Sweetmeats Doctors


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QUACKING

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QUACKING

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I still think we could have done something more to help.

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Maybe.

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When we went round to dinner, Zara was so edgy.

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We should have seen the signs, we should have said something.

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Zara's always edgy. There's no way we could have known.

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Oh, come on. She didn't want us there.

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She couldn't wait for us to leave.

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Blimey, he looks awful.

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Daniel!

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She still hasn't rung?

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What do you think?

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Look, I know it's hard and you're angry,

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but you need to resolve this before too much distance grows, especially if you don't want to lose Joe.

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-Yeah, I'm aware of that.

-Have you even rung her?

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Jimmi, I can handle it, all right?

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He keeps shutting me out.

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He just needs some space.

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-Nah, it's not that.

-He can be a very private person.

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I've been with him through all this - them getting together, the bust-ups, the IVF.

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Exactly. They're always going through some sort of crisis.

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They'll probably be back together in a month.

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I don't think so.

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Jimmi, you can't read other people's relationships.

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Especially theirs. They've never exactly been conventional.

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I know. But we should be there for him.

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We are.

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He's keen.

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Who, Reg? Very.

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We're not strictly open yet.

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No, but he's such a sweetheart I thought I'd let him in.

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-Wasn't he here yesterday? In fact, isn't he here quite a lot?

-He's one of our regulars.

-One of?

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He likes to see Elaine.

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He's not doing any harm.

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Oh, hello, Mr Marsden. Early bird.

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I would say "catching worms",

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but I wouldn't want to offend by association.

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Why don't you come on through?

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Thank you.

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You're welcome.

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I'm sorry for being a bit of a bad penny,

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-but I am still feeling a little tired.

-Mmm-hmm.

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So I thought I'd pop by just in case my blood tests had come back.

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Ah. No sign yet, but thanks for reminding me.

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How was your niece?

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-She couldn't come, sadly.

-Oh.

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Slightly high blood pressure. And, of course, she's got to be careful.

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But we had a nice chat on the phone.

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Thank you. Good. Did she find out the sex in the end?

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Yes. A girl.

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Oh.

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So I'm whittling her a beautiful set of doll's house furniture.

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And then the dolls to match.

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Well, I think she's a very lucky girl to have such a lovely great-uncle.

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Oh, I wouldn't say that.

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Well, your pulse and blood pressure are fine,

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so we'll see what we get when the blood tests come back. In the meantime,

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are you eating little and often? And I don't just mean pear drops.

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Oh.

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I'm doing my best.

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-HE SIGHS

-But it's the habit of a lifetime.

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Well, the tiredness does concern me, but you seem to be fine.

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I'll be happy when those blood tests come through

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and we can start to eliminate a few things.

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In the meantime, take it easy.

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Roger, wilco. Thank you for your precious time.

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Just had a woman with the most minging leg ulcer.

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-Serious gag factor.

-I know.

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-Makes you wonder why you didn't get into colonic irrigation.

-SHE LAUGHS

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Speaking of alternative careers, any luck with the job hunting?

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Is that landlord-speak for, "When are you moving out?"

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Much as I love not being able to see the floor for strappy stilettos

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and mismatched underwear, I really didn't want a long-term lodger.

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Point taken.

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MOBILE RINGS Oh.

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Yes?

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This is Jas.

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Oh, right, great.

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Erm, could it possibly be a bit earlier?

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It's just I have to be back at work for four.

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No? OK. See you at 3:40, then.

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-Bit fierce.

-Interview?

-Yeah.

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Nice one. What for?

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Do you think you could cover my first two patients after lunch?

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My car's knackered and I have to get the bus. Probably be back about half past.

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How much is it worth?

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Well, if you're lucky, the liberation of your radiators from drying undies.

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Deal.

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Suppose I'd better go and tell Howard, then.

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Good luck with that one.

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RADIO: 'The hunting ban. Should it be repealed?'

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'Save the foxes or save a national tradition - what do you think?'

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'Call us on 0844 111 222.'

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I think, as a nation, we've got more important things to think about.

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'Good morning, it's Letherbridge FM. Rise and shine.'

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Mmm.

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HE WHISTLES

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Oh, Dr Cassidy! Mr Marsden...

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What about him?

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You seem to be seeing him rather a lot.

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Oh, possibly.

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He's elderly, has a lot of minor ailments,

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-needs a lot of reassurance.

-So he's a hypochondriac?

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I wouldn't go that far.

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No, it's probably just he's a bit nervy and likes the company.

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Bit of a chat, TLC.

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Dr Cassidy, you're a GP with five years training

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and 20 years of experience, and a not inconsiderable salary.

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Do you think your time may be better spent on patients who are actually ill?

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Pastoral care is a valuable part of the service.

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There's a difference between pastoral and overindulgent.

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We can't see patients with every sniffle -

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it's simply not cost-effective.

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-If it was just about money, we'd all be in private medicine.

-Well, clearly we aren't.

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And I'd appreciate it if you didn't encourage this kind of behaviour

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in patients in future.

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SHE SIGHS

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Oh. Dash!

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Hey, how's it going?

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Ah. Yeah, fine.

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Do us a favour, chuck a couple more in there for me.

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You make it too weak.

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We should get one of those espresso machines,

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like we had when we shared.

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What, the one you used to have tantrums with

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because it was so hard to clean?

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Was I that bad?

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You had your moments, yeah.

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Listen, I was thinking.

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Why don't you stay with us until all of this stuff blows over?

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You know, can't be fun rattling round in that house on your own.

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Oh, that's kind. I'm not good company.

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So what's new?

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Seriously, it's not a problem. We could cope, can't we, Cherry?

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-I think that Daniel knows what's best for him right now.

-Yeah.

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Thanks.

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Thanks for being so enthusiastic.

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-Don't you think you should talk to me before you invite someone to stay?

-It's not just someone.

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It's my best mate and he happens to have lost his partner and son.

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And, anyway, you're normally the first one there in a crisis.

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-I just think it's none of our business.

-Why?

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Do you know something I don't? Has Zara said something to you?

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Yeah, right. Since when does Zara tell anybody anything?

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Hello, Mr Marsden, everything all right?

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Yes.

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I was just asking the lovely Mrs Hollins here

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if you might be able to fit me in?

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Of course, I can wait as long as it takes.

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Erm... We do seem to be a little busy.

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Perhaps you could make an appointment for a few days' time

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if you're not feeling any better?

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Unless it's something serious?

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Oh, of course, silly me.

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You're completely chocka, aren't you?

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I'll be absolutely fine, I'm sure.

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Toodle pip!

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Listen, don't worry.

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As long as we're quick I can fit you in now.

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You could? That would be splendid.

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-And I can take a look at that finger.

-What?

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-Oh, that. Industrial accident.

-Oh, dear.

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Well, there's no sign of anaemia

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and fortunately the cut's not too deep.

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Good.

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You're probably still fragile after the pancreatitis.

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It can take a while to settle.

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Eat little and often, avoid saturated fats

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and anything too acidic.

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I've been onto the hospital about your bloods.

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They should be back very soon.

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I put in for quite a few things - kidney, liver, glucose.

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Hm, the full MOT.

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Always expensive on a clapped-out old banger like me!

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I'd describe you more as a classic.

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If I hear anything, I'll let you know.

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Right, there we are.

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Excellent.

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Thank you.

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-Now, I don't want to sound...

-Oh, no.

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Speed was the order of the day, I believe.

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Thanks very much for your time. I really do appreciate it.

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Oh, do excuse me, Mr Bellamy.

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I'm so sorry about this morning.

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I meant to bring the sustenance to the birds but the pigeons muscled in.

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I do so hate a bully, don't you?

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What?

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BOTH: Nothing.

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Am I right in thinking you've just seen Mr Marsden again?

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Yes, that's correct.

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Presumably for something significant?

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Well, he'd cut his finger and he was feeling a little dizzy.

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A cut? This is exactly the sort of thing I was talking about.

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I appreciate your concerns, Howard, but I would like to remind you that

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it's my prerogative to judge how often a patient needs to be seen.

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-He was in three times last week for minor complaints.

-You haven't been reading patient files?

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Of course not, I just checked the dates of his visits.

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I'm sure I don't have to remind you about patient confidentiality.

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Well, we're not going to resolve this here.

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It's clearly something which needs to be taken up

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at the next partner meeting.

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Sorry, could I have a quick word?

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I need to take a conference call in my office.

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Hey, do you fancy some lunch after I'm done with my next patient?

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Oh, no, thanks, mate. I've got a splitting headache.

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Might help clear it a bit.

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Yeah, it's my admin afternoon.

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Thought I'd go home and do it there. But thanks.

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-See you.

-See you.

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RADIO: # Suddenly you're older

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# And all because of a man

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# That got away

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# No more his eager call... #

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PHONE RINGS DOWN LINE

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'Mill Health Centre. Can you hold, please?'

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Sorry to bother you, Mrs Hollins, but...

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Oh.

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Oh, hello, Mr Marsden.

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I'm sorry but we're just closing for lunch.

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-Of course. What a nincompoop!

-Everything all right?

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I was just on my way to that nice grocers round the corner

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and I thought I'd drop in because I've been feeling woozy again.

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Perhaps if I catch Dr Cassidy for two seconds

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-before she went to lunch?

-Oh, go on, then. Take a seat

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-and I'll see if I can grab her.

-You're an absolute angel!

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KAREN CHUCKLES

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Mr Marsden.

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Excuse me...

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but this is the third time you've visited here today, isn't it?

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How good of you to notice.

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But I'm not surprised.

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-You've made such a remarkable difference to this place.

-Have I?

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Oh, yes.

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No disrespect to Miss Parsons,

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the place has a new sharpness and freshness.

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Well-organised notice boards, new clinics -

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little details but it makes all the difference.

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Shows how much you care.

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Thank you.

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Yes, you add a definite je ne sais quoi to the place.

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Do you mind if I ask you who your tailor is?

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I've been noticing how stylishly you're always turned out.

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Just a small little tailor's in Birmingham - ex-Savile Row.

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Of course.

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Quality speaks for itself.

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Apropos of which, you must try some of this chocolate.

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Reminds me of the stuff I used to sell in my shop.

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Artisan quality.

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In fact, why don't you take the whole bar?

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Thank you very much.

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Mmm.

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Mr Marsden.

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Oh, hello again.

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May I share something with you that's been on my mind since this morning?

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Of course.

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Fire away.

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This is your third visit here today,

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-presumably regarding the same set of symptoms?

-Yes.

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Now, my concerns as practice manager,

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we have quite a lot of patients and very limited resources.

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Now, if your three visits were dealt with in one go

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you could have saved yourself and Dr Cassidy some time,

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and the surgery some money.

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Yes, I see your point. More efficient all-round.

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Precisely.

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I'm not belittling your symptoms, it's just that...

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Three visits in one day is a bit much.

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Well, yes...if it's not urgent.

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Now, are you aware of services like the NHS Direct

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and the minor injuries clinics?

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Yes.

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Absolutely.

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You're absolutely right.

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I'm afraid I can be rather demanding.

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It's always been a fault of mine.

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Cost me dear over the years, if truth be told.

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I see.

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So you do understand?

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Completely. Thank you for pointing it out.

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-I see you liked the chocolate.

-Mm?

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Oh, yes. Very nice, thank you.

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My pleasure!

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Cheerio, then.

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-How did that go?

-Not a clue.

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Don't worry, you've just been Reg'd!

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-Look, mate, I'm sorry if you're feeling hounded.

-It's OK.

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I'm worried about you, you know?

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-I'll be all right.

-Yeah, of course you will.

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And I want to help but I can't if you keep shutting me out.

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I mean, I don't even know what happened between you and Zara.

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You two were solid.

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Yeah, we were.

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Well, there must have been something catastrophic to end it like that.

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Do you absolutely know that it's final? Do you know where she is?

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No. No, I don't know.

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I'm such an idiot. Why do I always screw things up?

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-Come on, it'll be fine.

-Yeah, doesn't feel like that.

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I...have no idea what to do.

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Well, you can start by telling me what happened.

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Nothing to tell.

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Bossy boots...

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in your Savile Row!

0:17:330:17:34

Oh.

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Thank you, Mrs Prentegast. I'll see you in a couple of weeks.

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You're having a bit of a day of it, aren't you?

0:17:450:17:48

Say that again! 20 minutes talking about her piles.

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Ah, the bloods are back.

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You'd have had Reg as well if Howard hadn't have sent him packing.

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-Howard did what?

-Sent him packing.

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Did he now?

0:18:010:18:03

Could you get me Reg's home number, please?

0:18:030:18:06

-I believe you sent Reg home?

-Reg?

0:18:140:18:17

Mr Marsden. Why?

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Please, take a seat.

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Not that I need to justify myself,

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but I thought that a third visit in almost as many hours

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was beyond the call of anyone's duty.

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And that's your expert medical opinion, is it?

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No, that's my opinion as an experienced manager.

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Well, it might interest you to know that Mr Marsden's blood tests are back

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and his glucose levels are raised.

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So there is an underlying pathology justifying his visits.

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Do you even know why he came back in?

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No. But it was a reasonable exchange

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and Mr Marsden freely admitted that he'd been over-demanding.

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I'm sure he'll come back if it's anything serious.

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Well, let's hope so

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cos a law suit would be a lot more expensive than a trio of visits!

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Yes?

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Sorry. I've got a job interview at 3.40.

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I just wanted to ask if it's OK if I'm a bit late back from lunch?

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God, the level of professionalism in this surgery is astonishing(!)

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I tried to change the time but...

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Starting afternoon surgery late gives a bad message to patients.

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I expect you to make up this time

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without compromising quality of service.

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Kevin said he'd cover for me.

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Well, then, you've simply transferred the problem to him, haven't you?

0:19:270:19:30

Yeah, sorry.

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I'll be back as soon as I can.

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-Where's Jimmi?

-Gone to see Daniel, I think.

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Daniel?

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Yeah, he's doing his admin at home.

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Right, OK. Well, I'll go and give him a call.

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You don't have to do this.

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Well, I do.

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it was pretty disgusting, even by your standards!

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But, seriously, mate, I'm here for you 100%, OK?

0:20:070:20:11

-I appreciate that...

-No, listen, look.

0:20:110:20:15

You were there for me after Eva and after the Sissy and Ivor thing.

0:20:150:20:19

Now it's my turn.

0:20:190:20:20

I'm your best mate - I can tell it's serious. I'm not judging.

0:20:200:20:23

Whatever it is, you don't have to hide anything from me, OK?

0:20:230:20:26

Mr Marsden, you all right?

0:20:350:20:39

You haven't been sat there since you left the surgery, have you?

0:20:400:20:43

No, no. I've been to the grocers.

0:20:430:20:46

I just felt like...surveying the scenery.

0:20:460:20:50

Look, perhaps you should get back to the surgery

0:20:510:20:54

and get somebody to have a look at you?

0:20:540:20:56

I'm fine. Really.

0:20:560:20:58

Just old.

0:20:590:21:01

Wouldn't want to waste anybody's time.

0:21:010:21:03

Four visits in one day would really be over-egging the pudding.

0:21:030:21:09

I'll be right as rain after a nice nap at home.

0:21:090:21:14

Er...

0:21:160:21:18

No, there...

0:21:180:21:20

Er...

0:21:200:21:21

It's OK, I've got you.

0:21:230:21:26

Thank you.

0:21:280:21:29

Perhaps I'd better get the bus.

0:21:300:21:32

I don't think that's a good idea. We'll get back to the surgery.

0:21:320:21:35

Just lean on me, it's not far.

0:21:370:21:40

Gosh. What it is to be so young and strong!

0:21:400:21:45

Are you quick on your feet, would you say?

0:21:470:21:49

Able to keep a clear head?

0:21:490:21:52

Yeah, I think so. I mean,

0:21:520:21:54

-I've got four A levels and a degree...

-I'm talking about practicalities,

0:21:540:21:57

-juggling several things at once.

-Well, yeah. Shouldn't be a problem.

0:21:570:22:01

But you've no actual experience?

0:22:010:22:03

No...

0:22:030:22:05

Well, I did wait on the bar a few times in the student union!

0:22:050:22:08

-Sorry, I was just making a joke.

-You're probably over-qualified.

0:22:080:22:12

Don't want our employees looking down their noses at the customers.

0:22:120:22:16

I wouldn't.

0:22:160:22:17

I deal with ordinary people all the time.

0:22:170:22:19

Normal. I mean...

0:22:190:22:21

I'll let you know.

0:22:210:22:22

Abdominal pain, queasy, confusion. I'm afraid, Reg,

0:22:240:22:28

you rather foxed me with your pear drops earlier.

0:22:280:22:31

Pear drops?

0:22:310:22:33

The acetone smell is similar to the telltale breath of ketoacidosis.

0:22:330:22:39

When the body can't cope with the amount of glucose in the blood

0:22:390:22:42

it uses fats for energy, producing ketones.

0:22:420:22:46

It can be quite dangerous but we caught it in time.

0:22:460:22:49

We need to get you to hospital for insulin and fluids.

0:22:490:22:52

Oh, dear.

0:22:520:22:54

You'll be fine, but as I suspected from your blood test,

0:22:540:22:57

you've finally developed type 2 diabetes.

0:22:570:23:00

-It's that sweet tooth of yours, I'm afraid.

-You did warn me.

0:23:010:23:04

We will need to call an ambulance.

0:23:060:23:08

I'm so sorry, I've rather messed up your precious lunch hour.

0:23:080:23:12

You're much more precious.

0:23:120:23:14

Besides...

0:23:140:23:16

it's all part of the service.

0:23:160:23:17

Mr Marsden, I'm sorry for packing you off like that.

0:23:400:23:43

I really had no idea.

0:23:430:23:44

Your timing was perhaps a little awry but you were right.

0:23:440:23:49

I have been a drain on resources.

0:23:490:23:51

No, I was overreacting.

0:23:510:23:54

No, no.

0:23:540:23:55

In fact, I've been positively finding excuses to come in here.

0:23:550:23:58

You really have made this into a very special place.

0:23:580:24:02

And I must thank you for being quite the gentleman in escorting me back.

0:24:020:24:07

Who says the age of chivalry is dead?

0:24:080:24:10

My pleasure.

0:24:130:24:14

I'm sure I don't need to remind you how important it is for you

0:24:140:24:17

to regulate your sugar intake now.

0:24:170:24:19

She's right, as usual.

0:24:200:24:22

Shame.

0:24:230:24:24

I do so like a nice sweetmeat.

0:24:240:24:27

The ambulance is here now.

0:24:280:24:30

MOBILE RINGS

0:24:320:24:36

Sorry, blooming bus hasn't come. Is Howard throwing a paddy?

0:24:360:24:38

First shift next Wednesday.

0:24:380:24:40

-Oh, sorry, I thought you were the receptionist at...

-All black, no trousers.

0:24:400:24:44

-'If you're still hopeless after two shifts, you're out.'

-Right. Great.

0:24:440:24:48

'Thanks so much.'

0:24:480:24:49

Thank you for handling that, Dr Cassidy. Very impressive.

0:25:150:25:18

All part of the normal treatment.

0:25:180:25:22

But I'm glad you appreciate it, finally.

0:25:220:25:24

-Yes, I do.

-I don't want to undermine you, Howard,

0:25:240:25:27

but it can be very dangerous when an administrator

0:25:270:25:30

tries to dictate treatment.

0:25:300:25:32

Reg was a gentleman but it could easily have been far more serious.

0:25:330:25:37

That was a narrow escape.

0:25:370:25:39

Well, you're absolutely right. Valuable lesson.

0:25:390:25:42

It's as much about people as it is business.

0:25:420:25:44

I'm sure you mean, "more about people than business," but that's a start.

0:25:440:25:48

We'll let you off...

0:25:480:25:50

if you take us for a drink sometime.

0:25:500:25:53

OK.

0:25:530:25:54

Maybe we could invite Reg as well?

0:25:540:25:56

DOOR OPENS

0:26:010:26:03

Is everything OK?

0:26:090:26:11

No.

0:26:110:26:12

No, it isn't.

0:26:120:26:13

I, erm... I went to Daniel's.

0:26:140:26:17

Right.

0:26:200:26:21

-Jimmi, I don't know what he's said to you.

-I'm really worried about him.

0:26:230:26:27

He's a wreck.

0:26:270:26:28

Is he?

0:26:280:26:29

He won't tell me anything...

0:26:310:26:33

..like he's ashamed.

0:26:340:26:36

I'm beginning to think he's done something pretty bad.

0:26:380:26:41

Like what?

0:26:430:26:45

And I hope not cos that would be so cheesy.

0:26:450:26:47

Actually, that would be unforgivable.

0:26:470:26:49

My best guess...

0:26:540:26:55

..is that he's had an affair.

0:26:570:26:59

I saw a lot of this when I was in the army.

0:27:060:27:08

Then you must have seen a lot of gastric flu. Goodbye, Howard.

0:27:080:27:11

It's a shame but I can only take one of you.

0:27:110:27:15

-She needs to practise her drizzling.

-I hear business is booming.

0:27:150:27:18

No, thanks to you.

0:27:180:27:19

-I was attacked by a crocodile.

-Get out of here!

0:27:190:27:21

Scout's honour.

0:27:210:27:23

Only one of you can be crowned Supachef 2012

0:27:230:27:27

and that chef is...

0:27:270:27:29

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0:27:500:27:53

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