Dickens of a Day Doctors

CELESTIAL CHOIR

RETCHING

This is going to be fun.

STARTS ENGINE

How are you today, Mrs Tembe?

I am very well, thank you, Dr Carter,

apart from trying to get my presentation right.

For the practice managers' course?

Indeed.

The nerves kicking in?

I am very used to reading at the pulpit - before I could see over it.

Public speaking holds no fear for me.

That's what we like to hear.

Miss Heppel called, asking for a home visit.

Then, we should put her top of the list.

-Isn't Zara due back today?

-If she shows.

Why wouldn't she?

I don't imagine she can handle public humiliation.

Oh!

Tell me more.

Rumour has it that Joe didn't get dunked at the christening.

Is this true, Mrs Tembe?

You know I do not like to gossip.

This isn't gossip - this is, um, this is reportage.

All I can say is....

it was the worst fiasco I have ever seen in the Lord's house.

What, did Zara confess that she's in league with the devil?!

Did she sprout little horns and a forked tail?!

Morning, Zara.

We were just, um, wondering how the christening went?

My list.

Problem, Mrs Tembe?

I was just wondering whatever happened to manners.

And you're asking ME?

-You will have to put Miss Heppel at the top of the list.

-Really?!

I haven't got time to play Samaritan to some lonely old lady today.

Dr Carter said you must see her first.

-I suppose I better just get on with it.

-Go well, did it?

Some of us have work to do.

Did Joe cry?

Chris screamed the place down when they put water on his head.

What an interesting family anecdote, Emma!

It really is the way you tell them!

This is fun!

KNOCKS DOOR Hello?

Hello, Miss Heppel, can you hear me?

Come...in.

-There you are.

-Oh, it's you.

-I thought you'd popped off somewhere.

I asked for Dr Carter.

Well, bad luck.

So...what can I do for you?

I need you to turn the mirror around.

I meant medically, not DIY.

Please, I haven't got the energy.

I hope you haven't asked me

all the way here just to rearrange your furniture.

I don't want my soul to be trapped.

Believe me, I am the last person you want advising you

on religious matters.

It will get stuck in the mirror and I will never be free.

OK, let's just give you a little examination.

I'm going to check your temperature, I'll put this in your ear.

Just wait for the little beep.

BEEP

There we go. Oh, yes. As I suspected,

your heart rate is raised

and your temperature is high, which explains...

At least put a sheet over it.

..the delirium. So, I'm going to give you something for the fever

and then I'm going to contact the district nurse

and arrange for her

-to come and settle you.

-There's no time for that nonsense!

Just cover the mirror!

"So this is number ten of my practice management commandments.

"I will ensure that these are never, ever broken."

It's very, um...

..robust.

Is that good?

Oh, yes, I mean, one has to be robust.

Dr Carter, what are you really trying to say?

Well, the problem is it's quite dry.

To keep the audience awake - hooked...

I was sending you to sleep?

No, it's not you, it's the subject.

One needs...a gimmick.

Is there not anyone else who could sit with you

-until the nurse gets here?

-No.

Please, the mirror.

Not even a friend or a neighbour who could pop in?

No-one.

How on earth do you manage?

If you look out for others, the universe will look after you.

That sounds like a wonderfully precarious way to live.

I've wanted for nothing, and I go to my maker with a clear conscience.

Wow, do you read a lot?

Death On The Nile, One Hundred Years Of Solitude...

A Christmas Carol...

"If they would rather die,

"they'd better do it and decrease the surplus population."

I always hated this book - so mawkish and such a soppy ending.

CELESTIAL CHOIR

Miss Heppel?

-I am so sorry, Chris.

-'It can't be helped.'

-Are you managing without me?

-Yes, of course I am, bighead.

Are you all right?

Is it possible to be delirious even if you haven't got a temperature?

Er, why?

-Nothing.

-'Go on, spit it out.'

I thought I saw Freya yesterday.

I mean, I know I can't have done, but I haven't done that

'since the day after her funeral.'

It felt like seeing a ghost, it really freaked me out.

That's weird. Maybe it's because

you're looking for a new relationship.

Do you think?

'Could be. Or...'

You could just be crazy.

-Thanks.

-'Look, you've just got a lot on your mind.'

Take yourself off to bed and stop worrying about ghosts, all right?

Thanks, Chris.

Daniel has been taken off the duty roster.

Maybe there WAS a bust-up at the christening.

-Do you think he's done a runner?

-Gone off to find himself?

-Or somebody else?

-Could explain why Zara is so wound-up?

Maybe he denounced the devil AND Zara at the font?

As we speak, Daniel has moved into a commune,

where he is setting up a cult which denounces domineering women.

-I think I might join.

-Dr Granger is attending

a non-surgical cosmetic enhancement conference in Athens.

After which he is visiting his mother.

Mrs Tembe. Come on, tell us what really happened?

Did the water start to bubble in the font?

Could you smell sulphur?

Dr Carter says, to be a good speaker, I need a gimmick.

Hmm, OK, um...

What about jokes - they're always good?

Oh. I do know a very funny joke.

Go on, then.

What is red - like your shirt -

and white and green all over?

Um...

Or is it blue?

I need you to look up who is registered as her next of kin,

and inform the undertaker.

Yes, yes, I'll sign the certificate later.

But right now I really need you to crack on with that because

I need to get out of here as soon as possible and get on with my day.

Thanks.

I'm in serious need of a flat white.

Look, Chris, I feel fine now so I'm coming in.

'Sorry, mate, you know the drill.'

But I'm bored.

After a bout of sickness

and diarrhoea, you've got to stay away for 48 hours.

But the sickness has gone and I never even had diarrhoea.

Still don't want to see you for 48 hours.

-But I'm fine...

-DOORBELL

There's someone at the door, I've got to go.

Maybe they can keep you out of mischief for the next 48 hours, then.

I'll speak later.

Hiya.

SHE PANTS

How was poor Miss Heppel's passing?

I told you - peaceful.

It was God's will that you were there.

To be honest, I was looking at a book and then she was gone.

Well, at least she was not alone.

It is strange what people focus on in their last moments, isn't it?

She kept muttering about a mirror.

Did you cover it?

You as well?!

Some people believe that the...spirit

will be trapped at the point of death if the mirror is not covered.

I have never heard of that.

But you did honour her wishes?

If I'm not buying in to any of this religious nonsense,

I am sure as hell not going to start

saluting magpies and covering mirrors.

Not that I believe hell exists either.

"There is more in heaven and earth, Horatio."

Quoting Shakespeare at me is not going to convince me

in all this hocus-pocus.

Sometimes it is not about what YOU believe.

Here you are.

Drink it slowly.

I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to give you a shock.

Am I the only sane person left on the planet?

Oh, now, I think I have got it.

-What?!

-It takes a lot of psychology to convince someone

they've seen something they haven't.

Well, we have not got time for that.

How am I going to stop my talk from being boring?

I don't know. Maybe something like...

a rap?

What do you mean?

A rap. It's when you speak words to a beat.

I know what a rap is. What has that got to do with my presentation?

So what is wrong, exactly?

If I knew that, I wouldn't have brought him.

Right. I meant his symptoms.

Well, he's not happy and he's tired all the time.

Well, that's a bit vague.

Hello, Freddy.

Let's just check your temperature.

How are you today?

Maybe you're just not getting enough sleep?

He's sleeping fine.

Right, well, his temperature is normal, so that's a good thing.

But he hasn't been right for weeks.

Can't you just give me some antibiotics?

Ugh! Have you any idea how much damage

over-prescription of antibiotics is doing? They are not a cure-all.

You don't believe me.

It's not a question of believing you or not believing you.

You're a mother, and some mothers are a little overanxious

about their children. It comes with the territory.

I thought you'd understand. Come on, Freddy.

Just give it a few days. If he's still bad you can bring him back

and we'll take him...

God save me from timewasters and flaky mothers.

You are there, aren't you?

Yeah.

So you're not Freya, then?

No.

I'm Lois, Freya's sister.

You look so much like her.

Freya wouldn't like to hear you say that.

You didn't come to the funeral.

No, I was travelling, so it was hard to get back in time.

But I've regretted it ever since, not saying goodbye properly.

Is that why you've come back to Letherbridge?

Yeah.

I thought it would help if I could...

see what her life had been like,

and meet her friends, meet you.

I am having a terrible day.

A patient died on me, I am a laughing stock at the Mill

because of the whole christening debacle, which is mostly your fault.

Mostly. And now I having some sort of stress-induced delusion.

Bye.

-MISS HEPPEL:

-Enough of the self-pity.

Oh, great! Now you talk?!

Are you sure you are all right?

Yes, of course. Why wouldn't I be?

Amy Coxley, Freddy's mother, has called. He's getting even worse.

Can't she come back the surgery?

She seemed very upset.

The last thing I need is some neurotic young mother

pressing upon my time.

STARTS ENGINE

Just listen for once.

And you can just shut up as well!

Sorry about the mess.

Shift up, Freddy.

No, it's all right, it's fine.

Hello, Freddy.

Are you still feeling poorly?

Let's have a check of your temperature.

Remember this from this morning?

I'm going to put it in your ear.

There we go.

He is still listless...

..but, look, he still doesn't have a fever.

Has it occurred to you that he's just bored?

I mean, has he got any toys?

A few, but he's getting a bit too old for them now.

Television can always be a good distraction.

The bailiffs took it.

Milk is more nutritious.

I do know that.

-So?

-I'll be able to get some more tomorrow.

A pint of milk doesn't cost much.

I spent the last of my money coming to see you.

Right, in my opinion, your son is undernourished

and under-stimulated.

What would YOU know, in your comfy little doctor's life?!

Of course this isn't great for Freddy -

don't think I can't see that?!

I try, I really do try...

..but nothing seems to go right for me.

And now I'm pregnant again. How can I possibly take on a job?

They say hot chocolate is good for shock.

I'm surprised Freya didn't talk about you more.

I was just the quiet kid no-one took any notice of.

I can't believe Freya would just ignore you.

No, I don't mean deliberately.

She was just busy being

the bright, clever, young thing that everyone adored.

She was very charismatic.

I know it sounds like a cliche...

but she really did light up a room.

She did.

She did.

Have you had a check-up at the surgery yet?

You think I'm stupid, don't you?

But I didn't mean for it to happen.

That was what I wanted to ask you this morning

but I was too ashamed to say.

Poor Freddy doesn't get a look in.

What about both the fathers?

They should be made to pay some support.

I have no idea where either of them are.

Well, we can try looking for them.

And maybe you are not claiming enough of the right kind of benefits.

We can look into that. I can write you a referral for the food bank -

that should help a bit.

So you're not going to ask social services to take Freddy away?

Of course not.

What you need is good advice and practical help.

When I go back to the surgery, I'll write you a referral letter.

And what you need to do, you just need to...

pull yourself together,

and we should be able to do something.

"Most of you will know me..." Too fast.

OK...

"Most of you will know me From the campus or the Mill

"I will make sure you are seen If you are very, very ill..."

This is a ridiculous idea.

PHONE RINGS

The Mill Health Centre - how may I help you?

Yes, yes, this is Mrs Tembe.

I didn't realise that Freya still had all these.

She didn't talk about her childhood much.

So she didn't tell you about the cardboard box

she sent me out on the lake in?

No!

She told me it was a boat!

She did jump in and rescue me when it sank.

I should hope so!

I don't know if I told Mum and Dad about that.

I don't think they'd have believed me anyway,

Freya was the golden girl.

She persuaded me to run away with her when we were kids, too.

I was so glad when Dad found us and brought us home.

But Freya, she wasn't fazed at all about us

being out there in the dark on our own.

She was always up for an adventure.

Yeah.

When she came out, it was like a tsunami had hit our family.

Mum and Dad couldn't talk or think about anything else

for about a decade.

It was as if nobody else, nothing else had ever been bi.

But Freya, she...

stood her ground.

Yeah, she had real integrity.

Hello, I'm Dr Carmichael.

-There is just one more thing I'd like to do.

-Go ahead.

WIND WHISTLES

Hey, nice one, Mrs T.

-They are not a gift from me.

-Oh!

I bought them.

-You did this?

-As an apology?

-For what?!

-Ask a silly question!

Look, since you are all so interested,

I will tell you. Yes, Daniel stopped the christening.

And I was relieved because we were doing the wrong thing,

and Daniel was big enough to admit it.

I recognise that we were making an error of judgment

about all this religious malarkey,

and since we can pay for Joe to go to private school,

that is what we're going to do.

So you can consider this a...a...

-peace offering.

-Zara...

were you visited by the Ghost of Christmas Past?

I could take them back.

Did, um, that just happen?

Right, listen up, everyone, Mrs Tembe would like your opinion

on her new presentation.

-Great!

-Come on, give it to us, Mrs Tembe!

I threw this away.

It's really good, and you have got a willing audience to practise on.

-So do it.

-I said no.

All right, fine, I'LL do it.

"Listen up, y'all! My name is Mrs Tembe

"Most of you will know me At the campus or the Mill

-"I get you seen when you're ill."

-No, stop!

That is not how I intended...

"Manning the reception Seeking out deception

"If you're from the CQC You will not bother me

"If you're from the CCG..."

And it's procedures that you're checking...

I have God on my side...

BOTH: So it will be an easy ride.

Yes, blud. Wicked!

-I got the milk...

-I haven't come to check up on you.

I just came to give you these.

What are they?

Just some baby clothes that my son has grown out of.

Thanks.

Here are the leaflets and the referral letter I mentioned earlier.

And just some basics.

Wow. Come in.

I really have to get on.

I really appreciate this.

Thank you.

It really should be snowing... Tiny Tim.

Tell me about YOU.

What have you been doing all these years?

Travelling.

Yeah, I got that. But where?

The northern hemisphere mainly.

But when I split up with Mark,

I could not be doing with that landscape any more.

Mark was...?

Someone I wasted too much time on.

Well, we won't waste any more time talking about him.

So, do you plan to travel again?

Yeah, I think so.

I'm just...

a bit too fragile at the moment.

It's...

It's like being out in the real world reminds me

that Freya is not in it any more.

I know just what you mean.

I know this is going to come across as a big ask.

But I was just wondering if I could

stay here for a couple of nights?

Er...

OK, forget I said that.

I'm so sorry, I don't know what came over me.

It just feels so good, sitting here just talking to you.

No, really it is fine.

I love talking to you too.

Please stay.

There's nothing I'd like more.

Are you feeling all right about going back on reception?

Yeah. Probably. Think I might have forgotten half of it already.

What do you want?

Do you recognise me?

-They showed me photos. You're Imogen.

-You call me Immie.

Immie?! I don't think so.

Can you please let me in so I can talk to you, Mum?

Don't call me that.