Piano Man Doctors

PIANO MUSIC PLAYS

MUSIC STOPS

She'll miss you.

I'll miss her.

Will you?

Of course.

Goodbye, then.

Thank you.

Fancy a biscuit?

There's a Garibaldi in there somewhere.

It's probably the last one.

Fine.

-ANSWERPHONE:

-Hi, this is Zara Carmichael.

Leave a message and I'll get back to you.

Hi, er...it's me.

Come home,

your things are all there...

Your music and your clothes...

and...and our photos.

I miss you.

PIANO MUSIC PLAYS

KNOCK ON WINDOW

Jack Hollins. You called me.

So, this is it, then?

I didn't see a van outside. You said you had wheels...

Yes. I do.

You're joking.

You want this pushed across Letherbridge on those?

Sorry... You are Jack Hollins?

Your leaflet expressly states that no job is too big or too small.

I have engaged you to move this piano

and you agreed a verbal contract on the telephone...

And you said you had wheels.

I have wheels.

I have a plan, a timetable, a route...

Good. I hope all that works out for you.

Look, I'm sorry, you're going to have to find someone else.

PHONE BEEPS

No way!

Problem?

Yeah, my mate. He's let me down, he wants an early night.

-You were going out?

-Yeah, out out.

Chasing some tail. What an idiot!

Kevin...er...

I don't have any plans.

You and me?

Yeah, I could teach you a few tricks.

It'd be like going out with my dad.

-Your dad?

-Yeah.

-I think you're confusing age with experience.

OK, yeah, OK, if you're up for it, what with Zara...

I am a free agent.

In that case it would be my honour

to see the great Daniel Granger in action!

You'd better believe it!

PHONE RINGS

Mate!

No, it's not looking good...

What do you mean, you've got the tickets?...

I don't have the cash...

Yeah, I know what I said...

OK, look, I'll get the money...

What time?

Yeah, it'll be a good night.

All right then, see you later.

-Go away.

-I thought you wanted a helping hand.

I don't want your help. I don't need anybody's help.

I...

I just require you to honour your contractual obligations.

Fine. I just need the money.

Night, Jim.

See you.

Kevin! The Blue Lagoon, yeah?

Still time to back out, Grandad.

The masterclass starts at seven.

You're the boss.

What's for tea?

Cheese on toast.

What? Where's Mum?

She's out.

Haven't you got some homework to do or something?

Homework?

Or whatever.

You're going to art college in a couple of weeks -

go and draw something!

The route avoids all significant hills,

kerbs and areas of rough ground.

That looks significant.

Look out!

That was your responsibility!

This is stupid.

-The plan is robust.

-The plan is ridiculous.

We're behind schedule.

That is ridiculous.

The 338 goes in completely the wrong direction.

Fine. Follow the fluorescent pink line but I haven't got all night.

I've got places to be.

MUSIC - "River" by Emili Sande

# Follow me

# I'll be your river, river

# I'll do the running for you

# Follow me

# I'll be your river, river

# I'll move the mountains for you

# Follow me

# I'll be your river, river

# I'm here to keep you floating

# Follow me

# I'll be your river, river

# River, river... #

Look out!

PIANO KEYS CLATTER

Stop!

Do you think you could...

Oh, sorry.

That's OK.

Cheers.

So, where do we start?

We start with clear strategic objectives.

What do we want to achieve?

I just want to get laid.

Anything beyond that?

No, nothing beyond that.

Look, the last three women I got involved with all...

Let's not go there. I just want some action.

OK, so that is your strategic objective,

and we will lower the quality threshold accordingly.

Right. And you?

Me, I never lower the threshold.

It's a bit thin on the ground.

Early birds.

Just out for a couple of beers with their mates after work.

Not really in the market, and too sober to do anything silly.

So, why are we here?

We're easing ourselves in.

And you never know...

Problem is they're all in pairs or groups,

they're difficult to split up...

but...

What about her?

Yeah, maybe. She's vulnerable.

But look how she's knocking them back.

You'd start with tears on your shoulder,

and end up with vomit in your lap.

Now, that one.

She's only come here to show willing.

Doesn't really like her mates from work.

-She's looking for someone a bit more grown-up.

-Definitely.

Woah woah woah! What's your angle?

Buy her a drink?

-She's drinking mineral water.

-So she needs a drink...

She doesn't like drink.

Maybe she's pregnant.

Yeah, that's a possibility.

Too late, man! She's leaving.

Leave her, leave her. There'll be better pickings.

My friend, the night is still young.

Woohoo!

Why don't you go out?

Isn't Jack going to a concert or something?

What, some crappy student band, and my brother? No, thanks.

Call your mates.

Nah. They're all just a bit...

Just a bit what?

A bit too immature.

Don't start getting all hoity-toity,

you're only going to an art college and London's not everything.

PHONE BEEPS

Be one of your immature mates.

Well, I suppose you can always stay in with your old dad.

We've got that Juliet Bravo box set, that we haven't touched really.

It's from Mr Dean.

Oh, yeah, what does he want?

He says he wants me to go meet him in half an hour

because he's got a surprise for me.

I don't think you should go.

Dad! He's not like that.

-He's a teacher, you're a student.

-Not any more.

-I'll come with you.

-No, you won't.

OK, here we go. The "walk past" with the sympathetic smile.

-Timing is everything.

-I'm watching.

Wait for it...

And now.

She must be short-sighted.

Yeah, she's not wearing her glasses.

-So, what do we do?

-Regroup, retarget...

And never surrender.

Her. The "little boy lost" routine?

Good call.

He's very tense, your friend.

He's not...my friend.

He has a plan and it never involved drinking tea in a florist en route.

We are actually late now.

For what?

We should be there already. We have to go.

No. I'm sorry. It's too dangerous.

We could have put Maggie in hospital or worse.

I'm fine. I'm Maggie!

Don't worry about me.

That's not the point.

Oh, but look at him. This really matters.

Maybe I can help. Can I help?

Not unless you've got a nice big van with real wheels.

Hmmm.

How about a medium-sized van? Would that do?

The plan specifies a pedestrian route.

That would be great. Thank you.

Isn't this fun?

So...

You really got a van?

Dad normally drives it. Mum runs the shop.

I just help out.

Ooh, isn't this lovely?

Please be careful.

You're sure they won't mind?

-She's very delicate.

-They won't mind a bit.

Anyway, they're in the Algarve and what they don't know won't kill them.

How dare you?! This was my mother's piano.

Mate, it's just an off night.

An "off night"? It's not off, it's rancid.

-Never surrender...

-Yeah, whatever.

-Mate, two o'clock...

-It's your round.

No, seriously. A pair. Definitely interested.

OK, regroup, retarget.

Girls, what can we get you?

I'm sorry, Michael.

No, you're not. You've got nothing to apologise for.

All he cares about is getting this piece of junk from A to B

and he needs to learn to ask nicely, otherwise it's not going anywhere.

You have contractual obligations. We have a verbal contract.

I tear your verbal contract up into tiny pieces.

-Oh, you shouldn't do that.

-Yes, I should.

A breach of good faith on the part of the party with the piano,

not to mention a number of significant Health and Safety issues.

We should throw him and his piano out onto the pavement,

-and leave them there.

-We shouldn't really.

Maggie, he tried to break your fingers,

and the piano tried to kill you.

But they didn't really mean it.

All I'm saying is it wouldn't hurt for him to ask nicely.

Please.

Sorry?

Please!

Can I buy you a drink?

I don't believe this!

Have you scared him off?

I haven't, no, I've just had you under surveillance, that's all.

It sounded a bit dodgy.

-He's late, that's all.

-OK. So in the meantime...

shall we have a drink?

I shouldn't even be here.

Helical Flow are playing at the Union.

I should have been there half an hour ago.

That was MY schedule, it's the only reason I took this job.

But I need you to help me unload at the other end.

-I'll miss the whole set.

-He did say please.

He hasn't said sorry.

-But he is.

-I have to get there, Jack.

I have to play the piano.

I have to play this piano, or it'll be too late.

I am sorry.

He said sorry. Now get in the van. You're up front.

Fingers, please!

Where to?

It's that way, I think.

ENGINE CHOKES

ENGINE STOPS

How much do you think a piano weighs?

Dad's going to kill me.

Now these hands...

Healing hands. And those...

Magic hands.

You would not believe what these hands can achieve.

I taught him that. The old "healing hands" line.

Works every time.

Mate! There for the taking.

Below the quality threshold.

-I'm going home.

-Fine.

You should call it a night.

Whatever.

Lightweight!

Leave him.

He's a boy.

What does he know?

About anything?

He's very quiet.

Michael?

Michael? Are you all right?

We'll never get there in time. It's over.

-I've got an idea...

-It won't work.

-The fire brigade!

-My life is over.

Or we could take it apart, transport it bit by bit,

and rebuild it once we get there.

Nothing matters any more.

Or a forklift truck? Do you know anyone with a forklift truck?

I will never play again...

Will you both just put a sock in it!

Explain it to me.

Explain to me why the world is going to end because you

and this piano are stuck in the back of a broken-down van.

I'd just about given up.

A man. It's not much to ask for, is it?

All these boys. All these charmless morons.

I was about to take myself home. Make my own entertainment.

Well, there is no need for that.

No. Not any more.

She used to walk down my street.

Every morning I'd see her, while I was playing.

And one day she stopped to listen.

Who are we talking about?

She walked up to my window and asked me to teach her.

That's lovely.

Her name is Jill Emery.

-We're taking the piano to Jill.

-Why?

Because she's leaving.

Her father is ill, and she's leaving Letherbridge to be with him.

And you haven't told her?

I've never told her.

He has to tell her!

Tell her what?

Were you listening to a word he just said?!

What are you waiting for?!

Are you sure that this is art?

Dad you're trying too hard. Just relax.

Is it good? Just tell me, tell me if it's good cos if it is

I shall work harder on the relaxation.

I mean, what is it?

It's...you.

So it is. And you must be the great Imogen Hollins.

I was told I might find you here.

And you are...?

It's Kingsley Apollo.

-Kingsley Apollo...who?

-Dad!

My dad.

Well, that's a relief!

Delighted to meet you, sir. You must be very proud.

That's not fair. You've got more than me.

I'm saving myself.

-We could always get another bottle.

-Or you could take me home.

I...er...

I thought we understood each other.

Yes but...

Is it the drink?

-No.

-If you're... If you have a problem...

I don't have a problem.

Well, then...

I mean, he has absolutely no idea.

He gets Damien Hirst confused with Banksy.

I am still here, you know?

I'm sorry, Mr Hollins, we've been ignoring you.

I've been quite dazzled by your daughter.

I'm sorry but someone's going to have to treat me like

a complete idiot and tell me exactly who you are.

Oh! I'm an artist. Like Imogen.

He's nothing like me. Dad, this is Kingsley Apollo,

he had that exhibition at the MAC last year

and I've got the poster in my room...

The red squares?

The red squares! That's me!

Kingsley is probably the biggest name in contemporary art...

-Only "probably"?

-So what's he doing here, talking to you?

I wrote to him last term. I sent him some photos of my work.

Mr Dean knows him. I knew it was a long shot, but...

I have never seen a student with such promise.

Did you send him that self-portrait?

She did.

Did she? Yeah, that showed a lot of promise.

It shows a lot more besides.

Your daughter has talent, Mr Hollins.

Which is why I would like her to come and work with me.

OMG!

There's an internship opening up. If you're interested.

Oh, no. No, no, no.

She's got a place at The Slade School of Fine Art.

When do you want me to start?

HE RINGS DOORBELL

Hello?

Who is it?

PIANO MUSIC PLAYS

Michael?

Nice!

I'm almost tempted.

A freebie.

It's tempting.

But a girl's got to earn a living.

It's beautiful.

I shall miss you.

It's not that far.

And it won't be forever.

Stay?

Please, er...

I'll pay.

You could wear this.

What's her name?

It doesn't matter.

# Wherever you're standing

# I will be by your side

# Through the good Through the bad

# I'll never be hard to find... #

I'm really sorry. Please don't call the police.

Arghhhh!

If anything happened to Cherry I'd be devastated.

Don't compare Cherry to Zara. OK, Zara is a woman,

Princess Pinky is an inflatable doll!

Promise me you'll never give up your dream.

Is that what I think it is?

I don't know.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd