Venom Doctors

Hello.

Yeah, yeah, all good.

I was sweating when I got off, but breezed through, just like you said.

Yeah, wait a sec...

Yeah, looks fine.

I'll drop it off this afternoon, OK?

Will they have the rest of the money?

OK, cool.

Northwood Avenue.

HE SIGHS HEAVILY

MUSIC HEARD THROUGH EARPHONES

Come on, Evie!

You're a slob, do you know that?

I'm going to work. If you're late for school again,

I'll put this on eBay.

MUSIC HEARD THROUGH HEADPHONES

SHE SIGHS

So, what have you two got planned for your day off?

What do you think, Joe? The usual?

Down the local for a few pints, game of pool maybe,

then just in time for happy hour at the strip-club.

-Are you leading our son astray?

-It was his idea.

But if you don't think I'm a suitable babysitter, then...

OK.

Countless nappy changes and In The Night Garden it is. You?

I'm looking forward to a nice, normal day at work.

It may not be that normal.

Without Julia, a few things might have been have gone awry.

Like...the authorisation of the payroll on time, that kind of thing.

What? Your daddy is completely useless!

Bye-bye, little man.

Don't make too much mess!

BABY CRIES

OK. Shhh!

MUSIC BLARES

Any left for your big brother?

Finn! You're back!

Yeah, fresh from the Marble Mountains of Vietnam.

You don't smell fresh! So, how was it?

Ah, epic, man! You'd love it out there.

But I thought it was time I came home to see my favourite little sis.

Your only little sis.

And I need to sort out some cash for the next leg.

Next leg?

So, you're not staying?

In Letherbridge? You're kidding, right?

I've got a delivery to make this afternoon,

then I'm on the next flight out of here.

I got you a present!

-Is it in your bag?

-No, no, no. Don't touch that!

-Sorry, I...

-It's fine. It's fine.

Just let me go dump some stuff off, yeah?

No problem.

Brrrr!

MUSIC RESONATES FROM DOWNSTAIRS

I wish you were staying.

Shouldn't you be in school?

I'm ill.

Yeah, does Mum know?

Well, no, but it's all right.

There's no point!

She's working a double-shift anyway.

She doesn't care.

Straight to voicemail.

See?

All right. No problemo!

I've got to go to the doctors anyway to book a few more jabs in before I hit South America.

If you're not well, you can come with me. Grab your coat.

So, you won't forget, will you?

Forget what?

Ingredients! Fajita Night?

You said you were going into town at lunch?

Right, yeah. Unless you fancy something else?

No, it's tradition, isn't it? Fajitas, bottle of wine, movie,

-maybe...

-Right. I'll get the stuff.

Oh, Zara! Do you know when we're getting the latex gloves?

And how would I know that,

since I haven't even walked in the door yet?

-It's just we're running out.

-What have you been doing with them?

Actually, no, don't answer that.

Whatever you two get up to in the privacy of your own home

is really none of my business.

What? Have I got baby sick in my hair or something?

Dr Carmichael!

Can I order some air freshener for the reception area?

Recently, the personal hygiene of some patients have left a lot to be desired.

Why are you asking me?

You are the most senior member of staff present.

Mrs Tembe, please do whatever you think is right.

Zara, I was hoping to speak to you about booking a day off?

Right...

I mentioned it to Dr Granger,

but he said it'd be best to speak to you.

Did he, now? Well, best to send me an email and I'll look at the diary when I have a moment.

Zara, can I get your thoughts on a patient review?

-I've actually got quite a lot...

-I still haven't had paperwork for my permanent contract.

-Julia promised it'd be sorted by now.

-Fine. I'll look into it!

-Cheers.

-Now, since I'm operating on about two hours' sleep, can I please

get a coffee before another question?

Zara, about the payroll...?

No?

DOOR CLOSES

So, how can I help?

She says she's got a pain in her chest.

And this...

Do you mind if I have a listen?

Deep breaths.

-Do you smoke?

-No.

Good.

Should she be off school? Should she be off school?

I've got this headache as well.

And I feel really sick.

Mr Cothey, do you mind if I have a chat with your sister in private?

Of course. I'll go and sort out those jabs.

So what's really the matter?

Trust me, you must visit Botswana.

You will not be disappointed.

Thanks, I'll definitely...

Is she OK?

I don't think you've got too much to worry about, medically speaking.

But she doesn't seem very happy.

She can be like that. Gets it from our mum.

Could she be getting hassle from other kids at school?

It's often why they try it on. Cry for help, and all that.

Don't worry. Evie can handle herself.

When our dad told us he was leaving, she threw a clock at his head.

Still, might be worth having a chat.

-Thanks.

-No worries.

Time-wasters. Have you had a chance...?

Not now!

Zara, what is happening about our pay?

-It's all sorted.

-Great!

-It'll be three days late.

No, if I don't get paid on time, I can't cover my mortgage!

Look, I've been on the phone for half the morning,

and if it wasn't for threats of physical violence, you'd be paid a week late!

So if you wish to complain, please do so

with our soon-to-be-castrated fellow partners!

Mr Clutterbuck, come through!

I assure you, beneath that facade,

she's as gentle as a lamb.

They're the ones that left the note this morning?

They're always on my back. Can't I stay here with you?

No, I've got to go out.

Look, Evie, you have to stand up for yourself.

Tell them to get lost.

You can't make me go to school!

PHONE RINGS

Mum?

'Why didn't you tell me'

you were coming home?

Don't tell her, please!

I didn't get a chance. Look, Mum...

Please, please, please...

Is that Evie? What's she doing there?

We've been to the doctors, but she's OK, she's fine.

Tell her from me if she doesn't get herself to school this instant,

'she'll need another trip to the doctors when I get home!

'I've got to go, but I'll try and get off work early

-'so I can come home and see you, OK?'

-OK. Speak to you later. Bye.

Oh!

Oh!

Stupid thing!

# I've got a bad feeling about this

# I've got a bad feeling about this. #

If you let me stay at home, I will do all your...

Finn?

Thanks for my present!

What?

Don't you have any work to do?

I've had a cancellation.

All right for some.

Zara, I'm very pleased you're taking over the reins.

-I am?

-With respect, Daniel and Heston aren't very thorough,

and there's so much to do!

Ah, the fragrant Dr Carmichael!

I wanted to say I'm glad to defer to you in all matters administrative.

Now, I was wondering...

Just stop there! Apparently, nobody here can scratch their own backsides

without my prior approval.

-Can you all just leave me alone for five minutes!

-Zara?

"Ten activities to get your endorphins going"?

-Surely there's only one?

-What do you mean?

You can't beat sex for a natural high.

-Although chance'd be a fine thing.

-I know what you mean.

You're a newlywed! Aren't you still

in the "once a night, double at weekends" stage?

Not exactly. Between you and me, it's all got a bit...

cuddly.

Not that I mind. I like cuddly.

Sorry, that's so tactless.

You and Jimmi have been together for ages. It's perfectly normal

to go through a slow patch.

-If you like, the three of us could have a session?

-Sorry?

-To talk about it.

-Oh.

-I didn't mean...

-It's not really Jimmi's...

-You're right. It's probably best, being colleagues...

-Thanks, though.

You're welcome! Sorry.

HE WINCES

GIRLS LAUGH

SNAKE HISSES, EVIE GASPS

THEY LAUGH

Have you been in my room?

I need you to tell me the truth, Evie.

I've lost something very important.

What the matter?

I just wanted to scare them.

You took the snake?

I should have waited for you to give it to me. I'm sorry.

Why would I have...?

It doesn't matter. Where is it now?

In the bag.

You have no idea what they'd have done if the...

It really hurts!

Show me.

Do you think we should go to the hospital?

Er... It doesn't look that bad.

Do you want me to get the doctor to take a look at it?

Look, I had nothing to do with this, OK?

Just say the snake belonged to a friend of yours or something. Yeah?

Promise?

-Yeah, I promise.

-Good girl.

KNOCK ON THE DOOR

-What now?

-I've just got to pop out.

One of my patients has...

-What's wrong?

-Nothing.

That's not what it looks like.

Look, it's just...everyone is expecting me to do two jobs at once.

I've haven't had any sleep, I'm worried about Joe,

Daniel's as much use as a chocolate teapot,

and I've had to change my top twice today, because...

I'm leaking.

Well...what did you expect?

-Excuse me?

-You've just had a baby.

I know!

And everyone expects me to have some kind of telepathic link to Julia,

and if I'm honest, I'm finding it just a bit overwhelming...

If you ask me, it's about control.

Control?

You're the type of person who likes to feel in control, right?

And a baby is an instrument of chaos.

How charmingly put.

Have you considered a career in paediatrics?

I'm just saying you should take back some control for yourself.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Will you please tell Heston there will be a partners' meeting at 2 o'clock?

Sure.

That will be all.

HE CHUCKLES

LULLABY MUSIC PLAYS

PHONE RINGS

BABY CRIES

OK.

Shh.

Why didn't call you an ambulance?

She wasn't that bad at first, and I knew you were coming, so...

Hi, Mum, it's me. Could you give me a ring back? As soon as possible.

I thought you said she was bitten by a pet?

She was. Um...

A snake.

A snake? What sort of snake?

I don't know. She said it was sort of stripy.

-What?

-It's OK. It's in a box.

Good!

Evie? Can you hear me?

What type of snake was it, Evie?

This is no good. It must have been venomous.

I need to know exactly what type of snake that is,

so the hospital can source an antidote.

Oh, you're having a laugh!

Stand back.

Where is it?

Yes, ambulance, please. We need to know what sort of venom it was.

We need to find that snake now!

KNOCK ON THE DOOR

Peace offering?

-What for?

-For being so clumsy earlier.

Aw, you were more useful than that silly article.

Does eating raw chilli peppers sound like a romantic night to you?

Ooh. What else did they suggest?

Uh, well...

"Take a sun-drenched holiday."

I'd love to, but can't afford it.

"Watch a horror film." That's my idea of hell.

"Go running" urgh!

What's wrong with running?

All the endorphins flowing AND you can eat whatever you want!

But isn't running round a park in circles a bit...pointless?

Not if you get a goal to work towards.

Why don't you both sign up for a half marathon?

Think of it. Jimmi in those little shorts. Woo.

HE YELLS

No, no. There's no problem,

I promise. I just...

Wait a sec.

I just need to know what sort of snake it was.

No, no. Of course I'm still coming...

I've got to go.

DOOR SLAMS

-You lazy...

-Mum!

Didn't you get my message?

My phone's dead. What's she doing here? Evie, come on,

-wake up!

-Mum, stop it, stop it!

I need to talk to you about something. Outside.

What's going on?

-Mrs Cothey, I'm Dr Tyler.

-What's wrong? Tell me!

She's not very well.

-Why don't you keep an eye out for the ambulance?

-Yeah. Mum!

SIREN WAILS

-Zara, have you seen Jimmi?

-Why, did the latex gloves turn up?

OK, I'll call you from the hospital. Thanks.

I don't understand.

Where would she have got a snake?

-Beats me.

-I've looked everywhere. It must have escaped.

You should go with Evie.

Do you need a lift?

Yeah, thanks.

So where have you travelled?

All over. Far East recently.

Cambodia, Vietnam.

Many snakes in Vietnam?

No. Not that I saw.

I tried a bit of the meat once at a roadside stall.

How do you afford it? Travelling's not cheap.

I get jobs from place to place. Bar work, labouring, whatever.

SIREN WAILS

Couldn't this have waited until tomorrow?

So I come in on MY day off instead?

Stop calling it a day off!

-HESTON:

-'I am here, you know, in case you've forgotten.

'Can we just get on with the matter in hand?'

Absolutely, Heston.

Now, there is no way that you two are going to dump Julia's job on me,

and since it's become perfectly clear

-that neither of you are capable of doing it...

-'Charming.'

..we need to appoint a new practice manager immediately.

That sounds fine.

'Hear, hear.'

Oh. Good. I shall organise interviews for next week.

But also, since Julia's taking more of a back seat,

I think the practice needs to appoint a new partner.

-'Such as...?'

-Jimmi.

-Daniel, will you sort it out?

-I don't think Jimmi...

Fine. I can take him to lunch, see if I can persuade him.

That's an excellent idea!

'Jolly good.'

PHONE RINGS

Could you get that for me? It's in my bag.

What's up?

I know where the snake is.

PHONE CONTINUES

Give me your phone.

So you should e-mail me with any further questions before then.

-Is that clear?

-Crystal.

'Are we done?'

Not yet, Heston, or you. We need to get a temporary receptionist in

before we appoint, so that

either Mrs Tembe or Karen can provide managerial cover. Any preference?

-Karen.

-'Mrs Tembe.'

Perfect! That means I get the deciding vote.

I shall interview them both later.

-'Can I suggest something?'

-What?

'Can you check they're both actually interested in doing the job?'

Of course!

What a good idea.

She's stable.

Here you are, mate.

Let's just hope the anti-venom kicks in soon, eh?

This is all my fault.

Why do you say that?

Why are the police here?

The snake's a protected species.

They say it was smuggled into the country illegally.

How is she?

Not good.

What sort of idiot would give a venomous snake to a 14-year-old girl?

Ah! There you are. I've been looking everywhere for you.

I've been to every shop looking for jalapeno peppers.

It must be Mexican food week, so in the end, I just...

Never mind the jalapeno peppers!

Now she tells me.

I've got something far more exciting.

The Letherbridge Half Marathon.

Yeah. Wouldn't it be great to take up running?

You want me to sponsor you or something?

No, better than that.

You're going to do it with me.

You're responding well to the anti-venom,

but they're going to keep you in for observation, OK?

You're very lucky. Are you sure you feel up to this?

Just take your time.

Evie, it's illegal to own one of these snakes without a licence.

It's important you tell me where you got it.

A friend gave it to me.

Where is it now? Is it OK?

I don't believe this, she's worried about the blooming snake!

Don't worry. It was taken to a reptile centre.

Which friend? I need a name and an address.

You better start talking, young lady!

Tell the truth. There's nothing to be scared of.

If they are smuggling snakes into the country,

other people could be in danger. Who are you covering for?

Me. She's covering for me.

No!

Don't be ridiculous, Finn.

-She has to take responsibility for her actions.

-Let him speak.

Uh, these guys...

they paid me to bring it into the country.

They told me they sell them on to private collectors.

-I needed the money to keep on travelling or...

-What?

I'd be stuck back here.

With you.

What do you mean?

You push people away, Mum. You always have.

I'm only good enough for you when I'm on the other side of the world.

I'm so sorry, sis. I had no idea it was venomous, I promise.

I'm going to arrest you under the Dangerous Wild Animals Act.

No, no. He didn't do anything.

-It was me!

-It's OK, Evie. I should never have asked you to lie for me.

You don't have to say anything, but it may harm your defence if you don't mention when questioned

something you later rely on in court.

Anything you do say may be given in evidence.

It's OK. I'm sorry, sis.

Guess I'll be staying in the country for a while.

What's going to happen to him?

That all depends on how much information he gives us.

I have an address to drop it off. I'll take you to it.

Good. No time like the present.

Wait, please.

Can you make sure my mum speaks to Evie's school? She IS being bullied.

Sure.

And...

..can you give this to Evie?

Tell her it's her real present.

KNOCK ON THE DOOR

Come in.

Why do I feel like I've been summoned to see the headmistress?

Do take a seat, ladies.

Thank you.

Since Julia left, the administration of this practice has fallen apart.

Well, that's nothing...

For that reason, we are looking for an acting practice manager

just until we can appoint someone permanently.

So,

would either of you like to be considered?

-Yes!

-Definitely.

If you think that I will be capable of the role.

I would be very honoured.

Excellent. I will conduct interviews with you both on Thursday.

And may the best woman win!

Oi, Fat Controller,

when do I get a PlayStation, like in a proper prison?

The next time you get the urge

to send one of my stories into a magazine, don't!

It's your dream, isn't it?

Time to run along and get my son, Sergeant Hollins.

-He tried to kill me, the psycho!

-I didn't touch him. Please.

Last year's competition winner went on to get a book deal.

This could really open some doors.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd