Austenland - Part 1 Doctors

'Handsome, clever and rich,

'with a comfortable home and a happy disposition,

'she seemed to unite some of the best blessings of existence

'and had lived nearly 21 years in the world

'with very little to distress or vex her.'

..Oh, what did you do that for?

Well, I hope you were careful.

He sounds like a right plonker to me.

What are you doing hanging around with art-school dropouts anyway?

..I don't know. Somebody with a proper job,

someone who can pay the rent.

I've got to go.

'Go on, my dear, and without fear.

'There can be no difficulties worth naming.'

Well, it's been a bit of a morning. I have no idea what that means.

You've got the telephone messages to do.

Computer's just fired up.

Excuse me, we don't open till nine. It's all right, love.

It's not. Some of us are not yet ready to start the working day.

You'll have to wait outside.

You didn't say that last week when Mr Chawton came in at 8.15.

Mr Chawton has dementia.

Yeah, well, you never know.

Why don't I deal with this? Haven't you got a meeting, Mr Bellamy?

Never mind him. He's a bit mardy today. Right, where are we?

Have you, um... Have you got an appointment?

Oh.

Right. Er...

Oh, well, let's see what we've got.

Oh, I'm sorry. Dr Carmichael's all booked up this morning.

But hang on - Dr Khella has got a nine o'clock.

Oh... I'm sorry, all the appointments are gone for today.

But I could try something for next week.

Dr Khella's very nice.

She's a lot nicer than Dr Carmichael -

but don't tell her I said that!

Do you want to take a seat?

..Please, Mrs T.

Tembe.

Mrs Tembe, look, it's got to be in by lunch time.

I am surprised at you, Dr Clay. You are usually so well-organised.

It was unexpected and you're much better on the keyboard than me.

I'm still two fingers, you're a wizard.

And the DI is going to kill me if I don't... Wh...

The DI? This is police work?

Well... Then I certainly cannot help you.

Really, Dr Clay. Tying to divert me from surgery business?

This is not worthy of you, now, is it?

Now, if you will excuse me, I have an important meeting to go to.

Mrs Tembe... That is my last word.

Don't look at me! PHONE RINGS

Hiya.

..Yeah, she's here. Yeah.

Oh, OK.

Would you like to go through? Number five.

Ooh, lower, lower. Here?

It's stabbing. Oh! It can't be a stabbing.

If it was stabbing you wouldn't be able to stand,

never mind drive in to work.

What is it with men? You've got a twinge.

It's more than a twinge.

I've got a patient just like you, comes in every two weeks on the dot

with non-specific back pain, just so he can get a sick note.

Back to me. Oh, yes, sorry. There, there, poor baby.

Is that it? What do you want, a sick note?

We are going to be late.

Oh!

You OK? Sorry, she can be a bit of a steamroller sometimes.

Austen? You're in very good company here.

Here you go.

Know where you're going? I am losing the will to live!

Goodbye.

RAUCOUS LAUGHTER

LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH

SHE CLEARS HER THROAT Hi. Sorry, we're just, um...

LAUGHTER RESUMES

Good morning, Lizzie.

No, Lizzie, try to say the words.

You can't even say that to me?

You're not making much progress, are you?

Sorry, but I'm a bit concerned.

You tried to make an appointment with Dr Carmichael this morning.

Is it cos you're avoiding me?

Because she'll have seen the same note from your psychologist.

You've not been attending your sessions.

Have you been doing your exercises, at least?

No...look at me.

No writing. Please, look at me.

You can overcome this, but you have to try.

You have to want to.

You were doing so well a few months ago,

after what happened to you...

'Lizzie!'

What? 'Where is that girl?'

What is it?

'Lydia, find your sister immediately.

'The gentlemen are back from the stables!'

Lizzie?

Lizzie!

Lizzie!

Lizzie! Lizzie! Where HAVE you been?

Mother is beside herself and the gentlemen have already arrived.

Make haste!

There you are! Upon my word, you DO vex me.

Disappearing into the park, doing goodness knows what.

Come here, girl.

Oh! Look at you.

Well, that'll have to do. Hurry now. Lydia!

What have you been doing, girl? Look at your hair. Mama!

Oh, now, where is everyone?!

My dear Mrs Bennet.

Cousin Elizabeth, cousin Lydia, we are all honoured, greatly honoured.

Mr Collins? It's Mr Collins.

My patroness has deigned to pay us a visit. Who?

Why, Lady Catherine de Bourgh herself is here. Oh, heavens!

Wow!

I mean, goodness! Now, do not be nervous, dear cousins.

She is all affability and condescension.

Though, mark you, she is the sort of woman

whom one cannot regard with too much deference.

Mr Collins, when are you to introduce us to the gentlemen?

Patience, cousin. First,

I must see that Lady Catherine's accommodations are adequate.

I have sent for tea.

Mama, do you think there will be officers at the party?

Oh, I do not know, my dear.

Oh, I remember the time when I liked a redcoat myself very well.

Indeed, so I do still, in my heart.

And if a young, smart colonel, with five or six thousand a year,

should want one of my girls, I shall not say nay to him.

Mama!

I wonder you look for them here, Lydia.

There are officers enough in Meryton

to disappoint all the young ladies in the country.

Oh, hush child. You sound like your father. Oh! Here's the tea.

..Yes, apparently he was thrown from his horse, fractured his skull,

and pronounced by his surgeon to be in the most eminent danger.

"Good God," Miss Lutterell cried.

"Why, what in the name of heaven will become of his victuals?"

Well, she's a fine filly, sir. Yes, she'll do, she'll do.

What are you up to, girls? Lizzie has found the gentlemen.

Oh, my goodness. One is in regimentals, but he's very old.

Oh, shame! But there is a younger gentleman. Very fair.

And handsome? Perhaps. I wonder if that's Wickham.

Wickham? Who is Wickham? What is the point in guessing, Lizzie?

Oh, where is Mr Collins, so as we may be introduced? Oh!

Lady Catherine de Bourgh of Rosings Park, may I introduce Mrs Bennet,

and my cousins, Miss Elizabeth Bennet and Miss Lydia Bennet.

Is the tea fresh? Oh, it is newly arrived, my la... M-My lady.

Your eldest cousin

seems a very genteel, pretty kind of girl, Mr Collins.

Indeed, your ladyship. It has been much observed.

Mrs Bennet, are any of your younger daughters out?

Yes, ma'am, all.

All? How very odd.

And Mr Collins tells me you are only the second.

Your younger sister must be very young.

Lydia is not yet 16.

Perhaps she is full young to be much in company.

But, really, ma'am, I think it would be very hard upon younger sisters

that they should NOT have their share of society

because the elders may not have the means or inclination to marry early.

Upon my word, you give your opinion most decidedly

for so young a person. MEN LAUGH IN BACKGROUND

Ah, it seems the gentlemen are...

Is that you, Fitzwilliam? What is that you are saying?

I must have my share of the conversation.

My nephew, Darcy. These are the Bennets.

Mr Collins...

Mrs Bennet, Miss Elizabeth Bennet and Miss Lydia Bennet,

may I present General Tilney and Mr Frank Churchill.

Frank Churchill? That isn't right.

Now, General, you will sit next to me

and tell us of the latest campaigns.

Move, Mr Collins.

You can do this. Oh, Lord, here he comes.

Miss Bennet.

Mr Darcy.

Are you quite well?

I was...not expecting...

Forgive me. How is your sister?

You know her?

We have never met, but I have heard of her many accomplishments.

You have me at an advantage. She is well, thank you.

Do you mean to frighten me, Mr Darcy,

in coming here in all this state to talk to me?

But I will not be alarmed.

There is a stubbornness about me

that never can bear to be frightened at the will of others.

