Head Screwed On Doctors

Wait.

Something for the weekend, sir?

The way your mind works, Angela.

And what will you be wearing?

After seeing that...

a pacemaker?

Daniel...

-Yes?

-They are two of the dullest people on the planet.

-So, don't go.

-It would be so much easier if you came too.

-Divide and conquer. You could call in sick.

-No, I couldn't.

-Why not?

-Because for one, the Tembe would be on the doorstep in a flash.

And two, I've got Izzie this afternoon.

Perfect. She and Joe can have a play date

and then you can play nicey-nicey with Auntie Angela and Uncle Snore.

Careful, you'll say that in front of them without thinking.

No, I won't. I'll be too busy concentrating on looking interested

then acting delighted when they give me yet another Beatrix Potter book.

Actually, I'd love to come.

Actually, no, I wouldn't. See you.

What do you suppose he's called us in for?

-Job cuts, knowing my luck.

-There are no job cuts, have faith.

I think I know what it might be about.

Morning. I know it's early.

I've called you in re Mandy.

She's coming back today.

Really?! Is she ready?

I spoke to her last night.

She admitted she was climbing the walls at home.

It's a transitional stage. Little steps are best.

If we could? May I suggest we allow her to carry on

without being constantly asked if she's coping...

or being hugged?

We can't just ignore her if she wants to talk.

-We are not robots.

-If it's on her terms.

-What about Kevin?

-He'll be working at the campus.

I don't think he and Mandy should come face to face just yet.

We can't keep them apart for ever!

Well, we can avoid it for now. Thank you.

-Can I just say that your approach to this has been admirable?

-Really?

Your dispassionate good sense is exactly what we need right now.

I'll give you a lift, if you like?

It's half-an-hour till we open.

Thank you, Mrs Hollins, but I would prefer to stretch my legs.

It is too beautiful a day to speed past.

Morning.

Oh, hi! Welcome back.

Erm, your appointment, first appointment isn't until 9.15,

so if you want to make a coffee before I start chucking them at you.

OK.

-Who is in today?

-Um...

Everybody except Zara. Jimmi's on house calls.

Daniel, Mrs Tembe and Kevin... They're at the campus.

Right.

Breakfast meetings...

I always think they're going to warm me up for the working day.

-Somehow, nothing ever seems to get done.

-Uh-huh.

I can't wait to see the new baby.

I've just got one or two more things to pack, then I'll be ready to go.

Do you have to leave tonight?

It's an 8.30 start in the morning...

I'd have to leave at 4am to get to Edinburgh in time.

I suppose.

I bought a new bottle of cologne the other day.

-Can't find it anywhere.

-Try the bathroom.

I've turned it upside down. No joy.

-You haven't moved it, have you?

-No. I haven't seen any.

Forget my head if it wasn't screwed on properly.

Like those cufflinks. Did they ever turn up?

Gave up looking.

You're not going to be stuck in campus stalag for ever, you know?

I don't mind so much...

If it means I don't come face to face with Mandy anytime soon.

I thought about resigning.

-That would've sorted it.

-You're not to blame.

-No?

I bet she blames me.

-I didn't even go to the funeral.

-Yeah, because...

you weren't well enough.

It's not like you suddenly decided you couldn't go.

Mate, you've got to stop doing this.

-I just want her back.

-Of course.

Dr Tyler, I have...

-HE WHISPERS

-Could you give us a moment?

-No, it's fine.

What is it, Mrs Tembe?

Mrs Hollins has a patient who is insisting on seeing you

-and not the locum.

-Fine. No problem. Send them over.

Unfortunately, that will not be possible.

It is Mrs Lauder.

She has a serious mobility problem

-and a very short temper.

-I forgot she was coming in.

-You want me to go over there?

-I would not normally ask but...

Mrs Hollins is going to strangle her.

Isn't that the gardeners' money?

They didn't call for it on Wednesday. I'll replace it.

Zara and Jed paid last time we got together,

I'm going to insist it's our turn.

-Debit card?

-I want to see what I'm spending.

Old-fashioned of me, I know.

