Sweetmeats Doctors

QUACKING

QUACKING

I still think we could have done something more to help.

Maybe.

When we went round to dinner, Zara was so edgy.

We should have seen the signs, we should have said something.

Zara's always edgy. There's no way we could have known.

Oh, come on. She didn't want us there.

She couldn't wait for us to leave.

Blimey, he looks awful.

Daniel!

She still hasn't rung?

What do you think?

Look, I know it's hard and you're angry,

but you need to resolve this before too much distance grows, especially if you don't want to lose Joe.

-Yeah, I'm aware of that.

-Have you even rung her?

Jimmi, I can handle it, all right?

He keeps shutting me out.

He just needs some space.

-Nah, it's not that.

-He can be a very private person.

I've been with him through all this - them getting together, the bust-ups, the IVF.

Exactly. They're always going through some sort of crisis.

They'll probably be back together in a month.

I don't think so.

Jimmi, you can't read other people's relationships.

Especially theirs. They've never exactly been conventional.

I know. But we should be there for him.

We are.

He's keen.

Who, Reg? Very.

We're not strictly open yet.

No, but he's such a sweetheart I thought I'd let him in.

-Wasn't he here yesterday? In fact, isn't he here quite a lot?

-He's one of our regulars.

-One of?

He likes to see Elaine.

He's not doing any harm.

Oh, hello, Mr Marsden. Early bird.

I would say "catching worms",

but I wouldn't want to offend by association.

Why don't you come on through?

Thank you.

You're welcome.

I'm sorry for being a bit of a bad penny,

-but I am still feeling a little tired.

-Mmm-hmm.

So I thought I'd pop by just in case my blood tests had come back.

Ah. No sign yet, but thanks for reminding me.

How was your niece?

-She couldn't come, sadly.

-Oh.

Slightly high blood pressure. And, of course, she's got to be careful.

But we had a nice chat on the phone.

Thank you. Good. Did she find out the sex in the end?

Yes. A girl.

Oh.

So I'm whittling her a beautiful set of doll's house furniture.

And then the dolls to match.

Well, I think she's a very lucky girl to have such a lovely great-uncle.

Oh, I wouldn't say that.

Well, your pulse and blood pressure are fine,

so we'll see what we get when the blood tests come back. In the meantime,

are you eating little and often? And I don't just mean pear drops.

Oh.

I'm doing my best.

-HE SIGHS

-But it's the habit of a lifetime.

Well, the tiredness does concern me, but you seem to be fine.

I'll be happy when those blood tests come through

and we can start to eliminate a few things.

In the meantime, take it easy.

Roger, wilco. Thank you for your precious time.

Just had a woman with the most minging leg ulcer.

-Serious gag factor.

-I know.

-Makes you wonder why you didn't get into colonic irrigation.

-SHE LAUGHS

Speaking of alternative careers, any luck with the job hunting?

Is that landlord-speak for, "When are you moving out?"

Much as I love not being able to see the floor for strappy stilettos

and mismatched underwear, I really didn't want a long-term lodger.

Point taken.

MOBILE RINGS Oh.

Yes?

This is Jas.

Oh, right, great.

Erm, could it possibly be a bit earlier?

It's just I have to be back at work for four.

No? OK. See you at 3:40, then.

-Bit fierce.

-Interview?

-Yeah.

Nice one. What for?

Do you think you could cover my first two patients after lunch?

My car's knackered and I have to get the bus. Probably be back about half past.

How much is it worth?

Well, if you're lucky, the liberation of your radiators from drying undies.

Deal.

Suppose I'd better go and tell Howard, then.

Good luck with that one.

RADIO: 'The hunting ban. Should it be repealed?'

'Save the foxes or save a national tradition - what do you think?'

'Call us on 0844 111 222.'

I think, as a nation, we've got more important things to think about.

'Good morning, it's Letherbridge FM. Rise and shine.'

Mmm.

HE WHISTLES

Oh, Dr Cassidy! Mr Marsden...

What about him?

You seem to be seeing him rather a lot.

Oh, possibly.

He's elderly, has a lot of minor ailments,

-needs a lot of reassurance.

-So he's a hypochondriac?

I wouldn't go that far.

No, it's probably just he's a bit nervy and likes the company.

Bit of a chat, TLC.

Dr Cassidy, you're a GP with five years training

and 20 years of experience, and a not inconsiderable salary.

Do you think your time may be better spent on patients who are actually ill?

Pastoral care is a valuable part of the service.

There's a difference between pastoral and overindulgent.

We can't see patients with every sniffle -

it's simply not cost-effective.

-If it was just about money, we'd all be in private medicine.

-Well, clearly we aren't.

And I'd appreciate it if you didn't encourage this kind of behaviour

in patients in future.

SHE SIGHS

Oh. Dash!

Hey, how's it going?

Ah. Yeah, fine.

Do us a favour, chuck a couple more in there for me.

You make it too weak.

We should get one of those espresso machines,

like we had when we shared.

What, the one you used to have tantrums with

because it was so hard to clean?

Was I that bad?

You had your moments, yeah.

Listen, I was thinking.

Why don't you stay with us until all of this stuff blows over?

You know, can't be fun rattling round in that house on your own.

Oh, that's kind. I'm not good company.

So what's new?

Seriously, it's not a problem. We could cope, can't we, Cherry?

-I think that Daniel knows what's best for him right now.

-Yeah.

Thanks.

Thanks for being so enthusiastic.

-Don't you think you should talk to me before you invite someone to stay?

-It's not just someone.

It's my best mate and he happens to have lost his partner and son.

And, anyway, you're normally the first one there in a crisis.

-I just think it's none of our business.

-Why?

Do you know something I don't? Has Zara said something to you?

Yeah, right. Since when does Zara tell anybody anything?

Hello, Mr Marsden, everything all right?

Yes.

I was just asking the lovely Mrs Hollins here

if you might be able to fit me in?

Of course, I can wait as long as it takes.

Erm... We do seem to be a little busy.

Perhaps you could make an appointment for a few days' time

if you're not feeling any better?

Unless it's something serious?

Oh, of course, silly me.

You're completely chocka, aren't you?

I'll be absolutely fine, I'm sure.

Toodle pip!

Listen, don't worry.

As long as we're quick I can fit you in now.

You could? That would be splendid.

-And I can take a look at that finger.

-What?

-Oh, that. Industrial accident.

-Oh, dear.

Well, there's no sign of anaemia

and fortunately the cut's not too deep.

Good.

You're probably still fragile after the pancreatitis.

It can take a while to settle.

Eat little and often, avoid saturated fats

and anything too acidic.

I've been onto the hospital about your bloods.

They should be back very soon.

I put in for quite a few things - kidney, liver, glucose.

Hm, the full MOT.

Always expensive on a clapped-out old banger like me!

I'd describe you more as a classic.

If I hear anything, I'll let you know.

Right, there we are.

Excellent.

Thank you.

-Now, I don't want to sound...

-Oh, no.

Speed was the order of the day, I believe.

Thanks very much for your time. I really do appreciate it.

Oh, do excuse me, Mr Bellamy.

I'm so sorry about this morning.

I meant to bring the sustenance to the birds but the pigeons muscled in.

I do so hate a bully, don't you?

What?

BOTH: Nothing.

Am I right in thinking you've just seen Mr Marsden again?

Yes, that's correct.

Presumably for something significant?

Well, he'd cut his finger and he was feeling a little dizzy.

A cut? This is exactly the sort of thing I was talking about.

I appreciate your concerns, Howard, but I would like to remind you that

it's my prerogative to judge how often a patient needs to be seen.

-He was in three times last week for minor complaints.

-You haven't been reading patient files?

Of course not, I just checked the dates of his visits.

I'm sure I don't have to remind you about patient confidentiality.

Well, we're not going to resolve this here.

It's clearly something which needs to be taken up

at the next partner meeting.

Sorry, could I have a quick word?

I need to take a conference call in my office.

Hey, do you fancy some lunch after I'm done with my next patient?

Oh, no, thanks, mate. I've got a splitting headache.

Might help clear it a bit.

Yeah, it's my admin afternoon.

Thought I'd go home and do it there. But thanks.

-See you.

-See you.

RADIO: # Suddenly you're older

# And all because of a man

# That got away

# No more his eager call... #

PHONE RINGS DOWN LINE

'Mill Health Centre. Can you hold, please?'

Sorry to bother you, Mrs Hollins, but...

Oh.

Oh, hello, Mr Marsden.

I'm sorry but we're just closing for lunch.

-Of course. What a nincompoop!

-Everything all right?

I was just on my way to that nice grocers round the corner

and I thought I'd drop in because I've been feeling woozy again.

Perhaps if I catch Dr Cassidy for two seconds

-before she went to lunch?

-Oh, go on, then. Take a seat

-and I'll see if I can grab her.

-You're an absolute angel!

KAREN CHUCKLES

Mr Marsden.

Excuse me...

but this is the third time you've visited here today, isn't it?

How good of you to notice.

But I'm not surprised.

-You've made such a remarkable difference to this place.

-Have I?

Oh, yes.

No disrespect to Miss Parsons,

the place has a new sharpness and freshness.

Well-organised notice boards, new clinics -

little details but it makes all the difference.

Shows how much you care.

Thank you.

Yes, you add a definite je ne sais quoi to the place.

Do you mind if I ask you who your tailor is?

I've been noticing how stylishly you're always turned out.

Just a small little tailor's in Birmingham - ex-Savile Row.

Of course.

Quality speaks for itself.

Apropos of which, you must try some of this chocolate.

Reminds me of the stuff I used to sell in my shop.

Artisan quality.

In fact, why don't you take the whole bar?

Thank you very much.

Mmm.

Mr Marsden.

Oh, hello again.

May I share something with you that's been on my mind since this morning?

Of course.

Fire away.

This is your third visit here today,

-presumably regarding the same set of symptoms?

-Yes.

Now, my concerns as practice manager,

we have quite a lot of patients and very limited resources.

Now, if your three visits were dealt with in one go

you could have saved yourself and Dr Cassidy some time,

and the surgery some money.

Yes, I see your point. More efficient all-round.

Precisely.

I'm not belittling your symptoms, it's just that...

Three visits in one day is a bit much.

Well, yes...if it's not urgent.

Now, are you aware of services like the NHS Direct

and the minor injuries clinics?

Yes.

Absolutely.

You're absolutely right.

I'm afraid I can be rather demanding.

It's always been a fault of mine.

Cost me dear over the years, if truth be told.

I see.

So you do understand?

Completely. Thank you for pointing it out.

-I see you liked the chocolate.

-Mm?

Oh, yes. Very nice, thank you.

My pleasure!

Cheerio, then.

-How did that go?

-Not a clue.

Don't worry, you've just been Reg'd!

-Look, mate, I'm sorry if you're feeling hounded.

-It's OK.

I'm worried about you, you know?

-I'll be all right.

-Yeah, of course you will.

And I want to help but I can't if you keep shutting me out.

I mean, I don't even know what happened between you and Zara.

You two were solid.

Yeah, we were.

Well, there must have been something catastrophic to end it like that.

Do you absolutely know that it's final? Do you know where she is?

No. No, I don't know.

I'm such an idiot. Why do I always screw things up?

-Come on, it'll be fine.

-Yeah, doesn't feel like that.

I...have no idea what to do.

Well, you can start by telling me what happened.

Nothing to tell.

Bossy boots...

in your Savile Row!

Oh.

Thank you, Mrs Prentegast. I'll see you in a couple of weeks.

You're having a bit of a day of it, aren't you?

Say that again! 20 minutes talking about her piles.

Ah, the bloods are back.

You'd have had Reg as well if Howard hadn't have sent him packing.

-Howard did what?

-Sent him packing.

Did he now?

Could you get me Reg's home number, please?

-I believe you sent Reg home?

-Reg?

Mr Marsden. Why?

Please, take a seat.

Not that I need to justify myself,

but I thought that a third visit in almost as many hours

was beyond the call of anyone's duty.

And that's your expert medical opinion, is it?

No, that's my opinion as an experienced manager.

Well, it might interest you to know that Mr Marsden's blood tests are back

and his glucose levels are raised.

So there is an underlying pathology justifying his visits.

Do you even know why he came back in?

No. But it was a reasonable exchange

and Mr Marsden freely admitted that he'd been over-demanding.

I'm sure he'll come back if it's anything serious.

Well, let's hope so

cos a law suit would be a lot more expensive than a trio of visits!

Yes?

Sorry. I've got a job interview at 3.40.

I just wanted to ask if it's OK if I'm a bit late back from lunch?

God, the level of professionalism in this surgery is astonishing(!)

I tried to change the time but...

Starting afternoon surgery late gives a bad message to patients.

I expect you to make up this time

without compromising quality of service.

Kevin said he'd cover for me.

Well, then, you've simply transferred the problem to him, haven't you?

Yeah, sorry.

I'll be back as soon as I can.

-Where's Jimmi?

-Gone to see Daniel, I think.

Daniel?

Yeah, he's doing his admin at home.

Right, OK. Well, I'll go and give him a call.

You don't have to do this.

Well, I do.

it was pretty disgusting, even by your standards!

But, seriously, mate, I'm here for you 100%, OK?

-I appreciate that...

-No, listen, look.

You were there for me after Eva and after the Sissy and Ivor thing.

Now it's my turn.

I'm your best mate - I can tell it's serious. I'm not judging.

Whatever it is, you don't have to hide anything from me, OK?

Mr Marsden, you all right?

You haven't been sat there since you left the surgery, have you?

No, no. I've been to the grocers.

I just felt like...surveying the scenery.

Look, perhaps you should get back to the surgery

and get somebody to have a look at you?

I'm fine. Really.

Just old.

Wouldn't want to waste anybody's time.

Four visits in one day would really be over-egging the pudding.

I'll be right as rain after a nice nap at home.

Er...

No, there...

Er...

It's OK, I've got you.

Thank you.

Perhaps I'd better get the bus.

I don't think that's a good idea. We'll get back to the surgery.

Just lean on me, it's not far.

Gosh. What it is to be so young and strong!

Are you quick on your feet, would you say?

Able to keep a clear head?

Yeah, I think so. I mean,

-I've got four A levels and a degree...

-I'm talking about practicalities,

-juggling several things at once.

-Well, yeah. Shouldn't be a problem.

But you've no actual experience?

No...

Well, I did wait on the bar a few times in the student union!

-Sorry, I was just making a joke.

-You're probably over-qualified.

Don't want our employees looking down their noses at the customers.

I wouldn't.

I deal with ordinary people all the time.

Normal. I mean...

I'll let you know.

Abdominal pain, queasy, confusion. I'm afraid, Reg,

you rather foxed me with your pear drops earlier.

Pear drops?

The acetone smell is similar to the telltale breath of ketoacidosis.

When the body can't cope with the amount of glucose in the blood

it uses fats for energy, producing ketones.

It can be quite dangerous but we caught it in time.

We need to get you to hospital for insulin and fluids.

Oh, dear.

You'll be fine, but as I suspected from your blood test,

you've finally developed type 2 diabetes.

-It's that sweet tooth of yours, I'm afraid.

-You did warn me.

We will need to call an ambulance.

I'm so sorry, I've rather messed up your precious lunch hour.

You're much more precious.

Besides...

it's all part of the service.

Mr Marsden, I'm sorry for packing you off like that.

I really had no idea.

Your timing was perhaps a little awry but you were right.

I have been a drain on resources.

No, I was overreacting.

No, no.

In fact, I've been positively finding excuses to come in here.

You really have made this into a very special place.

And I must thank you for being quite the gentleman in escorting me back.

Who says the age of chivalry is dead?

My pleasure.

I'm sure I don't need to remind you how important it is for you

to regulate your sugar intake now.

She's right, as usual.

Shame.

I do so like a nice sweetmeat.

The ambulance is here now.

MOBILE RINGS

Sorry, blooming bus hasn't come. Is Howard throwing a paddy?

First shift next Wednesday.

-Oh, sorry, I thought you were the receptionist at...

-All black, no trousers.

-'If you're still hopeless after two shifts, you're out.'

-Right. Great.

'Thanks so much.'

Thank you for handling that, Dr Cassidy. Very impressive.

All part of the normal treatment.

But I'm glad you appreciate it, finally.

-Yes, I do.

-I don't want to undermine you, Howard,

but it can be very dangerous when an administrator

tries to dictate treatment.

Reg was a gentleman but it could easily have been far more serious.

That was a narrow escape.

Well, you're absolutely right. Valuable lesson.

It's as much about people as it is business.

I'm sure you mean, "more about people than business," but that's a start.

We'll let you off...

if you take us for a drink sometime.

OK.

Maybe we could invite Reg as well?

DOOR OPENS

Is everything OK?

No.

No, it isn't.

I, erm... I went to Daniel's.

Right.

-Jimmi, I don't know what he's said to you.

-I'm really worried about him.

He's a wreck.

Is he?

He won't tell me anything...

..like he's ashamed.

I'm beginning to think he's done something pretty bad.

Like what?

And I hope not cos that would be so cheesy.

Actually, that would be unforgivable.

My best guess...

..is that he's had an affair.

I saw a lot of this when I was in the army.

Then you must have seen a lot of gastric flu. Goodbye, Howard.

It's a shame but I can only take one of you.

-She needs to practise her drizzling.

-I hear business is booming.

No, thanks to you.

-I was attacked by a crocodile.

-Get out of here!

Scout's honour.

Only one of you can be crowned Supachef 2012

and that chef is...

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