Changes Doctors

CHURCH ORGAN PLAYS

MUSIC: "He's The Lily Of The Valley"

# He's the lily of the valley

# Oh my Lord

# He's the lily of the valley

# Oh my Lord... #

Oh! Barbara.

# ..Oh my Lord

# With four white horses side by side

# Oh my Lord. #

It's only been in force for a day

and already some imbecile is parked in a staff space.

Anyone called the company?

-Actually...

-No, of course not. Don't worry.

-I'll do it myself.

-Howard, a word to the wise...

Not now, Heston. I've got a call to make.

Zara. This is a surprise.

Howard, take a seat, please.

This is my office.

Technically, this building and everything in it is owned by the stakeholders.

Which means that I own one quarter and you own precisely nothing.

And never will, as I intend to block your application to become a partner.

I really have to get to work.

Now, the vestry is finished. May I leave you to lock up?

Why, Doreen!

You have altered but a few elements

and the whole display has come to life.

It's a particular hobby.

I do lots of courses.

Including Flora In Praise Of The Lord at the cathedral last month.

Well, it has paid off. You have a real talent.

I confess, I was rather hoping it might bump me up the list

for a place on the ladies' flower rota.

I fear there is more chance of a camel getting through the eye of a needle.

I don't see why it has to be limited to 12.

As there are 12 apostles,

so there are - and always has been - 12 members of the flower rota.

Perhaps if you appealed to Mrs Land,

she may be persuaded to make an exception in your case.

It is regrettable, of course,

and I apologise unreservedly for not consulting you properly.

-That's as may be...

-But I felt it in the best interests of the practice

to have the stability that I can offer.

It's down to the partners to decide what's in the best interests of the practice.

Particularly when you choose to make yourself conspicuous by your absence.

Well, I'm back now.

Indeed you are. The question is - for how long?

I'm between contracts

and I intend to use the time to put my house in order.

I see. In that case,

I've prepared a comprehensive proposal for Heston and Daniel

which was favourably received.

I trust you'll lend me the courtesy of listening to it

before you make your decision.

Shall we say two o'clock. My office?

Of course, Howard.

That seems perfectly fair.

The latest affront. Have you read this?

Not as yet.

Then I suggest you do.

And in particular, the article by our new vicar - Focus On Change.

Huh! Destroy Our Sacred Heritage, more like.

Take it, Mrs Tembe. It will make your hair stand on end.

I will be sure to read it.

Immediate action is required.

I'm calling an emergency meeting of the Ladies Committee at lunchtime.

-To what end?

-So we can vote against his proposals

and present our objections as a united front.

I take it we can count on your presence?

Alas, I fear I am particularly busy today.

In that case, I'll be sure to keep you personally informed.

Hi. You want one?

-No, thanks.

-Have a seat.

-I can't stay.

Five minutes. We didn't get a chance to talk about us last night.

Talk about what?

Well, are you staying? Where are you staying?

How's Joe? Maybe I could see him tonight.

I'd like to keep our conversations at work strictly to that.

But since you're asking, I'm staying for as long as it takes to sort out the mess you and Heston have made.

Where I'm staying is none of your business.

Our access arrangements to Joe remain unchanged. You can see him once a week.

I'm meeting with Howard later to discuss his application

for partnership.

As you and Heston so hastily acceded to it without consultation,

I expect you both to be there.

-Fine.

-Two o'clock. Julia's office.

I was hoping we could rely on you to organise the refreshments.

I volunteer in the charity shop this morning.

Surely they can spare you for a couple of hours.

After all, this is an emergency.

Yes, of course.

Excellent. You, Doreen, are a stalwart.

Talking of rotas, I was wondering

if I could talk to you about the flowers?

Still no spaces, I'm afraid.

I don't suppose it would be possible to increase the numbers?

It's just I've been on a course...

Out of the question.

There aren't enough Sundays in the year for more than a dozen of us.

Now, I was thinking... a few rounds of sandwiches

and maybe one of your excellent lemon cakes?

Mrs Tembe.

Oh, good morning, Reverend. What can I do for you?

I was passing and thought I'd save myself the stamp.

Very frugal. I will make sure Doctor Clay gets it.

And while I'm here, can I leave you this?

I have already read it.

-And?

-I think you have a fight on your hands.

As you know, people do not like change.

If people didn't fight for their beliefs, we'd all still be Roman Catholic.

And I have my own vision. Our church,

restored to its rightful place as the fulcrum of the community.

Talking of the Ladies Committee,

I expect you're going to Barbara's meeting?

I have no interest in their rabble rousing.

I wish you would.

I hope you are not expecting me to spy for you?

I was hoping you might persuade the more intransigent elements

to rethink some of my less controversial changes.

And what makes you think I don't agree with them?

Because I think, in your heart of hearts, you share my vision.

I am not one for getting involved in politics.

Everything is politics, and in my opinion,

you're the perfect woman for the job.

I am also immune to flattery.

Besides, what makes you think that Mrs Land and her cohorts would listen to me, anyway?

You underestimate yourself.

PHONE RINGS

Campus surgery. Good morning.

Yes, Mr Thomas.

KNOCK AT DOOR

Mandy.

Oh! I heard you were back.

For the time being. How are you doing?

I mean, is it getting any easier?

Um... Zara, this is Chris Reid. Our new nurse.

Zara Carmichael.

No relation of Emma, I hope?

She's my mum.

Is she indeed? Well, well, well. Quite the little family we've got going on here, haven't we?

Chris has been doing a really good job.

That's a small sliver of consolation considering how this place

has gone to the dogs in my absence.

-Apropos of which, I'd like your purchase orders for the last three months.

-Sure.

-By tomorrow will do.

He's a loose cannon. If you'll forgive the pun.

He's a disgrace to the church.

Don't you agree, Doreen?

Well, yes...and no.

After Reverend Stanhope, I find myself rather

enjoying his energy and enthusiasm.

Charity and I have been discussing the flower rota.

And as Mrs Dunstan's eyes are getting worse, it seems

she may be forced to step down soon.

Which will leave a vacancy.

For another like-minded member.

Quite.

We've always been a very united group.

My. Your lemon drizzle cake looks excellent.

Straight to the kitchen with it, I think.

And while you're there, do you think you should get the tea urn going?

They're late.

I spy a strategic waiting game.

I don't suppose you fancy a wager on the outcome?

Do you think he's got any idea what he's up against?

Hasn't a clue, poor fellow.

Sorry I'm... Where's Howard?

Sorry I'm late. Meeting overran.

On the upside,

I've managed to secure funding for a temp to assist with data input.

-Bravo, Howard.

-Well done.

Please take a seat.

-Can I offer you a coffee?

-No, thank you.

Well, let's get started.

COMPUTER BEEPS REPEATEDLY

Ah.

I'll start with a short curriculum vitae and a list of my credentials.

Children in church should be seen and not heard.

And preferably in the crypt attending Mr Walder's Bible class.

Reverend Clement is only suggesting a family service once a month.

Happy-clappy chaos.

A chance to sing All Things Bright And Beautiful.

One of my favourite hymns which we never get to sing

because there are never any children present.

These children are the parishioners of the future.

We need to engage them in our worship.

Teach them the glory of the litany.

Not hide them away in the crypt reading Bible stories.

I doubt you'd find many here who agree with you.

"Suffer little children, and forbid them not to come unto me."

Well, I doubt he'd have said that if they'd been dressed

as Noah's animals and shaking a tambourine in his face.

Let's put it to the vote, shall we?

All those in favour of opposing

the vicar's proposal for children's services.

Doreen?

Carried.

So, I believe I have demonstrated that I have the skill,

vision and funding to usher The Mill Health Centre Partnership

into a new era of success and prosperity.

Any questions?

Yes.

According to your job description, the practice manager is -

and I quote -

"One. Responsible for the smooth, efficient and profitable

"running of the practice, maintaining a happy and committed team."

-Yes.

-Really? Elaine?

The poor woman was understandably traumatised by the whole

Harrison Kellor business and yet you let one of our best doctors

slip through your fingers due to poor pastoral care.

"Two. Oversee the recruitment and retention - hah! -

"of staff and provide a general personnel management service."

Well, Elaine to one side, why on earth is Emma Reid still

a financially crippling locum after five months?

And why on earth did you let Daniel take an extended

leave of absence, leaving only one partner in situ, which was hardly fair on poor old Heston?

You can't blame Howard for that.

Quite. Daniel was ill and needed a break.

And as you refused to leave any details of your plans,

I had no choice but to take on a locum.

Emma has been an extremely valuable team member.

Who was offered a long term contract and declined for personal reasons.

In which case she's an unjustified expense and should be let go.

And while we're talking about temps,

I need to know what on earth possessed you to take on this Valerie creature

whom I am reliably informed was nothing short of mentally ill?

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

I came to see if you needed a helping hand.

Oh, thank you.

I'm sorry. I wasn't much of a support in there.

Do not worry.

They are quite a formidable group.

And I am beginning to realise how much courage it takes

to stand as one against a majority.

"Five. Organise, oversee and evaluate IT training for all levels of staff."

A course was planned for the new configurations.

But you thought it better to take the entire staff,

including a temp, on some imbecilic assault course.

Planning to achieve what exactly?

It was a valuable team-building exercise.

In the end.

I didn't go.

The IT training was postponed because of roofing

and boiler problems.

Why were there boiler and roof problems?

Did they both go wrong simultaneously or is that yet

another symptom of your neglect?

Holly Fox.

Did you or did you not consider merging practices with

-Cumberland House?

-How did you know about that?

I have my sources.

Holly made an offer

and was pushing for a decision in a very short amount of time.

-I told her I had to consult the partners.

-I wasn't consulted.

Because it didn't get that far. I deemed it inappropriate.

It's down to the partners to make decisions about things like this. Not you.

Then there was "Intercomgate" - where you achieved the impossible

and managed to make even me feel sorry for Princess Pinky.

Then there's the practice website - hasn't been updated, sloppy and unprofessional,

and yet you have still managed to find the time

to have this office painted THE most disgusting colour imaginable.

So at least you have achieved something!

What the hell!

What the hell d'you think you're doing?

I hope for your sake it wasn't you that called them.

Oh, I wish it was.

This is our fault.

We should have known better than to step on the tigress's tail.

No, this isn't down to you. Somebody's feeding her biased information.

Surely not.

Rest assured, I'll smoke them out, because this is far from over.

Again, I'm not paying you a penny.

So get over here and remove this ticket, or I'll call the police.

Do you have any idea who I am!

Ah!

Doctor Carmichael.

Blast from the past.

Thought we'd seen the last of you.

Well, you thought wrong.

Dave.

All right?

You know this lowlife?

That's no way to talk about the Head of Campus Enforcement.

We're not on campus.

Captain Bellamy subcontracted them

to oversee the new parking restrictions.

Dedicated spaces for staff starts today.

Needless to say - long overdue.

Well, then, will you kindly tell "Dave" that,

since I am a member of staff,

he's to remove his ticket from my car immediately!

Ooh-ah!

No can do.

You aren't displaying a valid permit

and are thus in irrefutable breach of the regulations.

Don't blame him. It's the nature of security.

We're enforcers, not law makers.

Then what am I supposed to do?

Er...

Pay up. I suppose you could lodge an appeal.

Although technically you don't have a leg to stand on.

Where have they come from?

Mrs Riley.

Smooth operator!

-Hello.

-Chocolate?

-No, thank you.

-Old boot-face never gives me chocolates.

Because you don't listen to her whine on about her cats!

Hey! He's taking all the triangles.

These people - they don't show their faces all year and we're

expected to welcome them with open arms at Christmas and Easter.

Marry them and christen their children.

Is it better to turn them away?

Maybe some may like what they see and be encouraged to return.

We'll be nothing more than a glorified community centre.

But surely, the right place for our church

IS at the heart of the community.

They'll wander in, get hatched, matched, and dispatched.

And that's the last we'll see of them.

As a fisherman himself, the Lord understands that we need to

cast our net wide in poorly stocked water.

And even if a few fish slip through the net,

as long as we catch a few, then it will all be worthwhile.

Mr Bellamy had no authority to sign a car-parking contract

on behalf of the Mill, so consider it terminated with immediate effect.

KNOCK ON DOOR

Yes.

Karen. Who'd have thought it?

I'm actually glad to see you.

Tough being back?

Who are all these people?

They're all right once you get to know them.

Now then, the rumour is you gave Howard a right pasting.

So come on, then. What's the goss?

-All those in favour...

-"All that the Father..."

Something you wanted to add, Doreen?

"All that the Father giveth me shall come to me,

"and him that cometh to me, I will in no wise cast out."

Very well said.

Our new reverend is somewhat bullish.

But there is a common theme.

We need to attract fresh blood.

We need to be more welcoming, more inclusive.

Otherwise in a generation's time,

our entire congregation will be lying out there in the churchyard.

How dare you accuse us of being unwelcoming and exclusive.

I'm sure we don't mean to come across like that.

But maybe we're sometimes guilty without realising.

Take the flower rota.

One might be forgiven for thinking it's exclusive

and resistant to new membership.

Although I'm sure that's not the case at all.

Just because there have always been 12 ladies on the rota,

doesn't mean we can't have 15...

MUTTERING

..or 20?

LOUDER MUMBLING

What is she talking about?

So if you're not back permanently, why are you here?

Protecting my investment by making sure Howard never becomes partner.

He's all right. Once you get under the stuffed shirt.

So that's the only reason, then?

I have no idea what you mean.

My private life is none of your business,

but to pre-empt the inevitable gossip and speculation,

feel free to spread the word that, from now on,

Daniel and my relationship is purely professional.

If you say so.

Did I say I was glad to see you?

I take it back.

I never thought I'd see you brainwashed.

I am nothing of the sort.

But I do agree with Reverend Clement

when he says as Christians - we, all of us -

have a duty to spread the word of God as far and as wide as possible.

You and the vicar seem to agree on rather a lot.

Are you suggesting we just kowtow to him?

Certainly not.

I find some of his proposals as repugnant as you do.

The pews for example.

Those pews are hand-carved Victorian oak.

And I for one will not set foot in St Bernadette's

if he rips out those pews

and replaces them with removable seating.

As for some of his other ideas...

Reverend Clement is being accused of demanding

change for change's sake.

Well, perhaps we are guilty of resisting

change for resistance's sake.

Nonsense.

I suggest that we reconvene

and next time we invite the Reverend to attend.

We owe him a full and fair hearing at the very least.

All those in favour.

I would like to propose another vote.

That the flower rota be opened up to as many new members as wish

to get involved.

All those in favour.

Carried.

HE KNOCKS THE WINDOW

HE MOUTHS

Oh... Thank you.

It is a little premature for that.

Your battle has only just begun.

Lucky I'm well up for a fight!

I suppose a commendable quality in an evangelist.

I'm flattered you see me as an evangelist.

It does not mean you can rely on me to do your bidding.

On this occasion I said yes.

But I am not a woman who is easily manipulated.

You're a remarkable woman who I would rather have as a friend

than an enemy.

I hope I can consider you a friend.

I'd better be getting back to work.

KNOCK ON DOOR Yes.

While I admit some of your points were valid, may I remind you

because of your enforced absence, I was pretty much on my own.

Oh, boo hoo!

Heston's interest in the running of the practice

veered from disinterest to micromanagement.

Daniel was away with the fairies and your position was undefined, leaving us in limbo.

What was I supposed to do?

My request to be a partner surely shows my commitment to this business!

If things were that bad, it shows a distinct lack of business acumen.

May I remind you, I'm still practice manager and I'm not happy about

you turning up here with no notice whatsoever and questioning its running.

Particularly when your movements in recent months have been

nothing less than erratic and damaging.

May I remind YOU that, as a partner, I can largely dictate my own terms

as long as I make proper provision.

Which I have.

Silent partner.

Yes, about that. I've changed my mind.

-What do you mean?

-I've decided to return where I'm clearly needed. For the foreseeable future.

You can't do that without notice.

If you check my partnership agreement,

I think you'll find that I can.

I've taken the liberty of making you a copy.

I've also included figures which show that with demographic changes,

you're going to need me in addition to the extra staff.

You can peruse that at your leisure.

Oh, and Howard,

dispose of this at the same time, if you will.

You can't tell me what to do.

You don't want to get hurt, then go.

You stay.

There are only two places.

-Because I want to have dinner with you.

-Why?

How's my action?

Yeah, you've got fantastic action.

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