OK. Come on.

KNOCKS ON DOOR

Oh, hey. Busy morning?

Same old, same old.

Someone said something?

No.

It's the opposite, actually.

I mean...

why is everyone acting as if nothing's happened?

Because they thought it would be easier for you,

-coming back to work.

-Yeah, but it's like...

it's like Freya was never even here.

Come here, Mandy.

This should be the last of them.

Yes.

I must have the complete set by now.

Silly old family joke, I know.

You can pass them on to Joe.

He's gorgeous.

Happy little fella. He's got his grandpa's nose.

How is Jed?

He's fine. Weston-super-Mare seems to suit him. So...

-how's business?

-You know, riding out the recession, fingers crossed.

People will always need accountants.

And how does partnership suit you?

Well, quite a lot of juggling now that Joe's come along.

But Daniel's a partner too, so between us we manage.

Well, two thumbs up to you, Frances. Alex.

I mean Zara. Sorry!

It's fine.

-You do look more like your mother these days.

-Thank you.

Excuse me, ladies.

I'm so worried about him.

-Why? Does he have to go a lot?

-No, it's not that!

I think he might be going senile.

OK. So, that's Dr Carter at 9.45 on the 17th.

OK, bye.

Ooh, see, Mrs Lauder, I told you he wouldn't be long.

You are an angel.

-Which room can I use?

-Erm, Jimmi's room's free.

-OK. Fine.

Mrs Lauder, sorry to have kept you waiting. If you'd like to come through...

Mand!

Somebody's just given me a phone call,

wondering if you could give them a jab.

They've booked a last-minute holiday. Nice work if you can get it.

Depends what they want and where they're going.

Malaga.

You don't need jabs for Malaga.

Sorry! I'm all over the place today. Got my patients mixed up.

So...

Erm, tetanus boosters. Somebody wanted it.

OK.

Mr Parkinson?

And he says he bought it, I never saw it,

-and it's like it never existed.

-Forgetting where you put something's

hardly an indicator of premature dementia.

But the last few weeks, it's been happening every day.

I'm sure it's nothing to worry about.

It's not so much the worry...

I feel more guilty than anything else.

Guilty?

I've been so caught up in work recently. I can't help thinking,

if I'd noticed something sooner, would it have made a difference?

We don't know there's anything wrong yet.

I was wondering...

Could you spend some time with him?

I suppose.

I could make an excuse and leave early.

What? Now?

-Bye-bye.

-Thank you.

-Thanks.

Hey.

-Nearly lunch.

-I'm done in already. It's not even been that busy.

I just...

-I keep going round things in my head.

-Like what?

-This is going to sound really stupid...

-Go on.

I keep thinking about Kevin

-and I get...

-What?

You know, him and Freya and...

And..?

He was there at the end...

..and I wasn't.

They were friends and colleagues.

Who slept together. Three times!

In one night. And it didn't mean anything and they were drunk.

Are you just saying this cos you think it's what I want to hear?

Honestly.

I think that you're reading too much into it.

Oh.

Mrs Lauder.

I need bloods and, if she can, a urine sample. All right?

Take care of yourself.

Hi, Mrs Lauder. Do you want to make yourself comfortable?

-Kevin?

-Yeah, I know I shouldn't be here,

but I had to come over for a patient.

I see.

What are you doing?

My job.

Don't let me keep you from yours.

-Can I have the bill, please?

-Let's at least go Dutch.

It's our treat. We insist.

It was lovely. Thank you.

Think of it as wetting Joe's head.

Thank you.

-I can't believe how peacefully he's sleeping.

-He has his moments,

but he is pretty active most of the time.

And vocal.

Something wrong?

I was sure... You didn't take any of this, did you?

No, of course not. Why would I?

There should be 150 and there's...

60, 70.

Well, perhaps you dipped into it and you've just forgotten.

-It doesn't matter.

-It was on the kitchen counter on Wednesday,

-and I put it away. Did you take any?

-No.

-It can't have just vanished, someone must have taken it.

-Let's just split it.

-Look. Why don't you go with Zara

and you can use the cash to get something for Joe?

I'll stop by the bank and replace the gardening money.

I thought you'd got the afternoon off.

Oh, I've just got one or two things to sort out

before leaving for the conference.

-It was lovely to see you both.

-You too.

Thanks for lunch.

Kevin, this is stupid.

I thought it might be too soon.

If not now...

when?

Do you know what we haven't done?

We haven't given the train a name.

Sally.

You think Sally?

All right, Sally the train. Shall we write it here?

No, no. We don't want to write it there.

But what noise does a train make?

-Choo choo.

-Choo choo!

HE LAUGHS

Sweetie pie.

OK.

Sally the train.

-You want to put me on ice?

-Not you, us. Our plans.

-Why? Is he getting suspicious?

-No. No, it's not that.

But it is him?

He's got some serious problems right now.

He's just not really himself.

In what way?

There's a chance he might have dementia...

..possibly even Alzheimer's, I don't know.

-That's rough.

-Yeah.

That's putting it mildly.

I'm so sorry.

The way he's been behaving recently...

I think it's getting worse.

She dragged me here for a kickabout once.

And me.

A few times.

It was when I was trying to get my head round the whole murder thing last year.

"Stop moping," she said. "I always feel better for kicking some balls."

She wasn't talking about footballs when she said it, mind.

If she wasn't winning, she'd cheat.

Or she'd make you laugh.

She flashed me her sports bra once.

She had names for them, you know.

What?

Morecambe and Wise.

She used to jiggle them and sing Bring Me Sunshine.

Totally bonkers.

Could've done without the lumberjack shirts, though.

When she used go off on one, it was like fighting a demented tablecloth.

She'd get on her soapbox, no way of getting her down.

Right or wrong...

..she'd hold out and wear you down with an argument.

Drive you mad, you mean.

She had to be right.

Always.

Always.

What can we get Joe? How about something to...

do with the Beatrix Potter books?

What was the one where the fox stole the eggs?

Jemima Puddleduck? Could we get him a...

cuddly Peter Rabbit?

Or do you and Daniel have views on stuffed toys?

I heard somewhere the Prime Minister reads those books to his children

You know... What's his name?

Those 2am feeds catching up with you?

Cameron?

No, the other one.

And you can't recall his name either?

Or can you?

What's the name of the Prime Minister?

Come on!

Mind the step. Ooh. Your shoe lace is undone.

I'll have to teach you how to do this for yourself one day.

How about today? So, tie a knot,

underneath that goes... Two loops.

Job's a good 'un.

Shoulders? Yes!

OK. One, two, three.

You're getting heavy!

So, what say you to an ice cream?

An ice cream.

Alzheimer's?!

Well, premature dementia.

She wishes! That would really play into her hands, I imagine.

How?

Because she's having an affair.

What?!

I thought it was just a minor distraction.

Uncle Raif...

I know you thought we were happy together.

Respectable jobs and Beatrix Potter.

How long have you known?

A while.

The conference in Edinburgh this weekend, that's...

her going off with him.

I thought I could wait this one out, like the others, but...

I don't want you to judge her.

Why not? What is so different this time?

She's always at least erred on the side of caution,

tried to be a bit discreet about it, but this time...

she's bringing him home.

My home.

My bed.

And then today, the vanishing bottle of cologne,

-and the missing money.

-Well, we all mislay things sometimes.

He said he left it in the kitchen...

I'm always forgetting where I put my car keys.

What?

-Nothing.

-No, go on.

Well, it's just that...

Look, I won't be angry, Ross,

I'd be more relieved than anything else, but was it you?

Was it me, what?

When we were at the house, did you take anything?

Of course I didn't!

What? You think... You think it's me?!

It's just I said it's been getting worse

and it's just since you and I have been meeting at the house.

I'm sorry, it's a stupid idea. Forget I said anything.

Solid, reliable husband versus exciting new lover.

I'm afraid what might happen if I force her to choose.

So, you're going to just wait it out and hope?

Oh, no. No. I'd never just give up control like that.

These things that I've been...

mislaying recently,

the ones that got Angela to make you check to see if I was doolally?

Yes?

I hid them.

-Why?

-I want to make her suspect

she's fooling around with someone who steals.

I want her to blame him for the missing things.

So, you're not going to make her choose,

you're making her doubt him?

That's the idea.

I want to drive a wedge between them.

This has been a really difficult time for me.

Being called a liar and thief is no picnic

and what's happening with Raif is no excuse.

Don't you see...

if it was you taking all these things it makes all the difference.

If he's not ill, we can carry on seeing other.

Wow. Thanks(!)

You want to make things work with your klepto lover?

It's the start of every great love affair, deceit.

Look who I'm telling.

That's low.

I don't recall you struggling with your morality

when you had your trousers round your ankles

in the supply cupboard at Christmas.

That's low? Worse than cheating on your husband?

You know what?

He can have you.

I can do better.

Yeah? Well, so can I.

In fact, I already have.

I just didn't realise it till right now.

Good luck reminding him of that every ten minutes

when his memory's gone for good.

It is risky.

Supposing she doesn't drop him?

I don't know.

Will you end it?

I don't want to lose her.

You haven't got her now, if you think about it.

What's to stop her doing it again?

So, you think I should confront her?

I think you should tell her you love her

and tell her to stop.

It's not as simple as that. What if she picks him?

OK, the bottom line.

Are you happy to go on like this?

Well then. You know what you have to do.

When did you stop being my little niece and get so smart?

Oh, Lord. Crunch time.

Suppose I'd better have it out with her before she leaves

for her "conference".

-Did you have a good time?

-Lovely.

A perfect catch-up.

Sorry I couldn't stay.

Well, goodbye, little fellow. Look after your mother for me.

There's nothing wrong with him.

Thank goodness.

Thank goodness?

Um, the conference has been cancelled.

I don't have to go away this weekend.

Good.

Well, you have been overdoing it.

KNOCK AT DOOR

Come in.

Have you got a minute?

I was hoping to see you before now.

I'm afraid it's been a bit hectic.

Today's been OK.

-And I wanted you to know that I've spoken to Kevin.

-I see.

He didn't confront you?

No, no.

And you don't have to arrange things to keep us apart from now on.

You're sure?

Mh-hm. We're OK.

Actually, it made things a bit easier, talking to him today.

Right.

Good.

Cherry said that you've taken care of Freya's personal effects?

Oh, yes. Of course.

I didn't get a chance to see you at the funeral,

but you have my deepest sympathies.

Thank you.

I thought I'd put this all behind me when I left the army,

having to face up to the senseless loss of young lives.

-But...

-No, I'm sure.

-I'm glad you don't have that awful journey.

-Yes.

Unless...

we went somewhere.

Just us, a nice hotel?

Angela, I...

Yes?

Darling?

I've just remembered I spent the money

at the supermarket the other day.

That's such a relief.

You're going to think me awfully silly, but I...

I've been really worried about you.

You don't know what you have until there's a chance you might lose it.

How did you think you might lose me?

I don't know.

Just got back now? Thought you'd have been at home ages ago.

Me too. How's Izzie?

Great. She drew a picture for you and Joe.

How was lunch with the dull relatives?

-Anything but dull.

-Meaning...?

Meaning, I'm a lot more like my Uncle Raif

-than I ever previously thought.

-Oh!

I'm sorry I missed lunch with him now.

BABY CRIES I've completely messed up his routine today.

He needs feeding.

Could you get that bag for me?

-Yeah.

-Mind you, he's been charming the pants off everyone all afternoon.

How apt.

# Some day my pain

# Some day my pain

# Will mark you

# Harness your blame

# Harness your blame

# And walk through. #

Mickey?

Can you hear me, love?

It's me, Mum.

Why should the criminal have the same rights?

He sacrificed his rights as soon as he broke into your home.

Maybe it's because there's a non-believer present.

-Yeah. I'll get my coat, shall I?

-So, you're a sceptic?

Dr Carter has every hope this will be really positive.

-I'm sure you feel the same way.

-Absolutely.

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