Sweet Surrender Doctors

# Farewell my black balloon

# Farewell my black balloon

# The weather had its way with you

# Farewell my black balloon

# The weather had its way with you

# Farewell my black balloon. #

No, no, no.

What do you mean, "No"?

It's a refutation, Daniel. Denoting a negative or a refusal.

I mean, what business is it of yours?

£50,000 on a motorised midlife crisis?

When we're both working part time.

Not to mention the cost of child care.

Wrong. Do you remember Bruno Roberts?

Bruno Roberts.

How could I forget, possibly the worst night of my entire life?

So, you're the reason he's been absent from the golf course.

Yeah, I found better things to do on a Sunday morning.

-I bet you did.

-Careful, darling, you'll get drool on her dress.

If only you would wear a dress once in a while.

Someone has to wear the trousers in our house.

And I'll have the dauphinoise.

Really? His cholesterol's up and rising.

I can't blame her seeing as she's never in the kitchen.

I'm an accountant. Not a short order cook.

So, what do you do, Bruno?

-I'm in the executive motor trade.

-He's a car salesman.

Do you mind if I speak for myself?

If you're willing to take that risk.

And another one of those. Can anyone manage dessert?

I couldn't eat another thing.

Daniel, you'll join me?

Just coffee, thanks.

Hope no-one minds if I do.

How long have you been married?

We're not. We didn't think that it was...

Very wise. It could save you a fortune in divorce lawyers.

You've no idea how expensive they are these days.

Although, Suzy knows.

Because she's just hired one at eye-watering expense.

She thought I didn't know. But I'm one step ahead of you, my love.

Oh, and for the record, the reason Raymond Savage turned you down was

because he's otherwise engaged.

By me.

Well, hurrah, that's out in the open.

-I think we should leave.

-To leave you to discuss this in private.

Oh, you can't go! It's a celebration. Isn't it?

Absolutely, bottle of champagne, please, and four glasses.

You'll allow yourself just a little sip? To toast our divorce.

It's a disengagement party. What a hoot!

What about Bruno Roberts?

Apart from the fact that he

and his toxic wife are presumably divorced by now.

He's got a luxury car dealership in Kingsvale.

-Oh, here we go.

-He's giving me mates rates.

He's not your "mate."

He's just some Swiss Tony you met at the Golf Club.

Which I'm no longer a member of because you thought it was too expensive.

Which you're no longer a member of because you never went!

Besides, golf is so revoltingly bourgeois.

Since when did you tell me how to spend my money?

Since we became a family, Daniel. You, and me, and Joe.

Oh, I might have known you'd bring Joe into it.

He's our son. Of course I'll bring him into it.

# Diamonds are a girl's best friend

# There may come a time

# When a hard-boiled employer

# Thinks you're awful nice... #

'This is Letherbridge FM...'

That colour really sets off your eyes. Eggs?

No, thanks, I'll get something at work.

-Have you got my list?

-Yep.

No problem.

OK, thanks. I'll see you later.

# Diamonds are a girl's best friend. #

-Morning, Dr Carter.

-Morning, Keith.

Thank you.

There we go.

Good morning, Nurse Clay. The traffic must have been terrible.

Dr Clay is already in the shower.

32.15. His personal record, I believe.

And check out those muscles. You must be well smug.

Not especially.

All I'm saying, is it makes financial sense.

Because of a conveniently timed mystery rattle which only you can hear!

Good morning Dr Carmichael, Dr Granger.

It's a slippery slope. Next it'll be haemorrhaging garage bills.

Oh, please. Do I have "woman who knows nothing about cars" tattooed on my forehead?

-Better than "henpecked man."

-I'm not listening to you, Daniel.

-No change there, then!

KNOCK ON DOOR

The nanny state gone mad.

Is everything all right, Dr Carter?

The lowlife who invaded my house

and violated my property should take his punishment like a man.

Not want to meet me over a cup of tea and a prison biscuit.

You are referring to Curtis Brown?

"Restorative Justice." Although who and what it restores is debatable.

He has requested a meeting with you?

Well, it certainly wasn't me.

-This man has committed a serious crime.

-Exactly, Mrs Tembe.

-I knew I could...

-Although I am reminded of an old African proverb.

"You punish a child with your right hand,

"and with your left hand you embrace them."

That's as maybe, Mrs Tembe.

And, of course, there was the Truth and Reconciliation movement in South Africa.

Entirely different. Entirely. I have to be getting on.

Yes, of course, Dr Carter.

Jimmi.

You're limping.

No, I'm not.

Don't lie to me, I've been watching you.

It's a muscle twinge. Occupational hazard.

You need to get it looked at.

Cherry! Cherry, Cherry, I'm a doctor.

Stand on it. Go on, "Doctor" Clay. Put your weight on your right foot.

Get it looked at!

There is nothing wrong with Doctor Granger's car that cannot be

solved by a good mechanic.

Not to mention a lighter touch on the clutch.

Thank you, Sister Tembe!

You are welcome, Sister Dr Carmichael.

Why won't men just do what they're told?

Because they are not intelligent enough to realise that WE are always right.

Amen to that.

Too right. Your motor has stopped being the hot babe

and is now definitely moving into cougar territory.

No offence intended.

None taken. But try telling Zara that.

Women always have to be right.

She said, "When you need a new car, get an estate."

-So she can fit half of Mothercare in the boot.

-Mate!

-Bang out of order.

-KNOCK ON DOOR

Oh! Hi. Jimmi's hurt his foot.

Can one of you take a look at it?

And don't let him fob you off.

Sure, yep.

Got a poorly foot?

You'd better not be going where I think you're going.

-So now you're monitoring my movements?

-Of course.

-Because you can't be trusted not to do anything stupid!

-Even you can't stop me from looking.

You do realise this amount of money would fund Joe's entire university education?

Yes, but we've got 18 years to save for that.

-Not the way you're spending.

-Says the woman whose shoes have their own bedroom.

-Even MY shoes don't cost that much!

-Depends how many shoes you buy!

-They remind me of my mum and dad!

Please do not depress me any more than I am already!

She nagged and nagged him for a conservatory.

-He said it was a waste and they should save the money for a rainy day.

-You see!

Mind you. She did make him suffer in secret.

Jack's got this theory that every time he said no,

her cooking deteriorated that little bit more.

Ha!

Maybe you both need to compromise a little.

Now look what you've done. "Analysis with Elaine."

Nothing of the sort. But if you looked at the car,

at least your decision would be an informed one.

Fine. I will get my bag, I will look at the car.

And then I will say no!

-Last quarter's sales figures.

-Great. Thanks.

Did you decide what you want for dinner?

-I'll pick something up when I go to the dry cleaners.

-Um...

No, anything, whatever.

Er, sausages. The pork and leek ones from the butcher?

PHONE RINGS

I'll go when Darren's back from his break. Roberts Motors.

You want the body workshop. Putting you through.

Hi, Suzy.

Well, hello there. No baby?

He's with our very expensive nanny.

-Bruno's expecting you.

-I can't say I was expecting you.

My job had taken over my life.

Now I run the home and help Bruno with the business.

He means, we were both expecting that you'd be divorced by now.

We didn't get divorced.

We made some changes

and I can happily say we're happier than we've ever been.

Congratulations.

Well done. You must let us know your secret.

A-ha, you made it! Great.

Because I have got something special to show you.

Custom made for a Premiership player.

Silly boy got himself a three-year ban five days after passing his test.

Hence the special price.

A footballer's car!

Do I look like a WAG!?

Restorative justice?

Bleeding woolly heart liberals.

This has really got to you, hasn't it?

-Of course it's right up your street.

-You know it can be very effective.

-Effective for who?

-Isn't the clue in the name?

Surely the victim is the one designed to benefit most.

In what way could a face-to-face meeting with that man

possibly benefit me?

That depends.

On whether or not you've recovered from being the victim of a serious crime.

That goes without saying.

So how long are you staying here at Julia's?

Zara. Would you like to try it for comfort?

No, thank you.

Oh, all right.

It does smell gorgeous.

The leather's bespoke. Hand finished.

Designer cross stitch.

So, what do you think?

I love it.

-Really?

-But it's still way out of your league.

Trust me. It's a steal.

Excellent. Because the only way he'll get his hands on it

is if he breaks in here in the middle of night and drives off in it.

She has a tendency to over dramatise.

Tell you what. Join me for a spot of lunch at the golf club.

I'll bring Suzy along to keep Zara company

and we'll just talk over a few options.

We'd love to. Wouldn't we, darling?

You have been conspicuous by your absence.

Zara found better things for me to do on a Sunday morning.

Mostly involving nappies and baby rice.

So. Here we are again.

I'm sorry about last time. We must have seemed very rude.

Not a problem. We're glad you sorted it out.

Mind you, we did get as far as the decree nisi and then we...

Well, Suzy decided...

I think you better explain. They'll never believe me otherwise.

I became a submissive wife.

You did what?

I met a woman who'd saved her marriage by surrendering to her husband.

She made me see I was exhausting myself by trying to control Bruno.

So instead I put him in charge.

Now he takes care of the decision-making and...

And she takes care of me. What's not to like?

Is she serious?

It's a growing movement.

Thousands of women like me are realising that feminism did not liberate us.

It merely created another form of enslavement.

So what does a submissive wife do exactly?

It's what she doesn't do.

She doesn't control, question or criticise.

She puts her husband first at all times

and she is always available to him.

Daniel doesn't have any complaints on that front.

I didn't used to.

Are you serious about all this?

Why do you ask?

I was just wondering how long you think you can keep it up for?

How long do you think your relationship will last,

if you carry on treating Daniel

like a cross between a child and a nuisance?

-I beg your pardon?

-Don't knock it till you've tried it. I was like you.

Bossy, a control freak.

I am not... Well, maybe I am.

Take it from someone who has got the t-shirt.

You'll wear yourself out

trying to turn Daniel into your idea of perfection.

I may have surrendered, but in doing so I've empowered myself.

Another advantage of an obedient wife,

no argument over the designated driver.

-It sounds too good to be true.

-Tell me about it.

I keep pinching myself.

I miss the rows sometimes. Or rather the making up.

It's not the same without the chase.

So tell me, how's business?

What recession? You? Botox business booming?

Like you say - what recession?

Good. Because I've a proposition.

Suzy's starting to show a few signs of wear and tear

round the old body work.

I was thinking, you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.

-I'm listening.

-I'm glad you're listening to somebody.

We were just discussion the finance options on the car.

And I'm afraid our only option is to say no.

That's a matter for discussion. In private, I think.

Fine. Bring it on.

Well, you know where I am, yeah?

There!

-I think I may have overreacted.

-Really?

Yes, you work damn hard for your money.

What business is it of mine to tell you how to spend it.

Well, that's quite a turnaround.

Seeing Suzy with Bruno got me to thinking

that perhaps sometimes I can seem a little controlling.

Well...on the odd occasion.

And it got me thinking that maybe I should start putting you first.

'It's high time I started putting you first.'

-What's all this?

-It's a spreadsheet.

-I was just..

Now you listen to me, Daniel Granger.

I've played along with your little fantasy.

I have sat in the damn car, had lunch with your hideous friends,

but for the last time,

you are not buying that car, I forbid you to buy that car.

-Do I make myself clear?

-Yeah.

Great. I'll draw up some paperwork and come straight over.

Well done! I knew you'd make the sale.

Can you type up an agreement and then grab your handbag?

-Why?

-I've spun him a deal in return for some cut price botox.

That's quite a discount.

And you are reassuringly expensive.

Can you do anything about her jaw line?

It looks like it's sagging a bit to me.

I'm afraid you'd need a cosmetic surgeon for that.

Right. Well, if you know one that's looking for a car...

-Is everything all right?

-Yeah, I'm fine.

KNOCK ON DOOR

-Bearing up?

-Yeah. Business as usual.

So, do you want me to take a look at that foot?

Why would you want to do that?

Because I'm tired of dodging Cherry. And besides, she's right.

I've been watching you, and you're limping. So, come on.

No! Stop!

Sorry. I'm fine now.

-Are you sure you want me to continue?

-Yes.

-OK.

No! Stop!

-Sorry. Needle phobia.

-Try and take deep breaths.

That's it.

Can you give me something. Tranquiliser? General anaesthetic?

There is an oral tranquiliser but it'll take an hour to take effect.

More importantly, I don't think

you're a suitable candidate for botox.

I think that's my decision!

I would have professional qualms about treating you.

I'm sure you can overcome those qualms.

Achilles tendonitis.

-What, you're not serious?

-It's not the end of the world, mate.

Just lay off the running for a couple of weeks and you'll be right as rain.

I'm afraid of heights. It doesn't stop me from flying.

Suzy has a severe phobia of needles.

It would be unprofessional to commence a course of botox.

You can't refuse to treat her.

I can if it's against the interests of the patient.

How dare you tell me what I want!

You don't want botox. That much is obvious.

I want to please my husband. A submissive wife always says yes.

And there we have it. No offence, but it's none of your business.

Actually this is my business

and I can decline to treat any patient I choose.

We have a deal.

Not any more. I can't afford this. Even with the discount.

And there we have it. Henpecked into submission, eh?

This has got nothing to do with a needle phobia.

You're jealous because you want what I've got.

I'd be dead of boredom in a week.

To be honest, I prefer my women more equal.

In life and in my bed.

We're going.

You'd swap places with me in a heartbeat.

-Hi, darling.

-Hi.

You must be exhausted.

Sit down here and I'll get you a nice cold beer.

A-ha! I decided to see what all the fuss was about.

And actually once you get past the hubris,

makes a lot of sense.

-You can't be serious.

-Don't knock it till you've tried it.

Aren't you going to ask me about the car?

No. How you spend your money is entirely up to you

and I will support your decision.

-Yes, but...

-No, Daniel.

You don't have to justify your actions to me.

So, now, what do you want for supper?

-Good evening, Jean.

-Evening!

That's the second week running they haven't collected the recycling.

I've a good mind to phone the council.

Is something wrong?

Why do you ask?

Because you're not talking.

I'm not interrupting. I'm listening.

You have interesting and important things to say

and I want to hear them.

OK, um...

Well, I... Nah.

This is torture! What sane woman could endure this lunacy?

If you want a submissive partner you'd better start looking.

I don't want...

So out with it! Did you buy the car?!

-I signed a deal.

-I knew it!

-And then I tore it up.

Why?

Because you were right.

Really?

It's a major expense.

If and when I need a new car,

then it should be a joint financial decision.

What? Will you please stop listening to me!

Damn, you're sexy when you're submissive.

What are you doing?

I checked the forecast. It's raining tomorrow.

So I'd better squeeze another one in this evening.

-What about your ankle?

-Kevin said it was fine.

I'll just need to run it off.

What do you want for dinner?

If you're hungry, just start without me.

Please don't make me buy an estate car.

We can get a 4x4.

There's not as much boot space but they're very practical.

I could go for a 4x4.

As long as it was the right 4x4. Nothing Japanese.

Or French. Or Italian.

Or Korean.

We could get a pod for the top.

We are having a pod over my dead body.

OK. We could get a roof rack.

-Mm-hmm.

-Ow!

Oh! I like it!

"To letherbridgecouncil.org.uk,

"Recycling, Acacia Avenue.

"To whom it may concern, for the second week running...

"the council...has failed..."

Did you want to see me about something?

You know why I'm here.

Typical lonely woman. Needs to man up if you ask me.

Dr Cassidy was telling me about when you two used to do yoga together.

-She reckons you're well flexible.

-I never said that!

If Dr Wilson was here she would not allow this.

She would tell you to man up!

Do you want to get kicked out of school? Is that it? Hardman?

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