Out of the Blue Doctors

'On a faraway shore where the waves ebb and flow

'Lived a fish with ambition called Mudskipper Mo...'

Are you coming?

-Davina, you are going to school.

-I'm not!

DOORBELL RINGS

Are you going to get that?

Mum! Aaaagh!

Oh, you've got to be kidding me.

Who is it?!

It's your dad.

You OK?

-You?

-Mm-hm.

-No, I'll do that.

-Don't worry.

I got you some croissants.

Will you just get on with your work?

So how's it going?

OK. "Delhi is not just the capital city of India.

"It's the capital city of chaos and colour and confusion."

Ooh. Love it.

-Shall I warm these up?

-However you want, I got them for you.

Oh, go on, you know you want to.

No, I am watching myself.

What for? A couple more pounds won't hurt.

I know, I just don't want to...let myself go, you know. Like Freya did.

She didn't. She just enjoyed life.

What she had left.

Ta.

So are you going to tell me? What you're doing here?

Well? Look, Tommy, you can't just turn up here after seven years...

-I thought she'd be at school.

-She's just going!

So what is it? Money?

-I need a word, that's all.

-Because if it is, you can forget it...

When have I ever asked you for a penny, Natalie?

No, you're just perfect!

Mum, leave him alone.

And you, get to school. Now!

Go on, Divs.

Right, you've got two minutes.

Hold on.

-Tommy...

-Is he all right?

-WHEEZING

-Oh, for goodness' sake.

Well, help him! Look, he's dying!

It's empty.

Dad? Dad!

Fancy a pint after work, Jim?

Nah, got paperwork to catch up on.

Oh, come on, I'm sick of five-a-side.

-Have a night in, then.

-What, with my mum?

-Come on, just one?

-Ah, maybe.

Careful.

Hello, Mrs Majors.

Hi.

Who is this?

Mr Majors.

How are you feeling now?

Comes and goes.

I'm going to book you in for an X-ray, straightaway.

-Where are you living?

-I was staying in a halfway house, in Chester.

But they shut it down last month.

So now I'm back here.

Whereabouts?

On the street. At the back of the precinct.

I thought you had family here?

Not that I'm in touch with, no.

But that's down to me, yeah? My fault, no-one else's.

I'm going to book you into St Phil's.

-A new one of these'll be fine.

-Not with a chest infection

-and a heart condition.

-I've been like this for years.

-Tommy, we don't want this to be fatal.

-Life's fatal.

You go in them places and you don't come out.

And I've been banged up far too much already, thank you very much.

How do you mean?

Just give me the thing, will you? And then I'll be out your way.

PHONE RINGS

Come on, quick half, on the way home.

-Nah, I'm just going to chill out on the sofa.

-That's not like you.

Hey, I sometimes do just have a quiet one.

Jimmi's desperate for a beer. He's been going on about it all day.

How can I help you?

I have to say, you're making a terrible mistake.

Yeah, well, I'm good at that.

At least take my card so that if it happens again, which it will...

Mate, it's fine.

For what it's worth, I'm trying to save your life.

-Mr Majors. Your wife asked me to give you this.

-Where is she?

I'm afraid she has already gone.

This really is important.

COUGHING AND WHEEZING

Oh, this is ridiculous.

Should I call an ambulance?

Get your hands off me.

Thank you.

Where's Dad?

Still at the doctor's, I expect.

So what, you just dumped him there?

-He'll be all right.

-No, he won't.

Well, what did you want me to do? Ask him to move in?

Love, it's not like I don't care...

Have you had anything to eat?

-Well, have you?

-Leave me alone!

'Mudskipper Mo.

'On a faraway shore where the waves ebb and flow

'Lived a fish with ambition called Mudskipper Mo

'Stumpy and smiley with periscope eyes

'He'd peep from the deep to the sand and the sky

'While the other fish chuckled and dared him to try'

One morning undaunted he took up position

Pinned back his gills a fish on a mission

And with one giant leap burst out from the surf

And writhing and striving for all he was worth

'Skipped onto the sand like the first fish on Earth

'Two periscope eyes popped open in awe...'

-Where are you dragging Chris off to tonight, then?

-Sorry?

-Said you were dying of thirst.

-Me?!

All sorted. The Cardinal Arms.

Six guest beers, including Hawkins' Fuddlepluck, 2.30 a pint.

You keep banging on about the place.

-£2.30 a pint?

-I'm not surprised in there.

Seriously. It's a Letherbridge pub on a Monday night, how bad can it be?

Mr Majors, I'm glad you've decided to see sense.

Yeah, I'm sorry about before.

I've got...this thing about being touched.

-It's a hangover from the nick, I expect.

-Come inside.

No, you're all right. I need to get a message. To one of your patients.

-I'm sorry?

-Well, it's my wife. About my daughter, Davina.

-What about her?

-She's...in a bit of trouble.

-In what way?

-I can't really say.

I don't think it's my place to...

No, she'll listen to you. Please!

Look at me, I'm nothing, am I? I'm garbage. I'm not worth a carrot.

But our Divsie, she's only 14,

she's got her whole life ahead of her and I can't do anything!

Just tell Natalie, will you? She needs to speak to me.

If you come inside, we can talk about it properly...

You know where to find me.

'..At so many sights never witnessed before

'Palm trees and calm seas green covered hills

'Mo stared in wonder his happy heart thrilled...'

Is that what you've been doing all day?

And what have you dragged that out again for, anyway?

-Do what I want.

-Love, nearly three years he's been out.

And has he had anything to do with you in all that time?

-No. Because he's too busy getting off his head.

-Yeah?

Probably just keeping away from you.

-Because he knows how much you hate him.

-No.

Don't you dare blame me for him...

-Knew he was back round here, did you?

-Davina, stop.

So why didn't you tell me, then? My own dad!

PHONE RINGS

'..As Mo, with a smile closed one periscope eye

'But still, with the other, peeped up at the sky.

'Love you.'

-'It's Dr Carter, from the Mill Health Centre.'

-Yes, what is it?

-Well, I've just had a conversation with Mr Majors.

-'And?'

He seems concerned that your daughter is in some sort of trouble.

And how would he know that?

He's a bit worried about her.

'He wanted me to let you know that.'

Well, thank you very much.

But I'm sure it's just a load of rubbish he's made up in his head.

Why would he do that?

It's just an excuse, isn't it?

'Look, he's had his chances, we just don't want anything to do with him!'

Right, well, if that's all.

-There is one other thing.

-'Yeah?'

He is really quite unwell.

And whose fault is that?

'And he needs to go to hospital.'

Where are you going?

-To find Dad.

-No! Davina!

Davina, stop. Please, love, no!

"Half pay and double standards."

Hiya.

-You all right?

-Is it that time already?

-Skived off early.

Something smells good.

It's...nothing special.

I am glad I never listened to Kevin.

Otherwise I'd still be on pizzas.

Why, what did he say?

Oh, nothing, he was just saying that he didn't think it was a good idea -

you being here.

But that's just his opinion, so...

Well, he can shove it then.

He came round, right? For some help.

After all this time. But Mum doesn't want to know.

And he's really ill! Just out there, on his own.

I know...

I swear, if anything happens to him... That's it, I am going.

She can stuff it. I don't care!

I'm going to call your mother.

-What for?

-So we can talk this through.

-She's not even bothered!

I do that every time with pasta. Make way too much.

Well, like you said, I could do with fattening up.

No, I didn't!

Have you noticed that?

It's all right for blokes to like comfort food, yeah?

"Just like Mum used to make".

-Yes, but for women, it's a weakness.

-It's true!

"Men's two greatest weapons - half pay and double standards."

Wow!

What?

Nothing, it's just that Freya said that once.

She read it in some book or whatever.

-Really?

-Yeah. I remember telling her, it was a load of rubbish!

What do you think it is, though? Honestly?

Women's single biggest barrier?

Worldwide, I mean.

PHONE RINGS

No, she's still here, don't worry.

Well, if you could. Yeah, that would be fine.

OK, she's on her way. Davina!

I think the real issue is education.

Taking girls out of school.

Or keeping them out.

-You must have seen that a lot in the places you've been?

-Absolutely.

You should put that in your book.

I mean, fair enough, poverty is an issue,

but it's also cultural.

So go on, where do you think's the worst?

The places that you've seen?

Mand, I need to finish here. We can talk about this later.

Why don't you go and get changed and relax?

Right.

Do you know Tommy Majors?

Look, I'm his daughter, right?

And I've got to find him, he's not well. Seriously!

Oh, go on!

This way.

-Sure you don't want to try Fuddlepluck?

-Lager's fine.

-See? We're not going too mad, are we, boys?

-Yeah.

He'll be in his pipe and slippers soon.

Mmm. Good body, fully rounded. Very quaffable.

-I'm getting citrus, caramel and malty finish.

-Pork scratchings?

Dad?

Dad.

Are you all right?

What are you doing here?

Well, that's nice!

Go on, clear off.

Divsie...

I can't believe you.

How long have you been living this close?

Well...didn't you even want to see me?

-Yeah, I did, as it goes.

-Hmm.

Just about every waking minute.

So why didn't you come round before?

What, like this?

Mum'd let you have a bath.

It's more than skin deep, love.

I tried to sort myself out.

But I just couldn't shake that place off.

It's like I'm still behind the door, even now.

What about when you sent that DVD?

Yeah, well... I hadn't been in long then.

-Things changed after that.

-Why?

Anyway, I thought she'd got herself fixed up with a bloke.

She did, a couple of times. It didn't last long.

And that wouldn't have anything to do with you, would it?

Pure luck.

-Think you'll find it's called skill.

-And get some scratchings, man.

Take away the taste of that beer.

When you're finished.

Sorry.

So why did you come round? Because you're ill?

None of your business.

Look, just tell me, will you?

-It's not about me, love. It's about you.

-Huh?

I just wanted to warn your mum, that's all.

To keep an eye on you.

What for?

There's nothing wrong with me!

-No? So what you doing coming round here, then? Scoring!

-No, I haven't.

Come on, it's me you're talking to.

You've walked by me two or three times.

Like when?

Like last night, about ten o'clock!

Well?

I was just getting a bit of puff, that's all. For a mate.

Look, I'm not judging you, am I?

I know it's been rough all those years without a dad.

And whose fault's that, eh?

But that's no reason to throw your whole life away.

It's just a bit of weed.

Yeah, well, it's always just a bit of something at first.

Ask him.

And me!

Where'd you get the money from, anyway?

-Because it wasn't from your mum.

-What's it matter?

See?! You're sagging school, nicking money. You're only a kid!

-No, I'm not!

-Then use your head, will you?

Divsie, darling. I'm begging you.

Please, just...listen to your mum.

Don't end up like me whatever you do.

It all just falls to nothing.

Oh, for...

-Right, you. Home.

-Get off me!

You stay out if it!

-All right, come on.

-You're hurting me!

-Reminds me of...that Ramsleys. Old Bulwarks.

-Sorry?

You know, the thing with a ship.

Oi. We're waiting.

Yeah. Nearly done.

-Well, if you spent more time playing and less time yapping...

-Sorry?

Five minutes, OK?

-At least it's better than grunting, eh?

-What did you say?

-Oh, mate, come on.

-It's fine, we're finished. It's yours.

-Well? Let's hear it.

-We're going, OK?

-I'm talking to him.

Really? I thought you were still grunting.

-Whoah!

-Get off him! Just back off!

Ow! Pack it in, will you?!

Do you want some or not?

Well, come on, then!

Are you happy now? Dragging your daughter down here?

-To the gutter!

-He didn't!

-Don't you say another word.

Nat, I'm sorry, OK?

-It wasn't his fault!

-Get in the car.

Go on, Divs.

Mum, please!

-I'm warning you, Tommy.

-I know.

Don't you ever come near her ever again.

Here. You know what I'm going to do with it.

Look, I am sorry, Tommy, but...

I know.

It's just too hard.

Bye, love.

-You all right?

-Yeah.

So much for a quiet night in.

You're not kidding!

-How you doing?

-Yeah, I'm good.

I don't know who you think you are - Rocky Balboa?

As for you - Jesse Owens, the way you ran out the door!

Nice bunch of guys, eh?

To be honest, that beer wasn't bad.

Look, we've got a curry house on the corner.

Shall we go for a balti and talk about our war stories?

You sure you're all right?

-Yeah, I'm fine.

-Coming?

Yeah, I'll be there in a sec.

Chip off the old block, that one. Unfortunately.

Why don't you tell me what happened?

Well, I just told her, bring your horns in.

-Listen to your mum. But what good it'll do...

-In prison.

I got four years for robbing an office in town.

But like I said to Nat, out in two, we'd be fine.

My cell-y was a good kid, that's half the battle.

But then he got a Dear John, Christmas Eve.

Hung himself, didn't he?

First I knew was his feet, tapping my face.

Thought he was trying to wake me up.

Well, he did that all right.

Haven't looked at a mince pie since.

That's horrendous.

Yeah, I lost it, started scoring.

I promised myself I'd get clean when I came out. But then you...

you've got the booze as well.

Three weeks I give myself in Chester.

Not years.

So that's the story of my life.

One foot in the grave and the other one on a bar of soap.

You need to be in hospital.

At least somewhere with a roof over your head.

-I'm not trying to get you locked up again.

-That's what it's like, though.

Shut inside with people watching you, mauling you about!

Gives you the willies, drives me up the wall!

That's understandable given what you've been through

You don't know the half.

But what about Davina?

Is this how you want her to remember you? Here?

If she sees you trying, she might start too.

Think about it.

'A fish out of water can be clumsy and slow

'As pelicans know, spiralling low

'It plummeted, lunging Took Mo in its grip

'But Mo flicked his tail did the Mudskipper flip...'

No, leave it on.

Doesn't matter. I've watched it like a million times.

Yeah. Me too. I know every word.

It breaks my heart too, you know. Seeing him like that.

He's still your dad, isn't he?

Do you still love him, then?

Doesn't matter now, does it?

You come first, you always have done. Your dad knows that.

But why won't you help him?

All right, I will, I'll speak to the doctor.

But only if you leave me to it, OK?

Now, what was all that about you being in trouble?

Nothing. Honest.

So you'll promise me you'll never go down there ever again?

Promise. Never.

'Here we go then. Mudskipper Mo.

'On a faraway shore where the waves ebb and flow

'Lived a fish with ambition called Mudskipper Mo

'Stumpy and smiley with periscope eyes

'He'd peep from the deep to the sand and the sky

'While the other fish chuckled and dared him to try

'One morning undaunted he took up position

'Pinned back his gills a fish on a mission

'And with one giant leap burst out from the surf

'And writhing and striving for all he was worth

'Skipped onto the sand like the first fish on Earth.'

# Today is gonna be the day

# That they're gonna throw it back to you

# By now you should have somehow realised what you gotta do... #

Boosh! Right in the gob.

And did you see the fat one crack his head? Su-perb.

John.

You're having a laugh, in't you? I thought you'd had enough.

I haven't even started.

Oi! Outside!

Your funeral.

You've been used as a punch bag.

Flipping heck, mate.

I do think it's best if I take some blood tests if that's OK.

What for?

I know we're not her parents, but surely we've got a right to know.

I'm Lois, Freya's sister.

Sorry, Jimmi... Jimmi Clay.

I had exactly the same reaction.