My courage always rises with every attempt to intimidate me.

That is a curious observation, Miss Bennet.

However, I hazard you find great enjoyment in professing opinions

which, in fact, are not your own.

Well, yes.

Maybe I do.

..And Lady Catherine, what think you of her?

For all her great grandeur, I do not think her a very sensible woman.

"Move, Mr Collins!"

THEY GIGGLE

Our cousin is so completely in her thrall. More fool him, I say.

What think you of Mr Churchill? Oh! Is he not handsome?

A little too handsome, perhaps.

But be careful, Lydia. I suspect he is not all that he seems.

At least he smiles.

Mr Darcy has such a forbidding countenance,

it is enough to turn the milk.

Mama says he never looks at a woman except to find a blemish.

She should not judge him on such a short acquaintance.

Oh, Lord, I am bored. LYDIA GASPS

Do you think there will be music this evening?

And dancing? Do you think I should ask the General?

You're braver than I. He is so forbidding.

..Now, Mr Darcy, how are you bearing the strain of country life? Hush.

Someone approaches. I know how heavy it weighs upon you.

And I am quite of your opinion.

The insipidity, and yet the self-importance of these people.

I prefer to distract my attentions elsewhere.

Onto what, pray?

I have been meditating on the very great pleasure

that a pair of fine eyes in the face of a beautiful woman can bestow.

Who CAN you mean?

Miss Bennet!

May I introduce Miss Caroline Bingley,

the sister of my friend George Bingley.

Miss Elizabeth, Miss Lydia.

How very nice to make your acquaintance.

I was just telling Darcy how...refreshing

the countryside can be to one's spirit. Were you?

Are you in the country long, Miss Bingley?

That depends upon the company, Miss Bennet. I have always found...

Mr Darcy, do you think there will be dancing this evening?

Mama says there will, but I don't know how there can be,

unless someone asks the General.

Perhaps I could ask for you, my dear, as I have yet to greet him.

Come, Darcy, show me the way.

The General and I have much to discuss.

Lydia! How could you be so rude?

Oh, she's of no matter to me. Look, here's Frank! Oh!

I see you met Miss Bingley.

Oh, that I hadn't.

She has a reputation for being remarkably sensible and clever.

But I rather believe she derives her abilities from her rank and fortune.

You are a wit, Mr Churchill. And the bearer of good news, I trust.

There is to be a picnic by the mirror pool

and I have been sent to accompany the Miss Bennets thither.

Will Miss Bingley be there?

I fear not. Thank the Lord!

'Lizzie? Can you hear me?'

Ah, here they are! Here are my girls.

Lizzie, Lydia, you remember Mr Woodhouse and Miss Bates?

Of course. How do you do?

Churchill, Bates AND Woodhouse?

OK...

How nice to see you again.

Sit, all of you. There is fresh lemonade.

Be careful, my dears, for I fear the ground may be damp

so close to the water.

On such a warm day? Mr Woodhouse, you are too solicitous.

How is your niece, Miss Bates? Dear Jane?

I was just saying to Mr Woodhouse and Mrs Bennet

that we are expecting her next week.

It is such a great pleasure

and I am sure she will be as happy to see her friends here

as they can be to see her.

Yes, Friday or Saturday.

She cannot say which, because Colonel Campbell

will be wanting the carriage himself one of those days.

'Tis so very good of them to send her the whole way.

But they always do, you know. Yes, Friday or Saturday next.

That is what she writes to me about.

That is her reason for writing "out of rule", as we call it,

for, in the common course,

we should not have heard from her before next Tuesday or Wednesday.

Your mother must be delighted.

Oh, yes, she is, Mr Woodhouse,

for Jane is to be with us three months at least.

And she caught a bad cold, you know. Oh, poor thing.

As long ago as June the 25th, and she has never been well since.

That is such a long time for a cold to hang upon her.

Indeed. She never mentioned it because she would not alarm us.

Just like her - so considerate.

So, she thinks she had better come home

and try an air that entirely agrees with her,

and I am sure that three or four months with her friends

will cure her entirely,

and it is indeed a far better thing that she should be here

than go to Ireland.

As soon as she arrives, we will call Mr Perry, for he is very good

and has been a constant source of reassurance to me.

As he is to all.

Oh, but here is Mr Darcy. Is your friend arrived, Mr Darcy?

She has indeed, Miss Bates.

Will she be joining us? For we are such a jolly party here.

She is with the General, and then she has letters to write.

Oh. In the library?

I fear the windows do not close properly in the library, Mr Darcy.

I pray you ensure a fire is lit, for it faces full north. I will, sir.

Will you have lemonade? Or some cake?

Thank you, no.

Lord, but it is hot!

Perhaps you should take a refreshing swim in the pool, Mr Churchill.

We shall not mind! Lydia!

And maybe Mr Darcy will join you. Both wet and dripping!

That is enough, Lydia.

Make yourself useful, girl, and hand round the strawberries.

Our companions are excessively stupid, are they not?

What shall we do to rouse them? Any nonsense will serve.

Oh, I have a thought.

I know this.

We're in Emma now.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am ordered by Miss Bennet to say

she requires something entertaining from each of you.

Now, she only demands either one thing very clever,

two things moderately clever,

or three things very dull indeed,

and she... She engages to laugh heartily at them all.

Oh, very well, then I need not be uneasy.

Three very dull things indeed.

That will do just for me, you know.

I shall be sure to say three dull things

as soon as I open my mouth, shan't I?

Ah, ma'am, but there may be difficulty.

Pardon me, but you will be limited as to number - only three at once?

Ah.

Well...to be sure.

Yes, I see what she means

and I will do my best to hold my tongue.

I must have made myself very disagreeable indeed

for she would not have said such a thing to an old friend.

Miss Bennet.

Mr Darcy, I was just... I was....

Though we are of short acquaintance,

I cannot let this pass without objection.

How could you be so unfeeling to Miss Bates?

I could not help it, and I daresay she did not understand me.

I assure you she did. She felt your full meaning.

I regret it, I do,

but you must allow that what is good and what is ridiculous

are most unfortunately blended in her.

They are, and were she a woman of fortune,

I would not quarrel with you for any liberties of manner.

But she is poor, Miss Bennet.

She has sunk from the comforts that she was born to,

and if she lives to old age, must probably sink more.

Her situation SHOULD secure your compassion.

And yet, in thoughtless spirits and the pride of the moment,

you laugh at her...humble her, and before others,

many of whom would be entirely guided by your treatment of her.

It was badly done indeed!

You are right, of course.

My insensitivity led me to act in a way

that I must always be ashamed of, Mr Darcy,

and I regret it wholeheartedly.

Well, then, there is nothing more to be said.

PIANO PLAYS

'It was to the relief of a number of the company

'that Lady Catherine decided to retire early,

'despite the entreaties of her own personal parson.

'The General, too,

'had business to discuss with the aspiring Mr Churchill

'so it was a somewhat reduced party that gathered after dinner.'

PIANO STOPS, CLAPPING

Delightful, my dear. Delightful.

Ah! Now you are returned, Mr Collins,

you can make up a four, as promised.

Oh, of course, of course.

Are you going to join us, cousin Elizabeth?

Alas, sir, I am no card player.

And then we would be a five, which is no good at all.

No, sit here, if you please.

May I persuade you, Miss Bennet, to follow my example

and take a turn about the room.

I can assure you it is quite refreshing

after sitting so long in one attitude.

Yes. Very well.

Will you not join us, Mr Darcy?

Thank you, no.

I imagine there are at least two reasons why my joining you

would interfere with your intentions.

What CAN he mean? Come, come, sir. I demand an explanation.

Why, either you choose this method of passing the evening

because you are in each other's confidence

and have secret affairs to discuss,

or because you are conscious

that your figures appear to the greatest advantage when walking.

If the first, I should be completely in your way.

But if the second, I can admire you much better as I sit here.

Oh, shocking! I have never heard anything so abominable.

How shall we punish him for such a speech?

Tease him. Laugh at him.

I could not, upon my honour.

Shame, for I dearly love to laugh.

The wisest and best of men may be rendered ridiculous

by a person whose first object in life is a joke.

There are such people, but I hope I am not one of them.

I hope I never ridicule what is wise and good.

Follies and nonsense do divert me, I own.

Are you immune to such things, sir?

It's been the study of my life to avoid those weaknesses

which often expose a strong understanding of ridicule.

Such as vanity and pride?

Yes, vanity is a weakness, indeed. But pride...

Where there is real superiority of mind,

pride will be always under good regulation.

Your examination of Mr Darcy is over, I presume.

What, pray, is the result?

Oh, I am perfectly convinced that Mr Darcy has no defects at all.

I have no such pretension.

I have faults enough,

but they are not, I hope, of understanding.

However, once my opinion is lost, it is lost for ever.

That is a failing, indeed, but you have chosen your fault well.

I cannot laugh at it.

Shall we have some more music? A song, perhaps.

Miss Bates, would you oblige me by playing?

Oh! Me?

Oh, well, I have never had the honour

of playing such a noble instrument.

But we are a four! Do not fear, Mrs Bennet,

for I'm sure that Miss Lydia will take my hand and do better with it.

It is not much. I, um...

I became quite muddled by the shuffling

and am no expert at trumping.

Now, Miss Bingley, what... What shall I play?

Voi Che Sapete. The music is before you. Oh, yes.

Though, forgive me, I must polish my spectacles,

for they are rather cloudy.

I think perhaps because it is such a warm night.

Rather close, don't you think? I am ready to begin, ma'am.

Yes, yes. Yes, indeed.

MUSIC: "Voi Che Sapete"

SHE SINGS IN ITALIAN

THUNDERCLAP

Oh! My goodness!

'Tis but thunder, Mr Woodhouse. But then a storm is coming.

I am quite sure we are safe. These things soon pass.

Shall we play another hand?

Mrs Bennet, how can you think of whist at such a time as this?

THUNDERCLAP Ah!

'The night became quite stormy.

'The wind had risen at intervals the whole evening

'and by the time the party broke up, it blew and rained violently.

'Everything seemed to speak the awfulness of her situation.

'Her heart beat quick, but her courage did not fail her.'

SHE GASPS Do not be alarmed, Miss Bennet.

'Tis only a storm.

Yes, indeed.

I am being foolish.

Unless you think the storm is a result of your presence here.

I don't understand you, sir. Do you mock me?

That is for you to judge.

No. This isn't...

THUNDERCLAP

General...

I know that, despite your present countenance,

you are an honourable and charming man.

But you would have it so, would you?

SHE PANTS

I don't understand what's happening. Are we in Northanger now?

Can you not hear her? You should not be here.

No.

You are quite correct... for it is late and I am tired.

If you will excuse me, General, I will retire.

DOOR CREAKS, SHE SCREAMS

'Can you hear me?

'You must wake up!'

No!

'You must come back!' No!

'Come back, Lizzie.

No! 'You must come back.'

SHE SCREAMS

Lizzie! Lizzie, can you hear me?

Can you wake up for me? Lizzie?

Lizzie, come on!

Lizzie, can you hear me?

What the hell is going on?

MUSIC: "Voi Che Sapete"

I was given good principles,

but left to follow them in pride and conceit.

You should take it into further consideration

that, in spite of your... manifold attractions,

it is by no means certain

that another offer of marriage may ever be made you.

You do not mean Darcy?

MISS BINGLEY SINGS IN ITALIAN

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd