The Player Doctors

TELEVISION PRESENTERS SPEAK

Come on, guys, we need a break. Let's get out of here.

Mum gone to the Doctors?

PHONE RINGS

I've, er, got to go out for a bit.

(No way!)

Sam, have you taken...?

Selfish bitch! I'll kill her! I swear!

Just, er...put this on, yeah?

I just don't see how we can tackle all of this in time.

We won't have to. The new practice manager will.

But the re-accreditation is so much for one person to deal with, especially straight into the job.

Well, we'll make sure we appoint the right person, then, won't we?

-Now, come on, fuel up. Interviewing is exhausting.

-No.

-Dulcie got my mobile number?

-She's got mine.

What if you can't answer?

The woman is a godsend - taking a baby at such short notice.

-You're sure she can handle it?

-The woman has had twins! Do you want to wait for her to have a police check?

It's just...we're going to work together for the first time. It's weird! You know?

-Leaving him with a stranger.

-I've known Dulcie for years!

She's brought up two children, practically single-handed,

while simultaneously running her own business, OK?

Fine, you stay home today. We will interview without you.

OK, OK.

We need to pull together, Daniel.

You're right, I'm sorry.

-OK, now I've got the changing bag, you bring him down.

-Yeah.

See you in the car.

-Hi, can I help?

-I'm looking for my mum.

OK.

Has she been in?

Well, you can start by telling me her name?

She comes in same morning every week, sees Dr Clay.

-Well, he sees a lot of people.

-Shirley. Shirley Paige.

So, you going to tell me or what?

No.

Where do you get off speaking to me like that, you snotty cow?!

-No, your mum hasn't been in.

-I've been called in to the station.

Oh, Misha.

Everything OK?

Peachy.

Misha's lost her mother - and her manners.

-Why, what's going on?

-Have you seen her this morning or not?

-There's no need to be like that.

-SHE'S being rude!

Er, SHE is a member of staff here. She's also my wife.

(Whatever.)

Unbelievable.

Runs in the family. Listen, I've got to go.

Thankfully, I'm a doctor, not a practice manager.

I'd hate to jump through these ridiculous paper hoops.

-Speak too soon!

-Look, let's cross that bridge when we've appointed.

-IF we've appointed.

-Meaning?

Well, we're hardly overflowing with candidates.

There is always Mrs Tembe.

Look, I appreciate her filling in, but long-term?

She's really not a viable option.

Well, she's a hard worker, knows the practice.

Mrs Tembe is in no way a replacement for Julia.

She just doesn't have the skills or experience we need.

Especially now. Whoever it is has to hit the ground running.

Well, more than run - and by Thursday.

We should have advertised for Superman.

Superwoman, more like!

OK, so let's just give these candidates a chance,

-and one of them may surprise us.

-I don't think you really believe that.

I am trying to be positive!

Well, believe it or not, so am I. I just think we need a plan B.

-If Julia were here, we'd be running like clockwork.

-Yeah!

Oh, yeah, given that we have a ton of work to do and not much time...

Leave it with me.

I don't do credit, I've told you.

About time.

Well?

-Bit of a problem.

-Who with?

No-one, I made all the deliveries.

So, where's my money?

I'll get it.

Again, where's my money?

My mum took it, all right? It's no biggie.

Look, I said I'll get it, I just need a bit of time.

Do I look like a bank?!

You've earned enough off my back.

There's plenty of others queuing up.

-That's fine. I'm sick of this hassle, anyway.

-So, when Kris counts up, that's what I tell him, is it?

I'm not covering for you.

You mess with me, you're messing with him.

Just remember where you are in the food chain.

-Look, Aaron, I just need a bit...

-You NEED to get me that cash, fast.

How?

Use your imagination.

Yes, my man?

We had a tip-off that he'd just done a big deal,

but we couldn't find anything.

What's wrong with him?

Well, he suddenly developed breathing problems

when we asked him questions he didn't want to answer.

We've been watching him for ages, but he's smart enough

to always use kids to move his stuff so nothing touches him.

He's here. Kris, I've just been filling in Doctor Clay.

-Told you I was asthmat...

-HE PANTS

All yours.

All right, I'm just going to undo this, OK?

-Do you use an inhaler?

-They wouldn't let me go and get it.

They jumped me - one of them sat on my chest.

It was assault.

I don't even know why I'm here.

They must have told you.

Something to do with drug dealing, but I'm just a student.

OK, deep breaths.

HE EXHALES

-I need me inhaler.

-Yeah, I'll sort one.

HE COUGHS

SHE BREATHES HEAVILY

Come on, come on, pick up!

SHE EXHALES

Julia, hi, it's Zara.

Could you give me a call back just as soon as you get this, please?

Thanks.

I wouldn't hold your breath.

-Sorry?

-Do you need to speak to her urgently?

Only I think she'll be tanning herself

-on a hot, sunny deck right now.

-What?

She's on a cruise round the Med, didn't you know?

Martin - obviously a romantic at heart. All very spontaneous.

-Are you serious?

-Yeah, she texted me from the airport, thrilled.

Do you want her for anything special?

Oh, no, just a...chat.

Nothing important.

PHONE RINGS

Yeah, it's all sorted.

No.

Better than cash.

No.

Dope.

What does it matter where I got it from?

Yeah, more than enough to cover it.

You're not the only dealer I know!

Look, do you want it or not?

All right.

I'll bring you a sample.

Misha. What, no, wait, whoa, whoa, wait!

What do you want?

Ohh, so this is it! The Big Exam Day.

Stop fussing!

Um...so this is rocket and crayfish.

Full of iron. It's a power snack. Um...

Don't forget to go for a wee before you go in.

-Mum!

-You don't want to be distracted!

That's for low blood sugar.

Important to keep rehydrated.

-I had some fruit somewhere...

-Mum, will you please stop fussing?!

Sorry, I just... I want you to do well.

I've looked at loads of past papers, my odds are good.

Odds?

If I get the question I'm expecting, then I'm home free.

You've revised other stuff, though?

I couldn't cover everything, could I? There's just too much.

Hang on?!

You've gambled everything on one particular question?

Not gambled, focused.

-Jack...

-Mum, please, I know what I'm doing, you've just got to trust me.

Now I'm going to the library and I'll see you later.

I'll pick you up afterwards.

Good luck!

No idea how or why he has my number.

Never seen him before in my life.

Nope.

Aaron Morrison.

-Who?

-The guy you deliver Kris Dugan's dope for.

That was for personal use, all right? I found it.

Can't remember where.

Still on bail, aren't you?

You're not seriously going to charge me?

For a tiny bit of dope?!

Encourage me not to, then.

I could get custodial!

Yeah, you could.

-That's exactly why you need to help me out.

-I feel sick...

-It'll pass.

-Seriously!

CLATTERING METAL

Oh, let me get that for you.

-Thank you.

-There we go!

Um...I feel I must apologise for my failings this week.

The job of practice manager is a lot more demanding than I realised.

Nonsense, you stepped into the breach when we needed you most and I think I was too harsh on you.

I assure you I have been doing a large amount of reading over the weekend

-and I hope to improve my performance.

-Well, I think you're doing a sterling job.

But I am worried that I may struggle in front of the interview panel.

Well, everyone here thinks very highly of you.

Oh, thank you!

Well, thank you, Dr Carter.

-Oh, I need a refill!

-Not at all. I'm just going to...

But what about your tea?

Well, I will take it to him.

Oh, what's Heston done to merit the silver service treatment?

I was having serious doubts about my abilities,

-but a few words from Dr Carter and I feel fully confident again.

-Good.

He's so supportive and encouraging.

He has made me feel I have exactly what it takes

to step into Mrs Parson's shoes.

Did you find your mum?

You probably see her more than I do.

-Last time, she told me she was cutting down a lot.

-Yeah.

She joined the church choir and started knitting as well.

I saw Sam's social worker last week.

-Got him back in school.

-That's good.

So, you're looking after everyone now.

-How do you manage for money?

-I get by.

Shoplifting and running drugs?

Thought you were a doctor, not a policeman?

If you have any idea who you were mixed up with...

-Did I ask for your advice?

-It's not advice, it's a warning.

I'm trying to get a proper job, anyway.

Sick of being in and out of here all the time.

Stressing me out.

Misha, if you're being threatened or intimidated...

Look, just get out of my face, will you?

Look, if you want to help, tell them to caution me and let me go!

This one seems to have quite a lot of managerial experience.

-It's all a bit vague, though.

-This one seems quite strong on the IT side.

Might be a plus.

-Neither of them leap off the page.

-We have to give them a chance.

Anyone who is willing and capable of getting us out of the mess we're in,

will get a more than a fair hearing from me.

If it comes to it, they're both head and shoulders above Mrs Tembe.

That's a bit harsh.

She may have to fill in while we re-advertise.

I was really hoping we'd turn up better than this.

OK, shall we get this over with?

You're a natural, mate!

PHONE BEEPS

Bet I can beat you!

Hey, look, you got the high score!

Thank you, Jane, for outlining your managerial experience in such depth.

However...

It's not really retail experience we're looking for here.

We're a health centre, not a shoe shop.

So, given that scenario, how would you respond?

Do you want a glass of water?

-She's too frightened of him.

-Well, she's a right to be.

The problem is, if nobody talks, we haven't got anything.

See you later.

Bye-bye.

They probably got that girl's number from my phone.

She needs reminding to keep her mouth shut.

CHATTERING AND LAUGHTER

Silence, please!

Can I remind you all to check

that all mobile electronic devices are switched off and out of view?

Right, you may turn over your papers...now.

# Trouble

# Trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble

# Trouble been dogging my score Since the day I was born... #

So, how would you prioritise those services

in light of the new budgetary constraints?

How would that conflict with patient confidentiality policies?

So you don't actually have any experience of budgets or accounting?

If you don't have an opinion, just say.

-Well, thank you very much for...

-Coming in.

We'll let you know.

We still have Mrs Tembe.

# I've been saved by a woman... #

What the..?!

Get back here, you little...!

Ow! Ah!

# I've been saved by a woman

# She won't let me go... #

PHONE RINGS

One additional minute will be added for the disruption.

Misha, it's Dr Clay!

I was trying to find you.

I'm sure Jack will sail through.

Yeah, as long as he gets the right question!

He could always have a re-take.

You're joking! It's bad enough with Immie doing re-takes.

He can't just put the work in like anybody else -

always has to be a flipping shortcut!

Oh, sorry. How can I help?

Do they know where you live?

If they don't yet, they will.

Where's Sam?

A mate's looking after him.

I know you don't believe me, but...

I've never done anything like that before, I swear.

I've nicked stuff from shops and that, but...never people's houses.

So why his flat?

I didn't know it was his, did I?

I just needed the money.

Couldn't you just ask your mum?

She's the reason I needed it.

This is a nightmare.

Look, you don't know what he's like!

I know enough. I think you need to call the police now.

-Are you joking?

-You really think you have a choice?

It's too late.

So, your assessment is that the re-accreditation shouldn't affect the practice's financial strategy?

In principle, I think that, perhaps...

Perhaps...?

Well, perhaps... Could we come back to the question later?

This is the interview.

Yes, yes, of course.

Could you ask me the question again?

I am so sorry, I am just a little nervous.

OK. Um, do you think the practice should tailor budgetary plans

to fit with the way it will operate after the re-accreditation process is finished?

Take your time now.

I think we need to wrap it up there. Thank you very much, Mrs Tembe.

We've seen a number of candidates and it'll take time before we make a decision,

-but we'll let you know the outcome as soon as possible.

-Thank you.

-Well, that went well(!)

-Did you have to end it quite so abruptly?

Come on, she was being kind.

What a total and utter waste of time!

-This is a disaster.

-KNOCK ON DOOR

Sorry, um, Howard Bellamy's in reception.

Says he's here for the interview?

-Wasn't he on the shortlist?

-He looked quite promising, if I remember rightly?

He cancelled the interview because he'd already taken another post.

Does that matter?

Yes! It clearly means he doesn't want this one enough.

-Well, he's here now.

-I'd say he's not going to take no for an answer.

Hi.

'Where are you?'

I'm on my way, what's the rush?

'Have you got the gear?'

No, I fed it to the ducks(!)

Bring it all, yeah?

Why are you acting so weird?

I've got a buyer lined up.

'Just meet me in the stairwell above the Union bar.'

Hurry up!

KNOCK ON DOOR

Howard Bellamy.

-I'm Dr Hest...

-Dr Heston Carter,

former director of general surgery at St Phil's.

Drs Carmichael...and Granger, pleasure to meet you.

Please, take a seat.

I worked at the PCT for some time,

so I'm familiar with both practice and staff.

Well, we look forward to your assessment of our current situation.

Well, it's not looking good, is it?

You're clearly not rising to the challenges

of the new NHS marketplace.

You realise that failure to get through the re-accreditation

doesn't just mean closure of the practice?

All your jobs are at stake too.

As partners, you alone are responsible.

To survive, you need to adopt an iron will

and unbeatable organisational capabilities.

Hard decisions, hard work.

Excuse the directness, I speak as I find.

I don't think any of us had seen our situation as quite so...

Serious?

Oh, make no mistake. It is.

So, what do you suggest we do?

I'm not about to sit here and promise I can get you through re-accreditation -

there are absolutely no guarantees -

but you should know that I contributed

to the initial steering committee that helped develop the process.

Like it or not, it's a vital and much needed overhaul...

..and believe me, I do understand what's required from the inside out.

That sounds extremely useful.

Invaluable.

So, what should we focus on first?

Your weaknesses.

You want my help - first, I need your trust.

Start by being ruthless.

Ask yourselves, "Where am I failing?"

You took your time.

You got it?

50-50, yeah?

No, change of plan.

DOOR OPENS

I warned you.

-Yeah, you're right to look scared.

-I didn't know it was yours. Honest.

One phone call it took to find you.

Thought you were some kind of big time player, didn't you? Hm?

Mug me off?!

-I'm sorry.

-Yeah, you will be, you thieving...

-Police! Kris! Step back!

-ALARM RINGS

-I'm arresting you for the possession of illegal substances.

You don't have to say anything, but it may harm your defence if you don't mention

something you later rely on in court. Anything you do say may be given in evidence.

It's OK.

SIREN BEEPS

Right, this is not a drill! Everyone make their way to the exit!

Oi! Out!

-Just a sec.

-Now!

This paper is null and void.

-But...

-We will schedule a resit.

Out!

No, please!

So what's going to happen now?

I don't know.

But I put myself on the line!

You said if I co-operated that...

I said it would help, I never said you could just walk away.

How's this supposed to help me?!

What about Sam?

Sam is going to need more help than you can give him now.

You've done the right thing, Misha. It will count in your favour.

Hi!

Did your one question not come up?

-No, it did.

-Well, that's great, isn't it?

Jack? Jack?!

There are other factors to consider.

-I would suggest...

-Thank you, that's very comprehensive.

Can you give us a flavour of your background?

Captain in the Aston Regiment.

I went straight to the PCT after I finished my commission.

-How long were you there for?

-Five years. Contract ended six months ago.

We were under the impression you had already accepted another post.

Provisionally. On reflection, I felt this position had the edge.

So, are you saying you've already turned down the other job?

I am.

Before you knew the result of this interview?

I'm the right man for the job.

My time at the PCT helped me develop exactly the approach to practice management that you need.

Could you be more specific?

Business decisions need a business head. No mystery.

Could you outline the other skills you have that you could bring to the role?

I've never really been one to blow my own trumpet.

I've set out my stall, now it's up to you if you want to buy.

My card has all my details.

Thank you very much for your time.

That's the starting salary I require.

Non-negotiable.

-HE WHISTLES

-Wow.

-Can we afford that?

I feel like we've just had a gun pressed to our heads.

Well, he certainly didn't lack confidence.

-Or arrogance?

-I don't think I heard him say "patient" once.

Well, I hate to say it,

but perhaps this is the new face of practice management?

If he is so brilliant, why hasn't he been snapped up already?

Maybe we just got lucky?

Yeah, or we're going to end up stuck with him.

Well, I think we can accept that he'll get us through the current storm,

and then we can review matters further down the line. Agreed?

Agreed.

All right, agreed.

Practice manager's position, you gave an excellent interview...

Oh!

-What have I done now?

-A woman got beat up at the protest.

Not the protest I was at.

We thought he'd shake the place up, in a good way.

Kill me now.

Get out me way!

Right, well, I'm phoning the police.

Oi!

Hey! That's mine!

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