Virtuous Reality Doctors

You're unbelievable!

Yeah, well, you're the one who slept with my best mate!

Rico was consoling me!

What, by getting jiggy?

He was consoling me after I found them photos on your phone,

with that girl.

-Doesn't mean we had sex.

-Well, you weren't giving her a pedicure!

-She threw herself at me!

-In a hot tub?!

Yeah, there was a lot of soap. She must have slipped.

You're the one that slipped! You can't help yourself with girls.

Whoa, cut, cut, cut.

OK, Vicki, Diana would like you to say

"You're a tart...you're a male tart...

"You're the biggest male slapper in Letherbridge...that's what you are."

-OK?

-That's a bit harsh.

Well, you are a slapper.

Well, the public don't think so.

No, they know you're a slapper, love you for it

and will delight in seeing you get your comeuppance.

Right, first positions and we'll take it from Vicki's line,

"You can't help yourself."

But I'm not meant to be doing home visits today.

No-one else is free. It is only a flu jab.

Sorry for stressing the financial, but we do get paid for those.

OK. Who's the patient?

Victoria Masterson.

THE Vicki Masterson? Let me see!

Oh, no way. It is her!

Should her name be of note?

Yeah! Oh, come on!

-SHE SINGS:

-Been around, seen a bit. Lost in Letherbridge!

At this moment, I am indeed Lost in Letherbridge.

It's essential TV viewing.

It's like a documentary, only with real people acting out stories.

It's their real lives.

Well, I prefer my dramas to be done by real actors and writers,

who have spent years honing their craft.

Well, say what you like but it's bold and it's brash,

and I've got a ringside seat!

Watch out for that Troy. He's one for the ladies.

-Ah, so am I.

-Good point.

Harrison, he's changed his plea.

What do you mean, changed?

He's pleading not guilty for Lauren and attempted manslaughter for Jack.

# I found your hairband on my bedroom floor

# The only evidence that you've been here before

# And I don't get waves of missing you any more

# They're more like tsunami tides in my eyes

# Never getting dry, so I get high

# Smoke away the days then I sleep with the light on

# Weeks pass in the blink of an eye

# And I'm still drunk at the end of the night

# I don't drink like everybody else

# I do it to forget things about myself, stumble and fall... #

His legal team must feel they're on strong ground.

But Rob caught him trying to suffocate Jack.

And I'm sure he did kill Miss Porter.

There's no evidence.

No evidence?

They couldn't find any forensics,

and Harrison is saying he was bullied into a confession.

I don't believe it!

With DCI Driver? They'll drill me on that, when we're called.

What do you mean, "called?"

His lawyers will be calling us as witnesses, mostly to discredit us.

If the jury believe him and not you...he could be released?

Guilt or innocence. Just a matter of opinion.

Oh, my...

It really is you!

Sorry?

Oh, sorry...I watch the show.

-OK.

-But obviously I'm here as your nurse.

So, erm...you want a flu jab?

Oh, yeah.

Erm...you want to come in?

Yeah, course.

Imogen! I'm so sorry.

Interview with an American arts programme,

would not get off the idea that I was Stuckist,

said, "Could've been a Stuckist, but stuck to what he was brilliant at."

-You've had tea?

-No.

Coffee? Champagne?

People, come on, what you playing at?

The lady must be dying of thirst!

It's good to see you.

You too.

I must show you everything, introduce you to all.

Stuckist!

That's like asking Corbusier if he did half-timbered.

Right.

Now, this piece is beyond conception,

it's a corporate commission.

We're giving them refracted light, shades of Platonism,

a comment on deviation from purity.

It's a critique of capitalism, natch,

but they'll never get the irony.

Like a little art bomb under the establishment.

Come on, lots to see.

Chop chop.

You want to film me?

You are our Deus ex Machina.

-Eh?

-You've come to give me a message.

I've come to give you your flu jab.

That's the motivation, but the message is other.

Here.

-What's this?

-A disclaimer.

It gives them permission to film you and put it on the telly.

Oh, you know, I really don't think my surgery would...

Yeah, it's the nurse, she's quibbling.

-No, no, no, I'm not, I just...

-It's just one scene.

If not fifteen minutes of fame, certainly five.

Your chance to be part of Lost in Letherbridge.

OK.

No fee, unfortunately.

Right, let's crack on.

So, it's Vicki's revelation scene, with Nurse X.

Oh...it's, erm, erm...it's Mandy.

Sorry?

My name, it's Mandy.

Sure. OK, it's Vicki's revelation scene, with the lovely Nurse Mandy.

KNOCK ON DOOR

Just a moment.

I'm pregnant.

No, really? Oh, congratulations!

Too effusive!

What?

You're not a fan, girl, you're a nurse.

Yeah, but, I'd still say "congratulations."

More professional. Something like, "Well done.

"I'll take your blood pressure."

OK, but I've not got my sphygmomanometer.

A what?

It's what we use to take blood pressure.

Improvise.

Ready, here we go.

And...action!

I'm pregnant.

Aww, well done. I'll, erm...

..listen to your heart!

Actually, I was wondering how to get a DNA test.

DNA?

You see, I don't know if the baby's Troy's or...

if it's his best friend's.

-SHE GASPS

-Rico! You slept with Rico?!

Cut!

Too much?

So, you'd say in general you enjoy a good standard of health?

Pretty much.

Get a bit down, now and then.

Had a serious relationship that broke up.

Break-ups are difficult.

As you know.

Sorry?

Like your relationship with Harrison Keller.

How did you...?

Recent developments slant things in his favour.

How do you feel about the possibility he may be released?

I don't...

Does the prospect alarm you?

-Look, I don't...

-Or are you still in love with him?

You're a journalist!

Elaine, you have a story.

Unless there's a medical reason for you being here, I have to ask you to leave.

But this is a chance for you to get your side across.

I don't want to get my side across. Look, please...

I can see the strain you're under.

Sharing will help.

So, sleeping with Rico was revenge for what Troy did?

Well, sort of.

Troy's always played away, hasn't he?

It must be even worse now he's famous.

I do not know why you even take him back.

We've been together a long time.

You still love him?

He's the person I know best. But the thing is...

Yeah, but there's a baby now.

So, even if it isn't his, he's going to have to grow up.

Right. First positions, please.

So, Vicki has told Minxy Mandy about the sprog.

Rico's away in Faliraki, spinning the wheels of steel

and Troy Division returns to find out he may have passed his DNA down to the next generation.

A scary thought for us all, unless it's Rico's, which is even scarier.

Not too much slap, she's far more beautiful au naturel.

In my opinion.

Right, let's go for one.

Just a moment. I...I just need a moment.

Troy Boy's on his way.

I just feel a bit...

I won't be long.

You were involved with a man who's accused of murder.

That must be a burden. By talking about it...

I don't want to talk about it. Now, please leave!

What's going on?

This is a reporter, who registered as a patient.

Feeling better?

I'm just asking some questions.

If one of them's "Where's the door?"

-SHE KNOCKS

-I'm not leaving until I've got my story.

Here's a story. My husband, a policeman, is on the other end of this.

You could report on how fast he gets here.

I'm calling my editor.

Oh, has he got a car with blue flashing lights?

OK.

-But just for the record...

-PHONE CAMERA CLICKS

-Hey!

-Right, come on.

There is such a thing as assault.

Oh, don't tempt me!

So, this whole pregnancy thing...it's made up?

Diana thought it would add controversy.

Is it Troy's or is it Rico's?

Get loads of publicity for the next series.

But Troy knows it isn't for real?

He's supposed to think it's real.

He finds out that I never really slept with Rico,

and that I just said that to wind him up and the baby's really his.

But there is no baby.

The story is that I lose it.

Tell Troy that I've had a miscarriage.

They want his reactions to be real.

That is cruel.

I know. I've been dreading today.

Then why are you going along with it?

I have to do it. It's in my contract.

Oh, tear it up!

Before this, I was running a salon that was going out of business,

the bank refused a loan, Troy was a promoter,

in debt up to his eyeballs.

So, this is about money?

It's about being someone.

You ARE someone.

It's about being somebody people notice.

Not just some stupid hairdresser.

You are far from stupid.

Then how come I really am pregnant?

What, if you didn't sleep with Rico, then the baby's...

Tim's.

The director's?!

Have you told him?

I don't know what he's going to say.

Well, he'll be pleased, hopefully.

Could you stay? Just till I've told him?

Yeah, course.

Behold the All-Seeing Eye.

Inspired by the Eye of Providence.

Sometimes interpreted as the Eye of God, all-watchful,

missing nothing, looking down on us.

It has its origins in the Egyptian Eye of Horus.

And in Hinduism, Lord Shiva has the all-seeing third eye in his forehead.

It's on the front cover of The Declaration of Human Rights

and on the Great Seal of the United States of America.

All-seeing, all-powerful, a statement of global reach,

or so they would like us to think.

So, it's political?

It's our existence. Do we exist if we aren't being observed?

Stand closer.

We are the observers and the observed.

In being observed, we are made real.

And we make others real by observing them.

Thus the All-Seeing Eye.

I'd like you to finish it.

-Me?

-Mm-hm.

I'd like you to imbue it with your own spirit.

I don't think that I can.

But I say you will.

It can't be mine.

Tim!

We were using protection.

Well, condoms aren't always 100% safe.

It's got to be Troy's.

I haven't slept with Troy in five months.

And she's three months pregnant.

OK. If you want to go private, I'll pay.

I haven't thought about where I'm going to have it.

I mean an abortion.

You said you loved me.

You knew I was married.

You said you were going to leave her.

Vicki, this makes things very difficult.

For who?

If you insist on having this baby, you'll lose everything you've gained from the series.

The profile, the money.

What, and that's more important than a child?

-Are you her spokeswoman?

-No, but...

I can speak for myself.

And what are you going to tell Troy?

That you were sleeping with me?

There's a way forward.

If you're so determined to have this baby, you can say it's Troy's.

-But I can't...

-We'll just have to tell Diana and the broadcaster

that the pregnancy is for real.

I don't think they'll be very happy about it

but I'm sure they'll see the mileage.

A baby is the new accessory. You'll be right up there with Jordan

and that Beckham woman. The serious big time.

Are you going to buy that?

Nothing has ever given me chances like the show.

Oh, come on, but lying to Troy? To your baby?

What do you want me to do, walk away?

Yes!

This is about maximising my situation.

No, it's about exploiting it.

Mind you, that's what all this is about.

The eye is the bloodshot sentinel...

..and the red is the pain

and the stain of ceaseless observation.

And now...you continue.

Are you leaving?

Meetings. The bane of success.

But as someone once said...

I'll be back.

You're pregnant?!

Yeah.

Oh, woah! So, I'm going to be a dad?!

Is it a boy?

I haven't had a scan.

I'm sure it'll be a boy.

We can name him after my favourite DJ.

What? Fatboy Slim?

Nah! Armand Van Helden.

Armand's a nice name.

Van Helden. Van Helden Parker.

You don't mess with a name like that.

Hold on a minute, what about Rico? You said...

I only said I'd slept with Rico to wind you up.

Oh, yes! So, I get a son and my best mate back!

Oh! You're fantastic.

Look, I know I haven't been Mr Perfect, but that's all over.

From now on, it's about you and the baby.

-Troy...

-I'm going to give him everything.

All the trips, all the treats,

-everything my old man didn't give to me.

-Troy!

It's not your baby.

But I thought you said you didn't with Rico.

I didn't.

What, so there's someone else?

Elaine!

Troy!

I really do not think that is going to help!

-Yeah, well, made me feel better.

-I know Krav Maga.

Oh, yeah, and who's that then? Some other bird you got up the duff?

It's a lethal martial art.

Well, I've done jujitsu, so come on then, bring it on, posh boy!

Come on then! Ow!

Stop it! Both of you!

Stop it!

Why?

I'm sorry.

Well, that was emotional.

At least, in the story, we can say that Troy denies the sprog is his.

Don't you have any feelings?

-Where do feelings come into it?

-It's your baby!

I already have children.

And they're more important than this one?

-You don't think I'm going to compare...

-OUT!

Vicki...

I'm sick of you, I'm sick of this camera, I'm sick of everything!

And what would your life will be like without it?

Better. Now get out!

Oh...

I'm ringing the editor.

I'm also contacting the police about trespass.

Dr Cassidy, I fully understand if you need to take some time off.

It's fine, we're overstretched as it is.

Well, that's very kind. I appreciate it.

I should have grabbed her phone, the scheming...

We are under siege from reporters!

I have locked the door and the windows.

This is not what is meant by freedom of the press!

I'll shift them. But we have to be vigilant.

This case is still sub judice so the press will have to be reminded of that.

Let's not be intimidated.

This is about force protection. We look after our own.

PHONE RINGS

Hello?

-How did you get my number?

-Give it to me.

No, no, I don't have anything to say!

There you are.

You've done the right thing.

What, getting pregnant by the director?

Telling Troy.

It might have been better if I'd pretended it was his.

No, it's not you.

KNOCK ON DOOR

I'll get it.

If it isn't Jackie Chan.

Yeah, I guess I wasn't quite on the money about the jujitsu thing.

More like a black belt in origami.

I meant what I said, about being sorry. I...

It's OK, I deserved it.

I didn't do it to get back at you.

Not even if I am the biggest slapper in Letherbridge?

I'd better get back.

You never did give me that flu jab.

-Well, you can...

-You'd better have it, now the baby's coming.

OK.

# It's OK to say you've got a weak spot

# You don't always have to be on top

# Better to be hated... #

Aye, aye, what's going on here?

This is Kingsley's most personal piece.

It's a critique of perception.

We only perceive ourselves to be real when we're being observed.

I perceive that Kingsley is nowhere to be seen.

He's got meetings.

So, even though it's his most personal piece,

he's not working on it himself?

It's his concept and he's...

Got you doing all the donkey work.

It's not donkey work.

All the masters of Renaissance all had apprentices.

And how much were they paid?

You are getting paid?

We haven't talked about money yet.

That would have been my first conversation.

Well, things are different in art.

What, like artists don't need to eat?

Did Dad send you here to check up on me?

No.

It's Harrison. He's changed his plea.

Attempted manslaughter.

Jack, he tried to kill you to get you out of the way.

Mum and Dad are bouncing off the walls.

Mum wants to go to the prison and throttle him herself.

What's he saying about Lauren?

Saying he's not guilty.

He could end up getting off both charges.

What, that's just...

Oh, no!

It's just paint.

It's ruined!

-Just touch it up.

-Kingsley's going to go nuts.

This is my big chance and I've blown it on the first day!

Let's try and fix it.

Jack!

-Come on, I'll give you a hand.

-You?

I'm not that much of a numpty. I'm more use than that lot out there.

We can have a normal life together.

-We're debt-free, the salon's doing better, I could get a job.

-Troy...

It can be like it used to, going down your mum's on Sundays,

staying at that old mill place in Devon, where we always used to.

-Troy, look...

-I know I'm not the baby's father, the real father, but...

Troy, we're just friends.

That's all we've been for while now.

Really good friends, but...

Just friends.

Yeah...

I know.

I just...I just want to help.

You can.

Who's that on the cover?

You.

It's us.

Lost in Letherbridge was about us. Except it wasn't.

No?

It was about how Tim wanted people to see us,

how the producers wanted people to see us.

Why not show the audience the real, real us?

What, like our own show?

Carpe diem.

Is it about fishing?

Let's build on what we've got. We're the stars.

If we're going to sell ourselves, let's do it on our own terms.

Does Rico have to be in it?

Hmm...

No.

Remember when I chipped the dining room table with that cricket bat?

And gluing that chunk back on?

You did it so well, they never noticed for years.

Maybe I should have a sideline in furniture repairs.

You'll have to if Kingsley isn't paying you.

You looking forward to London?

Yeah, course.

It's going to be a bit strange not being around everyone.

Yeah, it will.

See? Doesn't look too bad.

I'm sure he'll notice.

If he does, just bill him for the extra work.

You so sound like a lawyer.

I mean it, Im, don't work for free.

Thanks.

What's a brother for?

PHONE RINGS

Look, I've told you once...

LINE BEEPS

-LINE GOES DEAD

-Hello?

HE WHISTLES

Wow!

Sorry.

You've really caught the motion, the intensity of the gaze.

Great technique on the montage, too.

Seamless application...

What's this?

I can explain.

I don't require an explanation.

I can see for myself.

It's a tear.

A tear we all shed for our being under relentless scrutiny.

The private sorrow of the publicly observed.

Kingsley?

Hm?

Erm...I was just wondering if I, erm...might get paid?

Rewards will come.

But...

Intellectually and spiritually.

Artistically.

And bodily.

So, it's a double celebration.

Not just for the much anticipated new cast member

but also for the announcement of our new series - Our Real Lives.

Made directly through the broadcaster,

-with our own production company,

-VicTroy Films.

This time, it will be our real, real lives. Complete, uncut.

In the raw. Grrrr!

(Not too much, Troy.)

(Sorry.)

# Hold me in your arms

# And your heart's against my chest

# Lips pressed to my neck

# I'm falling for your eyes

# But they don't know me yet

# And with a feeling I'll forget

# I'm in love now

# Kiss me like you want to be loved

# You want to be loved

# You want to be loved

# This feels like falling in love... #

PHONE RINGS

Look, I've had just about enough...

Elaine?

Elaine?

Elaine?

Elaine..?

Can you hear me?

Can I have a few minutes?

Have you been following me?

Sorry, I saw the article, can we talk?

Harrison had an affair with Kate.

My wife.

Right.

Dr Cassidy, I need to know what he did!

With the body, I mean.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd