't give a toss!

As long as you got mum's money so you can buy your expensive cars.

Live blood testing? It's blood money!

Go to school.

Maybe they'll teach you some manners.

Or would you rather go back to the police station?

There. That's better.

Now get out of my car.

It's time.

Go and study.

Make the most of your education.

-What do you mean we can't come in?!

-Chris.

-It's a fire hazard. I'm sorry.

-Are you being serious?

Yeah, it's against the rules.

OK, well, if that's the case I'm never coming here again.

I'm going to tell all my mates and they'll boycott the place too.

And I really hope that you go out of business really soon!

Chris. Come on, let's go.

No, it's stupid, saying you're a fire hazard.

Absolutely, I know. When was the last time I ever burst into flames?

It doesn't matter. I've got a Plan B.

So, Mr Clay. Tell me, how are you feeling?

I'm just run-down, generally.

You're lethargic. You have no energy. No appetite?

That's right.

You feel tired all the time but when you go to bed, you can't sleep.

No, not properly.

Hmmm. Have you been to your doctor?

Yeah, he's useless, he doesn't listen to me.

And he has no time for you.

He just wants to dole out pills and move on to the next patient.

You're right, you know. You're spot-on.

Mr Clay, are you familiar with the scientific principles

behind live blood testing?

Well, I've had a look on your website.

And you've had blood tests before? From a hospital or a clinic?

Yeah, of course.

By the time they get your blood, it's already dead.

It's no good. The enzymes, amino acids, red cells, white cells,

nothing is active.

No-one can make a reliable diagnosis from it.

I put your blood under a microscope straight away.

And that tells me everything I need to know about your health.

Whether you're are anaemic, depressed, diuretic...

Diuretic?

Diabetic.

With live blood testing,

we can detect an illness before you even know you've got it.

We can see serious illness up to two years earlier

than conventional medicine.

I'll let the nurse know we're ready to take a sample.

Yes.

Thank you.

I'd really love to see the Ironbridge stuff.

We have, Dad. It was in the other room.

Oh, yeah, of course.

Just testing.

I think I might need to change the catheter bag.

-OK. I'll just go and find the toilet.

-OK.

That is your living blood. And I can see the problem.

What? What is it?

A complex vitamin deficiency.

The enzymes are not producing enough red blood cells

to cleanse your blood.

See these cells here?

-Mmm.

-They're shrivelled.

I will give you some pills to take,

and next time you come to see me they'd have plumped up again.

They will be healthy. And you'll be healthy.

Right, so I need some vitamins? I'll go to the chemist.

Why would you do that?

You're my patient.

You came to me. I am prescribing for you.

If you went to some other doctor,

they'd prescribe something that cancels out my treatment,

or worse, is actually harmful.

If you went somewhere else, I couldn't carry on treating you.

It would be against all my professional ethics.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...

The pills you buy in the shop will not cure you.

Only my pills can do that.

They will correct the deficiency,

boost your immune system,

and cleanse your blood of all impurities.

Scientific studies have proven

that my treatment will reduce the risk of cancer by up to 50%.

Wow.

That's great, if it can do that, because my mum died of cancer.

It runs in the family, so any way of reducing...

The treatment will work.

How much?

£1,000.

And you'll feel a thousand times better!

I accept cheque or credit cards.

What price can you put on health?

Exactly!

And if you cannot afford it all in one go, I have a payment plan.

And if you cannot afford it all in one go, I have a payment plan.

Very funny. Cut it out, right?

So I just need to take these?

Are there any side-effects?

No. No side-effects at all.

What's in them?

100% natural ingredients.

It's a herbal remedy. No chemicals.

Everything's got chemicals. Even air and water.

How are you going to pay?

What's my blood group?

It doesn't matter. The treatment will work.

Yeah, but what is it though? If you've analysed my blood, you'll know what it is.

Rhesus Positive.

I'm A.

And I'm a GP.

Then why are you here?

I wanted to see if you're as big a fraud as you looked on your website.

I am not a fraud. I have cured hundreds of patients.

You have no medical knowledge whatsoever.

Like so many ordinary doctors, you have a closed mind.

I have fellowships from some of the finest universities in the world.

The University of Central Stockport doesn't exist.

Neither does the Institute of Herbal Physicians.

And if you sell cancer-preventing drugs,

why did Grace Segunle die of cancer?

If you've quite finished hurling wild accusations around, you should leave.

You're wasting my time.

I have patients who genuinely need my help.

People you would rather rip off with your fake medicine?

How dare you come in here and question my medical judgement?

I'm not just going to question it.

I'm going to make sure your business gets closed.

You can't stop me. Everything I do is legal.

We'll see about that.

Hey! What're you doing?

-You better get lost before I break something.

-Chris.

-This is assault!

-I don't care.

-Chris. Come on, leave it.

I really need to take this catheter bag out.

-Is he all right?

-Yeah, I'm fine. My son's taking care of me.

Is there no teachers with those kids?

-That's bang out of order, and...

-Whoa, Chris, Chris...

I'm sorry.

Please, let's just go home, yeah? Let's just go home.

Come on.

Hi, honey, I'm home!

-Edward?

-I'm in here.

What's the matter? Has something happened?

Yeah.

Poppy turned me down.

Oh.

Oh, that's terrible!

I've never felt like this about anyone before. What am I going to do?

Forget Poppy.

Find yourself a nice, ordinary girl, who won't mess you around.

You've obviously never been in love.

Fine. OK.

He's a charlatan.

Yes, I know, but even if we arrest him,

we have to prove that the pills aren't doing any good.

He's never going to admit to that.

He's always going to believe in what he's selling, so it's not fraud.

We can't even get him struck off, because he's not a real doctor.

OK, you might have failed, but at least you tried.

So that's it? He as good as kills Paul's mum, and gets away with it?

There must be something we can do.

Jimmi. You can't fix everything. You can't make it all OK.

Sarge, a word.

Yeah, go on, Brian.

Joseph Segunle's in reception, making a complaint.

Against the doc.

This man barged into my office and subjected me

to a completely unprovoked assault.

He threatened me.

Said he'd do everything he could to put me out of business.

He used vile and racist language.

I wish to file a complaint.

That's a very serious accusation. Dr Clay?

Go on, then. I must warn you I recorded the conversation.

What?

Yeah. On my mobile.

I recorded the conversation in your so-called consultation,

what you told me about that miracle treatment.

This is outrageous! This is entrapment...

I know I can't use it to put you out of business.

But the whole conversation's on there.

So if I used racist abuse, it'd be there.

Do you want to listen to it?

I don't wish to pursue the complaint.

How come?

There has been a misunderstanding.

A mis...

I'm prepared to let it go for now.

I just wanted to...

I must go...

Mr Segunle, I think you should see a doctor.

Mr Segunle! Rob, do you want to call an ambulance?

You know, I'm going to write to the gallery about this, Dad.

And I'm going to contact that kid's school.

AND I'm going to ring the Council.

They've got a Disability Access Officer, for goodness' sake!

Chris.

You could have stopped this.

You know, you can't just blow up at people.

I'm sorry.

It was partly my fault, anyway.

Next time we go somewhere, I'm going to plan it better.

-And I'm going to make sure we go to places that you can...

-Listen.

Some of the things I could do, even after the accident,

I can't do any more.

Other things, basic things, are a lot more difficult.

It's no-one's fault.

There's no point in getting angry about it.

You came to see me. That was good of you.

I came to see Paul, really.

I've had a scan. They're talking about a brain tumour.

I saw their faces. They didn't reassure me.

They didn't tell me I was going to be all right.

Am I dying?

I don't know.

But you're in the right place, Joseph,

you'll get the best possible care here.

And it's free.

-You probably think I deserve to die this way.

-No.

I'm not a criminal.

I sold people hope.

Is Paul here?

He's outside. And your parents are.

Do you want me to get them in?

He's a good boy to come and see me.

Tell him I forgive him.

OK. I'll tell him.

-Right, I'm off.

-Off?

One of my mates called. He's got a lead on Poppy.

-A lead?

-She's going to Cancun.

Alex's stepmum has a beach house out there, everyone's going.

Don't any of you have to work?

You're going to Mexico to woo Poppy?

There's a flight out of Birmingham at 11.

I can be in Cancun for breakfast.

You're leaving now? Can't you stay for dinner? It's nearly ready.

No time, got to shoot.

Don't look at me like that.

You'll be fine.

You've really got the hang of everything now.

Oh, there's a fox, so keep an eye on the chickens.

And the septic tank will need emptying.

What? That was not on the list. There's a septic tank?

What am I supposed to do with that?

It's a doddle. You're a practical sort of girl.

Come here.

You're sweet. It's been fun.

HORN BLOWS

That's my cab! Take care!

When he took me to school, he went weird. Like, blanked out.

Is that the illness?

Could be.

So, is he going to die?

They'll do everything they can.

But I've had a chat with the consultant,

and they're not very hopeful.

He's left it too late.

Good.

Do you read the Bible?

I'm not religious.

It's there. In the Old Testament.

"An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth".

He let my Mum die, now he's paying.

It's all God's justice.

SCREECHING

It's just the foxes. You can do this.

SCREECHING

Mand?

Oh!

Whoa!

Where did you get that?

You and I. The two musketeers.

You are joking.

Pay good money to spend an evening with middle class do-gooders?

Have you told your mother?

Don't do that to me!

-Have you?

-Of course not!

She's impeccable company. She's the perfect companion, really.

Perfect date, really.

Date?

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